


Concupiscence

by kristhaswaggerdaddy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Light BDSM, M/M, Multiple Sex Positions, Office Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 00:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 316,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14581191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristhaswaggerdaddy/pseuds/kristhaswaggerdaddy
Summary: [\kän-ˈkyü-pə-sən(t)s, kən-\]The ninth commandment in the Holy Bible forbids carnal concupiscence. The covetousness against which Scared Scriptures warns is the rule of impulses over the mind, the dominion of urges over the whole person and the sinfulness it causes.Etymologically, concupiscence or covetousness can refer to any intense form of human desire. Concupiscence stems from the disobedience of the first sin. It unsettles man’s moral faculties and without being in itself an offense, inclines man to commit sins.





	1. We're hollow like the bottles that we drain

**Author's Note:**

> Yesssssss, I'm reposting it... Before yall ask or even try to do it, I don't allow translations or reposts on any other site. It's my fic, not yours, so please understand that what I wanna do with it is my decision. Have some integrity, jesus.

Jongin leaned heavily over the railing inside the elevator, the doors sliding shut silently and ascending above the ground. He stared blankly out of the glass walls of the elevator, watching the people down below grow smaller and smaller as he rose rapidly to the twentieth floor where his office was located.

If he had his way, he wouldn’t be seeing what looked like a million people scurrying across the white sandstone of the lobby at this ungodly hour of the morning. If he had his way, he wouldn’t have to be up at seven in the fucking morning, choosing outfits just to attend some boring morning meeting with the board.

He sighed heavily, yawning. If Kim Jongin just had his own damned way, he wouldn’t even have to come into the office all the time, were it not for his overly hardworking PA, Sehun, who constantly pestered him on his personal number and informed him of every other meeting the board wanted to hold every other day. Jongin didn’t even know why he decided to attending this meeting. He supposed it was because Suho had personally called him up and pleaded with him for him to come. Suho never usually did that.

The elevator came to a stop and dinged. Jongin heaved himself away from the railing of the elevator, eyes lingering at the lobby below him. There were more people working in this building than he thought. _Do I really support all of these people financially?_ He thought wonderingly.

His eyes shifted upwards for a brief moment as the doors slid open, inviting him to take a step out onto the lobby.  

He would’ve walked through and greeted Sehun with a brusque good morning at his desk just eight steps away from the elevator, were it not for the fact that he noticed a man—no, a boy really, from his stature—at the opposite side of the building. And he would’ve brushed away the sight of it as soon as he saw it, except the boy had a smart phone lifted to block his face, its camera focused directly on Jongin.

As soon as he saw the smart phone, Jongin immediately thought _paparazzi_. But this was the twentieth floor; how would any of the sleazy reporters get in through all the tight security? Another pressing question came to mind: _why_ was he snapping a picture of Jongin?

The boy seemed to realize Jongin was staring blatantly at him through the glass walls of the elevator. He visibly gasped and turned at once on his heel, smart phone gripped tightly in one hand as he marched in the other direction.

Jongin frowned. That was… unexpected.

“Jongin? Jongin, are you listening to me? Jongin, will you just step outta the elevator already?” someone said in exasperation, grabbing Jongin by the arm and tugging him out of the elevator just as the doors began to slid shut.

He whipped his head around, expecting to see Sehun ( _How dare he grab me out of my own elevator_ , Jongin mentally huffed), but it was Suho, rattling off about being late and scowling at him.

“Who—Wait, did you see that kid just now?” Jongin asked, frowning as he tried to see if the boy was still walking in the other direction, where an elevator for regular employees was located.

Suho blinked midsentence, leaning back just a bit to look past the elevator. Whoever that kid was had fast feet. He had already disappeared off to who knew where, to Jongin’s disappointment.

“What boy? What was he doing?” Suho frowned. Jongin removed Suho’s hand from his suit. It was Ralph Lauren, he wasn’t about to let Suho ruin it so early in the day. “Nothing, I guess. He was taking a picture of—of me,” Jongin replied, straightening out his suit jacket. Suho wasn’t dressed badly too. He was wearing Hugo Boss, that much Jongin could tell from the fit.

Suho lifted an eyebrow in mild disbelief. “Self centered much?” he said flatly. Jongin looked indignant. “I’m just telling you what I saw. It could’ve been paparazzi—”

“Oh, then how would they have gotten in without a visitor’s pass? As far as I know, no reporter’s been allowed access to the building today,” Suho answered, holding up his tablet in his hand. Too late, Jongin realized Suho’s PA was standing a little ways behind him, pretending with all his might like he wasn’t listening in.

“Baekhyun,” Jongin said dryly in greeting. Baekhyun blinked and looked at him, bowing politely. “Good morning, Mr. Kim,” he replied, a cheeky smile on his face.

Suho and Jongin had worked together far too long for Baekhyun to not be comfortable with them. He was there wherever Suho was, like a shadow, and since Jongin wasn’t the stuffy sort of guy, he had shaken hands with Baekhyun on the first day they met and said, “We’ll be seeing a lot of each other, so get cozy.” Baekhyun took his word seriously and was almost like a friend to the both of them, but still kept work and pleasure separate.

“No, don’t let Baekhyun interrupt you. What were you going to say?” Suho said in a snarky tone, folding his arms. Jongin squinted at him. “You know, just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean you get to talk like that to me. I’m still your boss,” Jongin said. Suho rolled his eyes at Jongin.

“What’re you gonna do, fire me? Besides, you don’t have that authority. Only your dad does,” Suho said, jabbing a finger at Jongin’s chest. It was Jongin’s turn to roll his eyes. Just because he knew Jongin from college and managed to climb the social ladder quickly…

“Can we talk about this while we walk to the meeting room?” Suho said, motioning down the hallway. Jongin gave a shrug of the shoulders. If the boy was gone then there was no point hanging around here. They walked together side by side with Baekhyun trailing a safe distance from them.

“He was taking pictures of me, I swear,” Jongin muttered. He knew what it was like to be on this side of the camera, there was no mistaking it. Suho wasn’t all too bothered.

“So? Did you ever consider the fact that this building is relatively new and is quite the architect’s dream?” Suho gestured around the smooth walls of the building. Yes, it was lovely, with its steel and glass finishes and all that, but the boy had had his phone directed right at Jongin. Frankly, it was hard to miss.

“What do you think, Baekhyun? Was the guy snapping pictures of Jongin here, or admiring the work of a genius?” Suho said, turning his head. Baekhyun cleared his throat. “I think the guy could’ve been admiring the view and Mr. Kim just happened to be in it.”

“Exactly,” Suho declared. Jongin didn’t understand at all. “It was just weird to see someone taking photos in here, that’s all,” he said, almost defensively. They turned a corner, where a glass walls separated a large space from the rest of the floor. About ten people or so were in the meeting room, seated around the table with their personal assistants standing against the glass walls.

Jongin caught sight of a familiar but unwelcome face about the people in the meeting room and made a face at Suho. “You didn’t tell me Yifan was coming,” he said. Suho smiled lightly, placing a hand on the door handle. “If I did, would you be here?”

Suho had a point. Jongin had no idea Yifan was going to be here, otherwise he’d be sleeping peacefully on his bed. His father wanted to expand the company into China and open up a few factories to manufacture microchips in Guangzhou. Apparently collaborating with Yifan, a multibillion dollar tycoon with a string of companies under his sleeve, would ensure the smoothest of transactions.

That also meant, unfortunately, buttering up the tall and handsome guy. Even for a guy, Jongin had to admit, Yifan looked like he’d be a hit with women. And that, did not slide with Jongin very well. Just something about the guy that was a little too sneaky, too calculative and menacing somehow.

Furthermore, Suho _knew_ he didn’t like Yifan, and that was exactly why he was here at this meeting without knowing what the meeting was held for. For all he knew, it could’ve been Yifan’s birthday party (albeit a boring one).

When Suho pushed the door, everyone glanced up at them, and most stood up to greet Jongin. Baekhyun gave an overall bow to them and stood aside with the rest of the PAs, mingling with Minseok and welcoming Tao to Korea.

Jongin on the other hand, bowed to most of the board members; old, balding men or middle aged women with thin lips and an indifferent air to them. He greeted Jongdae, the lawyer who was more or less the middle man between Jongin and Yifan, and then shook hands with Yifan, who gave him a warm smile that didn’t meet his eyes.

“Hello, Wu, good to see you. Thank you for coming all the way out here,” Jongin said, smiling back. Yifan lifted an eyebrow, and this time his smile was amused. “No, thank you for coming, Mr. Kim. I was starting to wonder if morning meetings were a problem for you,” he replied.

Just that playful jab, that one remark and it soured Jongin’s mood completely. Yifan knew next to nothing about what Jongin was really like, had only heard of ridiculous rumors floating around. So what if Jongin liked coming into the office only during the afternoons, if he ever came in? It wasn’t like there were tons of things for him to do; Suho and Sehun did their jobs very well. That much he could admit. The company wasn’t falling into shambles anyway, so really, what was the big deal about morning meetings?

“It won’t be a problem for me if it isn’t a problem for you,” Jongin said jokingly, and Yifan laughed on cue, even though it really wasn’t all that funny. It was just small talk between two people who wanted nothing more from each other than good business and money. Besides, Jongin didn’t want to let Yifan get an upper hand on him.

“Shall we all sit down and get started?” Jongdae said brightly. Sehun, who had been lingering in the background, moved towards Jongin and handed him a tablet, as well as a folder filled with papers.

Yifan and Jongin exchanged a few words before they sat down at their respective seats. Jongin sat at the end of the table while Jongdae went over to the other end, carrying an easel with a black cloth over it and placed it at the head of the table. While he set up his things with Minseok, Jongin powered up his tablet— which was fully charged, God bless Sehun—and read the note Sehun had left on the tablet for him.

‘Check in the folder and read everything I’ve highlighted for you. I’ve written a little something for you to say at the end of the meeting just in case. Good luck.’

Jongin did as Sehun told him to and pulled out all of the papers, skimming through most of them. In a nutshell, Yifan was updating them on the progress of opening those factories in Guangzhou, and wanted to bring to Jongin’s attention the amount of money he had invested so far.

 _Ten million dollars and counting_ , Jongin noted. The accounts seemed to add up, as Sehun noted with a pencil over the papers, and that was satisfactory for Jongin. The last piece of paper was a short speech, just a few obligatory words of thanks here and there. Jongin was going to have to throw a bonus at Sehun sometime; he had done all of Jongin’s homework for him.

Jongdae started off his talk while Yifan listened rather intently, whereas his assistant looked deadly bored behind him. Jongin listened for awhile, but there was nothing Jongdae said that wasn’t on the papers already, so he just read through everything Sehun had highlighted in yellow for him. It was all dreadfully dry and did not capture much of Jongin’s interest.

Halfway through the meeting, while Jongdae was going through the accounts, the boy with the smart phone suddenly popped up in Jongin’s mind again. Was he really just taking photos of the elevator Jongin was in?

There wasn’t much to it, but maybe it freaked the freak out of that boy’s mind with its architectural beauty. Or maybe he wanted a private elevator for his own use as well. Chanyeol wanted one too, and always brought it up whenever he came to the office with Jongin for fun.

The possibilities were endless, Jongin soon realized, but he knew it couldn’t be too hard to find out who he was. If he was in the building, then that meant he was either an employee or a visitor. Jongin hoped he was a visitor; it’d make him a damned sight easier to find.  

While everyone was absorbed with Jongdae’s absolutely fascinating talk, Jongin decided to start up the tablet in his hands and look through the list of visitors who were supposed to come in today and who were usually welcome to the building, like temporary interns or janitors. Jongin suspected the boy wouldn’t be on the VIP list like Yifan was; if he was a VIP, he’d be in this boring meeting as well.

Jongin read through the list carefully, picking out any familiar names. There were pictures of the visitors included in the list, which helped somewhat, even if Jongin never did see the boy’s face. None of the visitors who were supposed to come in today popped out at Jongin. The men were either too well built or too skinny to even be the guy.

 _So maybe he’s a nobody in the company_ , Jongin thought. A nobody as in: someone who worked nine to five, five days a week like clockwork without ever standing out from the rest. That just made everything harder, but at least Jongin knew he wasn’t just some visitor. The boy wasn’t just taking his photo _because_ he was the Kim Jongin; he was taking photos because he _knew_ it was the Kim Jongin.

Nobodies meant one of those hundred little ants Jongin had seen at the lobby today, and just the thought of looking through the entire list of all 5000 plus employees dimmed his momentary good mood. _Maybe he’s a janitor_ , Jongin thought, bringing up another list.

But the boy was dressed in proper pants and a blue collared shirt. Jongin knew, at the very minimum, what the janitors here were dressed like. Most of the employees here who weren’t working in the offices had uniforms, and the boy was most definitely not wearing a uniform. He scrolled through the list without really looking through them, sighing heavily.

“…that’s it. Er, Mr. Kim, would you like to have a word?”

Jongin jerked up in response. Suho gave him a pointed look like, _were you watching porn?_ Jongin switched his tablet off and grabbed the papers in front of him, pretending to flip through them like he’d been in deep thought the entire time. Yifan watched Jongin with an amused look.

“I’d say good job, Jongdae, on the presentation, and um, thank you to Yifan for working so hard. Hopefully everything will continue this smoothly,” Jongin started to say dismissively. That was when Suho swooped in to rescue Jongin.

“And so it’s an okay then? We’ll go to London and sign the contract?” Suho said, lifting his eyebrows at Jongin. Was that a yes? Jongin had to assume so. It _looked_ like a yes. “Yes, definitely. London. Who doesn’t like it there?” Jongin joked. The board members laughed a little.

Jongdae nodded while he laughed. “Very well then. I’ll email all of you the details once everything is sorted out, and we might be able to close this contract at the end of this month,” Jongdae said.

Jongin didn’t even know what contract he was talking about, but nodded anyway. With that, the meeting was summed up and everyone started to stand, collecting their things. Jongin tucked his tablet under his arm while he stood up, grabbing all the papers into a flurried mess and shoved them back into the plastic folder.

Some people had a few things to discuss with one another, but Jongin wasn’t one of them. As soon as Jongin shook hands with Yifan, a woman came up to him to speak with Yifan, giving Jongin a chance to tap Sehun on the shoulder to follow him while he made his escape from the meeting room.

Sehun walked briskly after him. “Office, before he sees you,” he muttered. Jongin’s shoes clicked against the floor of the building. He still was more than halfway to his office, and he could already hear Yifan’s voice slowly getting louder from behind him.

“I won’t make it,” Jongin mouthed to Sehun without opening his mouth. “Pretend you need to make a call. I’ll stall him,” Sehun said, before he turned around to face Yifan.

Jongin could hear the surprise and protest in Yifan’s voice when Sehun said, “Mr. Wu, it has been a delightful honor to have you here. Will you require any transportation back to your hotel?” Yifan had to stop in his tracks while Jongin made his way towards his office, apparently oblivious to Yifan behind him.

“Mr. Kim? May I have a word?” he called, ignoring Sehun. Jongin pretended to turn around and point at his office, making a regretful face at Yifan.

“Mr. Kim needs to make a few calls. He’s very busy, you see,” Sehun said politely. Tao stared daggers at Sehun while he waited for Yifan to give up. Yifan gave a humph, straightening his jacket sleeves.

“I do see. Well, if Mr. Kim cannot make time for me now, perhaps he can fit a brunch or dinner into his _busy_ schedule before I have to take my private jet and fly back to China tonight, at midnight the latest. Will you let him know and have your people contact mine to see if we can talk business before I go?”

“Of course, sir. Now, will you need a limo, a reservation for lunch…?” Sehun’s voice faded away while Jongin successfully walked past Sehun’s desk and dumped his things on a second assistant, some boy whose name he couldn’t remember, taking only the tablet with him. “Good morning, sir,” the boy said meekly.

Jongin barely glanced at him. “You’re new, right?” he asked, walking backwards towards his door. The boy nodded at Jongin, clutching the folder with all the papers sticking out of it. “Got a job for you. Will you bring up the security footage on my computer?”

“Which camera, sir?” he enquired eagerly. Jongin pointed towards the elevator’s direction. “Any camera facing the opposite side of the elevator will do. Give me all the footage from… Say, the past hour,” Jongin said, feeling the sliding door behind him. The door slid open when he bumped into it, and he took a step inwards.

“Hey, I’m counting on you,” he called, just as the frosted glass door slid close with a hiss. The boy yelled back ‘I’m on it’ so Jongin took him for his word, and faced his office, walking to his desk. The glass walls around him gave him a great view of the city, and now that Seoul was baked in sunshine, Jongin felt just a tiny bit better about today. Maybe he could stay in the office, chat with Suho a little bit and call Chanyeol to meet up for lunch later on.

He pulled back his leather office chair, sat in it and leaned back with a groan. His office wasn’t very entertaining unless one wanted to take his shoes off and leave his socks on to ‘skate’ on the slick black tiled floors (Chanyeol did that once for fun), but it had internet and a very comfortable seat. These two things weren’t too bad when put together. Jongin spun in his seat while the computer booted up, a thin layer of dust over the screen.

 _Have to get the cleaning lady in later_ , he mused, staring over the horizon. The computer screen soon popped up and some windows opened up at once. Jongin clicked on a few icons, and a video started playing. It was the security footage from fifty five minutes ago according to the time stamp.

This video was facing the elevator but it was placed at an angle from above so that it captured a bit of the opposite side of the building as well. Jongin couldn’t remember how close the boy came to the elevator to take his picture, but there was no harm in checking this video out. He watched his elevator arrive at the floor and saw himself staring down at the floors below. A bit of movement from the top left of the screen caught his eye and he saw a pair of Converse sneakers just as the image of himself noticed it as well.

The boy didn’t move any closer, unfortunately, and took off without ever revealing his face to the camera. Jongin closed the window at once, clicking on another icon. This time, the camera wasn’t facing his elevator, but he could see it on the left side of the screen.

For a while, nothing happened but soon he saw the boy’s figure appear on the screen, only to stop in his tracks right before the camera could capture his face. He stood rooted at a spot where the ground from the twenty first floor came into view and blocked a bit of the opposite side of the floor, thus cutting the boy’s face off till the neck.

 _Damn_ , Jongin thought. _Almost had him._

Jongin watched for at least fifteen seconds while the boy stood there, holding his phone out towards the elevator. _He must’ve seen me on the ground floor_ , Jongin realized. The boy had waited with his phone held out for far too long for it to be a coincidence. He was definitely waiting for Jongin to arrive at the twentieth floor.

_Why?_

Was he some kind of sick stalker? Jongin wasn’t even a celebrity to begin with. Why yes, he was rich and was friends with a few celebrities he’d met at clubs or parties with Chanyeol, but that didn’t mean he was as recognizable as them. It just didn’t work that way.

The thought of the boy actually being a stalker sickened him. He knew Jongin would arrive at the twentieth floor without hesitation, which would mean he was definitely working in the building under Accuretta Systems.

Just as he moved his mouse to the little x, he saw the boy turn on his heel and his lower half of his face momentarily came into view. Jongin quickly paused the video and replayed it again, trying to see if it was someone he could recognize.

The boy had very pale skin, from what he could tell from his cheeks, as well as a pair of rather plump lips. It was strange to see such cherry lips on a boy; Jongin had seen these sort of lips on models who were genuine fakes; plastic girls with plastic noses, plastic boobs and Botox injected everywhere into their bodies. If Jongin didn’t know better, he’d think it was a girl cross-dressing as a boy.

 _Maybe it_ is _a girl_ , he thought. Jongin looked closer to see if there was a chance that the boy could’ve been a girl, but his answer came soon enough when he replayed the footage enough times to notice that the person had a very defined jaw line. He was no expert, but it looked more like a guy than a girl.

“JONGIN,” Suho’s voice suddenly hollered. Jongin closed all the windows on his computer in fright and looked up. The door slid aside as Suho leaned on the doorframe, squinting at him.

“Where were you?” he asked curtly.

“At the meeting. I believe you were there too,” Jongin replied coolly. Suho stepped into the office, looking around. There wasn’t much in Jongin’s office other than a small wet bar on the right side of the door and his reinforced glass desk. Suho pulled up one of the seats in front of Jongin and plopped into it, propping his legs up on his desk.

“Don’t kick my name plaque down,” Jongin said lightly, leaning back into his seat as well. He wasn’t CEO officially yet, but it was good to have a name on his desk. Made Jongin feel like it wasn’t a complete waste of time to be in the office, if ever.

“What brings you here?” he muttered. Suho motioned to him with his chin. “What brings _you_ in here? Don’t tell me you feel like earning the money you spend,” Suho said snidely.

Jongin huffed at him. “Actually, I’m here to overlook all of you while _you_ earn the money that I spend. And since we’re going to London soon, you’ll have to work hard to pay for the expenses.”

Suho sighed. “Ah, London. You know, Yifan wanted to have you and me for lunch to talk about London. I told him that you were going to be busy for the past few days since—”

“As you should. I will always be too busy for that tall bastard,” Jongin said. Suho snorted in response. “He’s not as bad as you might think, y’know. I’ve been to lunch with him before, and he’s not all business—”

“But he should be. I don’t want to be friends with him,” Jongin said petulantly. Suho sighed, looking at him. “Look, just because he refused your offer that one time to go to a club—”

“Nobody says no to a club,” Jongin said, offended. He had taken up one of Yifan’s offers to dinner once and wanted to end the night with some fun, only to have Yifan refuse to enter the most famous hostess club in Seoul, Club Red. It was then Jongin knew that Yifan was uptight and very proper, and they wouldn’t blend well if they went any further than business.

“I don’t like hostesses,” Suho said, pointing at himself.

“No you don’t, but you do like hookers,” Jongin teased. Suho rolled his eyes. Jongin loved the chase, while Suho only wanted girls when he needed to let off steam. Jongin preferred to let the tension build till the girl could take it no more and bring her to life under his touch. It was that much more satisfying for both of them and hey. At least he’d get his money’s worth out of her.

“Hostesses are only after money. I’m just a no-strings-attached kind of guy,” Suho said nonchalantly. Jongin thought Suho looked quite the contrary; he was always dressed well, always had a smile for almost anyone walking past him and a very easy going nature. That façade obviously faded away once Jongin really got to know him in college. This dude could chug down a six pack without batting an eyelash.

 Jongin agreed. “I’m not in it for a relationship too, but it’s just,” he shrugged, smiling. “It’s easier to talk to a girl when she already knows who you are.”

“Well. I don’t know if the girls in London know who you are but if Yifan invites you out in London, for Christ’s sake, Jongin, please say yes,” Suho said, throwing his head back in exasperation. “What if he pulls out of this deal? He’s the best and we won’t be able to start up those factories this year if I have to look for someone else in China.”

Jongin sighed. “Fine then. Wanna go out with him today? Chanyeol will have to come though, so that I’ll have a reason to leave early,” Jongin said. Chanyeol was bound to want to go shopping today; he was complaining how he couldn’t seem to find any clothes that he had never worn before in his closet. Suho thought about it. “Call Yifan up and see. I could do lunch,” Suho offered.

Jongin picked up the phone, tapping a button. Sehun picked up on the other line almost immediately. “Sir?” he said crisply.

“Sehun, Suho and I are thinking of meeting Yifan up for lunch. Should we go?” Jongin asked. Sehun snorted on the other end. “I’m your PA, I can arrange that but whether you should go or not isn’t my place to say.”

“Since when did you become such a little kitty, Sehun? You used to be really snarky before,” Jongin teased, wriggling his eyebrows at Suho. He laughed a little, listening to Jongin’s conversation.

“I like how much my boss pays me. Maybe you’d like it too, if you worked a little harder to meet Yifan on his terms,” Sehun muttered.

“Ah, now that’s the Sehun I know. You should come too, y’know. I think I’ll bring Chanyeol, just so I have an excuse to leave.”

“Okay. Shall I call him up or do you want to make the call personally?” Sehun asked.

“I’ll call. Remember what happened the last time you made a call?”

“Yes. It was not a pleasant memory,” Sehun replied frostily. Jongin laughed. “I’ll call the guy. Arrange lunch with Yifan,” Jongin said. Sehun hung up without so much as a goodbye.

“Do you have bourbon?” Suho asked, scratching his chin thoughtfully while admiring Jongin’s wet bar. He lifted an eyebrow. “Seems a lil’ early for bourbon,” he said, digging out his phone from his jacket pocket because Chanyeol was a bitch and didn’t want to take Jongin’s company calls.

“I’m your friend, I don’t have to go through your PA if you want to fucking see me,” Chanyeol had yelled at Sehun (as a message to pass on to Jongin) before. That was after Sehun had called him up on Jongin’s behalf to arrange a night out with a few girls. And it wasn’t even like he didn’t know Sehun; they all went to the same college and graduated together.

“If we’re going to lunch with Chanyeol, I’m going to need it,” Suho said, getting up to get himself a drink. Jongin shrugged, dialing Chanyeol up. “Help yourself.”

The phone rang a few times in Jongin’s ear before someone picked up.

“This is Chanyeol.”

“Who answers the phone like that?” Jongin asked.

“Me. What do you want, I’m trying to see if there’s anything I can wear for tonight’s date in the closet, and let me tell you, this isn’t looking pretty.”

“The girl or your situation?”

“Both. No one is prettier than me. But seriously, why are you calling?”

“Let me treat you to lunch and we can shop for an outfit for you after that. How does that sound?”

“Is Sehun going to be there?”

Jongin frowned and told Chanyeol to hold on. “Sehun, are you coming to the lunch with us?” Jongin called towards the door. There was a momentary pause before Sehun replied, “You’re an idiot.”

“Ah. Chanyeol, are you there? He says yes,” Jongin said to Chanyeol. Glass clinked while Suho poured himself and Jongin a drink. “Why does it matter?” Jongin asked, waving at Suho and holding up two fingers at him when he picked out a few ice cubes into the glasses.

“It matters because then I know what to wear,” Chanyeol replied. Something rustled on his end of the line; it sounded like a crushed plastic bag.

“Well, he’ll be there so. Dress properly, ‘cause Wu is gonna be there. You remember Wu, don’t you?” Jongin asked. Chanyeol made a noise of appraisal in his throat. “No, but okay.”

“Cool. I’ll text you the time later.”

“I was talking to my stylist. Is Wu the really tall Chinese guy with really great eyebrows?”

“You have a stylist?” Jongin asked, a little shocked. Someone actually helped Chanyeol dress the way he did? If dressing in wrong clothes for all the wrong occasions was a crime, Chanyeol would be on death row.

“Who do you think arranges my shoes according to color? I tell you for free, it is not me. And yeah, text me the time and place later. There’s an emergency, I can’t seem to find my feather boa,” Chanyeol said, sounding a bit distressed as he clicked off.

 “Chanyeol has a stylist,” Jongin stated slowly, putting the phone down on the table. “And a feather boa,” Jongin added, frowning. Suho returned with a glass of bourbon for Jongin and sipped at his own. “I know. Don’t you?” Suho replied mildly, sitting down once more before Jongin.

Jongin took the drink, swirling it around in the glass a few times. “Well I do, but. How does Chanyeol’s stylist style him? Is it even considered style to wear tight leather pants and a fur coat in summer?” Suho and Jongin stared into blank space while drinking their bourbon, both wondering what Chanyeol’s stylist’s life must be like. They were silent for so long, Jongin could almost hear the sound of Sehun working grumpily on his computer outside.

“Wanna get some food from the cafeteria?” Suho said when they were done with their drinks, patting his own stomach. Jongin stood up to leave. “Why not?” he replied nonchalantly, motioning for Suho to get up. Breakfast was starting to go down and lunch was probably in the late afternoon.

They left the office and Jongin handed his tablet to Sehun when they were outside. “I’ll be back for this later. I hope you still love me,” Jongin pouted at Sehun. His stoic friend glared at him. “What’s with you? Get out if you wanna eat or something so I can do your job.”

This wasn’t the friend Jongin met in college, who threw the craziest frat parties ever on campus and made out in public with his girlfriend whenever he was drunk. Jongin wasn’t sure what happened to him ever since he became an official adult, but patted his head before he left with Suho.

“What’s with Sehun? Did I piss him off?” Jongin said to Suho, pressing a button to open the elevator doors.

“He missed an episode of Mad Men last night ‘cause he was highlighting those reports for you. Said it completely slipped his mind and he totally forgot to record it,” Suho explained. Sehun could still hear them and called, “It was the series finale!”

Jongin nodded in comprehension. “Well, I’ll thank him later for doing my homework,” Jongin said as the elevator doors opened. He stepped in first and briefly considered making Suho take another elevator. This _was_ his elevator after all.

Then he remembered that Suho had once punched someone so hard in the face in college that the guy only woke up two days later just because he stained a copy of his One Piece manga. _Maybe not today,_ Jongin thought. He made way for Suho in the elevator.

“So where was that guy standing?” Suho asked, pressing the button for the ground floor. Jongin turned and pointed at the opposite side of the building. There was no one there, although Jongin half expected the boy to still be standing there.

“Huh. Pretty obvious place to sneak a photo of you, don’t you think?” Suho asked.

“Oh, so you believe me now, that the guy was snapping photos of me?”

“Your assistant needed help in pulling some security footage. I just took a peek,” Suho said nonchalantly. Jongin smirked. “I did think he was doing a bit too well. Anyway, so you totally saw the way the boy waited for my elevator to come up, right? It’s pretty creepy, now that I think about it,” Jongin said, a little shiver running down his spine.

Suho wasn’t as creeped out. “I dunno. Maybe he thinks you’re hot,” Suho said flatly. Jongin nudged him on the shoulder playfully. “ _Stop_. If he’s a stalker then it’s not that bad, but a _gay_ stalker? I can’t even hate the guy now,” Jongin laughed.

“I’m just saying there are all kinds of freaks out there, y’know? And he wouldn’t be a stalker if he wasn’t gay about ya, right?” Suho joked, glancing up at Jongin. He shrugged. “Feels weird to think he’s gay, man. I’m starting to like the idea of him snapping pictures of the building.”

They laughed, exiting the elevator once it stopped on the ground floor.

*

Lunch with Yifan was an absolute disaster.

First of all, Jongin wasn’t familiar with the menu. He didn’t like eating at unfamiliar places because that would mean he was at the mercy of the chefs in the kitchen, and God damn, did he hate the spicy steamed fish with garlic and chili Yifan had ordered. Jongin had tears in his eyes by the time he finished chewing a small piece of the fish, and they weren’t tears of happiness.

Second, Chanyeol arrived late. Worse, he came dressed in a rhinestone studded suit made by Jeremy Scott or some other flamboyant male designer. And it was _pink_ rhinestones, so it was impossible for Yifan not to be surprised. Jongin was not entirely familiar with the code of dressing one was supposed to follow on casual business lunches, but pink, sparkly suits somehow did not seem appropriate.

The last disastrous point to wrap up the disastrous lunch was that Yifan’s assistant had tagged along, only to sit stonily beside Yifan like a stern mother-in-law observing her future in-laws, finding them incompetent in her eyes, particularly Chanyeol.

Jongin felt mostly uncomfortable throughout the lunch, and was sure Suho and Sehun shared the same sentiment. They were either shifty, tapping on their cups of tea far too nervously or talking too much. Chanyeol was a bit smug because he thought Tao loved his outfit, and acted normally (as normal as he could manage) in front of Yifan and his oh-so-cuddly assistant.

Yifan on the other hand was pleasant enough and was sincerely eager to maintain a good relationship with Jongin for future business opportunities. “For both of us,” he had said warmly, holding up a cup of hot tea for a toast.

Jongin scalded himself when he bumped their cups together for the toast. He almost whispered a prayer of thanks to God when Yifan called for the bill and paid with his card.

“Yes, I think we should,” Jongin declared, practically jumping out of his seat. Each of them stood up slowly, smoothening out the creases in their expensive suits. Chanyeol’s pink suit glittered at Jongin whenever he moved, which was rather distracting. Jongin was already looking forward to the next alcoholic drink of the day.

Yifan was exceedingly polite when they had to part ways. He shook hands with Jongin while they spoke. “It’s been good to talk, Mr. Kim. May I call you Jongin?” he said hesitantly.

“It’d be weird if you didn’t,” Chanyeol butted in. Jongin eyed him and his sparkly suit.

Luckily, Yifan laughed good naturedly and waved a hand. “Let’s not be too formal, Jongin. I just wanted you to know that if you need someone with relations in China, I am a mere phone call away. I see great potential in your company and in you, and I’d love to be part of your journey to success.”

Jongin wondered where Yifan learned to be so eloquent in Korean. Even Sehun couldn’t speak this well.

“That’s good to hear… Yifan. May I call you Yifan?” Jongin asked. Yifan released his hand, flashing a million dollar smile as his Cadillac drove up beside them. “Of course, Jongin.” He sounded almost fatherly. Jongin almost expected Yifan to say, ‘Sure, sonny boy’. He shook hands with Sehun, Suho and Chanyeol as well, exchanging a few friendly words with them.

“Send my regards to your father, mm?” Yifan said. Tao opened the car door for him and he stepped in, tipping two fingers towards Jongin. “Definitely. Thank you for the lunch, Yifan. And of course, for your work in China.”

Yifan flashed them one more blinding smile before the car door slammed shut and Tao bowed stiffly at them. “Been a pleasure. We will see you soon,” he said monotonously. If Jongin didn’t know better, he’d think Tao was jealous of the fact that Yifan smiled at them. Chanyeol waved cheerfully in oblivion as Tao got in the car as well, and they soon drove off.   

“That went well,” Chanyeol sighed. “You know, I think Yifan might be great to introduce to my dad as well. Sehunnie, do you have his name card or something?” Chanyeol asked. His father owned a pharmaceutical company; very tricky business but a lucrative one.

“I don’t answer to that name anymore, and yes, I’ll e-mail your people once I get back to the office,” Sehun said somewhat sourly, drawing out a phone to call for the driver.

“What, you’re not coming with us to shop for clothes?” Jongin said, sounding close to whiny. Contrary to what Chanyeol said on the phone, they were closer to each other than Jongin was with Chanyeol. Whenever those two _did_ go out together, they would always paint the town red. Besides, they were just better as four.

“I’m going back because I actually earn a living, and Suho is coming too. Right?” Sehun looked at Suho for confirmation. Suho was unfazed. “There’re some things I need to do, yeah. You guys will be alright together, right?”

Jongin pouted at them. “We barely go out together anymore.”

“Sure we do. Chanyeol, wanna come with us to London in a few weeks?” Suho said lightly. Sehun muttered a few words into his phone, casting a glance around the area. Their car was not to be seen.

“Of course. We’ll need to shop for clothes then,” Chanyeol said, turning to Jongin. He shrugged. “I’m up for shopping. Anything but staying in the office all day.”

“Some people _do_ work, y’know,” Suho laughed, digging out his sunnies and putting them on. Jongin laughed along. His father may have been grooming him to become the successor of Accuretta Systems, but for now, Jongin was content with throwing his duties to Sehun and Suho. They were really good at it since they’d started working in the company long before Jongin’s father suddenly decided he wanted the next man of the house to take over the company rather than his two, much more capable elder sisters.

One of them was a fashion designer and another was pursuing her PhD in Europe. Jongin acquiesced to his father’s wishes since he wasn’t really sure who or what he wanted to be. Again, Sehun and Suho were there to help him, and so far they were doing fine. Jongin _would_ learn to be CEO someday, just not now.

“I’m not the only one who doesn’t work,” he replied, nudging Chanyeol in the sparkly ribs. “Careful, I don’t want any of the rhinestones to fall off,” Chanyeol said, checking to see if there was one less sparkling rhinestone on his suit.

“You’re both a waste of time, to be honest,” Sehun said dryly. “Don’t get smart with me, I’m trying to get into my shopping mood,” Chanyeol held out a hand into Sehun’s face. He slapped it away, making a face of disgust.

“But someone doesn’t think Jongin is a waste of time. Did he mention to you guys about his stalker?” Suho said, tucking his hands into his pockets when the wind blew through the streets. Spring in Seoul was chilly, but Jongin didn’t really mind. He liked the cool wind on his skin.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows shot up and disappeared behind his fringe. Sehun looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. “He has a stalker? On Instagram or…?”

“Real life,” Suho replied for Jongin. Chanyeol wowed silently, staring at Jongin with wide eyes. A bit scary if one stared at his face too long. “Who is it?” he asked excitedly. Jongin shrugged his shoulders. “No idea. Never got the chance to see his face.”

“Was he the guy on the security footage you were watching this morning?” Sehun asked. Jongin nodded.

“Tried to sneak a photo of me. I saw him, and before I could even pose he ran off. CCTV didn’t help,” Jongin said dismissively. Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would you watch the CCTV? Are you morbidly intrigued by him or something?” Chanyeol asked. Two familiar cars turned down into the street. One of them was Jongin’s company ride, a sleek Rolls Royce while Chanyeol’s personal ride was a large Range Rover, silver with gigantic wheels.

“He works in my building. Couldn’t be that hard to find him but his face didn’t show up on camera,” Jongin shrugged, eyeing Chanyeol’s Range Rover suspiciously. Chanyeol caught his line of view and smirked.

“I know what you’re gonna say. ‘Chanyeol, that’s a really sick ride’.”

“No. What made you think of buying a Range Rover? I don’t think anyone in Korea actually drives one,” Jongin said, puzzled. People like them usually spent their money on European luxury cars, not large, bulky Range Rovers with tires half the size of a tiny Smart car. They weren’t exactly uncommon on the road, but Jongin never took Chanyeol as someone who would go around in a Range Rover.

“All the rich kids in Beverly Hills have one. I thought I’d take a page outta their books,” Chanyeol shrugged.

“You’re in Seoul,” Suho frowned. Sehun nodded. “My thoughts exactly.”

“But it’s nice,” Chanyeol argued. The two cars approached them and came to a halt with their indicators on. Jongin and Chanyeol piled into the gigantic Range Rover while Suho waved at them and joined Sehun in the Rolls Royce. Jongin thought Suho always matched the Rolls Royce better than Jongin ever did. No, Jongin was more of a sports car kind of guy, something flashy and fast whereas Suho was a black Lamborghini, the kind of ride that awed people and lingered in their minds.

 _Suho should be the one with the stalker_ , Jongin thought amusedly. Jongin wasn’t the sort of guy one could obsess over without getting hurt in some way. “Driver,” Chanyeol called, crossing his legs and putting sunglasses on. “Let’s go.”

*

Jongin sank into his seat, sighing happily. There was a glass of sparkling champagne in one hand and his tablet—hooked to the jet’s Wi-Fi—in the other. Flying in his private jet was never this good. Flying in his private jet never felt any better than this.

After a long wait at the airport thanks to Chanyeol who couldn’t find his ‘other’ black leather jacket (“Not the one I always wear, the one with all the zippers on it!”), Sehun, Suho, Jongin, Chanyeol and Baekhyun got into the company’s private jet (technically Jongin’s dad’s jet, but what was his was Jongin’s anyway) and were off, on their way to Heathrow Airport.

Yifan had called a few days ago to say that the trip to London was an okay, and that he’d be there to meet them and introduce Mr. Fitzgerald to Jongin, a man who was somehow important to the factories opening up in Guangzhou, although how exactly, Jongin still wasn’t sure. Suho and Sehun hadn’t explained anything to Jongin yet, but since they had to go to London, they did. Travelling with his three good friends was always fun.

And Chanyeol ended up wearing his go-to leather jacket anyway, which incidentally also had a lot of zippers on it. Jongin wasn’t sure how the other leather jacket would look different in London, but then again no one ever questioned Chanyeol’s taste for a good reason.

They were served chilled champagne by a charming stewardess—in the morning, honestly—but Jongin did not refuse. As long as he wasn’t drunk by midday, a little alcohol never hurt anyone. Most of them took the glasses of champagne from the stewardess and sipped at them gingerly except for Suho, who was ‘on his meds’.

“I take these red ginseng pills every morning and they don’t work if I drink two hours after I’ve taken them,” Suho said uneasily, eyeing the glass in Jongin’s hand, which was already half empty. “You drank bourbon the other day,” Jongin pointed out, swirling the translucent liquid around in its flute.

“ _Recently_ _started_ taking red ginseng pills,” Suho corrected himself. “And what effect are they supposed to have on you? Warning, side effects include bad taste in airport fashion,” Chanyeol said, getting all snarky. Even Sehun looked up and snorted at that.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Suho said indignantly. Everything was wrong about it. Chanyeol had texted all of them (even Baekhyun) to wear casual formal clothes, and most of them acceded to his instructions. Of course, different rules apply to Chanyeol since his idea of casual formal is usually different from others, and had arrived in said leather jacket, black jeans and a T-shirt with Notorious B.I.G. printed on it. Suho, on the other hand, came in a matching sky blue two piece outfit, and had his knees out on display. It was spring in Seoul, for God’s sake. The rest of them came in V-necks or tees with suit jackets. Chanyeol approved all of their outfits except for Suho, apparently.

“No guy shows his knees unless he’s one, a K-pop idol. I sense that you work in the corporate world and that your salary is not at the mercy of teenage girls getting horny over your legs. I will say, however, that you do have a lovely singing voice when we karaoke. And two, are you a model? With your height? One thousand percent no. And lastly, are you going to the beach? No. IT’S LONDON PRINTED ON THE BOARDING PASS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.” 

Suho looked mightily offended. “Well what do you suggest I do?” he asked stiffly smoothening out imaginary creases on his shorts. He was the oldest out of all of them, for Christ’s sake. Jongin didn’t understand why he didn’t see what was wrong with this outfit.

“Take my glass of champagne, drink all of it and tell me what you think of your outfit,” Chanyeol said, handing his glass to Suho. The stewardess who was lingering somewhere behind them appeared with a new glass of champagne and quickly passed it on to Chanyeol, murmuring that other light refreshments would soon be served.

Suho took the glass and downed all of it, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. Sehun and Baekhyun were too busy playing some online game against each other, but Jongin was far too entertained with the scene in front of him to read the article on his tablet just yet. Suho placed the glass down on a tray just as the plane shuddered, going over a cloud or something like that. Jongin felt the champagne in his hand tremble, but the rest of them didn’t seem to notice.

“I knew it was a bad idea to wear knee length shorts in spring,” Suho muttered. Chanyeol stood up and whooped, clapping his hands loudly like he was expecting an encore. Jongin couldn’t help laughing while Suho palmed his face in despair, drumming his fingers on the tray beside him. Sehun looked up at Chanyeol blankly.

“Could you sit down? It’s very distracting to have your arms flailing like that above my head,” he said politely. Sehun was only ever polite when he was annoyed, so Chanyeol toned it down a notch, settling back into his seat and patted Suho over the back. “The first step to rehabilitation is to admit you have a problem,” he said kindly.

“I’ll change into a different pair of pants later. I can’t believe I let my stylist talk me into wearing this,” Suho said sadly, looking down at his knees. “I mean look at my legs! They’re so pasty and white,” he said, stretching out his legs. Jongin was looking at his legs, and the colour of his skin wasn’t the worst part about knee length shorts.

“Have you ever thought about shaving?” Jongin asked, looking at the unruly curls growing on Suho’s calves.

“I have, but I just never got around to it. Besides, I heard it was manly to just be cool about it.”

“There’s nothing cool about your leg hair, dude. Get it shaved or I’ll never go out clubbing with you ever again,” Chanyeol threatened, staring at Suho in the eye while downing his champagne in one mouth.

“More champagne!” he roared.

A few hours later, Jongin finally got around to reading the news on his tablet over lunch. There was an earthquake in South East Asia, and thousands of people were in need of medical supplies, blankets, clean water and food. Jongin made a note to himself to donate some money to the appropriate fund; publicity was important to Accuretta Systems. Besides, if it meant helping those helpless buggers, then why not?

In a more fascinating article, the number of gay couples getting married were on the rise overseas, and the writer of the article interviewed a few locals to gain insight on their thoughts about this subject. Homosexuality was not something Asians, particularly Koreans, looked upon favorably. The younger generation generally wasn’t homophobic; they were just tentative about people liking other people of the same gender. But they were opening up, that was for sure. The older generation, on the contrary, were of course, appalled and bigoted by the idea of homosexuality.   

This topic made Jongin think about his stalker, whom he hadn’t thought about since the day he saw him. Stalker boy never made a second appearance, as far as Jongin could tell. _Probably realized he was in the building to work and not to take photos of me,_ Jongin thought. It still poked at him though; was the stalker really gay? Jongin was as straight as a flag pole just as his friends around him enjoyed all the pleasures a woman could offer. What was it about Jongin that seemed to appeal to his stalker?

“Guys, can I ask you a serious question?” Jongin said, looking up from his tablet. Chanyeol looked busy cutting up his steak but said, “Yeah, what?” Suho looked up at him, indicating that he was listening while Sehun and Baekhyun ignored him, crunching on their garlic bread.

“Oi, I’m talking to all of you,” Jongin said indignantly, hitting Sehun on the arm. Sehun chortled on his garlic bread and glared at him balefully, but at least he had their attention.

“What do you guys think about homos?” Jongin asked, poking at the pile of warm mashed potato on his plate. Sehun snorted at him. “Is that it?” he asked.

“Well, it’s a serious question,” Jongin said defensively. Chanyeol made a face. “Can I ask where did this question come from?” Suho nodded. “Yeah, Jongin. Why do you ask?”

Jongin held up his tablet for all of them to read the title of the article. “Gay couples getting married; what are your thoughts?” Chanyeol read aloud.

“Yeah. What do you guys think about it, homo jokes aside?” Jongin asked.

“Gay people are just there, man. They’ve always been there since like, forever. You know those eunuchs in the Imperial Courts in ancient China? I heard that some of them were actually gay,” Chanyeol said, putting a bit of well done steak into his mouth.

“So you’re neutral?” Jongin said. Chanyeol shrugged. “I don’t hate them. They haven’t done anything bad to me or any of us, so I don’t see why I should. Besides, gay designers make the _best_ clothes,” Chanyeol added. That was a good point.

“What about you, Suho?” Jongin said, scooping up some mashed potato into his mouth.

Suho pursed his lips, thinking hard. “I’m going with Chanyeol on this. I don’t hate homosexuality or feel strongly about it. It’s just an issue that’s always been around and it’s never really affected us, I guess, so I can’t say that gay people are… y’know.”

“Would you guys be okay with being friends with a gay person?” Jongin asked.

“I never knew that reporting was your calling, Jongin. It really suits you,” Sehun snickered. Jongin held his sticky fork towards Sehun’s white jacket menacingly. “Answer the damn question,” he muttered, cheeks going pink.

“I have a gay friend,” Sehun said petulantly, pushing Jongin’s fork away. “And it’s not like, weird or anything. We talk like normal guys and sometimes he gives me great advice on how to dress. That’s the only thing that I’d say is different compared to talking to one of you guys.”

“’Scuse me, but I give out great advice on fashion too. For free,” Chanyeol added for emphasis. Sehun studiously ignored him.  

“The point is that being gay doesn’t change anything to me. You’re still a human so why should people treat you any differently?” Sehun said nonchalantly, returning to his garlic bread. Jongin nodded in comprehension.

Baekhyun leaned over. “Can I…?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Jongin said, gesturing for him to talk. “Okay,” Baekhyun sat up, putting his fork down. “So I used to attend an all boys school, and I didn’t really know what homosexuality was until I saw this boy being bullied. The older guys were kicking him in the guts and I just. I don’t know, I felt sorry for him at the time, I guess, so my friends and I got that kid out of trouble without knowing why he was being beat up.

Then he told me he was gay, and that someone had spilled his secret to everyone in school. He told me he wanted to kill himself by jumping over the roof, but those boys found him and guessed that he wanted to jump because everyone knew. So instead of letting him jump or saving him, they pulled him back only to beat him up and make him feel worse about himself.”

“What did you say to him?” Jongin asked, absorbed into the story.

“I told him that _I_ didn’t know he was gay, so obviously the secret wasn’t as out there as he thought, and that that wasn’t a legit reason for those guys to bully him. I reported those guys with my friends to the school authorities and the gay guy is now a very good friend of mine,” Baekhyun smiled.

They were silent for awhile. Obviously, being gay certainly didn’t mean you were challenged in some way. And why did the gender of your preferred sexual partner matter? Whatever happens in the bedroom should obviously stay in the bedroom.

“That was a good story, Baekhyun,” Jongin said, breaking the silence. “I didn’t know what I felt about homosexuality, but I see now that it doesn’t really matter because at the end of every day, your sexual orientation doesn’t define who you are. And it shouldn’t,” Jongin said, thoughtful.

“Is this about your stalker?” Suho asked, his lips lifting up into a half smile. Jongin huffed a laugh, looking down at his lunch. “It might be. It just makes everything different if he is gay.”

“But you just said sexual orientation doesn’t matter,” Chanyeol protested. Sehun could tell the conversation was over and started chatting to Baekhyun about attending an all-boys school. “Who had the biggest dick in your class?” he asked.

“It _doesn’t_ matter if he’s gay,” Jongin replied Chanyeol. “It only makes things different because I am straight, very straight, and stalkers do what they do because they—”

“Covet the object of their affections?” Chanyeol finished helpfully.

“’Affections’ is an understatement, but you get the point,” Jongin allowed. “I mean, he has to be attracted to me physically or something, right, enough that it makes him want to take photos of me?” Jongin said.

“I don’t think analyzing the mind of a stalker is wise,” Suho said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “He could be attracted to you or he could be a P.I., you never know. Isn’t this like, Stockholm Syndrome anyway? Empathizing with a kidnapper, or in your case, a stalker?”

“He’s human too,” Jongin argued weakly.

Chanyeol laughed light heartedly. “We’re humans too, and we’re all too complicated for any of us to fully understand one another.”

*

Jongin pursed his lips while waiting for Yifan and Mr. Fitzgerald. It was eleven p.m. now and Jongin had landed in London approximately three hours ago. All of them had gotten on the plane feeling excited but they had gotten off sleepy, tired and aching for a soft bed to fall asleep into. Upon arrival, they were whisked away in limos provided by Yifan himself to collect them from the airport, and were all sent to the Hilton Hotel within the hour.

Jongin sank into his bed once he was led to his suite but of course, there was none of that for now. First, they had to get ready to go out and have a quick dinner. Jongin ate in his room while his stylist, who had arrived the day before and stayed on another floor in the hotel, came in and did his hair and dabbed a bit of makeup to hide the circles around his eyes. He drank some coffee to stay up, and the caffeine was kicking in now, although he hoped all the energy he had now wasn’t about to go to waste.

The bistro they were sent to under Yifan’s orders was called Bungalow 8, located at the very top of a very tall building. It was an outdoor area so there were bright, neon lights lining the branches of thin, tall straggly trees, and the colors changed every so often, casting blue, green, pink, purple shadows on the patrons hanging around the bistro.

Sensual, husky music played over invisible speakers, setting an ethereal mood around the neon playground. Young women hung out by the bar while men ranging from adolescent to middle aged were scattered throughout the bistro; some were drinking at their own tables, some were eating by the bar and some were smoking cigarettes over the glass balcony, talking amongst themselves.

“Why is Yifan late?” Jongin complained, looking at his watch. He wanted to order a substantially stronger drink other than a Bacardi and Coke, but Sehun had advised him to hold back until Mr. Fitzgerald arrived. “You’ll have to drink and convince him to drink as well y’know, just to make him happy,” Sehun had murmured in his ear. Jongin wished he was the kind of guy who smoked. At least he’d have something better to do than to stare at London’s skyline, pretty though it was. For now, Jongin, Sehun, Suho, and Baekhyun were huddled around a tall table, standing in different positions exuding boredom while Chanyeol was already throwing back martinis at the bar, keeping a distance from them until they had a deal with Mr. Fitzgerald.

“Champagne for everyone!” he bellowed, almost slipping off his stool by accident. Jongin looked over at him wishfully, and wondered if Yifan was ever going to arrive so Jongin could just get this over with. Chanyeol looked like he was having drunken fun already, and they’d only been here for half an hour.

“He’s gonna be here soon,” Sehun muttered, looking over the edge of the balcony in distaste. He never liked getting drunk at high altitudes.

“Well, he should be. He said ten, and we were already running late, so for him to be late on us is just short of annoying,” Jongin complained, draining the last few drops of his cup. Suho was sipping at some vodka tonic, but he was doing so very sparingly. Jongin knew he was dying to just throw it all back as well.

“No, I mean he’s going to be here soon because I think I saw his ride down below,” Sehun said, nursing his bottle of cold beer in one hand. “Finally,” Jongin sighed, waving a waiter over.

“Some Cristal for all of us, please. There’ll be more people in a few minutes, so could you serve it to us when they arrive?” Jongin said in English to a young waiter, not much older than him. “Right away, sir,” the boy smiled. His British accent had a slight twang to it. _Probably Irish_ , Jongin thought.

“I bet Mr. Fitzgerald’s gonna want more than champagne,” Baekhyun said, scrolling on his phone. Jongin frowned. “Why?”

Baekhyun handed his phone to Jongin. There were a few photos of Mr. Fitzgerald at a nightclub, arms around two Russian models while he gripped a bottle of whiskey in one hand. The man looked exactly like how his name sounded; strong, prominent features with a large pot belly sticking out from his front. His face was red in most of the photos, with a spattering of hair on his round head. Jongin read the captions below the photos: The man was in his late forties and he’d been married thrice already. He was a heavy drinker and had been arrested multiple times for driving under the influence of alcohol, but what were a few summonses when he was a multimillionaire living in London? This was news to Jongin.

“No one told me this guy was the future version of Chanyeol,” Jongin said, looking up at Suho and Sehun. “Well you know now. But no matter how his personal life looks like, he’s got killer connections, Jongin. We need him as an ally,” Suho said, motioning to the phone. Jongin looked through a few more photos before he handed the phone back to Baekhyun. 

“And you’re telling me now why?” Jongin asked. Suho smirked. “If we told you any earlier, you would’ve insisted on visiting some hostess club. Then we’d never get anything done,” Suho smiled.

Jongin snorted but looked away in embarrassment. There was some truth in that, yes, but he wasn’t going to admit to that. The champagne came almost at once, along with a tray of glasses. The waiter stood beside them on standby while Jongin and Suho made their way to the elevator.

“Be nice, yeah?” Suho smiled at Jongin. Jongin plastered on a fake smile as well, waiting for Mr. Fitzgerald’s arrival. Any minute now…

The red numbers above the elevator stopped at the thirty second floor and dinged loudly. A moment later Yifan stepped out, head bowed because he was too tall for the entrance, even in the UK. 

“Wu!” Jongin said brightly, holding his hands out welcomingly towards Yifan as if he wanted to bear hug Yifan. He looked up, briefly startled before he regained his composure. “Oh, Jongin, it’s you,” he said, eyes disappearing into a smile. He was dressed in a white collared shirt and dark pants, his entire length encased in an unbuttoned fabulous trench coat.

A man, visibly shorter than the both of them, stepped out of the elevator behind Yifan. Jongin recognized him as Mr. Fitzgerald right away and peered at him curiously.

“Mr. Fitzgerald?” The man glanced at him, then at Yifan. “Yes, it’s Mr. Fitzgerald, Jongin. Sir, this is Mr. Kim, whom I’ve been telling you about,” Yifan said, putting a hand on both their shoulders. The Englishman brightened up at once and practically yelled a ‘Hello’ at Jongin and Suho.

“Wu here has told me lots of things about you, son. Have you booked a table for us yet? We must simply talk, Mr. Kim, call me Scott,” Mr. Fitzgerald, now Scott, said. Jongin was a bit bewildered but did not show it, instead took Scott’s proffered hand and shook it.

“I hear you’ve been here for only a few hours. How was the flight?” Scott asked as they headed to where Sehun was standing straight now, a tinge of concern in his voice. _Must be English hospitality_ , Jongin thought. “Oh, it was a long flight but I’m alright now,” Jongin replied lightly.

The waiter popped the champagne cover and all of them had a sip while chatting about idle things. Scott got down to business easily enough, and they talked for about an hour or so. Jongin listened to what Scott had to offer, and found it all to be fair. Suho nodded at Jongin when Scott was done talking, so Jongin agreed to do business with Scott. At the end of it, Yifan produced a contract in which he, Scott and Jongin took turns in signing it.

To Jongin’s relief, the deal was sealed and that finally meant real booze. Buzzing from the bottle of champagne, he called the waiter over and finally said, “Bring us some shots.” Scott agreed explicitly that shots were in order and that even the prude (also known as Yifan) would have to do at least two rounds.

“One for the contract, one for the future,” Scott declared. Yifan laughed nervously. He had no choice to agree and take the shot glass from the waiter once it was brought over. Jongin held it up with a flourish, his mood notably lifted now that alcohol was finally involved.

Yifan rolled up his sleeves like he was expecting a fist fight while Jongin cried, “To success!”

“To success!” Everyone around the table yelled. At this point, Chanyeol (who was more than halfway to passed out drunk) came and joined them, holding up his margarita, tiny umbrella and all. “Hell yeah!” he shouted, voice cracking.

Jongin clinked his glass against Chanyeol’s margarita before throwing it back. The brandy burned its way down the back of Jongin’s throat but he didn’t even care. _Work hard, play hard_ , Jongin thought, waving at the waiter for another round. Yifan looked like he’d just swallowed a dead fish, but Jongin ignored him. He’d never met a businessman who couldn’t drink anyway.

The next few hours were a bit of a blur. Jongin could only remember bits and pieces of the night like he wasn’t really there. At first it was shots, but then somehow vodka was involved and Jongin couldn’t refuse so he drank every drink offered to him until the next thing he knew, he was dancing with a Caucasian girl, blue eyes and red hair out on display.

She wasn’t shy with him, that much he could remember. The girl rubbed her entire body over Jongin’s front, hands running down from his waist to his thighs and squeezing them. He couldn’t recall much of what she said, but Jongin supposed it must’ve hot at the time. That would certainly explain why the next memory he had of that night was of him stumbling into the elevator with her, promising that her millions of dollars if she spent the night with him.

“Baby, you have to stay with me tonight,” Jongin slurred, her image doubling and then tripling at an alarming rate. “Honey, you’re gonna have to give me more than just your credit card if you want me,” she giggled, curling her arms around Jongin’s neck. Jongin wasn’t sure how he was still holding a glass of vodka, but when he noticed it in his hand, he drank the entire contents and flung it to the elevator floor, where it shattered into pieces.

The girl giggled deliriously in his arms, pressing her boobs to his chest. Jongin didn’t know if he’d make it to the hotel room in one piece, but a man had to hope. Where was Suho anyway?

“Where’s my—where’s my um. My friends? Suho?” Jongin said blearily. The elevator doors opened and the girl dragged him out, ignoring what he said while laughing at something. Jongin was tugged towards the exit while he scanned the lobby, looking for a familiar face. There was no one around except the both of them and the receptionist at the desk.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Jongin muttered, double vision making him feel sick all of a sudden. He burped and held back his puke while stumbling out of the building, looking frantically from left to right. “What’s wrong?” the girl said, frowning at him.

Jongin made it into an alleyway before he spewed the contents of his stomach into a ditch, stomach rolling nauseously inside him. He was so dizzy he couldn’t even see straight anymore and wondered if everyone had already went home.

“Gotta get home,” Jongin groaned, spitting on the ground. Somewhere outside the alley, he could hear the girl’s high pitched voice bitching about something, but he couldn’t hear it clearly. Jongin’s ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton and his legs were starting to go numb too.

“Gotta go… Gotta find the…” Jongin mumbled to himself, tripping over his feet while he gripped the walls beside him and took three steps forward.

Someone was outside the alleyway, waiting for him. “Jongin, are you okay?” Whoever it was sounded panicked. Jongin’s vision was not to be trusted; he couldn’t make out the person’s face other than fair skin and a collared shirt. “Yifan?” he said in confusion. But Yifan wasn’t so short…

“No, I’m—Never mind, let’s get you back to the hotel,” the guy said. Jongin thanked the Lord someone was here to save him. Where was the lobby again? Was it that speck of sepia light in the far off distance? Jongin could hear the thrum of a car engine and the sound of someone grappling with the door handle.

“To the Hilton Hotel, please,” Jongin’s savior said, putting Jongin’s arm over his shoulder. “I’m living in the suite,” Jongin muttered, feeling sleepy. His savior grunted as he tried to carry Jongin’s weight.

“I know.”


	2. it feels better biting down

Jongin suddenly opened his eyes, a sense of panic gripping his heart.

_Where the fuck am I?_

His head throbbed right after that thought. “Shit,” Jongin muttered, closing his eyes before he could register anything. The pounding in his head was almost too much to take. It felt like someone was hitting him over the head with a crowbar, and that wasn’t a nice feeling.

Distracted by his hangover, Jongin settled back into bed only to realize that… _he was in bed_. Who the fuck got him into a _bed_? He tried to think about what happened last night, but everything came up blank, like the previous night didn’t even happen. _Did I sleep with some chick last night?_ He thought. Jongin came up blank; he couldn’t really think of how he got into a bed.

The blankets and everything were cozy around him though, so he waited till the pain in his head abated just a bit and then slowly, agonizingly slow, he opened his eyes again.

Jongin could see the ceiling and it wasn’t in double vision, so that was good. The walls, however, looked a tad bit closer than yesterday evening, and he was positive that the wall on his right wasn’t supposed to be this close.

 _This isn’t my suite_ , Jongin thought. He prayed that he was still in the same country at least.

Now that his senses were slowly starting to function, he could hear the sound of water running in the shower. It was coming from the wall beside him, and he knew that showers meant that someone was in the bathroom.

So he wasn’t alone. Whether that was a good thing or not, he wasn’t sure. Jongin rubbed his eyes, pushing himself up with one arm.

 _Lord_ , Jongin thought, _what did I drink last night?_ His headache was definitely a product of jet lag and alcohol, there was just no other way to be this hung over right after waking up. He had gone clubbing before, but had never experienced drinking a few hours after getting off a plane. He made a mental note to never try this again for at least five years.  

Before he could even get a sense of where he was, the shower squeaked and everything was silent. He blinked rapidly and tried to guess where he was from his surroundings. Curtains blocked his view of the windowsill on his far left. A telephone sat on the dresser beside him. _Hotel_ , Jongin thought.

He decided to risk being beat up by some mobster in the shower and leaned over towards the telephone. All he needed to see was a card with Hilton Hotel over the top and a list of numbers below and immediately sighed a breath of relief.

Of course. It was probably Baekhyun or Sehun in the shower. Who else could be in there? _I’ve been worried for nothing_ , he scoffed.

The bathroom door opened and Jongin flopped back on the bed, tucking himself back into bed. “Hey, Sehun. Or Baekhyun, maybe Suho. Thanks for rescuing my ass,” Jongin called without looking over his shoulder. It took him a moment to realize that the blanket was soft against his bare skin and that he didn’t have his own shirt on.

 _Sehun must be feeling extra nice_ , Jongin thought. If he was feeling this bad after the night before, he’d have to have puked at some time. Meanwhile, his savior was still silent behind him.

 _Savior_ , Jongin thought. A sense of déjà vu came over him; he was rescued last night by a savior, wasn’t he? Jongin remembered thinking that his savior was a little short too. And Sehun wasn’t short by any standards.

He turned around, half praying for it to be Baekhyun or Suho. It wasn’t.

Whoever it was, he was trying to get his own clothes on as fast as possible without feeling the chill of the air conditioner in the room. His skin was so blindingly white, Jongin could hardly believe this could be Baekhyun. But his silhouette was strikingly familiar…

The person turned around and suddenly gave a loud _WHOA_ when he met Jongin’s gaze. Jongin only caught a glimpse of his frightened expression before he turned around. “I thought you were going back to sleep?” he said, pressing himself against the closet and covering his face. Jongin frowned. “I was. Then I realized that you’re not Sehun.”

_Where have I seen him before?_

“I’ll um. I’ll leave so that you can use the bathroom if you want. Do you need… coffee?” the person asked. Jongin was still too out of it to really remember who this person was, but supposed he was harmless enough if he was going to bring him coffee.

“Yeah. Two sugars and—”

“Low fat milk. Got it,” the person said, grasping for the door and flying out so fast before Jongin could even continue his sentence. _Is this Sehun’s junior secretary?_ Jongin thought. Junior secretaries usually worked on the twentieth floor as well, except they were on the other side of the building where Jongin saw his stalker. Junior secretaries usually got coffee for Jongin and Sehun, including the new boy working as second assistant—

 _Stalker boy_ , Jongin suddenly thought. It came to him like a revelation, as if someone had whispered it to him in his ear. It was Stalker boy getting him coffee, he just _knew_ it from his slight frame and pale skin. Jongin was confident he’d be able to identify him if he could just get a look at his lips.

Who the fuck else would remember his coffee order anyway?

 _Wait, wait, why does he know my coffee order?_ Jongin interrupted himself. That was a tad bit more personal than just snapping photos of him. In any case, he reached for the telephone gingerly and grabbed the card with numbers all over it, scanning it carefully to see which number he was supposed to dial to call up someone else in another room.

“Hello?”

“Oi, Sehun. It’s me.”

“Fuck, Jongin, where the _fuck_ are you right now? You never came back last night,” Sehun said, sounding relieved but angry at the same time.

“Relax, I made it back fine. Stalker boy brought me back to the Hilton,” Jongin replied, swinging his legs over the bed to stand up while massaging the bridge of his nose. His pants were spattered with dots of dried vomit, but he was thankful Stalker boy didn’t attempt to remove it. If he did, Jongin would have to press charges and that would just make his headache worse than it was now.

“What? Which stalker? And you’re in the Hilton? Which room?” Sehun demanded. He sounded like he was pacing the room.

“Will you calm down, I’m safe, okay? For now anyway. Stalker boy, remember him? He’s getting me coffee while I use his bathroom,” Jongin said, flicking the curtain away to see if the view matched his own view from his suite. It was a few floors below his top floor suite, but yes, the opposite building was still the same. He was at the Hilton for sure.

“Why are you using his bathroom? Come up to your own suite, there’s more towels anyway. And stalker as in the one from the security feed?” Sehun asked.

“Yeah. Look, I’d take the elevator up to my suite but,” Jongin looked around. Yup, his shirt was gone. “I can’t find a shirt to put on, so—”

“I don’t give a shit, come up with clothes on or no, or I will come to your floor. Which room are you in?” Sehun demanded, irritated.

“Hold on,” Jongin replied. Jongin padded over to the door on his numb feet and looked out of the peephole. There was no one in the hallway, so he quickly stuck his head out and checked the room number.

“Room 1563. I might be in the shower though,” Jongin said, shutting the door carefully. He wasn’t sure why he was being so careful. Must be the foreign feeling of having his stalker about to bring him coffee.

“I don’t care, I’m coming now,” Sehun snapped.

“Look, you really don’t have to come get me. I’ll come up right after I shower, okay, I feel pretty nasty right now.” His headache wasn’t easing up on him either. Some hot water would do him good.

“Call me back in fifteen minutes and I’ll send someone to get you. If you don’t call, I’ll bring MI5 here, I swear—”

“Yeah, love you too, Sehun, bye,” Jongin dragged the last word out and hung up on him. There was coffee coming, a shower waiting and some questions to be answered. All this had to be done in fifteen minutes, but he could work with that.

Jongin was out of the shower in two minutes, a record time really, but he’d wash his hair properly and soak in the tub in his own suite later. As long as the taste of bile and vomit was out of his mouth, he was fine. It was a pity he couldn’t stay in the shower any longer; regardless, he wanted time to poke around the hotel room before Stalker boy came back, and he was bound to return sooner rather later.

He came out with a towel around his waist and another draped over his head, hair dripping wet while he peered through the peephole. Still no sign of Stalker boy, so he took it as an opportunity to open up the closet and see if there was anything there. Nothing much in his luggage bag except for clothes and underwear. His underwear wasn’t branded, a sign that he wasn’t that high up in the company.

 _What about his desk?_ Jongin thought, spotting a long lens camera he didn’t see at first on the table across the bed. Some papers and a laptop littered the desk; a fount of information in Jongin’s eyes.

He was willing to bet that the laptop had a password so Jongin grabbed the camera first, pressing every button on the thing until the screen came on. The papers weren’t much, just drafts of a contract. Boring stuff. Jongin tried to turn the laptop on, but it was dead.

The camera beeped in his hand, and he returned his attention to it. At first, he was disoriented by what he saw.

His face filled up the entire screen and it took him some time to realize that it was a photo taken some time ago, probably in Seoul during winter, when he wore his coats with the collars turned up because scarves were too much of a hassle. Jongin didn’t understand why his face would be on the camera, but he soon came to realize that every photo on the camera was of him.

Every last one.

 _But of course_ , he thought, going through what seemed like hundreds of photos of himself. Stalker boy _was_ a stalker. The proof was resting in his hands, final and concrete. There were photos of him looking drunk, serious, sleepy, moody from that time when Sehun gave him a rather disappointing Christmas present… How did he even get some of these shots without Jongin ever noticing? He scrolled to the latest photo, and it was a picture of him sleeping in bed, eyes shut and mouth opened slightly.

 _Okay, this is just borderline obsessive_ , he thought. How was he supposed to delete this photo? It was far too personal to allow Stalker boy to keep this photo for himself.

The door clicked quietly. Jongin glanced up, panicked and switched the camera off, sacrificing subtlety for speed and thunked the camera down on the table while reaching for a remote with his other hand.

“Ugh, how do you turn this on?” he said obnoxiously, looking at a TV in false distaste. Stalker boy had his head bowed as he shut the door behind him. Jongin pretended to fling the remote aside, and shifted his gaze to Stalker boy.

Stalker boy shuffled over, keeping his distance from Jongin and placed his coffee down on the desk, along with salted crackers on a plate. “Just in case you’re feeling nauseous,” he muttered, already turning away.

“Wait,” Jongin blurted, taking a step forward. Stalker boy stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Are you gonna leave?” Jongin asked, which wasn’t the most important question he should be asking right now, but was the safest one he could ask without embarrassing the both of them.   

 “I have things to do,” the boy muttered.

“You work for me, don’t you? Don’t go yet,” Jongin said, obviously abusing his position as future CEO, but at least it made the boy hesitate.

“I sent your clothes for dry cleaning. It’ll be sent to your room when it’s cleaned,” the boy said softly. His voice was firm somehow. It was surprisingly steady for someone who was supposed to be obsessed with the person talking to him right now. _The voice of a psychopath_ , Jongin thought briefly.

“Thanks, but that isn’t why I’m not letting you leave just yet.” The boy tensed like he was thinking of running away.

“How do you know I work for you?” the boy asked, turning just a fraction to the right with his head still bowed.

Jongin reached for his coffee languidly, sipping at it. The coffee wasn’t too bad. He pulled the chair out from the desk and sat down, bringing himself closer to the boy. He still couldn’t see the boy’s entire face yet, but his lips were unmistakably the same ones Jongin had seen on the security footage.

“Look at me first, then maybe I’ll answer your question,” Jongin said boldly. At this point, they both knew that Jongin could fire him in a second if he wanted to and that obeying him was probably better than going against him. Jongin waited patiently for the boy to react. He couldn’t just stand there with his head down forever.

He finally looked up uncertainly, his gaze roaming the entire room. The boy looked at the ceiling, the carpet, his shoes, the bathroom beside him, anything but Jongin in front of him. It was almost painful to see.

 And he didn’t look the way Jongin thought from the way his voice sounded. Rich and smooth like soft ice cream whereas his face was slightly round, with a large pair of almost shimmering eyes and distinctive lips. Jongin almost had to remind himself that this boy was his stalker, and a good one at that. Most of the photos he had taken were at private functions; clearly he knew how to be subtle.  

“What’s your name?” Jongin asked.

The only sign that the boy was nervous under Jongin’s gaze was from the way he wringed his wrists. “Kyungsoo,” he mumbled. He sounded deferential, but he _looked_ defiant.

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin said decisively. “So Kyungsoo, care to explain why I’m in your hotel room right now and not in my own suite?”

“You were drunk and I—I had to help, otherwise you’d just stumble around London like some drunkard. I mean, you could’ve been mugged o-or taken away to be sold off as a slave or something—”

“Or kidnapped by a stalker.”

Kyungsoo blushed a deep red, looking away. “I knew I shouldn’t have been there at the elevator.”

Jongin looked at him incredulously. “That’s not why I’m staring at you like this and I think you know it,” he said, widening his eyes at the boy in front of him. Up close, his features were soft, muted with the morning light filtering through the curtains. Jongin didn’t know if it was the buzz from all the alcohol a few hours ago, but the boy had the most fascinating face. 

“I know,” Kyungsoo sighed, blinking rapidly. “And I-I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“That’s not the worst of everything yet. What’s this about?” Jongin said, pulling the camera towards him by the strap. He figured if he was going to interrogate the living lights out of the poor boy, might as well ask him about everything now.

“Well?” Jongin said, holding up the camera. Kyungsoo paled visibly. “That’s personal property,” he muttered. For a moment, Jongin thought his gaze lingered over Jongin’s naked chest just a little longer than necessary, but Kyungsoo looked away so fast he couldn’t even decide if he was affronted that he’d look at him like that.

“Yeah, but this face isn’t yours. Just be out with it, Kyungsoo. Are you stalking me?” Jongin asked flatly. The least he could do was be honest.

Kyungsoo sighed, covering his face with one hand. “I take it as a yes then,” Jongin said. He put the camera down and reached for a cracker, biting down into it. It was crunchy and salty just the way it should be. Perfect for someone who’d been drinking the previous night and was sort of kidnapped by his stalker.

“I’ll get my own flight ticket home,” Kyungsoo muttered, running a hand through his hair. Jongin looked at him bewilderedly.

“Why?”

It was Kyungsoo’s turn to look bewildered. “Because _you’re_ here, asking me questions about your—your _pictures_ and I’m sorry about everything, so will you please leave, or at least let _me_ leave?”

“I’m not done with this conversation.”

“But I am.”

“You don’t leave unless I tell you to,” Jongin said, a little displeased with the way Kyungsoo was acting. He was neither disgusted nor fascinated by Kyungsoo’s apparent obsession over him, just overall very… curious about why Kyungsoo would be obsessed about him, of all people in Accuretta Systems.

Kyungsoo didn’t move, chewing his bottom lip nervously as Jongin ate his cracker, staring at Kyungsoo.

“I have to ask, Kyungsoo. Are you—Well… _Gay_?” Jongin said, breaking the momentary silence.

He looked at Jongin with wide eyes, mouth dropping open in surprise. “I-I don’t think that’s any of your business. Look, if you want to press charges o-or sue me, just get it over with, _please_. I don’t want to deal with you directly like this, I don’t. Like it,” Kyungsoo said, the words spilling out in a rush.

Jongin sensed that maybe Kyungsoo didn’t think about this part when he hauled Jongin into his room instead of his own suite. But then again, Kyungsoo could never have managed to get up to the suite without the key that Jongin had left with the receptionist. He decided that this wasn’t a good time to push Kyungsoo for details. Perhaps when they returned to Korea, he’d call Kyungsoo to his office once he calmed down; he was too shocked to do anything else but be defensive.

Jongin picked up the plate and cup of coffee, standing up abruptly in front of Kyungsoo. He looked up at him questioningly. “I’ll leave, Kyungsoo. This is your room and I think I’ve outstayed my welcome,” Jongin said flatly.

Picking up his pants, he headed for the door, brushing past a stiff Kyungsoo. Jongin stepped out onto the hallway, topless and all before Kyungsoo suddenly called him. “Mr. Kim, um, wait! What about… me? What are you going to do?” Kyungsoo asked fearfully.

Jongin shrugged. “Haven’t decided. My head hurts too much for me to think any further into the future than five minutes so. And don’t call me that,” he said nonchalantly. Kyungsoo stared back at him like he’d just grown two horns, eyes wide.  

“Good. See you then,” Jongin said, walking to the elevator without a backward glance.

-

In his own suite, Jongin left the tap of hot water on to fill up the bathtub and then got into the shower to wash his hair properly. He hadn’t even finished washing the shampoo suds out of his hair before he heard someone barge into his suite. Jongin had a good idea of who it might be. A few seconds later, and there was Sehun knocking on the bathroom door loudly.

“Tell me it’s you in there, Jongin.”

“Room service,” Jongin called back, snarky. He could practically hear Sehun roll his eyes as he stopped banging his fist on the door and the shadow of his feet at the bottom of the door entered his room. Through the walls, Jongin distinctly heard the sound of his TV turning on. Sehun could make himself comfortable outside for all Jongin cared. No one was going to stop him from getting into the hot tub waiting for him.

Sehun was flipping through TV channels in Jongin’s suite, bored and impatient, when he realized that the showerhead had already been turned off for the last ten minutes, and Jongin still wasn’t out. He got up from the bed and knocked on the bathroom door to check on Jongin.

“Oi, you done washing your hair yet?”

No reply.

 _Was he poisoned or something?_ Sehun thought. Maybe Jongin was dead inside the shower. He could already imagine the piles of paperwork he’d have to go through… Trying the doorknob, Sehun found it unlocked and flung it open, expecting to see Jongin’s cold, dead body on the bathroom floor.

Fortunately, Jongin was alive and well from what Sehun could see. There was water all over the ground in large puddles but Jongin was in the freestanding bathtub in the center of the modern and tasteful bathroom, eyes closed as he soaked in a pile of foamy bubbles. Obviously, Jongin had been too busy making bubbles to ease poor Sehun’s nerves.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Sehun deadpanned.

“Taking a soak, what else does it look like?” Jongin replied, sticking a leg over the edge of the tub. He flicked a lazy eye open to look at Sehun leaning against the door.

“Do you know how much paperwork I have to go through if you were kidnapped, Jongin?” he asked flatly.

“Let me guess. A lot?” Jongin said, smiling.

“You guessed correctly. Please be more careful the next time you try to sleep with someone,” Sehun muttered dryly under his breath.

“I wasn’t trying to sleep with Kyungsoo,” Jongin protested, “all I wanted to do was crash by the time I was done with last night’s party.” Sehun lifted an eyebrow at him. “Kyungsoo? What were you doing with Kyungsoo? He wasn’t supposed to be at the party last night either.”

Jongin cocked his head to one side. “You know who Kyungsoo is?”

“Yeah, do you?” Sehun shot back at him. Jongin blinked. “Kyungsoo is the name of my stalker. How do you know his name already when I haven’t even told you?” Jongin asked slowly. Was Sehun actually Jesus Christ in disguise, an all knowing being in human form?

Sehun gave him a strangled, eyebrow twitching look. “Your stalker? You mean you were in Kyungsoo’s room a minute ago?”

“Yeah, but I thought you knew that already,” Jongin said.

Sehun exhaled with a loud hiss, arms moving to hold a hand to his forehead and another to the door behind him. “Kyungsoo is your stalker? Kyungsoo? The Kyungsoo working in your building making copies every day?”

“He makes copies? Explains a lot,” Jongin replied, readjusting his position in the bathtub. Sehun looked like he was going to faint, and Jongin wasn’t about to get out of the tub anytime soon.

“He’s a nine to five kind of guy. Doesn’t do much in the office, just mundane little things,” Sehun said to Jongin, walking over to the sink to splash his face with some water.

“You mean he doesn’t do much beside take lots of photos of me,” Jongin said, picking up a small part of foam and plopping it on his head. Sehun snatched a hand towel up to wipe his paler-than-pale face, taking deep breaths.

“He takes lots of photos of you?” Sehun repeated.

“I think you’re overreacting to the identity and activities of my stalker, Sehun, stop breathing like a horse,” Jongin said lightly, picking up some more foam to put on his head. He hoped he could achieve a foam Marie Antoinette wig in time for Sehun to snap a photo to put up online.

“He doesn’t look like the kind of guy to stalk anything, Jongin, don’t you think so?” Sehun asked.

“I don’t know how stalkers are supposed to look like. But he was kind of cute, I guess, in an adolescent kind of way,” Jongin commented.

“So there was a camera in his room?” Sehun asked. Jongin nodded as best as he could without jiggling his foamy wig too much.

“He’s Baekhyun’s friend. They eat lunch together sometimes in the cafeteria, and they’re both into photography. Guess he was into it because of you,” Sehun said.

“Oh, so that’s how you know him. I plan on interrogating him when we get back to Korea. What say you?” Jongin asked, holding the foam on his head in place. Sehun frowned at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“It is very rude of you to ask me that twice in less than five minutes. Do you have your phone, Sehunnie, I need you to take a photo of my Marie Antoinette look,” Jongin said, picking up some more foam to dab near his ears. Sehun snorted at him.

“I’m not going to take a photo of you in the bathtub, people will think I’m dating you. And I say, get Kyungsoo to bring his camera and everything he has of you to your office when you interrogate him. I’ll be there too. We can’t have him spreading these photos or anything else he might have on you,” Sehun said irritably.

“Are you jealous?” Jongin asked incredulously.

“No, stop being ridiculous,” Sehun said, whipping a hand through Jongin’s foamy wig and destroying it into foamy bits. Jongin cried out inarticulately, trying to hold what was left of his wig in place without much success.

“That was just an honest question, how could you do this to me!” Jongin said indignantly. If he wasn’t completely naked under all the foam he would’ve reached out to strangle Sehun. He settled for splashing soapy water at him, and smirked when Sehun yelped and skipped awkwardly out of the way.

“Get out, and don’t come back in unless you can offer me food!” Jongin shouted, scooping up more water and flinging it at Sehun. He grabbed a towel before he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Jongin to soak in his tub once more in peace.

Even though it was silent after that in the bathroom, Jongin’s thoughts were filled with Kyungsoo like white noise in his head. There was just… something about the way he was nervous around Jongin that intrigued him. He’d never had anyone react that way to his presence, ever. People either knew him, or they didn’t, it was that simple. Jongin had never stopped to think what it would be like for someone to be there in almost every day of his life since who knows when and not know him at all. Was that why Kyungsoo was nervous, or was it really just embarrassment from being caught with his hand in the cookie jar?

-

It was two days later when Jongin finally touched down in Korea. Chanyeol had bought an obscene amount of clothes and arranged to have them all shipped to Korea, the deal with Mr. Fitzgerald was signed and done with, and Jongin had yet to cross paths with Kyungsoo.

He had thought that he would bump into Kyungsoo sometime during their stay in London, but surprisingly, Jongin saw no long lens camera lurking about when he left the Hilton for dinner with Mr. Fitzgerald or when he was hanging around the hotel lobby before they left for the airport.

Now, Jongin couldn’t even tell if Kyungsoo was somewhere among the crowd. Someone must’ve tipped the local photographers off, because they were swarming Jongin and his staff with flashing cameras, probing questions about their trip to London thrown around. Sehun brushed all of them away when they came too close (there were no bodyguards because they didn’t expect to make a scene) and gave them curt, clipped answers when photographers insisted on having their questions answered.   

“What were you doing with Mr. Fitzgerald of S & S?”

“Have you signed a deal with him?”

“No comment until a public announcement is made,” Sehun said to all of them. Some of the photographers who recognized Chanyeol as a fashionista (or fashion terrorist) asked him questions too. Sehun didn’t bother to deal with _those_ photographers. Chanyeol loved answering their questions. Jongin just walked and walked until they finally reached their waiting car outside the airport and got in.

“Well, that was exhilarating,” Jongin whistled when they were all squeezed into the company limo. They were tired but since they were still on London time, most of them were just stiff from sitting down too long and talked amongst themselves.

“I think I just accepted an offer to feature in Vogue,” Chanyeol said, adjusting the piece of fabric hanging from the back of his pants as he tried to sit down. Suho frowned at him.

“Why do your pants look like there’s half a skirt attached to it?”

“It’s fah-shion, dah-ling,” Chanyeol replied haughtily.

“I didn’t see Kyungsoo with us just now,” Jongin said quietly to Sehun. They had all heard about Kyungsoo through Sehun now, and surprisingly, even Suho knew him. Baekhyun said he knew nothing about Kyungsoo’s obsession; they weren’t _that_ close, apparently.

“He’s not flying first class, Jongin, he came back yesterday,” Sehun replied easily, digging out his iPad to start it up and check through his e-mails, or whatever it was he was always doing. The car jolted, beginning to move out of the parking lot of the airport.  

Jongin was surprised. “Really? Didn’t he come with the other group of staff?” A small group of staff had come on a short holiday with them to London as well as to iron out any minor details with Yifan and Mr. Fitzgerald’s people.

“Nope, he came back yesterday with another group. There’s a lot more staff than you might think came with us, Jongin,” Sehun said dryly, “we’re going to have to make this deal work with Mr. Fitzgerald if we’re going to compensate for all these costs.”

“I’m sure you’ll do well,” Jongin replied mildly. This was Sehun and Suho they were talking about. They did their jobs better than Jongin ever would.

“So he’s at the office now?” Jongin asked. It was a Monday, and they had reached Korea at two p.m. Sehun thought about it and nodded. “He should be there. Unless he’s too scared of what you might do and he’s already ran away.”

Jongin hoped Kyungsoo didn’t bail on Jongin. He wanted more answers to all of his questions. There were a lot of things unsaid, and Jongin didn’t want to let Kyungsoo off the hook just like that without satiating his curiosity first.

 “Shall we head to the office, guys?” Jongin said. Everyone stopped chattering around him and turned to gape at him.

“He did not just say what I thought he did,” Suho said.

“I think he did,” Chanyeol murmured, taking off his sunglasses to stare at Jongin some more. Jongin frowned at them. “I’m merely suggesting that we should earn more money. Nothing wrong with that,” he huffed. The limo was rather warm, so he shrugged off his tweed jacket. Jongin had thought that he would try a hand at airport fashion, but wearing a jacket made for autumn when it was nearly the end of spring was like a sick joke.

“Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn money. There is however, something worth gaping at when Kim Jongin says he wants to go to the office just to see some office boy,” Sehun said flatly beside him.

“I never said that,” Jongin protested.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol smiled in amusement. “So you want to check Kyungsoo out, hm?” Chanyeol grinned. Jongin pursed his lips in distaste.

“If you were in my position wouldn’t you want to know more about him?” Jongin asked huffily.

“If I were in your position I would buy more clothes, not worry about what my stalker thinks of me,” Chanyeol replied breezily, running a hand across his new Hermes sunglasses. He showed it to Baekhyun. “Guess how much this was.”

Jongin wondered if he _was_ being a bit too obsessive himself over Kyungsoo. But he wasn’t now, was he? It was well within his right as future CEO of Accuretta Systems to call Do Kyungsoo (he’d learned his full name from Baekhyun) up to his office and question his hobbies even though they might and might not be during office hours… surely?

Then he decided not to sweat it. He’d just call Kyungsoo up to his office this one time, and that’d be the end of it. He’d never have to face him again, and Kyungsoo chose to keep up with his habits, then so be it. Jongin wasn’t the sort who liked to dictate to others.

*

When Suho, Baekhyun, Sehun and Jongin were squeezed into Jongin’s private elevator, Jongin began to feel nervous. It wasn’t because his three friends were practically chest to chest with one another and they were like four sardines in a can made for two sardines, but it had something to do with Kyungsoo, he was sure of it.

 _Do I really want to find out more about this?_ He thought.

Of course he wanted to. But how would it affect Kyungsoo? Was this imminent interrogation a form of bullying as well? He didn’t know.

The elevator jolted at the twentieth floor, and the four of them spilled out, inhaling as if they were on Mount Everest, breathing a different, thinner kind of air. “Who told all of you to come into my elevator?” Jongin asked offhandedly, swinging his jacket over his shoulder.

Baekhyun looked sheepish while Suho and Sehun were unaffected. Jongin’s second PA suddenly popped out of nowhere and offered to take their coats. Jongin flung his coat into his arms and demanded coffee. Then he thought about it and changed his order to coffee for two. The boy scurried off at once, eager and willing.

“Who is going to get Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked Sehun. He ignored Jongin, heading into the office and placing his iPad on his desk. He turned his computer on, clearing his throat calmly as he sat down and began leafing through papers.

“Hello?” Jongin called obnoxiously. Sehun looked up.

“You, of course. I’m not going to get him for you. Last time I checked, I’m not your Saint Bernard.”

Suho and Baekhyun lingered behind Jongin, waiting expectantly for him to make a decision. “Where is his desk?” Jongin asked Baekhyun stiffly, unbuttoning the cuffs of his long sleeve shirt.

“Over there. And it’s a cubicle,” Baekhyun informed, pointing past the elevator where another office was located. “He’s in cubicle 33, I think.”

“Good luck,” Suho said wryly, patting a hand on his shoulder. Jongin scowled at the both of them as they buggered off to do something more beneficial than snigger at him. Jongin walked towards the office in a somewhat irritated and anxious mood, absently making his way to the other side of the building.

When he pushed the glass door open, Jongin was genuinely surprised by the sheer size of the office. It made him realize that he’d never explored much of the office beyond his own office space, the meeting room, cafeteria and men’s room. In fact, it was downright discerning to see so many cubicles like a maze stretching out from left to right. Some of the cubicles were empty, but there were still a lot of people in the office.

He looked around, trying to figure out where cubicle 33 would be. There was no numbering system as far as he could tell, which wasn’t very helpful. He walked towards the left first, hoping to see Kyungsoo without having to try very hard to look for him.

“Er, Mr. Kim?”

Jongin turned around at the sound of his name. A pretty mid twenties office girl looked up at him in curiosity. “Are you looking for someone, sir?” she asked hesitantly. _Aha_ , Jongin thought. Someone to help him with his task.  

“Uh, yeah, his name is Kyungsoo,” Jongin ventured. Recognition lit up her eyes through her chocolate brown contact lenses, and she smiled, happy to be of help. “His desk is in that direction,” she said helpfully, pointing in the opposite direction Jongin was headed to. “His cubicle faces this side,” she added, waving vaguely to the view of Seoul.

“Oh. Thank you then,” he said, sending her one of his most charming smiles. She practically melted in front of him as he walked past her and began to look over the dividers of the cubicles.

Jongin thought he saw a cubicle labeled sixty, and then another one labeled fifty five in small, discreet numbers, so he walked deeper into the office until the carpet floors and stacks of files and papers muted all sounds, including hushed conversations and the click of fingers on a keyboard.  

When he was about to approach the right end of the building, he finally saw a cubicle labeled thirty five _. He’s got to be somewhere here then_ , he thought, glancing around. There weren’t much people towards this end of the office, so one really bothered with Jongin’s presence. Sending another cautious glance to his surroundings, Jongin slowly entered the cubicle area and tried to see which desk was Kyungsoo’s. It couldn’t be that hard surely, to find the desk of someone who liked photography.

It’d be boring, clean, with no pictures of family or stickers of cute cartoon characters but pictures of landscapes maybe, and—

He stopped at a desk that fit his description. It was exactly as he pictured, and facing the left side of the building as well, except instead of pictures of landscapes there was only one picture of someone.

Jongin looked closer; oh, it was definitely Kyungsoo’s desk. There was a small picture frame made of porcelain, half hidden in the shadow of a computer screen, only big enough to fit a passport size photo of Jongin looking over the camera into the distance. It was a black and white photo, grainy even. It totally fit Jongin’s idea of Kyungsoo’s aesthetic.

Something dropped behind him. Jongin turned to see if he had bumped into something by accident when he bent over, but instead he saw a large stack of messy papers at his feet and a pair of legs that were not his own (unless there was a mirror which somehow distorted his fabulous leather shoes into worn sneakers, but that’s, of course, impossible).

His gaze travelled up those legs, caught sight of a pair of worn slacks, a long sleeved shirt with pinstripes and finally, Kyungsoo’s scared and pale face, eyes almost too large for his frail overall look. He looked like a deer caught in the glare of Jongin’s headlights, frozen in panic in that instant.

“What… Why are you here?” Kyungsoo half whispered, his voice almost gone.

“I told you I’d see you again in Korea. And we are in Korea now, so…” Jongin trailed off. Kyungsoo bent down to pick up his papers, clearing his throat.

“I… didn’t think you meant it,” Kyungsoo said softly, straightening the papers before setting them on his table.

“I don’t make promises I don’t keep. Can I have a word with you in my office?” Jongin asked, unconsciously running a hand through his hair. Kyungsoo didn’t look very busy, but then Jongin didn’t know how normal people usually looked like if they were busy. Sehun’s version of busy was surly and rude (only to Jongin though), while Suho was clipped and professional. Neither of them were normal by any standards, in Jongin’s opinion.

Kyungsoo wiped his hands nervously on his slacks, looking at the picture of Jongin on his desk like he wanted to burn it with hellfire. “Um, sure I guess.”

“Good. And by the way, do you have your camera with you?” Jongin asked, remembering what Sehun had said. Kyungsoo froze for a moment, and then nodded slowly like he was reluctant to give away that particular piece of information.

“Bring it,” Jongin said, making his way out of Kyungsoo’s space to let him take his bag out from under his desk. Jongin waited while Kyungsoo dug around a bit, dark head of hair bobbing about above the desk as he moved.

 _Wonder what it feels like to touch his hair_ , Jongin thought, running a finger over his chin thoughtfully.

Would it be soft or slightly rough? It looked silken under the lights, jet black and falling in soft waves, a stark contrast against Kyungsoo’s almost white skin.

Jongin snapped out of it when Kyungsoo stood up once more and cradled his camera like a precious toy in his hands. Jongin turned and began to walk towards the exit, frowning to himself as he led the way.

 _What the fuck was that?_ he asked himself. His thoughts had taken a strange direction a few seconds ago. Weird. The people who were in Kyungsoo’s office stared openly at them, wondering if Kyungsoo was in trouble with Jongin.  

Suho and Baekhyun were standing by the elevator, obviously waiting for Kyungsoo’s appearance. They cleared their throats and pretended to talk about work when they saw Jongin and Kyungsoo emerge from the other side of the building, Baekhyun opening up a file and gesturing towards it like he was presenting it to Suho. Jongin could see right through the act and sent them a condescending look, hoping they would feel judgment from his gaze, if not see it.

“Afternoon,” Sehun said politely to Kyungsoo, although he didn’t look up from his desk. Jongin almost wanted to bop Sehun over the head with his hand, but then Sehun might karate chop him instead so Jongin settled for a loud sigh, gesturing at Kyungsoo to enter the office first.

“Will you stop acting like he’s a criminal?” Jongin said in a low voice when the automatic door slid shut.

“I won’t until he’s proven otherwise,” Sehun said, standing up and picking up a small voice recorder on his desk. He pressed a button on it, a red light flashed, and then placed it into Jongin’s shirt pocket. “I’m not going in there because it’s going to seem weird so. Have at him,” Sehun said. He gave Jongin an encouraging look, and sat down again.

 _Why are all of my friends acting weird?_ Jongin thought to himself. And his coffee better be on his desk, he was craving caffeine at this point. 

Upon entering his office, Jongin saw that Kyungsoo was seated in front of his desk, looking at the view of Seoul with his mouth slightly agape in awe. Jongin saw steam rising from a mug of hot coffee from where he stood and sent a silent thank you up to the heavens. This was going to be the weirdest conversation he’d ever have.

“Like the view?” he said, deciding to start off with something casual.

Kyungsoo jerked like he’d been pulled rudely out of his dreamy thoughts and blinked, looking up at Jongin as he made his way behind his desk and pulled up his seat. “Um, it—it’s worth photographing, I suppose,” Kyungsoo replied. He looked and sounded afraid, perhaps because it was Jongin’s space now, completely and utterly foreign to him. Only a handful of people were allowed access into this room, after all.

 _He must think this is like paying a visit to the principal’s office_ , Jongin thought, amused. He sat down, picking up his mug of coffee and tasting it. He almost spat it back into the mug; it was far too bitter and vile. Clearly, Kyungsoo did better at making Jongin his coffee than his PA did. The nerve to serve him full fat milk…

“And you find me worth photographing as well, yes?” Jongin asked, leaning back into his seat. He gestured to the second cup of coffee with a flick of the wrist. “That’s for you.”

“I don’t take coffee,” Kyungsoo muttered, face going red at Jongin’s question. Jongin lifted an eyebrow, keeping a straight face. Well, this was novel. His stalker didn’t take coffee. Jongin pushed his mug away subtly then laced his fingers together, placing it over his diaphragm.

“I’m still waiting for an answer,” Jongin said. He didn’t know why he was teasing Kyungsoo like this, maybe it was the way Kyungsoo got all flustered yet held himself back like it somehow… _wrong_ to feel flustered. But Jongin didn’t take back his question, and Kyungsoo’s face didn’t look any less embarrassed than when Jongin recognized him in the Hilton.

Finally, Kyungsoo gave him an answer. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Neither did Jongin. “A yes or no would suffice?” Jongin said, cocking his head to one side. “And well, if you can’t answer that, then there are plenty of other questions I’d like answered. I’ll start slow, alright? When did you start… taking photos of me?” Jongin finished. He was skirting the point, but Kyungsoo understood well enough.

Kyungsoo exhaled visibly like he’d been weighed down with a ton of bricks, looking down at the camera in his hands.

“Three years ago.”

Jongin nodded, counting back the years. He was surprised Kyungsoo gave him a straight answer. He’d half expected him to break down and cry. “And can I ask you for your age?” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo blinked, not expecting that question. “28 this year. Why?”

Jongin was noncommittal, waving both his hands vaguely. “Out of curiosity. You do realize you’re older than me by a year?” Jongin said. Kyungsoo looked away like he was guilty of a crime, the tips of his ear burning red. He looked younger than his age. If he’d never said anything, Jongin would’ve assumed he was 21 or 23 at the most. _It was the way he put himself out there,_ Jongin thought. Only a young, naïve, inexperienced adolescent would think of snapping photos of Jongin in broad daylight.

“You know what, that was rude. I take it back. It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how old I am. But what does matter to this company and my PA because he’s an anxious freak, is what you do to those photos you have of me on your camera.”

Kyungsoo looked down at the camera in his hands again like he was seeing it for the first time. “I don’t… do anything though? I don’t spread them online or anything like that if that’s what you mean,” he replied, looking up at Jongin. He looked sincere enough.

Jongin took his word for it. “Good. It’d be a big problem for both you and I if you did. Now, this question might be personal, but I feel like I have every right to an answer, considering that you have what? Hundreds of pictures of me? I _could_ have you arrested for invading my privacy,” Jongin said softly, calmly, the threat in his voice clear as a bell.

“But I don’t want to do that. It sounds like too much work, honestly, and I think you’ve got better things to do than wait in jail for mom or dad to bail you out,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo’s shoulders had tensed, but he relaxed slightly when Jongin said that.

“Right then. Are you gay?” Jongin asked flat out. “Anyone special in your life, maybe?” Jongin asked, trying to soften the blow. There was every chance that he wasn’t gay after all, although Jongin highly doubted it.

Kyungsoo looked like he was on the verge of tears, hands squeezing around the camera in his hands. Jongin knew that question hit a nerve, but he had to say it. Kyungsoo was probably expecting it as well; what kind of normal person wouldn’t ask this question?

His lips trembled as he spoke. “What does it matter to you whether or not I’m gay?”

 _Taking a stand_ , Jongin noted. He might have had to take this sort of crap in high school perhaps, but still, this was Accuretta Systems, Jongin’s office and Jongin’s question. There would be no way around the question.

“I don’t think I have to answer that question, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, voice hard.

Kyungsoo looked up at him then, eyes red rimmed and filled with unshed tears. “Then I don’t have to answer your question either.” Jongin met his gaze, waited patiently.

“I don’t have to take this shit from you,” Kyungsoo said slowly. “If you want to take away my camera, every single photo I have of you, take it.” His voice was shaky, but he went on, “But I know I don’t have to answer your fucking questions if you’re going to be a jerk like this.”

Jongin was surprised, but rather proud, almost happy that Kyungsoo was holding firm. It wouldn’t be any fun if he’d be easy to run over.

“I thought you knew what kind of _jerk_ I was if you’ve been following me for the past three years,” Jongin said, smiling just a little bit. If the photo of him at his desk was any indication, Kyungsoo probably had a crush on him, gay or straight.

Kyungsoo placed the camera on Jongin’s desk gently, tears falling as his lips, cheeks and ears flamed red. “I know. I just never thought I’d be on the receiving end,” he answered, wiping his tears away angrily.

“What do you want to do with me?” he asked, sniffling. Jongin thought about it. What _was_ he going to do with Kyungsoo? He was a loose end; Jongin couldn’t leave him hanging, wasn’t going to leave things like this. He needed to do something, and he thought it would be clear once this conversation was over but Jongin was decidedly… undecided. He stared at Kyungsoo’s red face, the tracks of tears and his trembling hands, the unspoken fear in his wavering gaze. 

Jongin sat up and pushed the camera towards Kyungsoo.

He watched his own camera slide towards him until it was right in front of him. Jongin leaned back again, waiting to see what Kyungsoo would do.

Kyungsoo stared dumbly at his camera. “Why aren’t you taking this away?” he asked.

“I can’t decide what to do with you, Kyungsoo, I’m being honest here. Since it’d be unfair for me to deprive you of your… _hobby_ while I take my time to decide, I think you should just keep the camera until I think of something appropriate to do with you.”

Kyungsoo looked up at him questioningly. Jongin could read the question in his eyes, he never had to say anything. _Why?_

 Jongin didn’t have an answer.

Kyungsoo bit his lip, picking up his camera again and holding onto it like it was the Holy Grail. “Can I ask you a question?” he said.

Jongin waved grandly at him. “I’m all ears.”

“Do you think this is a game?”

Jongin lifted an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. “Is it? I think your hobby is fascinating, Kyungsoo, and I really see no reason why I should stop you from continuing to indulge in this hobby.”

“I don’t call it a hobby,” Kyungsoo said, looking away like he was disappointed. _In himself or in my answer?_

“Oh? Pray tell, what do you call it then?”

Kyungsoo turned and walked away. The conversation was over now. Jongin bit his knuckle, watching Kyungsoo make his way to the sliding door. _Oh, this is going to be fun._ Jongin couldn’t remember the last time he felt so exhilarated, high from almost nothing except a sip of foul coffee.

Kyungsoo stopped suddenly, looking over his shoulder like he didn’t expect himself to stop. “I call it a bad habit.”

*

“Whoa,” Suho breathed, nursing his third dirty martini. Jongin and Suho were leaned over a bar, speaking in hushed voices as they sat in the farthest corner away from everyone else.

“Then what did you say?” Suho asked, sounding awed.

“Nothing, of course. I let him have the last word,” Jongin said, Suho’s figure blurring a bit as he struggled to focus his gaze on him. He’d been throwing back far too many shots, that was for sure. They had been here since six, and it was dark outside now. How many drinks they had drunk in that period of time, Jongin wasn’t very sure. He lost count after the seventh shot.

“You okay?” Suho asked, sounding worried for a second. Jongin blinked rapidly to clear his vision, then nodded. “I’m fine.” He didn’t want to admit it, but Kyungsoo had left an impression on Jongin, an impression deeper than he’d ever let on.

“Can’t believe Kyungsoo called you a bad habit,” Suho said, looking at his martini and then sipping at it, shaking his head. Jongin laughed throatily, waving at the bartender for another round.

“I know right? Callin’ me a bad habit? I fucking invented bad habits,” Jongin slurred, gesturing at himself. The top button of his shirt was undone, his hair was a mess and he couldn’t even keep both eyes open any longer. Suho wasn’t sure he could’ve invented anything in this stage beyond stupid mistakes.

“You’ve had too much to drink, Jongin,” Suho said, sounding like Jongin’s dad when he stayed up late to watch TV when he was younger.

“I’ll stop when I can’t walk a straight line,” Jongin promised, giving him the okay sign with his fingers. The bartender came over to refill Jongin’s glass, eyeing him worriedly when he laid his head down on the bar. Suho nodded at the bartender, silently promising him that he’d take Jongin home. Suho was slightly drunk, but not enough to have trouble getting them both home safely. He also wasn’t drunk enough to tell Jongin that he had heard all of this already from Sehun through the voice recorder, but Jongin seemed like he really needed a drink.

“The thing is, Suho,” Jongin said, sounding wistful, “I can’t tell if obsession is like, a sin. Didn’t God ever put down in stone somewhere like, ‘you ain’t allowed to get thirsty over nobody, especially if he’s a dude and… you’re also a dude’?” Jongin stared into the air blankly.

Suho thought about it. He couldn’t remember which Book it was from in the Bible, but Suho was fairly sure there was a commandment like that from his Sunday classes at church when he was ten years old. “Yeah, there is. Ninth commandment, I think,” Suho said. Jongin hummed in his throat, sitting up to slurp at his shot like it was a cup of hot milk.

“You’re such a church guy, Suho, a really, really good guy. You work for me when I’m supposed to be working for you, you clean up my shit and get all my work done _all_ the time… Why didn’t Kyungsoo ever like, think to obsess over you rather than me?” Jongin said. It was something he’d always wondered in the back of his mind.

“Well, I can’t answer that since I’m not Kyungsoo.”

Jongin went on as if Suho hadn’t spoken a word, “I mean I’m nothing, man, like I haven’t done anything productive in my life except bang a couple girls when they’re still cherry. I’m like, I’m like—like that guy in the Bible, you know the guy in the Bible? The one betrays Jesus and kisses him or something like that—”

“Judas?” Suho supplied, frowning.

“Yeah, that’s the guy,” Jongin said, leaning forward once more and pointing a finger at Suho. “I’m like Judas and you’re like Jesus, and between us, who would you pick, Suho? Like, if we were both worth obsessing over, who would you pick?” Jongin asked drowsily.

Suho knew the answer Jongin wanted and pretended to mull over it half heartedly. “Um, me?”

“Yeah, see?! No one wants me, Suho, I’m just trash really, I haven’t done anything productive except—”

“Bang a couple girls?”

“No. Well, that and I bought some really nice clothes for summer. I’ll show you when I get home later.”

“That’s not necessary, Jongin,” Suho laughed easily, finishing his dirty martini in one shot. He knew there was something wrong when Jongin said he wanted to go out for a late drink and tell him about what happened when he talked to Kyungsoo, but he didn’t think it was really _about_ Kyungsoo.

It seemed to be more about Jongin’s strange insecurities that emerged only when he was drunk and talking to someone one-on-one. Sehun and Chanyeol had been through this with Jongin before; he was always moaning about how he was the only one among his siblings who had yet to do something with his life and _ooh, I’m 27 going on thirty and I still haven’t got the hang of dad’s company._ All of them tried to comfort him, but it always went away when he was sober. It was one of those things he just never talked about to anyone, so they always just left it alone but this time with Kyungsoo thrown into the mix his insecurities seemed more real than ever.

“No, Suho, I wanna show you everything and tell me if it looks good on me. Then I’ll get Kyungsoo to photograph me in all of the clothes and I’ll be Chanyeol’s feature in _his_ feature in Vogue next month,” Jongin said, sounding bitchy and whiny and insistent.

“Okay, okay, show me then. Shall we go home so you can show me your clothes?” Suho said, lifting Jongin up from his seat.

“You’re such a good friend, Suho. I feel—I think—I need—” Jongin blubbered incoherently, talking more to himself than to Suho.

Suho dropped two hundred dollars on the bar, not waiting for the change and heaved Jongin off the stool, draping his arm over his shoulder.

It was unlike Jongin to ever talk about someone else even when he was drunk, and Suho thought it’d be interesting to see where Jongin and Kyungsoo might end up.

Maybe it was the late night, or the alcohol in both of their veins or the way the city lights flashed past the car windows when they finally collapsed into the back seat of Jongin’s Rolls Royce, but Suho knew, just knew, that Kyungsoo wasn’t just anyone to Jongin. He had to be, even if Jongin didn’t know it otherwise Suho wouldn’t be there, thinking about it while Jongin was passed out drunk beside him on the car seat.

-

Somewhere between the bar and stumbling into his own apartment, Jongin lost consciousness. The next thing he knew, he was heaving the contents of his stomach into his toilet bowl, retching and gagging while he struggled to keep his eyes open. There was someone else with him too, tripping and cursing over things in his room outside the bathroom. Jongin was sort of glad he wasn’t the only one feeling a bit too drunk.                                                                                                                                                                              

“Jongin, are you okay?” Suho called.

“Yeah,” Jongin croaked hoarsely, leaning on his left arm as his legs stretched out towards his right. He felt like a helpless mermaid on land; he couldn’t seem to get his legs working and Suho wasn’t coming in to help him either…

He flushed his puke down the drain and then began to pull himself out of the bathroom like a physically disabled person, dragging his entire body out in search of his bed. Or another drink maybe, just to get the taste of bile out of his mouth.

“Whoa, Jongin, don’t drag yourself on the ground like that,” Suho’s feet suddenly stepped before Jongin.

“Oh, now you wanna help?” Jongin snapped, reaching up both hands. Suho lifted him up and clutched his underarms with both hands, groaning as he shuffled towards Jongin’s bed.

As Suho flung him on the bed, Jongin’s head hit something hard as his body dropped like a rock onto the mattress. “Ow, did you hit something?” Suho winced, having heard an audible thwack when Jongin went down. Jongin’s hissed loudly and touched the right side of his forehead tenderly. There wasn’t any blood, but it felt like a fucking concussion if he ever knew one.

Suho searched the bed blindly since he didn’t know where the light switch was (and neither did Jongin because he was too out of it to remember) and felt for anything hard. His fingers closed around what felt like a remote control, and he placed it on Jongin’s dresser carefully.

“What d’you think Kyungsoo is doing now?” Jongin said quietly, putting a finger to his lips.

“Sleeping?” Suho guessed. He pulled the covers from under Jongin and set it over him, covering him up to the shoulders.

“Just go to sleep, Jongin, and you’ll forget all about Kyungsoo soon enough.”

“He’s like, a mystery, Suho, I can’t just put him out of my mind,” Jongin muttered, hugging a pillow to himself. He was already feeling cozy in his own warm bed and drifting off to sleep as Suho spoke.

“You’re in no position to be solving mysteries now anyway, Jongin. Good night and I’ll see you in the morning.” He patted Jongin on the head. Jongin whispered ‘good night’ to him, and then he was gone, darkness his only companion.

 

 

 


	3. blame it on the night

Jongin woke up feeling like shit at eleven in the morning at his own apartment.

He felt drowsy, nauseous and cranky all at once, which didn’t go very well together. The sun was too bright through the glass walls and thin translucent curtains, pain slicing through his head when he tried to open his eyes.

Jongin turned in his bed and fell to the ground in a pile with his blankets around him. Luckily for him, his bed frame wasn’t very far off from the ground so he fell with a muted thump, nothing more.

“I. Need. Help,” he said to himself, throwing the blankets over his head and then crawling into the general direction of the bathroom.

 _What happened last night?_ Jongin asked himself.

He remembered talking to Suho about the conversation he’d had with Kyungsoo, but the rest was a blur. He hoped he didn’t say anything to offend Suho; if he did, it would explain the bruise on his temple that throbbed in time with his heartbeat…

A door opened somewhere. Probably the cleaning lady coming in to clean up whatever mess he’d made during the night. Jongin continued to crawl blindly on all fours as footsteps rang out in the room. Then suddenly the blanket over him was thrown away, and Jongin curled up into a ball and hissed like a vampire in the sun.

“I can’t see! I’m blind, I tell you, blind!” Jongin screamed theatrically, keeping his eyes closed. What kind of demonic cleaning lady would do this to him? Someone—the demon who exposed him to the sun— sighed at him, keys jangling loudly.

“I don’t care if you’re blind, deaf or mute, Jongin. Get your shit together because you have a meeting with Yifan in two hours,” Sehun said, nudging Jongin in the ribs with a shoe. “I could’ve been sleeping during those two hours,” Jongin whined, cracking open an eye. _Of course_ it was Sehun. The only person who actually abused his key to Jongin’s apartment.

In the corner of Jongin’s eye, he saw that the cleaning lady was in the room with them; she was lowering the blinds over the glass walls of Jongin’s room with a remote control as Sehun stared down at him with an irritated look.

“Good morning, sire. Hope you had a fun time last night,” she said dutifully.

“Morning,” Jongin grumbled back, covering his eyes with both hands.

“I don’t wanna go,” Jongin said petulantly, lying limp on the ground once the room was shrouded in darkness.

“You don’t have a choice in this,” Sehun said flatly. He shoved his keys into his pocket and reached down to pull Jongin up despite his throbbing head, weak stomach and numb legs. Jongin leaned on Sehun heavily as he grunted to carry Jongin’s full weight and began to struggle towards Jongin’s bathroom.

“This is what you get, you know, for barging into my apartment when I have a hangover,” Jongin said balefully, pouting at Sehun.

“Suho told me to get you because this is important. Look, you don’t have to be very sober for this meeting, alright, just be there, I don’t care if you wear your sunglasses the whole time as long as you pretend to listen to what the lawyers have to say and just. _Be there_ ,” Sehun bit out, kicking the door open and flinging Jongin into the bathroom to wake him up.

If Jongin hadn’t regained his footing in time, he would’ve cracked his skull open on the edge of the bathtub. But he was rather sure footed despite the weak feeling invading his body, and tripped to his feet, earning an amused smirk from Sehun. Ooh, his PA was evil personified.

Sehun closed the door to give Jongin privacy, but warned him to hurry up or “You’ll never look in the mirror and like what you see ever again.” Sehun was such a ray of sunshine in the bleak, cold reality of Jongin’s world. Really.

Jongin began to remove his clothes, stopping to gag and puke into the toilet bowl when his stomach tightened in his abdomen. He distractedly noted that all of his clothes were still on him, down to his shoes. That meant he never lost anything in the night, but a hassle now that he had to take off everything while his head throbbed like a vibrating gong.

Jongin got in the shower first after his clothes were off, his head too fuzzy to remember how to brush his teeth yet. Warm water cascaded over him as he tried to go over last night’s events; Suho was there, and he was talking about Kyungsoo, Jesus must’ve come up at one point… Did Suho take him home in the end? He must have; Jongin could suddenly vaguely remember sleeping on the leather seat of his Rolls Royce. He’d have to thank Suho later for helping him into his apartment, bruised or otherwise.

 _Hmm. Kyungsoo_ , Jongin thought.

Like a plague, he lingered in his mind again once he thought of him. Jongin had spent the entire day yesterday trying to figure out what to do with him and what he really felt about Kyungsoo’s obsession over him.

Was he disgusted, really? Initially, perhaps. But now… Jongin was far too curious about how far he could take this to be revolted by Kyungsoo’s behavior. Maybe stopping by the office would do him good. He could see Kyungsoo again, if he was still there, and maybe try to think about what the consequences of Kyungsoo’s ‘bad habit’ should be.

The warmth in Jongin’s loins though, told him that he wasn’t entirely repulsed by the idea of Kyungsoo always watching him. It was strangely erotic enough to turn Jongin on, the thought of Kyungsoo snapping pictures of him secretly for three years, keeping his obsession a secret. Was it thrilling for him, to have pictures of Jongin in his camera? What did he think of when he looked at those pictures at home, alone?

Maybe it was the last bits of alcohol in his veins making him feel brave about being horny after waking up only five minutes ago, but Jongin tried to ignore his growing, heavy erection while soaping himself up. He couldn’t help his thoughts returning back to Kyungsoo’s eyes, his tears and red face as anger directed at Jongin built up in him…

“Mm,” Jongin bit down on his lower lip as his finger circled the tip of his cock and squeezed, imagining Kyungsoo breathing heavily as he thought of Jongin.

Imagined Kyungsoo sweating as he masturbated perhaps, to the pictures of Jongin in his camera, or on his laptop. It helped to think that maybe Jongin was the object of Kyungsoo’s sexual desires. Pleasure curled low in his body, made him close his eyes as he fisted a hand against the walls of the shower.

It felt so filthy, so dirty and foreign to think of Kyungsoo this way in his shower, alone with water dripping from his hair and body, but it’d been a long time since he thought of anyone while touching himself.

Jongin tried to finish up quickly, pumping his cock multiple times to speed things up. He couldn’t stay in the shower very long, or Sehun would wonder why he was taking so much time to just clean up.

 _What would Kyungsoo’s skin feel like if I touched him?_ Jongin thought, letting his imagination do all the work. It’d be soft like warm silk, maybe, and Kyungsoo would tremble in his arms as Jongin ran a finger down his spine. His lips looked like they’d be soft, yielding to Jongin’s demands. Just the thought of the taste of his lips had Jongin’s erection twitching and dripping in his hand.

  _Jongin_ , he’d sigh softly, breathy and light. His skin would get rosy as Jongin kissed him hard over the lips and pinch his pink nipples in both hands, making him moan and keen beneath Jongin.

It was all Jongin needed to come all over his hands and the wall in front of him. He pumped his cock a few more times for extra measure, just in case he got horny again in the office. God, it felt good to think about Kyungsoo, dirty and wrong though it may be.

When he washed all evidence of his abrupt desire down the drain, Jongin hurriedly brushed his teeth and washed his face at the same time. With a towel around his waist, he came out of the bathroom to find Sehun lounging by the table and chairs in the corner of Jongin’s room, reading a book from the bookshelf.

“That wasn’t too bad,” Sehun said as Jongin moved towards his closet. He froze for a moment. What did Sehun mean? Did he hear Jongin in the shower? Good God, was he really Jesus in disguise as Satan in a suit?

“You didn’t take long at all. Can you come out to the kitchen in ten minutes?” Sehun said without looking up from the book he was reading. Oh. “S-sure,” Jongin muttered, opening his closet and trying to decide what to wear. _Of course, Sehun didn’t hear me in the shower,_ he thought. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have known what Jongin was thinking of. But it made him blush to think of what Sehun would think if he knew he was touching himself in the shower thanks to Kyungsoo.

“Put on something casual formal. We might go out for lunch with Yifan again,” Sehun said. Jongin nodded, not trusting his voice. Now that he was out of the shower, it felt a little weird to think he was horny for Kyungsoo a minute ago.

“What is this meeting about?” Jongin asked Sehun, putting his clothes on without looking at them carefully.

“You didn’t think opening up a factory in a foreign country would be easy, did you?” Sehun said. Jongin could hear the smile in his voice.

“No, I didn’t,” Jongin answered dutifully.

“Yeah, well, there’s still more contracts to sign, details to compromise on with Yifan and his people… It’s a mess, frankly,” Sehun sighed.

“Did you pull up all the details and things I need to know?” Jongin asked, putting on a pair of dark green slacks he’d never seen before. Probably a gift from Chanyeol when he was in one of his bored-so-I’m-shopping-for-my-friends moods.

“Of course. I came to let you read up on everything before we leave. I got some sushi for you,” Sehun said, standing up when Jongin re-entered the bathroom to dry his hair.

He just put on a white, short sleeve collared shirt on and threw a light, cream sweater around his shoulders, hoping it would pass for formal. The weather wasn’t too cool today for short sleeves, and his stylist wasn’t around today.

Once Jongin’s hair was nice and dry, he devoured a sushi platter for breakfast while sipping at coffee, a weird combination but tasty all the same. Sehun read out some of the papers for him while they ate together. The cleaning lady did her work quietly around them, doing Jongin’s laundry and then cleaning his spacious two bedroom apartment by wiping everything down.

Jongin was hopeless in the kitchen, and so it was almost spotless on most days since the only things he ever used were the coffee machine and his drawers of cutlery.  Sehun watched her work at intervals, eyeing her curiously every so often.

“She’s here almost every time I’m here. Don’t you ever clean your own apartment?” Sehun asked after a while.

“No. Do you?” Jongin asked. Domesticated Sehun was something Jongin would pay good money to see.

“Sometimes I vacuum, yeah. It’s exercise for me,” Sehun shrugged. Jongin gave Sehun a dry look. If there was anyone who needed exercise, it wasn’t Sehun. He was tall but so skinny Jongin sometimes wondered if he was perhaps bulimic.

“Well, I would vacuum too, except that I have a gym membership. Ever thought of that?” Jongin asked sarcastically.

“Paying money just to exercise when you can work out and have the satisfaction of owning a clean house. Rich people,” Sehun grumbled.

*

At Accuretta Systems, Jongin made Sehun ride in a separate elevator. He didn’t want to feel like a sardine again and didn’t want Sehun to have the habit of forcing himself onto Jongin and his elevator. Those precious thirty seconds of riding up to the twentieth floor was Jongin’s and no one else’s.

He was rushed into the meeting room almost right away, having only ten minutes before the rest of the board members came in. Yifan was already there, naturally. Jongin wouldn’t be surprised if Yifan had camped out here just to see Jongin arrive after him. An infuriating small smile played on his lips as they shook hands.

“You had a good time in London, I presume,” Yifan said to Jongin. His stony faced assistant looked like he wanted to strangle Jongin’s neck.

“You presume correctly. Did you have a good time as well? Of course, we have to do that again sometime,” Jongin said. It was an empty invitation, and he hoped Yifan knew that. He wouldn’t go to Bungalow 8 with Yifan again, not for all the beer in the world.

“Oh yes, I did. London is very entertaining,” Yifan smiled wryly. Jongin couldn’t see how London was ‘entertaining’ for him when all Jongin could remember Yifan doing at the club was purse his lips as everyone else partied around him while he held a glass of red wine.

They didn’t say much after that; Jongin kept bugging Sehun by pretending to ask him serious questions when all he was whispering in his ear was, “When are the rest of the fucking board members coming?”

“Just be patient,” Sehun hissed back. Then he would return to his work by furiously tapping on his tablet and it would happen again a minute later.

“We might not have to go to lunch after all,” Sehun whispered in Jongin’s ear when Jongin was considering committing suicide by taking a shortcut down to the ground floor. “Tao just told me Yifan has to take a flight back home after this meeting. If he doesn’t say anything, we don’t have to go.”

“Oh, thank God,” Jongin replied, rubbing a hand over his mouth to cover his ecstatic smile. That was the best news he’d heard so far. It took half an hour for Suho and the rest of the board members to come in the meeting room and start to settle in nicely.

Suho looked good for someone who’d been drinking quite heavily the night before. He came over to see if Jongin was okay, and he obviously wasn’t. Sehun had gotten him his second cup of coffee of the day, but he was still feeling the effects of last night.

“Sorry about throwing you too hard on the bed last night,” Suho said sheepishly, taking a seat beside him.

“Oh, so it was your fault I have a bruise the size of an egg here now?” Jongin asked, pointing at his right temple. It was still tender and sore, he didn’t want to touch it. Luckily, his hair covered it up so if no one looked too closely they wouldn’t notice the bruise at all.

“Well, you were drinking a lot last night. Maybe if I wasn’t forced to help you into your apartment…” Jongin muttered incoherently under his breath. Suho smiled back at him.

“Anyway, you’re here now. I thought you wouldn’t come in for the meeting.”

“Sehun told me you wanted him to get me, don’t pretend to be surprised,” Jongin mumbled. “It’s actually a real surprise that you got out of bed for a meeting, Jongin. I’m proud of you,” Suho said reassuringly, clapping a hand on Jongin’s shoulder.

All Jongin wanted to do was walk out of the meeting room and call Kyungsoo into his office already. Instead, he had to sit through a lengthy talk about a draft and discussing the terms and conditions with Jongdae to make sure what they wanted were perfectly legal and clear. Jongdae and another lawyer from China, Yixing, were typing on their laptops and making notes on the draft in pen as the board members discussed everything over them.  They argued lightly about money here and there, but finally settled on dividing the profits between Accuretta Systems and Yifan’s company, Wu Enterprise and Holdings equally.

In the end, Jongin never had to sign a single thing. All he did was give a bit of input once in a while and drum his fingers on the table impatiently, waiting for the meeting to be over.

“Somewhere you need to be, Jongin?” Yifan suddenly asked when Jongdae finally said, “I think we’re about done here.”

 Jongin stopped fiddling with his pen in his hand and looked up at him. “Not at all, Yifan,” Jongin smiled sweetly at him as the board members stared at them. There were a thousand places Jongin would rather be.

“I sense you were somewhat disconnected throughout the meeting. Rest assured, Jongin, this will all be executed just fine,” Yifan said, reassuring him on something Jongin wasn’t even thinking about. No, all he was thinking about what Kyungsoo would say if Jongin called him into his office again.

Jongin’s eyes were hard when he stood up and said, “Rest assured, Yifan, I wasn’t worried about our deal at all. I have great faith in you that you’ll watch over and make sure everything runs smoothly… Won’t you?”

Yifan sent him another one of his infuriating smiles, the one where Jongin couldn’t tell if it was sincere or a sly smile.

Sehun saw them staring each other down while the other board members started to filter out of the room and quickly came over to rescue Jongin.

“Jongin, I believe you have someone waiting for you in your office,” Sehun said discreetly.

“Oh, do I?” Jongin replied, feigning surprise. Yifan backed off at once; they’d stare each other down some other day at some other meeting again. Jongin said to Sehun, “I’ll be there right away,” and then turned back to Yifan.

“Good to see you here again,” he said, shaking his hand.

“Oh yes, indeed. You know, Guangzhou has many interesting places to offer. You should stop by one day to check out my office,” Yifan said, patting Jongin’s arm. That was probably code for ‘I’ve been flying myself and my staff to Korea too many times for my liking and it’s about time you flew your ass to China instead.’

It wasn’t something Jongin could ignore; he could read through the lines right away so he promised sincerely that he would drop by China soon. “Maybe the next meeting?” Jongin suggested.

“That would be preferable. Until then,” Yifan said conclusively, bowing and stepping away from Jongin. Tao came up to offer Yifan his briefcase while Jongin turned to sigh a silent breath of relief. Finally, this meeting was truly over. He joined Sehun who held the door open for him and gave another farewell nod in Yifan’s direction.

“Any minute and you were going to start a fight. Control yourself, Jongin,” Sehun muttered.

“Not my problem he’s so weird,” Jongin muttered back, adjusting the sweater around his shoulders. He was certain he looked and felt much more comfortable than Yifan in his oh-so-classic suit and Sehun’s modern looking long sleeved shirt made of a stiff, scratchy fabric.

“Thanks for saving me,” Jongin said.

“Don’t thank me, I was just the messenger,” Sehun replied coolly.

“Oh. I take it back then,” Jongin teased.

“I didn’t say I didn’t appreciate a word of thanks every so often for what I do and deal with every day,” Sehun replied dryly, handing Jongin his tablet.

“Look good for your guest,” he said, when they reached Jongin’s office. He frowned. “There’s a guest in my office?”

“Yeah. Did you think it was a lie?” Sehun said, genuinely smiling at Jongin. Of course he thought it was a lie. What kind of person would want to see Jongin and would be willing to wait in his office instead of lurk around the building to look for him?

Jongin couldn’t see through the frosted glass of the sliding door, so he had no idea who it was. “Who is it?” he asked, waving at his other assistant.

“See for yourself,” Sehun replied.

So Jongin did. He entered his office, half expecting his father and mother to be standing in the middle of the room. That would certainly explain the amused look in Sehun’s eye and the excitement of his second assistant (whose name he should get around to learning soon).

Instead of a member of his family, Jongin entered the office and found himself staring at the back of Kyungsoo’s head as he sat with a stiff back in front of Jongin’s desk.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin said in disbelief. He turned around to look at him. “Um, yeah. Taewoon said I could come in to wait for you, so I…”

The name didn’t ring a bell. “Who’s that?” he asked honestly.

Kyungsoo gave him a dry look, almost rolling his eyes as he stood up. “Your assistant.”

Ah. So his name was Taewoon. _Gotta_ _remember that, then_ , Jongin thought. Taewoon with his eager-to-please personality and overly friendly treatment to guests who wanted to see Jongin; that sounded about right.

Jongin made his way around the table, dropping into his seat heavily. “I just left an incredibly boring meeting, so what you have to say to me better be good,” Jongin said. He did not mention that he was thinking of Kyungsoo the entire meeting and during his shower too. Kyungsoo sat down hesitantly, perhaps having second thoughts of his reason of coming here to see Jongin.

“I won’t take up much of your time, I just… I came here to say only one thing, and then I’ll be out of your hair,” Kyungsoo said, sounding like he was trying to convince Jongin.

He waited for Kyungsoo to go on. Jongin noticed that he was much calmer today than he was yesterday. _Maybe he wants to resign_ , Jongin thought. That would make everything much easier, but it would also be disappointing to see Kyungsoo go down without so much as a fight.

“I-I know I was pretty out of line last night, Mr. Kim—”

“Jongin,” he interrupted.

Kyungsoo stopped and stammered over his words. “Right. Sorry, Mister—J-Jongin. Jongin,” Kyungsoo said slowly, as if testing out the word on his tongue like it was a new ice cream flavor he’d never tried before. Jongin nodded for him to go on. ‘Mr. Kim’ was what people used to refer to his father. Jongin wasn’t his father.

“Yesterday, I said some things that I wish I didn’t, and I feel like I should apologize,” Kyungsoo said.

“You mean you didn’t mean what you said yesterday?” Jongin asked, almost playfully.

“No. Well, yes, but—No, I didn’t mean it the way I said it yesterday, I just—” Kyungsoo stopped, clenching his hands into fists. He looked as nervous as a boy at his first job interview. Jongin wasn’t sure why he was smiling but… maybe he did like Kyungsoo looking all meek and sad.

 _I think I’d like to see him cry again_ , Jongin thought. Not out of sadness, but of more passionate emotions like anger or maybe pleasure.

“So did you mean what you said?” Jongin asked, giving no indication to his inner thoughts.

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo mumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sorry about yesterday, I suppose. That much I know. And as much as it looks like I’m here to fool around, I’m not, I really like my job,” Kyungsoo said, looking up. The anxiety mixed with apprehension in Kyungsoo’s eyes was apparent.

“Do you like your job because you’re actually working for me?” Jongin asked teasingly, smiling just a little. Kyungsoo looked away like he couldn’t take the sight of Jongin’s face when he smiled, ears turning red almost instantly. “That’s only one of the reasons why I like working here.”

“Oh, really?” Jongin said, standing up. It felt like an out-of-body experience in that moment, like it wasn’t really him who got out of his seat and watched Kyungsoo look up at him with fear in his eyes. There was fear but something else too… Anticipation, perhaps. Like he expected something to happen, although what, Jongin didn’t know. He could read Kyungsoo like a magazine, whether Kyungsoo knew it or not. 

Jongin stood beside Kyungsoo in his seat, lifting a hand to Kyungsoo’s fringe. Jongin brushed it away from his forehead, his eyes becoming more pronounced now that his hair was out of the way. Kyungsoo looked intriguing as he sat there, frozen as Jongin’s fingers brushed over his fair skin.

“Am I your favorite reason for working here?” Jongin whispered.

Kyungsoo blinked, looking confused. “Aren’t you… going to fire me?” he asked.

Jongin placed a hand on the back of Kyungsoo’s chair and bent down to his height, bringing his face centimeters away from Kyungsoo’s face.

“I told you I haven’t decided yet,” Jongin replied huskily. He wanted to kiss Kyungsoo, see if his lips were as soft and inviting as they looked, to see if he could make Kyungsoo flustered again. He was tense now, like a tightly coiled spring. When would he let go, blossom before Jongin like a pretty, delicate little flower?

He wasn’t gay, Jongin knew that, but Kyungsoo made everything different. Kyungsoo made Jongin rethink, snapped him out of a trance he didn’t know he was in. There was a new world out there he’d never thought to explore until Kyungsoo came around with his sneaky photo snapping skills.

“I’m going to kiss you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, bringing his other hand up to hold Kyungsoo’s jaw up. It was a warning; if Kyungsoo didn’t want this, he could walk away now. But Kyungsoo was breathing hard as Jongin neared his mouth, and he closed his eyes without moving, without resisting or leaning into Jongin’s touch.

 _Maybe he’s never done this before_ , Jongin thought. But whatever Kyungsoo’s reasons were for not moving, Jongin didn’t care. All he wanted was one kiss, just to see what it’d be like. 

He brushed his lips over Kyungsoo’s mouth, feeling the velvet softness of the skin of his lips with his own. Kyungsoo stayed very still as Jongin pressed his lips over Kyungsoo’s just a little harder. Jongin took it as permission to lick Kyungsoo’s lower lip gently, tasting green tea and a hint of mint. It felt electric, like a shot of adrenaline to Jongin’s heart to kiss Kyungsoo like this.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” Jongin whispered, moving a fraction of an inch away to see Kyungsoo’s reaction. He inhaled deeply like he had been underwater for the past minute, shuddering as he opened his eyes and looked up at Jongin, the innocence and naïve expectancy in his gaze endearing.

Jongin moved his hand down to Kyungsoo’s chest, feeling his heart beating an irregular, fast beat like an out of tune drum. There was a faint roaring in Jongin’s head; he couldn’t tell if it was an effect from the hangover or Kyungsoo’s kiss.

“And you still refuse to tell me if you like boys,” Jongin smiled, moving out of Kyungsoo’s space.

His cheeks burned a bright red as he seemed to deflate when Jongin stood up straight to look down at him, sinking into his seat like a limp doll.

“Does it even matter now, if I say yes?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin nodded. “It would matter a lot. Then I’d understand your reasons for your bad habit, Kyungsoo. Tell me, do you like practicing this bad habit of yours even if you know it’s bad?” Jongin asked, returning back to his seat.

“Maybe it makes me feel happy,” Kyungsoo answered softly. “Maybe I like it even though I know it’s wrong.” He looked like he was in a daze now.

“Mm,” Jongin hummed appreciatively. “You’ve just made my decision harder to make, Kyungsoo. Very hard.”

Kyungsoo blinked, looking up at Jongin. “I’m sorry then. You shouldn’t have done that if it was going to make things difficult.”

“Oh, difficult, but the answer is still clear, Kyungsoo. I have decided what I shall do to you, Kyungsoo, and I think you’ll find it to your liking,” Jongin smiled, trailing a finger over his lips.

“Am I out of a job?” Kyungsoo asked. He didn’t sound like he was sure he wanted the answer to that question.

“Not at all. Consider yourself an employed man, Kyungsoo. Congratulations,” Jongin said, leaning back into his chair to gauge Kyungsoo’s reaction. He scoffed lightly like he couldn’t quite believe it, like what Jongin just said was a bad joke.

Jongin couldn’t believe it either, that he’d just kissed another man a minute ago and found it exciting. This was new territory for him, but he knew that nothing had really changed. The world just felt new now, like someone had pressed the refresh button for Jongin. Maybe it was the same for Kyungsoo too.

“You’re not going to fire me?” Kyungsoo asked in disbelief.

“Careful what you ask, or I might change my mind,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo kept quiet at once, but was still surprised, if not shocked at what Jongin just said. _I thought he’d want to keep his job but maybe not?_ Jongin thought to himself.

“B-But I tried to take your photo the other day and I… I took you to my room when I should’ve—”

“A stalker with a conscience. How original,” Jongin said, putting his legs up on the desk. Kyungsoo hesitated, face going red once more. His eyebrows furrowed together as he looked down in his lap in confusion.

“I don’t understand why you’re letting me stay. What I did was wrong and you have every right to reprimand me,” Kyungsoo said softly, pitifully in his lovely voice. His fingers twisted and fidgeted as he seemed to think about it.

 _Reprimand_ , Jongin chuckled. That was one of many things Jongin would like to do to Kyungsoo. He was interesting to Jongin, an unexpected surprise from Fate itself. Maybe the right thing to do was to fire him, but nothing about this was right. Everything was possible at this point.

“I know what you did was wrong. But I can’t help feeling like firing you isn’t the right thing to do, y’know? Not just yet,” Jongin enunciated with his hand.

Kyungsoo listened carefully and then pondered the meaning of Jongin’s words, looking up at him curiously.

“What are you going to do to me?” he asked, so quietly that Jongin almost didn’t catch his question.

“Nothing. Yet,” Jongin added, biting his lip and smirking at Kyungsoo. The truth was, he couldn’t yet decide if he wanted to have fun with Kyungsoo or torment him first.

“You’re toying with me,” Kyungsoo said. He didn’t sound accusatory, just very matter-of-fact. _Then it would mean he didn’t hate that kiss_ , Jongin thought. If he could say that without going red in the face, then maybe there was a chance after all. A chance at fun.

“I am. And there’s something I’m curious about, Kyungsoo. If I gave you the chance to show me your collection, would you show all of it to me?”

Kyungsoo frowned at him. “But why would you want… to see?”

“Call it plain curiosity. I’d like to see how much of me you’ve captured in the past three years,” Jongin said. Surely he’d taken some pretty good photos in that period of time. And if he was going to say no then… Well, Kyungsoo was working for Jongin. It wouldn’t be that hard to dig into his past, present or future.

“Are you making fun of me, perhaps?” Kyungsoo asked, a hard edge in his voice. He was getting defensive again; Jongin was going to have to tread carefully. Kyungsoo wasn’t ready to be pushed too hard yet. But Jongin could wait. He had more than enough time to wonder who Do Kyungsoo really was under all that fair skin and defensiveness about his sexuality.

“Making fun of you? Not at all. Does it look like I’m making fun of you?” Jongin replied, keeping a straight face.

“You sound like you’re having fun,” Kyungsoo lowered his head.

“And can you honestly say that you’re not having fun?”

Kyungsoo stiffened as he’d just been accused of something. Jongin knew, from the way he reacted, that he was intrigued as well. How could he not be the least bit intrigued, if he was stalking Jongin for the last three years of both of their lives?

Jongin was about to open his mouth and say something again, when the sliding door to his office slid open and Suho ambled in, digging for something in his coat. “Jongin, what do you say to a traditional Korean restaurant for lunch? I got this coupon yesterday from my brother so maybe we could talk about what you said last night—”

Jongin leapt out of his seat and ran towards Suho, making an inarticulate sound in his throat. “Ah, yes, that’d be great Suho, absolutely fantastic. I’m a little busy now—” he pushed Suho backwards to the door once more, hoping he wouldn’t say too much.

“With what? Your thoughts on Kyungsoo? Give me a break, Jongin—” Suho was laughing when he looked up from his coat and suddenly spotted Kyungsoo staring at the both of them with his wide eyes.

“Well, well, you have a guest. Why didn’t you say something?” Suho said, looking at Jongin. “Why didn’t Sehun say anything?” Jongin corrected him, looking over his shoulder to see what Sehun was doing. Obviously, he was not doing his job. He was playing a racing game on his iPad, completely immersed in the game.

“Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo, we’ve heard lots of things about you,” Suho started to say. Jongin shut him up by giving him a final push out of his office and hitting a button on the wall to shut the door permanently until he pressed the button again.

“Did you get any good pictures of Jongin?” Suho’s voice said through the door. Jongin turned to face Kyungsoo, sighing and running his hand through his hair.

“You told him? Does everyone in the office know?” Kyungsoo asked, horrified.

“No, just these people. Look, they’re not going to say anything to anyone, alright? Don’t worry about that, they’ve—” Jongin waved a hand towards the door. “They’ve heard of worse things.”

“Did Jongin fire you yet? I’ve got some small positions open if you’re looking for a job,” Suho said through the door. Kyungsoo gaped at the door and then blinked a few times. “Well, um. No,” he said loudly.

“Oh.” His silhouette was still standing at the door. Jongin decided to ignore him and send Kyungsoo out for now; he couldn’t talk if one of his friends was listening in like some creepy weirdo.

“Kyungsoo, it’s been good talking to you but I think we’re going to have to continue this some other time,” Jongin said loudly for Suho’s benefit.

Kyungsoo got the message and stood up at once, straightening his long sleeves and adjusting his pants. “Yeah, um, I guess. I—I’ll just go now,” Kyungsoo stuttered, walking to the door.

Jongin stepped aside to press the button for Kyungsoo again, but not before he reached out to grab Kyungsoo’s wrist and kissed him again, just because he could. Kyungsoo was caught off guard and whimpered against Jongin’s lips, holding onto his arm to balance himself. The way his mouth dropped open slightly and the way Kyungsoo unconsciously squeezed Jongin’s arm tightly made him realize that Kyungsoo did want this, wanted him the way Jongin strangely wanted him back. 

He touched Kyungsoo’s tongue with his own, teasing him wetly and then kissing him just a little harder. A shiver ran down Kyungsoo’s spine and he shuddered against Jongin’s larger frame, his breath catching in his throat.

Jongin broke off the kiss first, dragging his thumb over Kyungsoo’s warm, pink cheekbone and chuckled under his breath.

“Careful. Don’t want to hurt yourself, do you?” Jongin said. He released his hold on Kyungsoo and reached for the button on the wall with one hand without taking his eyes off Kyungsoo. “I can’t believe we’re not the only ones who know about this,” Kyungsoo murmured softly. Jongin chuckled. _Guilty as charged_ , his eyes said to Kyungsoo.

Suho looked at the both of them expectantly when the door slid away, leaving no obstacles between them.

“Coming?” Suho said to Jongin. Kyungsoo bowed at Suho and inched away from them slowly, maybe expecting one of them to completely brush him aside, but instead Suho and Jongin watched Kyungsoo walk away, head bowed as he walked away with an awkward gait. Jongin was amazed he could manage to look unaffected by Jongin’s kiss.

“What the fuck was that?” Jongin said to Suho the minute Kyungsoo was out of earshot.

“What was what? I didn’t know Kyungsoo was in your office,” Suho said, holding both hands up in surrender.

Jongin sighed, watching Kyungsoo disappear back into his side of the building. 

“So? How did it go? Did you really not fire him?” Suho asked. Jongin nodded. “I can’t really fire him when I haven’t seen the true extent of his obsession.”

“You mean you don’t want to,” Suho said, giving him an appraising look. Jongin pretended to ignore that and squinted at Taewoon threateningly. “You. You should’ve warned me Suho was coming,” he said.

Taewoon looked up at him sheepishly, twiddling his thumbs. “S-Sehun told me not to.”

“I don’t care, you’re not working for him, you’re working for me. If you make so much as another mistake again, highlight the wrong word for me in a document and you are done,” Jongin added some hand gestures for emphasis. “Do you hear that, Taewoon? You. Are. _Done_.”

“Hey, you know his name,” Suho smiled, patting his arm. Jongin curled his lip in mild annoyance at Suho. “Course I did. Knew his name from the moment he started working here.”

“Yeah, just like you knew I was going to work for you way back when you were in college,” Suho replied brightly. Jongin looked at him, trying to stifle a smile as he exited the office. It was hard not to laugh when Suho was being this dumb.

*

Sitting outside an urban, modern café under a large umbrella, Sehun, Jongin and Suho shared a bottle of wine in the afternoon spring breeze to talk about what happened in Jongin’s office approximately an hour ago. They couldn’t go to the traditional Korean restaurant because Suho’s coupon was only valid for two diners, so thanks to Sehun the third wheel, they had Western food for lunch instead.

“You need to tell us everything that happened, Jongin, from the start to the end without skipping over a single thing,” Suho said when their food came. He ordered steak and potatoes, while Sehun and Jongin had fish and chips.

Jongin looked down at his crispy, baked fish, hiding the guilt in his eyes from Suho’s scrutiny. It was a little embarrassing to think about what had happened in the office, and he was sure that Suho and Sehun would have a lot to say if he ever told them about it. He pretended to nod and cut himself a slice of fish first, dipping it into some mayo.

“I was surprised obviously, to see him there in the office,” Jongin started, building an alternate story as he spoke without wandering too far from the truth. He couldn’t lie too much or they’d see through him right away.

“Yeah, Sehun told me he sent Kyungsoo in without telling you it was him,” Suho grinned, feeding himself some mashed potato.

“Because only my PA would do that, yeah. Anyway, I er, asked him what he wanted, and he apologized for what he said last night, which you both obviously know of.”

“I sent the voice recording to Chanyeol. You know, for an employer who’s supposed to take up this company someday, you sounded like you were trying to hit on Kyungsoo more than put him in his place,” Sehun commented. Jongin wondered if Sehun could read minds; he certainly could tell there was something going on between Jongin and Kyungsoo.

Clearing his throat, Jongin quickly denied it. “I wasn’t trying to hit on him. I honestly didn’t know what to do with him at the time, and even if he did apologize for his behavior yesterday, I didn’t hear him apologizing about stalking me for three years,” Jongin said, adding just enough defensiveness and appall in his voice.

“He owes you that much at least, yeah, totally,” Suho agreed. Jongin could tell that Suho meant it, although the last thing Jongin wanted from Kyungsoo was an apology.

“Right? So… he apologized and I said okay, but that I still hadn’t yet figured out what to do with him,” Jongin said, keeping the fact to himself that he was undeniably coming onto Kyungsoo really hard by taking advantage of his obvious attraction to him.

“Oh. Is that it?” Suho said.

Jongin frowned and nodded. “Yeah… Why?” Jongin asked, shoving some fries into his mouth, literally eating his guilt away. It felt better to have something in his mouth to shut him up in case he wanted to blurt something out.

“He was in there for an awfully long time. You guys really didn’t say anything else after that?” Sehun said, glancing at Jongin. He couldn’t listen in to Jongin’s conversations if they kept their voice low in the office (Thank God for that), so he couldn’t have known what happened. But still, they were expecting him to continue.

“He um, begged me to keep him then. Told me he loved his job and wasn’t ready to leave over this small issue,” Jongin quickly said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

Sehun and Suho snorted at the same time, mouths busy chewing on their food.

“Begged you?” Suho repeated.

“Small issue?” Sehun parroted.

“He didn’t get on his knees, alright, but the pleading was there.” It was sort of true. He did say that he loved his job and that he wasn’t going to let this get him in trouble.

“He’s got a lot of nerve to call this small issue. Huh, stop by his house and then we’ll see if it’s small,” Sehun scoffed, taking a sip of wine to take away the greasy taste of oil in his mouth.

“What, you think he has like giant posters of me in his room like some teenage fantasy?” Jongin laughed. Actually, if he did, it would just be that much more interesting for Jongin. Sehun gave him a weird look and shrugged.

“I don’t know what he might have in his home. He’s stalked you for three years, there’s bound to be evidence of his obsession over you.”

“I believe the correct terminology is ‘bad habit’,” Jongin corrected him sarcastically. Sehun chortled on his food, nodding as he agreed with Jongin. “Bad habit, yes,” he smiled.

 “As if anything good can come out of loving you,” Sehun joked. Jongin picked up his glass and toasted to that.

“I’m a loser,” Jongin said. “Amen to that,” Suho had to agree. “You know, I think we should totally check out which area he lives in,” Suho said, gesturing for a waiter to refill his drink.

“What?” Jongin said flatly, putting down his glass. Seemed a bit early to be stalking Kyungsoo at this stage of their… situation. _But Suho doesn’t know_ , Jongin thought. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t curious about where Kyungsoo lived either, but it felt like crossing an invisible line. He’d rather be invited into Kyungsoo’s place than to seek it out himself.

Suho sent him a questioning look. “Aren’t you curious to see where he lives?”

“Curious, yes. But not enough to want to see it just yet,” Jongin said. His cod fish was divine; he would have to take note of this café more often. Maybe he could come back here when it was warmer.

“I could check out where he lives from his files,” Suho said, lilting his words into almost a suggestion. Sehun shrugged. “I think it’d be good to see where he lives too. See what we’re up against.”

“He’s not a fucking criminal, there’s nothing we need to brace ourselves for. Can you both stop regarding him like some wild animal?” Jongin said, exasperated. All this tension made him feel like dessert, and he hadn’t been to the gym since London.

“He’s a loose cannon, Jongin,” Sehun said, shaking his head. “I can almost feel a storm coming whenever he’s around. He’s not going to go away easily.”

“That’s ‘cause I’m keeping him around,” Jongin replied like he was talking to a child. Sehun continued to shake his head and sliced his fish up into small pieces, putting two at once into his mouth. “I watch enough Mad Men to know that he’s not good for you,” Sehun said, pointing his fork at Jongin.

“Mark my words, he’ll hurt you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but…” Sehun trailed off, shrugging. Jongin lifted an eyebrow at him wryly.

“You’ve been watching too much Mad Men to think he’ll ever do that,” Jongin laughed. Kyungsoo was far too mild mannered to ever do that.

*

 After lunch with Suho and Sehun, Jongin left the office for the day and went back home to his apartment with nothing else in his schedule.

It wasn’t like he didn’t have things to do at the office. There were a million things that probably demanded his attention, but any other board member would’ve sufficed and that was where Suho stepped in. Sehun wasn’t on the board, but he knew the ways around the corporate world to know which sort of things required Jongin’s full attention and which one didn’t.

And so because his two closest friends did their jobs so well, Jongin was left with plenty of time on his hands to read quietly at home. _Maybe I’ll drop by the gym before dinner_ , he thought, and have dinner at Club Red. He smiled to himself at that. Jongin had never left Club Red without having a good time.

But first, he wanted to read the script of a Broadway play, Venus in Fur.

Contrary to his public image (depending on the way you look at it), he wasn’t just a well-to-do, multimillionaire playboy. He was a well-to-do, cultivated, multimillionaire playboy. College sometimes required a bit of reading and since he had picked up the habit of reading something every so often, he liked buying books or copies of scripts online and reading them whenever he had the time.

He came across Venus in Fur a long time ago, when the play was first written and performed in Broadway. Jongin had only heard a bit about it, something about two people on opposite sides and finding their passions ignited by one another. Or something cliché like that. It had been a long time since he skimmed through the pages. It was a two-person play, which meant very few characters and an easy to follow plot. He liked reading, but he didn’t like long winded stories.

After changing into some sweats and a tank in preparation for the gym later, he made himself some tea and went into his room, running a finger over the spines of books, both new and old, and found the script of Venus in Fur squeezed among other scripts, a thin stack of papers stapled together. 

Settling into his seat, he started to read through the first few pages. It was a seventy five paged script about a playwright who couldn’t find the right woman to play his female lead, only to have a woman barging into the theater when he was alone, and insisted that she audition for Vanda, the female lead, even though auditions were long over. He doesn’t expect much, only to find out that she says the lines perfectly and is almost the character herself.

Towards the twentieth page or so, Jongin realized that this play wasn’t really about the actress and the director. It was about _the play_ in the play. The play, also called Venus in Fur, was about a man named Kushemski living in the eighteenth century who was beaten by his aunt as a young boy, and enjoyed it. The beating changed him, made him want to be subjugated by a woman, although he had to hide that desire from the world until he met Vanda, to whom he spoke of his desires to and signed a contract with her, promising to be her slave.

It was all very sexist, very Fifty Shades of Grey at first to Jongin, but halfway through reading the script he realized that there was more to the story than he initially might’ve thought. Vanda, who was actually in love with Kushemski all along, pretended to want a man whom she could dominate over when in fact, she wanted Kushemski to dominate her instead.

It wasn’t the part where she wanted to be dominated that Jongin was interested in, but rather, how it must’ve felt to have complete power, contract or not, over someone. Jongin wasn’t into BDSM, but he could see the appeal through this play.

To degrade and humiliate someone, to see them beg for mercy and yet know that they loved it and wanted more was almost as fascinating as Kyungsoo was. Jongin couldn’t imagine shouting obscenities at someone on purpose, but he supposed it would feel good.

 _Like when you’re in a fight and you get to say what you want because you’re in heat, in anger and passionate about whatever the fight is about_ , Jongin thought.  Furthermore, it was rather taboo to want to dominate over someone and vice versa, but maybe that was what this play was all about. Experimenting with the primal desires that came with being human; this probably was what people in the past enjoyed, back when being civil and having morals wasn’t common duty, when there were slaves and different kinds of rules for different kinds of people.

Jongin was in for a surprise, however, when he finished the script. Instead of the woman playing Vanda and the playwright playing Kushemski, they changed roles and Vanda was the one tying the man up, even though it was supposed to be a man tying a woman up in the real play. It was a rude awakening for the playwright, Thomas, because in a way, he was on the receiving end of humiliation when it was supposed to be a woman and thus felt every bit of humiliation men usually handed out to women in the 1800s. In a way, Vanda took revenge on the playwright for basically writing a play about the glorification of oppressing women in the eighteenth century.

Jongin understood that the woman, Vanda, wanted the tables turned on Thomas for once. But that wasn’t what left him feeling like a new man when he was done with the script. It was the knowledge of how one could crave pain or like causing pain to others and yet still love each other, if that could be called love.

 _But love is subjective_ , Jongin thought. It was different for everyone.

-

Jongin went to the gym with his mind preoccupied.

He ran on the treadmill for forty five minutes straight and all he could think about was the play and the effect it left on him. It was refreshing to read about primal desires and not read primal desires itself. He thought that maybe he could like it too, being the hammer in a relationship, and his partner the anvil. In the play, they had said somewhere that in every relationship only one could rule. If that were truly the case, Jongin was definitely the kind who would have the upper hand. He couldn’t picture wanting to be put down in his place by another and liking it; it just wasn’t in his nature.

Then he sighed and smiled to himself as he ran on the treadmill, sweating buckets. He wondered if Kyungsoo had ever read this play, and which character he could relate to. Did he, in other words, want to dole out bruises for fun or receive pain yet feel pleasure from it? Jongin thought Kyungsoo rather looked like he could do both and still enjoy it all the same.

 _Do I like seeing him flustered because I want to beat with him a stick then?_ Jongin asked himself. Now that was a thought.

It wasn’t about beating Kyungsoo that made him run that much harder as adrenaline coursed through him. It was seeing him flustered, sweaty, tired but maybe craving for more. Probably wanted more. Jongin never thought he had it in him until Kyungsoo came around, wrapping himself around Jongin’s head like a vice.

He couldn’t say he hated it though. In fact, he sort of liked it. He liked that Kyungsoo wanted him, plain and simple. Did he like Kyungsoo back? That was debatable. But it would be weird, Jongin thought, I’m a guy and he’s a guy…

His thoughts kept swirling in a circle until he didn’t want to think anymore about Venus or Kyungsoo or pain. _I’m a guy_ , Jongin thought, getting off the treadmill to do some sit ups, _and Kyungsoo’s a guy._

 _He’s_ _gay, I’m_ not _gay._

He wiped his sweat with a towel around his neck, draping it over one shoulder. Jongin found a vacant sit up bench and sat on it, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was floppy and damp with sweat, his black tank was soaked in some places and his reflection was breathing hard, breath coming and going in ragged drags. Jongin could look in the mirror and find himself sort of good looking, but what was Kyungsoo’s real reason for his obsession over him, he’d probably never know. He wasn’t drop dead handsome, he didn’t have the kind of chiseled, classic Asian look that designers would want in a male model but he did have confidence in himself. There were plenty of girls in his lifetime for him to know that _hey, I’m not that bad at picking up girls._

 A bright light momentarily flashed behind Jongin, and he saw the reflection of the flash in the mirror, somewhere towards his left. He squinted, the light blinding him for a second and he had to look away to blink rapidly as spots appeared in his vision.

It was bright and brief enough to be a flash from a camera, and he turned to see who or what it was, but there was no one. About five other people were in the gym, but they weren’t lurking towards his left side. All there was in the left corner was a doorway and some lockers.

It couldn’t be Kyungsoo, could it?

He couldn’t help but think so, but this wasn’t another average gym, it was a members-only gym with membership prices only celebrities or people like Jongin could afford. Last time Jongin checked, Kyungsoo couldn’t even afford Calvin Klein underwear. Probably the flash of someone’s watch when they walked past, Jongin thought dismissively.

It happened, didn’t it? Besides, he was probably thinking too much about Kyungsoo today, too much for his liking.

*

Jongin went to Club Red despite feeling like he wasn’t in the mood for dancing around with the girls there.

He had gone after working out and taking a shower at the gym, fully expecting to get wasted with this one girl, Jiyoung, from Club Red who loved to pester him at work (Sehun couldn’t go one day without taking her call and having to tell her that Jongin wasn’t in, regardless of the fact he might’ve been) and wanted to distract himself with her conventional Korean beauty, all her perfumed rosy skin and perfect features but instead only found himself annoyed at her.

Jongin was annoyed that she wasn’t what he thought he wanted for the night, her perfume was far too strong, she didn’t have the right kind of voice for the mood he was in and she didn’t have the right kind of skin shade, which didn’t make any sense to Jongin. Kyungsoo wasn’t Jiyoung, and Jiyoung certainly wasn’t Kyungsoo in every way.

He had a feeling that he was selling himself short by spending time with her in the club, making her pour his drinks and kiss his lips whenever he pulled her close. She tasted like strawberries. Jongin tried not to gag at the taste of her mouth.

Of course, he spent more money than sense in the end, and left feeling empty although on his merry way to passing out in the back of his Rolls Royce. Jiyoung screamed goodbye as he left, trying to get him to promise to call her.

Jongin felt empty, yes, but that void was constantly refilled by annoyance and irrational anger. _Fuck Venus and her motherfucking fur_ , he thought hazily. _Fuck Kyungsoo and the way he makes me feel._ He hoped he wouldn’t feel like this in the morning. When sunlight shone in through his windows, he wanted to forget he ever kissed Kyungsoo. 

 


	4. been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Jongin went to the office in the morning with sunglasses on as he stumbled into his elevator and punched the button to go up to the twentieth floor.

He was in a bad mood today, and for no good reason. Jongin had gone to bed after coming home from Club Red, only to dream about standing in an empty room as he watched Kyungsoo run his fingers over tall heathers from a window, walking slowly away from Jongin. He had shouted and begged through the window (typical of dreams, the window couldn’t be opened) for Kyungsoo to help him get out of the white room littered with sand everywhere at his feet, but Kyungsoo couldn’t hear anything from outside. It only served to make him feel frustrated the moment he opened his eyes.

Needless to say, Sehun was surprised to see Jongin coming in. His version of surprised was to look up at Jongin stumbling over his feet and say, “Good morning,” voice thick with sarcasm.

Jongin ignored Sehun and muttered at Taewoon to get him a cup of coffee in five minutes and walked agonizingly slow into his office, trying not to jolt his head with his footsteps. He considered lacing his coffee with brandy when it came, but then remembered it was because of alcohol that he was feeling like this in the first place. _I don’t even know why I drink this much if I wake up like this all the time._

Taewoon’s five minutes weren’t even up yet and the phone rang loudly in its cradle. Jongin glared at it and begrudgingly picked it up, held it to his ear, and covered his face with one hand. 

“Someone better be dead.”

“Is that what you plan to call Accuretta Systems when you’re CEO? Doesn’t sound bad.” Suho. Typical of him to monitor Jongin like a stalker.

“Don’t make me laugh, I have a killer headache today,” Jongin groaned, pulling a crank under his seat to lie almost horizontally in his seat, settling into the plush leather and praying that his headache would go away after his coffee. He didn’t know why he didn’t have one at home; Taewoon was probably going to mess it up like yesterday again.

 _Oh shit, I thought about yesterday again,_ Jongin thought to himself. So much for trying to put Kyungsoo out of his mind. He pressed a finger to his temple as if to expel Kyungsoo out of his mind by squeezing his thoughts out. 

“You mean you’re hungover and forgot to drink your coffee at home. Well, fret no longer. I’m sending Baekhyun up with some hot bagels. Told this boy to get three bagels and he got six instead…”

“I don’t want to eat,” Jongin replied. The thought of stuffing his face with bagels was tantalizing, but moving his jaw was like picking up a ten ton rock.

“Shut up and take the bagels. Sehun and Taewoon can have it if you don’t want it,” Suho replied. He sounded too leisurely, Jongin wondered if he was really pulling as much weight as he thought he did. _Or maybe work isn’t as hard as I think it is._

“I went to Club Red last night,” Jongin said, closing his eyes. Suho tutted at him down the phone.

“Jiyoung is annoying the hell out of Sehun, y’know. You should stop going just so she realizes that you’re not interested in her.” Suho had been to Club Red before. He had vowed to never set foot into the place again when a hostess left thirty six missed calls on his phone the next morning. And that was after he promised he’d come back the next night.

 Jongin thought that maybe he should take that sort of vow too. Jiyoung was really a pain in the ass last night, complaining and whining about how Jongin didn’t stop by often enough. He knew he was leading her on by giving her big tips every time he dropped by, but he couldn’t think of a nice way to say, “You’re a whore and there is not a sliver of hope that I’ll marry you and get you out of this trailer park life. Ever.”

“I will. Maybe. I read Venus in Fur last night,” Jongin said to Suho, just because he didn’t know why Suho was still on the line.

“Oh? Was it good? I thought the part where Vanda makes him sign the contract was a little—”

“Too many words, Suho. Come up if you feel like it,” Jongin said lazily when Taewoon knocked on the door. Jongin hung up without giving Suho a chance to protest and mumbled for him to come in.

“Rough night, sir?”

It wasn’t Taewoon. Jongin lifted his sunglasses to see Baekhyun in a sharp suit and holding a paper bag in one hand. “Your bagels,” he smiled, holding them up.

“Thank you, Baekhyun. Although I wish I knew where my coffee is,” Jongin groaned, sitting up as Baekhyun placed the bagels in front of him. The smell of freshly baked bread cleared Jongin’s head momentarily. It smelled of better days when he didn’t get drunk so very often. He tossed his sunglasses aside to receive the bagels, breathing in the warm, homey smell.

“I actually sent Taewoon back to the kitchen ‘cause I’m guessing that he doesn’t know your coffee order yet since he’s new. He’s making a new one for you, sir, so I’m sure it’ll be here very soon,” Baekhyun said. Jongin only caught the words new, coffee and soon. He nodded distractedly and opened up the paper bag, reaching into for a warm bagel.

“Been a pleasure to see you, sir. Have a nice day,” Baekhyun said, bowing slightly and turning to walk away. Jongin called goodbye after him while chewing on his poppy seed bagel, pulling the crank again to lean at about 45 degrees into his chair.

After about two minutes, Jongin’s good sense came back to him. “Why am I here?” Jongin asked himself out loud. It seemed very important in the morning to come in, but now that he was here…

Jongin moved his chair with his feet towards the door, pressing a button to slide the door open while holding his bagel in one hand. “WHY AM I HERE?” he repeated loudly, using his chair to roll out and sit at Sehun’s desk, staring at him.

“WHY AM I HERE?”

“In a universal sense?” Sehun replied him dryly without looking up.

“We could start there,” Jongin said, biting into his bagel. He had brought the entire bag and offered it to Sehun, who shook his head.

“I’m not religious so I don’t know how you want me to answer that,” Sehun said, lithe, artfully slim fingers reaching for a stamp and pressing it a few times into an ink pad. Jongin chewed quietly, watching Sehun work with a bland expression on Sehun’s face.

“You’re not religious? That’s like a vegetarian saying he doesn’t eat carrots,” Jongin said.

“Maybe I don’t like carrots,” Sehun shrugged, stamping the piece of paper in front of him and putting it aside. “Now, do you need something or can you let me get on with my work?”

“Until my coffee comes, you’re gonna explain to me why Taewoon doesn’t know how I take my coffee.”

Sehun sighed. “There was that one time I told him and he said…” Sehun was blathering on about the coffee situation when suddenly Jongin caught a bit of movement in the corner of his eye.

He looked beyond Sehun’s computer, still chewing on his bagel, and saw Baekhyun hugging someone. When they pulled away, Jongin realized it was Kyungsoo. He stopped chewing and stared, leaning over Sehun’s desk and to get a better look.

They chatted good-naturedly, it seemed, smiling at each other. It was the first time Jongin had ever seen Kyungsoo smile. He couldn’t really get a good look though, Kyungsoo wasn’t facing him so it was hard to see through all the glass.

“And—Oh, here’s your coffee. Go away now please, my mouth feels tired from talking so much,” Sehun’s voice said. Jongin looked back at him, blinking. A shadow was standing over Jongin, and judging from the smell of coffee, it was probably Taewoon looking at him expectantly. 

Sehun mistook Jongin’s momentary daze for uncertainty and said, “Baekhyun made Taewoon get another coffee for you, so don’t worry.” Jongin cleared his throat, then realized he had some bagel left in his mouth still and just nodded at Taewoon in thanks. He pointed at his office and swallowed his bagel down, patting Sehun’s arm frantically when Taewoon walked away.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Jongin asked, pointing at Kyungsoo and Baekhyun. Sehun looked at where he was pointing and sighed, pursing his lips.

“Not you?”

“Kyungsoo’s smiling. I’ve never seen him smile.”

“You’ve never not threatened him since the day you met him. What did you expect?” Sehun said, rolling his eyes. Then he placed his hand on the armrest of Jongin’s chair and pushed him towards the direction of his office.

“Go away and eat your bagel alone. Me and Taewoon will have this,” Sehun said, holding up the bag and flinging it to Taewoon’s desk.

Jongin got out of his chair and grabbed a file, holding it up to his face as he stood near the glass wall separating the lobby from their office, staring at Kyungsoo a little longer. If they looked over, hopefully they would mistake Jongin’s body for a coat hanger or something. Kyungsoo was still smiling, for God’s sake, and it was almost endearing to see his lips curled up into a shy little smile as Baekhyun patted his arm and laughed at something.

 _What’s so funny about Baekhyun?_ Jongin thought. Kyungsoo was holding back a laugh and looked like he was snorting at Baekhyun in reply. Jongin shoved the last of his bagel behind the file into his mouth and chewed with effort, trying to read their lips.

“Is sir alright?” Taewoon’s voice said from somewhere behind Jongin.

“He’s sleep walking, don’t mind him,” Sehun replied.

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun exchanged a few more words before Baekhyun gave Kyungsoo a little wave. He turned and faced Jongin’s direction for a moment, and Jongin thought he was going to get caught peeping on them. _I’m the future of this company though_ , he thought distractedly, squinting over the file. He probably had the right to stare at them, didn’t he?

Luckily for him, Baekhyun’s gaze didn’t linger on him, so his sight was more questionable than Jongin thought. Kyungsoo probably couldn’t see Jongin from where he stood, so Jongin just stayed still until Baekhyun finally walked to the elevator and Kyungsoo went back into the office, presumably to do his work instead of chatting to his friend while still at work.

Jongin turned around with a flourish, his brain processing everything he’d just seen. Taewoon and Sehun were still hard at work, just as Jongin had left them and so, sat back down into his seat and started to ponder at Sehun’s desk on what they could possibly have been talking about.

“Do you think—”

“I’m sure Chanyeol would love to provide more insight on what Kyungsoo and Baekhyun might’ve been talking about in the lobby. Would you like me to ring him up for you?” Sehun said icily.

“You’re right, I need to talk to someone with more fashion sense. I shall do so immediately,” Jongin said, just before Sehun flung a heavy file filled with papers at him. He ducked just in time for it to graze his shoulder and fall beside Taewoon’s desk.

*

Chanyeol and Jongin sat at a park on a bench side by side, one of them dressed in a fur coat and another dressed in a light sweater and jeans, nothing more. People passing by such as mothers with young children or elderly people out on a walk would probably have mistaken them for a gay couple, especially since they were holding cups of mocha in their hands.

“Thank you for asking me out today. I couldn’t find an occasion to wear my new Fendi fur, but then you called and here I am,” Chanyeol beamed at Jongin.

“Please stop, we’re in public, honey,” Jongin said sarcastically.

Chanyeol laughed. “But no, seriously, I couldn’t find an occasion and now I have one so you can tell me all about whatever it is you want to talk about,” Chanyeol said, patting his hair lightly to make sure everything was still in place.

He had apparently just left the hair salon to meet Jongin in the park because ‘the public deserves to see what true fabulosity looks like.’ Jongin cleared his throat, sipping from his mocha. It burned his tongue, but at least it made him feel more focused. Taewoon’s coffee was much better at the office, but not enough to give Jongin’s a good kick start hence the coffee.

“Saw Kyungsoo today,” Jongin said, looking into the distance.

“For Christ’s sake, Jongin, just fuck him if you want to already,” Chanyeol said, exhaling loudly like he’d heard this far too many times.

“B-but I only said I saw him, I haven’t like…” Jongin trailed off. He wondered if maybe Sehun was Jesus (or Satan), and maybe Chanyeol was an all knowing angel like Gabriel or Raphael. Did he guess at what Jongin did in the bathroom that day?

“From the way you talk about him, it sounds like you’re in love. I bet you just caught a glance of him today and that’s all you called me out for. I knew this wasn’t an occasion to wear Fendi, I knew it…” Chanyeol bristled like a cat, touching his fur like he was offended by Jongin.

Jongin made an ugly face at Chanyeol and said, “I’m not in love with anyone, alright, and neither am I planning to fall in love. I’m just. I don’t know, curious.”

“That’s all you’ve ever said about him since you met Kyungsoo. How curious are you going to get, Jongin? You either stick it in for once and see if you like it, or shut up about it because I can’t be coming out for these little therapy sessions every time you feel delicate about Kyungsoo.”

Jongin was reminded of an Arctic Monkeys song when Chanyeol put it that way. “Suck it and see, you’ll never know?” he said, turning to look at Chanyeol.

“Yeah. Suck it, eat it, I don’t care. Unless,” he squinted his eyes at Jongin, “unless you’re coming onto me, to which I say, ‘fuck off’.”

“I wouldn’t be able to afford you and your ways,” Jongin said, taking the easy way out of this potential argument, that is to compliment Chanyeol. He took the bait right away and smiled, giving Jongin a sly smile. “That’s right. Thank goodness you know that. Now that I’m here in my fur and all though… spill.”

“Can I be really honest?” Jongin asked, voice muffled when he held the cup up to his mouth.

“I’m _expecting_ honesty, you little shit.”

“Excellent. The thing is, I’ve always been straight, Yeol, straighter than all of you.” Chanyeol hit him across the chest quite hard and made him cough till his lungs almost shot out. His friends were violent whenever they tried to show their love, Jongin understood that now.

“And because I’ve been so straight all my life, it suddenly makes me feel weird to think that someone’s like, gay for me,” Jongin wheezed. Thank God he didn’t take sip of his mocha yet. Chanyeol’s left arm certainly had him firmly planted in reality now.

“Who says Kyungsoo was gay for you? He was probably gay all along and you’re just one of the many guys he finds hot,” Chanyeol replied breezily.

“I fail to see how that changes things. So, I’m undoubtedly sure that I’m not weirded out by his… fetish,” Jongin said. Chanyeol nodded encouragingly. “But what I am weirded out about is how I’m starting to feel like… I don’t know. Like maybe, I do find him sort of cute, in a sad way?”

Chanyeol absorbed this silently without moving.

“It’s like how if you found out someone had a crush on you, and you like them back because they like you, y’know? And I guess this feeling will probably go away if Kyungsoo wasn’t around all the time but he is, and so I was wondering if I should, like, go for it,” Jongin said. This was probably the most honest thing he’d said about Kyungsoo this entire time. He was proud with the fact that he didn’t even need to mention kissing Kyungsoo in his office.

“Go for it… how?” Chanyeol said in confusion.

“Like how we get girls? I wouldn’t know the way around it yet, which is why I’m here,” Jongin replied. Chanyeol replied with an eloquent ah and nodded, tapping a finger over his lips.

“So what you’re saying is you kind of like Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said, as if to make sure he had all the right facts. Jongin nodded slowly, then shook his head. “No, no, no, I mean I’m attracted to him but it’s so weird because we’re guys and he’s a guy and—”

“Jesus was a guy too, settle down, Jongin. You don’t think it’s weird for him to be gay but… you find it weird that you’re attracted to him as well, is that it?” Chanyeol said.

Jongin nodded.

“Right. Well, first of all, I don’t know why you’re being so weird about this. If you like him or think you might like him then just take him out on a date, say it’s a coffee break or something and just suss it out and see if he’s that into you first.”

“But what if he doesn’t want more with me?” Jongin said.

“He takes photos of you in broad daylight. Trust me, he’s sort of into you. And anyway, if he doesn’t then you can finally sit your ass down and say, ‘Yep, I’m straight and it was nice going down that road but I wouldn’t go there again’.”

Chanyeol had a point. Jongin could probably get Kyungsoo to come into his office later, or maybe stalk him instead and see where he lived just to check out what kind of place he was living in and… Wait, this was going too far.

“How—How do you suggest I suss things out? Coffee break is too cliché, give me something that I’ll probably remember,” Jongin said, drinking some of his mocha. Chanyeol stuck out his bottom lip, thinking hard by furrowing his eyebrows.

“Something to remember, hmm? A date that you and Kyungsoo would never forget for the rest of your lives…”

“Try to keep it within the Republic of Korea, I don’t think I want to fly a stalker to another country on my private jet,” Jongin quickly added to put on a lid on some of Chanyeol’s predictable ideas. His face soured, but he still tried to think of something for them to do so that they could talk and yet still be casual about everything.

“Do you think taking him to dinner to have some seafood together is fine or?” Chanyeol suggested.

“Seafood sounds expensive. And he could be allergic, I’d never know,” Jongin said. What if he ordered lobster or oysters, only to find out that Kyungsoo only found him very photogenic and did not want to know what was lying beneath all those good looks?

Chanyeol twisted his lip to one side, tapping his cheek absently. He muttered under his breath as he went through what sounded like at least seven, crazy ideas for a casual date before Jongin said offhandedly, “What about asking him to show me all the pictures he’s ever taken of me?”

It was a joke, but Chanyeol looked at him like he was a genius. His fur danced in the wind as he stared at Jongin for three full seconds before saying, “Why _don’t_ you do that?”

Jongin blinked back at him. “We’ve only met like, twice, I don’t see how I’ve earned my right to make him show me all his stuff.”

“But you’re future CEO of Accuretta Systems, aren’t you?” Chanyeol said, looking away to drink his mocha. Jongin started to says something but Chanyeol held up a finger at him as he gulped down his frothy mocha from the paper cup.

“And CEOs don’t wait for opportunity, Jongin. People like you are supposed to make opportunities,” Chanyeol said when he put down his cup.

It was probably the best advice he’d ever received from Chanyeol, ever. Jongin thought that maybe it would seem like he’d be coming onto Kyungsoo too strong, but they’d already shared that one kiss after all. Surely they were past all niceties and were well aware that there was definitely something between each other?

“You’re not joking when you said that, right?” Jongin asked. “Hell no. At least, when my dad said it to me he didn’t sound like he was joking. Unless maybe he was?” Chanyeol frowned.

Jongin rolled his eyes. Joke or not, it made sense to Jongin. He was all up for testing boundaries now, and if he wanted to put his words into action he’d just have to get Kyungsoo to come along, and it shouldn’t be that hard.

“I think it’s time I pulled up his file,” Jongin thought aloud. Chanyeol nodded, smiling. “Yeah, take the situation by its horns and shit. By the way, am I allowed to tell Sehun about all of this or—”

“Not if you have a death wish,” Jongin said, mouth a thin flat line as he gave Chanyeol the most threatening look he could come up with. Chanyeol returned his gaze with a deadpan look, holding Jongin’s gaze without blinking his scarily large eyes.

Then they both laughed at the same time at their own expressions, snorting as they tried not to spill their mochas on each other. It wasn’t as hard to make a decision now that Jongin had all his facts laid out.

*

It wasn’t that hard to make a decision but definitely harder than Jongin thought it’d be to call Kyungsoo to his office. First of all, he had to ask Suho to get his hands on Kyungsoo’s details. Suho took the liberty to come up to his office to make everything easier, but Jongin was uncomfortable with explaining why he wanted Kyungsoo’s details. He didn’t mention his conversation with Chanyeol for one, which only meant more lying.

“Are you going to check out where he lives and everything now? Are you going to assassinate him to tie up loose ends?” Suho questioned him. Jongin felt like he was sitting on the wrong side of his desk when Suho fired those questions at him one after another.

“What? I don’t even know where to get a gun for hire. No, I’m just trying to see if… If y’know, his financial situation is good. He can’t be doing this without spending money, right?” Jongin said.

Suho stared at him. “What does his financial situation have to do with anything?” Exactly, Jongin thought, I don’t know why I said that.

“Well, he’s still human and I just wanna see if I can help him in some way, y’know, maybe get him a promotion or something.”

“To fund his obsession of you?”

“No. He said he liked his job, surely not many people can say that. I’m just trying to reward his earnest by boosting him up a little bit. I don’t want to threaten him forever, what if he wants to kill me?” Jongin said. It sounded like the stupidest excuse he’d ever come up with since he was six years old, but Suho seemed to see the sense in it (if there was any sense at all).

“That’s probably a good idea. What he does with his salary isn’t our problem but suppressing him could back fire on us. I like that idea,” Suho said, nodding while thinking about it.

“If you like it then can you send me his profile already?” Jongin suggested gently. Suho jolted out of his thoughts and began to tap on his tablet. Jongin could hardly believe Suho swallowed that excuse, but said nothing to break the spell as he waited patiently for Suho to access the company’s server. A few seconds later, Jongin’s computer pinged and he opened up his e-mail.

“His contact details, family, ID, driver’s license, everything’s there.” As well as his home address, Jongin thought. And with a bit of digging, he’d know if Kyungsoo was living in his own place or renting a place somewhere in Seoul.

Jongin clicked here and there on the screen a few times, and soon Kyungsoo’s profile came out. _Name, date of birth… Home address_. Jongin read the address, trying to guess where it was. He wasn’t living in Gangnam, that was for sure.

Jongin Googled the place and saw that his home was built on a hill, and guessed that he probably lived in a small room of someone else’s place on the outskirts of Seoul. That was the only reason Jongin could think of where Kyungsoo could probably keep his stash of Jongin’s pictures and God knows what else without his family finding out at some point. Three years was a long time if he was going to hide everything in his drawers, so Jongin thought it safe to assume that Kyungsoo most likely lived alone.

He reread the address again, and confirmed it when he realized it wasn’t an apartment. _Probably lives on the rooftop of some old grandma’s place,_ Jongin thought. Rent would be cheap, grandma landlord would probably cook him his meals for free because he looked like a good boy… and he’d have tons of pictures of Jongin all over his walls.

How predictable poor people were. It sounded like a sappy Korean drama to Jongin.

“Right, so he’s probably renting a room for himself,” Jongin said. Suho made a noise of acknowledgement. “And he’s not the sole breadwinner of his family but it seems like…” Jongin clicked three times on an arrow, and smirked. “He has a brother but his salary isn’t much better than Kyungsoo. Don’t know about his parents’ finances but I bet he sends money back home like a good son.”

“He actually sounds like a decent guy were it not for the fact that he has this major thing for you,” Suho allowed.

“One sin doesn’t make up an entire person,” Jongin said lightly.

“That sounds like something a pastor would say to me after I’ve confessed to him,” Suho replied. Jongin chuckled in reply, reading through all of Kyungsoo’s details.

There wasn’t much to him, to be honest. He was a very average guy working from nine to five like any other person in the building, and had a steady income every month. Jongin felt like yawning at him; one sin didn’t make up an entire person’s character but it certainly made Kyungsoo look a whole lot more interesting.

“So when are you going to scope him out? Today?” Suho asked.

“No… Or should I? I don’t have anything planned today but five o clock is still a long way to go,” Jongin said, checking his watch. It was two p.m. now, and he was getting hungry; Jongin needed lunch soon if he was going to harass Kyungsoo after work.

“Suho, have you eaten yet?” Jongin asked.

“Not hungry,” Suho shrugged.

“Come with me to the cafeteria. We need to eat and then I’m going to see if I can’t catch Kyungsoo at lunch,” Jongin said, getting up from his seat.

They left the office together, leaving Sehun at his desk because he always ordered in and ate at his desk on normal days like these, and got into Jongin’s elevator, descending to the ground floor where the cafeteria was. Jongin sincerely hoped Kyungsoo would be around the cafeteria.

The cafeteria was a nice enough place that Jongin didn’t mind dropping by whenever he had the chance. The floors and walls were white, first of all, so he knew it was clean. The chairs and tables to fit four at a time all matched the surroundings, as did the uniforms of the people working the kitchen. One could order traditional Korean food such as stews or stir fried dishes Monday to Thursday, as well as Western food on Wednesdays. It was Japanese food only on Fridays, although Jongin had never been here on Fridays.

Despite his ‘I’m not hungry’ routine, Suho made a beeline for traditional Korean food. Jongin too, was craving some good old kimchi stew and lined up while waiting for his turn to order.

“D’you see him?” Suho asked.

“Kyungsoo? Hmm,” Jongin looked around. Not many people were around; lunchtime was almost over, although there were a few people who had come a little later than the rest to avoid the lunch crowd. Jongin eyed each person in the large cafeteria carefully before spotting Baekhyun sitting by the wall alone, eating what looked like bibimbap.

“Baekhyun’s here though. Do you think Kyungsoo is around?” Jongin whispered to Suho. He turned around to see where Baekhyun was, and then shook his head. “If Baekhyun wanted company for lunch he would’ve had someone there by now. He’s probably here to eat and just get out, not to relax.”

That meant Kyungsoo had left already. _Or maybe he never eats here_ , Jongin thought. Jongin had never considered this possibility. _But my cafeteria has great food_ , Jongin frowned. Why would anyone working in this building _not_ stop by?

 _Be reasonable_ , he told himself. Maybe Kyungsoo was late for lunch too. Maybe he’d be here in a minute.

A minute stretched into five. Five stretched into eight, and Jongin was holding a tray of kimchi stew and rice in his hands, looking for an empty table. Suho suggested not to sit with Baekhyun just so he could come over when he noticed them and then they’d be able to question him casually about Kyungsoo.

“You’ll be cool about it though?” Jongin asked Suho, sitting down across him and opening the lid of his warm rice. Steam wafted into the air as he mixed the rice around to make sure it wasn’t lumpy.

“When have I not been cool about things?” Suho replied. This was the guy who freaked out when he watched a horror movie in 3D with Jongin and Sehun, and almost cried at the end of the movie.

“I’m not saying you’re not cool, just… be subtle about it, Suho. You’re not very subtle sometimes,” Jongin commented, scooping up some rice to shove into his mouth. His stew bubbled away merrily as he poked at it with his chopsticks, trying to get it to cool down.

“Yes I am. I’ve never had ginseng chicken here before. Is it good?” Suho asked, changing the subject. Jongin shrugged. He wasn’t a health freak like Suho; he’d never been the type to order herbal soups for his meals.

 “Nothing in this cafeteria is bad. I personally had a hand in picking what food should be on the menu last year, when they were updating the menus,” Jongin said.

“You mean you actually contributed to your father’s company? One small step for you, a giant step for Accuretta Systems,” Suho said sarcastically. Jongin stabbed at his chicken, poking holes with his chopsticks into the soft, white flesh.

“Hey! My chicken looks like road kill now,” Suho said, swatting Jongin’s hand away. He returned to his rice and kimchi stew, rolling his eyes at Suho’s forlorn expression. They started to eat after a while, talking about mundane topics. Suho watched Baekhyun over Jongin’s back by glancing at him every so often. He didn’t notice them yet, but when he got up to leave he’d surely spot Suho and Jongin at their table.

When Jongin was halfway through his kimchi stew, Suho suddenly broke off mid sentence and waved at someone. “Is it Baekhyun?” Jongin muttered.

Suho hummed in reply. Jongin then turned around to pretend to see who it was and waved at Baekhyun when he spotted him a few feet away. Baekhyun looked genuinely surprised that Jongin and Suho were here in the cafeteria, eating like the rest of the staff.

“Hi, Mr. Kim. It’s a surprise to see you both here,” Baekhyun said when he approached their table.

“Mm, is it? Jongin’s had a hand in picking out the menus here last year, so it makes sense for us to eat here,” Suho replied. Jongin wanted to spit out his food into Suho’s bowl of soup for his attempt at subtlety.

“Really? That’s actually pretty cool. Anyway, I need to hand Sehun some things and head out before the post office closes for the day,” Baekhyun said.

“Oh, I won’t stop you then. Eating alone today?” Suho asked, sounding nonchalant.

“Yeah. My usual lunch mate is busy today so I’m alone,” Baekhyun smiled.

“Busy, hmm? The usual mergers and acquisitions all day, eh?” Suho laughed. Baekhyun nodded along. “I’ll get on then. See you back the office later, Mr. Kim. Sir,” Baekhyun nodded at Jongin.

He walked off with a file clutched in his hands.

Jongin stabbed Suho painfully with a chopstick when Baekhyun was just a distant figure. “You didn’t ask about Kyungsoo at all! Talk about subtlety,” Jongin complained. Suho looked hurt that Jongin would stab him with a dirty chopstick.

“But I got what I wanted out of him,” Suho muttered back.

“What did you get other than small talk? God damn it, Suho,” Jongin said, knowing he was overreacting but scowled at Suho anyway. He snatched at Suho’s fork and placed his now dirty chopsticks into Suho’s hand.

“He said ‘my lunch mate is busy’. Today, they’re making copies for next month’s target of profit and so on. That means Kyungsoo upstairs making copies and arranging them all so that the right copies get passed around to the right people. He’s too busy to eat, Jongin. I’d say he’s still in his office right now,” Suho said.

Jongin held his fork in midair. “I’m sorry I ever misunderstood you, Suho,” he said almost reverently.

“Happens all the time,” Suho smiled easily.

*

Jongin went back up to his office alone when he was done with lunch. Suho was tactfully at his own floor, so as not to disturb Kyungsoo and Jongin like the last time they tried to have a conversation. Jongin ordered Taewoon to fetch Kyungsoo for him, and settled in his office first while he waited for Kyungsoo.

He tried to look busy by pouring himself a drink at his wet bar and placed it at his desk, and then went through a file labeled ‘urgent’ on his desktop. Since Sehun and Taewoon’s computer were synced to Jongin’s computer, he could go through whatever work they were doing, so long as they saved everything nicely. Jongin scrolled through 36 files in the urgent folder and realized that opening up a company certainly wasn’t easy, as Sehun had to read through quite a lot of things and edit the documents here and there. Most of the documents didn’t require Jongin’s signature yet, so it became clear why he never knew how much work went into opening a large factory in Guangzhou. There were the government officials they had to go through, then permits…

The phone rang. Jongin picked up and said hello in English just for fun.

“Er… May I speak to Mr. Kim?” Taewoon said uneasily. Jongin rolled his eyes. “Send him in.” He hung up, drumming his fingers on his glass desk impatiently.

He heard Taewoon say, “You can go through now,” before the door slid aside, revealing a nervous looking Kyungsoo. He still looked intimidated by Jongin’s office, but he squared his shoulders and walked in anyway, eyes landing on Jongin who pretended to read through the files on the computer like his life depended on it.

“Mister—Jongin,” Kyungsoo said hesitantly, the word coming out of his mouth like it was a pain to say Jongin’s name. He briefly glanced at Kyungsoo.

“Sit down, why don’t you?” Jongin said lightly. The window with Kyungsoo’s profile was still open, and he brought it up again, briefly reading over the words. Kyungsoo pulled up the seat and sat down, looking down at his hands.

“So… You live alone?” Jongin asked.

“…No. With a roommate,” Kyungsoo answered slowly, like he wasn’t expecting this line of questioning. Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo’s hands and saw ink stains on his fingers, dark blue streaked in lines and small words all over his fair skin. _He’s really working after all_ , Jongin thought.

“And how do you hide your bad habit from him?” Jongin asked.

“He knows about it,” Kyungsoo replied, not explaining any further. Jongin nodded at that and then finally shifted his gaze fully on Kyungsoo.

“If he knows then that means you don’t really hide it, do you?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “He’s very understanding and he doesn’t say anything about it so long as I don’t impose on him.” Ah. So it was a he, not a grandma.

“A he, hmm? Nothing special there, I’m assuming?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo met his gaze.

“Nothing but friendship,” he said steadily. Were they friends with benefits? Maybe the other guy was gay too…

“Remember what I said last time, about showing me all of your photos?” Jongin said, crossing his legs under the table. Kyungsoo nodded uncertainly and clenched his fingers. “Do you want your photos back after all?” he asked. He looked like a kid about to have his toy taken away from him.

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo’s lips. “No, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway. No, I don’t want to take them away but… I want to see them, Kyungsoo. All of them.”

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “W-Why?” he asked. 

“Because I can. And there’s no one else to look at all those photos you’ve taken the past three years… It’d be fascinating to see how much you’ve captured of me. I don’t know much about photography but I’m sure you learned a thing or two from snapping photos of me,” Jongin said, lifting an eyebrow.

Kyungsoo looked terribly embarrassed, and Jongin didn’t even blame him. It was probably a big step for him to show his subject of his obsession the evidence of his obsession. But he looked like he could handle it. If he could take Jongin’s prying questions the first time they were here, surely he could handle showing him the work he’s done since three years ago?

“I don’t—Can’t I just bring all of them?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding desperate. Maybe he wasn’t entirely ready to show all of the photos.

“And have you walk around with pictures of me? The entire building will know about you and I in minutes. No need to be bashful, Kyungsoo, just let me see them and then maybe I’ll leave you alone once and for all.”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth, and then closed it. He seemed to process Jongin’s request, and then slowly said, “I’ve never… shown anyone my photos, Jongin. They’re personal to me, and I know it’s weird to say this to you but it feels like showing you a very private part of me. You have to understand, I’ve never shown this to anyone, not even my roommate. He knows, but it doesn’t mean I let him come into my room—”

“So you keep the photos in the same room you sleep in?” Jongin quirked an eyebrow at him. Kyungsoo flushed.

“N-No, they’re in a small spare room. But that’s not the point. I’m not ready to show the photos to anyone, even if it’s you. Don’t take it personally, because I’ve never shown anyone the photos either so—”

“But the whole point of taking those photos has to be to show me one day. Maybe you always wanted me to see it without realizing. Maybe you took those photos as a way of expressing this… bad habit. You like me, I know that much and now, you’ve piqued my curiosity, Kyungsoo. I want to see your collection,” he lowered his voice huskily.

Kyungsoo shifted in his seat uncomfortably, not daring to meet Jongin’s gaze. He was nervous, but not flustered. _So he’s interested_? Jongin thought. It wasn’t hard to guess what Kyungsoo was feeling.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo suddenly said, face red. Jongin blinked in mild surprise.

“Fine?”

“Fine.”

“Is today good?” Jongin asked, pretending to click here and there on his computer to ‘check his schedule’. If there was a meeting he would’ve cancelled it anyway.

“Today is too sudden for me,” Kyungsoo replied uneasily. “Oh. Well then…” Jongin scrolled through his schedule. He was about to reschedule, and then suddenly wondered if Kyungsoo would hide away his favorite photos of him.

 _No_ , Jongin thought vehemently, biting his lower lip. _I want to see everything, every last photo_. It was the only way he could tell if Kyungsoo wanted him as badly as Jongin expected him to.

 _He has to be at least 70% interested_ , Jongin thought. That way, Jongin could push Kyungsoo into more without worrying if he actually wanted it or not.

“Terribly sorry, Kyungsoo, but…” Jongin pretended to sigh. “I’m fully booked till next month, and I want to see those photos now,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo scoffed for a moment, as if he knew luck wouldn’t be on his side. He looked away, staring into the distance of Seoul’s skyline.

“I’d never spoken to you before this, but I think I always knew you were this stubborn,” Kyungsoo said softly.

Jongin smiled. “A lot of people have said similar things, that’s true.” Kyungsoo looked wistful, rubbing the ink on his hands absently.

“I don’t know but… Maybe it’s what I always liked about you. You always get your way in the end, and I,” Kyungsoo sighed, “I give in because I can’t find it in myself to resist for very long.”

Jongin smirked at that, leaning into his seat. “Then don’t resist, Kyungsoo. Let me see those photos and maybe,” he lifted an eyebrow suggestively, “I’ll let you take as many photos of me as you want. In any position, any lighting, any kind of clothes,” Jongin gestured grandly. “You can snap away to your heart’s content.”

Kyungsoo looked at him, clearly tempted by the offer. Jongin thanked God that his father was an entrepreneur and that he must’ve somehow inherited his skills of talking people into doing what he wanted.

“You’d do that?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin nodded, resting his chin into the crook of his hand as he observed Kyungsoo closely with an eager smile.

“I would.”

*

Jongin took a nap in his office after Kyungsoo left. All the coffee he’d had during the day didn’t really work in the end, and he wanted to energize himself up for later. Besides, he thought he deserved his nap. It had been such a long day.

 When he woke up at the sound of his alarm from his phone, it was precisely five o’ clock. Everyone would probably be rushing out of the building now, signing off and heading to their cars or bus stops, ready to go home and rest for tomorrow. It was the first time Jongin had ever stayed till five since the day his father decided he should take over Accuretta Systems.

 _Life sure is full of surprises,_ Jongin thought blearily, turning off his alarm and lying back down in his seat. Sehun and Taewoon were probably packing up outside; he’d have to leave soon if he didn’t want to be locked up for the night.

He got out of his seat, messing the back of his head up in case his hair was flattened from sleeping for two hours straight. Stuffing his phone into his pocket, he shut down his computer and headed to the exit of his office.

Taewoon looked up at him when he came out of the office, arranging his things into his backpack. “Oh, sir, I was about to wake you up. Have a nice evening,” he said politely. Jongin smiled and nodded in silence. Sehun was still clicking at his computer, sighing as he shuffled through some papers and looked back up at his screen.

“Sehun, you leaving soon?” Jongin asked. Taewoon had finished packing up and bowed at Jongin. He gave Taewoon a little wave goodbye as he headed out.

“No, I’ve still got shit to go through. It’s just never ending sometimes,” he muttered, typing at the speed of light on his keyboard.

Jongin didn’t know what it was at that moment, the fatigue in Sehun’s eyes or his efficiency at his job but he thought, _Sehun doesn’t deserve this_. He was a great guy outside of work; wild, young and free. It wasn’t in Sehun’s nature to just sit in an office and stare at a computer screen all day long.

“Go home, Sehun, you can do all of this tomorrow,” Jongin said. Sehun glared up at him. “Half of this needs to be done by tomorrow. I can’t just wing it and come in and rush through of all this tomorrow—”

“It’s my work, right?” Jongin interrupted him. Sehun nodded. “At least a third of everything I’m doing right now is supposed to be done by you.”

“Then leave it, Sehun. People won’t exactly whine about me if ‘I’ hand in something a little late. No one’s gonna blame you for it, Sehun. Go home and watch Mad Men or something,” Jongin suggested.

“I’ve never been late on your behalf before,” Sehun replied, running a hand through his hair.

“There’s always a first time for everything,” Jongin said, smiling down at him. Sehun snorted at him, closing his eyes as he stretched his arms above him.

“There’s at least twenty files to correct and make sure there are no mistakes before I can declare them fit to be read by others,” Sehun said. Jongin shrugged.

“So what? Kim Jongin is busy all the time. And he doesn’t throw all his shit to his PA ‘cause he’s responsible like that,” Jongin said. Sehun tapped a finger on his keyboard, considering Jongin’s words.

“I guess handing all the stuff in a day late won’t hurt,” Sehun said carefully. Jongin nodded. “No, it won’t.”

Sehun laughed a little, then finally decided to shut down his computer, downing the rest of his lukewarm coffee beside him. “Guess I’m heading home then, huh?” he said. Jongin glanced towards the other side of the building. People were crowded around the elevator, waiting patiently to be taken down to the ground floor. Kyungsoo had promised he’d wait where Jongin first spotted him.

“What are you doing here at five anyway? I thought you’d leave sooner, but I lost track of time,” Sehun said, standing up wash his coffee mug in Jongin’s office at the wet bar.

“Waiting for Kyungsoo,” Jongin said nonchalantly. Sehun lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Kyungsoo?”

“The one and only.”

“Did he promise to hand in all of his stuff?” Sehun asked, entering Jongin’s office. Jongin didn’t follow him but instead stood by the sliding door in case Kyungsoo came out and wasn’t able to spot him.

“No, but actually I’m here, waiting for him to get off work so that I can drive him to wherever he lives and see if his stuff is worth taking away from him.”

“You can’t leave him alone, can you?” Sehun asked, his voice barely audible over the sound of the tap.

“Nope, and I’m doing what I think is suitable for this situation. It’s just some harmless poking around, and this is less aggressive anyway,” Jongin said, lying smoothly. Because Sehun wasn’t looking at him, he couldn’t tell Jongin was lying and just hummed in reply.

“I can’t tell you what to do but I’m sure you wouldn’t listen to me anyway,” Sehun said. At that moment, Kyungsoo appeared from the other side of the building, looking out for Jongin.

Jongin put a hand in the air to wave at him. Kyungsoo nodded at him and stood there on the opposite side of the building, waiting to meet Jongin halfway. “Look, I gotta go, Sehun,” Jongin said to Sehun, keeping his eye on Kyungsoo.

“He’s there already? Have fun then. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” Sehun said without turning around. _Yeah, Sehun probably wouldn’t kiss another guy_ , Jongin smiled to himself. He would probably punch the living lights out of him and then spit on him for extra measure. Sehun was most likely very secure in his sexuality, which was something Jongin couldn’t say about himself.

“I won’t. Bye,” Jongin called. Sehun waved without looking at him still, rearranging the bottles at the wet bar. Jongin shrugged and finally walked off to meet Kyungsoo, who was checking his watch nervously as he fingered the strap of his bag slung across his chest.

“Somewhere you need to be?” Jongin asked when he was close enough to speak to Kyungsoo.

“I haven’t told my roommate that you’re coming to our place. He’s going to want to be the perfect host regardless of why you’re there and he might buy dinner for us,” Kyungsoo said, “And I don’t know what kind of food you might like, so…”

“Anything is fine. I’m not really picky about my food,” Jongin replied easily. He motioned for Kyungsoo to follow him to his elevator since he wasn’t going to wait for the elevator with the other employees.

“Is… spicy rice cakes with you? Maybe he’s going to get fried chicken today, it’s his snack day,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“Fried chicken sounds excellent to me,” Jongin smiled. Usually he avoided oily food to take care of his skin, but he could make an exception for today.

“Oh. Okay then. I’ll uh, text him that you’re coming and that um, fried chicken is good,” Kyungsoo said nervously, digging his phone out of his bag. They reached Jongin’s elevator, and some of the employees noticed Kyungsoo with Jongin. He wanted to yell, _what are you guys staring at?_ But it was irrational to do so. No one apart from the VIPs of this building could enter that elevator so it shouldn’t have been a surprise to see people staring at them. Still.

He pressed a button for the elevator, and they both entered. Kyungsoo was typing out a message articulately to his roommate, possibly warning him that Kim Jongin of Accuretta Systems was going to stop by and have dinner with them. Jongin didn’t mind, so long as he could get what he wanted out of this.

Kyungsoo was silent as they slowly approached the ground floor. The doors opened just as he finished texting his roommate and put his phone away, trailing after Jongin quietly. They had agreed to take Jongin’s car for convenience and also for Jongin’s safety. Kyungsoo could still very well be Hannibal for all Jongin knew about his private life. He was trying to be careful as Sehun told him to be.

“You ever photograph me with my car before?” Jongin asked. He was proud of his Rolls Royce after all. It was a classy car and he loved it very much even though he wasn’t the one driving it around every day.

Kyungsoo shook his head.

“You should. My baby’s the best,” Jongin said, walking out on the street. He dialed his driver, and he said he’d be out of the car park in three minutes. Cars were already starting to jam up the streets, the smell of exhaust thick and heavy in the air. Jongin and Kyungsoo stood together, although not closely, enough space for people to doubt if they were waiting for their transport together.

“Traffic is terrible,” Jongin commented. He knew that talking about traffic, politics and the weather were the three things one should avoid when on a date but it was _really_ bad. He’d never seen so many cars out on the street before, or so many people by the bus stop waiting for their respective rides.

“You’ve never seen this kind of traffic before?” Kyungsoo asked, half smiling in disbelief. Jongin shrugged.

“Heard of it. I’ve never seen or experienced it either, not until today. Looks miserable, if you ask me,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo looked around like it was his first time standing on this side of the street.

“I suppose it is miserable if you’re caught in traffic. But it’s beautiful in its own way,” Kyungsoo paused as if he’d just said something he wasn’t supposed to. Jongin turned towards him, motioning for him to go on.

“I’m listening.”

Kyungsoo looked down at his scuffled shoes, chewing his bottom lip. “I don’t think you’d want to listen to the philosophy behind a traffic jam,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin pretended to look affronted. “I beg your pardon, because I have nothing better to listen to than the sound of horns blaring and wheezing engines. And anyway, I expect a photographer to have his own reasons for thinking traffic is beautiful. Go on,” Jongin insisted. Now that Kyungsoo brought it up, he couldn’t just sweep it under the rug.

Kyungsoo waited for what felt like ten years just to finally open his mouth and say something. Jongin wasn’t sure if this was what it was like for every single photographer out there to explain the beauty behind mediocre things ‘normal people’ took for granted, but Kyungsoo sure was nervous when he spoke.

“I like how everyone’s rushing somewhere, anywhere from home to dinner to a special someone’s place for their anniversary or some other special occasion. It’s just beautiful to think that almost every working citizen in this moment is in a hurry, all of us synchronized and yet still our own individuals,” Kyungsoo said softly. Jongin could hardly hear what he was saying from all the white noise around them, but he caught enough of it to realize that Kyungsoo was a bit more melodramatic than he thought.

“I know it’s dumb,” Kyungsoo added, looking away from Jongin’s direction. Jongin blinked at the remark. It seemed to sting a little bit, the honesty and the way Kyungsoo made no effort to point it out. It wasn’t dumb. It was just Kyungsoo.

“No, it wasn’t. Don’t demean yourself like that. I wanted to hear your thoughts on daily traffic and that was all,” Jongin said seriously.

Kyungsoo looked up at him, eyebrow slightly lifted in surprise. “I didn’t expect you to… to—Well—”

“To defend you against yourself? Well, I’m just full of surprises, aren’t I?” Jongin smiled. As if on cue, his car approached them in all its pearly white glory. The driver stopped right in front of Jongin, and he got out to open the door for Jongin.

The rest of the people in their vehicles were either in awe of the Rolls Royce or could not believe that Jongin’s driver had the nerve to get down and hold their back door open for them when the roads were already congested enough. Nobody seemed to want to blast their horns at them, and Jongin wondered if that many people could recognize him. He wasn’t all that famous…

Jongin got in and mentioned to the driver that they were going somewhere new today with Kyungsoo. His driver was an older guy, probably in his forties and didn’t really have a lot of things to say. He just nodded at what Jongin said and bowed at Kyungsoo, who bowed back hurriedly like it was a crime not to bow back in greeting.

“Can you tell my driver how to get to your place?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded silently.

He got into the back seat with Jongin and sat with his legs pressed together like he was afraid to take up more space than necessary. The door closed behind them after they got in, and Kyungsoo looked positively terrified now that he was well and truly on his way to showing Jongin all of his photos. Jongin was feeling nonchalant about it all; maybe it hadn’t hit him yet. He just hoped he could provide the right reaction accordingly when he saw the photos. Wouldn’t do to smile at his own photos or something like that.

 _Actually that would be sort of funny_ , Jongin thought, snorting to himself and pretending to dig for his phone to hide his smile.

“Where to, sir?” Jongin’s driver asked from the front. Jongin motioned with his head to Kyungsoo to give him the directions to his place. He gave a few brief words on which direction to head to and then said it should only take about a half hour to reach his home if traffic would let up soon.

“I usually take the bus and sometimes it take forty minutes just to get home but maybe today won’t be too bad,” Kyungsoo blathered, more to reassure himself than Jongin.

Jongin was content to sit in the car where it was warm and cozy until they reached Kyungsoo’s place.

“So you don’t have your own car?” Jongin asked conversationally.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I have my license but I don’t have the money for a car.” Jongin was the complete opposite. He couldn’t find the time and the motivation to go for driver’s ed classes but he already had two or three cars registered under his father’s name assigned to him to use whenever he pleased.

“What car do you think you’ll get?” Jongin asked.

“A local make, probably. Second hand, most likely. Fresh ones are just out of budget,” Kyungsoo muttered, looking out of the window as the car pulled away from the sidewalk. The windows were tinted so that no one could look in, but there were people who stared at the windows anyway, hoping to catch sight of the big shot in the Rolls Royce.

“Tell me about your roommate, the one who shares nothing but friendship with you,” Jongin asked, watching Kyungsoo look out of the window like it was a new world.

“You’ve been asking an awful lot of questions,” Kyungsoo remarked distractedly. Jongin tipped his head to one side and smiled to himself. Did Kyungsoo want to know more about him? He’d thought that Kyungsoo knew all there was to know about Jongin.

“Well, you can ask me stuff too if you want,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo whipped his head around in surprise. “I. I don’t have a lot of questions and besides, I have no right to ask you anyway,” Kyungsoo said. “I didn’t think I said that particular comment out loud, I just… it was just a thought,” Kyungsoo quickly said, red tinting his cheeks. He shot a nervous glance at Jongin’s driver to see if he was listening in.

Jongin chuckled. “Just ask me whatever you want. And don’t mind him, this isn’t the first time he’ll have heard about my personal life. I’m sure I won’t be as fascinating once you’re done, but go ahead.”

Kyungsoo cleared his throat, turning in his seat to face Jongin properly. “Um… Okay then. When did—” he stopped like he wasn’t sure about his question and then continued, “What made you want to take over Accuretta Systems three years ago?”

Jongin was slightly disappointed that he was going for the most basic question, but decided to answer him honestly rather than give him the usual crap Jongin would give to a reporter or an interviewer on TV. They knew too much (and yet too little) of each other to even think about selling one another out now.

“I never wanted to take over the company. My dad wanted me to do something with my life and made me take the company just so he could start another one overseas,” Jongin shrugged. Kyungsoo made an _oh_ with his mouth, like it completely threw him off.

“You mean… this isn’t your dream?”

“Nope. Told you I wouldn’t be as exciting to know once you get down and dirty.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, I just… I thought you were ambitious and arrogant enough to think that you could handle your dad’s company. Not that you couldn’t, you probably could if you want to—” Kyungsoo started to say, but Jongin cut him off.

“To have a great title like CEO sounds great, but honestly, it’s a hassle, especially since this isn’t something I want. But family is family and I can’t really say no to my dad. Besides, I haven’t found anything more interesting to do, so.”

Kyungsoo listened carefully and took in each word with concentration. He seemed genuinely surprised but still interested to know more.

“Then do you think you’re ready to take over your father’s empire?” Kyungsoo asked. It was more or less the same kind of question magazine interviewers asked Jongin, and he always gave the same answer that Sehun had written for him, but this was an unscripted situation where Jongin had to either make do with whatever came to him or spill the truth. He much preferred the latter; it wasn’t in him to lie all the time.

“I don’t know. My father says you never know when you can be a good leader until you’re forced to be one. I guess he’s throwing me in the deep end, and for now I’m swimming fine but maybe I’ll drown one day. I’ll go down like a light falling into a deep tunnel and after that no one will ever bother about me,” Jongin shrugged.

Kyungsoo asked him a few more questions, and Jongin answered all of them truthfully, surprising Kyungsoo with most of his replies, but he wasn’t going to regret telling the truth. He didn’t want to lie to someone like Kyungsoo.

After about five questions, Kyungsoo tapped the driver on the shoulder and told him to make a few turns. Jongin’s driver took a guess at Kyungsoo’s area, and Kyungsoo said yes, that was where he lived. His driver told him that he was familiar with where they were supposed to go, so Kyungsoo sat back down in his seat quietly, looking out of the window to see where they were headed.

“You haven’t answered my question yet, you know,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo blinked in confusion. “What question?”

“About your roommate.”

Comprehension dawned on Kyungsoo and he nodded, exhaling through his mouth loudly. “Right, the roommate. Well, what do you want to know about him?”

“Anything. His name, how you knew him…” Jongin trailed off. He loved watching Kyungsoo’s mouth move, and the sound of his voice. It had such a lovely timbre and _sound_ to it, the Do Kyungsoo sound. Jongin felt sure he could recognize Kyungsoo’s voice anywhere now that he was listening to it in such an enclosed space.

“How I knew him? It’s boring, you don’t want to know,” Kyungsoo said, picking at some lint on his pants.

“Boring is you leaving me hanging when I’m curious. I’ll decide if it’s boring,” Jongin said, crossing his legs. Kyungsoo bit his lip, looking up at the driver.

“It’s—I don’t think I can tell you if… if someone else is here, whether or not he’s listening,” Kyungsoo said softly.

“Tell me when we’re at your place then,” Jongin said. The car made a sharp turn into an unfamiliar neighborhood. It was a part of Seoul Jongin was sure he’d never seen before, not in the twenty seven years he’d lived in this country.

The houses were kind of cramped together on either sides of the street, the road was rather bumpy as his driver slowed down to avoid damaging the car and the cars in the area certainly weren’t expensive, foreign made cars. _So this is what the other side of the coin looks like_ , Jongin thought.

“Careful when you turn to the right,” Kyungsoo said to the driver. “There has been a number of accidents at that corner.”

 _No one’s going to come out alive if they’re crashing my baby_ , Jongin thought. He’d sue everyone possible if he couldn’t go home in his Rolls Royce without smashing it to pieces. His driver maneuvered a drab colored wall carefully, managing to scrape by without scratching the Rolls Royce. Jongin felt like he couldn’t breathe from the breathless way his driver was driving.

Kyungsoo noticed the way he was holding his breath as they moved through the neighborhood. “Don’t worry, no one’s going to steal your ride,” he smiled, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was probably thinking that Jongin was judging his area, and he tried to keep his voice light as he replied, “I know, I wasn’t thinking about that. Just wondering how you get out of this neighborhood if you don’t have a car. Do you walk?” Jongin asked offhandedly.

He couldn’t remember where he last saw a bus stop, but he supposed there was one nearby.

“Yeah, I walk about ten minutes out to the main road and wait for a bus. Owning a car would be a problem if I was still living here anyway,” Kyungsoo said, sounding slightly relieved that Jongin wasn’t completely checking everything out in utter distaste. Walking in this area in the early hours of the morning and the darkness of the evening seemed like a daunting task to Jongin.

“This is the road, sir. Which house do I stop at?” the driver said.

“At 52, on this side of the street. I’ll tell you when to stop,” Kyungsoo said, pointing to the left side of the street.

The houses here only had one floor, and the driveways were far too small to fit the Rolls Royce, so Jongin was trying to figure out where his driver should park his precious car. Some cars were parked up on the sidewalk to avoid blocking the road, but Jongin would prefer it if his driver didn’t do that. _Maybe I should just send him away and tell him to pick me up once I’m done here,_ Jongin thought.

“Here it is,” Kyungsoo said. His driver stopped to let them get down, and Jongin said, “Why don’t you wait till I call you again? I’ll call you when I’m ready to go home.”

“As you wish, sir.”

Kyungsoo had gotten down and leaned down, about to tell the driver to park the car somewhere but Jongin stopped him. “I’m afraid of what might happen to my baby if he parks like this, so he’ll come when I call him,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo shut up, and stared at Jongin.

“He can have dinner that way, and he won’t be bored with waiting for me,” Jongin added. Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it and just said okay.

Jongin got down, shutting the door behind him as he looked around the area. There were other cars driving up and down the road and middle aged women tending to their gardens. It looked like the kind of neighborhood where everyone knew each other and probably gossiped about their neighbors whenever there was a fight or a significant change to the neighbor’s home. It wasn’t exactly the area Jongin pictured Kyungsoo would be living in but it fitted nicely anyway.

“So,” Kyungsoo started nervously. “Here we are.”

 


	5. it's not that I'm in love, I just want you to do me no good (you look like you could)

“Here we are indeed,” Jongin said, turning around to look at the house Kyungsoo supposedly live in. It _was_ on a hill as he had checked, but he didn’t see any street signs to tell him where he was. Kyungsoo had a bunch of keys in his hand and shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously, looking around like he wasn’t sure about letting Jongin into his place.

“Can you promise that if you’re a serial killer, you’ll make my death easy?” Jongin asked to lighten the mood. Kyungsoo stopped fidgeting when he spoke, and laughed nervously.

“I’ll mail your body back to the office if you want too,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin nodded. “That would be preferable, yes. Is this the one?” Jongin asked, pointing at the rusty metal gates in front of him. The gates obscured Jongin’s view of looking into Kyungsoo’s place, what with its top to bottom cover up and high walls around the house.

“Yep. Come in then,” Kyungsoo said, moving to unlock the gates. He pushed one of the gates aside for Jongin to enter, so Jongin walked in first, unsure of what to expect.

The front yard of Kyungsoo’s home was small, about as large as Jongin’s bathroom. There was a two by two meter wooden platform built under a large persimmon tree and a clothesline hanging from the window on Jongin’s left reaching across the yard and tied onto one of the branches of the tree.

The house looked like a traditional Korean home from the late nineties maybe, with its wooden floors and pale, green walls. It was shaped like an L, stretching out on Jongin’s left and ending in front of him at about ten feet from where he stood. Quaint, frosted glass windows were set into the walls to provide a sense of wider space, Jongin supposed. It was homey if one liked to live in tiny spaces, but Jongin rather liked his large two bedroom apartment. Kyungsoo’s home was… pitiful.

Kyungsoo came in after Jongin with some mail in his hands, closing the gate after himself and locking it up. “Here, take off your shoes and come in,” Kyungsoo said, moving past him to get the door.

The traditional sliding door (Jongin didn’t know people still lived in houses with doors made of paper and wood) clashed with the green walls, and Jongin knew Chanyeol would think it was an atrocity to live in a house like this, with all its copy and paste characteristics but luckily, Jongin wasn’t the kind to run his mouth without filtering his words.

Kyungsoo took off his shoes and placed them in a shoe cupboard, leaving it open for Jongin. He went into the house first, bustling about. A small traditional dining table was visible from where Jongin stood to kick off his shoes, and he saw a loaf of bread sitting on the table as well as cushions on the ground to sit by the table. There were only two cushions, so Jongin could see that Kyungsoo was telling the truth about his roommate.

Jongin entered the house, taking in the sights. On his right, a tiny kitchen and a door possibly leading to the side of the house. On his left, there was a coat hanger with an assortment of clothes hanging from it as well as a few empty sling bags. Next to the dining table, directly ahead of Jongin where the house bent to the left was a TV, looking surprisingly modern and expensive.

Kyungsoo appeared from around the corner, dressed in a simple tee instead of his usual office shirt. “You want something to drink?” he asked.

“Sure,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo brushed past him to get him his drink. “I know it’s not much but it’s enough,” Kyungsoo said as he walked away.

“What is?” Jongin asked. He took a step forward to observe a few photos hung on a wall. Jongin squinted to see who were the people in the photos and saw Kyungsoo in one or two of them. The pictures were mostly taken at parties or right in this place, by the TV with a few others. There was one guy who appeared in all of the photos. He had black hair sometimes or blonde or even pink hair sometimes, but he looked close enough to Kyungsoo to be in so many photos.

“My place,” Kyungsoo said from the kitchen. “You want tea, Coke, water?”

“Iced water is fine. And I’m not a real estate agent so my thoughts on your place are irrelevant.” Not that there were any thoughts of his place worth voicing. It was an unassuming humble abode, and that was all. Jongin was about to turn away when he saw a photo of Baekhyun on the wall, his arm slung around Kyungsoo’s neck as he made a feisty expression while Kyungsoo cowered behind him _._

_I thought they weren’t that close?_

“The guy with pink hair is my roommate,” Kyungsoo said to him, opening the fridge to get ice. Jongin looked for the guy in the photos again and hummed in appreciation.

“What’s a wild looking guy like him living in a place like this? No offense, of course,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo laughed. “He doesn’t save up, that’s why.”

 _And you must’ve spent five months’ worth of your income just to get yourself that long distance camera_ , Jongin thought. Suho had a thing for cameras too (but not photography), and Jongin had picked up a thing or two about cameras. He knew Kyungsoo’s camera wasn’t cheap, at least.

“So you live with him long?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo padded over to him, handing him his iced water. Jongin murmured a thank you and sipped at it, waiting for his answer.

“I’ve been living with him ever since I came to Seoul to work,” Kyungsoo replied.

“And that was how long ago?”

“Four, maybe five years ago. He found this place and wanted to split the rent equally so I agreed. The rooms are small and the hot water is only warm sometimes, but it’s good enough for the both of us,” Kyungsoo shrugged.

“Hmm. And you both met under what sort of circumstances?” Jongin asked slyly. Perhaps they met at a bar, or at a club where Kyungsoo once went for fun and found a friend in this pink haired dude.

“I met Luhan at a job interview, actually,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?” An interview for a host club, maybe? Some people who were desperate enough for money sold their bodies in the sex trade sometimes. Luhan looked like the kind who’d be up for that.

“We met when I was waiting to be called for an interview at your building,” Kyungsoo said. This was surprising to here, and Jongin’s expression said as much.

“He only had pink hair when he first came,” Kyungsoo smiled gently. “He still wishes he could have that hair _and_ a proper job, though.” Proper job. _So that means he’s not working at Accuretta,_ Jongin thought.  

“He wanted the same job that I came in for, and he asked me if they’d take him in with his pink hair. I asked him if he was serious, and we’ve been friends ever since,” Kyungsoo said, placing a hand over a picture of Luhan and himself sitting together at a party. Obviously, there were good memories associated with Luhan.

“If that’s how you met then why were you so afraid to tell me in the car?” Jongin asked.

“He’s not working at your building, obviously. And you’ll inevitably ask me where he’s working and I can’t think of a way to lie to you and have him come home without contradicting my words.”

“Tell me,” Jongin said, shaking his glass to listen to the sound of ice clinking against the glass. Kyungsoo sighed, looking up at him.

“I suppose I can’t hide it for very long. His job isn’t exactly legal, so I hope you’ll keep this to yourself…”

“Half of the things I do after six are illegal,” Jongin said suggestively. Kyungsoo blushed, dropping his gaze to his feet. Jongin waited for a few seconds before Kyungsoo spoke up.

“He’s working for a loan shark,” Kyungsoo whispered softly.

Jongin almost dropped his glass of water in amazement. A _loan shark_? He looked at the pictures of Luhan again. There was nothing to indicate _loan shark_ in his photos. Luhan looked like he was about Jongin’s age, looked like the kind who could party the night away and most of all, did not have any tattoos. Loan sharks have tattoos at some point, and his sleeveless tops revealed nothing but alabaster skin.

“I know what you’re thinking. He’s from Beijing and he needed to earn money for his parents back home at the time. He’s not the kind who beats people up or anything like that. He’s actually the accountant for the head of the loan shark operation. They don’t make him do or see any of the dirty work so long as he counts the money right and banks everything in to the right account,” Kyungsoo explained.

“You mean they don’t put him through the criminal acts as long as he doesn’t fuck up,” Jongin said dryly. “And he does all this just so he can keep his pink hair?” Jongin asked.

“Well, the pay is pretty good so he changed his hair colour right away… He can’t find another job that pays just as good, so he’s stuck in a way,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin snorted. “Maybe he should let go of his pride and just get a proper job?”

Kyungsoo stilled at that. Jongin sipped at his iced water, looking away from the photos. “Accountants don’t get very good pay and you have to work long hours… Luhan prefers to work flexible hours and I let him be. He pays rent and buys me food all the time so I don’t say anything about his job.”

Jongin decided to let it go. Luhan’s life wasn’t his business, though Jongin thought Luhan was acting like a little bitch. What good would a big fat salary do if the cops caught him one day? Then he’d never get another job again, and it would be the end of his life before he was even in his thirties.

“I won’t comment. Why don’t you show me your photos instead, and put Luhan’s job out of my mind?” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo looked relieved to be off the subject of his roommate’s affairs and moved away to lead Jongin down the small hallway. “Right this way,” he said. Jongin walked past a plastic door, so he guessed it was probably the bathroom. Kyungsoo tapped on a door as he walked.

“This is Luhan’s room. At that end, it’s my room and this room is…” he trailed off. The door opposite of Luhan’s room looked just like the rest of the house, unassuming and plain. _But the inside…_ Jongin smirked. He couldn’t wait to see the inside of the room already.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip. “It’s a spare room, so it’s not that big, and um. It’s where I keep everything,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin shrugged. “I’m waiting. Any moment you’re ready,” Jongin motioned to the door. He drank the rest of his iced water, holding the wet, cold glass in one hand. Kyungsoo placed a hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath.

Then he twisted it in his hand, pushing the door inwards.

The light wasn’t very bright in the room but Jongin went in anyway, looking around in half darkness. There were small photos criss-crossing on a string above his head and a desk pushed up against the wall. On it were magazines, a small plastic box and the camera Jongin knew Kyungsoo had brought along to London that day. No doubt the magazines were the ones where Jongin had made appearances or interviews. Kyungsoo entered the room as well, switching on a light.

That was when the full force of the room hit him.

All of the Polaroid photos up in the air were of him, first of all. The ones by his head were mostly photos of him at private events, such as his birthday party or when he went out clubbing with Chanyeol and Suho. The paparazzi didn’t even know about half of these events, how did Kyungsoo even know where to find him?

On the walls there were more photos, mostly the same events but taken from different angles. He couldn’t even tell what color the wall was, it was completely plastered from ceiling to the floor with hundreds of photos. At the desk, the magazines were as he predicted. Every issue of Harper’s Bazaar or Vogue with a feature of Kim Jongin, Kyungsoo had it. Even the ones where he appeared in the tabloids for stupid rumors, Kyungsoo had them.

To finish everything off, by his left stood a large canvas image of himself walking on the street. It was almost life sized and the entire image captured him from head to foot. He was walking by the side of some street he couldn’t recognize and had his hair all messed up, hands tucked into his pockets.

“I can’t even remember when this was,” Jongin said flatly, looking at the poster. Kyungsoo pointed at the bottom right corner of the poster.

“It says June 26th 2014\. You were at a party, I was waiting for quite some time outside, and then you came out…” Kyungsoo said. His lips were practically white as he waited for Jongin to say something else about the poster.

“It’s a lot like a teenage girl’s bedroom, wouldn’t you say?” Jongin asked after a moment of silence.

Kyungsoo swallowed the lump in his throat and shrugged. “Maybe. I haven’t um… There’re still a few more photos in my bedroom that I didn’t put up. Would you like to see them as well?”

Jongin nodded. “Why are they in your room? A secret stash just in case you need to clear this room out?” he asked. Kyungsoo blushed.

“No, I’ve been meaning to label them and put them up on a board. The desk here is too small so I usually do everything in my room instead.”

“Can I come and see?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo shrugged, hands trembling. “I guess.”

So they left the room and went into Kyungsoo’s room. It was very clean for someone who couldn’t afford a maid, from the perfectly made bed and the computer sitting on a larger study table across the bed. There was not a speck of dust to be found.

When Jongin came closer to the desk, he saw at least fifty photos of himself littering the desk, most of them with a bit of writing on it. He picked up one of himself at a boutique, choosing clothes with Chanyeol in the background. Neat writing accompanied the photo beside his face: ‘ _2013/5/3 Shopping in Hongdae. Love his hair_.’

Another said, ‘ _2012/4/12 Lunch with friends. New coat, and it looks so good on him as usual_.’

Jongin read through a few more, looking into the past at a glance. The photos all sported a short comment written in Kyungsoo’s hand, commenting on his new shoes or new hairstyle or the way his jeans looked really good on him… Kyungsoo watched him reading the comments, blushing the entire time, but he didn’t make any attempt to hide it.

“I notice most of these are photos of one event at one time, rather than a series of photos from the same day. Are they your personal favorite or something?”

Kyungsoo nodded, searching through a few and putting away the ones without any comment yet. He picked one up and held it out to Jongin silently.

Jongin took the photo. It said, ‘ _2015/3/12 In the building before eleven. Saw me_.’ The photo was of Jongin staring right at the camera for the first time in any of these photos, from that fateful day Jongin came in too fucking early for a meeting. He smiled.

“So you like this photo best?” he asked. Kyungsoo shrugged like a petulant child.

“I think you do like it best, otherwise you wouldn’t have had this printed out. Tell me, do you ever regret taking this photo of me that day?” Jongin asked, holding the photo out to him and blinking innocently.

“Of course not. It’s hard to get you to look at the camera without revealing myself. I just wanted a photo of you since it was the first time I’d seen you after about a week and...” he shrugged eloquently.

Jongin smirked. “Well, you’ve shown me all this. I promise I’ll look in the camera next time you want to take a photo of me, okay?” He placed the photo down on the desk among the rest.

“You don’t have to do that,” Kyungsoo muttered. Jongin gave him a solemn look. “But I want to.”

“Why? To see what it feels like, being photographed by someone who’s been watching you for years?” Kyungsoo snapped bitterly. It surprised Jongin; he didn’t think he would be so vehement about it. 

“To see what it feels like to be seen through the eyes of another,” Jongin corrected him. “I’ve never wanted to, but you’ve got me curious. Can’t you indulge me by taking just a few photos?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No. No, I think it’s just too personal to just take photos of you when you know I’m there. I-It creeps me out just to think about it—”

“Hey, it’s a new experience for me too. I’ve never confronted a stalker before and somehow end up at his place, looking through all the photos he’s ever taken on,” Jongin said, trying to adopt a lighter tone to calm Kyungsoo down just a little bit. He wasn’t very cooperative when he was worked up.

His tone didn’t seem to work. In fact, Kyungsoo looked even more agitated than a second ago. “It was a terrible idea to have brought you here. I, I can’t believe I let you see all those photos. You must think I’m a freak or something now, and you’re just trying to play along so that I won’t like, attack you—”

Jongin put down his empty glass and took Kyungsoo by the shoulders firmly, shutting him up by rattling him just enough to surprise him.

“Kyungsoo, listen to me. I am _not_ playing along, I am trying to get to know you. _You_ are the one freaking out now when _I’m_ the one with his face all over a spare bedroom so why don’t you just grab this cup,” Jongin released him and picked the glass up to put it in Kyungsoo’s hand, “and wash it.

“Go to the kitchen, wash it up and make it real clean and spotless. You think about photographing me while you’re at it, and when you come back you’ll be calm and ready to present an answer without having a mental breakdown.”

Jongin pushed him gently into the direction of the door. Kyungsoo made a sound of despair in his throat, turning around to look at him pitifully.

“ _Go_.”

Kyungsoo turned around to leave as Jongin told him to. Jongin sighed in exasperation.

He knew Kyungsoo wanted him that way, so why was he even pretending to resist? Jongin could admit that he was totally coming onto Kyungsoo now, but why would Kyungsoo say no to taking photos? _Maybe he’s afraid of what might or might not happen_ , Jongin thought, laying his hand heavily on the desk. The drawers jolted.

Out of absent curiosity, Jongin shook the desk just a little, and found that the contents of the drawers were moving around noisily. Hmm, what could it be? Jongin thought in a sing-song tone to himself.

Without really thinking about it, he pulled open the first drawer. He looked down at the contents, first not comprehending what he was looking at and then realizing what they were. _Oh ho…_

Reaching into the drawer, he lifted a pair of handcuffs, examining them. They were made of metal and looked like the kind the cops would use. _Well, well, well_ , he thought, smirking to himself. What else could Kyungsoo be hiding?

He rummaged through the contents, spotting a pair of nipple clamps, a bit of rope and a small vibrator. He switched it on to see if it had batteries, and the vibrator started to buzz in his hand. _Does he use this at night when he thinks of me?_ Jongin thought with a smile. He turned it off, placing it back into the drawer and then holding up a flogger among other unrecognizable sex toys. “Wow,” he said to himself. This was certainly a new side of Kyungsoo.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Jongin turned around, caressing the flogger around his neck. It felt quite nice actually, stiff and unyielding. Probably leather, he noted dimly. “Something you wanna share with me?”

Kyungsoo’s face turned red so fast Jongin thought he’d turn into the Hulk. He crossed the distance between in three large steps and snatched the flogger away from Jongin’s hands, shoving it into the drawer of secrets and shutting it with a hard push.

“Christ, Jongin, don’t you know how to respect other people’s privacy?” Kyungsoo snapped, looking up at Jongin angrily.

“The irony,” Jongin said dryly.

“That’s different,” Kyungsoo very nearly shouted, probably agitated beyond reason now. Jongin cocked his head to the left, waiting for Kyungsoo to explain how it _was_ different.

“Why would you go through my drawers? I’ve shown you all your photos, isn’t that humiliating enough?” Kyungsoo asked, tears pooling in his eyes. Jongin didn’t expect him to cry, but thought that maybe he _should_ have expected it. It was a little cute to see him cry, like a child crying after being taken away from the playground. Or like watching a bug trying to turn itself over on its back.

“Do you use those things on someone? Or maybe the other way around?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo wiped at his tears angrily, sitting on his bed.

“Oh my God, Jongin, just go away. _Please_. All I’ve ever done since I’ve spoken to you is cry and I’m so fucking tired of it,” Kyungsoo sighed, putting his face into his hands. Jongin sat down beside him, ignoring what he just said. He couldn’t actually go away. He still needed to wait a few minutes if he was going to have to call his driver.

“Why would you cry over the fact that I stumbled onto your kinky collection? I’ve been around the block, Kyungsoo, it’s not the first time I’ve seen those things,” he said, trying to get him to stop crying. He was sobbing into his hands now, making soft, sad noises. Jongin thought it probably wasn’t a good time to mention that he would just _love_ to use those nipple clamps on Kyungsoo. _Maybe later_ , he thought.

Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s hand away from his face, lifting his face up with his hand. Kyungsoo refused to look at him stubbornly, probably from the shame and shock of revealing another secret. His lips looked swollen and a little redder than it usually was from his tears. Jongin smiled. He looked irresistibly cute like this. It was exactly like the bug metaphor. Kyungsoo didn’t have to cry or resist all the time; he was only really fighting himself in the end.

“Look, Kyungsoo. Do you know why I came here?”

Kyungsoo coughed, sniffling as he ignored Jongin.

Jongin went on. “I came because I was interested in more than just my photos. I came because… I don’t think you’re a freak or a weirdo for following me around for the past three years. Frankly if you think about it, it’s kind of admirable.” Kyungsoo glanced up at him. \

“But I digress, Kyungsoo. You see, your _predilection_ has only served to ignite one of my own. Or at least, the start of one. Won’t you, really, just indulge me a few photos and see where this all might lead?” Jongin asked, lowering his voice. Kyungsoo blinked his pretty eyes, biting his lower lip. Jongin used his thumb to touch the soft flesh of his chin, feel the warmth emanating from his skin.

Kyungsoo lowered his eyes. “You’re lying.”

“Lying?” Jongin echoed.

“You don’t want to know where this leads. You just want to mock me and my—my tendencies, my bad habits, the worst parts of me and just throw me aside. I know guys like you, Jongin, and there’s a good reason why I stayed away from you.”

“But you’re intrigued, no? You want to know what it feels like to be with someone like me, as you claim. And although I admit I was undecided when I first found out about you, I’m here now, aren’t I? And so are you. Don’t lie to me and say you don’t want this.” Something about what Kyungsoo just said clicked in Jongin’s head, and he went on, “You were the boy Baekhyun talked about, aren’t you?”

“What boy?” Kyungsoo frowned.

“A boy whom he saved at an all boys school from bullies. It was you, wasn’t it, about to commit suicide because you couldn’t stand being bullied?” Jongin said. Kyungsoo twisted away from him, pressing his cheeks together.

“So what?” he muttered.

“ _So_ , you’re afraid of who you are and what other people might do when they see this side of you. But you don’t understand, Kyungsoo, I’m not here to mock you. I’m here because it’s a new experience for me and I’m open to… new sensations and feelings. Don’t push me away, Kyungsoo, open yourself to me and see if you like it first,” Jongin said, coaxing him out of his fit of self loathing and sadness.

 “You’re _straight_. I’m not stupid, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said.

“People change. I have a good reason for testing my limits, and that’s you. You’re gay, so why are you resisting your basic instinct? Maybe I’m gay too, only I’ve never found someone attractive enough till you came along.”

Kyungsoo gave him a withering look that said he sounded too insincere to mean those words. “Come on, I mean what I say. You’re not ugly, Kyungsoo. I like your lips, for example, and the way you try to steel yourself around me even though we both know you melt at the sight of me,” Jongin said, moving his hand to the back of Kyungsoo’s neck. He inched closer, waiting for Kyungsoo to say something.

“Are you always this charming?” Kyungsoo asked, voice a little stuffy from crying.

“Mm, always. Ask Sehun or I could persuade you to believe me. Shall I persuade you?” Jongin replied.

“N-No, I don’t think I want—”

“I will anyway, just to be clear. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, Kyungsoo, or a commitment. All I’m asking is a photographing session entirely for your benefit and maybe,” Jongin leaned in closer, mouth hovering over Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Maybe one more kiss.”

Jongin touched his lips to Kyungsoo’s and tentatively moved against his jaw, waiting for him to resist. Instead, Kyungsoo tried to kiss back like a naïve schoolboy, and Jongin led him gently by slipping out the tip of his tongue to lick at his lips. Kyungsoo’s mouth was salty from his tears and a little dry, but it wasn’t something Jongin couldn’t handle. He much preferred the natural taste of Kyungsoo to Jiyoung’s strawberry mouth. Jiyoung tasted saccharine at best, but Kyungsoo’s mouth was divine.

Kyungsoo placed a hand on Jongin’s shoulder, kissing back with some effort. Jongin hummed into his mouth, prying his pretty little mouth open to taste his tongue. Kyungsoo gave a breathy moan, fingers squeezing Jongin’s shoulder tightly.

He pulled away with a wet sound, breathing heavily. “I… Air…” he panted. Jongin smiled blandly, brushing his hair away from his face.

“Do you make people gag you and tie up, Kyungsoo, or do you perhaps, like it the other way around?” Jongin asked huskily. Kyungsoo’s wet lashes brushed his cheeks delicately as he looked down in his lap.

“I…”

“Be honest.”

“I’ve never done it but… I’ve always wanted it to be the other way around.”

“Oh?” Jongin remarked, trying to look at Kyungsoo’s face. It was certainly a revelation. Jongin never knew Kyungsoo had it in him, would never have guessed had he not looked through that drawer.

“Have you always imagined it to be me?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment before he gave a brief nod, his red face turning even redder. _He’s a walking tomato now_ , Jongin thought. But a cute tomato. He was going to have to give Kyungsoo a cute nickname soon, if this was the start of something.

“I’d love to try everything in that drawer, Kyungsoo, but only if you let me. Only if you consent to letting me in instead of arguing and fighting me all the time. Cease the fight, Kyungsoo,” Jongin whispered.

He was so close to Kyungsoo, close enough to steal another kiss from his sweet mouth. _An angel_ , Jongin thought, _he_ must _be an angel_. How could anyone still be so naïve and untouched in this world? He’d caught an angel like a fragile butterfly in his net and he wasn’t going to let go, even if Kyungsoo thought he wanted to be a cage. Someone had to open the door for him; Jongin didn’t mind being the one to do it.

A horn suddenly blared from outside, jerking them from their thoughts.

Kyungsoo quickly stood up. “It’s Luhan,” he gulped. Jongin could hear the sound of a car engine turning off from outside.

“Does he know I’m here?” Jongin asked.

“He doesn’t know it’s you, um… I didn’t know if he’d believe me,” Kyungsoo said somewhat apologetically. Jongin shrugged, running a hand through his hair.

“He’ll believe it when he sees me then. Shall we?” Jongin said, motioning to the door. Kyungsoo moved first then hesitated, placing a hand on Jongin’s arm imploringly. “Don’t talk about his job, will you? It’s not something I tell everyone about so…”

Jongin placed a finger over his lips and smiled bashfully. Kyungsoo thanked him silently by returning his gaze with a grateful look and led him out of the room, flicking the light switch off. Jongin obligingly shut the door behind him as Kyungsoo made his way to the front of the house, waiting for Luhan to come in.

A noisy clash of metal marked Luhan’s entrance into the home. “Hey, Luhan,” Kyungsoo called nervously. He couldn’t hope to hide the blotchy marks on his cheeks, but whatever Kyungsoo’s excuse would be, Jongin would go along with it.

Kyungsoo went out of the house, slipping on a pair of sandals to greet Luhan properly. Jongin peeked out and saw Luhan stumbling through the gates with a heavy bag in his hands. Dressed in casual clothes, he didn’t look at all different from the photos. His hair was jet black, but it was sticking up in so many directions Jongin couldn’t tell if it was on purpose.

Luhan looked up at Kyungsoo and said, “Hey, grab this while I get our takeaway, will ya?” Luhan’s Korean was awkward, but it was good enough for a foreigner. Kyungsoo took the bag from Luhan, nodding at him.  

He hadn’t yet noticed Jongin standing at the doorway, and was out of sight for a few seconds before he came back in. Kyungsoo lugged the heavy grocery bag in both hands, tottering precariously as Luhan shut the gates, holding a bulky bag in one arm.

“Am I late, Kyungsoo? Is your guest here yet?” Luhan asked. Kyungsoo grunted in reply, ducking to reenter the house. Jongin moved aside for the both of them to come in.

For a moment, no one said anything until Luhan came in and looked up at Jongin. He gasped so loudly the minute they made eye contact, it scared Jongin. Kyungsoo cleared his throat pointedly, pretending to sort things out through the grocery bag. Luhan dropped to his knees, gaping at Jongin.

“Is he real?” Luhan said in a choked voice.

“In the flesh,” Jongin said, holding out a hand to pull Luhan up to his feet. Luhan gasped again when he spoke, grabbing his hand and swooping up into Jongin’s face.

“Talks exactly like the real guy too,” Luhan breathed, squeezing his hand to see if it was real. He stared at Jongin’s face so hard, he could probably see every pore on Jongin’s skin. Kyungsoo turned around to roll his eyes at Luhan and flung a packet of tissues at his head.

“Stop it,” Kyungsoo said.

“Even smells like money, Kyungsoo, where the _fuck_ did you find him?” Luhan said without looking away from Jongin’s eyes. Jongin wasn’t sure if he was allowed to blink with someone this close to his face. He was afraid to even try it.

“At Accuretta Systems. Stop scaring our guest, he’s not used to you yet,” Kyungsoo said lightly. Luhan backed up at once, shaking his hand vigorously.

“You prob’ly here for them photos, hmm? Tell you what, give Kyungsoo a good price and he’ll never bother you again—” Kyungsoo scowled at him and picked up the packet of tissues on the ground to throw it at him again.

“I’m actually here just to see them,” Jongin smiled. Luhan made an appreciative noise in his throat, sticking out his lower lip while nodding.

“Fascinating. And how are you here again?”

Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo. “Why don’t we uh, eat and talk?” Kyungsoo suggested. Now that they were past awkward handshakes and first impressions, Jongin rather thought that that was a good idea.

-

Luhan was a wonderful guy.

In the three hours that the three of them spoke, Jongin learned a lot more about Kyungsoo and Luhan.

Luhan was looking for a job, for one. He was tired of working for the loan sharks and he just couldn’t find another job that could pay just as well, which was why he still worked for them. Jongin promised to look into jobs that he could do and would get Suho to see if Luhan couldn’t work at Accuretta by next month.

Kyungsoo and Luhan were been friends, yes, but they were closer than Kyungsoo made it out to be. Luhan knew everything about Jongin because Kyungsoo had told him, and wasn’t freaked out by the spare room at all. He said, “It’s cute, don’t you think?” and made Kyungsoo blush as they ate their honey drizzled fried chicken.

 Jongin discovered that Luhan was quite a spender when he noticed his shirt was from HBA. He loved branded goods, and it was the reason why he was still living with Kyungsoo when he made good money from the loan sharks. “I can’t leave this guy alone anyway. He’ll cry,” Luhan had said, pointing at Kyungsoo with his chopsticks.

“You’re the one who can’t sleep alone when there’s a thunderstorm,” Kyungsoo had snapped. Luhan laughed good naturedly. Jongin didn’t even have to bring up Luhan’s job. Kyungsoo was just being a protective friend, and it was so sweet of him, Jongin wanted to kiss the living daylights out of Kyungsoo.

When they had eaten, Jongin had to tell Luhan his intentions of coming to their place, and Jongin skimmed over the fact that he and Kyungsoo kissed, merely implying that he was definitely interested in Kyungsoo romantically (and sexually, but he didn’t want to embarrass Kyungsoo or himself). Luhan had asked Kyungsoo if he’d been crying before he came home, and Jongin said that he was the one who made him cry.

“I’m not surprised he cried over you. It’s not the first time,” Luhan said nonchalantly. It was like charming the in-laws, and Luhan obviously approved of Jongin almost right away.

“Don’t be icked out by the photos and the crying. Kyungsoo has a heart of gold and I’d date him if I wasn’t dating someone else,” Luhan told Jongin. Kyungsoo glared at Luhan to shut up, but it was too late. Jongin had charmed Luhan’s pants off, and they were, in his opinion, on very good terms now.

To Kyungsoo’s horror, Luhan gave Jongin Kyungsoo’s number on a small slip of paper before he had to leave and insisted that he at least text Kyungsoo. Jongin thanked him for his kindness while Kyungsoo pushed Jongin out of the gates, having had enough of Luhan’s shenanigans. 

Outside, Jongin waited for his car to show up and Kyungsoo stood there beside him to make sure he wouldn’t get mugged or something.

“Luhan’s some guy,” Jongin remarked with a smile.

“He is. He’s also very nosy,” Kyungsoo said flatly. Jongin tutted at him. “I thought he was great. I’ll have to find him a job soon, I don’t think I like the thought of him working for loan sharks. See, I’ve grown attached now. Even if you don’t want me around I think Luhan and I are best friends now.”

Kyungsoo scoffed at him, blushing for some reason. “He’s always friendly with everyone he meets.”

“Mm, unlike you.”

Kyungsoo shrugged unapologetically. “I just don’t do people. It’s not my thing.”

Jongin took a subtle step closer to him, glancing at his lips. “Now that I have your roommate’s blessing, I wanna know if you’re still up for the photo session. Are you?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo glanced at him, hugging his arms to himself. “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

Jongin tipped his head to one side. “You don’t know, or if you’re unsure of my intentions?” Kyungsoo bit his lip when he said that and looked away.

“Well, yeah. You’re charming and all, but you’re still Kim Jongin. You can’t possibly want _me_ , not after all the hostesses I’ve seen you with.” Jongin laughed aloud, surprising Kyungsoo and himself. _So that’s what this is about?_ Jongin thought, chuckling at Kyungsoo’s startled expression.

“Kyungsoo, I’m not going to pretend that I’m not straight, but the girls don’t matter to me. They never did,” he shrugged, taking another step closer to hold Kyungsoo’s shoulders gently. Kyungsoo gave him a suspicious look, but Jongin ignored it.

“You’re different. I like that.” Jongin brushed his lips over Kyungsoo’s own, feeling his small frame shudder when he nibbled on his upper lip. Jongin could taste the honey and iced tea on his lips.

“I don’t believe you,” Kyungsoo whispered, curling his lips inward in a shy manner.

“I’ll make you believe it then, Kyungsoo. I’ll call you and you’ll take photos of me and I’ll kiss you and then we’ll see what else we can do, hmm? Maybe even put those things in your drawer to good use,” Jongin whispered back with a smile. Kyungsoo looked up at him then, like he wanted so much to believe that Jongin was here, clearly seducing him from head to toe, but the conservative side of him won over, and his eyes were sad as he seemed to think it over.

“I don’t know if I can, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said softly.

Jongin took his hand, squeezing his fingers. “I know. But I can wait. I’m _willing_ to wait for you.  I’ve got plenty of time,” Jongin said, pecking his pink cheek. Kyungsoo was at a loss for words, but before Jongin moved out of his personal space, he gripped his arm and said, “Thank you.”

Those two words seemed to hold so much meaning. Jongin could almost feel its weight as Kyungsoo said it and his brain processed the unspoken gratitude behind those two words. He realized that accepting Kyungsoo’s quirk probably meant more to him than Jongin initially thought.

Jongin met Kyungsoo’s gaze and smiled.

*

At home, Jongin couldn’t get Kyungsoo off his mind as he lay in his bed, trying to fall asleep. It was hard not to think about him now that Kyungsoo had so much more depth and dimension. It irked him to think that he was hesitant about Jongin because he’d been bullied so badly as a kid enough to want to commit suicide, and he wanted to prove to Kyungsoo that although this was entirely new for Jongin, he wouldn’t just bail on him the minute the going gets tough. Jongin wasn’t that kind of guy.

Well, with the exception of the hostess girls from Club Red, but he had very good reasons why he strung them along instead of just breaking up with them.

But it wasn’t like that with Kyungsoo. He was that much more human, that much more fragile like spots of thin ice on a frozen surface than any other person Jongin had ever met, and he liked that. He really did.

*

Two days later, it was the weekend and Chanyeol had everyone over at his parents’ mansion for a small barbeque party. It was only the five of them, but Chanyeol had brought in two chefs just to prepare the barbeque and a buffet table for him. You’d think he was catering for a dozen people, but then again they were pretty big eaters, and Chanyeol wasn’t exactly a penny pincher.

Chanyeol’s place was built on a large piece of land, isolated from everyone else. If his mansion didn’t take your breath away, his backyard certainly could. There was a pool, a Jacuzzi, plenty of space to host a garden party in the summer, and lots of grass spread across a large area of the land. It reminded Jongin of a golf course, and he wasn’t surprised to see Chanyeol’s parents playing golf far off into the distance today, hitting balls across the expanse of the backyard to see how far they could go. Jongin was sure that if Chanyeol wanted to buy the entire country, his father’s bank account could definitely afford it.

All the green grass and Olympic sized pool couldn’t provide enough distraction though. Everyone was laughing around Jongin about some joke and Suho was fascinated with Chanyeol’s parents’ golfing, but Jongin was constantly thinking about when it’d be appropriate to contact Kyungsoo while he sipped on his can of beer. He had been too lazy to drop by the office the last two days, but now that it was the weekend it occurred to Jongin that he had no idea what Kyungsoo was doing or where he was.

 _Probably in the bush, taking pictures of me_ , he thought idly. He sat up straight at that, in case Kyungsoo was lurking about with his camera.

A splash of water at Jongin’s feet snapped him out of his thoughts. Sehun and Baekhyun had jumped into the pool a few feet in front of Jongin, and were complaining about how it was too cold.

“Oh, sorry, forgot to turn on the heat,” Chanyeol said apologetically, getting out of his seat to adjust the heat. Jongin watched him absently enter the house and disappear for a few seconds before he reappeared and called out to Sehun and Baekhyun, “Should I turn it up to twenty degrees, or would you like it a little a warmer?”

“Twenty five degrees,” Sehun called back. _As usual_ , Jongin thought. Sehun was meticulous about small details like that. Jongin felt like he was acting a bit nitpicky. Chanyeol nodded, readjusted the heat (probably with a fuse box inside the house) and bounded out of the house when he was done.

“Jongin, you’ve been quiet. I think it’s about time you share with us about your trip to Kyungsoo’s place,” Suho said when he noticed the distant look on his face. Chanyeol and Sehun _ooh_ -ed loudly, and Jongin rolled his eyes at them.

“There isn’t much to share,” Jongin said. Sehun splashed some water up at his face rudely. “Don’t lie. If there wasn’t much to share, you’d spill everything and complain about how everything didn’t go your way,” Sehun accused. Jongin pursed his lips at Sehun; thanks to him, his can of beer was now drenched in pool water.

“It’s not _that_ interesting,” Jongin said reluctantly. Chanyeol held up a finger, “Oh, we’ll be the judge of that,” he said, glugging down some beer.  

“Yeah, why don’t you tell us and we’ll see how _boring_ it was?” Sehun sneered. Suho agreed in amusement and Jongin squinted at them suspiciously, wondering if it was alright to tell them the truth. If he was going to have Kyungsoo around for some time, they’d probably guess his true intentions sooner or later, but he wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with telling them.

 _So this is what being cornered feels like_ , Jongin noted in his head. He sighed, looking around at the faces of his eager friends. _Maybe I’ll just mention that I kissed him and that’ll be all_ , he thought.  

“Um, I went to his place, saw all of the photos he had of me—”

“How many?” Sehun interrupted.

“Didn’t bother to count,” Jongin replied.

“But there was a lot?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin shrugged. “There was enough of it to indicate that it was an unhealthy obsession, yes,” he answered.

Suho motioned for him to go on. Baekhyun splashed around the pool, oblivious to Jongin’s story. _Sneaky little bastard_ , Jongin thought, before going on.

“Right. There was a big ass poster of me too, and it was almost life sized. After that, I er—I went out to the living room, chatted with him for a bit and maybe I sort of like, put my lips on his—”

Suho made a loud roaring sound, so loud that a few birds flew out of the trees.

“YOU KISSED HIM?”

“Jesus Christ, Suho, not so loud,” Jongin said, frowning. Chanyeol was pumping his fist into the air, face scrunched up in victory. “You owe me five hundred dollars,” he said to Suho. Jongin found it rather disturbing that his friends had betted on him. How long had the bet been going on? Suho looked at him in dismay. “But you said that time that you were going to just…” he trailed off, speechless. Sehun only lifted an eyebrow at Jongin in the pool, cocking his head to one side.

“You really kissed Kyungsoo? Like, with your tongue and everything?” he asked, voice almost inaudible from Suho’s loud groans and Chanyeol’s incomprehensible noises of victory.

“Well, no. Just a peck on the lips, nothing more.  It was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, I wasn’t planning on it or anything,” Jongin said. Sehun nodded, sloshing around in the water as he looked at Jongin thoughtfully.

“Did it feel weird?”

Jongin lifted an eyebrow. “Weird how?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I’m not the one who kissed a guy. What did it feel like?” Sehun asked, smiling up at Jongin now. He was teasing Jongin. Jongin rolled his eyes.

“I dunno, nice?” he replied, unable to take Sehun seriously now. He reached for another beer in the cooler behind him, wondering what it was that made him think his friends would react normally to what he just said. Of course, he wouldn’t know what normal would look like in the first place.

When Chanyeol finally settled down, he said, “So are you dating him now?”

Jongin looked up at him with wide eyes. It was just a kiss; that didn’t necessarily mean they were dating. Or did it? But he had kissed hostess girls before, would that mean he was dating all the girls at the club… “Er, I don’t think we discussed that,” Jongin replied quickly. In fact, he’d prefer it if they never, ever discussed that.

“What _did_ you talk about then?” Suho asked, digging out his wallet dejectedly and pulling a wad of hundred dollar notes. Chanyeol snatched them away from Suho, counting and recounting them happily. “Victory never tasted so sweet,” he sighed.

“We talked about… His roommate. And how he came about with the idea of taking pictures of me in secret. Very fascinating and all that,” Jongin nodded.

His friends just scoffed at him and finally moved onto another interesting topic; the girl Chanyeol was dating. Apparently, she had sent him a few nude pictures of herself and felt the need to show said pictures to them. It was all well to see a girl’s naked body when you’re having sex, but really, to see your friend’s girl friend in the nude was frankly, off putting. Not that Chanyeol ever grasped the meaning of boundaries.

“So you’ve had sex already then?” Sehun asked, getting out of the water. Lunch was almost ready; Chanyeol’s butler had politely informed them that lunch would be ready to serve in ten minutes. Baekhyun got out as well, searching for a towel.

“Hell no. Not till she gets tested for STDs. I am, after all, the heir to an empire. But she’s sending me nudes to ‘keep me interested’. I’m only interested for as long as I know she doesn’t have crabs or syphilis,” Chanyeol said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. Suho and Jongin gaped at him.

“Who asks their partner whom they’ve only started seeing for a few weeks to get _tested_?” Suho said it like it was a dirty word.  

“Well, me. I can’t be taking over dad’s company if I have HIV or AIDS,” Chanyeol shrugged. Still, the girl he was seeing was a supermodel. Surely she didn’t sleep around all that much.

“Do you think I should ask Kyungsoo to get tested too?” Jongin said offhandedly. It was merely a thought, but Chanyeol, Suho, Baekhyun and Sehun froze as if he’d just pulled a gun on them. Jongin blinked at them, holding his beer up to his lips.

“Somethin’ wrong?”

Sehun was the first to say something. “You planning on sleeping with Kyungsoo?” he asked.

Oh. Right, he didn’t mention about his plans to use nipple clamps on Kyungsoo to his friends yet. But he’d told them that he kissed Kyungsoo already, obviously it meant he wanted to get to third base with Kyungsoo…

“Maybe?” Jongin’s voice came out in a hesitant squeak. “WHOA WHOA WHOA THERE COWBOY,” Chanyeol said loudly, holding up a hand at him. Suho placed a hand over his heart as if to say he was keeping Jongin in his thoughts and prayers.

“Have you even gone anal with anyone?” Chanyeol asked bluntly. Sehun piped in, “Yeah, Jongin, have you even done a girl from behind?” Oh, how subtle his friends were. They could win the Subtlest Friends Award if there ever was such an award.

Jongin frowned. He’d done it once with a girl and it was quite fun, but it’d certainly be different with a guy… He’d be riding Kyungsoo of course, not the other way around.

“I _have_ had anal sex but not with a guy,” Jongin admitted. “Do you think it’ll be weird?” Jongin asked. Chanyeol looked thoughtful. “Who’s going to be on top?”

Jesus Christ, was he never to be free? “Me, duh,” Jongin rolled his eyes. Even Baekhyun laughed at that while his friends silently scoffed at him; was Jongin being on top such a difficult thing to conceive?

“Well, why don’t you do the do soon and you can tell us all about it when we have another one of these parties?” Suho chuckled. As if Jongin having sex with a guy was the wildest thing they’d ever heard of. Suho had been in a foursome before, and he was the only guy (Jongin knew this to be true because sadly, he’d accidentally seen it in college). Sehun claimed he’d been to an orgy before. Fucking a guy up the ass was certainly somewhat civil when compared to his friend’s previous escapades.

“I’ve seen and heard you guys do crazier things before, why y’all gotta judge me?” Jongin pouted.

Sehun rolled his eyes, taking a proffered towel from Baekhyun and wiping himself down. “That’s ‘cause we’ve all done this in college, Jongin. It’s alright if you’re just testing the waters but don’t be ridiculous, Jongin. No one just changes their preference in a blink of an eye.”

But Sehun didn’t know Kyungsoo the way Jongin did now. He had so much _more_ to him, or as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland had put it, more muchness that it didn’t matter that he was a guy. Kyungsoo was just so painfully human with his past and secret desires that he outshone anyone else he’d ever met. Jongin was about to say something like that to Sehun, but Chanyeol suddenly clapped his hands and said it was time for lunch. The conversation ended abruptly, the guys dispersed quickly, and Jongin had to stand up slowly, feeling a little weird and misunderstood. Maybe even lonely.

 _I am the biggest cliché_ ever, Jongin thought.

At lunch, Jongin chose a seat beside Baekhyun on purpose after choosing some dishes from the buffet table and piling a mountain of meat on a second plate. Why did Suho even bring him along anyway, they were all friendly with him but not _that_ friendly.

 _Maybe he’s really close to Suho and Suho thinks we’re an extension of him_ , Jongin thought. But why he was here, Jongin wasn’t too bothered. There was another bone he had to pick with Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun, I need to ask you something,” Jongin said, when Suho and Chanyeol were out of earshot and Sehun was on the phone, talking to someone in a low voice.

Baekhyun looked up at Jongin innocently, chewing on a barbequed slice of pork belly.

“You knew Kyungsoo had an obsession with me. You lied,” Jongin said flatly.

“A little white lie, nothing else. Bet you saw that photo of me at his place,” Baekhyun laughed. He was certainly calm for someone who had just lied to his boss. _Well played_ , Jongin thought, _very well played_.

But Jongin was still his boss technically, and had the authority to yell ‘Off with his head!’ (figuratively, of course).

“I did see. And I also see something in the future. Would you like to know what it is?” Jongin asked. Without waiting for Baekhyun to reply, he went on: “I see Suho’s desk, and right outside his office is a boy typing at his computer. Funny enough, the boy is. Not. You,” Jongin said dryly.

Baekhyun was unfazed. “If honesty is supposed to be my policy then I suppose I should mention that Kyungsoo is my good friend. _Very_ good friend. I wanted to be his roommate, but he wouldn’t let me have the second bedroom as a walk in wardrobe,” Baekhyun huffed.

“So, in accordance with what good friends should do, I stuck up for Kyungsoo because I know what kind of guy you are based on the conversations you’ve had with the rest of the guys, and don’t pretend you’re anything but a scumbag when it comes to love,” Baekhyun said, holding a hand up when Jongin tried to protest.

“I honestly didn’t expect you to go so far as to visit Kyungsoo’s place and kiss him, but if Kyungsoo’s happy about it for now, then I’m happy for him too. But if you hurt him, Kim Jongin, I swear, I will leave your company in a lurch and Suho will never be able to do all your work for let’s say, six months. You think he’s the one pulling your weight in the company?” Baekhyun asked, cocking his head to one side.   

“Your point?” Jongin said.

“I may be working for you, but I am most definitely on Kyungsoo’s side. He’s had a lot of bullshit happen in his life, regardless of what kind of façade he might’ve shown you so love him right, Jongin.”

Jongin nodded slowly. “Are you finished?” he asked. Baekhyun nodded, holding up a piece of pork intestine. “I believe I’ve said everything I needed to.”

Jongin grabbed Baekhyun’s hand holding up the pork intestine, and he took the piece with his mouth, chewing slowly. “What you’re saying is… you’re Kyungsoo’s good friend, right?” he said.

Baekhyun blinked at him. Of course, Jongin was only being deliberately obtuse.

“If you’re his good friend then I will give you a thousand dollars in cash to tell me the reasons behind his drawer full of sex toys,” Jongin said seriously. Baekhyun dropped his mouth open. “You saw it? He showed you his drawer of things? What did he say, ‘Ooh, Jongin, please beat me with a flogger, please Master’?”

“Er, I stumbled upon it but hey, you know about it. So tell me about his fetish. Has it always been me or is it just his desire to be beaten and tied up?”

Baekhyun huffed around. “You can’t buy friendship.”

“Five thousand dollars in cash and I will pretend I know nothing when I discuss this with Kyungsoo.”

“Say eight thousand and five, and an extensive reveal on the how, the why and the when.”

“Done.”

“He read a really kinky book from like the medieval times about four years ago, y’know those kinds of books that get really down and gritty, and came across BDSM and all that stuff. Because he was too shy to search it up online, he asked me about it instead. I told him that he wasn’t the only person out there who liked having a master or being a master. Wasn’t long before he saw you in a magazine and I dunno, maybe it was really good timing or something, but he said—let me be clear, you have to act like you don’t know anything at all about this,” Baekhyun warned Jongin.

He nodded eagerly. “He said that he’d like it if you were his Master, or at least, someone with your aura. Obviously he doesn’t know you like I do, and doesn’t see you in the same light as I do. But I guess I can see the appeal… He’s shy, you’re hot—or that’s what he thinks—and you’d never know him because he stalks you so well, but he still knows all about you like a good girlfriend would. Nevertheless, it’s his secret, and he’s only ever told me and Luhan about it. Mostly because he thinks he’ll never get laid. Evidently,” Baekhyun dragged his scrutinizing gaze all over Jongin’s face and shoulders.

“Evidently, that might change soon.”

“He actually told you that he wanted me to beat him up and like, bruise him or whatever?” Jongin asked incredulously.

“Well—No. He didn’t say it outright at the time, but he had started buying lots of magazines with you in it and taking days off work just to follow you around… Had a lot of deliveries sent to his place too. Luhan opened one up by mistake, and found an anal plug. He told me about it, and I just figured everything else from there.”

Quite an interesting turn of events. Jongin had, in a way, kick started Kyungsoo’s sexual desires. Blood rushed to Jongin’s head as he thought of Kyungsoo buying all those toys with Jongin in mind… But something was still off.

“But if he bought all those things over the years then… Did he think I’d just come up to him one day like some crappy porn video and start to beat the shit out of him?” Jongin asked.

“That’s not exactly it—He’s never dreamed of you coming up to him, like _ever_. Kyungsoo bought those things I guess, thinking that if he ever had the courage to come out of his shell and see if there’s someone out there who can substitute you in his heart, then those toys would be there, ready and on hand. He’s had a lot of time to think about this sort of things obviously,” Baekhyun said, picking up his beer and drinking some of it.

So Kyungsoo had only bought those toys out of wanting to manifest his desires into something physical. Jongin was willing to bet he’d never used any of those things except the vibrator, perhaps.

“Thank you for that, Baekhyun. Expect your payment by the end of the day,” Jongin said, reaching a hand out to shake his hand.

Baekhyun shook his hand discreetly under the table while sipping at his beer and nodded stiffly. “This conversation never happened.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Baekhyun smiled.

Eight thousand and five hundred dollars was nothing compared to what Baekhyun had just told Jongin. It was more than enough for Jongin, and he’d have to research on BDSM soon if he was going to live up to Kyungsoo’s expectations. If truth be told, he couldn’t wait till it was appropriate to text Kyungsoo.

 


	6. we could be caught; I just want this to be perfect (we're both convicted criminals of thought)

Jongin sat on his bed, staring at his phone.

He reached for it, then glanced at his clock. The clock blinked 1:45A.M at him in thin, green digits. Jongin resisted the temptation and shuffled away from his phone, biting on the corner of his pillow.

Jongin had been researching on his Macbook about BDSM relationships and what it took to be a good master since he got home from Chanyeol’s party. So far, the results were interesting. He more or less already had an idea about a slave and master relationship before he started researching, but now his knowledge on the quirks and kinks of BDSM was rather extensive, if he could say so himself.

First of all, people who were masters liked control, and the thrill that came with forcing someone to do as they bid, consequently including causing pain and leaving marks on the slave. Jongin wasn’t into that at all, he just wanted to see how much Kyungsoo would enjoy it. On the other hand, most people who wanted to be the slave liked the pain or liked to be put into their own place by their masters. Jongin had no idea which category Kyungsoo belonged in, but would love to find out, if only he could pluck up the courage to text him, thus leading to the fact that he’d been reaching for his phone only to take his hand away at the last second for about a hundred times this evening.

It wasn’t like he was nervous to text Kyungsoo. Not at all. This wasn’t some kind of teenage chick flick; Jongin could very well text or call Kyungsoo if he wanted to. Calling seemed a bit forward though, and he thought that maybe texting was better. He just wasn’t sure if the questions he wanted to ask were appropriate at the early hours of the morning. Would Kyungsoo be awake? Would Kyungsoo answer him honestly right away or lie to him or, God forbid, make him wait till he woke up the next morning to reply his text?

 _Christ, I’m turning into Sehun_ , Jongin thought, alarmed. _No, no, I just have to get my shit together and just text Kyungsoo already_ , Jongin thought, slapping himself to collect his senses. 

 He reached for his phone, but uncertainty made him hesitate once more. There were things he wanted to know, and maybe Kyungsoo would be more comfortable answering them in text rather than face-to-face but once again, _WOULD HE REPLY MY TEXTS THOUGH?_

Jongin had never been this nervous to send a text. In fact, he’d never been this nervous about _anything_. Why would texting Kyungsoo make him feel nervous? He was just a guy, and Jongin was just a guy as well. _And guys text each other, don’t they?_ Jongin asked himself.

Well, he wouldn’t know. Jongin wasn’t the sort to text his friends, he knew that for sure, even though Chanyeol added him and the other guys on an online chatroom and was constantly posting things in the chatroom even though no one gave a flying pig’s bum about the music he listened to. To bug Jongin is one thing, but to bug him and make him listen to The Phantom of the Opera original soundtrack was… taking it a step too far, to be honest. 

 _To hell with it_ , he thought, biting his lip. Jongin snatched up his phone before the inner, jittery part of him could stop his hand from picking up his phone. He brought up the messaging app and typed Kyungsoo’s name in the contacts, and stared at the blinking cursor.

_What should I say?_

What would a normal person say, that was the real question. He had to say something that Kyungsoo could respond to, but _what_?

_‘What are you doing?’_

No, that was too aggressive. He cleared the message he had typed out and thought carefully again. What about… _‘Are you awake?’_ It was a legit question and if Kyungsoo didn’t reply him then he would know if Kyungsoo _was_ awake or not.

Yes then. He typed it out slowly, making sure there weren’t any dumb spelling mistakes and, holding the phone away from himself, pressed send.

Jongin made an embarrassingly loud noise in his throat, flinging his phone aside and hugging his laptop to his chest. Technically he still had a bit more of research to do, so he should just get back to it. He continued to read a page where dominants had posted on a website about the thrilling feeling of tying their slave up and distractedly chewed on his thumbnail, waiting eagerly for Kyungsoo to reply his message.

After five minutes, his phone pinged and he lunged for it, unlocking it and opening up Kyungsoo’s message quickly.

_‘Who is this?’_

Didn’t Jongin give him his number? He pursed his lips impatiently, typing: ‘ _It’s Jongin. Guess you’re awake.’_ Only when Jongin sent the message did it occur to him that maybe Kyungsoo was trying to play coy with him. Oh, he wasn’t the only one who could play at this. Jongin snickered to himself and waited for Kyungsoo to reply, shutting his laptop with a flourish.

There was another ping. _‘Yes, I am.’_

 _Don’t need to point out the obvious_ , Jongin thought. Jongin wanted to play it safe first, so he said, ‘ _What are you doing?’_

_‘Watching a movie with Luhan.’_

Fascinating. Was it Titanic? Or maybe something more risqué like… Pitch Perfect. Jongin smiled to himself as he pretended to be curious and typed out, _‘What movie?’_

_‘An anime movie. You wouldn’t be interested.’_

Oh, so Jongin wouldn’t be interested now, wouldn’t he? He rolled his eyes. Quite the contrary; he wasn’t a big fan of anime but he knew enough from his friends. They were all watching anime series with names too long to pronounce and were constantly talking about it whenever a new episode came out or whatever. Jongin wasn’t too bothered with things like that.

_‘Try me.’_

It took Kyungsoo about five entire minutes to reply. _So he’s probably lying about watching a movie then_ , Jongin thought, feeling smug. Kyungsoo could Google all the anime movies in the world if he wanted to, Jongin thought he knew enough to catch Kyungsoo if he was lying.

_‘Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light.’_

Damn. Jongin didn’t know that one. He called Suho up because he was too lazy to turn on his laptop again, and paced around his room nervously while Suho took his sweet time to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“What kind of movie is ‘Into the Forest of Fireflies’ Light’? Is it like a horror kind of anime movie?” Jongin asked.

Suho paused. “You do realize it’s past two in the morning now?”

“Your point? Hurry the fuck up and tell me, will you?”

Suho laughed a bit, before continuing: “It’s a sad movie. The guy disappears at the end. Very tragic, I watched it with Chanyeol and we cried.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. Suho sounded like a twelve year old girl at a sleepover party. “Right then. Did you like the movie? Was it really sad or just sad enough to linger in your thoughts?”

“Chanyeol cried for a week about it and wore black the entire time because he was ‘in mourning’. You take a guess.”

That was all Jongin needed. He hung up without saying goodbye and sat down to text Kyungsoo.

_‘I know that one. Guy disappears at the end, right?’_

‘ _You don’t look like the kind of guy who watches anime.’_ That was Kyungsoo’s reply. Jongin didn’t look like the kind of guy to text another guy at two in the morning too, so what was he trying to say?

_‘I’m a man of many interests ;)’_

Was a winking smiley too flirty? He didn’t think he’d ever used it before. Mind you, he’d never texted anyone before in the first place, so he wasn’t entirely sure about the rules of when to send and when not to send a smiley. Jongin was about to overthink it all again, and quickly sent it before he could clear the smiley from the message. This time, it took Kyungsoo six minutes to reply (not that he was counting the minutes, he just happened to notice the time was all).

_‘That’s good to know.’_

“That’s it?” Jongin said aloud. Oh, no doubt about it now, Kyungsoo was toying with Jongin. Vindictive little bastard. Very well, they could play this game. Jongin had played this game before; he knew it all too well from Club Red.

_‘I have a question for you, maybe two. Care to answer them for me?’_

Pretending not to notice Kyungsoo wasn’t obviously flirting with him as well was all Jongin could do for now. Besides, he really needed to get these questions of his back soon.

_‘What is it?’_

_‘What are the things in your drawer for?’_

It wasn’t what Jongin intended to ask exactly, he wanted to see if Kyungsoo would take the bait first and maybe unwittingly admit his true desires. This was of course, terribly cliché to Jongin. Texting a guy in the dead of night to see what turned him on… Jongin rolled his eyes at himself, sending the text to Kyungsoo.

When Kyungsoo’s reply came two minutes later, Jongin was so excited to read his reply he almost kicked his laptop to the ground. He put it on the ground safely while reading Kyungsoo’s text.

_‘Recreational purposes.’_

Dear God. Jongin wanted to call him up right then to hear his voice was steady or as flustered as he thought it would probably be. But he resisted the urge and typed out a reply instead: _‘You said you wanted me to be the one to use those things on you. Did you want it because you like pain or because you want me to be causing pain?’_

He knew it was a bold question to ask via text message, but it could probably get Kyungsoo to be honest without clamming up from shyness; shy Kyungsoo was reluctant Kyungsoo, and Jongin didn’t want reluctance. He sent the text, running his hands through his hair anxiously.

_‘The second reason.’_

Well. Jongin’s cock went half hard at that, it was just too sexy a thought for him to resist. He could picture himself tying Kyungsoo to a bed and using that leather flogger on him. Oh, it’d be _so_ lovely to see his white skin turn pink if Jongin were to strike him with the flogger. _Wonder if he has a riding crop_ , Jongin thought. If Kyungsoo had a riding crop then Jongin would have to use it on Kyungsoo. It simply _had_ to be used on Kyungsoo’s ass, there would be no doubt about that.

Jongin slipped a hand under the waistband of his baggy training pants and touched the tip of his cock, imagining his fingers to be Kyungsoo’s white, smaller ones. He typed out a reply to Kyungsoo, his breath catching in his throat as he imagined Kyungsoo touching himself as well.

_‘Do you own a riding crop?’_

Kyungsoo’s reply came when Jongin’s cock was totally hard in his hand. He rubbed his hand up and down his length, the friction delicious against the skin of his cock.

_‘Yes. I’ve hit my hand with it once. It hurt.’_

Christ in heaven, Kyungsoo was _much_ braver when he wasn’t around Jongin. He loved it, and wished Kyungsoo would be this bold when they were face-to-face. Some semen dribbled onto Jongin’s hand and he pressed his hand around his cock, squeezing exquisitely. _I bet Kyungsoo’s ass is tight…_

_‘Did it leave a mark?’_

It _had_ to have left a mark, Kyungsoo’s skin was so white and flawless, a small slap would’ve been enough to bring blood to the surface of his skin. If Jongin spanked him then surely his handprint would be there for days. Jongin groaned at the thought and rubbed his cock a little faster, biting down on a sigh of pleasure.

_‘Yes, it did. It lasted two weeks on my palm.’_

_Fuck_ , Jongin thought, feeling heat rushing down to his groin. Kyungsoo was _such_ a prick tease.

_‘How many times did you hit yourself?’_

_‘5.’_

He came into his hand when he fingered his urethra, picturing Kyungsoo’s tongue licking at his cock while he came. Jongin’s hand was wet and slippery with semen when he was done, and he went to wash his hands in the bathroom with soap before he returned to his bed to type out a reply to Kyungsoo.

_‘Wish I was there to see the mark.’_

He could certainly picture red, parallel lines across Kyungsoo’s palm lasting for days, hurting whenever he clenched his hand and reminding him of his secret, oh-so-shameful desire. Jongin wanted to see him soon, wanted to kiss his lips and feel his breath catch in his throat whenever Jongin licked at his mouth.

_‘It’s gone now. I’m going to bed soon.’_

Boo, Jongin frowned. He didn’t want to stop texting Kyungsoo now that things were getting interesting, but it was a good time to turn in as well if Kyungsoo was going to go to sleep now. Jongin got out of bed to turn out the lights, suddenly remembering that he had yet to brush his teeth and set off to the bathroom with his phone in his hand.  

 _‘You’re working on Monday?’_ While waiting for Kyungsoo’s reply, Jongin pressed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started to brush his teeth slowly. His phone pinged when his mouth was full of foam.

_‘Yes, as per usual.’_

It was Saturday, or in the early hours of Sunday now that Jongin thought about it. He wanted to see Kyungsoo, but he wasn’t sure if later in the day was too rushed. _Better to pace it out_ , Jongin thought. Also, there was a photo session to be scheduled. He’d think about that tomorrow and tell Kyungsoo later on Monday then.

_‘I’ll see you on Monday. Sleep well.’_

_‘Okay. Good night.’_

*

When Monday rolled around, Jongin accidentally woke up too early and hit the gym to get a good start on the day.

The gym was practically deserted when he arrived but it was open anyway, so Jongin went about his business, warming up and then running on the treadmill for half an hour and doing a hundred sit ups right after that.

Yesterday, Jongin had been searching the Internet for a good spot to have Kyungsoo take photos of him. He didn’t want to do it at his own place, obviously, and so was planning on renting out a room or something so that there’d be plenty of good light to take photos by and enough privacy so that Kyungsoo didn’t feel too pressured or anything like that. Sadly, he couldn’t find a place suitable to his needs—it could be that he didn’t search the Internet with the right kind of words, but whatever—and so, was hoping that Kyungsoo could think of a place to take photos.

He still had some energy left when he was done with his sit ups, and decided to work on his arms a bit and pulled some weights with both arms, sweating in no time. He could lift twenty pounds after working at it for about an hour (although he didn’t realize he’d taken so long) and thought he should call it a day at that. He’d come in another day and try to lift thirty pounds.

He showered languidly and emerged from the gym at twelve (wearing the most casual clothes he could find in his closet; black jeans and a loose tee since he couldn’t be arsed to put on a suit because it was too warm today), just in time for brunch. Jongin told his driver to take him to a noodles stall he frequently quite regularly (usually late at night) and knew would still be open at this time.

The food stall he had in mind was squeezed between a DVD store and a store selling Chinese dumplings for takeaway only. Suho was the one who brought him to this stall in the first place, and he loved it because the place was surprisingly clean, the flavors of the different noodles were always distinct and no one ever recognized him in this area. The middle aged lady at the stall greeted him with motherly warmth when he got down from the car.

“Oh, it’s you, kid! It’s been a while since you last came by with your friends. You were drunk last time you were here, remember?” she laughed heartily. Jongin laughed along, sitting at a table. “Nice to see you too,” he replied. There was a couple sitting a ways from him, but they didn’t notice him so he sat down without feeling self conscious, ordering a bowl of noodles for himself.

“Hey kid, why didn’t you invite your driver to eat?” the lady asked while she prepared his noodles for him. His driver was parked across the street, waiting by the road as he looked around periodically, scoping the area.

“Not my job to feed him,” he replied jokingly. The lady tutted at him, clearly disapproving of the way he treated his staff. Either she didn’t know him or didn’t give a shit about who he was; she had the nerve to put him down as she liked and he didn’t really mind. He never liked it when people tip toed around him all the time, because he never knew if they were dishonest. At least the lady spoke her mind without giving a damn about what Jongin might think of her.

“Call him in and buy him lunch, will you? He’s a person too,” she said, still tutting at him. Jongin shrugged and dialed his driver from his phone, asking him to come in.

“Is something wrong, sir?” the driver asked, looking at the stall in alarm and yet saw nothing wrong.

“No, the lady making my noodles just thinks I should buy you lunch. Come in and order whatever you want,” Jongin said, clicking off and waving at him to come in. His driver looked uncertain, which only stood to solidify the fact that Jongin was never terribly nice to his staff.

 His driver came in with a rather frightened expression, which was quite funny since he was usually stony faced and never displayed any emotion on his face.

“Mr. Kim, there’s really no need to buy me lunch, sir—”

“I’m not Mr. Kim, so there is a need to buy you lunch. C’mon, it’s not like you don’t know me. Aunty, don’t let him pay for his meal, whatever you do,” he said.

His driver looked like he’d just been shot. The lady chuckled and served Jongin his bowl of noodles before proceeding to ask Jongin’s driver what he would like to have. He tried to whisper, “The cheapest thing on the menu,” but the lady betrayed him right away and told Jongin that he was trying to order as little as possible, so Jongin ordered for him instead.

“You don’t mind pork, do you?” he asked.

“No, sir,” he shook his head. “Good. Make sure there’s a lot of pork in his bowl, Aunty. He’s my bodyguard too, so he needs his strength,” Jongin joked.

His driver paled visibly, mouth opening to say something and yet, no protest came out.

“You don’t have to thank me, Mister… Driver. What’s your name?” Jongin asked offhandedly. His driver sat down carefully at the table beside Jongin, looking around nervously.

“You don’t even know his name? You’re really rude, kid,” the lady tutted at Jongin once more. He laughed. It wasn’t in his nature to ask people for their names unless he intended to have some sort of relationship with them. Most of the people he knew, Sehun had to introduce anyway.

“I—I’m Lee Jung,” his driver stammered.

“Lee Jung. Fabulous name. I’ll call you Mr. Lee from now on, that alright with you?” Jongin smiled, slurping on his noodles. Mr. Lee nodded.

“So Mr. Lee. Am I a hard person to please?”

“No, sir, certainly not.”

“I take that as a yes. Do you think I pay you well enough?”

“Well, sir, I think what you pay me is more than—”

“More than enough, hmm? Good then. Wouldn’t want you to suddenly swerve off the road one day and become the second Princess Diana,” Jongin said. Unexpectedly, Mr. Lee chuckled at his joke.

-

Mr. Lee stopped the car in front of the Accuretta building, and he gave Jongin a friendly smile as he got out of the car. “Thank you for the lunch, sir. Call me when you need me,” he said. Jongin nodded and said he would, waving goodbye as he drove off to the car park on the other side of the building.

 _Ah_ , Jongin thought, inhaling the musty air of Seoul’s busy streets. It was unexpectedly nice to be nice. He learned over lunch that his driver had two kids and his brother was going to be married soon. Not that he cared particularly about his driver’s personal life but it felt good to have known a bit about his driver. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so lonely in his car next time. 

The lobby was abuzz with chatter as people walked past Jongin to the elevators or to the cafeteria for lunch. Some people bowed at him and eyed his sloppy outfit curiously while others couldn’t see past the outfit and brushed past him without so much as a glance. He couldn’t tell if he liked it or not, the fact that people didn’t bother with him when he wasn’t dressed up. 

In any case, he went to his elevator and went all the way up to the twentieth floor, sauntering into his office and dropping his gym bag in front of Taewoon’s desk.

“Taewoon, could you go to the dry cleaner’s and drop my clothes there? I think you’re supposed to collect an outfit too,” Jongin said. Taewoon replied, “Good afternoon, sir, and yes, right away.”

“Good man,” Jongin remarked as he scurried out of the building with his wallet and keys to do Jongin’s bidding. Jongin looked over at Sehun, who was typing something gravely at his desk.

“He’s an alright fellow, mm?”

“I can’t believe you plan on banging Kyungsoo,” Sehun replied.

“Are you jealous?” Jongin laughed, entering his office. “Who in their right mind would be jealous? And Baekhyun told me that you paid him off to tell you more about Kyungsoo.”

“Yes, I did. It was money well spent,” Jongin answered, fiddling with a pile of files at Sehun’s desk. He swatted Jongin’s hand away in annoyance.

“And I also can’t believe that you came into the office today with flip flops on. What if you had a meeting today?” Sehun asked.

“I would attend the meeting as I normally would,” Jongin replied, puzzled. Would the appearances of his toes in public make any difference in the stock market? Sehun was very nitpicky sometimes.

“I wouldn’t let you go to any meetings dressed like that, don’t be stupid. Anyway, go into your office and wait till I come in with some things that you need to sign,” Sehun said, making a _shoo shoo_ motion with his hands towards Jongin’s office.

“Okay. Can I have like, the number for the office over there?” Jongin asked, pointing at where Kyungsoo’s office was. Sehun didn’t even have to look to know why he wanted the number.

“No.”

“If I want to sleep with Kyungsoo, I think I’m well within my right to do that,” Jongin said indignantly.

“No because there is no number there. You wanna see him, you go in there and get him out.”

“But I’m dressed like this today,” Jongin protested, gesturing at his outfit, flip flops and all. Sehun shrugged. “Your funeral.”

Jongin harrumphed and went off into his office. Fine then, if there was no number to Kyungsoo’s office, he had another number he could call to get Kyungsoo to come into his office. He wasn’t sure if Kyungsoo would pick up his phone during office hours, but there was a sure fire way that Kyungsoo would be here in minutes.

He dialed a few numbers on his phone, sitting in his chair and putting a leg up on the seat. _Sehun and Suho are going to shit their pants when they find out about this_ , Jongin smiled to himself. The phone dialed twice before someone picked up.

“Mr. Kim?” a woman said crisply. Evidently, the PA system knew his office number.

“Yes, I’d like you to announce an urgent message right now. It’s addressed to Do Kyungsoo, and he is to see me in my office right away.”

“Excellent, sir. Could you give us a call once he’s responded?” the woman said. Jongin said alright, so they hung up and Jongin laid back in his seat, his ears on alert for the PA system to start announcing his message.

It took only one minute, and he heard a familiar tune play over the loud PA system before a disembodied voice said, “Do Kyungsoo, please report yourself to Kim Jongin’s office. Do Kyungsoo, please report yourself to Kim Jongin’s office.” _Ta da_ , Jongin thought, holding out his arms.

From outside, Sehun yelled, “ _JONGIN_!”

He could yell to his heart’s content, the message was going to play every few minutes until Kyungsoo showed up. The PA system repeated the message three more times before it turned off, and Jongin laughed loudly to rub it in Sehun’s face.

His phone rang. Probably Suho.

“Yellow?”

“For God’s sake, Jongin, you can’t just call an employee into your office like that—”

“The PA system never said so. And besides, if you don’t want to hear it then find Kyungsoo for me,” Jongin said lightly, checking his nails for damage.

“Sehun’s looking for him already. For the love of God, Jongin, don’t do anything stupid, alright, I—”

“Okay dad, bye,” Jongin sing-songed down the phone gleefully, dragging out the last word to drown out Suho’s protests. He hung up quickly and hummed a song to himself, spinning in his chair while he counted down the minutes till Kyungsoo came into his office. If Sehun didn’t want to help him, this was what it had to come down to. Kyungsoo’s office was just too far away…

It barely took three minutes before Sehun punched a button and the door slid open. He looked like death personified as he dragged Kyungsoo into the office by the arm.

“Thank you, Sehun,” Jongin smiled.

“Get the message off the PA system NOW,” Sehun just about yelled. He pulled a scared looking Kyungsoo forward, and pointed a finger at Jongin threateningly as he backed out of the office, fuming with his hair all messed up around his face. _He must’ve run all the way here with Kyungsoo_ , Jongin thought. The door slid shut after him and Jongin just stared at him till he was gone.

If that was all it took to get Sehun to work a little harder Jongin would have to do it again next time.

“Did he scare you, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo was staring after Sehun as well, and blinked when he turned to face Jongin.

“Erm no, but I was busy with something before I was thoroughly embarrassed by the PA system so if you could just get this over with, please?” he said. Jongin rested his chin in the crook of his hand as he leaned forward to scrutinize Kyungsoo’s face.

“I suppose we _could_ get this over with quickly, except that I thought maybe you might want to stay a little longer?” Jongin said nonchalantly, his eyes trailing over Kyungsoo’s body deliberately. Kyungsoo had the most boring outfit on, but Jongin didn’t mind. If he tried hard enough, he could see the shape of Kyungsoo’s cock at the crotch area of his pants. _Wonder if his dick is as pink as his lips?_ Jongin thought absently, eyes lingering over Kyungsoo’s lower abdomen for too long to be considered appropriate.

Kyungsoo took an unconscious step back as he looked at Jongin. “Why would I want to stay here a little longer?” he asked nervously, subtly placing both hands in front of himself to block Jongin’s view.

Jongin frowned. _Cockblocker_ , he thought. He’d been enjoying the view till Kyungsoo’s hands were in the way. Well then, if Kyungsoo couldn’t read the signs he’d just have to be a bit clearer with his intentions. Jongin got up from his seat, taking three steps to cross the space between them.

“Jongin, w-we’re in your office—”

“What’s wrong, it’s not like we’ve never kissed in here before,” Jongin remarked, which made Kyungsoo look away in embarrassment. He tried to back away but Jongin brought both hands up to Kyungsoo’s face, his fingers teasing the hair at the back of Kyungsoo’s neck as he invaded Kyungsoo’s personal space and placed his lips over Kyungsoo’s mouth soundly.

Kyungsoo tasted of toothpaste and red tea, Jongin noted, when he kissed him. A lovely combination nonetheless. Kyungsoo moaned in Jongin’s mouth before cutting himself off, putting his hands on Jongin’s forearms to pull away from him.

“Jongin, there has to be a better reason for you to call me in here,” he said, cheeks burning red.

“Well yeah, but I thought we could start off slowly,” Jongin shrugged, pulling Kyungsoo towards himself again and kissing him a little harder. Kyungsoo reluctantly kissed him back, turning his head slightly at a better angle. Jongin placed a hand on the small of Kyungsoo’s back, pulling him flush against Jongin’s body. Their bodies were aligned as they kissed quietly, not wanting to let Sehun or anyone else hear them. Frankly, Jongin wouldn’t have cared if Sehun walked in on them; kissing Kyungsoo felt like something he could do forever.

Then suddenly, the PA system started up, playing a short little tune before it went, ‘Do Kyungsoo, please report yourself to Kim Jongin’s office.’

“Shit,” Jongin swore, breaking off the kiss to fumble for the phone. He dialed the number quickly, while Kyungsoo stood there awkwardly, watching Jongin hold the phone to his ear at an awkward angle.

“Mr. Kim,” the same woman picked up the phone.

“Ah yes, Kyungsoo is here now so…” Kyungsoo blushed, looking like he wanted to melt into the ground from embarrassment.

“Very well, sir. Will there be anything else?”

“Nope, thanks for er, broadcasting the message.”

“It’s my pleasure, sir.” She clicked off, and Jongin hung up, sighing with relief. The PA system played the message for about five more seconds before it ended abruptly.

“Well then. Shall we er, continue or would you like to know why I called you in? If you ask me, I’d want to continue where we left off—”

“Tell me what you have to say, I have to get back to work soon,” Kyungsoo interrupted him. Jongin pouted, blowing up his cheeks momentarily. He deflated his cheeks and tugged at Kyungsoo’s pants’ belt loop playfully, unwilling to let Kyungsoo leave so soon.

“Fine. One, I can’t find a nice place with enough privacy for a photo session. I was wondering if you know a place, or if I have to get Sehun to rent a place for me. Two… My, my, Kyungsoo, you’re certainly much braver when you’re not with me, aren’t you?” Jongin waggled his eyebrows suggestively.  

“I-I-I wouldn’t know… what you mean, um,” Kyungsoo muttered, cheeks flaring up again.

“Oh, I think you do, Kyungsoo. But it’s alright, be coy if you want. So long as I get to kiss that pretty mouth,” Jongin smiled, running his thumb over Kyungsoo’s lower lip.

Kyungsoo blushed, swatting Jongin’s hand away. “I um… There’s a place where I a-always want to um—Well, to take photos of you, but uh,” Kyungsoo looked down at Jongin’s feet, stumbling over his words like he wasn’t sure how to phrase his sentence.

“And?” Jongin said.

“It has a lot of light and erm, enough space too. It’s near here, just five minutes outside of Seoul in a quiet area—”

“Whatever the place looks like, I don’t care, Kyungsoo, as long as you can get your photos. You’re stalling even if just you said that you need to get back to work, so what is it that you’re so nervous about?” Jongin asked. Really, what was there to be shy about?

Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip, blinking a few times. “I would take you there, or you could have your driver drive us there or whatever but um, it’s just that the place is in an apartment, so if you wanna rent out a place for an entire day, it takes quite a lot of money—”

“Ah, so it’s money. Well, how much is it?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo looked up at him, baffled. “I—I’m not letting you pay for the place, just so you know. _I_ want the photos more than you do, so it’s only fair that _I_ pay for the day’s rent—”

“But you’re going to need that money for something else, no? C’mon, Kyungsoo, it’s not like I’d hold this against you or anything—” Jongin tried to say, but Kyungsoo stopped him.

“No. Don’t argue with me on this, I’m—I’m older than you, so you have to let me pay,” Kyungsoo said defiantly. Jongin chuckled. “I’ve always wanted to date someone older than me.” Kyungsoo glared at him, stabbing a finger at his solar plexus. It didn’t hurt, but Jongin was mostly surprised Kyungsoo had the nerve to do that.

“Fine then, _hyung_ , have it your way,” Jongin enunciated ‘hyung’ sarcastically. “If all goes well then, when do you think we can have this photo session?” Jongin asked.

“Maybe next Thursday, it takes some time to get a place... But I thought you said you were busy for the next few months?” Kyungsoo asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at Jongin. He smiled breezily. “I was hoping I’d be busy with you.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and turned to walk towards the door, but not before Jongin caught the half smile on his lips. Jongin couldn’t help but laugh as well, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand and pulling him back to where he stood in front of Jongin a second ago.

“Don’t go yet, Kyungsoo—”

“Hyung, please. The audacity to call me by name without any honorifics is just… appalling and out of this world,” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath.

“Ooh, giving me directions, I love it already. Anyway… Let’s just make out a little more, why don’t we? I’ll be bored the whole day if you deny me on this,” Jongin whined.

“I have a lot of copies to make still, so I can’t really stay for long…” Kyungsoo said, though Jongin caught a bit of longing in his voice. For some reason, it made Jongin smile just a little bit, his heart warming. Kyungsoo was surprising him at every turn.

“Very well then, go make your precious copies. I’ll be waiting eagerly for you to text me… _Hyung_ ,” Jongin smiled, kissing Kyungsoo’s mouth once more and sticking his tongue in to make sure Kyungsoo would have something to think about while making his copies. The kiss would’ve went on and on if only Kyungsoo let it, but he broke away like he suddenly remembered something and said goodbye to Jongin.

“Can you use your phone at work, by the way?” Jongin asked as Kyungsoo walked off to the door. “If it’s just the occasional call or text when my supervisor’s not around, sure,” Kyungsoo replied.

Jongin would have to make sure his supervisor was busy all the time then. He noted mentally to pull some strings and also, to make a call to Suho about Luhan.

“Do I press this?” Kyungsoo asked to be sure, pointing at a small button beside the door.

“You know it,” Jongin chuckled. To his surprise, Kyungsoo smiled at him, nothing more than a little shy smile playing over his lips, but it was surprisingly… endearing to Jongin. He’d never seen Kyungsoo smile like that before. _He’s so cute_ , Jongin thought fleetingly as Kyungsoo walked out.

 _Tastes cute too_ , Jongin thought to himself. But it wasn’t time for him to get distracted by the taste of Kyungsoo or the texts they’d exchanged on Saturday. He went back to his desk and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Suho, you son of a gun,” Jongin chuckled.

“What do you want?” Suho snapped. He sounded irritated, probably because of the PA system thing. _He’s very superficial if that’s all it takes to get angry_ , Jongin thought.

“Suho, I remember you saying something about having a few small jobs open?”

“Why, do you suddenly feel the urge to work?”

“I will never feel the urge to labor for you, my good friend and that is a fact. No, I’m calling ‘cause I want you to put in a good word for someone I know.”

Suho was suspicious at that. “Who is this good friend? Is it one of the hostess girls trying to get a job in the real world, because I assure you, Jongin, they won’t be allowed to put on their hoochie mama outfits here—”

“It’s not a girl in a hoochie mama outfit, Suho, for God’s sake. It’s Kyungsoo’s roommate,” Jongin said, fingering his computer mouse.

“You’re trying to get a job for his roommate? Why would you do that, it’s none of your business whether or not he has a job.”

“Why can’t you ever do me a small, measly favor without questioning me? Why, Suho, why? When you need a wingman I’m always there for you, and I always mention that you’re a big shot here in Accuretta—”

“Fine,” Suho sulked. Jongin was going to list all the favors he’d ever done for Suho if that was what it took.

“Good. His name is Luhan, and he’s from China, but I guess he has a visa or whatever. He’s really good at accounts, so if you could just figure that part out on your own…”

“I can do that. In return, I have a party to go to tonight and y’know. We could chat some girls up…”

“You want me to be your wingman, as usual. Fine, fine, fine. As long as you do me that thing for Luhan.”

“Why do you want him to have a job, though, it’s only Kyungsoo you’re interested in,” Suho said wonderingly. Jongin pursed his lips. Suho was curious about the wrong thing at the wrong time, in Jongin’s opinion.

“It’s nothing.”

“Wait, now that I think about it, you want Kyungsoo to have a good impression of you, don’t you—” Jongin hung up before Suho spiraled into insanity and dragged Jongin along as well. _Quite sensationally mad_ , Jongin thought. _As_ if _I need Kyungsoo to have a good impression of me_ , Jongin rolled his eyes. Was there _anyone_ who had a bad impression of Jongin? 

*

“Oh my God, aren’t you Kim Jongin?” an obnoxious girl’s voice said loudly from behind Jongin. He sighed inwardly, turning around with a half empty champagne glass in his hand. It was the third time he’d been interrupted while texting Kyungsoo at the stupid house party Suho wanted him to attend.

“Yes. Do I know you?” Jongin said, not bothering to be polite any longer. Suho was the one who wanted to get laid tonight; Jongin didn’t know why he was the one being approached by girls when, for once in his life, was not interested.

“Well no, but,” the girl arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him suggestively, “Maybe we could get to know each other? I’ve heard _so_ much about you.” Her white teeth almost blinded Jongin. She had quite a lot of cleavage on show and her black dress showed off her toned, slim body. Jongin would’ve been interested in getting to know how long it’d take to peel her out of the dress had this party happened about a week ago, but now… He was texting Kyungsoo, for fuck’s sake.

“Not interested, sorry,” he sighed, turning his back on her to return to his phone. Kyungsoo had just texted him a short list of all the classic literature books he’d ever read. Jongin was surprised to know that he and Kyungsoo shared similar tastes in books.

The girl was undeterred. She sidled up to Jongin’s side, sitting down on the high stool beside him and crossing her legs.

“This is the first time anyone’s ever turned me down,” she said, trailing a hand over his arm. Was this her idea of getting his attention? Jongin turned his phone screen off and got out of his seat as if she’d never said a word, looking around for Suho. It was eleven already, all he wanted to do was go home if being at the party meant being constantly interrupted every time he wanted to reply Kyungsoo’s texts.

“What—Hey, did I say something wrong?” the girl called after him. Jongin walked through the marble hallways briskly, looking for Suho. He disappeared quickly among the crowd, nodding at a few people who seemed to recognize him.

Jongin and Suho had left the Accuretta building together at five, eating a quick dinner (using his coupon) at a traditional Korean restaurant and had arrived at the party in separate cars in case Suho wanted to take a girl (or more) home. The party was unexpectedly boring, and Suho quickly found his entertainment, leaving Jongin to fend for himself. Out of boredom, he’d texted Kyungsoo, only to find himself constantly exchanging texts with him till he was too absorbed with his phone to mind his surroundings.

Finally, he found Suho, or rather, _heard_ him in the bathroom by chance. A girl was moaning in the bathroom, and, since he had nothing to lose, Jongin knocked on the door: “Suho, is that you?”

“No,” he replied. Something fell from inside the bathroom.

“I’m leaving just so you know. You wanted to get laid and you’ve obviously achieved that so.”

There was a squeal, a muffled thump and a loud “Hey!” before the door flew open as Suho gaped at him, pants pooled at his knees but his underwear thankfully still on. A girl with her bra unhooked looked up at Jongin with disdain before she recognized him and giggled coquettishly. As if he was going to be interested in her after Suho had his hands (and mouth, for all he knew) on her. “You’re leaving? Without a girl? Damn, Jongin, what’s wrong with you today?” Suho said.

“Nothing,” Jongin replied, furrowing his eyebrows. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to er…”

“Cindy.”

“Get back to Cindy. I’ll be outside waiting for my driver,” Jongin said, already turning to exit the penthouse. He was sure that nobody would miss him except all the girls who had come up to him, smiling suggestively as they tossed their hair over their shoulders. Right now, all Jongin wanted to see was Kyungsoo’s shy smile and his pretty mouth.

He went down to the ground floor lobby to wait for Mr. Lee after sending him a text to come get him (he was now a texter; what else would Kyungsoo change about him?). Jongin was at some exclusive, swanky apartment, and the party was held at the top floor where the penthouse was located. He had no idea which part of Seoul he was and it felt a little lonely tonight to be standing without a partner.

 _I wish Kyungsoo was here_ , he thought irritably. Then he stopped, wondering why of all people, he’d want Kyungsoo to be there with him. He’d out of place in this lobby, the walls reeking money and luxury.

 _Maybe I want him because he’s not like me_ , Jongin thought. Speaking of Kyungsoo, he still had to reply Kyungsoo’s last text. It was something to pass time while he waited for Mr. Lee to come around.

_‘I didn’t know you were a reader. Does Luhan read with you as well?’_

_‘He’s a numbers kind of guy, not words. It’s been really nice texting you, Jongin, but I have to get up early tomorrow.’_

Jongin’s heart dropped into his stomach. He’d hoped that Kyungsoo would stay awake for him to text all night long, but it was probably dumb to think that way. _We’re not teens anymore_ , Jongin reminded himself.

_‘Okay. Keep me up to date with next Thursday’s appointment.’_

_‘Sure. Good night.’_

Jongin was about to tuck his phone away into his coat pocket when he suddenly wondered if the place Kyungsoo wanted to rent was private enough for a bit of fun. _I’ll ask while he’s still awake_ , Jongin thought, typing his message so fast that the words came out in a jumble.

_‘Is teh place you’re tryong to rent sounddproof and evrrything?’_

Kyungsoo replied with one word: _‘Why?’_

Why? What kind of question was that? Jongin wanted to fuck him up his ass, that’s why. But that sounded a bit too crass, so he typed: _‘We could get recreational. Just a friendly suggestion, of course.’_

Kyungsoo took so long to reply, Jongin thought that maybe he was ignoring his text on purpose. His phone buzzed in his pocket almost ten minutes later.

_‘I’m going to sleep now.’_

Nope, Jongin wasn’t going to have that shit. Kyungsoo couldn’t just sweep this under the rug. He typed out another quick reply: _‘So you don’t want me that way anymore?’_

This time it was Kyungsoo who replied with multiple spelling errors less than a minute after Jongin sent his message. _‘It’s nit loke that.’_

_‘Then what’s wrong? Is it private enough for me to use maybe, your riding crop? Or your flogger? Or I could tie you up…’_

_‘Floors would probably be dirty.’_ Jongin bit on his lip to stifle a smile. How lovely of Kyungsoo to reconsider.  

_‘I’ll get a yoga mat.’_

_‘Don’t pretend a guy like you does yoga.’_ What did Kyungsoo take Jongin for, some desperate Beverly Hills housewife?

_‘Of course I don’t do yoga. Only Suho does it.’_

_‘??? Okay...’_ Aha, now there was Jongin’s window of opportunity.

_‘So you’ll bring some rope? That’s good, can’t wait ;)’_

Kyungsoo took five minutes to reply his text. _‘Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to bring anything other than my camera.’_

 _‘Why the hell not? Where else would we be able to do all the things you wish we could do?’_ It was a serious question; Jongin couldn’t bring him back to his apartment and unless Kyungsoo wanted Luhan to join in, he wasn’t going to Kyungsoo’s place either.

_‘Stop texting me, I need to sleep.’_

_‘Food for thought, hyung. Where do we do the do?’_

_‘Good night.’_ Fine then, if he wanted to be that way. But there was something else Jongin wanted to say to Kyungsoo. Jongin bit his lip nervously, wondering if it’d be alright to send what he had in mind to Kyungsoo. It wasn’t dirty or flirty in any way, but rather intimate.

 _‘Dream of me.’_ Jongin stared at the screen for a long time. _Seems a bit risky_ , he thought. But it was worth a try, surely? Still, it wasn’t something he could take back once he sent it… _Fuck it_ , he thought. _Fuck it, fuck it, he wants me to beat him up anyway, this is nothing compared to what he wants._ Jongin pressed send.

“Jongin, is that you? Isn’t your car here yet?” Suho’s voice suddenly said from behind Jongin. He slipped his phone into his pocket hurriedly, suddenly feeling weirdly guilty about what he’d just sent to Kyungsoo.

“Er, no. I thought you were with Cindy upstairs?” Jongin asked. Suho had his pants up (thank God) and was looking at Jongin curiously.

“We’re done already. She’s not worth taking home, honestly… Were you texting someone just now?”

“Um, no, just uh, updating some apps,” Jongin laughed nervously.

“Oh. Well, I’ve called my driver to pick me up too. You gonna stop by the office tomorrow?” Suho asked conversationally. Jongin sighed inwardly in relief. _So he didn’t suspect anything_ , Jongin thought. Good. 

“Why? Is something interesting going to happen?” Jongin asked. Suho gave him a dry look. “No, but you never know, right?”

“That’s not how I see things,” Jongin shrugged. What would he do at the office besides sleep and eat at the cafeteria? Jongin would rather be at home, watching crap daytime TV or reading his books.

“Oh well. Anyway, there’s a meeting coming up soon with Yifan, and he wants us to go down to China.”

“Yeah, I know. When does he want us there?” Jongin asked. Suho looked at him with renewed interest. “Making an effort to work now, hmm? Never thought I’d see the day… He wants us there sometime in the first week of next month, I think.”

“Right. Will note that down somewhere to pack a bag,” Jongin replied. Suho sighed, folding his arms as they stared at the street outside, a car or two driving past once every few seconds. Jongin was dying to dig out his phone to see if Kyungsoo had replied, but with Suho here he was afraid that he’d try to peek at the phone screen and realize that he was texting Kyungsoo.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot anxiously, wondering what was taking Mr. Lee so long.

“Hey Jongin, now that I think about it, do you seriously still plan on sleeping with Kyungsoo?” Suho suddenly said. Jongin blinked at him.

“Er, I wouldn’t say I’m _planning_ on it…” His phone pinged loudly in his pocket. Jongin froze, then scratched the back of his head awkwardly, looking around like it wasn’t his phone. Suho gave him an appraising look.

“Don’t you… wanna get that?”

“Nah, it’s probably just my driver texting me back to say he’s caught in traffic or whatever. I’m fine with waiting.”

Suho lifted an eyebrow at him. “Since when do you text?”

Jongin looked at him. “Since like, forever. Why?” It was a blatant lie. He’d never texted anyone in his life, and Suho knew him since they met in college; meaning they knew each other far too well and it wasn’t looking good for Jongin right now.

“No, you don’t text. Who is it?”

“I told you, my driver.”

“How’d you know if you didn’t read the text?” Suho snapped. Surrendering, Jongin dug his phone out slowly. “Gosh, who do you think I’m texting, Suho, a murderer or something?”

“Oh, I have a pretty good idea who it might be. It’s Kyungsoo, isn’t it?” Jongin stiffened for a millisecond before he shook his head and unlocked his phone.

“No,” his voice came out in a high pitched voice. Damn.

“I knew it, you were acting so suspiciously a minute ago!” Suho accused. Jongin pulled the notifications display down from the top of his screen and stared at the text in amazement. It was a text from his mobile service, some stupid ad to promote free streaming music.

Jongin held it out to Suho without a word. “I don’t wanna read your texts to Kyungsoo, for God’s sake,” he grumbled.

Jongin pushed it at Suho’s face. He finally glanced at it, and blinked a few times in mild surprise.

“Who’s paranoid now, bitch?” Jongin laughed, turning his phone off. It was relief that it wasn’t actually a text from Kyungsoo, but it miffed him to think that Kyungsoo had ignored his text. _Dear God_ , Jongin thought in silent horror. _I’ve become a teenage girl. I’m actually worried if Kyungsoo’s seen the text or not._   

“I’m sure you’ve been texting him the whole night. You think I didn’t notice you sitting by the bar tonight, mooning over your phone for the last few hours?” Suho said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice. He could be as annoyed as he wanted to be; Kyungsoo didn’t send him a text so na na nana na.

“I wasn’t texting Kyungsoo. I was texting my sister,” Jongin huffed. She was somewhere in Japan probably, promoting her label and so forth. The last time he spoke to her, he was still in college. Needless to say, they weren’t very close. The age gap between himself and his sisters were just too large to fill with meaningless conversation.

“Oh yeah? Bet you didn’t know your sister is in the news, after hooking up with some billionaire from Europe,” Suho remarked.

“Mind what you say, Suho… Of course I know my sister hooked up with that billionaire from Europe.” He meant that he was texting his second sister from Japan, but Suho was talking about his other sister, the eldest one. Whatever his sisters wanted to do, he would stay out of it. He was the youngest in the family so it wasn’t like they’d listen to his advice (not that he’d give any).

“Aren’t you worried about your sisters? Kyungsoo isn’t the only person in this world who matters, you know,” Suho said.

“Oh please, my sisters can take care of themselves. We were never close so it’s not like I can change things. And why are we talking about my sisters? This conversation is getting out of hand.”

Suho sneered at him. “Do you ever think about what it might be like if your sisters found out that you’re trying to get into some other guy’s pants?”

Jongin pursed his lips. His second sister, who would probably have seen wilder things in Japan than homosexuals, would most likely say, “Congrats, Jongin. You grew up.” His other sister would say, “How did it feel like?” while blowing cigarette smoke in his face, because homosexuals wouldn’t be the most exciting thing she’d ever hear about either.

“They wouldn’t care, Suho. They’re more like distant cousins than siblings,” Jongin said.

“I don’t mean what would they think about the gay part, Jongin, I mean what would they think if they found out about it through some tabloid news. Wouldn’t want the press to get it out there that you’re gay and sleeping around or something like that. Not that I care, you know, but I don’t know what investors might think.”

 _Ah. I_ thought _the sister question was starting to get personal…_

“Yes, well, no one knows about it so far. Kyungsoo’s been dropping by my office more often than usual, true, but I could call in other people just for show. Maybe shake them up a bit so they think I’m being hard on Kyungsoo.”

“Yes, but you’re actually just coming onto him,” Suho smiled.

“Shut up,” Jongin said half heartedly, pretending to punch Suho on the arm. Suho sighed, looking at Jongin.

“Not that I’m against gay people, Jongin but… you really don’t look like someone who’d even consider walking down that road.”

Jongin shrugged. What could he say? Kyungsoo had more substance than any other girl in Jongin’s social circle, and it was refreshing to see what real struggle to have some sort of standing in this world looked like. He was not disillusioned; Jongin knew he was lucky enough to always be able to take the easy way out in life. People like Kyungsoo and Luhan didn’t have it as good as Jongin did. Bullying, working for some crime lord with full knowledge that it was illegal… Those were real struggles. The only real struggle Jongin had was whether or not Kyungsoo had read his text.

“He’s different,” Jongin finally replied. It was all Jongin could think of without spilling too much. It was enough that they knew he wanted to get romantically involved with Kyungsoo, never mind the vibrators and riding crops that Jongin wanted to use on him.

Their cars came not long after that. They waved goodbye each other and headed in opposite directions.

“Sorry for the hold up, sir. Traffic jam on the highway because there was an accident. You might be getting home late, sir,” Mr. Lee said apologetically. Jongin shook his head. “It’s okay, I’m not in a hurry to get home.”

“Honestly, sir?” Mr. Lee said, lilting his sentence into a question.

“Hmm?”

“I thought you’d be bringing company.” Mr. Lee sounded amused.  

Jongin chuckled, looking out of the window to stare at the starless night sky above. “Me too, Mr. Lee. I thought I’d be coming home with a girl on my arms but,” he sighed. “There wasn’t anyone interesting enough.”

“Did you have a good time anyway, sir?”

Jongin shrugged. “I guess I did.” But it wasn’t the party he enjoyed. His entertainment was miles away, probably already asleep in his bed while Jongin was still in his Rolls Royce, thinking of Kyungsoo.    

 


	7. he hit me and it felt like a kiss

Next week came relatively slowly. Jongin had quite a lot of things done (without even stepping a foot into the Accuretta building) while he waited for Kyungsoo to give him the okay on the photo session.

First of all, on Tuesday he managed to pass along a message to Luhan through Kyungsoo that if he applied for a job as an accountant within the week, he’d probably get the job without a hitch. Kyungsoo was surprised that Jongin came through with his promise and thanked him somewhat begrudgingly.

 _‘I’m not some selfish bastard who just wants to play with you,’_ Jongin had texted to Kyungsoo with a secret smile.

_‘I never said you were. And I just think you’re only around for the fun of it…’_

Jongin wanted to shake Kyungsoo by the shoulders and kiss him with all his might when he read his text in the sanctity of his own bedroom. He couldn’t tell if Kyungsoo was flirting with him or he was just being honest. Regardless, Jongin was helpless smitten with Kyungsoo before Thursday ever came around. He grimaced at himself whenever he looked at the mirror; it was disgustingly weird to look at his smiling reflection every time he thought of Kyungsoo.

On Wednesday, Jongin bought some unorthodox items for the upcoming photo session. If the photo session didn’t work out, he’d still find a way to put the items he’d bought to use anyway… He bought a riding crop for horse riding online with his credit card at a relatively cheap price, and it was express delivered less than four days later. If Kyungsoo didn’t want to bring a riding crop, well, he had one now.

However, a riding crop wasn’t the only thing he bought online. Somehow, searching for appropriate spanking implements led to searching up sex positions. And that landed him from the Kama Sutra to an online sex toys shop where he purchased a sex swing on impulse. Apparently there were all sorts of positions one could try, and since he could go anal with pretty much anyone, why not? As a plus, he’d be able to strap Kyungsoo into something too, and that on its own had tons of sex appeal.

Though he’d have to call in somebody to install some hooks into the ceiling… Still, it was worth the effort. His spare room beside his bedroom was begging to be used, and a room where he could have sexy fun sounded good. He just had to be careful when inviting people over to his apartment then. 

Jongin also went to a sports equipment store during the weekend and asked for a paddle usually used for playing cricket. It was, of course, for nothing remotely linked to cricket. He was offered by the sales assistant a good quality paddle made of some kind of heavy wood with ten holes drilled into it. He asked the boy with terminal acne why some paddles had holes whereas other didn’t. Apparently, the holes were there to lessen air resistance and therefore, one could strike faster in a game of cricket.

“Be careful with it though,” the sales assistant had warned Jongin, “If you hit anything else with the paddle like someone’s leg by accident, it has quite a sting. My friend hit his brother with it for fun and it left a bruise on him for weeks.”

Jongin said, “Oh? In that case, I’ll take it.”

The final task he had done on Monday was to call a handyman to come into his apartment to do a bit of redecorating to his spare bedroom. He wanted the man to put up a few hooks in the empty room, strong enough to carry the weight of half a ton.

The guy said okay easily enough, and set to work at once on Tuesday, drilling and pounding and so on in the empty, windowless room with nothing in it except an air conditioner while Jongin lolled around in the living room watching TV in case there was something the man would need. He was also staying out of the man’s way in case he wanted to know why Jongin needed hooks installed in an empty room. Jongin just hoped that maybe the handyman would guess that Jongin wanted to use them for kinky reasons and would leave it alone without asking any prying questions.

While watching reruns of a soap drama on KBS, it suddenly occurred to Jongin that even if he had the hooks installed, he’d need a bit of furniture and other miscellaneous pieces to spruce up the room. He couldn’t leave the house because of the handyman, but he could get Taewoon to shop around for him.

Jongin dialed his office up, drumming his fingers on his soft leather sofa. “Accuretta Systems, Mr. Kim’s office,” Sehun said in a dull voice.

“Hi, I’m Kim Jongin and I’d like to speak to Taewoon?”

Sehun was silent for a moment. “What the fuck do you want?”

“To speak to Taewoon,” Jongin replied, puzzled. Was Sehun deaf? He sighed over the phone and there was a rustling sound before Taewoon’s chirpy voice said, “Hello, Mr. Kim, what can I do for you?”

“Hi, I’d like you to get me some items from the furniture store…” He told Taewoon to get a daybed made of velvet, preferably red or black. He also told Taewoon to get a medium sized chest of drawers so that he could keep all his kinky items. “Make sure the drawers can be locked,” he said to Taewoon. As for light fixtures, Jongin told him to get the strangest looking one in the store; he really didn’t care about lights so long as it could light up the room nicely enough. Lastly, a plain carpet made of any material, as long as it was soft and fluffy.

“Also, if you have the time, buy me a can of paint. Get me some in magenta and use the company credit card. I think Sehun has it.”

“Are you redecorating, sir?” Taewoon asked. Jongin could hear him scribbling everything down on a piece of paper in the background. “I guess you could say so. Have everything delivered by today or tomorrow, at the very latest. Do or say whatever you need to.”

“Yes, sir. Oh, Sehun would like to speak to you,” Taewoon said. He passed the phone to Sehun before Jongin could think of hanging up.

“Why are you treating Taewoon like a Saint Bernard? And why would you need a daybed, Jongin, you have your own proper sofa for fuck’s sake,” Sehun hissed. Faintly, Jongin could hear Taewoon say goodbye to Sehun.

“I needed some furniture to fill up my empty spare room. You know the one, behind the living room—”

“I know full well where it is and what you intend to do in there. You’re building some kind of sex room, aren’t you?” Sehun snapped in a low voice. Let no one ever say Sehun can’t tell it like it is. Jongin chuckled.

“Just let Taewoon buy me the items and you won’t hear about this ever again.” Jongin clicked off before Sehun could murmur a string of obscene swear words down the phone.

-

Jongin was pleasantly busy for the rest of the day. Taewoon sent him many photos of all the daybeds and chests of drawers he could find in three furniture stores. Jongin bought a daybed in a subtle shade of harlot red for 899 dollars and a simple chest of drawers for 500 dollars over lunch (he ordered takeout for himself and the handyman). The carpet was easily found; Jongin bought a black, fluffy carpet large enough to cover the floor of the room at only 700 dollars. Taewoon even managed to get the can of paint for Jongin, but the last item proved to be more elusive than Jongin expected.

All the pictures of the weird looking light fixtures just didn’t fit Jongin’s aesthetic. He wanted something dark, something no one else would ever think of buying and a light fixture that Kyungsoo might like as well. There were heavy looking chandeliers, innovative lights made of fiber wires and even lights shaped like animals, but none of them looked right.

Taewoon wandered the streets of Seoul on Jongin’s behalf till four in the afternoon. Even the furniture and carpet came in, and he still couldn’t find a single light fixture close to what Jongin wanted. It wasn’t until he stumbled into an antique furniture store minutes before the shop would close up for the day that Taewoon texted Jongin excitedly.

 _‘I think I found it, Mr. Kim!’_  

_‘Send me a pic.’_

He was doubtful while he waited for the photo to load; Taewoon’s idea of strange wasn’t morbid enough for Jongin, but when he saw the picture of the light fixture, he knew it was the one. _‘Get it, no matter the price,’_ he sent to Taewoon at once.

It was a light fixture in the shape of a deer’s head made of some kind of metal; it looked like dirty gold to Jongin. The horns were the most interesting characteristic of the deer’s head. Rather than jutting outwards like the head, it lay flat against the wall, although Jongin could see small joints where the dull glowing pieces of metal were fused to one another at different angles to form the shape of the horns. It looked like the deer was trying to materialize out of the wall, and it was unusual but perfect. Jongin’s phone pinged with a message from Taewoon.

_‘The horns stretch up to one meter across. One of a kind custom piece, the owner says. Light comes from the back of the head. Costs 650. Take it?’_

_‘Without a doubt,’_ Jongin replied Taewoon’s text. One meter across… It was going to be a hell of a light fixture, that was for sure. 

“Mr. Kim?”

Jongin looked up at the handyman who had stuck his head out of the room. “Yes?” he replied blandly.

“The hooks are done. Would you like to take a look?” he asked. _About time_ , Jongin thought. He never knew putting up a few hooks into the ceiling would take so long.

“Sure,” Jongin got up from his seat. His ass was numb from having sat down all day, but he had accomplished enough today. Jongin entered the room where the hooks were sticking out from the ceiling. There were about eight hooks, all in different spots and Jongin wondered if the handyman had already guessed at Jongin’s intentions.

“Damn. So this is it? I can hang whatever I want here?” Jongin said, peering up at the ceiling.  

“Yup. So long as it doesn’t weigh over half a ton, of course. Say um, I saw a can of paint arriving with your new furniture. Do you need someone to paint the walls?” the handyman asked. Jongin blinked before answering him uncertainly.

“…You know what, yeah, I _do_ need someone to paint it. I actually forgot that I don’t have a paint brush or anything like that with me.”

The handyman laughed good naturedly. “I can paint it for you tomorrow, sir, if you want me to. Though I will be charging you differently for that…”

Jongin waved a hand. “Charge away. Thank you for reminding me that I actually have to paint the walls. For now though, I think your work is done, right?” Jongin said. The handyman nodded, picking some tools up from the ground and placing them all in his duffel bag.

“So I’ll come in tomorrow to do the walls, hm? And thank you for the lunch sir, it was very kind of you,” the handyman said sincerely. _God_ , Jongin thought, _I have accidentally been too nice to people now._ Damn, it was all Kyungsoo’s fault.   

“Don’t mention it. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Oh, bring your tools tomorrow though, I have something else for you to put up on the walls,” Jongin said, remembering the deer’s head. He dug his phone out to see if Taewoon had sent it out yet.

 _‘Mr. Kim, I’m on the way to deliver the head for you. The shop said it was too late to send out today_ TT.TT’

Well that was certainly very Saint Bernard-ish of Taewoon. Whatever then, Jongin said okay and let the handyman out, pacing the living room anxiously while he waited for his deer’s head to arrive. Taewoon said that he’d be running late due to traffic, which did nothing for Jongin’s pent up energy. By then, he was too antsy from sitting in his home all day and wanted someone to entertain him.

 _I could call Chanyeol to see what he thinks about my new room_ , Jongin thought. Chanyeol was the most open friend he knew, and would certainly check out the room without questioning him too much. _Or maybe he will, but it’s easier to explain things to him than to Suho or Sehun_ , he thought. If Chanyeol could come over then they could get something to eat together too.

“Do you want to park Chanyeol or ride Chanyeol?”

Jongin made a face at Chanyeol’s way of answering the phone. “Neither. But I’d like Chanyeol to come over to my place tonight to keep me company.”

“As I have said before, Jongin, you’re a nice guy and all that but I’m just not interested in you,”  Chanyeol replied. Why couldn’t his friends be a bit more normal? “I meant, come over and tell me if the things I bought for my spare room are tasteful enough for a person of my standing and have dinner with me after that, not come over and we’ll get frisky with each other.”

“Oh. Well, that can be easily arranged. I was going to visit a few clubs tonight though… Wanna come? I can be there in fifteen minutes; I’m in your area.”

“Excellent.”

Exactly twenty minutes later, Chanyeol in his giant, black hat from Forever 21 was standing in the middle of Jongin’s living room, his large eyes assessing Jongin’s latest buys. Jongin had ripped off the plastic off the couch and drawers before he came, and had even unrolled a bit of the carpet for Chanyeol to test out with his hands. It all seemed to look good together, but you never know with Chanyeol. Jongin wasn’t born with his fine eye for luxury items. 

“The daybed’s a bit… whore-ish, don’t you think? Like you bought it secondhand from the owner of a brothel,” Chanyeol said, running his hands over the velvet. His hand left a handprint from where he touched it, and Jongin almost shuddered at the thought of Kyungsoo lying nude on the daybed, his white skin almost dazzling against the bright red of the daybed…

“And the carpet is alright, but I’ve seen better, you should get a Persian carpet next time. Very exotic and elegant… Still, this is soft enough if you plan on fucking Kyungsoo over it,” Chanyeol shrugged. Jongin snapped out of his dirty thoughts and stared at Chanyeol.

“Who says I’m going to fuck Kyungsoo on the damned carpet?” 

“Oh, come _on_ , Jongin, nobody’s stupid enough to believe you bought a soft carpet _and_ a daybed for no other reason than to decorate your room. It’s _so_ obvious that you plan to bring _someone_ in for a frisky good time,” Chanyeol rolled his eyes. Thank goodness that Jongin hid the sports equipment he had bought in his room then.

“I bet you’re gonna paint the walls of your room some kind of dark and morose color too, right?” Chanyeol said, feeling the velvety surface of the daybed before he suddenly spotted the can of paint behind it.

Chanyeol tutted away as he picked it up, weighing it in his hands for a moment before putting it down and shaking his head at Jongin.

“Ugh, stop judging me, alright, I know Kyungsoo’s a guy—”

“That’s not why I’m shaking my head at you,” Chanyeol cut in seriously. Jongin thought he was joking, but there wasn’t a twinkle in his eyes that was usually there if he was joking around, and neither was he smiling.

“It’s just… you’re going to some pretty extreme lengths just to sleep with somebody. Are you sure you’re not—”

The buzzer from the door interrupted Chanyeol’s sentence. “That’ll be the deer’s head,” Jongin said, making his way to the door to let Taewoon in. “You went hunting and stuffed a deer’s head?” Chanyeol called out from behind him. “Not exactly,” he replied distractedly. He flung the door open and saw Taewoon standing at his doorstep with his knees bent while he struggled to carry the full weight of the light fixture, made all the more heavier from the tight plastic wrapped around it for protection. _Jesus, it’s bigger than I thought._ “Hi,” Taewoon said weakly.  

Jongin reached over just in time to grab the deer’s horns before Taewoon fell over backwards and they shuffled into the apartment together, squeezing through the tiny doorway. Chanyeol was as unhelpful as ever, sitting down on the sofa as he watched the struggle with the entire, unrelenting length of the light fixture.

“Could you get the door for us?” Jongin grunted at Chanyeol, motioning with his chin towards the spare room’s closed door.

“Oh, I thought you had it all handled,” Chanyeol said nonchalantly, standing up slowly to swing the door open for them. Jongin bit down on a stinging comment, reminding himself that Chanyeol was like this with everyone. After a bit of shuffling about and poking the plastic because Jongin couldn’t get a grip on it, they got in— _barely_ —and set it down on the ground, letting it lean against the wall carefully. The horns took up a good part of the wall, but as Jongin thought, it looked absolutely fabulous. Even Chanyeol couldn’t deny its steam punk beauty when he joined them to admire it once the plastic was ripped off.

“Now this is something worth every won you spent on it,” Chanyeol said, touching the horns. The head, Jongin noticed, wasn’t as defined as one might think it would be. It just had the important features; eyes and nostrils. It was completely smooth, without any small indentations made to emulate as fur. It looked great anyway; smooth, uncomplicated and straight to the point. “It’s gonna look hella great once you put it up. Where are you going to hang it?” Chanyeol asked.

Jongin pointed at the wall above the chest of drawers. Chanyeol’s mouth twisted to one side for a moment, perhaps picturing it in his head for a few seconds before he nodded his approval. “That’s a good spot, yeah. The drawers are dark too, so I think they’ll complement each other,” Chanyeol said.

“Yes, I think so too. Anyway, here are the receipts for all the things I bought today, Mr. Kim, so…” Taewoon dug into his pocket but Jongin stopped him.

“Let Sehun handle everything. Or get him to teach you how to handle it, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the receipts anyway,” Jongin shrugged. “Oh. Right. Well, if there’s nothing else I can do for you, sir…?” Taewoon said, shoving the receipts back into his pocket.

“Nope. You can go home now,” Jongin smiled at him. “Thank you, sir. I’ll see myself out,” he said, bowing slightly before walking out of the room. Chanyeol barely noticed his exit, feeling up the horns and the deer’s head like he was looking for something. “Er, Chanyeol, I think you will find that the horns are not in fact, the limbs of your girlfriend,” Jongin said, clearing his throat.

“Is this custom made? There’s nothing on it to indicate who designed this hunk of metal,” Chanyeol said, ignoring his jibe.

“Yeah, it’s custom made apparently. By who, I wonder? Taewoon found it at an antiques store,” Jongin supplied. Chanyeol gave up on fondling the horn and settled for staring it again.

“An unknown designer maybe. It’s still quite a showy piece, very unlike you, Jongin. Did you pick this out to impress someone in particular?” Chanyeol asked, waggling his eyebrows at Jongin.

“No,” Jongin said, miffed. “I just picked it out ‘cause it’s pretty.”

“But it’s so unlike you.”

“Well, maybe you don’t know me well enough,” Jongin huffed. He did have a theme to stick to; he couldn’t very well hang a plain looking lamp or something in the room. This room deserved a center piece, and it was this magnificent deer’s head in all its dull gold and horn-y glory… Jongin laughed to himself at that joke.

“Oh God, now you’re laughing without telling me the punch line. What’s wrong, am I too fat for this hat? I _knew_ it was too small for me,” Chanyeol muttered, adjusting the hat on his head.

“No, no, it’s just that… The deer’s head is horny,” Jongin said, before laughing soundlessly, bending over as he tried to stop himself from laughing and failing miserably. Chanyeol tried to pretend it wasn’t funny, but soon they were making the weirdest noises, unable to breathe and unable to laugh properly.

-

Jongin waved his hands in the air, moving around to the beat of some Rihanna song as a girl flexed her hips over Jongin’s crotch. “Another round of shots!” Chanyeol’s voice shouted from the bar, before he hollered, spilling half of his drink on himself. _Oh yes_ , Jongin thought, _this is the life_. They’d been here for three hours already and he felt he could go on till morning light.

“Babe, you wanna go some place private?” the girl in front of Jongin asked huskily, running her acrylic nails over his jaw. She was pretty; high cheekbones accentuated with heavy makeup and smoky eyes. Her skimpy little silver party dress revealed her chest and long, tanned legs and occasionally, a flash of pink nipples every time she threw her head back against Jongin’s body.

Jongin had been drinking enough to feel like he was walking on air, but sleeping with her felt like biting down on something vile and bitter. “After a few more drinks,” he replied honestly. Why couldn’t they just dance? The girl smiled as if she’d just found something very shiny and expensive, wrapping her arms around his neck possessively.

Jongin shimmied with her to the bar, throwing a shot back into his throat and swallowing quickly. “I got something that’ll make you trip, Jongin, do you wanna try it out?” she asked, sipping on a Cosmopolitan she’d left at the bar some time ago.

“How do you know my name?” he asked stupidly. She said, “Everyone knows you.” He didn’t come here to get laid or to be recognized. He just wanted to dance a little bit, get drunk and go home, period. But this girl insisted that she had something that he was going to absolutely love once he tried it and so Jongin sighed, letting her pull him into the men’s room. This better not take too long, he was thinking of going home to maybe, drunk dial Kyungsoo for a bit.

“Let’s get this down with quickly then,” he muttered, unbuckling his pants. She laughed in a throaty way that sounded like she was trying too hard as she locked the door but whatever, he was here for a quickie and he’d be out in the crowd again. Lucky enough for the both of them, he brought a condom (because you never know) in his pocket. Instead of taking off her clothes though, the girl dug out something from her boob area and held out a small packet of white powder at Jongin.

“And what’s this?” Jongin asked flatly. He’d done drugs before (who hadn’t?) in college, but only because he knew the dealer. For all he knew, this could be one of those drugs that could poison him and have him on his back in less than an hour. The girl caught his expression and tried to reassure him.

“I’ve snorted this before. It’s designer ice, honey, and it doesn’t have much of a come down, so you’ll feel fine in the morning,” she smiled slyly. “If you don’t believe me, I’ll snort it first for you.”

Jongin shrugged. She could do whatever she wanted. He lifted her up and placed her by the sink, running his hands up the skirt of her dress and digging his fingers into what felt like her g-string. Pulling it down at the same time she ripped the plastic packet open, he watched her pour some of the white powder down beside the sink and use the plastic packet to line it up, making a thin line of powder.

Leaning over, she pressed one side of her nose and sniffed the half line up into her nose. Throwing her head back a bit, she inhaled and exhaled a few times, pinching her nose between her fingers tightly before she said, “Okay, let’s do it.”

The confidence in her voice surprised him though he didn’t show it. He started by kissing her red lipstick off her mouth, smearing it all over her jaw and chin. He could see that his face looked no better than hers in the reflection of the mirror, but it was a small price to pay once she started to giggle in his arms and slid her dress over her shoulder, exposing her extra large breasts.

They were obviously plastic, but felt real enough when Jongin fondled it with a hand, rubbing his palm over her nipple till it peaked and became hard. The thought came unbidden to him, but he couldn’t help but suddenly wonder if Kyungsoo had pink nipples like this girl before him, or darker, brown ones.

 _Maybe this won’t be so hard_ , Jongin thought. She moaned, eyes closed as she locked her ankles around Jongin’s waist. It was _so_ wrong and he’d never even done this before, but he suddenly wanted to imagine that this girl was Kyungsoo instead. As soon as he closed his eyes in feigned pleasure as he bit down on her left nipple, _Kyungsoo’s_ nipple, his pants grew uncomfortably tight and suddenly all he wanted was to rip everything off her.

“See, honey, it isn’t cheap stuff. Have some, won’t you?” she whispered, pressing his face to her chest. His hand was under her dress, feeling her up to see if she was wet yet. He slid a finger into her and she bucked under his touch, heels digging into his back as she tried to ride his finger.

“Maybe I will have some now,” he smirked. If she was going to keep moaning and crying out in her girly voice, he might need some of that ice to take reality away and bring Kyungsoo into his arms.

Snorting two thirds of the line rather messily, the powder burned its way through his nostrils and down his throat. He didn’t want to get _too_ high, just enough to get through with this girl. The ice hit him almost immediately, making the lights above him seem as bright as the sun and the girl’s dramatic moans volumes louder.

“Keep it down, will you,” he muttered, and she obeyed, thinking that he wanted her quiet because he didn’t want anyone to walk in on them. He grabbed a fistful of her hair, tasting the alcohol on her lips as he kissed her hard, viciously and cruelly because she was the wrong person at the right time. Her hand felt around the sink for the condom he’d left unopened, and she made herself useful by opening the foil packet and tugging his boxers down, nimble fingers wrapping around his cock.

“Put it on,” he said, pulling her closer to himself. The ice clearly was pure; it had only been a few minutes since he snorted it up his nose and he was already seeing new colors in his eyes as she rolled the condom on, kissing him like she was afraid he’d leave her without satisfying both of their needs.

When it was on, Jongin let her squirm forward onto his cock, pressing her chest to Jongin’s mouth again.

“Touch me, baby, please,” she said. He obliged her, grabbing her ass—or what was there on her rump; there wasn’t much to grip—and squeezed her ass cheeks, coaxing her onto his cock. She was tight as his cock slid into her, fucking her slowly. Her mouth dropped open in soundless desire, fingers digging into his shoulders. The girl’s cunt was hot and gripping him like a vice, and it didn’t take much to imagine that this was probably what it felt like to fuck Kyungsoo’s ass. He’d have much more of an ass, that was for sure. This girl trying to fuck his cock was too skinny for his taste.

 _You’ll have to do_ , he thought. She started to bounce on Jongin’s cock, long legs latched around Jongin’s own to lift herself up momentarily before sucking him back into her cunt. All Jongin did was hold her, kiss her and imagine that her skin was ten shades brighter and her cunt would be Kyungsoo’s ass, making beautiful wet sounds on Jongin’s hard cock.

_How many times did you hit yourself?_

_Five._

 Jongin wanted to be the one to cause red marks and lines all over Kyungsoo, wanted to be the one who could break him down to tears and still have him beg for more pain. He felt his cock twitch at the thought of flogging Kyungsoo, and a pulse of heat swept through him, warm and sweet as he rode closely to the edge of orgasm. They both started sweating, their skin wet and slick from their rough fucking and the airless surroundings.

Someone was banging on the bathroom door, but Jongin and the girl couldn’t hear it. All they could hear was the sound of his cock thrusting deep into her and their own ragged breaths, trying to get more friction.

He’d had his hands on the girl’s waist to help lift her up, but on an impulse thought, he suddenly reached up to grab her hair and pulled it back painfully. She cried out incoherently, and it was in her real voice, a little lower than her mewls and small cries. It was probably the ice and the pleasure pumping through Jongin’s veins, but he thought it sounded a lot like Kyungsoo crying out.

He came into the condom, spurting white streaks as his hips stuttered and she came as well, tightening around him with a hoarse scream. It felt like sweet bliss to come at the thought of Kyungsoo, the sinfulness of it making it all the better. His heart pounded in his ears erratically, as loud as the muffled thumping throughout the bathroom from the other side of the door.   

Jongin pulled out of her a few seconds later, sliding the condom off and tossing it into the toilet bowl behind him. She leaned back on the large mirror, panting, legs spread wide open in an obscene show. His head was spinning now, but in a good way, and it was time to get back to the party outside now that he was finally done.

 _Wasn’t bad_ , Jongin thought. Probably the best sex he’d had thinking of someone else. He did his pants up quickly, already heading to the door.

“Jongin baby, don’t you want more ice?” the girl called after him, giggling as she brought her legs and looked around for her white powder. “No,” Jongin replied. He didn’t need the ice when Kyungsoo was the best kind of drug.

He unlocked the door and quickly blended into the crowd of hot and sweaty bodies to avoid the girl from the bathroom. Jongin didn’t want her to think she had a hold on him now that they’ve had sex; they were finished and he sincerely hoped they wouldn’t run into each other again in the club. Jongin danced around a few other girls, all of them smiling up at him in recognition. He was tired of being recognized now though. Why couldn’t he be a nobody for one day in his life and have fun as an anonymous stranger and not some rich kid from the newspaper?

Jongin had had enough of dancing and decided to just sit at the bar until Chanyeol was ready to go home. At first, he couldn’t find Chanyeol, but then through the haze of the ice in his head, he suddenly heard Chanyeol’s voice over the speakers.

Jesus, he was rapping to G-Dragon and TOP’s High High. _He better hope no one recognizes him_ , Jongin thought, motioning to the bartender with his credit card to pay for all the drinks they already had just in case he couldn’t make it through the night without passing out. To pass time, he ordered an iced Americano to hopefully dull the effects of the ice on him. Thank God he didn’t sniff the entire line otherwise he’d be up onstage with Chanyeol, pretending to be TOP and God knows who else.

He spent forty five minutes just staring into the distance, letting the music and people wash over him like a wave. _God, the ice is good_ , he thought. He was itching to join everyone in the crowd, but restrained himself. Lord only knew what sort of people were dancing in the club and what if he lost his credit card or phone? Then he’d be in serious trouble.

 _For someone who’s tripping on ice, I’m quite sensible, hmm?_ He thought. Then Northern Lights started to appear in his vision and he knew it was time for another cup of coffee. The bartender gave him a sympathetic smile as he placed a tall glass of iced Americano in front of Jongin.

“Waiting’ for your friend, that wild guy over there?” he asked.

“Yeah. We came together so I can’t leave him,” Jongin shrugged. He didn’t mind if Chanyeol wanted to rap his lungs out tonight, but he needed something to distract him while waiting for Chanyeol to finish his ‘concert’. He was rapping to a Jay-Z song before Jongin finally figured out what to do now that he was so bored.

He dug out his phone, checking to see if there were any messages. Suho had texted him: _‘Are you with Chanyeol? His mom called me to check up on him.’_ “Ugh,” Jongin blanched. How did Suho get Chanyeol’s mom’s phone number and vice versa? A disturbing thought. He briefly texted back to say that he was with Chanyeol, and to not expect him to come home till the late a.m.

His phone told him that it was now one a.m. and it was possible that Kyungsoo was asleep but Jongin wanted to text him, hear his voice even, except that it was too noisy to hear himself think. Jongin settled for texting, but promised himself that he would call Kyungsoo up if he didn’t reply in ten minutes.

_‘Are you awake?’_

Jongin fiddled with his phone in his hand while drinking up his Americano, waiting for Kyungsoo to reply. The minutes couldn’t have gone by any slower, but to his surprise, Kyungsoo replied him three minutes later.

_‘Are YOU awake?’_

Oh, how Jongin missed this.

 _‘Don’t be silly, of course I am. Just thought I’d tell you that I’ve been redecorating my place and I hope one day you’ll come up to my place to see how everything turned out ;) ;)_ ’ He added two winkies for maximum flirtation and hoped Kyungsoo would get the hint.

_‘Cool.’_

Jongin rolled his eyes at Kyungsoo’s reply, resisting the urge to smash his phone on the counter of the bar. He really couldn’t tell if Kyungsoo was ignoring the way he was trying to flirt with him or if Kyungsoo was just too shy to respond to it. Jongin tried again; nothing came easy in this world anyway.

_‘Would you like to know where I am?’_

_‘If you will.’_

Jongin almost snorted at that. What kind of guy said ‘If you will’? He wasn’t even sure what that meant, but since Kyungsoo was still texting him back…

 _‘At some club in Hongdae, thinking of you. I would dance with you, you know, if you ever came up to me at a club like this.’_ There was no need for a winking smiley in this text.

However, Kyungsoo’s reply almost made Jongin fall off his seat. _‘Funny, I’m in Hongdae too.’_

Jongin dialed Kyungsoo up at once, too antsy to type out a reply. It ringed a few times, and Jongin thought Kyungsoo was lying about being in Hongdae until the call went through and there was a second of hesitation before Kyungsoo said, “Hello? Jongin?”

“Hyung, where are you?” Jongin asked, getting up to walk away from the dance floor. He made his way to the entrance as Kyungsoo said something to him.

“What?” Jongin yelled.

“I’m in Hongdae with Luhan. He wanted me to come along just in case anything happened,” Kyungsoo repeated himself.

“Oh.” Disappointment lay heavily over Jongin’s heart. He’d thought that maybe Kyungsoo had followed him to Hongdae or something, but of course. Luhan looked like a pretty wild guy, why wouldn’t he be out partying as well?

“Which club are you at then?” Jongin asked.

“I’m at a karaoke bar. Luhan’s dealing with… you know. People,” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin understood. The loan sharks must’ve called him out for some reason and Kyungsoo was his backup in case something bad might happen.

“Can I come see you?” Jongin asked, chewing his bottom lip.

Kyungsoo was silent on the other line. “If you’re in Hongdae you can’t be that far away…” Jongin said, almost pleading with Kyungsoo.

“I—I wouldn’t mind it, Jongin, it’s just that I don’t want you to get hurt or anything.”

That could easily be remedied. “I have my bodyguard with me. Just tell me where you are, I’ll see you for a minute and then I’ll leave you alone. Promise.”

“I don’t know, Jongin…”

“If you don’t tell me where you are I’ll just make Mr. Lee drive around Hongdae till I find you. Do you want me to do that?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo sighed over the phone. There was a murmur from someone in the back, and it was quiet for awhile before Kyungsoo said, “Just for a little while then. I’m at Good Karaoke, you know the one with the really flashy neon lights?”

Jongin did know it, and practically ran out of the club where Mr. Lee was parked by the curb, waiting patiently for him. He was leaning against the car and bowed slightly when Jongin came out of the club.

“Got a friend to meet, Mr. Lee. Take me to that flashy karaoke place please. And fast, we need to come back in case Chanyeol wants to leave and he can’t find us,” Jongin said to him, getting into the car quickly. “Flashy karaoke place, sir?” Mr. Lee echoed.

“I’ll show you the way,” Jongin said.

It took less than five minutes to find the place since the roads were deserted and there were only a few cars parked by the sidewalk. They passed the occasional pedestrian, girls wearing short and tight dresses alongside heavy makeup. When they got there, Kyungsoo was waiting outside at the entrance. The headlights washed over him and he looked up at the same time Jongin noticed that he was holding his camera in his hands. 

“Wait for me to come back. I won’t be long,” Jongin said to Mr. Lee. He got out of the car, taking five strides to stand in front of Kyungsoo, who shuffled around uncomfortably under his gaze.

“Hey,” Jongin breathed, trying to keep his hands off him.

“Hi. Were you planning on actually saying something or are you just being excessive by driving all the way here to see me?”

“Well, I’m wounded by your suspicion, Kyungsoo. I _did_ have something to say to you, only I want you to hear me say it face-to-face so I know what you think,” Jongin said, smiling down at him.

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, hands gripping the camera in his hands. “We could go inside the karaoke room. Luhan is in another room so it’ll be the two of us…”

“And no else? Perfect,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo nodded awkwardly and turned to re enter the karaoke place, leading him down a hall of doors. He stopped at room 11 and opened the door, letting Jongin into the dark room before he closed the door behind himself. The room was plain, identical to all the rest; there was a low table, an L-shaped sofa and nothing more.  

“How is the photo session shaping up, hyung? I hope you’ve got the place you wanted, otherwise we could always go to my apartment…” he trailed off suggestively, taking a seat on the sofa. Kyungsoo sat across Jongin and cleared his throat, clearly pretending to ignore the suggestion in Jongin’s words.

“It’s actually shaping up okay. I was going to text you in the morning to say that the landlord of one of the apartments says it’s okay to use his place for a day at a pretty good price.” _Shame_ , Jongin thought. _Would’ve loved to have tested out my new swing on him._

“Well, I’m glad then. And I must ask, Kyungsoo…” Kyungsoo bit down on his lower lip tantalizingly, “Why is your trusty camera with us tonight? Were you planning on taking a few photos tonight?” Jongin asked, crossing his legs.

“Yeah, I was going to do it after Luhan finished up his work, and you called me out so I didn’t want to leave it in the room without anyone to look after it…” Kyungsoo babbled and then slowly cut himself off.

“Didn’t think you took pictures of anything but myself.”

Kyungsoo sputtered indignantly at him, gurgling and tripping over his words.

Jongin just laughed it off and went on, “You know, I meant what I said about me thinking of you back at the club. I was, how do you say this appropriately? Hmm… Oh yes, _fucking_ this girl—don’t get jealous just yet, hyung,” Jongin tutted at him, slowly getting up from his seat and making his way to Kyungsoo. He had winced the minute he heard Jongin say he was doing it with somebody else, but he hadn’t heard the rest of Jongin’s sentence yet.

“Don’t worry, Kyungsoo, as much as I had fun _with_ her, _inside_ of her, all I wanted was to fuck _you_ , hyung. Do you hear that? I envisioned what it’d be like to ride _your_ ass and turn _your_ glorious, fair skin into pretty shades of pink and red…” he straddled Kyungsoo, thighs on either side of him and leaned down to mouth at his lips, placing both hands up on the wall behind Kyungsoo to hold himself at the right angle. Kyungsoo was breathing hard, hands clenched on his knees.

“I… You slept with someone else?” Kyungsoo whispered hoarsely, face tilted upwards for Jongin to kiss and behold.

“Are you jealous, hyung? I didn’t exactly sleep with her, you know, I just explored her body for a few minutes. And besides, Kyungsoo,” Jongin leaned down to kiss him properly, sealing their lips together for a few brief moments in a chaste kiss, “it was either fuck her or touch myself whenever I think of you.”

Kyungsoo gasped at that, a blush rising to his cheeks. He was about to look away, but Jongin was emboldened by what was left of the chemicals in his bloodstream and he caught Kyungsoo’s chin, daring him to look away.

“We’re not exclusive, are we? I mean I’d love to say that we are but you… Well, you resist me quite often, Kyungsoo. And I still don’t understand why. I know how you feel about me, and you know that I want you too so why don’t you just let me have all of you, hyung?” Jongin caressed his thumb over Kyungsoo’s silken, milky skin.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to say something, and at first nothing came out. “…guys like you don’t want guys like me,” he managed to croak. Jongin placed a soothing kiss over his mouth, nibbling on his lip gently.

“Hmm, that may be true but guys like me don’t usually like to be kept waiting, Kyungsoo. My offer is still open for now but,” he shrugged, “don’t be too late.”

“You’re not offering exclusivity, you’re forcing it out of me,” Kyungsoo accused, sighing when Jongin pressed a kiss to his jaw. His hands automatically went up to pull Jongin down lower to his height.

“That’s because I know you’ll take forever to decide,” Jongin whispered in his ear, sucking on his earlobe gently. Kyungsoo arched his back with a sharp gasp, his groin momentarily brushing up against Jongin’s already half hard cock. “No, Jongin please,” Kyungsoo moaned, offering his neck up to Jongin’s mouth.

He was about to sink down into Kyungsoo’s lap and let someone ride him for the second time that night but suddenly the door opened and Kyungsoo looked up, mouth dropping open when he realized who it was.

“Whey hey guys, I didn’t think I’d see this happen,” Luhan said, mouth curved in a smirk. Kyungsoo pushed Jongin off him and scrambled away from him as if he’d just caught the plague, cradling his camera in his hands.

“Me too. Did Kyungsoo tell you he was going to see me?” Jongin asked.

“No, he said he wanted some fresh air. I can tell you, he got quite enough of air a second ago,” Luhan smiled. Kyungsoo tutted at him, sending him a glare that clearly said ‘shut up’.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt you guys. Shall I leave and come back in a few hours?” Luhan said, about to close the door. “NO,” Kyungsoo shouted, leaping over Jongin to catch the door with his hands and pushing it back wide open. Jongin felt his camera plop down into his lap, and he briefly wondered if he should take a photo of himself for Kyungsoo. _I don’t make a habit of taking selfies though_ , Jongin thought with tinge of regret.

“There’s no need to be shy, Kyungsoo,” Luhan started to say but Jongin waved at him, putting Kyungsoo’s camera down on the table behind him. “No, no, I should be the one leaving. Kyungsoo, I’ll see you on Thursday, text me the time and place. I’ll be thinking of you as usual,” Jongin got up, kissing Kyungsoo on the forehead spontaneously.

Luhan’s smile couldn’t get any bigger as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. “Play it safe on Thursday,” he said jokingly.

“Yes, I do intend to play,” Jongin nodded, squeezing his shoulder as a way of saying goodbye. Kyungsoo was positively blazing a lovely color only a fruit/vegetable could achieve as Jongin walked away.   

In the car, Jongin took his phone out to text Kyungsoo: _‘Missing you already. Looking forward to our photo session.’_

*

When Thursday came around, Jongin woke up seconds before his alarm rang at nine thirty. He got out of bed feeling rested and pretty energized for the day ahead. The last time he set an alarm, he was still in high school but he had a very good reason for getting up early today.

As vain and superficial as it might sound, he wanted to go to a hair salon today. Kyungsoo had texted him the day before to meet up at a place just outside of Seoul at 1, and so with that in mind he decided to make an appointment at the best hair salon he knew (as in the only hair salon that actually understands what Chanyeol wants when he says, “I need to look hot tonight”). He wanted to look good, but how good or what kind of good, he wasn’t sure and was hoping that Chanyeol’s hair stylist there would know what to do. Consequently, he wasn’t sure what kind of hair style Chanyeol’s hair stylist might want to whip up either so here he was, awake before ten in the morning and brushing his teeth like his life depended on it.

Jongin had already picked out a cool outfit last night after a long Skype session with Chanyeol. He was—as directed by the self-proclaimed god of fashion himself—to wear a black oversized coat over his shoulders, his best pair of slacks and a button up shirt that said ‘STRANGER’ across the chest. He’d never seen it before in his closet, but apparently Chanyeol’s arms were too long for it and he had sent it to Jongin instead.  

“Why doesn’t my housekeeper ever mention that you send me all these clothes?” Jongin had asked, foolishly.

“Well you need clothes that actually _look_ good,” Chanyeol had replied, implying that Jongin’s taste simply wasn’t good enough. But whatever, the shirt _did_ look good on him when he tried it on, so he let that remark go and begrudgingly set it aside.

For extra measure, Jongin shaved just a little bit around his chin. Not that he had a lot of facial hair, but he wanted to look clean and impeccable today so that Kyungsoo could not possibly resist his attempts later on. After that, he showered quickly, not wanting to waste too much time in the bathroom although there was an unexpected obstacle when he spotted his rarely used Calvin Klein cologne by the sink. He picked it up and stared at the bottle, wondering if Kyungsoo would appreciate him smelling all musky and masculine or if he would just think Jongin was trying way too hard to impress him.

 _Subtlety is always the best, I think_ , Jongin thought. He placed it down by the sink and got dressed, putting on his watch and cufflinks. He picked up his wallet and was about to walk out of the room to the door to pick out which pair of shoes to wear when he caught sight of the deer’s head up on the wall in his spare room. The handyman had taken less than half an hour to put it up once he painted the entire room magenta. The smell of paint was heavy in the air, still. His furniture had already been arranged into the room, ready to use whenever Jongin wanted to.

 _Should I bring the paddle?_ Jongin thought idly. Or maybe the riding crop, he’d be able to hide down the back of his pants till he needed it. _Maybe it’s too early for this_ , Jongin thought. He decided against bringing anything along except himself, making his way out of his apartment.

Mr. Lee was already waiting at the car park for him. He had not told Mr. Lee who he was meeting today or why he suddenly felt the urge to go to a hair salon, and sensed his curiosity despite keeping mum during the drive.

“I’m meeting Kyungsoo,” Jongin said suddenly.

Mr. Lee glanced at him from the driver’s seat. “If you say so, sir,” he said blandly. “He’s going to take photos of me today. I honestly don’t know what to expect,” Jongin said.

“Some good photos, maybe?” his driver replied. Jongin laughed. “Maybe, yeah. I hope we get some great shots.”

-

At the hair salon, Chanyeol’s hair stylist, Kim Daehyun or also known as Dae, was absolutely gay and flamboyant. He had his honey colored hair turned up and a loud, obnoxious voice. Jongin felt like he could trust the man with his hair already the minute they shook hands.

“What can I do for my first client of the day?” he gushed, leading Jongin to a seat. The hair salon itself was on the second floor of a three storey building while the first floor was only the reception area. Sunlight poured in from the ceiling-to-floor glass walls, glaring into Jongin’s eyes. The place smelled faintly of hair spray and ammonia.

“I’m told that you understand what your clients without them actually being very specific about it, like you understand clients on an unspoken level?” Jongin said, sitting down and crossing his legs. Dae swept an overall around Jongin’s shoulders, nodding as he spoke.

“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m all that good, but I suppose I do my job very well,” Dae giggled before he burst out into a brief cackle. _Oh God_ , Jongin thought, blinking at his reflection in the mirror. They were all alone upstairs and Jongin hoped Dae wouldn’t murder him with a pair of scissors later on.

Dae stopped himself just before he started to sound mental and ran his hands through Jongin’s hair. His hair was plain black, messy and falling into his eyes most of the time. “What would you like me to do with your hair, Mr. Kim, it has quite some volume, so we can work with most hair styles,” Dae said, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully.

“I would like to look a touch more sophisticated without crossing over into the idol-group-perfect-hairstyle border. If you could make it look naturally messy and still appropriate…”

“You mean the ‘I just fell out of bed’ look?”

“Ah, yes. But I think I have a pretty good forehead so if it’s visible that’d be great,” Jongin said, fondling with his fringe.

Dae clapped his hands in glee, jumping up and down on the spot. “I can already picture it, Mr. Kim! I’ll have to trim your hair just a little bit here and there and also slick on some gel though, if that’s alright with you?”

“Do what you need to do. How long do you think it’ll take?” Jongin asked.

“Not more than an hour or so,” Dae shrugged, picking up a pair of scissors from the little cart beside him and holding it up to the light. Luckily, Jongin had eaten before coming here, so with luck he could at least put a fight against Dae in case he accidentally on purpose tried to murder him.  

For the next hour and half, Dae snipped at his hair here and there, literally. He trimmed his fringe to just above his eyelids with calm expertise and snipped around at the back as well, using a comb to cut Jongin’s hair properly. Then he picked up the hair dryer when he was done with that and blew Jongin’s hair out, fluffing it up ‘for more _oomph_ and _je nais se quoi_ ’.

Jongin didn’t mind, so long as he didn’t end up looking like someone from Super Junior. Dae put down the hair dryer once Jongin’s ears started ringing and set to work with some hair spray first. “Your hair isn’t as thick and heavy as it looks so I’m just going to see if hair spray will work, or if I need some gel to put it in place,” Dae explained.

He asked Jongin to close his eyes and sprayed the can over his face, his hand working at his hair. Dae sprayed multiple times, going hmm or tutting at Jongin’s hair. He dabbed some cold gel at the back of Jongin’s head and gave his head a final spray before he said, “Have a look, Mr. Kim!”

Jongin opened his eyes hesitantly; his hair still looked messy somewhat, but it was in a controlled shape now. He could see half of his forehead in the reflection still and touched his hair at a few spots, looking at the mirror Dae held up to the back of his head to see what it looked like from the back. “I think it’s okay, actually,” Jongin said. He’d never had his hair styled this way before.  

Dae looked appalled. “Okay? You look _okay_? Mr. Kim, if I may say so and I will say so indeed, you look like a fine specimen of the human species,” Dae exaggerated, holding out his hands for emphasis.

“Er, in that case, I look fantastic,” Jongin tried again.

Dae clapped his hands and shouted, “Praise the Good Lord, baby, I’ve done it once more!” Jongin could suddenly understand why Dae was Chanyeol’s favorite hair stylist if he was like this with everyone. Still, his enthusiasm was infectious and Jongin smiled, standing up and sprinkling bits of hair to the ground.

“Oh, let me get this for you, sir. Is there a special event you need to attend?” Dae asked, removing his overall.

“Just a private photo shoot,” Jongin replied. Dae went _oooh_ and nodded understandingly. “One must look good at all times, Mr. Kim. Otherwise, where will all of us be?” he said, before throwing his head back to laugh loudly.

Jongin pretended to laugh along, mumbling thank you and goodbye to Dae who couldn’t stop laughing and went downstairs to pay the bill. “You look good, sir. Would you like to pay by cash or by credit card?” the girl beamed at him from behind the reception desk.

“Card,” Jongin answered, handing her his credit card. There was a mirror beside the reception desk and he checked his reflection once more, admiring Dae’s work and touching his hair gently to make sure everything would stay in place. _Kyungsoo is going to be in for a good time_ , Jongin thought. He looked better than he would’ve expected.  

Checking his watch, he realized it was twelve thirty already, and it took only fifteen minutes to arrive at the place Kyungsoo wanted to meet him. _Should I get there early or dither around for a bit_ , Jongin thought, walking out of the hair salon once he paid up.

There was a chance that Kyungsoo wouldn’t be there but… _He_ has _been stalking me for three years. Surely that makes him very punctual?_ Jongin frowned.

Mr. Lee opened the car door for Jongin and he got in, distracted. “Could you maybe drive slowly, Mr. Lee? I don’t want to be too early or it’ll seem like I’m too keen,” Jongin said. Mr. Lee chuckled. “I could try, sir.”

-

Jongin got there just in the nick of time. They pulled over in the unattended car park of the apartment. Most of the lots were empty and the apartment looked sad, like it was standing even though it was past its time to be knocked down. The walls were streaked with black and white, and the once red roof was now a light shade of beige. Mr. Lee got down to escort Jongin into the apartment, saying that the area looked ‘fishy’. It just looked rather deserted and quiet to Jongin. _All the more reason why Kyungsoo should’ve brought his toys,_ Jongin thought in disappointment.

They rode the elevator up to the tenth floor, looking around for apartment 10-E.  

Jongin took a deep breath, standing at the door for a few seconds while Mr. Lee walked back to the elevator. It was weird that he was so nervous for this photo session now when he was all excited about it just this morning.

He exhaled through his mouth, trying to calm his nerves. _Here goes nothing_ , Jongin thought. Holding a shaky hand up to the door, he knocked thrice.

Kyungsoo came to the door a few seconds later, opening the door by an inch first to see if it was him. His mouth dropped open slightly at the sight of Jongin— _probably the hair_ , Jongin thought—and opened the door properly, hiding his expression with a scowl. “Why did you knock like that, I thought you were a murderer or something.”

“Excuse me, but you’re the one who’s early. For all I know you’re here to murder me too,” Jongin said, relaxing at the sight of Kyungsoo. He huffed around a bit in annoyance but told him to come in anyway, stepping aside for him.

The tiny apartment was empty of furniture, Jongin noticed. The living room was empty, the kitchen as well and so was the bathroom, equipped with only a sink and toilet bowl. Kyungsoo led him into one of the small bedroom where his camera bag and a lumpy backpack sat on the ground. _Room’s pretty bright_ , Jongin thought. It was almost as blinding as the hair salon. A tripod in the centre of the room had already been set up, his camera sitting on top of it.  

“Wow. How long have you been here?” Jongin asked.

“Since half an hour ago. I took the day off today so if you feel uncomfortable or anything and you need some time to adjust…” Jongin lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m anything _but_ uncomfortable, just so you know. Where do you want me, hyung? By the window? Or up against the wall?” Jongin asked, biting his lip suggestively. Kyungsoo studiously ignored his facial expression, although he probably heard the deliberate implication in Jongin’s voice since his ears turned red rather quickly.

“By the wall for a start would be nice,” Kyungsoo mumbled, fiddling with his camera. “Here?” Jongin pointed at the wall beside the window. Kyungsoo nodded.

“Okay. Tell me how you found this place,” Jongin asked, going to the wall as Kyungsoo instructed. “It’s nothing interesting,” Kyungsoo said, turning the camera on and pressing a few buttons on it.

“Oh, c’mon. It’ll take my mind off posing and I won’t come off looking too fake,” Jongin cajoled Kyungsoo. He sighed, not saying anything for a minute. Kyungsoo shifted the camera upwards, zooming in on Jongin while he adjusted the coat over his shoulders, leaning back on the wall. “Is this fine?” Jongin asked.

“You can pose however you want to.”

“But this is for _your_ benefit.”

Kyungsoo paused, staring at him through the lenses of the camera. “I found this place when I first came to Seoul, looking for a place to stay,” Kyungsoo said, voice shaky. _Aha._

“Luhan didn’t want to live here because it doesn’t have enough space for him,” he continued. Jongin was listening intently when Kyungsoo snapped a photo of him unexpectedly. He jerked in surprise, blinking and composing himself by relaxing his shoulders.

“I still like this place though. It’s really quiet, the neighbors don’t bother you, and there’s a lot of light. My place is kind of stuffy now,” Kyungsoo said. 

“My apartment is pretty quiet too,” Jongin replied, lifting his hand to touch his lips. Kyungsoo snapped away, his camera clicking every second. Kyungsoo smiled at him, though Jongin couldn’t see his eyes.

“I’m sure it is.”

Jongin leaned towards the window, tucking half of his hand into his pocket and looked right into the camera. “Chin up,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin did so, and Kyungsoo snapped a few times.

“Would you like to see how the photos are coming out so far?” Kyungsoo asked, standing up and plucking his camera off the tripod. Jongin shrugged and ambled over to have a look. Kyungsoo held out his camera towards Jongin, showing him a series of photos.

“The first few came out nicely. The lighting is great, and—Well, you dressed really nicely for today.”

“Chanyeol picked it out,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo blushed at his smile, returning his gaze to the camera. “I think you can try looking out of the window. Maybe um. Like, open your mouth just a little bit? ‘Cause your jaw looks tense when you—”

“Mm, like this?” Jongin asked, letting his jaw drop very slightly. Kyungsoo visibly swallowed, putting his camera back on the tripod. “Yes, well, that’s good enough.”

Jongin went back to the window, leaning over like he was looking at an airplane fly over the apartment. He moved his hands a bit, to give Kyungsoo variety.

“Chin down,” Kyungsoo said after snapping five photos. Jongin lowered his face, keeping his eyes trained at a spot outside the window. “Beautiful,” Kyungsoo said distractedly. Jongin couldn’t help but smile at that, and Kyungsoo snapped at his smile too, moving the tripod one step back to get a wider view.

Jongin varied his poses with each click of the camera, like touching his neck or putting a hand to his hair without really touching it. Kyungsoo must’ve taken at least twenty photos before he finally stood up straight, taking the camera off the tripod again to look through the photos.

“Okay, I think you can um, stand just over here,” Kyungsoo said, pointing at a spot by the corner of the room.

“Do you like the photos so far?” Jongin asked. He was quiet, and Jongin couldn’t see his expression with the camera blocking his view but he thought Kyungsoo was enjoying everything so far.

“Y-yes,” Kyungsoo muttered. Jongin went over to the corner, putting his foot up on the wall and shoving his hands into his pocket.

“I’m honestly upset that you didn’t bring anything with you today, hyung,” Jongin said huskily, biting his lower lip while staring at the camera. Kyungsoo snapped away, keeping quiet. Jongin went on carefully, “I mean I think this is quite fun and all but…” he hunched forward, letting his mouth drop open the way Kyungsoo told him to a minute ago.

Kyungsoo’s camera clicked and clicked, deafening in the tangible silence of the room. “I just think with all this quiet, we could do more than take photos,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo stopped to look over the camera at him. “Well, you didn’t bring the yoga mat like you said you would anyway.” Jongin laughed at that, head dropping down for a moment as his entire body swayed against the wall. Kyungsoo quickly snapped at all that, and Jongin let a smile play on his lips, looking at the camera coyly.

“ _You_ never said anything about bringing your riding crop. Did I mention that I bought one as well?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo didn’t answer right away, snapping more photos of Jongin.

“I bought one, but I didn’t think to bring it today. I wish I did bring it with me now though,” Jongin said suggestively.

Kyungsoo stiffened. “As a prop, of course. We both know you like a bit of recreational fun.” He still didn’t say anything, and it was frustrating for Jongin, like a one sided conversation with someone online who, for some reason, didn’t cut off the connection but just left it hanging.

“If you need a prop then you could take off your coat. Hang it over your arm,” Kyungsoo said after a while. Hmm. _At least it’s something_ , Jongin thought. He took off his coat; it was starting to get warm in the room anyway, and draped it elegantly over his arm. While he did it, Kyungsoo clicked at the camera, capturing every move Jongin made.

Jongin tried a pose with one of his arms bent and another in his pocket, one foot stepped forward as if he was about to walk away.

“Um, don’t do that, it looks too editorial now,” Kyungsoo said.

“Oh. Would you rather I posed like a man waiting for someone to make a move on him?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo blushed at that.

“Just—don’t hold the coat like it’s something important, just treat it like it’s an afterthought,” Kyungsoo advised him, turning the camera over to get a full body shot. Jongin lifted an eyebrow.

“I quite like it, though. It’s pretty enough that I don’t want it to be an afterthought,” Jongin said. He wasn’t really posing, but Kyungsoo was still taking photos of him, hiding behind the camera. _I don’t want you hiding behind the lenses_ , Jongin thought, furrowing his eyebrows slightly. Jongin just wanted Kyungsoo to be clear and honest with him. 

“Just treat the coat as you would with your other clothes; without too much concern,” Kyungsoo murmured.

“But I’ve never worn this coat out before. I think it deserves a little concern, at least,” Jongin replied. He hoped Kyungsoo would understand that he wasn’t talking about the damned coat at all.

Kyungsoo looked up at him from above the camera. “It’s just a coat, Jongin.”

Jongin threw the coat over his shoulder then, folding his arms. Kyungsoo returned to the camera and continued snapping photos. “It’s not just a coat, hyung, otherwise I wouldn’t have worn it all the way here,” Jongin said, almost tetchily. It was hard to keep the frustration out of his voice when Kyungsoo was being so obtuse and evading his efforts at every turn.

“Thanks for putting on something nice from your expensive wardrobe then. I won’t take up your time anymore after this,” Kyungsoo said softly. 

The surprise on Jongin’s face was apparent when Kyungsoo said that. It was clear enough that Kyungsoo had to look over his camera cautiously. “What’s… wrong?”

“I never said anything about you taking up my time. I would like you to fill up my time, in fact,” Jongin said, sounding more upset than he cared to admit. _Why can’t this stupid boy tell that I want to be here?_ he thought crossly. He wanted to be there ever since he touched himself at the thought of Kyungsoo’s naked flesh and blatant desire for Jongin.

Kyungsoo stood up, wringing his wrists nervously. “But you… you’re who you are, Jongin, and I’m just. I work for you,” Kyungsoo said slowly.

“So what? I don’t work at Accuretta Systems technically, so I get to do whatever I want with you and get away with it since I’m not exactly bound to the no-dating-among-employees rule.” Kyungsoo gurgled at that.

Jongin dropped his coat on the ground. “Kyungsoo, you’re a nobody, yes that’s true but I don’t care who you are and who you’re not. You want me, and I want you. Plain simple,” Jongin said, stepping forward to back Kyungsoo up against the wall behind him. His feet kicked at his backpack as he tried to protest weakly, looking down to avoid meeting Jongin’s gaze.

Jongin placed both hands on the wall to prevent Kyungsoo from escaping. “Why oh why, hyung, are we still pretending to be civil when it’s clear you want me to do rude things to you? And I think I’ve made it oh-so-clear that I’d be delighted to do all the rude things you want me to do to you,” Jongin said, leaning down to nibble on Kyungsoo’s earlobe.

 Kyungsoo squirmed away from his mouth, putting both hands on Jongin’s chest to push him away half heartedly. “It’s—It’s not normal to want you to do those things to me,” Kyungsoo said weakly.

“So? What we might get up to is our business, isn’t it? It’s our private party and there’s no one else invited,” Jongin replied, taking one of Kyungsoo’s hands away off his chest to invade his personal space and cup his chin upwards, planting a kiss on his sweet mouth. Kyungsoo couldn’t resist and kissed him back, his hand scrunching up Jongin’s shirt.

Jongin flicked his tongue in and sucked on Kyungsoo’s tongue gently, savoring the taste of Kyungsoo’s mouth. He could do this forever if Kyungsoo would allow him.

Kyungsoo broke away when he couldn’t breathe anymore, lips wet and slightly swollen. His pupils were dilated with desire but he looked sad as his hands shook and he said, “I’m just… afraid that you’ll hurt me, Jongin, I—I’ve never done this before with anyone and—”

“Neither have I, hyung. It’s not every day that I get someone who wants me to beat him because he likes it,” Jongin whispered, brushing his mouth over Kyungsoo’s lips. “And I won’t hurt you, I promise. Not unless you want me to.”

Kyungsoo’s hand moved to grip Jongin’s wrist by his head. “I-I do, Jongin. I do want you to. I…” he seemed at a loss for words. Jongin pressed a kiss to his lips, his eyes hooded as he waited for Kyungsoo to finish talking.

“Go on, hyung,” he said, sucking at a spot on Kyungsoo’s cheek. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes when Jongin’s mouth made a wet sound against his skin. “I… Oh, Jongin, I don’t know how to say this, but um. I b-brought the…”

Jongin pulled away to look at him incredulously. “You brought the riding crop?” he asked. Jongin held his breath when Kyungsoo nodded once, keeping his eyes averted from Jongin’s gaze. His cheeks were blazing a bright red as he stood against the wall quietly. Jongin chuckled, pecking Kyungsoo’s mouth happily.

“Do you want me to spank you, right here, right now? Well, well, Kyungsoo, I never knew… I’m very happy you brought the riding crop. Where is it?” Jongin asked, looking around, half expecting it to be lying on the ground. Kyungsoo looked at him with wide eyes.

“W-what do you mean, where is it, do you intend on using it?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin lifted an eyebrow.

“Of course I plan on using it when we have the time and space to do it. C’mon, tell me where it is,” Jongin said, bending down at Kyungsoo’s feet to dig into his backpack. Kyungsoo gurgled incoherently and pushed Jongin away, swatting his shoulders with his hands.

“Stop, stop, I’ll get it out for you,” he said, grabbing his bag, and unzipping it. Jongin hesitated for a split second before he shrugged and backed off from Kyungsoo’s bag. Who knew what other goodies he’d brought? Maybe he was afraid that Jongin would want to go all nine yards on him if he saw what Kyungsoo brought in that bag. _I suppose a bit of spanking can do for now,_ Jongin thought a bit regretfully.

Kyungsoo got the riding crop out and zipped his bag up firmly, putting it aside. Jongin bent down to take the riding crop out of his hand while Kyungsoo looked around and decided to move the tripod aside.

Jongin swiped his hand with the crop to test it out, and found that it did have a sting, although it didn’t last for more than five seconds. If he hit a little harder though, it would probably leave a mark. “Where do you want me to spank you, hyung? Your back? Your thighs? Or your ass?” Jongin asked offhandedly.

Kyungsoo looked up at him expectantly and said, “D-do you think you could spank my behind?”

Jongin smiled. “Of course, my lovely Kyungsoo. Anything to indulge your rude desires. On all fours then,” he said. Kyungsoo shuddered for a moment, and then got down on his knees, about to bend over when Jongin had an idea.

“Take off your pants, Kyungsoo,” he said decisively. Kyungsoo hesitated.

Jongin lifted the riding crop and swung it down against his perky ass once, making him jerk and yelp in surprise. “Go on and take it off, Kyungsoo. Or I won’t spank you and then you’ll go home, thinking about all the possibilities…”

Kyungsoo adhered, undoing his belt and zipper slowly. While he busied himself with his hands, Jongin glanced at the camera.

 _Wonder if I should record this_ , Jongin thought idly. He could hear Kyungsoo take his pants off as he pondered, and finally decided against it. _When we’re properly alone_ , he thought.  

He turned his attention back to Kyungsoo to see if he was done taking off his pants and was slightly disappointed to see that he was too shy to take off his boxers.

“Oh, come _on_ , Kyungsoo,” he said lightly. Kyungsoo stiffened like he’d done something wrong. Jongin just went over to stand behind Kyungsoo and pull his underwear down roughly, exposing his lower half to his view. “Today, we’ll just do a bit of spanking. The next time we have a private moment to ourselves, hyung, I promise you I’ll fuck your ass. Understand?” Jongin said lightly, standing straight over Kyungsoo. He nodded, entire body trembling eagerly.   

Kyungsoo’s ass was as flawless as Jongin thought it’d be, rounded and clearly begging to be marked. He couldn’t see Kyungsoo’s cock clearly from where he stood but he was sure he’d be hard by the time they’d be done with this. He wanted to start already, but suddenly remembered something.

“What shall we use as a safe word?” Jongin asked, bending over to touch Kyungsoo’s ass. Just in case; Jongin didn’t want to hurt Kyungsoo badly. Kyungsoo shivered under his touch. “Ah—um, I t-think ‘stop’ will do just fine,” he muttered. Jongin smirked. “Very well then. Stop,” he repeated with surety, taking his hand away to grip the riding crop properly.

He counted from one to three in his head, heart beating in his throat before he struck the riding crop across Kyungsoo’s ass hard.

The riding crop snapped against Kyungsoo’s skin loudly. Jongin watched as a red line blossomed mere seconds later just beneath Kyungsoo’s skin, red and angry. Kyungsoo had jolted when the riding crop struck him, but it was probably because of surprise rather than pain.

“Is it okay? Did it hurt?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shook his head with a whimper.

“Can I go on?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded once, bracing himself for the next strike.

So he hit Kyungsoo again, putting more strength behind his strike, and another red line appeared on his ass. Kyungsoo jerked at that, shuffling to tighten his thighs together. Jongin bent down to slide a hand between Kyungsoo’s legs, pushing them back apart. He tutted at Kyungsoo, brushing his fingers over Kyungsoo’s cock on purpose.

“Already so hard? You’ve been waiting for this haven’t you?” he said huskily. Kyungsoo dropped his head in shame, thighs trembling as he waited for the next sting from the riding crop.

Jongin hit Kyungsoo’s ass three more times, trying to elicit a cry from him but Kyungsoo held on. _His ass_ has _to be sore by now_ , Jongin thought. At the fifth strike, Kyungsoo trembled violently, but there was no safe word, no cries of pain.

Jongin then tried to aim a little lower instead, and smiled when he hit close to Kyungsoo’s balls and he gasped loudly, arms giving out for a moment. His ass pushed up into the air for a brief second as he tried to catch his breath, returning to his former position.

“You love this, don’t you, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked, brushing the riding crop across the red marks gently. Kyungsoo moaned, cutting himself off halfway and tried to shuffle his thighs together again. Jongin stopped him from doing so, leaning over to place a hand over his trembling legs.

“More?” he asked, kissing Kyungsoo’s ass cheek gently. Kyungsoo whispered a shaky yes.

Jongin considered breaking his promise and just fucking him right here, but at the same time he still wanted to go on making red lines across Kyungsoo’s ass. It was exhilarating to know that Kyungsoo was enjoying this, and Jongin was mildly surprised to realize that he too, was enjoying it far more than he expected.   

He hit Kyungsoo near his thighs about four more times, watching his cock twitch with each strike and his feet fidgeting around as he tried to look for some kind of friction against his cock.

When he hit Kyungsoo for the umpteenth time, Kyungsoo cried out incoherently, and one of his hands reached for his cock, but Jongin pushed his hand away to grip his cock tightly. Kyungsoo trembled beneath Jongin, sniffling as he tried to sit up. Jongin crouched behind Kyungsoo, tugging on Kyungsoo’s cock and whispering promises of more to come in the future. Kyungsoo’s eyes were squeezed shut and there were tear tracks running down his face.

“You look beautiful like this, Kyungsoo. On your knees, subdued and hard for me,” Jongin said, biting on his earlobe as he fingered the tip of Kyungsoo’s cock, rubbing slow circles. He pressed his own erection into Kyungsoo’s back, a hand brushing over the red marks.

Kyungsoo came abruptly, spilling his come all over Jongin’s hand with a shaky sigh. Jongin pressed his hand around Kyungsoo’s cock, stretching out his orgasm and wringing every last drop of pleasure out of him. Kyungsoo leaned on his shoulder, mouth open as he spasmed and shook against Jongin’s frame.

He kissed Kyungsoo’s cheek chastely. “Good boy, Kyungsoo. You did _very_ well,” he whispered into his ear.

Jongin brought his hand up to Kyungsoo’s mouth, the one with Kyungsoo’s come all over it and smeared it over his lips. He gasped in surprise, and Jongin pushed two fingers into Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“Suck,” Jongin ordered him softly. Kyungsoo’s lips closed around his fingers obediently as he looked up at Jongin with an unspoken emotion in his eyes, sucking on Jongin’s fingers. His tongue moved against his skin, lapping his own come up.

When he was done, Jongin pulled his fingers out of Kyungsoo’s reluctant mouth and caressed the red, sore skin of his ass with the same hand, feeling the calloused surface.

“I suppose you enjoyed that,” Jongin said, palming his ass. Kyungsoo nodded shyly, breathing heavily from his orgasm.

“Did I… fulfill your darkest desires?” Jongin asked, dragging a finger up Kyungsoo’s ass. He pressed his finger to Kyungsoo’s entrance, feeling his breath hitch and his entrance tightened instinctively.

“Don’t worry, I won’t fuck you now, not today when you’ve enjoyed yourself so much,” Jongin laughed, taking his hand away. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo up to his feet, clutching him to his chest as he kissed Kyungsoo on the lips, dropping the riding crop to the ground. Kyungsoo leaned on him, tentatively wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck as he kissed back, standing on his tippy toes.

“Admit it, hyung,” Jongin smiled at him, bumping their foreheads together. “You can’t resist me.”

“Don’t be such a prick,” Kyungsoo muttered in embarrassment. Jongin smacked his bum in retaliation and Kyungsoo jumped, yelping in surprise.

“How long did you say it would take to heal?” Jongin asked thoughtfully. Kyungsoo seemed to sense the unspoken question in his voice as he said that and he bent down to pull his boxers up slowly, chewing his lip nervously.

“I think it’ll take about two weeks. I don’t know if they’ll bruise later on, but my guess would be two weeks, at best,” Kyungsoo replied. Jongin lifted his chin up with a finger and met his shy gaze. “Then it’s probably safe to say that we’ll see each other again in two weeks, hmm?”

Jongin was about to lean in for a kiss, but instead Kyungsoo moved first, pressing his lips chastely to the side of Jongin’s mouth. “T-thank you,” he whispered briefly. His lips curved upwards into a shy, small smile but it took Jongin by surprise.

He didn’t know why his heart clenched just a little, didn’t understand why he felt his own mouth curve into a smile, but he liked it. It felt nice, like he’d come home after being away for a long time. 


	8. hit me, my darling, tonight (I don't know why but I like it)

 “You look different,” Suho remarked, squinting at Jongin suspiciously. He had a leg propped over the knee of his other leg and a pen in his hand, rolling it around while he observed Jongin closely, as if he could see what had changed about him if he just stared long enough.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jongin said steadily. He had come in at twelve today for a small board members meeting to agree on a few terms and conditions with Yifan’s lawyer as well as to arrange another meeting with the man soon. Even though he was in the same building as Kyungsoo now, he resisted the urge to call him into the privacy of his office and steal a few kisses. They had not gone beyond texting these past four days, but Jongin was practically still spinning from the thrill that came with spanking Kyungsoo in the lonely apartment that day. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on Kyungsoo; just as soon as the marks over his ass healed and he’d have him by the end of next week.

“It’s like you’re… happy now. Positive even. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as anything beyond narcissistic,” Suho went on. The other board members had yet to arrive and Suho obviously saw this as an opportunity to get all dad-ish with Jongin.

“Maybe it’s the coffee I had today. It was actually quite nice,” Jongin said, to throw Suho off his trail. But no, Suho just continued with his psychoanalysis and said, “See, you never say anything good about your coffee. The only time you talk about it is when the coffee is bad.” Jongin rolled his eyes inwardly and looked around for something else to distract himself with; there was nothing entertaining except Sehun sticking his head out of the meeting room every so often to see if Jongdae and Yixing were here yet, and if Jongin laughed at that then it’d be execution for him.

“Did something happen between you and Kyungsoo?” Suho asked, probably just taking a wild guess. Jongin stopped for a very short moment before he composed himself and replied, “Nope. Nothing at all.”

“Ah… so what happened?” Suho said, putting the pen down and folding his arms, narrowing his eyes with an amused smile on his face. Jongin wanted to punch him and tell him to mind his own fucking business but put on a cheery smile and said, “Nothing happened. And even if anything happened, I wouldn’t tell you.”

Suho would lose his rag if Jongin told him what he’d been up to just a few days ago with Kyungsoo. The only person who could probably take the news without exploding is Chanyeol.

“Did you have sex with him?” Suho asked. Jongin pretended to look mighty uncomfortable and went, “No, ‘course not.” Suho pursed his lips, unwilling to give up.

“Can I guess then?”

 _Ha! I’d like to see you try_ , Jongin thought.

“No, I’m not going to waste my time playing games with you. Oh, here are Jongdae and Yixing now,” Jongin said, looking up when five board members and the two lawyers came in, carrying a briefcase each. Finally, the meeting could start and Suho could distract himself by bothering Jongdae and Yixing instead.

It was boring as usual, after Jongin shook hands with Jongdae and Yixing, greeting them and making a bit of small talk. Minseok, Jongdae’s PA, was busier than usual, setting out different sets of papers on the table and rearranging them every so often for Jongdae and Yixing. It was probably for their convenience and sanity; Jongin would lose his mind if there were so many papers to go through all the time.

Not that he ever needed to, of course. Jongin wondered if Kyungsoo had to deal with so many papers every day. _How the hell would he know which is which?_ Jongin thought, making a face subconsciously. Suho caught him making weird faces to himself and wriggled his eyebrows at him, trying to send a message with his own weird eyebrow movements but Jongin just ignored him. He didn’t know why Suho was so nosy about what was happening between him and Kyungsoo.

 _It’s not like I’m_ so _gay now_ , Jongin thought, feeling miffed as Jongdae gently slid a piece of paper to Jongin for him to pretend to read through. Suho kept staring at him pointedly, but all Jongin could think of was how Suho might actually react if he knew the truth about Kyungsoo and him. He said that he didn’t mind if Jongin wanted to test it out, but would he mind if Jongin actually quite liked it?

 _Why should it matter though?_ Jongin thought. He could fuck whoever he pleased. Chanyeol wouldn’t give a shit if Jongin was gay but… Jongin glanced at Sehun, who had a bored expression on his face like he’d done this so many times he could do it in his sleep. _Maybe Kyungsoo can just be my secret for now_ , Jongin thought cautiously. Chanyeol was the only person who had an inkling of what Jongin wanted to do with Kyungsoo, and maybe it was just better that way. Well, him and Baekhyun. And this was temporary only, after all, it’d be till Jongin knew what to do.

 _Kyungsoo probably wouldn’t want the whole damn world to know about us anyway_ , Jongin thought. He was reluctant enough in the beginning for Jongin to know that he wasn’t comfortable with people knowing about the way he felt for Jongin.

 _Maybe I’ll just ask him one day and see what he thinks_ , Jongin thought. Yes, he’d do that and then ask Chanyeol out to lunch to clear his conscience (not that he was feeling guilty, oh no). A third opinion in where everything was about to go wouldn’t hurt.  

“Mr. Kim, is your schedule clear next week?” Yixing suddenly said. Jongin heard him just as his thoughts came to a conclusion and he blinked, looking up at an expectant Yixing. That was a good question; he usually had to ask Sehun the same question sometimes.  

“Um, Sehun?” Jongin glanced at Sehun from over his shoulder. Sehun was already stabbing at his iPad viciously and nodded his approval. “Nothing we can’t move around,” he said to Yixing.

Jongdae and Yixing asked the same question to the rest of the board members slowly said yes, next week would be good and it wouldn’t be a problem to get a flight to Guangzhou to meet up with Yifan for some finalization before they signed everything. Jongin wasn’t paying attention though; he was too busy squinting at Suho to get him to shut his eyebrows up.

“Right then. I’d say we’re done here, hmm?” Jongdae said. Yixing nodded, beginning to rearrange his papers in neat stacks to tuck them back into his briefcase. _Hallelujah_ , Jongin sighed gratefully. Jongin stood up as the rest of the board members slowly collected their things, ready to get on with the rest of their day. The meeting wasn’t too long, just as Jongin liked, and now he could go back to his office and loiter around for the remainder of the afternoon.

Jongin was swinging his arms around as he walked back to his office when Sehun crashed into his shoulder on purpose and said, “You’re really okay with going to China next week?”

“Who said I was going to China next week?” Jongin asked nonchalantly. Suho had all but left Jongin alone now, heading to the elevator with the rest of the board members for a casual brunch, which left Jongin alone.

“You agreed to go to China when you asked me to check your schedule,” Sehun replied.

“That’s absurd, just because my schedule is clear doesn’t mean _I’m_ clear to go to China. I heard Guangzhou smells,” Jongin said, wrinkling his nose. “And it’s almost summer now so I don’t think I’m up for it.”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s too late. I already told them your schedule is clear for the whole of next week so you better pack up. I’ll get you your flight ticket and everything.”

Jongin pouted as Sehun walked ahead of him. _But I was going to meet Kyungsoo_ , Jongin thought. _Meet him and beat him too._ His bruises better not have healed yet or Jongin was going to stay put in Seoul and have at Kyungsoo by next weekend.    

Jongin entered his office, pouring himself a tiny bit of vodka to cheer himself up and texted Kyungsoo on the off chance that maybe he wasn’t busy.

_‘And how is your lovely derrière today?’_

Kyungsoo had told Jongin the day after they went to the apartment that there were red lines _and_ an overall purple, mottled color on his bum in the morning. It hurt to sit down, but in his own words he had said, _‘I don’t mind, since I wanted it in the first place.’_ Jongin was mortified to find that he liked the fact that there were marks on Kyungsoo’s ass, a personal and erotic reminder of what they’d done that day.

The red lines had disappeared, Kyungsoo reported yesterday, but the bruises were still there. Jongin hoped they’d healed up some; he really wasn’t looking forward to going to Guangzhou where it was warm, sticky and apparently smelly when he had a wonderful distraction right here in Seoul.

Kyungsoo’s reply came just as Jongin finished sipping his small cup of vodka.

_‘Still bruised. Doesn’t hurt as much unless I’m seated for too long.’_

Damn. Then he wasn’t physically fit for what Jongin had in mind just yet. _It’s been barely a week anyway_ , he told himself, annoyed with the way he wanted Kyungsoo so badly. It was best for the both of them to wait these two weeks out separately to know whether or not they wanted this weird relationship to move on. Jongin knew he wanted Kyungsoo and that was more than enough, but he wondered if Kyungsoo was still somehow hesitant with Jongin because he was afraid.

Jongin definitely wanted him because he was interested in the physical aspects of this relationship but maybe Kyungsoo wanted more. He looked like the kind to want more anyway. Jongin wasn’t against getting to know Kyungsoo better, but he still wasn’t sure if he was okay with being gay. Gay for Kyungsoo, at least.

And what about everyone? If everyone knew Jongin was in a relationship with him then would that change the way they might see him? Was he even ready for that sort of commitment?

 _Shut up, shut up,_ Jongin suddenly thought, slapping himself. _Let’s just take this one event at a time and see what happens with Kyungsoo._ That was a scary direction to go into; one he hoped he wouldn’t have to go through till he was really ready for all that heavy shit.

 _‘I’m going to China to finalize a deal with Wu Yifan next week. Do you think your bruises will heal by next weekend?’_ Jongin sent the text.

It wasn’t long before Kyungsoo replied: _‘I don’t think so. Maybe after next week. The bruises haven’t started to fade yet.’_

Jongin couldn’t help but say, “Boo,” out loud alone in his office and pout at his phone. Then there was nothing he could about it. His schedule was clear now, far too clear for him to whine and pretend to stay in Seoul. The only light at the end of this tunnel was that he’d heard a long time ago that Guangzhou sold sex toys pretty openly, so maybe he could get a few items at a good price.

 _‘Do you want a butt plug, hyung? Should I get you a butt plug from China or an extra large vibrator as a gift?’_ Jongin texted Kyungsoo offhandedly.   

His answer came less than a minute later. _‘No to both.’_

Jongin laughed at that, he could almost picture Kyungsoo blush and deleting the text from his phone before anyone saw it. _There’s no need to be shy_ , Jongin thought unabashedly. If he said no then he’d get it, without a doubt now. Maybe he’d even get some handcuffs with faux fur around the sides for a laugh, or a proper blindfold. _Ooh, the list is endless_ , Jongin thought excitedly.

He snagged a piece of paper from the left side of his desk to scribble a list of items he wanted to get in Guangzhou. At least, he’d have something to look forward to when he was in China without Kyungsoo around.

-

Two hours later, Jongin was sharing the list with Chanyeol over lunch at a barbeque restaurant, first spilling his guts about Kyungsoo’s shameful secret and that he was going to get all those items on the list because he could afford it and because he wanted to use all of it on Kyungsoo. Maybe even all at once if his body allowed it.

Chanyeol had the usual shitload of questions when he heard that Kyungsoo was into the kinkier type of sex but once Jongin answered his questions as best as he could, Chanyeol seemed to accept it with nothing more than, “I would never have expected this from him but you can’t judge a person by first impression, I guess.”

Chanyeol then read the list carefully, which was longer than Jongin would’ve thought, lifting an eyebrow at a few before looking up at him and said flatly, “You kinky son of a bitch.”

“That is a rude thing to say about my mother,” Jongin replied, poking at a piece of pork sizzling on the stove in front of him.

“Do you even know how to use a butt plug?” Chanyeol asked in amazement. Jongin shrugged. “How hard can it be? Just stick it up there, no?” Chanyeol let that slide and moved on to other items on the list.

“Oh, for the love of God, Jongin, genital clamps is going a little too far—”

“I like to think we’ll have plenty of time to see if that particular implement is as pleasurable as it sounds.”

Chanyeol shook his head and set the list aside, crossing his fingers on the table like an interviewer.

“You do know that being a Master to your slave and all that blurs the lines between… whatever it is you guys have?” he asked seriously.

“I’ve already spanked him once before, I don’t think there’s a lot more to blur out,” Jongin said. Chanyeol pursed his lips. “You spanked him? With what, your belt? And when did you do this, you dirty old man?” Chanyeol said, snickering.

“With a riding crop and I did it like, four days ago. It was really fun, and Kyungsoo’s definitely open to more things, I’m just. I want him, Chanyeol, I really do, but I don’t know if I want him that much,” Jongin said, picking up a piece of cooked pork and dipping it into a sauce before eating it.

“Ah, so now you’re starting to feel apprehensive about everything?” Chanyeol said, finally picking up his chopsticks to eat. Jongin had to barbeque everything because Chanyeol had never done all this before, let alone come into a barbeque restaurant. “Makes my clothes smell like charcoal and death,” he’d said. Jongin only just managed to force him into the restaurant by promising him that he’d tell him something juicy.

“Not apprehensive, just… well, maybe I _am_ unsure. I’ve never done this kind of thing before, especially not with a guy, and I don’t _care_ that he’s a guy, but I do care about what people might think, y’know. Like Sehun or Suho. Baekhyun knows everything about Kyungsoo, so I don’t think there’s anything to hide from him but apart from Baekhyun…”

Chanyeol nodded understandingly, picking up multiple pieces of pork with his chopsticks. “I see where you’re coming from, so okay. But why don’t you just keep it all under wraps till you’re truly ready to come out with whatever you want to say? It’s not like everyone’s breathing down your neck, trying to figure out what your relationship with Kyungsoo is about,” Chanyeol said, glancing up at him.

“That’s the thing, though. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. And at the same time I really like where everything is going to go, so I don’t want to hurt Kyungsoo,” Jongin said.

It would be a jerk thing to do if he somehow hurt Kyungsoo with all this. He was probably the first person that Kyungsoo opened up to, and he’d be scarred for life if he hurt Kyungsoo’s feelings. _He’d shrivel up like a little butterfly and just stay like that,_ Jongin thought.

Jongin was kind of careless, yes, but he wasn’t incapable of empathy. He knew what he was getting into with Kyungsoo on this.

“Maybe you could make it clear to him?” Chanyeol suggested. “Tell him that you like what you have with him right now, but you’re not entirely ready to go public. See what he thinks, and decide from there. You’re not the only person who has thoughts too.”

Jongin hummed in appreciation, indicating that he was listening. They were quite for awhile, eating their meat and rice before Chanyeol said, “What about you though? Are you okay with yourself? Have _you_ accepted that you might like other guys?”

“I don’t think I like other guys...” Jongin said hesitantly. “I like Kyungsoo just fine, but it’s not like I’m turned on when I see certain guys.” Chanyeol chewed thoughtfully.

“But you still like girls?” he asked in a confused tone.

“Well. If a hot girl came in right now, I’d still check her out,” Jongin shrugged. It wasn’t like someone had switched off his heterosexual button and switched on homosexual instead; it was like the bisexual switch had been turned on without him realizing it and yet, he was only attracted to Kyungsoo. Which was weird, obviously. He’d never heard of selective homosexuality.

“By the way, is he really going to start calling you Master and everything?” Chanyeol asked.

“We’ve never discussed that before. I don’t think I want that though, I mean so long as he lets me have his way with him I don’t think he needs to call me anything but my own name.”

“Then that isn’t really a BDSM kind of relationship,” Chanyeol replied.

“Can’t we just be together as we are and have fun when we’re alone? Even if he calls me Master while I beat him no one would know,” Jongin pouted.

He didn’t want Kyungsoo to be a ‘slave’, he wanted to know what Kyungsoo wanted him to do or not do, and he wanted Kyungsoo to enjoy it not because he was being put into his own place but because it was a two way kind of thing. They both would enjoy it equally. Kyungsoo pleased Jongin just the way he was anyway. He didn’t have to change anything or call him Master.

“So that means you both are literally in a kinky relationship that isn’t necessarily master-and-slave but you do beat him up and Kyungsoo would actually like it if you did,” Chanyeol said flatly.

Jongin paused for a moment, absorbing the sentence before he nodded brightly. “Yes, that’s about it. All I have to do is make sure Kyungsoo prefers it that way too and we both can start having real fun once I get back from China.”

“I say clear the air before heading to China, that way you know what to expect when you get back home. I’m coming with you guys too, so we can probably stop by the toy store together,” Chanyeol smiled.

“Toy store?” Jongin repeated with faint amusement.

“Yes, toy store.”

Jongin shrugged. He didn’t know how Chanyeol knew so much about BDSM relationships, but talking it out felt much better. “Text Kyungsoo now and tell him to meet you at your office when you get back. I’m coming with you and I’ll pretend to hang out in your office casually,” Chanyeol said.

“What should I say? ‘Come up to my office, would you, and I’ll pat your head for it’,” Jongin said, digging his phone out of his pocket.

“Don’t be rude about it, dude, just say you need to discuss something face-to-face,” Chanyeol replied. A dot of sauce dropped onto his lap, and he made a soundless, horrified expression while Jongin typed slowly, unaware of what just happened.

_‘Meet me in my office at 3. There’s something I need to talk to you about.’_

_Sounds serious_ , Jongin thought, while Chanyeol sputtered and looked for something to wipe the red sauce off his white pants. _I think it gets the message across though._

“Do you think my text is too serious?” Jongin asked, looking up at Chanyeol. He set his chopsticks down angrily, face red, and said, “I need a new pair of pants. NOW.”

*

Jongin and Chanyeol had to go for an emergency shopping spree to get Chanyeol a new pair of pants that could go along with his outfit after they ate. Chanyeol flung the stained pair of pants away in disgust, and that was no surprise. Chanyeol refused to wear anything with stains even if it was just a tiny one on his inner thigh. Jongin chose not to comment and just waited for at least forty minutes at Topman while Chanyeol tried on a variety of white pants that looked all the same to Jongin.

He bought a shirt and a pair of shoes as well to pass time, but Chanyeol took forever to decide between two white pants.

“I really don’t see the difference between those two, Chanyeol,” Jongin had said flatly. Chanyeol held them up to Jongin and shook the one on his left and said, “This has creases near the pockets, and this one has nice back pockets. Which one should I get?”

Jongin had to remind him that they were supposed to meet Kyungsoo at 3, and that hurried him up. He bought both instead, and put the one with nice back pockets on. By the time they got to the office it was already 3:30 and though Jongin had hoped that Kyungsoo would wait for him, he was gone and had left a message with Sehun.

“Call him back in if it’s so important or wait till tomorrow, he said. He’s got things to do, like the rest of us,” Sehun said sharply. Chanyeol mimicked a slapping motion across Sehun’s face. “ _So_ rude, Oh Sehun, Jongin has things to do, you know, being a CEO and all,” Chanyeol said defensively.

Sehun snorted and told Taewoon to get Kyungsoo.

“How long did he wait?” Jongin asked Sehun. Chanyeol bustled off into Jongin’s office first for some refreshing glass of white wine.

“Fifteen minutes, maybe twenty. Came right after lunch hour. What took you so long to get back anyway, I thought you’d left for the day,” Sehun replied, printing something out. Chanyeol hollered from inside the office, “GUYS, DO YOU WANT SOME WINE TOO?”

“We don’t have enough glasses,” Sehun called back.

“Chanyeol had to get a new pair of pants because he spilled some sauce on the ones he was wearing. He wanted to meet Kyungsoo, or else I wouldn’t have waited for him.” Chanyeol stuck his head out at the entrance of Jongin’s office and looked at them both.

“Sehun, what is Kyungsoo like?”

“Short,” Sehun said immediately. It wasn’t exactly the kind of description Jongin would give, but Chanyeol seemed to understand. He leaned against the doorway and went _oh_ like it made _so_ much sense. Not.

“Is he like Jiyoung?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin and Sehun shook their heads at the same time. “He’s cuter,” Jongin replied. Sehun made a face at him.

“He stalked you, Jongin. Major stalked you, from what I understand and he should have a restraining order against him,” he said in disgust. Chanyeol tutted away for the pride of the Republic of Korea, shaking his head. “Harsh, Sehun. That was harsh.”

He shrugged. “It’s the truth. I don’t know why Jongin keeps toying with him like a cat plays with a dead mouse before eating it.”

Jongin opened his mouth, and then closed it. “That. That is a very strange metaphor,” he said stiffly. He turned to enter his office and placed his shopping bag by the foot of his desk, sitting down nicely in his seat while Chanyeol and Sehun went on about how Kyungsoo looked. Jongin didn’t understand why they were discussing it so intensely if Kyungsoo was just going to walk into the office in a few minutes.

Regardless, it took only five minutes for Taewoon to bring Kyungsoo into Jongin’s office. Chanyeol gave him an overall look, scanning him from head to toe as if he had x-ray vision and held a thumbs up to Jongin when Kyungsoo walked past him.

 _What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ Jongin frowned. Kyungsoo entered Jongin’s office looking curious, perhaps expecting something to jump out at him. He was walking rather strangely as well, like there was a hot poker stuck up his bum. Jongin wondered if people thought that maybe Kyungsoo fell down and hurt himself.

“Erm, could you shut the door?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo did a double take and pressed the button to slide the door shut in Chanyeol’s face while Sehun had a grim expression on his face.

“That’s um, my friend Chanyeol. He’s…”

“Your friend, I know. I’ve seen him with you before. His dad is Park Jaesung, right?” Kyungsoo said, easing into his seat. _He isn’t as nervous as he used to be_ , Jongin noted. Maybe the spanking finally broke the ice between them.

“What did you er, want to talk about? It sounded urgent,” Kyungsoo said, lifting an eyebrow at Jongin.    

“Ah. Right. It won’t take long, I just… wanted to be sure about a few things,” Jongin said, clearing his throat. This would be a little more awkward than he thought. Kyungsoo tilted his head to one side curiously.

“Sure about what?” he asked quietly.

“About—well, for starters, us. I mean, Kyungsoo, I like what we have now but I don’t know if I want it to be public. My friends know a little bit about us, but I haven’t told them about what we did in the apartment, so they won’t think that we’re dating or—or in a relationship. Do you see?”

Kyungsoo nodded. “I know what you’re saying. Honestly, I didn’t think you would tell anyone about—about um,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“About us?” Jongin supplied helpfully.

“Y-yeah. And if you prefer it to be quiet then, I think that’s fine with me. It would hurt my reputation too, if it ever got out that I’m like this,” Kyungsoo blushed.

“Like this? Like how, exactly?” Jongin frowned. Like this as in tied up? A stalker? A pain slut? What?

“W-well. I’m gay. I like you. No one knows that apart from Baekhyun and Luhan, and well, maybe your friends too. I-I’m not ready for the whole world to know that I’m like this,” Kyungsoo said softly in embarrassment. Jongin had never seen the true extent of the shame of his true nature, but surely this was a record breaking kind of shame and embarrassment?

“I won’t _tell_ anyone you’re gay, Kyungsoo, don’t. Don’t worry about that. If you prefer it to be kept quiet then we’ll keep it that way. And also, if you don’t want it to get out that you’re gay then I assume that also means you don’t want people to know about us as well?” Jongin asked, just to be clear.

Kyungsoo nodded. _Good then_ , Jongin thought. Jongin wasn’t ready for absolutely everyone to know that he was interested in him either. The fact that he went to hostess clubs regularly was bad enough; he didn’t want to seem like a sex maniac. Not a great way to step into the corporate world.

“Then it’s alright with you to keep this between us till we’re ready for…” Jongin searched for the right word. “Ready to part, or to take this a step further.”

Kyungsoo laughed at that. “We won’t go any further, trust me,” he said, almost bitterly. Jongin leaned forward and lifted an eyebrow. “Why not? I suppose I never told you that I have a room in my apartment that’s ready for you. We could go as far as you want, or as little as you want, you know.”

His breath hitched at that. Kyungsoo looked away from Jongin’s gaze, squeezing his hands in his lap.   

“You didn’t have to do anything for me. I know this isn’t something that can last for long,” Kyungsoo said.

“Maybe it won’t last, true, but I intend to enjoy every last minute of it till a scandal breaks out or either of us decide to back out. I, for one, know that I’m not going to leave this so easily. Not till I have you up in my apartment and I’ve tested all your limits,” Jongin said, letting his gaze trail across Kyungsoo’s mouth.

 _He’s going to have to suck me off with that mouth soon,_ Jongin thought. If possible, he wanted to fuck that mouth hard and make him take his cock deep into his throat.

“My bruises haven’t healed yet still,” Kyungsoo said, squirming in his seat.

“I know. A great travesty, so I’ll have to wait till I get back from China to get my hands on you. Don’t hold your breath, hm?” Jongin teased, winking at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and released it shakily, pressing himself into the seat like he wanted to disappear.

“Can I see the bruises though?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo’s head snapped up. “W-why? Here, now? We can’t possibly—”

“I won’t try anything, I promise. I’ll just take a quick peek and you can pop off to your office as usual,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo sputtered in protest, but Jongin was already getting out of his seat to stand by Kyungsoo, motioning for him to stand up.

“Your office doesn’t have any privacy, how can you expect me to just take my pants off?” Kyungsoo asked indignantly, standing up slowly like he was hoping Jongin would change his mind.

“You didn’t seem to mind when I spanked your ass near the window in the apartment that day,” Jongin lifted an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. He blushed a deep red at that, moving to stand before Jongin, hands dithering around his waist.

“Just turn around and take your pants off,” Jongin instructed. They didn’t have much time before Chanyeol and Sehun would notice something was up. Kyungsoo turned slowly, hands going to the belt of his pants. There were a few clinks as his pants loosened around his waist and Jongin dragged his chair over to get a better view.

He sat down as Kyungsoo dropped his pants, letting them drop to his ankles, and he seemed to pause at his dark green boxers. They framed the shape of his ass perfectly and Jongin had no doubt the front probably looked just as great. Jongin reached a hand to touch his thighs, and Kyungsoo jolted at his touch.

“Don’t be shy,” Jongin coaxed him, hooking a finger into the waistband of his boxers and pulling downwards. Kyungsoo started to tremble, and Jongin just pulled his boxers down slowly, his shirt covering half of his ass as he shimmied out of it without trying to put on a show.

Jongin flipped his shirt over, and the afternoon sun hit the bruises at the right angle, lighting up his pale skin like alabaster. It only made his bruises all the more clear, like a watercolor stain across a blank sheet of paper.

The bruises were purple, darker at some spots and they looked like vague criss-cross lines across Kyungsoo’s ass and the upper part of his thighs. _No doubt it would hurt to sit or walk as well_ , Jongin lifted an eyebrow, ghosting a hand over the bruises.

“They actually look pretty painful. But you don’t mind the way it feels?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo shook his head.

“I… I like how they feel,” he whispered. Jongin placed a hand on the small of his back, where small dimples appeared when he exhaled. “So you like the pain and the fact that I was the one who made you this way. Why don’t you bend over so I can see the bruises a little better, hm?”

“Y-you said you wouldn’t try anything,” Kyungsoo said weakly.

“I’m not. I just want to admire the work I’ve done and kiss it all better for you. Would you like that?” Jongin asked, trying to gauge Kyungsoo’s reaction. He couldn’t see Kyungsoo’s expression but he thought that maybe he was squeezing his eyes shut in a silent prayer for mercy from which ever god that could get him out of this predicament.  

Kyungsoo hesitated far too long in Jongin’s opinion. Jongin pinched his bum lightly and he yelped, instinctively taking a step forward away from Jongin’s hand. Jongin grabbed his thigh and pulled him back roughly, trying to push his back downwards.

With a choked sob, Kyungsoo stepped out of his pants and boxers, spreading his legs a bit to bend over.

“Keep your legs straight, Kyungsoo. There’s a good boy,” Jongin smiled, watching his ass stick up into the air, his cock hanging down between his legs. It was a picture perfect pose, and Jongin wished he had a proper camera to take a picture of this. His entrance parted ever so slightly as Kyungsoo grabbed his ankles, breathing hard.

“Perfect, Kyungsoo, absolutely perfect. I can see every mark I’ve made.”

 Jongin scooted forward on his seat, placing a kiss over a bruise on his ass cheek. His skin was warm and smooth despite the bruises. He kissed another bruise a little lower from the first one and brushed his thumb as if to ease the pain, and pecked a few more before he ran a finger across the lines on Kyungsoo’s thighs. Kyungsoo’s knees trembled uncontrollably.

“What about _these_ bruises, Kyungsoo? Should I make them feel better for you?” Jongin asked, looking at his face from upside down near his legs.

“Y-yes. Yes, please,” Kyungsoo said shakily. Jongin smirked, lowering his head to kiss them better as well. He placed four kisses over each thigh agonizingly slow, catching a glimpse of Kyungsoo shutting his eyes in pleasure.

Deciding to tease Kyungsoo a little bit, Jongin slid his tongue out while Kyungsoo wasn’t paying attention and licked his balls carefully, a thin stripe from the very top down to the hilt of his cock. Kyungsoo gasped and his knees gave out, but Jongin quickly caught him and made him bend over properly again, patting his thigh gently.

“Don’t make me hit you when you’re still bruised,” Jongin said warningly. It was a threat and they both knew it; Kyungsoo gripped his ankles tightly, trying not to tremble.

Jongin brought his face to Kyungsoo’s balls again, mouthing gently with his lips and sucking on the fragile skin. “You like it?” Jongin asked huskily.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said softly, cock twitching visibly.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you look right now, hyung? Ass in the air, your pants on the ground… I could have you right now, where everyone can see through the glass walls. And when I make you scream the boys outside will know what kind of slut you are for me. You’d love it too, hyung, I know it. You’ll love it when I’m inside you, fucking your ass open right here in broad daylight…”

Kyungsoo whimpered. Jongin licked a trail to his entrance, sticking his tongue in tantalizingly. Kyungsoo unconsciously stuck his ass up a little higher, trying to get more of Jongin’s tongue.

“Imagine me inside of you, hyung. I’ll stretch you open,” he licked Kyungsoo’s entrance again, tasting salt and the sweetness of Kyungsoo’s skin, “and you’ll suck me in, grip me tight ‘cause you won’t ever want me to leave.” Jongin sucked on his entrance just a little, felt the tremor in his body and the way he tensed with Jongin’s mouth at his ass.

“But that’s for another day,” Jongin said, taking his mouth away. He sat back in his seat as Kyungsoo made a small, disappointed noise in his throat.

“You can’t have it all within a week, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said admonishingly. “Stand up and put your pants on.”

Kyungsoo straightened his back, his shirt slightly damp with sweat now. He picked his boxers up from the ground, putting them on slowly over his hard cock. Jongin watched him put his pants back on, his erection pressing against his pants.

“Turn around, hyung,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo did so, facing him with his gaze downwards.

“Kiss me.” Kyungsoo looked up at him, maybe affronted that he would talk to someone older than him by a year this way.

Kyungsoo stepped forward anyway between Jongin’s legs, lowering himself once more to place a hand on Jongin’s shoulder and neared his face, pressing a kiss to Jongin’s mouth. His lips were soft and smooth like butter. When he moved away, Jongin smirked. “I think this will all be a lovely reminder when you get back to work, hm? And one more thing, Kyungsoo.”

Jongin stood up, immediately crowding his body around Kyungsoo’s smaller frame. He was so close he could smell Kyungsoo’s body wash and an underlying hint of sweat. “Don’t touch yourself. I want you hot and hard for me by the time I get back from China,” Jongin whispered in his ear. There was a mole on his tragus, a small tiny one that Jongin wasn’t sure if he’d ever noticed before. _It’s cute_ , Jongin decided. _Real cute._ Jongin quickly pecked it before moving away.    

Kyungsoo was burning red, but he managed in a small voice, “I’ll see you when you get back from China then.”

Jongin smiled, running a hand through Kyungsoo’s hair. “Yes, you will. I assume you know the way out?”

Kyungsoo walked out of the office stiffly, head lowered as he left and Chanyeol ambled in, cooing goodbye after Kyungsoo’s retreating figure. “So?” he said excitedly, holding an empty wine glass in his hand.  

“So what?” Jongin repeated.

“How did it go? Is he alright with everything?” Chanyeol rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I think he is. We’ve cleared everything up and now all there’s left to do is get ourselves to China,” Jongin said, smiling knowingly. Chanyeol went over to his wet bar to refill his drink.

“Good then. I wanted a refill but I wasn’t sure if it was alright to come in. Sounded pretty hush-hush awhile ago,” Chanyeol said, digging around to see if Jongin would tell him what they spoke about just now. Jongin just shrugged, pulling chair back behind his desk, dropping down heavily into it.

“It was nothing,” Jongin said. What they just did was nothing compared to what Jongin wanted to do with him, that is.

*

Jongin flew to Guangzhou as he promised Yifan in his private jet with the rest of his friends. Chanyeol made them all dress accordingly once more and sent a long string of messages to Suho on their group chat the night before their flight, reminding him that it was a sin to wear shorts no matter the season.

 _‘I won’t!! I already set out an outfit just like you asked.’_ Suho had said on the group chat. He then uploaded a photo of himself wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a pink long sleeved shirt. Jongin blanched at that, but at least it was better than shorts. Chanyeol told him to burn the top but to keep the pants on.

Sehun chose to wear a sleeveless top and jeans tighter than the ones Suho had on. Jongin and Baekhyun were the only ones who looked normal with a normal cotton t-shirt and pants that didn’t threaten to explode every time they sat down. Chanyeol topped off the madness as usual with a hat so big it couldn’t fit into the entrance of the plane. He had to take it off and hold it vertically to enter and exit the plane.

In Guangzhou, it was hotter than Jongin expected. They started sweating the second they got down the plane; the heat practically slapped Jongin in the face and left him breathing the warm, humid air with some difficulty. Even the sun felt different here; it glared down at them angrily, trying to pierce their dark sunglasses with its sunbeams.

Chanyeol had his stupid hat on so it wasn’t as bad for him, though there was no cooling breeze so his back started sweating just like the rest of them. They couldn’t pile into the limo Yifan deployed for them any faster when it arrived.

At the hotel, Jongin, Sehun and Suho sat together around a small table in Sehun’s suite to cover some details with the air conditioning blasting from the ceiling at 16 degrees. Suho informed Yifan that they’d arrived safely and they were to meet him at his private residence after sundown. Jongin desperately wished in the back of his mind while he read through endless sheets of papers that he could be back in Seoul or at least, have Kyungsoo with him in this heat.

 _I wouldn’t mind getting down and dirty with him in the heat like this_ , Jongin thought idly. The heat would be a blanket over their skin and Kyungsoo would probably turn a delectable shade of pink all over in mere seconds.

Sadly, Kyungsoo wasn’t needed on this trip to make copies or whatever it was he did and he was back in Seoul, doing God only knew what. Jongin could still text Kyungsoo, but Sehun and Suho were being a pain in the butt as usual. After an hour of constant talking and rifling through papers, they suggested getting something to eat.

“ _Finally_ ,” Jongin sighed, sinking into his seat. All he’d had the entire day was food from the flight and nothing else. If he couldn’t rest then he needed something to fill his tummy with. Sehun got out of his seat to call up room service and read efficiently from the menu, ordering in a few Chinese dishes. 

“Do you think Yifan has a girlfriend?” Jongin asked distractedly, putting his feet up at the foot of Sehun’s bed. Suho was still reading through a few papers and making edits here and there, but looked up when Jongin said that.

“Why? You plan on getting it on with her?”

“God, no. Lord only knows what kind of girls he’s into,” Jongin made a face. Suho laughed. “Then why do you ask?”

“Dunno. He’s such a stuck up guy… What kind of girl would want to date him?” Jongin said. Suho stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Well, now that you put it that way, a guy I know seems to come to mind who is very similar to what you just said, except he has a stalker—”

Jongin kicked his chair viciously, hoping to topple him over on his seat but Suho was far too sure footed for that. He gave Jongin a haughty smile as he scowled back.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Suho replied. That wasn’t a very big surprise. “And why not? Don’t make me kick you over again,” Jongin said.

Suho ignored his threat and said, “He used to date someone. It went on for about three years before there was absolutely no news about his personal life. Sometimes people overseas recognize him at resorts or holiday spas, but no one’s ever really seen who it is. He’s smart, I’ll give him that ‘cause he always brings a few people along so no one except themselves know who he’s really with. Then he made it clear early this year that he wasn’t dating anyone anymore. Poor girl probably couldn’t take his charisma and all.”

“Huh,” Jongin replied eloquently. Yifan had something, that was for sure, but it wasn’t charisma. Not to Jongin. He had as much warmth as a practiced smile and had this cold look in his eyes sometimes. He scared Jongin just a little, like he had to watch his back rather than see him as a partner in business. 

“Does that answer your question?” Suho asked dryly.

“Well, yeah, but why did they break up? Do you think it’d be rude to ask him when we go to his place later?” Jongin asked.

“I welcome you to try although I won’t be there to back you up if he gets angry or whatever,” Suho said easily. _Helpful_ , Jongin huffed. Sehun hung up the phone, done with ordering in and joined them, rearranging the papers in different stacks.

“Heard you asking about Yifan’s girlfriend. Let me just point out that you are now in a very suspicious game with Kyungsoo and if you somehow get tangled in dating trouble I have no power to do anything for you,” Sehun said icily. Ah, the love he was receiving from his friends.

“He’s not dating anyone, but thanks for the concern,” Jongin replied, snarky. Sehun shrugged back.

“Baekhyun told me that Yifan has a pool at his place,” Suho said nonchalantly. Sehun lifted an eyebrow. “Well, don’t let Chanyeol know. He’ll want to come along in his studded Speedo or God knows what else he harbors from home—”

“Where does one even get a studded Speedo?” Chanyeol’s deep voice suddenly asked. Jongin hadn’t even heard him enter, let alone see him sneak up behind Sehun. Scary, Jongin decided. Very scary. Sehun turned around, unruffled, and said, “I don’t know, but I supposed you would own one. We ordered in so join us.”

“Don’t change the fucking subject, I heard _everything_ ,” Chanyeol accused, poking Sehun’s bony chest. Oh dear God. Jongin silently prayed that Chanyeol would see how important this trip was and have the sense to not want to come along.

“I am _so_ coming along if he has an infinity pool,” Chanyeol declared. Suho and Jongin looked at each other.

“He has a normal pool,” Sehun tried to say, but Chanyeol pushed him aside and sat down. “Baekhyun and I were chatting before I came over to see what you were all up to, and he told me he has a pool the size of _two_ Olympic pools. _Two_ , guys. You can swim in there _and_ lounge at the same time without feeling the fucking ripples from whoever is doing laps,” Chanyeol said, emphasizing the words.

“I um, I don’t think any of us will be doing laps,” Sehun said uncertainly. Chanyeol shushed his protest.

“And I brought swimming trunks, my good friends. So I’d say this is my destiny to swim in Wu Yifan’s pool,” Chanyeol said, folding his arms. Baekhyun came in then, shutting the door behind him. Sehun looked at him up and down. “What is this place, the public bathroom?” he asked no one in particular.

Jongin tried to reason with Chanyeol instead. “There’s a pool right here in this hotel—”

“Public. Everyone and everyone’s mother has been in it. Meanwhile, Yifan’s pool probably only has his germs floating around,” Chanyeol countered. “And how can you expect me to survive in this heat any longer than twenty four hours without a large body of water for me to submerge in or 24/7 air conditioning?”

Suho tried to point out that no one was going to turn off the damned air conditioning, but there was no reasoning with Chanyeol when he was this far along with his own madness.

“I _will_ get into that pool and I don’t care what you lot think. It’s not like you don’t want to jump in either.” But where was the sense of etiquette? Jongin furrowed his eyebrows. Last time he checked it wasn’t the norm to jump into whoever’s pool was convenient. Jongin suddenly briefly wondered if he would get into the pool if Kyungsoo was going to jump in as well.

 _Things would certainly be different if he’s here,_ Jongin thought almost wistfully. Yes, there’d be an entirely different set of rules and he’d be in a totally different mood. He suddenly wished he’d never spanked Kyungsoo so hard.

Suho motioned for everyone to settle down. Baekhyun took a cautious seat beside him, handing him a file. “Sorry if I’m intruding,” he muttered.

“It’s okay, Baekhyun, Sehun is just being the unfriendly neighborhood cat he is. Chanyeol, why don’t we ask Yifan if we’re allowed to use his pool first, and if he says it’s alright—”

“Which he will,” Chanyeol cut in. Suho went on as if he hadn’t interrupted.

“Then we’ll all get in, alright? But if he doesn’t then you’ll have to stay indoors till we’re done. Unfortunately,” Suho added mournfully. Chanyeol opened his mouth to say something, and then thought the better of it and shut his pie hole.

Jongin suddenly remembered what he was here for in the first place. “Er, Chanyeol, I might need to do some shopping soon so maybe you’d like to come along for that?” he asked subtly. Chanyeol took the hint and nodded knowingly. “I’ll come,” he said.

“If everything goes well, we can go back the day after tomorrow,” Suho confirmed. If _everything goes well_ , Jongin thought, stroking his chin. If everything went well then Kyungsoo better be prepared for when Jongin came back.

-

Jongin thought he made a very wise decision in wearing the exact same outfit to Yifan’s home, since he didn’t have anything else that was more cooling. _Beach shorts is probably taking it too far_ , Jongin had mused. It might be Yifan’s private residence they were heading to, but it was still a meeting nonetheless.

He did, however, make Chanyeol borrow him a pair of beach shorts ‘just in case’. He had a feeling that if Yifan didn’t mind them getting into the pool, Chanyeol would want all of them to get in as well.

They rode for a half hour to Yifan’s residence, a large five storey building that could rival Chanyeol’s home in terms of beauty and price tag. It was in an isolated area with no one around for miles as well. _Guess he likes his privacy_ , Jongin thought to himself while getting out of the car. Though Jongin didn’t know what kind of privacy an unmarried man would need (except for the sexual kind of privacy).

Yifan’s home was a lot like him; cold-looking with all its stainless steel and glass, ultra modern design and unapologetic in size. Baekhyun had briefly mentioned that some superstar had rented his place out for a day once to film his music video. It looked like the sort of place where one could throw pool parties every night. Bright lights lit up the whole place as if it was still day.

Yifan greeted them by the gates of his home, apparently having a glass of sparkling water on the grass, where a large glass table and chairs had been set up. He had on a white collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up at his arms. It was the most casual Jongin had seen of him. He waved and smiled when he saw them approaching his lawn, although his smile faltered when he saw Chanyeol’s head bobbing behind the rest of them.

“Chanyeol, I think he doesn’t like you from that one time we had lunch with him,” Jongin said casually, pretending to look at Sehun.

“He’ll love me once I put his pool to good use. Where is it anyway?” Chanyeol replied, looking around surreptitiously. Suho stomped on Chanyeol’s foot to shut him up and he yelped, hopping the rest of the way till they finally stopped before Yifan.

“Suho, Jongin… Lovely to see you here in my hometown. I see you brought your friend as well, from last time,” Yifan said, glancing at Chanyeol whose face was crumpled with pain as he gripped his foot.

Jongin cleared his throat quickly and smiled, “Ah yes, he’s quite a good friend to all of us. He um, came along with us for a short holiday and—”

“We heard that you have a pool. Can we swim in it? The heat is just short of unbearable,” Chanyeol cut in. A shocked silence fell over the rest of them. Sehun closed his eyes as if he wanted the world to disappear, and Yifan’s mouth fell open slightly. Jongin made a mental note to never ever bring Chanyeol along on a business trip ever again.

Then Yifan spoke slowly: “I had no idea the heat would be so terrible for you Seoulites. Is it that bad? It’s considered quite cool today,” Yifan said, sounding a little guilty.

“It’s not that bad,” Suho started, but Chanyeol cut in once more. “Oh, it’s _terrible_ here, I don’t know how you take it, Yifan. Can I call you Yifan? I’ll call you Yifan and you can call me Chanyeol okay, let’s not get too formal, I’m really just here for your pool…” And so on.

The funny thing was that Yifan didn’t even look startled or affronted that Chanyeol was just here to use his home’s facilities. In fact, he looked like he wanted to be friends with Chanyeol. Jongin was starting to wonder if Yifan was as normal as he seemed.

“I must apologize then, I should’ve chosen a day when it is cooler to have company over. But the pool is around the back and you’re all very welcome to use it. I hardly use it myself so it’d be good to see someone in the pool for once,” Yifan said, gesturing to the green lawn behind him, where it led around the side of his house all the way to the back.

“Oh, we don’t mean to intrude, Mr. Wu, really it’s not all that hot—” Suho sputtered, good manners overriding everything else but Yifan hushed him and made his servants (who were middle aged women, Jongin noted with mild surprise) carry the glass table to the back where the pool was.

“We shall dine by the pool for convenience. If it’s alright?” Yifan said, glancing at Jongin. He shrugged. “Poolside sounds good.”

If the front of house was stunning, the pool was downright heavenly. Lights stuck to the bottom of his gigantic pool made the blue water look like a magical portal and ripples across the surface threw silvery shadows all over the place. His home overlooked part of Guangzhou’s Pearl River, and it was a pretty sight to behold as Yifan’s private chef served them dinner, ‘progressive Chinese cuisine’, as he called it.

Chanyeol wasn’t as hungry as he was eager to get into the pool, but he ate and bided his time anyway, listening to their conversation quietly and letting them get on with their work while he fiddled with his phone sometimes.

The food was great, Jongin noticed as they talked. The portions were small but apparently each dish from the twenty four course meal served not to fill one’s stomach but to tantalize the senses and linger in one’s palate. It all could’ve gone down with a bit of wine or beer in Jongin’s humble opinion but he didn’t have to ask to know that Yifan probably didn’t have a drop of alcohol in his home.

By the twentieth course, Jongin, Suho and Yifan signed the papers accordingly. At the twenty second course, Tao arrived surprisingly and Yifan welcomed him to join them. He was stony as ever but seemed very at ease with his surroundings like it was his home as well.

Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Tao sat together at the table and somehow managed to strike up a conversation about Guangzhou’s sights while Jongin was occupied, and when he turned to look at them Tao was actually smiling. Suho caught his line of view and smiled.

“Looking good,” Suho mouthed at him. Meanwhile, Sehun was not interested in conversation, but rather was intrigued by the taste of roasted duck flavored ice cream. It was strange to Jongin, yet somewhat delicious. He never knew duck could taste savory as an ice cream. At the end of the meal, Chanyeol and Baekhyun practically leapt out of their seats to jump into the pool.

As they spoke, Yifan suddenly changed the course of the conversation from business to something else. It got boring all too quickly and while Suho distracted Yifan with stimulating conversation, Jongin dug out his phone to snap a photo for Kyungsoo since he wasn’t here to see all this anyway. He was pleasantly surprised though, to see not one but three messages from Kyungsoo waiting for him; they had all been sent about three hours ago.

_‘Luhan here. How dare you leave Kyungsoo here in Seoul while you whore around in China.’_

He chuckled. There was another message as well.

_‘That was really Luhan, I didn’t send that.’_

And another that said: _‘Are you mad?’_

Jongin could practically hear the sadness in the text. He took a photo of the view first, and then typed out a reply:

_‘No, I’m not mad. And I’m not whoring around, I’ll have you know that. I’m here solely to get some items at a cheap price without shipping them to Korea.’_

He sent it, checking the time. Seoul was ahead of Guangzhou by an hour, and it was midnight already back home. _I’ll wait_ , Jongin decided. He wouldn’t be surprised if Kyungsoo was waiting for his reply.

Jongin placed his phone on the table and attempted to launch himself back into Yifan and Suho’s conversation, but listened closely to their conversation and realized that Suho was talking about his childhood to Yifan. And Yifan was listening very intently, as if the childhood of a rich boy from Seoul was absolutely fascinating. _Is Suho blushing?_ Jongin frowned.

“I think I’ll go for that swim now,” Jongin said, getting up. _No way am I going to get cozy with Yifan_ , he thought, shuddering inwardly. Yifan blinked as if someone had just poured cold water down his back.

“Oh right. Go right ahead,” Yifan said, eyes unfocused and moony. Suho had stopped talking and gave Jongin a sheepish smile.

“Thanks,” Jongin said without making eye contact and hurried off to the pool with his phone. _What the fuck was that about?_ Jongin asked himself. That was even scarier than watching a horror movie alone in a haunted house. He quickly took his shirt off and placed his phone together with his shirt on a recliner, kicking off his shoes and getting into the water in record time as if he could wash the experience away.

“This is the life,” Chanyeol declared loudly, lying on the surface of the water while his feet paddled to keep himself afloat. Sehun was texting while standing still at a spot in the pool.

“Sehun, since when did you get in the pool?” Jongin demanded, swimming over to him. At the same time, Baekhyun got out of the water to get a drink or something. _Huh_ , Jongin thought, _good luck getting anything out of Yifan now._  

“Since I finished dessert,” Sehun replied.

“Oh,” Jongin replied eloquently. “Why is Suho talking about his past like it’s some hushed up secret?” Sehun glanced at Yifan and Suho at the table. Tao had magically disappeared as well, maybe into the house for something interesting to do.

“Dunno. Maybe Yifan likes him,” Sehun said, before snickering.

“Don’t, Sehun, that sounds weird. Suho’s not gay,” Jongin laughed. He swished some water around, making little torpedoes in the water as he tried to get out of the water and check his phone to see if Kyungsoo had replied.

He did, and Jongin opened up the message, leaning against the side of the pool to read it.

_‘I never said you were whoring around, that was seriously Luhan. Is everything going alright with Yifan?’_

Jongin replied: _‘Will you let Luhan know that if I could, I would’ve brought you along? And yes, thank you for your concern. How did you like the picture of Guangzhou at night?’_

Jongin would’ve done more than bring him along. He would’ve brought him vibrator shopping and whatnot, and try them all out on him before even leaving Guangzhou. But buying the toys alone tomorrow, with only Chanyeol for company would be fun too. He could surprise Kyungsoo with some fun toys.

Kyungsoo’s reply came. _‘It’s beautiful. I’ve never been. Yes, I’ll tell Luhan that.’_

_‘It’s pretty but I think it’d be prettier with you around.’_

Jongin didn’t know how Kyungsoo might take that, but it was true. He didn’t want to be here in the first place but had Kyungsoo came along he’d have the perfect distraction at hand. _Whatever_ , Jongin thought. He sent it, biting his lip.

Kyungsoo’s reply three minutes later made him laugh aloud, till Chanyeol and Sehun glared at him.

_‘Stop trying to flirt with me.’_

“Jongin, why are you acting like a bitch?” Sehun asked conversationally. Jongin ignored him and held back a fit of laughter and snorts, turning away from them to type out a reply without feeling like his friends were watching him like a flock of hawks.

 _‘I’m not flirting, I’m merely trying to point out the truth… Did you touch yourself today?’_ Jongin asked. He put his phone down after sending the text to look up at the night sky, wondering if maybe Kyungsoo was doing the same too, sitting outside his house under the persimmon tree with Luhan, doing… things that people do when they sat under a tree. What _could_ they do though, have a picnic or something? Before his thoughts could trail off into a lucid stream of senseless thoughts, his phone buzzed.

_‘No. I wanted to but I didn’t.’_

Jongin bit down on a smile. It might’ve been all the weather or all the food he had but he was ludicrously happy that Kyungsoo obeyed him. _Maybe this won’t be so bad_ , Jongin thought. 

*

“Does this come in a larger size?” Jongin said into his phone. A few seconds later, there was a _boop_ and an audio translation of what he’d just said played for the sales assistant waiting patiently beside Jongin. The young girl working at the store went yes, yes, yes excitedly in Mandarin ( _that_ he could understand, at least) and hurried off to get the vibrator for Jongin in the back of the store.

“Are you sure that can even fit into someone’s ass?” Chanyeol asked distractedly, weighing two different colored love eggs in his hands. “Which one is better do you think?” he asked. One was silver and another was pink. Jongin stared at both before pointing at the silver one. He placed the vibrator he’d been holding back on the shelf (which wasn’t all that big), and continued to browse through other items.

The business part of this trip was finally over. They’d been in Guangzhou for two days, and tonight they were to return home but not before Jongin and Chanyeol bought all the items on their own respective lists.

Apparently, Chanyeol’s girlfriend was quite the frisky gal, and had requested Chanyeol to buy just a few sex toys, nothing too extreme. Chanyeol had already found most of what he wanted at a sex store less than ten blocks away from their hotel, but Jongin was nowhere done with his list.

The store was painted a cute pink, with five tall shelves selling all sorts of inappropriate looking items rather openly. Because he’d never seen, much less used most of these items, he took far longer to browse through the store than Chanyeol, picking up strange looking devices every so often. There were some pretty bizarre ones, from something called Arab strap, to a ball lock and a triple crown. Jongin could only guess what most of these were for, since everything was in Mandarin and the only English words printed on the boxes were the names of the items. Nevertheless, Jongin thought it’d be easier to just get everything and dumped whatever that could be used on a cock into a basket the girl working at the store provided for him. He could Google all this shit later in Seoul or ask Kyungsoo about them. Jongin was willing to bet Kyungsoo had never seen half of these items in real life, though.

 _Can’t wait till I get home and use one of these things on him. Kyungsoo’s gonna freak_ , Jongin thought with a smile.

The girl returned from the back of the store with a box in her hand, taking out the largest vibrator Jongin had ever seen for him to examine. It was dark purple and shaped vaguely like a dick, but it looked like it could fit into anyone’s ass with a bit of lubrication. The widest part of it wasn’t even _that_ wide.

“Do you have some batteries for me to try?” Jongin said to his phone once more. The internet was _so_ helpful at times like these. The girl listened to the translations and nodded, taking the vibrator out of his hand to put the batteries in behind the counter.

 _He’s gonna have a hell of a time with that up his ass_ , Jongin thought.

“Jongin, do you need some of these sex swings?” Chanyeol called from the other side of the shelf.

“No, I already have one,” Jongin called back. Still uninstalled too. He wasn’t going to put it up till he was certain Kyungsoo would be coming around, otherwise it’d be a damned hassle to get it down from the ceiling in case of unwanted guests.

Abruptly, there was a loud clatter, like a small item dropping to the ground. Jongin thought he’d bumped into something but when he turned around there was nothing. He was trying to decided what kind of gag would be best to use on Kyungsoo when Chanyeol’s head popped from around the corner of the shelf, mouth gaping open.  

“You bought a sex swing?” he asked, voice choked. Jongin blinked. “Well, what did you think I was redecorating my room the other day for? For the fun of it?”

Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. “So you really want to do this with him then?” he asked. Jongin sighed, laughing. “I wouldn’t have flown all the way to China just to get me some toys,” Jongin held up a ball gag for emphasis, “at a good price if I didn’t want him.”

“It sounds like a lot of effort just to have sex with someone is all I’m saying.” Jongin rolled his eyes.

“Which gag do you think is better, something made of cloth or a ball gag?” Jongin asked.

“I dunno, use a tie or something. And why do you need a sex swing?” Chanyeol asked, shrugging his shoulders quite violently. Jongin smirked.

“What, you think it’s weird that I want to dangle Kyungsoo from the ceiling and have my way with him while he’s suspended?” he asked, placing the ball gag back on the shelf. A tie actually sounded pretty good. It felt like a more personal touch, and he did have quite a selection of ties. He could certainly spare a few for kinky purposes.

“No, I just don’t think I’ve ever been this close to a sex maniac. But anyway, I see you plan on having a helluva time with him. You’re buying quite a lot,” Chanyeol remarked, pointing at the basket Jongin was holding. It wasn’t heavy since most of the items were small but there was definitely a large variety of items. Jongin wondered if he’d ever really use all of them.

“I will. Kyungsoo doesn’t even have _this_ much in his stash so it’ll be worth what I’m spending,” Jongin winked. Chanyeol shuddered as if he accidentally pictured Jongin and Kyungsoo in bed, and ran an anxious hand over the sleeve of his fabulous shirt.

“Sounds like you’re trying to outdo him,” Chanyeol remarked. He picked up an object from Jongin’s basket and looked at it suspiciously.

“More like I’m trying to _do_ him.” Jongin waggled his eyebrows playfully. Chanyeol couldn’t stop rolling his eyes during the rest of their shopping trip.

In the end, Jongin bought at least half a dozen vibrators of different sizes, a few different types of cock rings, nipple clamps, genital clamps, three dildos and a gag or two in case a tie didn’t cut it. He bought handcuffs as well, soft nylon rope and other restraining devices. The two white, non-descriptive plastic bags he carried back to the hotel were surprisingly heavy, but he was already clicking his heels together with glee, eager to get back to Seoul.


	9. you see these shackles, baby, I'm your slave (I'll let you whip me if I misbehave)

“Kyungsoo, how is your ass doing and is it up for a bit of pain?” Jongin said over the phone. A plane flew over him as he spoke, and the sound of wind and engines thundered in his ears, drowning out whatever Kyungsoo’s reply was.

“What?” Jongin yelled into the phone at the top of his lungs. Suho and Sehun turned around to glance at him but he pretended not to notice. They couldn’t hear what he was saying from the front, the runway was too fucking noisy. The only people who could hear what Jongin was saying were Chanyeol, who walked beside him happily, smiling up at the sun with his sunglasses on for no apparent reason, and Baekhyun who glanced at him from beside Chanyeol, but that was all. He probably could imagine what Kyungsoo would say.

“I said, I’m busy and I don’t have time to talk to you about things like that,” Kyungsoo’s voice said through the phone crossly.

“But I want to know how you’re doing so I can move my schedule around,” Jongin protested mildly. They had just landed in Seoul five minutes ago, literally, and Jongin was dragging his brand new luggage bag containing his new toys across the large expanse of the airport runway because he didn’t want customs opening up his bag only to find his spanking new collection of sex toys. Needless to say though, making a call from the runway was about as easy as trying to pick an outfit to wear today. He could hardly hear anything Kyungsoo was saying but he couldn’t wait till he got home.

“Look, I’m doing something right now and I can’t really talk ‘cause my hands are busy so can you call me back at a later time?” Kyungsoo said, sounding impatient. The noises in his background were pretty loud too, and Kyungsoo was talking awfully softly for some reason.

“Fine then. Is an hour alright with you?” Jongin said, already feeling sulky. He’d been itching to send him videos of how the vibrators looked when they were switched on and how one of them could even light up to see if Kyungsoo liked them or not, but he obviously wasn’t feeling very generous right now.

“An hour… Yeah, I guess that’s fine,” Kyungsoo said, sounding distracted. Then there was a familiar noise in Kyungsoo’s background but before Jongin could identify it, Kyungsoo said quickly, “I’m hanging up now, bye.” Jongin opened his mouth to protest, but only a dial tone remained, signaling the end of the call.

He stared at his phone as he walked across the runway with his friends. Sehun and Suho were blissfully unaware ahead of him while Chanyeol lifted an eyebrow at him. “He hung up on you?” he asked.

“It’s not the hanging up part, it’s the nerve to hang up on me part,” Jongin said blankly, stuffing his phone into his pocket.

“Ah. Well, good news is that you’re his boss, hmm?” Chanyeol replied. He exhaled, looking up at the sky again. “Seoul is just _so_ beautiful, don’t you think?” he asked, taking off his magnificent hat and placing it on his chest in a gesture of respect.

“I dunno, I want to go home,” Jongin pouted. They entered the airport building, luggage bag wheels rolling quietly across the tiled floors. Chanyeol and Baekhyun each had roller bags like Jongin, but Sehun and Suho held briefcases determinedly because ‘it makes us look like we came back from a business trip, not a fucking holiday,’ as Sehun so snidely put it. Clearly, Sehun was in need of a holiday.

“He needs to work, y’know, for the country’s economy. Kyungsoo is actually indirectly supporting you,” Chanyeol said, trying to sound wise.

“Yes, but it’s me who gives out paychecks at the end of the day—”

“You mean your dad.”

“My dad, me… What’s the difference? And I don’t care who pays who, but why did he hang up on me? What could possibly be so interesting that he has to hang up on _me_?” Jongin asked. Chanyeol thought about it.

“Something that pays him good money?” Chanyeol guessed. If only Jongin had something to biff his head over with, like an expensive hard clutch. He settled for a dry look and continued to sulk as they walked.

“Oh shit,” Suho suddenly groaned, slapping his forehead with a hand. He stopped in his tracks, and so did the rest of them. Jongin looked at him. “You need to shit?”

“No, I—God, I completely forgot to ask the flight attendant to lead us to the VIP section,” Suho said. _Oh_ , Jongin thought. It was no secret that they were in China, and undoubtedly there’d be photographers waiting for them at the lobby. Well, luckily he was dressed nicely for the occasion. Sehun sighed audibly.

“I know the way, so it’s okay,” Sehun said. Suho shook his head before he was even done talking. “No, the usual place is closed for renovation; I saw a signboard before we left for China. I don’t know where the temporary new VIP hall is.”

Chanyeol listened, furrowed his eyebrows together, and shrugged, starting to walk again. He brushed between Sehun and Suho, his hat messing Suho’s fringe.

“It’s not the first time we’ll be dealing with the photographers,” Chanyeol said nonchalantly over his shoulder. Suho rearranged his fringe with mild annoyance, tutting away. Sehun sighed for a second time and followed Chanyeol’s example, his lips pressed into a thin line. There was nothing they could do, after all.

“Whatever then,” Jongin shrugged, trying to catch up with Sehun. He didn’t want to be walking alone when the photographers gathered around him.  

Once they emerged in the public area, photographers swarmed around them like flies to honey, fingers clicking eagerly at their cameras. At first it was annoying, the way the flashes kept coming every single second. But it did remind Jongin of that photo session he’d had with Kyungsoo and a smile played on his lips for a few moments as cameras flashed around them, almost blinding him were it not for the fact he had sunglasses on. Suddenly it didn’t seem so bad. This outcome of fame certainly wasn’t the worst part of it.

They shuffled slowly through the crowd as Sehun shooed everyone away with his thin, arched eyebrows and cold words. He spotted Mr. Lee somewhere over the chaos and waved at him. Jongin was soon led into his Rolls Royce, where he and Sehun climbed in and the door slammed shut in the photographers’ faces, to Jongin’s surprise.

“Isn’t Suho getting in?” Jongin asked, glancing at Sehun.

“Nope, he has to see his parents. Chanyeol’s driver is here to pick him up, surprisingly, and I think Baekhyun went home with him,” Sehun replied.

“Ah. And you’re here with me because…?” Jongin tilted his head to one side. Sehun hit him in the chest with his hard briefcase. “Because I’m your friend and your driver knows where I live.” Oh, the joys of friendship. 

“…Okay. I don’t understand why Kyungsoo hung up on me,” Jongin whined, jiggling his small roller bag to make it stand properly.

“Did you call him just now? Jesus, Jongin, could you just calm down, he’s probably not that interested in you,” Sehun scoffed, running his hands through his black hair. He sniffed his fingers after that and made a disgusted face. “Need to wash my hair soon…” he muttered.

“Ew. Don’t touch me with those fingers now. And I have reasons to believe that Kyungsoo is plenty interested me okay, I just—I rarely call him so I don’t get why he didn’t want to talk to me,” Jongin pouted. Really, the only time he ever called Kyungsoo was that time at the club in Hongdae. Sehun sighed heavily, shaking his head and taking off his sunglasses.

“He’s gonna call you back soon, okay? This isn’t a big deal so stop bitching about it already. God, you sound like one of those desperate middle aged women trying to get a guy.” Jongin sputtered indignantly, but Sehun wasn’t done. He glanced at Jongin’s luggage standing innocently in front of Jongin.

“And what the fuck is in the luggage bag, Jongin, you look like you’re five years old when you drag it all over the place,” Sehun said, reaching for it but Jongin kicked it away quickly, almost like a reflex move.

“It’s nothing. Why? Some personal items, that’s all,” Jongin said, trying to sound nonchalant. Sehun lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Is there a dead body in there?” Sehun asked slowly.

“What? Fuck no, how can an adult fit into the bag?” Jongin said.

“You must’ve cut it up then. Okay, so who was it—”

“Quit joking! My pride is hurt now,” Jongin said, slapping Sehun’s arm hard. That shut him up although he was smiling a crooked smile as he settled into his seat. “As if you could murder someone…”

Jongin whipped his head around to snap at Sehun but bit on his tongue. He wanted to yell at him that he was going to do very rude things to Kyungsoo soon, things Sehun probably never even dreamed of doing and that murdering a man wouldn’t change the fact that he was most likely going to Hell for what he had in mind for Kyungsoo. Instead he just took a deep breath and thought of something smart to say.

Before he could even say anything, Jongin’s phone rang in his pocket. He and Sehun glanced at it at the same time.

“You gonna get that?” Sehun asked.

“Told you he’s interested in me,” Jongin scoffed, digging his phone out and answering the call without looking at the caller ID.

“Oh, are your hands free now?” Jongin said loudly. “’Cause I think _my_ hands are not free at this moment—”

“Shut it, Jongin, it’s me,” Chanyeol said on the phone. His voice was loud enough that Sehun heard it from beside Jongin, and he laughed aloud, leaning over the seat and clapping his hands like a seal.

Jongin rolled his eyes, pursing his lips. Really, how childish could Sehun be? “I’m hanging up now.”

“No you’re not, I can’t find my Rolex so could your eyes peeled for it in case I left it in your luggage bag by mistake? If you find it, just send it over to me… Who did you think I was?” Chanyeol asked.

“Not you,” Jongin deadpanned. He hung up, too insulted and disgruntled at this point to care about what Chanyeol might do to him for hanging up without saying goodbye. “Who taught you your fucking manners?” Chanyeol would ask.

Meanwhile, Sehun was wiping his tears of happiness away when Jongin stomped on his foot, just because it felt like the appropriate thing to do.

-

When Jongin finally reached his apartment, Mr. Lee came in with him to drop off his luggage bags. It had been fifty five minutes since he called Kyungsoo and he was wondering if calling him five minutes too early might seem too keen. Well, he _was_ keen. That was to say, keen to show Kyungsoo his new stuff and get his opinion on the toys.

Mr. Lee shut the door behind him as he left, but he barely noticed. Jongin made his way to the spare room with his new luggage bag of toys, kicking the door open and staring at the room as if it was to blame for all his troubles.

 _If calling him is too keen then I might as well call him a little later_ , Jongin thought. Tonguing the inside of his cheek tetchily, he dragged the luggage bag to the daybed where he sat down and unzipped it, throwing the cover open to reveal two large, white plastic bags bulging with hard spots here and there. He took them out and poured the contents of both bags into the luggage bag.

Most of the items were pink for some reason, although there were a few toys in black, mostly the restraining devices and one of the dildos. Jongin had no idea what he’d actually do with half of these items, but the internet was always there to provide advice and guidance. Besides, learning how to use them on Kyungsoo would be an experience, in any case. He began to arrange them into different drawers slowly, placing the vibrators into a separate drawer, and butt plugs, dildos, his paddle and riding crop into another drawer.

Some of the drawers were sort of empty when he finally shoved them back closed, but at least the room looked neat and didn’t give too much away if he ever had to let people into his apartment. He looked at the time, and it was now fifteen minutes past the promised time to call.

With a smirk, he dug his phone out once more and dialed for Kyungsoo. He picked up after only two rings, though he sounded breathless.

“Hello?”

“Are you still busy or are you going to stand me up again?”

Kyungsoo was silent for a brief moment. “It was just a call, Jongin. And I _was_ , in fact, doing something—”

“Doing what? I’m giving you attention and you don’t want it now?” Jongin asked pettily, laying down on the daybed and staring up at the magenta ceiling. Kyungsoo tsked at him. 

“I’m sorry then. Is there something important or can I go back to my life?” he asked. Kyungsoo didn’t sound particularly sorry, but Jongin supposed that would suffice for now. Seeing Kyungsoo flustered would probably make up for his lack of empathy towards Jongin, he supposed.

“Well, if you’re not too busy then I wanna send you a couple videos. Maybe pictures too. You like pictures and videos and things like that, don’t you?” Jongin asked. He hadn’t yet told Kyungsoo about the things he’d bought, hadn’t even hinted at it because he wanted it to be a surprise.

“Er, I suppose. Why can’t this wait till we meet up or something?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding genuinely confused.

“Because I think you would find them very interesting. Text you in a minute, ‘kay?” Jongin said, mood considerably uplifted. Though he was puzzled, Kyungsoo just said alright and hung up. With a big smile, Jongin got up from the daybed and went to the ‘ass’ drawer, where all the toys would (hopefully) go up or be used on Kyungsoo’s ass were kept. He snapped a photo of the dildos, butt plugs and et cetera and sent it to Kyungsoo at once.

Then he picked up a vibrator that came with complimentary batteries since he spent over 200 dollars at the sex store from the ‘variety’ drawer and turned it on, recording the way it buzzed in hands for a few seconds and then sent the video to Kyungsoo as well.

Kyungsoo’s reply came a few minutes later: _‘I can’t believe this what you think I will find interesting.’_

Jongin tutted at his text, typing out a lengthy reply of admonishment. _‘Don’t be shy, I know you like what you see. I bet you’ll like it even more when I see you in the future and put all of these things to use ;) Mind you, I don’t know how to use all of them but I’m sure the pleasure will be mutual.’_

Kyungsoo’s reply was almost cute. _‘Why would you waste money on buying those things? I have some of them at home.’_ Either Kyungsoo was being deliberately modest or he had no idea Jongin’s father was in the top ten in the list of Forbes’ Richest Businessmen in South Korea.

‘ _Because I can?? And your own set can just be your spare stash whenever you miss me_ J’

Jongin could practically see Kyungsoo rolling his eyes at him when he sent that, though he was laughing. He dug into his drawers again and found a cock ring. He held it out on his palm and snapped a photo of it, sending it to Kyungsoo with a caption: _‘Definitely putting this on you.’_

He hoped Kyungsoo was giggly and flustered at that. He sent another video of a special sort of vibrator; its head was made of soft rubber and could move around in small circles. It could even light up at the press of a button, and Jongin recorded it for a few seconds, its full functions on display.

 _‘The lights are distracting,’_ Kyungsoo replied Jongin.

 _‘We’ll see how distracting it is when I put it in, hm? By the way, is your ass really all healed now or is it still bruised?’_ Jongin couldn’t wait to put up the swing. Or maybe they could do that another time, though it was tempting to just put it up now and imagine Kyungsoo strapped into it.

Jongin left the room while waiting for Kyungsoo, packing everything back into their respective drawers and pushing his luggage bags into his bedroom. The cleaning lady would arrange and hang his clothes up later when she came in, so he just left his bags by the closet door. Everything in his room was just as he left it; his laptop was on the table by his bookshelf, the sheets on his bed were neatly made… It was as if he’d never left.

He was going to change into something more comfortable than tight jeans when his phone finally pinged to life. Jongin grabbed it, heading to the closet to find something comfy to wear.

_‘It’s all healed now, of course. I think it cleared up two days ago.’_

Ooh yes, just as Jongin hoped and prayed for. If his ass was all healed up and the bruises were gone that meant they could meet up soon, very soon indeed, and Jongin wouldn’t have to hold back in case he accidentally made the bruises on Kyungsoo’s ass any worse. _I think I’m up for another spanking session,_ he thought, mulling the idea over in his head. _Yeah, why not?_ Kyungsoo came so fast when he spanked him that one time, so it obviously meant that he enjoyed it.

He typed quickly into his phone: _‘Whrn can we meety?’_

The spelling errors were weird but he was sure Kyungsoo could read just fine. He changed out of his clothes, throwing them on his bed to put on a simple, gray baggy shirt and training pants. Jongin thought that maybe he could go to the gym soon, he wanted to be physically prepared if they were going to get up to something kinky in the near future.

Jongin changed quickly, heading to the kitchen to pour himself some apple juice and drank a glass of it in the kitchen, rushing back into the bedroom when he heard his phone ping once more. He took the carton of juice and his glass back into the room, jumping onto his bed and unlocking his phone to read Kyungsoo’s message.

_‘Is this weekend okay? I can’t take any days off work this month.’_

Even if the world was scheduled to end this weekend, Jongin was determined to meet up with him. However, the second part of his text made him a tiny bit curious. Why couldn’t Kyungsoo take any days off? Did he already take three days off this month? That was the maximum number of days one could take off from work at Accuretta, unless there was a family or health emergency.

 _‘Sure. Why can’t you take a day off? What if I want to have you during the week?’_ Jongin asked. He picked up the remote from the dresser beside him and turned the air conditioning on. The summer heat was at its highest today, but it wasn’t as bad as Guangzhou. Just the thought of it made Jongin feel all sticky and sweaty.

 _‘Don’t be silly,_ ’ Kyungsoo replied. “What’s so silly about wanting to see you on a weekday?” Jongin asked himself, frowning. What if he was horny and needed to see Kyungsoo’s ass right away?

 _‘I’m not being silly, I’m being honest. Did something happen while I was gone?’_ Jongin replied him. They’d texted each other while in China, but Kyungsoo never said anything. Jongin had thought that his life was going on as usual.

Kyungsoo’s reply came while he chugged down gulps of apple juice. _‘Depends on how you see something. Money’s tight is all.’_

“Ah,” Jongin said knowingly, though it didn’t explain much. Was earning money _that_ hard? Jongin was starting to think that maybe taking over Accuretta didn’t sound like a very good idea if it meant worrying constantly about money.

 _‘Everything alright?’_ He was perhaps mildly concerned, though he was sure it wasn’t a big deal.

‘ _Yes. Landlord decided to raise the monthly rent fees on us when he stopped by the other day and saw Luhan puking on the lawn. He was hungover but I guess I can see why he doesn’t like us now.’_

Well that was just plain sad. Jongin’s father had paid for Jongin’s apartment in a lump sum when he picked it out but he’d heard of annoying landlords from Sehun. He was living in a rented condo, and his landlord apparently didn’t like it if he brought girls back to the apartment, though Sehun didn’t really give a shit.

 _‘I’m sorry then. Hope everything works out for you,’_ Jongin typed out. It sounded stiff and clichéd, but it was the best he could manage. It wasn’t like he knew what to say in this sort of situation, and it wasn’t something he could help with _. I could give him a raise but he’d probably take it as me paying him off to have sex,_ Jongin thought.

His fingers hovered over his phone’s keyboard as he wondered if it was unseemly to offer Kyungsoo a raise in his salary or just a small check to help him with his rent. It was rather early in their unusual relationship to be paying his bills already but money truly wasn’t an issue with Jongin. Still, he could guess what Kyungsoo’s reaction might be and how he might perceive the offer as something else other than Jongin lending a hand.

 _Maybe if it gets worse or something goes wrong_ , he thought. Not now. He sent his message without adding anything else to it and started typing out a new message when he realized he forgot to ask something important.

_‘Do you want to meet up at my place or yours?’_

Jongin sincerely hoped Kyungsoo could come over. Jongin’s apartment had thick walls at least, and there was only one other person living on the same floor as Jongin. He wasn’t even in for the most part of every year, so Kyungsoo could scream or they could bang as hard as they wanted without worrying about making too much noise. If Jongin had to go to Kyungsoo’s place though, then they’d have to be extra quiet. Jongin wasn’t sure if he _could_ keep it all quiet, what with the sex toys and all.

It took Kyungsoo almost ten minutes to reply, and by then Jongin had already drank every last drop of the apple juice from the carton. He was staring at a patch of sunlight on the ground, feeling slightly lethargic when his phone buzzed on the bed beside him. 

_‘Let me see if I can get Luhan out.’_

Jongin frowned. What was wrong with his apartment? Hell, if Kyungsoo came then Jongin could hang him up on the swing but if everything had to go down at Kyungsoo’s place, there’d be no chance of that.

_‘What’s wrong with my place?’_

He honestly couldn’t see what could be wrong with his apartment. Maybe he should’ve sent Kyungsoo a picture of the swing, then maybe he wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss Jongin’s place.

His phone buzzed with a reply less than two minutes later. _‘Nothing’s wrong. I’ll let you know if I can get Luhan out by Thursday or Friday.’_

If only Jongin could somehow get his hands on Luhan’s number and tell him to stay at home so that Kyungsoo would be forced to come to Jongin’s apartment. He could ask Suho or Sehun to get Luhan’s number, but then they’d ask why. He frowned, reading the text over and over again till the words started to swim.

Jongin’s thoughts swirled in his head, conspiracies on how to get Luhan to stay at home and to get Kyungsoo all nice and docile in his apartment. There were quite a number of ways…

-

When Jongin woke up abruptly on his bed, there was a loud ringing in his ears and his apartment was cloaked in darkness. He blinked blearily through the dark and scratched his head, feeling a little disoriented before he suddenly realized that his phone was ringing, and it was what woke him up in the first place. Jongin didn’t even realize he was asleep; he had been dreaming about something pleasant just a few seconds ago.

He grasped at the spot of bright light towards the far end of his bed and answered the call quickly, sitting up against his pillows.

“Hello?” His voice sounded thick and husky with sleep.

“J-Jongin? I um. It’s me. Kyungsoo, that is,” he stuttered over the phone. Jongin rubbed at his eyes, sighing as he stretched his legs.

“Mm. Why are you calling, is something wrong?” Jongin yawned, flopping sideways onto a pillow.

“Erm, no, nothing’s wrong. I— Are you busy?”

“No,” Jongin mumbled.

Well, you didn’t reply my text from this afternoon a-and since I, you know, I don’t, like—I just thought that maybe you were um… angry. With me. ‘Cause if you are then. Um, okay.”

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows. Didn’t he reply Kyungsoo this afternoon? And what were they talking about? Something about his place and getting Luhan out for the weekend…

“Oh. Right. That. Yeah, I wasn’t angry. I fell asleep, actually. I didn’t think jet lag applied to a well travelled person like me,” Jongin said, laughing weakly. Kyungsoo’s sigh of relief was audible on the other line, and there was a soft shuffle, like Kyungsoo had thudded against something else.

“I thought jet lag applies to everybody?” Kyungsoo asked curiously.

“But Chanyeol said that you only get jet lag if you don’t travel a lot,” Jongin mumbled, not really aware of what he was saying. Kyungsoo chuckled, and Jongin could picture his shy, gentle smile across his pretty mouth.

“I think your good friend, Chanyeol, is just showing off. You’re human anyway, right?” Kyungsoo said, and Jongin could hear the smile in his voice. He smiled too, though he wasn’t sure why he was smiling when Kyungsoo couldn’t even see him.

“Yes, I suppose I am,” he replied softly. They didn’t say anything for a long while, maybe four or five seconds of companionable silence passed.

“So…” Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Are you… mad at me? Or upset? I thought you were, from your text. There’s nothing wrong with your apartment, I just. I wouldn’t dare to even dream about entering the Gangnam area, and it’s only been a few times since we’ve actually spoken to each other…”

“Doesn’t feel like a few times,” Jongin said, biting his lower lip as his mouth curved into a wide smile. It felt like a lot of time had passed, and Jongin knew quite a bit about Kyungsoo, although there was still so much more of him to uncover.

“Yeah, I guess. Me too,” Kyungsoo said, lowering his voice by an octave.

“You shouldn’t be so modest though. My apartment is well stocked with _things_ now and I don’t have a roommate to kick out. All you have to do is bring yourself and maybe a spare change of clothes. And your toothbrush, of course, if you plan on sleeping over,” Jongin said. His stomach growled; he had to hunt for dinner soon. Jongin clearly slept through lunch, and his mouth felt dry from sleeping.

“I d-don’t… I won’t sleep over. I mean, I don’t want to intrude like that,” Kyungsoo said, sounding nervous.

“You wouldn’t be intruding if you slept over, I promise,” Jongin replied, smiling. He got up and went to the bathroom to splash some water on his face, putting his phone on speaker and placing it by the sink. 

“I wasn’t raised to sleep in someone else’s home, no offense. I came to Seoul to be independent, after all.”

“Well, none taken. And it’s just one night, Kyungsoo, it’s not like I’m asking you to move in,” Jongin replied, splashing cold water on his face. He rubbed at his face while listening to Kyungsoo’s reply.

“I dunno, I just don’t feel comfortable about going over to your place. I’d feel much better if we did it at my place, right here,” Kyungsoo replied, sounding distracted. Jongin was wiping his face with a towel and said, “What do you mean by ‘it’ though—”

“Hey Kyungsoo, you coming out to check on your pasta or what, ‘cause it’s boiling—” There was a loud thump, an indignant _hey_ followed by _ooh is that Jongin on the phone let me say hi_ and a loud slam. Jongin was fairly sure it sounded like Luhan.

“Just stir it and I’ll be out in a minute,” Kyungsoo called, sounding far away from the phone before he said, “Hello?” breathlessly a second later.

“Is this a bad time?” Jongin asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“No, no, no, no, it’s not a bad time! I was cooking and I just thought I’d call you and then Luhan realized I wasn’t taking a shower…” Kyungsoo trailed off.

Jongin smiled. “What kind of pasta dish are you making? I haven’t had dinner yet,” Jongin said, putting the phone to his ear once more. He went out of the bathroom to turn on the lights in his bedroom; his luggage had already been cleared away and the clothes he’d thrown over the bed had disappeared. _I must’ve been out cold_ , Jongin thought. 

“Just kimchi spaghetti, nothing special… Say, um. If you’re not mad at me then that means we’re cool, right, you’re not like. Angry with me?” Kyungsoo said.

“Never knew you could cook, and kimchi spaghetti sounds good. And we’re cool, I suppose, but I still think you should come over to my apartment,” Jongin replied allowing a note of longing to creep into his voice, leaning against a wall.

Kyungsoo coughed on the other line before replying, “Um. O-okay. In that case, I’ll be off to er, cook dinner now… Bye then, Jongin.”

Jongin smiled at the nervous note in Kyungsoo’s voice. “Bye, hyung,” Jongin said softly. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything else, so Jongin waited for Kyungsoo to click off first. Either Kyungsoo thought he already hung up or he had thrown his phone away because Jongin was still on the line when he heard Luhan’s voice say very softly, “So are you going to fuck him soon?”

*

Jongin paced the room, running his fingers over the swing distractedly. The carpet was clean, the daybed was perfectly angled and the deer’s head light fixture was nice and bright. The swing was installed just the way the manual said it was supposed to, and when Jongin tested it out by sitting on it, the hooks in the ceiling held his weight nicely.

Everything had to be perfect, there could be nothing wrong at all if he was going to get Kyungsoo to feel comfortable in his apartment. There were still ten more minutes before Kyungsoo was supposed to arrive, but Jongin couldn’t help feeling jittery and nervous.

Over the course of two days, a few things had happened. Jongin had signed the last of the contracts with Yifan and they were all sent to the government for approval. Suho had promised that he knew someone in the government who could put their file at the top of the pile, so it shouldn’t be too long before everything would be approved and they could start building those factories.

In terms of the Kyungsoo situation, he had surprisingly failed to get Luhan out of the house on Saturday (to Jongin’s delight). Apparently, he’d just broken up with his girlfriend so he was moping around the house, eating pasta and chocolate all day long. Jongin sensed, however, that maybe Luhan guessed that Jongin’s apartment would be much more accommodating than their place and purposely refused to budge from their shared home.

So, that meant Jongin rushing to Skype with Chanyeol to pick out an outfit casual and simple enough to look effortless and yet appealing enough to keep Kyungsoo interested (a black tank top and loose fitting pants for convenience) and staying up all night to research on all his toys. Just yesterday, he spent almost an entire afternoon dedicated to the gym, working out to increase his stamina and well, his physical appearance. All he had to do now was to wait and hope that Kyungsoo wasn’t lying when he texted him: _‘I’m on the way now.’_

He wondered what he was supposed to say. Should he offer a drink, coffee maybe, but wait, Kyungsoo didn’t like coffee. He had tea somewhere in the kitchen, but was he supposed to search for it now? Jongin left the room and walked over to the small kitchen area, opening up all the cabinets. There wasn’t much, just ramyeon noodles, a carton of beer he didn’t know he had, and some snacks for when he was craving junk food. After a bit of searching though, he found a small box of tea from China, hidden in the back behind his snack stash.

  _This will have to do_ , Jongin thought. He placed the tea on the counter and looked around his apartment, wondering what else could he do make it seem homey and welcome, thus more convincing for Kyungsoo to stay the entire weekend and not for just today. In all honesty, the research on what his toys were for was very exciting and he wanted to use them on Kyungsoo as soon as possible. One whole day just wasn’t enough for his chest of drawers full of sex toys.

He was considering turning on the TV and pretending to play one of his video games so that it wouldn’t look like he was waiting for Kyungsoo, but the front door suddenly buzzed, making Jongin jump out of his skin.

He rushed out of the kitchen before catching himself, taking a deliberate deep breath for extra calming effect and took the last four wide strides to the front door, pressing a button. The screen came on and Kyungsoo’s curious face filled the screen, glancing at his surroundings nervously.

“Um, Mr. Kim?”

“It’s Jongin here, Mr. Kim’s not in,” Jongin replied irritably. Kyungsoo looked surprised when he heard that but realized it was a joke and laughed weakly. “A-ah. Right. I thought I got the wrong place but I guess it’s really you then.” He placed a hand over his neck absently, smiling awkwardly. Jongin smiled.

“Come on up. Take a right turn when you get off the elevator,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo listened and nodded obediently. “Okay.”

Kyungsoo pressed a button, and the screen blacked out.

Jongin blinked at it for a few seconds, his heart thudding out of his chest. _We’re really going to do this then_ , Jongin thought.

It felt all too real for a moment. Kyungsoo was here, in Jongin’s area of Seoul and was coming up to his apartment any minute now, literally to have sex and leave. It was like a one night stand, except it wasn’t night at all and they were going to do more than fuck. Probably the most intimate thing Jongin was doing voluntarily in his entire life.

 He stood at the door, waiting and counting the seconds till Kyungsoo would knock on the slab of wood. He’d step into the elevator where there were mirrors on all four sides and he’d probably mess with his hair and try to think of something to say, just like what Jongin was doing now.

He’d press the button for the fourteenth floor and stand rigid in the elevator, feeling the motion of the metal box carrying him all the way up to where Jongin was waiting behind his front door, his breathing uneven and his heart in his mouth. He caught sight of the shadow of a pair of feet stopping at his door.

Kyungsoo’s knocks were timid as he rapped on Jongin’s front door. Jongin waited for him to knock thrice before he threw the door open abruptly, meeting Kyungsoo’s surprised gaze.

His hand was in mid air, but he lowered it slowly, letting his arm drop to his side. Kyungsoo looked scared. “I—” his voice came out in a hoarse croak. “I didn’t think you’d answer so fast.”

“Been expectin’ you,” Jongin drawled, leaning against the door to observe him. Kyungsoo wore plain looking clothes and had a messenger bag over his shoulder, his small but somewhat masculine hands gripping the strap tightly in a reflex move.

“Can I… come in?” he asked. Jongin smiled gently, holding out a hand. Kyungsoo looked at it like it was a tentacle and then back up at Jongin’s smiling eyes.

“Come on,” Jongin motioned, taking a step back. Kyungsoo ran his tongue over his bottom lip, reaching out a trembling hand to place it in his. Jongin felt his smooth, warm hand brush against the skin of his much more calloused hand and pulled him into his apartment gently.

Kyungsoo could see the wide expanse of Jongin’s living space and his mouth dropped open slightly at the sight of the large apartment.

“Like it?” Jongin asked. His answer came a few seconds too late when Kyungsoo looked back at him. “Hmm?”

The blatant awe on his face was answer enough. “Never mind,” Jongin smiled.

“Where do I um, put my shoes?” Kyungsoo asked, glancing down at Jongin’s bare feet.

“Just there,” Jongin said, pointing at a space behind the door. Kyungsoo kicked his scuffled sneakers off, and was about to bend down to pick his shoes up when he realized Jongin was still holding his hand.

“Ah, sorry,” Jongin quickly apologized, releasing his hand. Kyungsoo laughed nervously, murmuring an apology as well and bent over to put his shoes aside, straightening himself when it was done.

They stared at each other for a moment, half a meter apart. Kyungsoo’s socked feet looked soft and kind of cute under the cuff of his jeans, Jongin noticed. Kyungsoo caught him staring and he got even more nervous.

“Um, my feet don’t smell, but I can wash them in the bathroom or something if you want—”

“No, that’s not what I’m—Nah, just. You can take them off if you want, I don’t care,” Jongin said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. God, this was a lot more awkward than he thought it’d be. He felt like melting into the ground right now, the atmosphere just felt so… _tense_. Were they going to take this tenacious air with them all the way into Jongin’s spare room?

“O-oh,” Kyungsoo stuttered, and then jerkily bent over to peel them off his feet. He pushed them into his shoes and held his hands out in front of him, looking around. “Where do I wash my hands?” he asked curiously.

“Uh, here, let me show you around,” Jongin said, snapping back into consciousness and led Kyungsoo into the kitchen where he motioned towards the sink. He washed his hands meticulously, rolling his sleeves up and using the hand wash.

Jongin stared for a while, and he was sure Kyungsoo knew he was staring as well till good manners suddenly kicked in and he said, “Hey um, hyung, you want something to drink? Coffee, tea, juice, water? Oh right, you don’t take… coffee. Shit,” Jongin muttered, hands balling into fists on the counter.

Kyungsoo turned around with a tentative smile. “Tea sounds nice… What tea do you have?” he asked softly. Jongin pointed at the box of teabags beside him. “This is all I have. I should probably have more, but… I don’t,” Jongin said, finishing lamely.

Kyungsoo glanced at the box curiously, turning off the tap and wiping his hands on a tablecloth. He stepped closer in Jongin’s direction to read the box’s label, mouthing the words to himself.

“It’s Pu Er tea,” he said after a while. Jongin lifted an eyebrow. “You don’t… like Pu Er tea?” ‘Cause that’d be a bloody great start to an afternoon that was supposed to be spent fucking Kyungsoo over.

“N-No, I’m fine with it. Where do I get hot water?” Kyungsoo asked, putting the box down carefully and taking his messenger bag off. He had that look of determination on his face like Jongin’s cleaning lady when he asked her to prepare a cup of coffee. Jongin held out a hand to stop Kyungsoo.

“I’ll make you your tea, just sit down, will you?” he said. Kyungsoo looked up at him with forlorn expression.

“But I can make my tea—”

“But it’s my house, hyung, so. If you don’t want to sit down you can look around. No one’s home, obviously, except me and I won’t stop you if you want to explore a bit. How do you take your tea?” Jongin asked, opening up the box and pulling a teabag out. He brought out a mug from the cabinet by his leg while Kyungsoo stared at him wordlessly.

“I’m serious, hyung. It’s just tea,” Jongin said, dropping the teabag into the mug and moving past him to press for hot water from the coffee machine. “Well yeah, it was tea I could’ve made on my own,” Kyungsoo mumbled, arms wrapped around his bag pitifully.

“Don’t fight me on this,” Jongin singsonged lightly, feeling himself relax and tension bled out of his shoulders. “Now how do you take your damned tea or do I let it soak in its bitter misery?” Jongin asked, turning around.

“Let the bag sit for a minute or so. I don’t take sugar,” Kyungsoo replied reluctantly. Jongin smiled, placing the mug of tea down on the counter.

“See? Wasn’t so hard, was it?” he asked, leaning over the counter to meet Kyungsoo’s disgruntled gaze with his own playful eyes.

“It’s weird to have someone make me tea. You, especially,” Kyungsoo mumbled, pulling the mug to himself. Jongin chuckled, pulling out a stool from under the counter to sit. Kyungsoo followed his example and pulled out a stool as well, placing his bag on his lap.

“What? Kim Jongin of Accuretta Systems can’t make an exemplary employee who isn’t going to miss a day of work this month a cup of tea?”

“People like Kim Jongin don’t make cups of tea for just anyone,” Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Jongin, taking the string dangling from the teabag and dipping it in and out a few times. “Do you have a saucer?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin furrowed his eyebrows. “No. Or maybe I do have one. I dunno, why?”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, dropping the teabag back into the mug and getting off the high stool to open up Jongin’s cabinets and drawers one by one.

“Why do you need a saucer, hyung?” Jongin asked.

“To put the teabag aside for later. It’d be a waste to throw it away now,” Kyungsoo said.

“You could just put it on the table,” Jongin reasoned. Kyungsoo shook his head. “Stains,” he said, by way of explanation.

Jongin reached over and pulled his teabag out of the mug, plopping it down on the counter. Kyungsoo heard the soft, wet squelching sound the teabag made when it hit the surface of the counter, and his head whipped around, eyes wide.

“Problem solved,” Jongin smiled sweetly. Kyungsoo pursed his lips. Then he continued to look for a saucer anyway like a stubborn mule, and it made Jongin laugh.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Jongin, honestly. Now you’ll have to clean it up.”

“The cleaning lady will come by tomorrow or something and she’ll know what to do,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo went, “Aha,” when he opened up a cabinet under the electric stove and found a saucer, grabbing the tablecloth by the sink and moving back towards where the teabag was. He placed the teabag on the saucer firmly, giving Jongin a pointed look before he wiped the stain away with the tablecloth.

“Just drink the tea, Kyungsoo,” Jongin sighed, smiling at him.

Kyungsoo wiped at the table till there was nothing left before he sat down on the stool once more, holding his bag on his lap while he finally sipped at the tea.

“Can I ask you something?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo looked at him over the mug and nodded.

“What’s in the bag?”

Kyungsoo’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed the tea down his throat. Jongin watched it move beneath the fragile skin of his neck. He wondered if Kyungsoo would deep throat his cock like that or swallow his come down like it was Pu Er Tea.

“A spare set of clothes.”

Jongin lifted an eyebrow, shifting his gaze back to Kyungsoo’s eyes. “It was Luhan’s idea. He…” Kyungsoo mumbled something, but Jongin couldn’t hear properly when he held the mug to his mouth.

“What?” he frowned. Was Kyungsoo going to stay over after all?

“Luhan. He suggested that I bring a spare change of clothes in case I—I change my mind about staying. He says there’s nothing to do at home anyway,” Kyungsoo said, dropping his gaze to the mug before him.

“Well, I’m sure he needs to take time for himself to heal and everything,” Jongin replied. “He also said that it was just in case you…” Kyungsoo trailed off. “Never mind.”

“Never mind? Tell me,” Jongin insisted, inching closer towards Kyungsoo.

“It was just a stupid joke,” Kyungsoo muttered, sipping at his tea again.

“Oh come on, now I wanna laugh too,” Jongin whined, reaching a hand under the counter to squeeze Kyungsoo’s thigh. He jerked involuntarily at Jongin’s touch but Jongin did not relent, keeping his eyes trained on Kyungsoo. 

“U-um,” Kyungsoo stuttered, putting the mug down and peeling Jongin’s fingers off his thigh. Jongin took his hand away but didn’t take offense; Kyungsoo was just probably too nervous here in Jongin’s apartment _. I can take it slow_ , Jongin thought. They had all day to dance around till Kyungsoo felt comfortable enough with him.

“Luhan j-j-just said um. He said that I should bring clothes in case you—Well. I don’t think it’ll happen but, just in case you… rip my clothes off.”

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo stared right back, trying to see if it was the wrong thing to say. “Jongin?”

Then he snorted, turning away to laugh. Kyungsoo exhaled, closing his eyes for a moment before he swatted at Jongin’s arm. “Stop—Don’t do that to me. God, I thought you were mad at me,” Kyungsoo complained, picking up his mug of tea and gulping down on some of it.

“That was a good joke, Kyungsoo, could you pass that along to Luhan? And would you have liked it if I did rip your clothes like some beast?” Jongin asked teasingly, waggling his eyebrows. Kyungsoo glared at him, a blush coloring his cheeks.

“No, ‘cause clothes are expensive these days so I’d prefer it if you didn’t do that,” Kyungsoo snapped. Jongin just laughed, ruffling his own hair and stretching his arms out on the table. “So is that all there is in your bag? You didn’t bring anything fun with you?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Well, I brought lubricant, in case you… didn’t have any or you ran out of it. Or something,” he mumbled.

“Trust me, I’ve got everything prepared,” Jongin said reassuringly. It didn’t seem to reassure Kyungsoo though, because his back stiffened and he continued to sip at his tea like some kind of stuffy old guy.

Jongin just sat there in silence, blinking at Kyungsoo while waiting for him to say something else. “I also brought the photos from the, er… photo session. I had them printed and I brought them ‘cause I thought you might want to have a look,” Kyungsoo said after a minute or two of awkward silence.

“Oh?” Jongin tilted his head to one side.

Kyungsoo unzipped his bag and dug around, pulling out a thin stack of photos. Maybe it was the cautious way he held it face down, away from Jongin or the way he seemed to avoid Jongin’s gaze, but he just knew that there was more than just photos in his hand.

Jongin reached forward and snatched it away fast, surprising both himself and Kyungsoo. He cried out indignantly and immediately stood up to retrieve it but Jongin was already jogging towards the TV, trying to look at all the photos and see if there was anything particularly unusual.

There were lots of photos of him in black and white at first, and he flung them all to the ground as he went around the sofa to avoid Kyungsoo. He was shouting at Jongin to give back the photos but he paid no heed, looking through the photos rapidly.

It was just Jongin, Jongin, Jongin, in the apartment, by the window, against the wall, in the sunlight and suddenly, there was one photo that was different from the rest and he knew this was what Kyungsoo was trying to hide from him.

“You followed me to the _gym_?” Jongin asked incredulously. It was an image taken from afar, judging from the grainy texture of the photo. _It was Kyungsoo when that light flashed_ , Jongin realized. He threw it down to his feet and there was another photo, not from the gym but from the airport.

He squinted at it first, trying to guess when it was taken. Was it when he first went to London? But no, Sehun had said that Kyungsoo’s group was sent ahead so it couldn’t have been him.

“Isn’t this from like, three days ago?” Jongin asked, holding the photo up.

Kyungsoo stiffened.  

“…Yeah.”

“You knew what time I was going to land? Damn, hyung, this is some insider shit—”

“No, I didn’t hack into the system or anything, okay, I just! It might’ve slipped from Baekhyun and I might have…” Kyungsoo shrugged weakly, “taken advantage of some information. But that’s all, I’ve never done anything wrong, Jongin, I swear—”

“You scared me back at the gym, I hope you know that,” Jongin said, picking up the photo once more. Kyungsoo put his head in his hands. “I—I wasn’t… I didn’t know that we’d be doing—I mean, it didn’t cross my mind that I was doing anything that you didn’t already know about, okay—”

Jongin glanced at his small figure. Was Kyungsoo crying? Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jongin thought in exasperation, though he was sort of smiling. He moved away from the sofa, crossing the distance between them and hugged Kyungsoo.

“Alright, alright, I didn’t mean to touch your precious photos. I honestly thought you had like, nude pictures of yourself or something. You could’ve just told me you wanted more photos or asked me for another photo session,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo wasn’t crying, but his eyes looked just a tiny bit teary and red around the edges. “The—I don’t know what to say to you, Jongin, it just happened and I wasn’t—Christ, I can’t even,” Kyungsoo sighed, putting his head on Jongin’s chest.

“Do you like the fact that I don’t know it’s you when you’re taking pictures of me? Is that it?” Jongin asked. It’d be weird if that was the case, but it still wouldn’t change Jongin’s opinion.

“No, I’m not a freak. I’m—not that much of freak,” he corrected himself, looking up at Jongin.

“So then what is it? I mean, you’re here now with me and you could just take photos of me right now, Kyungsoo, I wouldn’t care,” Jongin said, framing his face in his hands. His skin was soft, so soft like butter. It felt like _years_ since he last touched Kyungsoo.

“I don’t like it when you know I’m taking photos of you because I always end up trying to explain myself to you at some point. It’s just—it’s a whole lot easier when you didn’t know I was around and I could just take photos of you on my own terms and not have to think about what you might think. And that sounds wrong, I know, I _know_ it’s wrong but there isn’t any other way I can take photos of you,” Kyungsoo said, on the edge of tears.

Jongin hushed him, hugging him close to calm him down. _Honestly_ , Jongin thought, _such a_ _delicate little thing._ Kyungsoo was most definitely gay; if he’d done this to Sehun, he’d be on his back right now, most likely with a busted lip and a twisted arm.

He patted Kyungsoo gently over the shoulder, till his breathing slowed and he was quiet in Jongin’s arms.

“You okay now?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo pressed his face into his sternum. “I don’t know. Depends on how you define ‘okay’. I’m a little embarrassed though,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin chuckled, using a hand to bring Kyungsoo’s face up. There was a rosy tint to his cheeks and his eyes were slightly dilated. Jongin could understand why he’d be embarrassed, but honestly, this was nothing compared to what Jongin and Kyungsoo wanted from each other.

“Tell you what, hyung?” Kyungsoo hummed in reply. “You don’t have to take any more pictures of me, okay? I’m right here with you, in full HD, 3-D, 5-D, in every dimension right now, you are _here_. In my apartment, right here standing in front of me, so you don’t need a camera to be a mediator between us anymore.

“It’s just us now. You don’t have to hide anything from me, just as I don’t have anything to hide from you either,” Jongin said, brushing away the hair from Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“You’re just… unbreakable to me, Jongin, so untouchable for so long that I can’t help but hide. It’s hard, you know, to be this close to you. It feels like I can’t breathe,” Kyungsoo half-whispered. Jongin placed his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, a smile on his lips.

“I’m glad you feel the same then. I… I’ve missed you, I’ll be honest. You have no idea how much I wanted to touch you the past few days,” Jongin said, breath blowing over Kyungsoo’s face lightly. Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

“I thought about you in my sleep too. But I didn’t touch myself, just like you told me to,” Kyungsoo said, squeezing his eyes shut.

Kyungsoo could feel Jongin’s sharp intake of breath against his body. Jongin lowered his mouth to nip at Kyungsoo’s jaw, blunt teeth scraping on his skin. 

“What was I doing in your dream?” Jongin asked softly. He felt so pent up at that moment, as if there was something he’d been waiting for all this time. Maybe he was; he _needed_ Kyungsoo to say okay, that it was alright to take this up another notch otherwise they’d never go anywhere beyond this.

“You were… flogging me. I could feel the pain, the bite of the leather on my stomach, my chest and my legs, it was everywhere and so were you. I wanted to come so badly but you wouldn’t let me, you told me to be a good boy and I was, to the very end,” Kyungsoo replied, his trembling hands resting on Jongin’s waist.

“Would you like me to flog you today?” Jongin asked in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. He pressed Kyungsoo close, made him feel his erection through his loose pants. God, Chanyeol was right, it didn’t feel as tight when he was wearing jeans. Still, it suddenly felt like there were too many layers between them. Jongin couldn’t wait to undress Kyungsoo and touch his beautiful skin everywhere, light him up like a firework and watch all the sparks fly.

“I’d let you do anything to me,” Kyungsoo murmured, honesty radiating from his words. Jongin’s hand traveled up to his hair and he tugged lightly, revealing his bare throat to his gaze.

“Tell me what you want, Kyungsoo, or I won’t touch you at all,” Jongin said huskily, lips hovering over Kyungsoo’s pulse.

“Hit me, please, Jongin, hit me hard and make me scream for you, _please_ ,” Kyungsoo moaned. Jongin smiled, sucking at a spot on Kyungsoo’s throat. He writhed in Jongin’s arms, one of his thighs squeezing between Jongin’s legs in an attempt to get some friction.

“Hit you, hm?” Jongin repeated, kissing Kyungsoo gently.

“Yes, yes, please,” Kyungsoo gasped, hands grasping his shoulders tightly.

“Where? How hard?”

“Anywhere. As hard as you want it to be,” Kyungsoo replied.  

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jongin asked, kissing his supple lips. He nodded briskly, running a hand over Jongin’s chest.

“Please,” he whispered softly. Jongin kissed him hard, taking his hand and pulling him towards the spare room around the corner. “No backing out from here,” he warned.  

Kyungsoo reached a hand up to his face, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I trust you,” he whispered. That was all Jongin needed. Kicking the door open, Jongin tugged Kyungsoo into the room, their feet digging into the soft carpet soundlessly. Kyungsoo’s mouth dropped open at the sight of the magenta walls, the daybed, the swing.

Jongin could tell Kyungsoo liked the room from the unabashed wonder in his eyes. _Thank God for the invention of sex toys then_ , Jongin thought. He brought Kyungsoo to the daybed and sat him down, watching him like a hawk.

“Strip,” he ordered softly. Kyungsoo complied at once, and quickly shed his clothes as fast as his shaky hands could manage. Jongin went over to the chest of drawers, trying to decide if he should flog Kyungsoo or move forward with the swing first and then flog him. He looked over his shoulder at Kyungsoo, who had shucked all of his clothes and was sitting on the daybed, staring at Jongin intently.

“What do you want, Kyungsoo?” Jongin deliberately forewent honorifics. Kyungsoo met his gaze; he did not seem to mind that Jongin wasn’t calling him hyung, silently understanding that in here, with Jongin like this, their age difference didn’t matter and neither did their occupations. Kyungsoo was placing his pride and trust in Jongin, and Jongin would do his best to make both of them happy.

“… I would like you to flog me, please. You could blindfold me, perhaps,” Kyungsoo said, lilting it into a suggestion.

Jongin had already set aside a tie for this particular purpose, and he was pleased that he was fully prepared. Blindfold Kyungsoo, now _that_ he could do.

“Come here then,” Jongin motioned with his finger. Kyungsoo scampered forward eagerly, hands over his cock. Jongin picked up his tie from one of the drawers and held it out to Kyungsoo. He nodded, and Jongin placed it over his eyes, tying a knot behind his head securely.

He surreptitiously slipped a finger between the tie and Kyungsoo’s head to make sure it wasn’t too tight and made him take a step back. “Hands behind your back,” Jongin said, not quite a fan of Kyungsoo’s modesty here in this room.

Kyungsoo hesitated for a second, before he did as he was told. Jongin blatantly stared at his cock, admiring the length and girth of it. His cock wasn’t small, that was for sure, despite Kyungsoo’s small stature and his cockhead was already a glistening red, curving slightly upwards.

Jongin looked for his flogger in the ‘spanking’ drawer, brushing his hand over the fronds to feel the material out. He could probably strike Kyungsoo pretty hard with this, it wasn’t too soft but it wouldn’t make Kyungsoo bleed either, so that was good.

He took Kyungsoo’s hand, taking a few steps away from the chest of drawers so that there was enough space to move. Jongin pushed his shoulder hard downwards, and Kyungsoo went down on his knees, face inches away from Jongin’s hard cock. He wanted so badly to make Kyungsoo suck him off, but he had to wait this one out, keep each experience separate to make sure Kyungsoo would remember this for the rest of his life.

Jongin was about to start, his mouth opening to count down to three, but then he brushed against the swing, and an idea came to him.

“Kyungsoo, I’m going to hang you up in the air from your arms. You will be able to touch the ground, but you will not stand under any circumstances. Understood?” Jongin asked.

He nodded. Jongin slapped his face lightly to test how much pain Kyungsoo could take. To his surprise, Kyungsoo moaned piteously and said breathily, “Yes, I understand.” His cheek was pink from where Jongin had hit him, but it would fade before this was over.

“Good then,” Jongin smiled. He placed the flogger down for a moment, found some handcuffs in the ‘restraints’ drawer and spotted something shining at the bottom of the drawer. _Oh, I could definitely put this to use_ , Jongin thought with a smile.

Handcuffing Kyungsoo was easy. He made him clasp his hands in front of him and told him to put his hands up. Jongin only had to hook the handcuffs to a thick part of the swing and then he just had to adjust the length of the rope dangling the swing down. Jongin pulled at it for a few seconds, and suddenly Kyungsoo’s arms went taut. Two more tugs and Kyungsoo was pulled up in the air, his toes barely grazing the carpet.

“If your arms go numb and you can’t take it anymore, tell me,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo said yes, he would warn Jongin if his arms had pins and needles, so it was now time to start.

 _Where should I hit first?_ Jongin thought. His thighs? Or his ass? No, his ass seemed like an obvious choice. _His chest then_ , Jongin thought. Or to be more specific, his pink nipples. Jongin wanted to suck and pinch them, hear Kyungsoo cry out from the pain and pleasure of it but that would have to wait for later.

Flogging couldn’t take too long because Kyungsoo was suspended, so Jongin went for it. He swung the leather flogger right across Kyungsoo’s nipples, watched his chest contract at the sensation and heard his breathy moan of appreciation.

His cock twitched as well, and Kyungsoo tried to clamp his thighs together but Jongin pinched at his thigh lightly in warning. “Keep your legs apart until I say otherwise.” Kyungsoo whimpered but obeyed, holding his legs out.

Jongin flogged Kyungsoo’s chest vertically next, letting the fronds brush his skin tantalizingly from his shoulder to his belly button, but he went no further than that. He flogged Kyungsoo’s nipples repeatedly, watching his toes curl in pleasure and his thighs tremble every time as faint lines appeared across his skin. Kyungsoo was like living art, life imitating art with his shuddering breaths and beautiful, pale flesh.

He counted the strikes carefully in his head, keeping time to make sure Kyungsoo’s arms wouldn’t go numb without him realizing. Sometimes he hit a little harder, and Kyungsoo would jerk whenever he put more strength behind the strikes. He dragged the flogger around his torso and made his way to Kyungsoo’s back when his front was a bright shade of pink, drawing an imaginary line with the flogger from the back of his neck to the cleft of his ass, where it clenched when the flogger came close.

He was sweating now and so was Jongin, though neither of them intended to pull out of this game. The sheen of sweat over Kyungsoo’s skin shone in the light; an erotic sight somehow, all on its own.

Jongin struck his ass five, six, seven times over the ass, making sure there were visible lines when he was done. Kyungsoo’s arms were gripping the handcuffs tightly now, and Jongin took it as a sign that he was ready to let go soon.

He caressed a hand over Kyungsoo’s ass gently, massaging his ass cheeks. “How are you feeling?” Jongin asked, pressing a kiss to his back.

“It feels nice,” Kyungsoo answered, hands shaking as he shivered under Jongin’s touch. Jongin reached a hand around his waist to finger his cock gently, gripping his length and squeezing gently.

“ _Ah_ ,” Kyungsoo’s figure trembled violently. Jongin hushed him, making a ring with his forefinger and his thumb, gently sliding his fingers up and down Kyungsoo’s cock. The skin of his cock slid back and forth with a slick motion. “You’re dripping for me, aren’t you, Kyungsoo? You want me to fuck you, Kyungsoo, here on the floor where I’ll make you scream for my cock till the neighbors know how much you want me to fuck you?”

“Oh yes, Jongin _please_ , I’m begging you, I want you inside me so badly,” Kyungsoo said desperately. Precome dripped down from the slit and Jongin’s thumb caught it, rubbing it all over his length.

“Do you? Then come for me with your ass untouched, Kyungsoo, show me what kind of slut you are for me,” Jongin said, squeezing Kyungsoo’s cock roughly with his hand.

Kyungsoo cried out a series of _ah’_ s, thighs clamping together momentarily. He was _so_ close, Jongin could feel it from the way his body tensed and got his other hand ready. He only had to rub his finger over Kyungsoo’s tip before he came in spurts, his hoarse, broken scream loud in Jongin’s ears.

But Kyungsoo never fully came. Jongin’s second hand went around his body and he pushed the cock ring down Kyungsoo’s length, just enough to hold back his orgasm. Kyungsoo hardly noticed it first but then he screamed, long and low till it choked off. His back arched upwards as he curved helplessly in the air, unable to come.

“Oh please, please, _Jongin_ please, let me come, I’ll be a good boy for you, _please_ ,” Kyungsoo whined, his words coming out in a rush. Jongin caught the part about being a good boy though, and blood rushed down to his cock.

Kyungsoo’s thighs were straight and rigid as he tried to gain footing, tears running down his face.

“You didn’t keep your legs apart as I told you to. Are you lying to my face, Kyungsoo?” Jongin demanded. Kyungsoo whimpered, fingers clenching and unclenching nervously.

“N-No, I was bad. I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said pleadingly. “Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Jongin tsked at him. He decided to bring Kyungsoo down, and tugged at the straps, allowing Kyungsoo to stand on his own two feet once more. His cock still dripped a few beads of precome, but Jongin knew he couldn’t go any further than that.

“Hold your hands out,” Jongin demanded. Kyungsoo let Jongin take the cuffs off, and he put them aside, running his hands up and down Kyungsoo’s arms to bring the feeling in them back.

“Are your arms alright?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded, sniffling. He shuffled forwards daringly at Jongin, his cock grazing against the fabric of his pants. He shivered at that and Jongin shoved him away roughly. On impulse, he backhanded Kyungsoo hard and was rewarded with a twitch in his cock and a red mark over his cheekbone.

“You need to be patient,” Jongin said, trying to chastise him. Kyungsoo made an incoherent noise in his throat but stood still, this time remembering to keep his legs apart. Jongin smirked at that, and thought maybe he should reward Kyungsoo now, for doing so well.

“If you don’t come from this, Kyungsoo, then I promise I’ll fuck you so deep you’ll never want my cock out of your pretty ass,” Jongin said, pulling open a drawer and running a hand over a selection of vibrators. Kyungsoo was still blindfolded so he couldn’t see a thing, but his breath hitched nonetheless.

“I-I won’t. I’ll be a good boy for you,” Kyungsoo said, sounding determined. Jongin was excited to see how this would work out in a minute, not to mention turned on. He took out a small vibrator, putting it on top of the chest of drawers for later.

“Have you ever been fucked through the ass, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked, taking his time to squirt some lube onto his palm. Since it was Kyungsoo’s first time (but Kyungsoo didn’t know that Jongin knew it), he wanted to take things gentle and rip his ass apart if he didn’t come from this. The scent of strawberry filled the air, and Kyungsoo licked his lips, shaking his head slowly.

 “Hmm, I thought so. Very well, take my hand and listen carefully,” Jongin said, guiding Kyungsoo to the daybed once more. He told Kyungsoo to get on all fours on top of it, leaving enough space for Jongin to climb behind Kyungsoo on his knees.

“Once again, if you come from this then I’m sorry but it will be the only thing you get out of this experience. If you want my cock as much as you say you do, then this will be just fine,” Jongin said, swiping some lube onto his fingers to dab it at Kyungsoo’s ass.

“Hold your ass open,” Jongin said calmly. Kyungsoo complied, leaning forward on his shoulder, thus pressing his face into the opposite end of the daybed with his hands gripping his ass. He parted his ass cheeks obediently, exposing his tight, little entrance to Jongin.

“I’m putting in one finger now,” Jongin said as a warning. He made a small noise of apprehension in his throat. Kyungsoo arched his back further, pushing his ass right at Jongin’s face eagerly.

He coated his fingers with the lube, pressing his finger into Kyungsoo’s entrance slowly. The lube made everything all slippery and nice so Jongin’s finger slid in with a slick sound, with hardly any resistance from his ass.

Kyungsoo’s ass milked Jongin’s finger hungrily when it was inside of him, his inner walls gripping Jongin’s finger like a vice.

 _Oh, I_ cannot _wait till I’m inside him_ , Jongin thought, sliding his finger out slowly. The sphincter of Kyungsoo’s ass held on tightly though and Jongin felt compelled to slide it back in once more, watching his entrance stretch around his finger.

He fitted another finger gently when Kyungsoo’s ass was more pliable, pushing into Kyungsoo’s entrance. He mewled softly, ass sucking Jongin’s fingers in almost eagerly. “Does it hurt?” Jongin asked huskily.

“No,” Kyungsoo sighed, rocking back on Jongin’s fingers. He pulled them out with a wet sound and placed a stilling hand over Kyungsoo’s left ass cheek. “Patience, Kyungsoo, patience,” he cooed.

Adding a third finger, Jongin slowly fucked his ass wide open by spreading his fingers, watching his entrance stretch obscenely. Kyungsoo’s thighs shook with the effort from keeping still, his breath coming in hard huffs and his fingers pressing tightly against his ass cheeks. Jongin slid his middle finger in and out to see how Kyungsoo would react, his two other fingers moving in tandem to the rhythm of his middle finger.

“You like this?” Jongin asked huskily.

Kyungsoo nodded quietly, a drop of sweat sliding down between his shoulder blades. “You’re doing well, Kyungsoo, feel the way your ass squeezes around my fingers? Just imagine what it’d be like once I let you fuck yourself on my cock. You want that, don’t you?” Jongin asked.

“Yes, I do want that,” Kyungsoo answered obediently, mouth dropping open with an _ah_ of pleasure when Jongin’s fingers crooked in his ass. He shuddered for a moment, as if an orgasm just swept through him.

Jongin kissed his ass cheek gently. “Pace yourself, Kyungsoo,” he said softly, “I hope you’ll be able to hold on this, Kyungsoo. I can’t wait to get inside you too.” He said this as an encouragement, and prayed Kyungsoo would be able to stand the vibrator inside him soon. Jongin pulled his fingers out from his ass reluctantly, standing up to move on to the vibrator.

Wiping his fingers on his thigh, Jongin told him to hold himself up properly. Kyungsoo gripped the daybed tightly as he propped himself up on all fours, panting desperately, impatiently.

Jongin pressed some more lube on the vibrator, turning it on with a remote control to make sure it was working. It was pink and transparent, though it could not light up. _Shame_ , Jongin thought. Would’ve been interesting to see if he could see the lights from inside Kyungsoo’s ass.  

“You’re going to enjoy this one, Kyungsoo. In fact, I’ll let you take a short break to take a sip from your cup of tea outside once I put this in you. You’ll be a good boy and do as I say, right?”

Kyungsoo’s ears perked up at that, and perhaps he could already guess what Jongin wanted to do.

“Y-yes, I will,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin smiled, getting behind Kyungsoo once more. “Good. And you will be rewarded for this if you promise me not to come, alright?” Kyungsoo nodded, ready to comply with Jongin’s demand.

Jongin let the head of the vibrator touch Kyungsoo’s entrance. His ass clenched at it, trying to get it in but Jongin didn’t push the vibrator into his ass yet, waited till Kyungsoo was still and obedient. Kyungsoo fidgeted for a few seconds out of anxiety, but stopped once he realized it was too quiet in the room. Then, and only then did Jongin part his ass cheeks with two fingers, pushing the vibrator oh-so-slowly into Kyungsoo’s ass.

Kyungsoo threw his head back with a low mewl, breaking off by biting down on his lip. Jongin pushed it gently all the way in, watching his ass clamp down on it inch by inch with a strange fascination till there was only the horizontal handle left.

The vibrator was about four inches long, not a terribly big stretch but a stretch all the same. It would do for now till Kyungsoo was used to the length and feel of it and if he didn’t orgasm in the next five minutes, Jongin would fuck him as slow or as fast as he wanted. Kyungsoo dropped his head down and groaned, a sheen of sweat appearing over his skin almost immediately.

“Does it hurt?” Jongin asked, patting his ass gently.

“No… Can I, do I move now?” he asked, turning his head in Jongin’s direction. He was still blindfolded, so Jongin reached over to pull his tie over Kyungsoo’s eyes. His pupils were fully dilated and dark with desire as he waited for Jongin to say something. The tears tracks from a while ago were drying up now, though Kyungsoo’s eyes were already starting to water again.

“Yes. Just give me a kiss before you go to the kitchen and take a sip,” Jongin said, hiding the remote in his hand. He hadn’t turned it on yet, and maybe Kyungsoo thought it was just a butt plug.

He couldn’t hide the smile on his face as Kyungsoo got up and stood between Jongin’s legs to lean down and kiss him gently. Jongin ran a hand through his soft hair, kissing him back languidly a few times. Kyungsoo was getting better at kissing now, daring to slide a bit of his tongue into Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin broke the kiss first, savoring the taste of Kyungsoo on his mouth. “Leave the door open,” Jongin said, running a thumb over his lower lip. Kyungsoo nodded, biting his lip. He took a step back and jolted slightly, probably from the feeling of the vibrator move around inside of him. Kyungsoo took a shaky breath and walked stiffly to the door, his ass jiggling ever so slightly with each step. Jongin leaned back, watching him twist the doorknob and take a step out into the living room cautiously.

The handle of the vibrator slid downwards when Kyungsoo’s legs were apart, but it moved back up into his ass when he brought his leg forward, only to have it slide down when he took another step. It was interesting to watch it move in and out, and Jongin could only imagine what it must sound like.

His cock loved the thought of that as well, and Jongin pressed a hand to his crotch, sighing as he palmed his cock and watched Kyungsoo move to the counter to take his mug of now lukewarm tea. He waited till Kyungsoo took a sip as Jongin told him to, watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat before he pressed a button on the remote in his hand.

Kyungsoo jerked violently the second the vibrator started to buzz and he placed a hand on the counter to support himself.

Jongin smirked, alternating between two different speeds by pressing up and down on the remote repeatedly. Kyungsoo hissed, putting the cup down with a shaky hand and moaned, fisting his hands on the counter.

“Are you done already, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked lightly. Kyungsoo didn’t answer right away, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths, chest rising and falling as he breathed. Jongin never knew pleasuring someone else could feel this way. Kyungsoo’s apparent enjoyment fed Jongin’s own sense of gratification as well.

“Come here,” Jongin ordered softly. Kyungsoo, with much effort, walked back into the room, cock flushed red and dripping precome on the ground. He shut the door behind him without being told and stepped forward in front of Jongin, hands behind his back and legs apart.

Jongin held the remote in front of him. He set the vibrator to the highest level, the sound of the vibrator’s quiet buzz audible in the palpable silence of the room.

“Come closer,” Jongin said, taking Kyungsoo’s hand. He took another step forward, a blush over his cheeks and his ears tinged red. His cock was at the same level as Jongin’s mouth and he reached over to hold it in his hand, thumb caressing the cockhead gently. He leaned in to suck at the swollen head, tasting Kyungsoo’s precome on his tongue.

Kyungsoo gasped, whining in his throat. Jongin smiled at his reaction, releasing his cock and then reaching behind him to touch the handle of the vibrator. He pressed on it, pushing it just a little bit deeper into Kyungsoo’s ass.

“You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded frantically as Jongin tugged the vibrator out by an inch. However, his ass clenched down on it instinctively and it slid back in with a wet noise almost at once. Jongin lifted an eyebrow at Kyungsoo.

“You like it this much?” he asked. Kyungsoo hesitated and nodded. “But please, I want your cock in me so very much,” Kyungsoo mumbled shyly.

“Mm, so do I, but you seem to be enjoying this. Perhaps this is all you need?” Jongin suggested. He wanted Kyungsoo to beg, wanted him to bare his all before he’d give in to their baser desires. Kyungsoo whimpered.

“No, I want… I want you, Jongin. Will you please fuck me?” he asked politely. Jongin leaned back on his arms.

“Depends,” Jongin said, biting down on a smile. Kyungsoo seemed at a loss on what to do, staring at Jongin in confusion. When Jongin made no move to help him or remove his vibrator, it became clear to Kyungsoo that Jongin wanted him to demonstrate the extent of his desire. The red of his cheeks flared up as he looked around, flustered.

“Show me, Kyungsoo. Show me and I’ll see what I can do,” Jongin said. “B-But you said—”

Jongin held his hand up as if he wanted to slap Kyungsoo, and his protest stopped. “Are you going to do as I say?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo sniffled, nodding obediently. He then turned around slowly, to Jongin’s mild surprise, facing his back to Jongin. He had no idea what Kyungsoo was going to do, but he certainly had a lovely view when Kyungsoo reached down to grab the vibrator.

At first he thought Kyungsoo was going to tug the vibrator but instead he pushed it deep into himself and pulled it out with a moan, fucking himself with the vibrator with his shaking hand. Jongin watched carefully as he pushed the toy in and out, in and out without any rhythm, moaning all the way but keeping his other hand in Jongin’s view. 

“J-Jongin, I’m a good boy, I didn’t come from the vibrator so please, will you put your cock inside of me?” Kyungsoo begged.

Jongin chuckled, Kyungsoo’s hands working to shove the vibrator deep up his ass. “Well, now that you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?” he said, placing a hand over Kyungsoo’s hand to stop him. Kyungsoo sighed in relief. “T-thank you, Jongin,” he said, looking over his shoulder.

“Thank me later when I’m done,” Jongin said, pulling the vibrator out of his ass. It was warm from being in Kyungsoo’s body for so long and buzzed insistently as ever.

Jongin switched it off and dropped it to the ground, pulling Kyungsoo towards him by the arm. “Get on all fours again,” Jongin commanded softly in his ear. Kyungsoo clambered onto the daybed once again while Jongin threw his tank top off, flinging it to the ground and tugging his pants off. His boxers felt constrictively tight and he was glad to be rid of it, kicking it off and moving towards the chest of drawers to snatch up the bottle of lube.

He turned around to admire Kyungsoo’s figure on the daybed and caught him staring at his cock. Jongin suddenly realized that Kyungsoo had never seen his cock before, not once in all this time and made no attempt to hide it as he smeared lube all over his length.

“You like what you see?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo licked his lips and nodded slowly. “I’ll let you suck me off next time,” Jongin smiled, placing the bottle back down once his cock was completely slicked up.

Kyungsoo looked nervous as Jongin came over to the daybed. He got behind Kyungsoo, placing his hands on Kyungsoo’s waist to balance himself on the daybed. Kyungsoo’s hips shook and Jongin rubbed his hands over his soft skin to calm him. “It’s alright, don’t be too nervous. I’ll try not to hurt you,” Jongin promised.

He nodded quietly, tensing up to brace himself. “Relax, Kyungsoo,” Jongin breathed, running a finger down his curved spine. Goosebumps appeared all over his skin and he shuddered beneath Jongin’s touch. Kyungsoo tried to relax, breathing deeply despite his shivering.

“You alright?” Jongin asked, using his hand to place his tip at Kyungsoo’s entrance. He stiffened at the sensation but nodded, fingers squeezing the end of the daybed.

Jongin patted his side in an attempt to reassure him and placed a hand over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to slowly inch him backwards onto his cock, lifting his hips slightly to slide his cock into his ass. Kyungsoo’s face scrunched up in pain as Jongin’s cock stretched his entrance, thin veins appearing on his neck.

“Does it hurt?” Jongin asked, halting with his half of his cock inside Kyungsoo’s ass. He groaned and said something incoherently under his breath. “Y-yes but I don’t want you to stop,” he mumbled, eyes closed.

Good. His ass was softer than Jongin expected and much hotter as well, and he wasn’t sure if he had the will to back off if he _was_ hurting Kyungsoo. He gripped Kyungsoo’s shoulder and went on, sliding into Kyungsoo slowly. He stopped once every inch of him was inside Kyungsoo, his balls brushing against the bottom of Kyungsoo’s ass.

Jongin took a few seconds to let Kyungsoo get used to the feel of his ass being stretched. When he glanced down he could see faint veins at his entrance, straggly, dark lines just beneath Kyungsoo’s white skin. Kyungsoo’s body trembled as he whimpered at Jongin’s intrusion.

After about a minute of panting and struggling to stay still on the daybed, Kyungsoo moved forward slightly, leaning towards the wall in front of him experimentally and that was all but it was enough to make Jongin feel close to heaven. His ass practically sucked at Jongin’s cock and Kyungsoo cried out half in pain and half in pleasure.

“I’ll be moving now,” Jongin said softly, digging his hands into Kyungsoo’s sides. “Gently, please,” Kyungsoo pleaded.

Jongin went slow, pulling out of Kyungsoo slowly. He pulled his cock out till there was only the tip left inside of Kyungsoo waiting for a second or two before snapping his hips forward. Kyungsoo keened in his throat at the stretch again and his ass instinctively gripped Jongin’s cock, pulsing around his length.

“Alright?” Jongin muttered, leaning in a little closer. Kyungsoo nodded, pushing back on Jongin’s cock gently. “Can I go faster?” Jongin asked.

“Please,” Kyungsoo replied. Jongin chuckled under his breath, settling behind Kyungsoo in a more comfortable position. “Good then,” he answered, pulling out and thrusting back in quickly. Kyungsoo gasped quietly, breath hitching in his chest but Jongin knew it probably didn’t hurt anymore. And if it didn’t hurt that meant he could move faster now and try to hit Kyungsoo at the right spot while he was at it.

Jongin started to thrust into Kyungsoo roughly, pulling Kyungsoo back slightly by the hips to fuck him open. Kyungsoo obliged him by moving back and forth on his knees in time with Jongin’s thrusts, making small noises of pleasure every time Jongin’s cock slid into him with a wet sound. Jongin felt like he couldn’t breathe every time Kyungsoo’s ass clenched down on him; he fitted around his cock nice and tight; and hot as well, so hot he felt like he was burning up with each thrust of the hips.

It felt wrong to be enjoying this as much as he did, but he loved the noises Kyungsoo was making, each moan and cry growing louder as he approached his own orgasm. Jongin shifted at one point to slide in a little deeper and he felt his cock touch Kyungsoo’s prostrate at the same time Kyungsoo jolted like he’d been electrified, sighing loudly.

“Oh, not there, Jongin p-please,” Kyungsoo stuttered, but Jongin just bit his lip and started to move a little faster, a little sloppier as he tried to hit the same spot again.

He grunted as he fucked Kyungsoo repeatedly with his cock, varying the angles to see if Kyungsoo would moan for him again. It was the upward thrusts that had Kyungsoo’s arms buckling over weakly as he let a string of _ah ah ah_ ’s fall from his pretty mouth, had his cock dripping precome all over the velvet daybed and had him begging for Jongin to let him come.

“P-please, Jongin, I want to come for you, I’ll do anything for you,” Kyungsoo pleaded, hips jerking up every time Jongin hit his prostrate.

“You’re just saying that,” Jongin bit out, feeling heat curling in his abdomen, he could feel the build, it was coming soon but he put it off a little longer, enjoying the slick feeling of his cock sliding into Kyungsoo’s ass, of fucking him hard like this.

“No, no, I want to be a good boy, I promise I’ll be good, _ah_ —” Kyungsoo bit on his lower lip when Jongin pressed into him and leaned over his back heavily, skin to skin with his legs between Jongin’s.

He reached down to tug at the cock ring while thrusting a little slower this time to drag it out, biting on Kyungsoo’s earlobe harshly. The ring dropped to the carpet with a brief, muffled sound and Kyungsoo’s cock swelled considerably in Jongin’s hand. He slowed his thrusts and made each stroke long and hard inside Kyungsoo, pushing him deliberately close to the edge.

“Come for me then, Kyungsoo, come for me like the cockslut you really are,” Jongin whispered in his ear.

Kyungsoo moaned, eyes scrunching shut before he hunched forward, his cock spurting all over Jongin’s daybed. Jongin continued to move inside him, relished the way Kyungsoo’s ass milked his cock as he came with a choked noise. “J-Jongin, you—” Kyungsoo wordlessly tried to move backwards on Jongin’s cock, clenching as hard as he could despite his orgasm, trying to get Jongin to come as well.

“No, stop,” Jongin gasped, watching the way Kyungsoo bounced without any rhythm onto his cock. He gripped Kyungsoo by the hair to try and stop him, but his ass felt so good on his cock, tugging him and squeezing eagerly. His enthusiasm caught him by surprise, and Jongin came as well, unexpectedly, into Kyungsoo’s ass.

His come dribbled out of his ass almost at once, trickling down his shaking thighs and smearing on Jongin’s legs.

Jongin pulled out of him, dropping down onto the carpet like a newborn deer. He felt like he’d been reborn, having fucked a guy for the first time in his life and enjoying it so immensely. Kyungsoo heard him thump to the ground and crawled down as well, his eyes red and teary from his orgasm.

“T-thank you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo mumbled, reaching over to give him a chaste kiss. Jongin threw an arm around his shoulders, tugging Kyungsoo to him and lying back on the carpet, sated and pretty much speechless with the moment they’d just shared.

“I think,” Jongin panted, “that perhaps, thanks are in order on my part as well.” He turned to kiss Kyungsoo gently, sucking on his moist lower lip and caressing his hair. “You did surprisingly well,” Jongin said between kisses.

Kyungsoo laughed weakly back at him, half of his body lying on Jongin and his legs tangled between Jongin’s longer ones. “I—it was more than I could have ever expected,” Kyungsoo said softly, eyes downcast as he spoke. Jongin smiled, peppering kisses all over his damp face. “I take that as a compliment,” Jongin replied.

Kyungsoo made a small noise of comprehension and snuggled against Jongin’s chest, their sweaty bodies lined up somewhat perfectly against each other. Jongin pressed his nose into Kyungsoo’s hair, closing his eyes to savor the moment.

“I can’t believe that was my first time,” Kyungsoo said, his voice quiet.

“If you stick around there’ll be more to come,” Jongin smiled, looking down at him. “I… It wouldn’t be right for me to stay,” Kyungsoo murmured.

“Then stay long enough for a shower, hm?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo hummed in consideration, glancing up at Jongin. He looked conflicted with staying or following his instinct to back away from any intimate encounters, but Jongin meant it when he said he didn’t mind Kyungsoo staying over. It wouldn’t be the first time sharing his home with someone else, though he didn’t say so because it might hurt Kyungsoo.

“Just for a little while then,” Kyungsoo relented. “You’ll have to let me feed you as well,” Jongin said, trailing a fingertip over the red mark on Kyungsoo’s cheek. “And maybe give you something to put on your bruises,” he murmured.

“That already sounds like too much,” Kyungsoo muttered.

“No, it sounds like good manners. I can’t just let you take the bus home after smacking you around,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo scoffed at first, and then giggled behind his hand at that remark.  

Jongin smiled down at him, lifting an eyebrow. “So it’s funny to you now, what we just did?” he asked, huffing a laugh before ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair. His heart skipped a beat at the sound of Kyungsoo’s laughter, soft yet bold, just like who he really was inside. Jongin could see why Luhan and Baekhyun were so protective of him now; he was very much a child despite being a year older than Jongin. _Maybe he never really grew up since the bullying happened_ , Jongin thought. He shoved that thought away hastily; he didn’t want to get down from his cloud of happiness just yet.

Maybe he was just hiding from the world, and Jongin was the first person to drag him out of his shell, albeit kicking and screaming (theoretically).

“I liked it when you ‘smacked me around’,” Kyungsoo said, “I dunno, it was just… the way I imagined it to be, and maybe even better. But I shouldn’t stay too long, ‘cause…” he trailed off.

“Because? Because you have a roommate to take care of? Because it’s not proper to stay? If we played by the rules all our lives, hyung, then we would never have met in the first place,” Jongin said, chucking Kyungsoo under the chin.

“It’s not my place anyway, I wouldn’t know what to do,” Kyungsoo fidgeted nervously. “You’re free to do whatever you want, it is a no safety limit zone here,” Jongin said, absently running his fingertips over Kyungsoo’s neck.

“It sounds dangerous,” Kyungsoo said, lifting an eyebrow at Jongin. “And I don’t—I’ve never done anything really dangerous in my life.”

“Ah yes, other than stalking me there was not much excitement in your life, was there?” Jongin asked jokingly. Kyungsoo blushed, pushing at Jongin’s chest half heartedly. “Shut up,” he muttered.

Jongin laughed. “Look, don’t think so hard about things, will you? Just let me get you all nice and clean, and then we’ll put some cream on your bruises, get something to eat, and then you think about it, hm?”

“But I’ve already thought about it—”

“Nope,” Jongin cut him off with a wave of his hand. Kyungsoo blinked. “But I—”

Jongin placed his mouth over Kyungsoo’s lips, swallowing his protest easily. Kyungsoo tried to push him away but Jongin slid his tongue into his mouth and kissed him senseless, leaving both of them breathless when he broke away.

“Stop. Thinking,” Jongin ordered. Kyungsoo chewed his lower lip, staring up at him with an unfathomable gaze. “O-okay,” he muttered.

Jongin smiled. “Wasn’t too hard at all, now was it?”


	10. light of your life, fire of your loins (keep me forever, tell me you own me)

Kyungsoo sat in the bathtub awkwardly, surrounded by foam and hot water on all sides. Jongin sipped at his red wine, sitting at the opposite end of the bathtub across from Kyungsoo. He hadn’t said a word in at least eight minutes, and it was starting to make Jongin nervous.

“Is… everything alright?” he asked tentatively. Kyungsoo had refused Jongin’s offer of red wine, but he certainly looked like he needed it more than Jongin. And they were both in the bathtub right now, which was supposed to be relaxing. Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin when he spoke but looked away once he met Jongin’s gaze.

“Y-yeah,” Kyungsoo replied, looking down at the blob of foamy bubbles in front of him. He shifted beneath the water, and the foam floating on the surface moved as well.

“Are you sure?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo didn’t seem ‘alright’ in any sense of the word at all. Nervous, perhaps, or on the verge of a mental breakdown was much more apt than ‘alright’. He nodded, slowly leaning back on the curved wall of the tub. Jongin had his legs stretched out in the tub and he couldn’t feel Kyungsoo’s legs underwater, thus guessing that Kyungsoo probably had his legs folded in a lotus position. He couldn’t fathom why Kyungsoo was acting so uptight.  

Jongin placed the wine glass on the small table by the bathtub beside him and settled back in the water, watching Kyungsoo as he stared at the foam around him like it was something he’d never seen before.

“If you’re alright… then why are you so uncomfortable?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, casting a hasty glance up at Jongin. “Uncomfortable? Nah, I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just a little tired, I guess.” Jongin pursed his lips at Kyungsoo’s reply. Kyungsoo was the epitome of uncomfortable right now; lying about it didn’t help in any way.

If Kyungsoo wasn’t going to start acting normal soon, then Jongin decided that playing nice wouldn’t work. He moved forward in the water abruptly with a loud slosh, parting the foam as he crawled on a straight path directly headed towards Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo gurgled when he saw Jongin heading towards his side of the tub and splashed water up at him in a vain attempt to keep him away. “Stay away, I tell you—” Jongin splashed the foamy water right back at him and soaked him through and through, cornering him by placing both arms on either sides of the tub behind Kyungsoo. He blushed furiously, grabbing some foam up in his hand and pressing it to Jongin’s face.

“Is this how an ‘alright’ person behaves?” Jongin asked, voice muffled through the foam. “… I don’t know!” Kyungsoo all but shouted indignantly, “I wouldn’t know because you’re so! SO YOU,” Kyungsoo yelled.

Jongin wiped away the foam from his face, sitting back on his hunches to look at Kyungsoo amusedly. He was red in the face and breathing hard, most of all somewhat ashamed.

“I can’t help being who I am, you know,” Jongin tried to point out.

“I know,” Kyungsoo replied, folding his arms, not caring to elaborate any further than that.

“Was it something I did, something I said? ‘Cause if it was then I’m sorry,” Jongin said hesitantly. Apologizing first was always a good way to butter someone up, and Jongin was definitely trying to get on Kyungsoo’s good side at this point (he really couldn’t help being who he was, after all).

“N-no, it wasn’t—it’s not you,” Kyungsoo answered, rolling his eyes in exasperation. Jongin reached a cautious hand down to Kyungsoo’s arm. “Can you tell me what is it, at least? I can’t help but feel a little distant from you right now,” Jongin said, caressing Kyungsoo’s arm to calm him down.

“I— I told you I wasn’t comfortable with staying over any longer than I’m supposed to,” Kyungsoo said irritably. Ah. That was enlightening indeed. Jongin nodded along to encourage him, inching a little closer to Kyungsoo.

“And?”

“And, I—I’m here in the tub with _you_ ,” the outburst from earlier seemed to deflate from him as he trailed off. Jongin waited patiently.

“I mean… everything’s nice. The hot water is nice, your bathroom smells nice and _I_ feel nice from—from what we did earlier,” Kyungsoo blushed, “I don’t understand.”

 _You and me both, little pally_ , Jongin thought to himself. “You don’t understand what again?” he asked, not quite following Kyungsoo’s train of thought.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so unnecessarily _nice_ ,” Kyungsoo said, hissing the word like it was a filthy curse. _But all I did was offer a bath and wine_ , Jongin thought in protest. Surely that wasn’t being overly nice and completely undeserving of this accusation?

“If you want me to be ruder to you or something then you’ll have to tell me though,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo laughed in disbelief at that, covering his face with his wet hands. There were faint, red lines around his wrists from the handcuffs they’d used earlier and Jongin touched them gently.

“You—No, I’m not complaining about how you’re treating me, Jongin, I’m just not _used to it_ ,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin took his wrists and pulled them away from his face, cupping Kyungsoo’s cheek in one hand. “Are you sure I didn’t flog you too hard?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Kyungsoo said hurriedly, nodding his head. “I just thought that you... someone like you would be— I dunno, finished with me once we’ve done it,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“ _Finished_ with you?” Jongin repeated.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo looked up at him. “Like, done with me. Completely done once we… Well, you know,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin chuckled.

“Yes, I do know. But it’s the right thing to do to offer a bath and some food before you leave. Did you think I was going to throw you out the minute we were done having sex?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded in embarrassment, sliding down into the water. His shins bumped into Jongin’s thighs underwater as he went down, and Jongin had to drag him back up by the arms to talk to him.

“I’m _not_ going to throw you away like that. Contrary to popular belief, I do have manners and empathy, you know. I mean, out of all people I thought you knew that, or at least guessed at it,” Jongin said.

“Yes b-but I’m nobody and if anyone knew what we were doing you’d be in so much trouble—”

“Nobody knows about us, okay? Nobody important, anyway, and nobody who’s that much of a snitch to tell on either of us. Right? You haven’t told anyone besides Baekhyun and Luhan, have you?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I don’t have any other friends, so…” he trailed off.

“That’s because you’re too shy, hyung,” Jongin said. “Look at how long it took for me to get you to tell me how you feel, for God’s sake,” he said, and Kyungsoo flinched. Jongin stopped, then sighed heavily.

“Hyung, no one’s going to laugh at you here or make fun of you. It’s just us, and you can tell me how you feel or if you need something. Honestly, how would I know anything if we didn’t communicate?” Jongin retorted.

Then Kyungsoo sniffled, and Jongin was filled with horror. Why was Kyungsoo crying _again_?

“Oh God— I’m sorry I said that, it was harsh and stupid of me, okay, hyung, stop crying for fuck’s sake,” Jongin said, hugging Kyungsoo quickly.

“No, I’m not sad, Jongin, I’m just—” Kyungsoo wailed, putting his arms around Jongin’s shoulders.

“I’ve never felt this way,” he whispered.

“What, bipolar?”

“No, I’ve never felt… cared for. And I wish you weren’t so nice to me, it just makes things harder for me,” Kyungsoo muttered, laying his head on Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin sank down in the water, pouring water down Kyungsoo’s smooth back to soothe him.

“Harder in what way?” Jongin asked.

“Harder to just wake up from this dream and tell myself that it wasn’t real,” Kyungsoo said, sounding close to tears.

“Oh hyung, this isn’t a dream, I’m sad to say. The water’s not going to stay hot forever, you know,” Jongin said, trying to cheer him up. Kyungsoo must’ve been holding back most of his emotions if talking about this was all it took to bring him to tears. 

“I know,” Kyungsoo said, pulling away to look at Jongin. His eyes were sad and filled with unshed tears, and Jongin couldn’t help but hold his face in his hands, kissing his lips gently.

“I know that after this I won’t be the same and that you’ll probably get tired of me soon. It’s fine if you’re tired of me but I—” Kyungsoo bit his lip, “I’ve liked you for a long time. I won’t get over it as easily as you will so if you could just save me a lot of pain by letting me leave—”

“Hyung, stop, listen to yourself. Don’t be afraid,” Jongin said, brushing a thumb over his tears. “Don’t be afraid of what we might be or where we’ll go in the future. Just live in the present, hyung, and feel what you want to feel. Don’t think about what might come or what might’ve been, because life never works out that way and you can’t keep second guessing every move, can you?”

Kyungsoo shook his head forlornly. “Right, see? I’m nice to you because I _want_ to be nice to you, and you deserve to be treated nicely. Okay? Unless you want me to be not so nice to you, but that’s another story…”

Kyungsoo giggled despite himself, holding Jongin’s hands to his face. Jongin smiled. “I won’t get tired of you, hyung, not in the near future or anytime soon. I know you’ve been… feeling things for me for a long time, and that’s alright. I like you too, you know, even if you did slap me in the face with foam just now.”

“You’re not the way I thought you were, that’s all. I was bracing myself for you to turn a cold shoulder but you made such a nice and warm bath for us, and you s-said all those nice things in the room,” Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to cry again, and Jongin shushed him.

“I won’t be nice to you anymore if all you’re going to do is cry. I’m not used to getting people to stop crying,” Jongin grimaced. He cupped some foam in his hand and blew it over Kyungsoo’s face.

“Stop crying, hyung. I mean it, or we’ll be here all day,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo seemed to collect himself at that and wiped at his face, laughing weakly.

“Now play with me or I’ll be the one crying soon,” Jongin demanded, picking up more foam to plop it on Kyungsoo’s head. Kyungsoo smiled, wiping the residual foam from Jongin’s face with his fingers. Jongin couldn’t tell what he was thinking of from his expression but he looked much more cheered up now, and that was enough for Jongin.

-

Jongin dabbed some of the bruising gel on Kyungsoo’s wrists with a cotton bud carefully. “You’re too slow, Jongin, and that’s too little anyway,” Kyungsoo tutted at him, trying to snatch away the tube from Jongin.

“No, no, I’m doing this for you and you can’t say shit about it,” Jongin said, stretching his hand out of Kyungsoo’s reach while rubbing the gel over Kyungsoo’s skin.

“My mom used to apply this for me when my sisters pushed me over when I was a kid. I had bruises everywhere and everyone used to think I was always getting into fights,” Jongin said distractedly.

“I didn’t know you had sisters,” Kyungsoo said, lifting an eyebrow. They were out of the bathtub now, the water draining away as Kyungsoo sat on the sink while Jongin inspected him carefully, applying all sorts of creams from his medicinal kit. Some were for bruises, like the one he was using now and some were to ease any kind of soreness Kyungsoo might feel. Pink and messy lines criss crossed Kyungsoo’s front and back from where Jongin had flogged him, and Jongin made sure to smother all those lines in medicinal cream.  

“We’re not close,” Jongin replied. “We’re really far apart by age, so there’s not much we can say to each other. My dad keeps them off the media because they wanted to make a name for themselves. Too bad I’m his only son, otherwise I might’ve had a different kind of career path now,” Jongin smiled, pressing more gel onto the cotton bud and spreading it over Kyungsoo’s other wrist.

“You said that you never wanted the company,” Kyungsoo said, referring to the time when they were on their way to Kyungsoo’s place. It felt like a long time ago though it must’ve been less than a month.

“Yeah, and I still don’t want it. Going places is fun, I guess, but I don’t like the pressure I’m getting from being my dad’s son. His shoes are pretty big shoes to fill,” Jongin shrugged.

“But it’s your responsibility nonetheless,” Kyungsoo said gently. He didn’t sound accusing or questioning; it was just a statement.

“Mm. I wouldn’t know what to do if he didn’t set me on this path, but it would’ve been nice to know that I had a choice,” Jongin said, a bitter note creeping in his voice. He blinked his thoughts away quickly, not wanting to sour the mood. Kyungsoo’s wrists were finally done, and Jongin threw the cotton bud away in the dustbin.

“You’re all patched up now. You feel pain anywhere?” Jongin asked, dropping the tube of gel into the medicinal kit.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I’m fine. Thanks,” Kyungsoo said, looking away in embarrassment. Jongin had to dab some BB cream on his cheekbone to cover up a purple bruise, but even that couldn’t hide his blushing cheeks. Jongin smiled, shutting the kit and putting it aside. “Good. Let’s change our clothes now and move on to… searching for something to eat. Shall we?” Jongin said, holding out a hand to Kyungsoo. He took his hand and hopped down from the sink, gripping the towel around his waist.

“I can cook though, do you have anything I can use?” Kyungsoo asked as Jongin led him to the bedroom.

“Er no, not unless you plan on cooking with junk food and ramyeon noodles,” Jongin said apologetically. He had brought Kyungsoo’s bag into the room along with his clothes he was wearing when he arrived before they went into the bathroom, so Kyungsoo picked at his clothes, turning them inside out while Jongin looked into his closet for something to put on.

“What do you feel like eating, hyung? I feel like Italian food, maybe some pizza. I know this great place with authentic Italian pizza…” Jongin babbled on for a bit, throwing his towel aside to put his boxers and a pair of worn jeans. He turned around after a minute to get Kyungsoo’s opinion on which shirt to wear, only to see Kyungsoo still standing there with the towel around his waist and eyes averted to the ceiling.

“Hyung?” Jongin said, holding two shirts up.

“Yes?” Kyungsoo said, reluctantly looking at Jongin. “Oh. I think that shirt’s nice—”

“Why are you not getting dressed?” Jongin asked incredulously. “And were you talking about this shirt?” he added, holding up one with an obscure pattern on the front.

Kyungsoo nodded. “I er, was hoping I could change in the bathroom instead,” he said meekly, blushing away. Jongin rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen you naked already, what more is there to hide?”

“Feels a little more personal now that we’re not up to… anything,” Kyungsoo finished lamely. Jongin half smiled, putting his shirt on. He waved a hand at Kyungsoo to get changing. “I won’t look, then. I’ll be in the bathroom drying my hair,” Jongin said decisively, going back into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

His hair didn’t take long to dry and it was pretty messy despite running his fingers through it to tame his slightly curly hair, but there was no helping it. Even with the recent trip to the hair salon, it kept falling into his eyes. He could only hope that Kyungsoo didn’t mind him looking a little messy.

While he was trying to get his hair in place, Kyungsoo knocked on the door quietly. He turned the hair dryer off and he told him to come in, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at Kyungsoo; there was no real point in being all polite and modest around Jongin.

“I’m done now. Can I use the hair dryer too?” Kyungsoo said, poking his head through the door.

“Sure. I need to get my things anyway,” Jongin nodded. Jongin ruffled his hair, unsure of what to do with it and decided to just let it be. He exited the bathroom, trying to figure out where he last saw his wallet while Kyungsoo dried his hair. Jongin searched in his closet and came up empty, so he moved on to his bedroom when he noticed his room looked a little neater than before. He didn’t remember folding his blanket into a neat pile, and wasn’t there supposed to be a towel on the ground from just now?

“Did you clean up my room?” Jongin asked through the open bathroom door, spotting his wallet on the dresser. “Y-yeah,” Kyungsoo said, paling visibly.

“I hope you didn’t mind, it just looked kind of messy…” he said over the hair dryer.

“I’m fine with it, I just didn’t expect you to clean my mess up. I usually have someone who does that for me,” Jongin replied.

“Ah,” Kyungsoo laughed nervously. Having found his wallet and his phone, he stuffed his wallet into his pocket and walked out of the room while dialing Mr. Lee up.  

“Yes, sir?”

“Mr. Lee, remember that Italian place in Garosu-gil?” Jongin said. Mr. Lee said yes he did, and would be waiting for Jongin in the car park downstairs. Jongin looked around his apartment to make sure he had everything he needed with him, and then suddenly realized that the mug of tea had disappeared from the counter in the kitchen and the living room was clear of Kyungsoo’s photos.

“Did you clean my entire apartment as well?” Jongin asked, when Kyungsoo appeared while he was keeping his half full bottle of wine into the fridge.

“I was afraid someone might come over and ask questions…” Kyungsoo shrugged awkwardly. Jongin smiled in appreciation, shutting the fridge and kissed his cheek affectionately.

“Did you clean up the other room as well?” Jongin asked jokingly. Kyungsoo said, “I could do it later if you want—”

“God, hyung, you don’t have to do that, okay? You’re my date, not my maid,” Jongin said, taking his hand to prove his point. Kyungsoo gurgled incoherently, trailing after Jongin out of the place.

They rode the elevator down in silence, and when they reached the car park Jongin reluctantly released Kyungsoo’s hand as they approached Jongin’s Rolls Royce. He thought that maybe Kyungsoo looked slightly disappointed as well, but it was… too early to really say anything. And Jongin still had mixed feelings about this despite already having slept with Kyungsoo.

Maybe, if he decided to stay over, they could talk things through and see where they were supposed to go from here on.

The ride to Garosu-gil was mercifully short despite heavy traffic, and Mr. Lee said he’d hang around the area till Jongin was ready to go, so they entered the restaurant with ease and were sat at a table in a surreptitious corner where no one could tell it was Jongin unless they came all the way to their table. Jongin suspected the waitress could recognize him because she was extra friendly with him and enthusiastically recited to them their daily specials from the menu.

“I think we’ll need some time to read through the menu,” Jongin said, subtly trying to get rid of her. Kyungsoo looked rather frightened of her; probably because he’d never faced this much enthusiasm from a waitress before.

“Oh yes, I’ll take your order whenever you’re ready, sir. Would you like some water for now?” she asked, looking from Kyungsoo to Jongin excitedly. “Um, sure,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo gave her a wide eyed look as she scampered away to get them glasses of water.

“Does everyone act like this around you?” Kyungsoo asked, face burning a bright red.

“Sometimes,” Jongin laughed. Kyungsoo just said _oh_ , and continued to read through the menu, eyes widening every so often when he glanced at the price of every dish.

“I er, I think this place is out of my budget, Jongin, it’s not—” he shook his head.

“I’m paying though? You’re not going to pay for this,” Jongin replied. Hmm, fresh basil and feta cheese pizza sounded pretty good…

“I’ll just order a drink then,” Kyungsoo said, shutting the menu with a click and putting it aside. Jongin lifted an eyebrow. “You do realize I’m trying to feed you, not starve you?”

“I’m not hungry,” Kyungsoo mumbled, touching the silver knife and fork beside him.

“Well, I say you are, and if you don’t know what to order I’ll just order for both of us then. How do you like wine?”

“You just had wine at your place,” Kyungsoo protested.

“So you’re okay with wine then,” Jongin said, waving the waitress over. He ordered a large pizza to share with Kyungsoo and a plate of creamy carbonara with cod in case the pizza wasn’t enough, along with any sort of light red wine to wash everything all down. Kyungsoo had his lips pursed the whole time as if being forced to eat at the best Italian place in Seoul was _such_ a travesty.

When the girl left after serving their water and promising that their food was going to arrive soon, Jongin looked at Kyungsoo. “Don’t you like having someone to pay for your food, hyung? Really, this place isn’t that expensive and it’s alright to let me handle this sort of thing if you can’t do it,” Jongin said, taking a sip of water from his glass.

“I’m older than you, I should be paying,” Kyungsoo said, leaning back in his seat.

“Oh come on, no one really cares about that rule anymore. Why don’t we start over for now, hm? We’ll pretend this is a date and that I don’t know about our age difference so whoever gets the bill doesn’t really matter,” Jongin said. Technically it _was_ a date, their first one in fact, not counting their photo session because Jongin didn’t exactly wine and dine Kyungsoo that time.

“I’ve never been on a date before,” Kyungsoo said softly.

“Well. Neither have I,” Jongin said. It wasn’t exactly the truth but it wasn’t a lie either. He’d never dated someone _after_ he’d already slept with them and it was never with someone he wanted to see again. It felt new to Jongin as well, and it might as well be his first time too.

“Don’t lie, I know you’ve dated before. I followed you on a date once, with a girl,” Kyungsoo laughed weakly.

“Then you’ll also know that I never saw her again after that date. Come on, hyung, work with me. This is a public place, so it’s mutual ground and,” he gestured at the both of them, “there’s a lot we don’t know about each other. You can ask me about anything you want, about how terrible the date went with that girl, or how my sisters bullied me because they were so much older than me…”

Kyungsoo cracked up into a smile. “I can’t picture anyone bullying you,” he said.  

“Huh. They used to dress me up in a Japanese kimono and tell me it would make me a man,” Jongin scoffed. Kyungsoo laughed, looking away as he did so but it worked. Jongin didn’t understand why Kyungsoo insisted he should pay for everything just because he was the hyung when it was clear he couldn’t afford it anyway, and Jongin didn’t mind paying for the meal and things like that. He was glad that they were off that subject for now, at least, till Kyungsoo was in a better mood and more open to discussing that.

Jongin told Kyungsoo a few amusing stories from college to keep him smiling, and by the time their food came Kyungsoo was definitely distracted by Jongin to think much about what he was doing. The pizza was delicious, the pasta was perfectly cooked, and the wine helped to loosen Kyungsoo up.

“I’ve never had real wine before. Luhan always preferred beer and that’s all I’ve ever really drank,” Kyungsoo said, tasting the wine tentatively.

“Have some pasta and then drink the wine, it goes down better that way,” Jongin said, pulling a slice of pizza from the pan and placing it on Kyungsoo’s plate. Kyungsoo did so, and realized that the wine did taste slightly different with a bite of cod and cream.

“So Kyungsoo, you’ve never really um, talked about yourself. Are you an only child?” Jongin asked, pretending he never did a bit of stalking of his own that one time in his office.

“No, I have an elder brother. I wasn’t born in Seoul, as you might’ve guessed by now. I still don’t know my way around sometimes,” Kyungsoo said, his smile faltering slightly.

“Seoul isn’t the center of the world; it’s okay if you didn’t grow up here. Where _did_ you come from then? Did you live with your grandparents and everything, the whole nine yards of living outside of Seoul?” Jongin asked lightly.

“Nope, my grandparents lived separately from us. Seungsoo and I— um, that’s my brother’s name, we only ever played with each other when we were younger. I guess that’s why I don’t open up very well,” Kyungsoo chuckled nervously, taking a bite from the pizza, “I’ve been around people who knew me their whole lives, so it’s hard. To be around different people and to pretend that I’m,” he shrugged his shoulders, “not gay.”

“Did it ever come up very often?” Jongin asked.

“When I was younger?” Kyungsoo said. Jongin nodded. He frowned before continuing slowly. “I never knew I was gay, actually. I didn’t notice till one day I realized all the fairy tales were about a prince and princess falling in love, and I’d always pictured myself liking boys. I talked to my brother about it and he was fine with it, but um.” Kyungsoo’s voice dropped low, “My parents weren’t happy. Obviously. They always wanted grandkids, so it was hard for them to take.”

Jongin reached over to take his hand when his voice cracked audibly. “You don’t have to talk about this if you… don’t want to,” Jongin said softly. “You can skip to something else if you want.”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, blinking rapidly. He picked up a napkin from the table and dabbed at his eyes. “It’s nothing really, I’m just being silly. They got over it once I told them I would try to get a job here in Seoul like my brother so they could retire and enjoy life a bit,” Kyungsoo sniffled, taking another sip of wine.

“It’s not silly. You wanted acceptance, and that’s not a lot to ask from someone,” Jongin said, patting his hand. He didn’t want to bring up his high school years here, and so quickly changed the subject by saying, “How’s the food, by the way?”

Kyungsoo looked down at his pizza. “It’s… great, actually. I’ve never tasted any of these ingredients before but they go very well together,” Kyungsoo said, smiling up at Jongin. Suddenly, Jongin felt thankful that they could enjoy good food like this, and that he was willing to offer Kyungsoo so much more if it meant putting that shy smile on his face again.

Jongin returned his smile with one of his own and pushed the plate of pasta towards Kyungsoo. “Have some more,” Jongin said warmly. They ate heartily, and Jongin felt pleasantly full by the time the pizza and pasta was all but gone.

“Hyung, you know, there’s something I feel like we should really talk about,” Jongin said, after the main course and Jongin demanded some Italian gelato from the waitress.

Kyungsoo didn’t look very surprised when he said that; he probably knew this conversation would happen sooner or later. “We need to DTR, don’t we?” Kyungsoo asked softly.

Jongin nodded. “Yep. There’s a lot of defining to do, to be honest, and I don’t know where to start,” Jongin said. They fell silent on the matter when the waitress breathlessly came back to tell them they had choices of strawberry, bubblegum, chocolate and raspberry gelato at the moment, and which flavor would they like to have?

“I think I’ll take raspberry,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo went for chocolate gelato instead, and the waitress went off to get them their gelato as well as wine to refill their glasses.

“You were saying?” Kyungsoo said.

“Ah. Right, well. You don’t want to go public, and the truth is neither do I. Not yet anyway. But there’s some things we need to clear up, like…”

“Who pays the bills?” Kyungsoo supplied helpfully.

Jongin gave him a dry look. “No, that’s obviously me because I don’t want to burden you with that kind of thing when you’re struggling to pay rent now, so don’t try to fight me on this…”

“But I don’t want to be your burden,” Kyungsoo said pleadingly. “Don’t take this away from me, Jongin, just let me do something for you at least, if you don’t want me to paying for our meals together.”

Jongin thought about it. “Okay. So if I let you do something else for me, you won’t argue with me about the bill later on?” he asked.

Kyungsoo sighed and nodded reluctantly. Jongin stuck his bottom lip out. “You won’t argue with me even if I try to offer financial help?” he asked hopefully. Maybe the wine would go right to Kyungsoo’s head and he’d say yes but instead Kyungsoo glared balefully at that. “I will argue with you about that till the day I die if that’s what it takes.”

Jongin pretended to tut at him. “Look at you, getting all aggressive with me already. Fine then, but if you’re in any sort of financial trouble, you’ll tell me, right?” Jongin said. He didn’t want Kyungsoo getting tied up in debt or maybe helping Luhan out with whatever problems his roommate might have when he clearly did not have enough resources even for himself.

“I won’t promise you that, but it’s a tentative yes for now,” Kyungsoo said. That was fine by Jongin. The waitress returned to their table with a tray of their gelato and a bottle of wine, pouring what was left of it into their glasses.

“Should I get the bill now, sir?” she asked Jongin. “In a minute,” Jongin said. She nodded— _curtsied_ for fuck’s sake— curtsied and walked away, breathing heavily for some reason. This was certainly the most ridiculous behavior Jongin had seen from someone who recognized him. If this was how people reacted to _him_ , then how would they react when they realized Jongin was on a date with Kyungsoo? Would they recoil as if he were leprous or give him dirty looks? It was… uncomfortable to think about, to say the least, and Jongin had to give Kyungsoo credit for surviving in this world for so long.

“...Is everything okay, Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s voice suddenly came into focus. He snapped out of it and looked up at Kyungsoo licking chocolate sauce off his upper lip.

“Yeah, just suddenly remembered something I needed to do,” Jongin lied hastily.

“Oh. Do you need to leave now?” Kyungsoo asked, concerned. “No, it’s not important. What were we saying?” Jongin asked.

“I was saying that Luhan told the loan sharks that he found a job someplace else, and that he didn’t want to have anything to do with them anymore. They gave a fight, but Luhan threatened to call the cops on them if they ever tried to harm him or stop him from leaving. But I think they know that Luhan’s just not like that, he’s loyal that way,” Kyungsoo said.

“Oh. Well, that’s good news. I think he’ll enjoy working for Suho; he’s an alright guy and won’t be too much trouble,” Jongin said, picking up his spoon and scooping up some gelato into his mouth.

“I feel like that warranted thanks in person. It was really kind of you to do that, Jongin, I mean you didn’t have to go all the way to get Luhan a job,” Kyungsoo muttered softly.

“What if I said I only did it to impress you?” Jongin asked, lifting an eyebrow and biting his lip at the same time. Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re such a drama queen,” Kyungsoo retorted.

“C’mon, would you have softened up to me any other way? Besides, Luhan means a lot to you, so I just opened the right door for him.”

Kyungsoo just stabbed at his gelato with his ice cream spoon quietly, licking it off his spoon with his tongue. Jongin watched his tongue lap at the cold gelato, and wondered if the day would ever come that Kyungsoo would suck him off.

“So um,” Jongin cleared his throat, stirring his gelato around, “Putting Luhan aside, I also need to know if we’re going to do this… regularly. Do you want to keep this up, hyung, or should we go a little slower?” Jongin asked. It was a question that had been lurking in the back of his mind since he wanted to bang Kyungsoo’s ass. He didn’t know how to go about with this, and Kyungsoo certainly never made any indication that he wanted more than this.

“I think we could do this every weekend if you want,” Kyungsoo said. “You know my schedule, obviously, and I’m always free on weekends. Except for every second Sunday of the month, that’s when Luhan and I clear our schedules and watch anime together,” Kyungsoo added.

“Sounds very 12-year-old of you. Do you watch the usual anime, like Bleach and Naruto?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo huffed at him. “Bleach is not ‘usual’ anime, excuse _you_.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me you think Byakuya is hot,” Jongin said, holding a hand up. Suho and Chanyeol were straight but they both found Byakuya hot; it was most irritating to Jongin.

“Actually, Luhan likes him. A lot. He has a big poster of him behind his door. I’m fine with all the characters in Bleach, but I really like Prince of Tennis,” Kyungsoo said honestly.

There was an awkward silence as Jongin stared at Kyungsoo wordlessly, his spoon in midair.

“W-what?” Kyungsoo asked after an entire minute stretched out.

“Who calls Prince of Tennis his favorite anime?” Jongin croaked. Surely there were more fun things to watch about, like alternate dimensions, magical powers or Japan’s samurai and ninja infested past than fucking _tennis_?

“It’s right up there, I’m telling you, and a close runner up is Free,” Kyungsoo said, nodding as if it was the gospel truth. Jongin took a deep breath and exhaled very slowly. They were _not_ going to go there; Chanyeol had once mentioned that Free (“And it’s ‘ _Free!’_ , Jongin, keep that in mind, it’s not ‘free’ but ‘ _Free_!’” said Chanyeol in Jongin’s mind) was on the verge of yaoi anime and that it was all the rage among teenage girls.

“There’s no real way around this hyung, but… you sound really gay,” Jongin drawled. Kyungsoo glared at him and slapped his arm, at which Jongin laughed hysterically. Do Kyungsoo, 28, a closet homosexual and watches Free in his spare time… Oh, the novelty.

“It’s just anime,” Kyungsoo said defensively, and Jongin backed off. For now. He could tease Kyungsoo about this next time, when he thought this conversation was over and done with.

“Okay, okay, so you’re not free on certain weekends,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo cut in before he could continue, “I don’t mind if you want to go out or have me over on Saturdays though. I-if you want, you could join me and Luhan on Sundays too.” He went red in the face.

Jongin smiled. “That’s very heartwarming to hear, but I don’t want to take away your bonding time with Luhan. It’d be a bore to have me over on those days anyway,” Jongin laughed, finishing up his gelato. Kyungsoo was almost done with his gelato as well, and soon this would be over but Jongin _still_ wasn’t sure if they were going back to his place for round two or if they had to part for now.

“So, Kyungsoo, do you want to go home after this or would you like to take me up on my offer? The apartment’s still open to you, and we can do whatever you want once I get the bill,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo seemed to mull it over in his head.

“I um, enjoyed this, honestly, and I suppose I could come over to keep you company since I don’t know how else to thank you for today,” Kyungsoo shrugged.

“I can think of a way for you to thank me,” Jongin smiled, lifting an eyebrow suggestively. Kyungsoo looked away, putting his spoon down and biting his lips.

“You’re coming over then, hm?”

“I guess.”

Excellent. Jongin waved the waitress over for the last time and paid with his credit card. He dialed up Mr. Lee and told him they were going home, and once he signed the receipt Jongin and Kyungsoo got up to leave the restaurant. There were other people in the restaurant, but none of them seemed to recognize Jongin, except for the staff. They waved to him goodbye and held the door open for him till Kyungsoo and Jongin were standing on the street, waiting for Mr. Lee to get them.

“Are we going to eat out for dinner again?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yeah, unless you don’t mind cooking instant noodles,” Jongin said, secretly pleased that Kyungsoo was thinking about dinner already, but said nothing in case he jinxed it.

“In that case, can we make a detour and get some vegetables? It’s not healthy just eating instant noodles, after all,” Kyungsoo said, running a hand through his hair. His ears were a little pink and Jongin suddenly wondered if the wine at lunch was too much for Kyungsoo.

“Are you feeling dizzy or anything?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo looked up at him and shook his head. “I’m okay. A little warm I think, but that’s all.”

“Okay. Let me know if you need coffee or—damn, what else do you drink if you’re getting too drunk?” Jongin said. Kyungsoo smiled up at him shyly.

“I’ve never been really drunk before, so I don’t know. The wine wasn’t so bad, Jongin, I’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo said, laughing it off. Jongin decided to take his word for it and stared down the street distractedly, trying to think of some place they could get vegetables.

“Where do people usually get vegetables?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo looked at him as if he’d just lost his mind.

“The market. Or supermarket, if you’re feeling fancy. There’s a wet market just a few minutes away, and your driver can park by the sidewalk while I get the ingredients. Do you like squid?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I’ll come with you hyung, wet market sounds slippery and dangerous. Squid sounds great,” Jongin replied, nodding at his question.

“The wet market is probably where I feel most comfortable, Jongin, it’s not that dangerous,” Kyungsoo laughed.

“Why do you think they call it _wet_ market? There must be water everywhere so that must mean it’s easy to slip and fall. I’ll come with you to make sure you don’t fall and crack your head open like an egg, okay? Don’t take it personally, I’m just not ready to find another stalker to bring back to my apartment just yet,” Jongin said, and Kyungsoo nudged at his ribs in retaliation.

“That’s no way to talk to your hyung,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, but Jongin could see he’d won him over. Jongin didn’t think he’d ever seen a wet market up close before anyway, so this would be good for him.

When Mr. Lee arrived, Jongin and Kyungsoo only had to ride for a few minutes as Kyungsoo said before they stopped by a street that looked more like a back alley and smelled like a drain that hadn’t been cleaned in years. It smelt like stinking vegetables, rotting fruits and stale fish but Kyungsoo practically leapt out of the car smiling happily and told Jongin to hurry up as he skipped over to the first few stalls.

“Ooh, the tofu looks so fresh today,” Kyungsoo said excitedly, looking at a very wet tray of wobbling tofu. The road wasn’t even here, with potholes dotting the way while Jongin tried to make his way over to Kyungsoo’s side without spraining an ankle.

“Should we get egg tofu or soybean tofu?” Kyungsoo asked Jongin absently from two feet away.

“Egg!” Jongin yelled, almost slipping on a vegetable leaf. At least it looked like a vegetable leaf; he didn’t want to look too closely to see what it was. He finally slinked his way behind Kyungsoo as he was paying a lady a few coins in exchange for a small plastic of egg tofu.

“Here, hold this,” Kyungsoo said, passing the slightly damp plastic bag to Jongin. He could only hope that he wouldn’t get salmonella or some other virus in his system that could potentially kill him just from being there at the wet and very smelly market.

“Shall we get some kimchi? Egg sounds pretty good too… Jongin, do you have eggs at your place?” Kyungsoo asked, muttering to himself as he walked.

“No, I don’t have anything fresh at home,” Jongin said, wrinkling his nose at a stall selling dried fish and other varieties of dried food.

“Hmm, since I’ll be staying over I should probably get some stuff for tomorrow as well… Ah, chives!” Kyungsoo gasped, and he scampered from stall to stall like that, buying a few items here and there till Jongin’s hands were full, holding bags of bell peppers, fresh kimchi and God only knows what else Kyungsoo thought he needed for today and tomorrow.

It didn’t quite occur to Jongin that Kyungsoo was actually going to stay over till he realized it while Kyungsoo bought fifteen dollars worth of pork belly. The butcher’s shop had red lighting instead of the usual white lights, which made Jongin squint and wonder if he’d go blind if he stood there long enough.

When Kyungsoo paid for the pork and thanked the butcher, Jongin tried to protest but Kyungsoo waved him away.

“The wet market doesn’t take credit cards so you’ll just have to deal with it,” Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin bit back on a remark; Kyungsoo probably brought him here on purpose so that Jongin couldn’t pay for anything… sneaky bastard.

They exited the butcher’s place and Kyungsoo took half of Jongin’s load of bags from him while they started to head back from where they came, counting the money he’d spent carefully in his head. “Twenty dollars, a dollar and sixty, so that makes it twenty one sixty…” he mumbled. Jongin walked with him patiently, looking around but trying not to breathe too deeply.

“Jongin, you do have pots and pans at your place, right?” Kyungsoo suddenly asked as they walked past a shop selling brass pots and other kitchen tools.

“Uh, yeah. A complete set of everything each, yes, unless you need an extra pot or something,” Jongin said, remembering his mother’s housewarming gift of stainless steel kitchen items. He’d never used them before; his mother would probably be disappointed to know that her gift was still in its package, untouched since he moved into his apartment.

“You have more than one pot, right?” Kyungsoo asked flatly. “Ye—Wait, does a sauce pan count as a pot?”

“Yeah. Cool then. I’ll make you dinner when we get back and you don’t have to spend any more money, okay?” Kyungsoo said. The smile on his face was so radiant that Jongin couldn’t find it in himself to protest at that, and he just shrugged. “Sounds great to me,” he said.

-

“Step off,” Kyungsoo said calmly, vacuum cleaner poking and whirring at Jongin’s feet.

“No. Turn off the fucking vacuum cleaner, hyung, it’s so noisy,” Jongin said, rolling his eyes.

“Just a bit more, Jongin, the carpet’s kind of dusty,” Kyungsoo grunted, and Jongin had to move his foot away from where he stood, standing by the doorway of his spare room. Kyungsoo had been vacuuming the entire apartment for the last half hour, and though his place was now free of dust he couldn’t help but feel like he was talking to his cleaning lady.

Kyungsoo had insisted on sprucing the place up a bit by wiping and vacuuming every last, flat surface of Jongin’s apartment, even under the sofa for God’s sake. He said that if Jongin was going to be stubborn on the money thing, then he was going to put his foot down on this matter and clean Jongin’s apartment till it was sparkling bright.

“I like cleaning anyway, ask Luhan about it. I don’t like leaving a mess alone without doing something about it, so you’ll just have to live with it,” Kyungsoo grunted, dragging the vacuum cleaner all over the carpet. Sweat dotted his forehead, but not for the reason Jongin wanted it to be when he was in this room.

“If you want to do the carpet, fine then, just. Vacuuming and no more, okay?” Jongin relented. He never knew people could be this enthusiastic about cleaning all his life.

“I was going to mop the place up though—”

 “ _HYUNG_.”

Kyungsoo pursed his lips and shut up for once. Having assessed his authority over what Kyungsoo could and could not do for the next hour or so, Jongin went back to the kitchen where he was in charge of putting everything in the fridge till later when it was time for dinner. He tied up the tofu bag tightly, flinging it into the deepest part of the fridge in disgust with the pork. It was all just so wet and icky and… _ew_.

Then there were the vegetables, which were much easier to handle. He just took them out and put them all in one big plastic bag before putting them in the drawer below the shelves in the fridge. He had already put aside a packet of dry seaweed and other items that didn’t need to be refrigerated on the counter, as well as arranged five eggs into the little shelf at the door of his fridge so his task was easily done in a matter of minutes. 

Now all he had to do was show Kyungsoo how well he did with the fridge and arranging everything nicely, and then hopefully he can pull Kyungsoo on the sofa to make out with him till dinnertime.

 _Yes, I think there’s time to get recreational_ , Jongin thought with a wicked smile, washing his hands at the sink.

Jongin glanced at the spare room, trying to see if Kyungsoo was done with vacuuming the life out of the carpet yet. It didn’t seem like it, not to Jongin, from the way Kyungsoo was trying to vacuum underneath the daybed by sticking the long head of the vacuum as far as he could while half lying down on the ground.

“That’s it, I’m not going to take this any longer,” Jongin said to no one, going over to the room and pulling the vacuum plug out of the socket from the wall.

Kyungsoo made a confused noise when he realized the vacuum was no longer whining away, and brought himself up from the ground to see what had happened. When he saw Jongin twirling the plug in his hands, Kyungsoo frowned.

“I wasn’t done, Jongin.”

“I know. And you never will be, not unless I pull the plug. Literally,” Jongin said, flinging the plug to the ground. Kyungsoo moved to pick it up but Jongin placed his foot over it.

“Hyung, you’re staying over this weekend to have fun with me, not clean my apartment,” Jongin said flatly. Kyungsoo slapped at his foot repeatedly like it was the root of all evil. “Just—it’s only a little more, Jongin, can’t you leave me alone for another five minutes—”

Jongin pushed Kyungsoo over with his hand, not too hard but with enough force to surprise him and topple him over on his back. Kyungsoo’s breath went out of him in a breathless huff as he hit the ground, the force muffled from the carpet, and he had no chance to regain his breath as Jongin climbed over him and sat down on him, thighs on either side of his waist as he looked down at Kyungsoo.

“I want to make out with you, hyung,” Jongin stated, leaning down to kiss Kyungsoo chastely over the lips.

“Get off, you’re heavy,” Kyungsoo said, no bite in his voice.

“If I do, will you pick up the vacuum cleaner again?” Jongin asked cautiously. He pushed it away from Kyungsoo’s grip just in case he wanted to attack Jongin with it or something.

“No,” Kyungsoo snapped at him, though there was a hint of red on his cheeks. At least he had the grace to feel embarrassed. Jongin smiled and shuffled off of Kyungsoo slowly, sitting on the carpet. Kyungsoo sat up slowly first, and then eyed Jongin and the vacuum carefully.

“Don’t even think about it,” Jongin said warningly, leaning forward to tug Kyungsoo into his lap. Kyungsoo resisted at first, but he was no match for Jongin’s strength. He was dragged over like a rag doll, struggling all the way till Jongin kissed him hard, forcing Kyungsoo’s mouth open to lick at his tongue.

Kyungsoo pushed at Jongin’s chest feebly, his lower half curled over Jongin’s lap and his body held close as Jongin kissed him repeatedly, the small, wet sounds they were making causing Kyungsoo’s cheeks to flare up.

“Stop,” Kyungsoo mumbled, hands going to Jongin’s hair. Jongin noted faintly that Kyungsoo was caressing his hair and pulling at it every time he sucked or nibbled on Kyungsoo’s lip.

“Why would I stop when it’s clear you don’t want me to?” Jongin asked, breaking off to let Kyungsoo breathe. Jongin was on his way to becoming Aquaman very soon; he would give up breathing just to kiss Kyungsoo all year long. Kyungsoo had _such_ soft lips and a very delectable flavor to his mouth, how was Jongin going to stop now that he’d set the ball rolling? Jongin kissed a wet trail down to Kyungsoo’s neck, sucking on his fair skin and leaving a very faint mark near his collarbone.

Kyungsoo held Jongin’s head to his neck, moaning and sighing softly in Jongin’s arms. “Stop because I tell you to,” Kyungsoo said breathlessly.

“But this is what you came for, isn’t it?” Jongin asked, pushing Kyungsoo over once more. He climbed over on top of Kyungsoo, hands snaking under Kyungsoo’s shirt to finger his nipples. “Ah— don’t,” Kyungsoo protested in a high pitched, breathy voice, pushing Jongin’s hand away.

Jongin chuckled at his reaction, kissing his protests away and distracting him while tugging at his nipple very gently, feeling it peak and harden at his touch. Kyungsoo gasped beneath Jongin, legs shifting and moving around helplessly as he tried to writhe his way out of Jongin’s reach.

“Oh, Jongin, p-please,” Kyungsoo begged. Jongin reached his other hand under Kyungsoo’s shirt as well and pulled at both of his nipples, watching him sigh and squirm in pleasure.

“What do you feel, hyung? Do you like it when I do this?” Jongin asked, releasing his hold on Kyungsoo’s nipples to rub his fingertip over the hard peaks. Kyungsoo tried to bring up his hands and push Jongin’s hands away but Jongin quickly held onto Kyungsoo around the ribs and rubbing his thumbs mercilessly over Kyungsoo’s nipples.  

“Yes… Oh _yes_ , I love it,” Kyungsoo mumbled, placing his hands over Jongin’s thumbs under his shirt and pressing down on his chest, trying to push his hands away at the same time.

“How are you, hyung? Are you feeling sore?” Jongin asked, leaning over to bite his earlobe.

 He knew Kyungsoo was probably sore since it was his first time and he wouldn’t be used to being stretched right away, but Jongin couldn’t find it in himself to resist if Kyungsoo was going to be so sensitive to every little touch, every kiss and every bite. He wanted Kyungsoo to moan and scream for him again, fill him up deep and remind him who his body was a slave to.

Kyungsoo didn’t answer right away, lifting his hips up slightly to press against Jongin’s crotch, and he groaned in frustration when he found that Jongin didn’t want to relieve the pressure on his cock at all.

“I’m sore b-but I don’t care, Jongin, I want you,” Kyungsoo said, reaching a hand up to hold Jongin’s cheek.

“You can do what you want to me,” Kyungsoo whispered. Jongin knew he wasn’t exaggerating when he said that from the pure sincerity in his voice.

“I intend to,” Jongin replied, kissing him hard for a moment. “Suck me off,” he ordered softly, taking his hands away from Kyungsoo’s nipples to run them lightly over Kyungsoo’s spine.

Kyungsoo shivered uncontrollably, fingers digging into Jongin’s hair.

“I want to,” he replied shyly, pressing his lips to Jongin’s lower lip.

Jongin smiled at his reply. He loved Kyungsoo’s obedience, particularly because he knew Kyungsoo would only be this docile for Jongin and no one else. Reluctantly, he untangled himself from Kyungsoo, moving to sit on the daybed. It was handy indeed, and he was glad that he thought of getting one.

Kyungsoo crouched at Jongin’s feet, waiting for his command.

“I want you to take my pants off. Then, you’re going to make me come in that pretty mouth of yours, Kyungsoo, and you’ll swallow all of it down. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Jongin asked trailing a finger down his throat, and Kyungsoo nodded eagerly.

“But take off your pants first. I want to see how hard you are before I decide if I’ll let you jerk off while sucking on my cock,” Jongin said when Kyungsoo started unzip his jeans.

He didn’t hesitate, though Kyungsoo’s hands were trembling when he undid his pants. He let his pants sink down to his knees as he slid his thumbs beneath the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down as well, his cock springing up from the constraints, fully hard and shamelessly pointing upwards.

Jongin crooked his finger for him to come closer and Kyungsoo obeyed, shuffling over. Jongin touched his cock, feeling the velvet skin of the cockhead with his fingers. He rubbed his thumb over the slit, enticing a few drops of precome to leak out. Kyungsoo hissed and tensed with pleasure, but Jongin just ignored him, remaining almost clinically blank as he trailed his fingers along the underside of Kyungsoo’s cock. Kyungsoo’s cock twitched at his touch, more precome trickling out; a show of evidence of his desire.

Satisfied, Jongin let go of Kyungsoo’s cock and said, “You can touch yourself while you suck me off for now. What do you say to that?”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo said meekly, going down on his knees. He was going to unbutton Jongin’s jeans when he pushed Kyungsoo away. He looked up at Jongin questioningly but kept silent and started to reach for his cock again. This time, Jongin slapped him across the face, hand stinging as Kyungsoo’s head snapped to one side.

“Hmm, Jongin, hit me again,” Kyungsoo murmured, a red mark appearing over his cheekbone.

“You ask before you put your hands on me,” Jongin lifted his eyebrow, choosing to overlook what Kyungsoo just said. Jongin wanted to be selfish this time, just this once and make Kyungsoo work to pleasure him.

“You’re an unworthy piece of shit, Kyungsoo. Thank me,” Jongin demanded.

“Thank you for subjugating me… May I suck you off, please?” Kyungsoo said politely. Jongin listened, and then nodded, letting Kyungsoo unbutton and unzip his jeans. He let Kyungsoo tug his jeans halfway down his thighs and smiled in amusement when Kyungsoo grunted as he pulled at Jongin’s boxers, trying to reveal as much skin as possible. Jongin’s cock was exposed at least, hard against his stomach. Kyungsoo bit his lip but refrained from touching it.

“Is this alright?” Kyungsoo asked, glancing up at Jongin.

“It is. Do you need help with what to do?” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo thought about it and nodded.

“All you do is…” Jongin lifted Kyungsoo’s chin up by a fraction of an inch and slid two fingers into his mouth. “Suck hard and pull like this with your mouth,” Jongin said, sticking his fingers in and out over Kyungsoo’s wet tongue.

“Take as much as you can down your throat,” Jongin instructed. Kyungsoo swallowed around Jongin’s fingers and it went down partly in his throat. He waited patiently, nostrils flaring, and Jongin pulled out after a few seconds, trailing his wet fingers over Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Good. Resist your gag reflex for as long as you can, and remember to use your tongue a lot. Oh yes, no teeth as well,” Jongin added. “Or I’ll leave you hard all day.”

“I’ll do my best,” Kyungsoo promised, kissing Jongin’s fingertips. “I know you will,” Jongin said, smiling gently at him.

“Can I… touch your cock? Please?” Kyungsoo asked breathlessly. “Yes,” Jongin whispered. He held his breath in anticipation as Kyungsoo took his cock with tentative fingers, holding it like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.

He closed his eyes when Kyungsoo placed it in his mouth, careful not to scrape his teeth against Jongin’s cock. Kyungsoo’s mouth was warm and wet, more so than Jongin had ever imagined. Jongin had thought that kissing Kyungsoo was the closest to cloud nine, but this. _This_ felt like bliss; sin and heaven all at once, and he wanted to fuck his mouth already, force his cock down his throat and choke him with his come.

Kyungsoo sucked as Jongin told him to, sucking noisily on his cockhead and tonguing at the slit. Jongin wanted to buck into Kyungsoo’s mouth badly but resisted the urge, digging his hand into Kyungsoo’s hair and panting heavily.

“You’re doing good, Kyungsoo, take it all in,” Jongin sighed, looking down at Kyungsoo sucking hard on his cock. His lips were glistening red with spit and Jongin’s precome, and he looked like a beautiful mess with Jongin’s cock in his mouth. Jongin coaxed him on gently as he took a deep breath and moved forward to take more of Jongin’s cock down his throat.

He let it slide in till Jongin could feel his cock hitting the back of Kyungsoo’s throat and jerked, tugging on Kyungsoo’s hair. He moaned, sending vibrations along the length of Jongin’s cock and set Jongin’s blood on fire.

Breathing through his nose, Kyungsoo slowly took more of Jongin’s cock into his mouth, throat swallowing around his thick length instinctively. Tears started to dot his eyes as he tried to resist his gag reflex and he placed a hand at the base of Jongin’s cock, stopping for a moment to catch his breath.

“Relax, Kyungsoo, and go slow. We have all the time you need to make me come,” Jongin crooned. Kyungsoo’s throat felt amazing around his cock and he couldn’t wait till Kyungsoo took the rest of his cock into his mouth and really suck him off like that, all filthy and dirty.

Hand shaking at the base of Jongin’s cock, Kyungsoo started to move once more. With his wet mouth, he pushed Jongin’s cock slowly down his throat. Jongin gripped his hair, the pleasure almost too much for him to take as Kyungsoo’s throat swallowed thickly. He gasped loudly on the daybed when Kyungsoo finally took it all in, his nose pressed to the thatch of hair at Jongin’s crotch.

Kyungsoo whimpered and made small noises around Jongin’s cock, his tongue sliding around Jongin’s length inside his mouth. Jongin couldn’t resist any longer and thrust his hips gently into Kyungsoo’s mouth just once, a spurt of precome shooting down Kyungsoo’s throat when Jongin’s cock slid in that much deeper into the slick heat of Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Kyungsoo gagged at that, his gag reflex finally kicking in, and he pulled off, coughing to the side. His face turned red quickly, so Jongin waited till his fit was over and Kyungsoo continued from where he left off.

“Take it all in,” Jongin said decisively. Kyungsoo was perhaps a touch inexperienced, so he’d help this time. Kyungsoo was doing rather well though, and Jongin was sure he’d do even better as time passed.  

Barely choking on his cock this time, Kyungsoo started to swallow him down almost greedily. He stopped right before he reached the hilt of Jongin’s cock and hummed, taking Jongin’s hand and pressing it to his head while he let Jongin’s cock slide in and out of his mouth obscenely.

It was what Jongin had been waiting for, possibly since the day he met Kyungsoo, and he loved the sensation of pushing hard on Kyungsoo’s head onto his cock and thrusting into his mouth at the same time. He managed to thrust three times into his mouth before Kyungsoo pulled off with a low cry, like a cat in heat and jerked his cock off with his hand.

“Jongin, do it again, please, I liked it when you fucked my mouth,” Kyungsoo begged. Growling, Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s head forward and he took Jongin’s cock into his mouth once more obediently.

He didn’t wait for Kyungsoo to swallow him completely, just waited till he had half his cock into Kyungsoo’s mouth before thrusting roughly into his mouth, heat blossoming in his groin as pleasure flooded his veins.

It felt like an adrenaline rush as Kyungsoo hummed as best as he could around Jongin’s cock, trying to get him to come with his mouth alone. Jongin felt like he was pushed over the edge of sanity when Kyungsoo swallowed hard around his cock just once, because it was difficult for him to breathe.

Kyungsoo tried to tongue at Jongin’s cock experimentally while he thrust into his mouth, and was rewarded with Jongin coming almost at once, very suddenly and deep in his throat. He swallowed and lapped it all up hungrily, milking Jongin’s cockhead by sucking hard on it.

A tremor shook Jongin violently, hips bucking into Kyungsoo’s mouth erratically till his orgasm stretched out into another one and come splattered all over Kyungsoo’s face, droplets scattered over his abused cheekbone and lips.

Kyungsoo tried to catch all of his come with his mouth and tasted salt with a slight bitter undertone. It was filthy but almost delicious regardless, since it was Jongin’s come and he had worked for this, had given Jongin an orgasm for the first time. Victory and a sense of satisfaction swept Kyungsoo in a haze, and he jerked himself off once more, trying to come as well.

“You… did you…?” Jongin asked, dropping limply on the daybed.

“No,” Kyungsoo replied, wincing as he tried to come as well. “No?” Jongin repeated. He sat up once more and reached down to finger Kyungsoo’s cock, pushing at the foreskin and teasing Kyungsoo’s slit incessantly.

“You did very well, Kyungsoo, won’t you come for me like a good boy you are?” Jongin whispered in Kyungsoo’s ear.

“I’m so hard it hurts,” Kyungsoo whined back, and Jongin kissed his cheek gently, promising him that he’d fuck him hard as a reward for sucking him off so well. It made Kyungsoo long for Jongin’s cock inside him again, stretching him open and he felt his cock pulse before he came with a strangled cry, arching his back into Jongin’s touch.

-

Jongin sat at the counter, smiling in amusement. It was almost ten p.m. now and outside, Seoul was lit up with a thousand colorful lights against a black backdrop. In Jongin’s apartment, there was the smell of kimchi lingering in the air, the sound of music floating from Jongin’s music system and Do Kyungsoo standing in the kitchen with no pants on, chopping garlic like a fucking Masterchef.

He was actually genuinely surprised when he woke up less than an hour ago to find Kyungsoo still sleeping in his arms. After that rather intense blowjob in the evening, Jongin had dragged himself and Kyungsoo into his bedroom to take a short but pleasant nap.

He’d never orgasmed more than twice in one day, and coming three times in the span of less than ten hours was strenuous, exciting though it was. Jongin had not really expected Kyungsoo to stay, or maybe it was just hard to believe that someone else was sharing his space, but when he suddenly woke up in the darkness of his bedroom, he could still see the outline of Kyungsoo’s sleeping body; he hadn’t moved an inch, except to stick his thumb into his mouth.

When he woke Kyungsoo up after staring at his sleeping face for ten minutes, Kyungsoo had shot up in bed like an electrocuted dead body and said in a choked voice, “I haven’t made dinner,” which was how Kyungsoo ended up standing in Jongin’s kitchen with no bottoms, Jongin sneaking glances at his cute ass every five seconds. He had to rip out his pots and pans from their packaging while Kyungsoo hurried over without giving too much thought about what he was (or was not) wearing till he realized it was a bit too airy down there.

“Jongin, can you pass me the lettuce from the fridge? I need to wash it now,” Kyungsoo murmured without turning around. Jongin hopped off the stool and opened the fridge, taking the vegetable bag out and digging for the lettuce. When he found it, Jongin went over to Kyungsoo and placed his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, holding the lettuce in front of him.

“You should really get some pants on before you cut your dick off while cooking,” he whispered in Kyungsoo’s ear.

“Put the lettuce in the sink,” Kyungsoo replied dryly. Moving away, Jongin dropped the lettuce in the sink and returned to put his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder once more. He supposed this was how parrots felt like when they were perched on their owner’s shoulder; not very high up but still a little cozy.

“No one’s ever cooked for me before,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo went on chopping at some leek, putting it aside to cook in the stew later.

“Not even your mom?” Kyungsoo asked.

“She doesn’t cook,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo made a noise in his throat and moved on to chopping up an onion, slicing it up expertly as only an experienced cook can do. “You’re good at cooking,” Jongin commented, “And also sucking me off.”

Kyungsoo turned around and glared at him, stabbing Jongin’s side with a finger. “Go away, you’re embarrassing.”

“It was a real compliment. Should I have minced the words around instead?” Jongin laughed, stealing a kiss from Kyungsoo. “No. You could’ve… kept that piece of information to yourself,” Kyungsoo muttered, blushing as he returned to his task at hand.

“I’ll get you your pants. Don’t slice your dick off, okay?” Jongin chuckled. It was a pity that Kyungsoo couldn’t cook without any pants on, but Jongin was more concerned with his safety than the view he was getting right now… _Wait_ , _speaking of the view_ , his thoughts did a double take.

Sure, he couldn’t keep the lovely view of Kyungsoo’s pink ass for now but he could certainly take a page out of Kyungsoo’s book (more like Kyungsoo’s guide on how to stalk somebody for three years without them realizing anything) and snap a photo of it on his phone.

 _Could set it as my wallpaper too, for good memories_ , Jongin thought. Kyungsoo was still cutting things up at the kitchen, unaware of the devious plan that unfurled in Jongin’s head. _It’s now or never_ , Jongin thought. He quickly snatched up Kyungsoo’s pants from the spare room and dug for his phone in his own jeans’ pocket, tapping on the little camera on the screen and moving quietly to the door, where Kyungsoo was visible from his position at the stove.

He didn’t notice anything still, so Jongin snapped away the minute Kyungsoo stood at the sink to wash something, his ass in full view. One angle was not enough, of course, as Jongin learned from Kyungsoo. Then he walked out of the room and headed towards the kitchen, pretending to look at his phone while snapping at least eight photos of the back of Kyungsoo’s figure, his white skin marked with pink lines glowing under the glare of the lights in Jongin’s apartment.

“Here’re your pants,” Jongin said distractedly, holding it up for him. “Oh,” Kyungsoo dried his hands on a washcloth and took it from him, putting it on quickly.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Jongin asked, looking through the photos. They came out alright, so he made a note to look at them properly later. Kyungsoo didn’t know anything, so he just said, “Wash the rest of these lettuce leaves while I start cooking the stew. And do you have rice?” Kyungsoo asked.

“What? No, I told you I don’t have anything fresh here,” Jongin said, putting his phone on the counter. Kyungsoo sighed, buttoning up his pants and taking a bowl of kimchi to the stove.

“You should’ve said ‘I don’t have anything at all’,” he grumbled. “I can get some delivered to us,” Jongin said, rolling up his sleeves.

“It’s okay, is there a mart nearby?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yes, but I’m not going to let you leave in case you decide to run away. Besides, it’s late. I can get my driver to buy some hot rice for us from a takeout place,” Jongin said, washing his hands under the tap and then picking up a large lettuce leaf, letting the cold water run over it.

“I can’t run away, I’m halfway cooking here,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“What if you decide to be cruel and leave me here with fresh ingredients and chopped vegetables? What then?” Jongin asked. What the fuck would he do with the fresh ingredients? He couldn’t even fry an egg without burning it into a black, crispy mess.

“I dunno, put them all in the fridge and wait till morning for your cleaning lady to cook something for you?” Kyungsoo said, laughing.

For the next hour, Jongin ‘helped’ Kyungsoo to make dinner before midnight. Apparently, he was too slow at washing up the vegetables. Jongin thought he was being very careful to wash the lettuce leaves and whatnot with lots of water, but Kyungsoo said that all he had to do was make sure there wasn’t any dirt and it’d be considered clean enough for consumption. That didn’t sound very safe to him but he was pushed to putting the plates and cutlery out instead, partly because Kyungsoo didn’t know where he kept everything.

When Kyungsoo started to fry the pork belly on the pan, he told Jongin to make the call and get rice over quickly before everything got cold. Since it was late by then and way past the dinner rush hour, hot rice arrived in fifteen minutes or so, just in time for Kyungsoo to plate everything up and declare “Dinner is served.” Jongin insisted that they finish his half full bottle of wine from this afternoon together over dinner.

Kyungsoo’s food tasted good, as Jongin expected. It was very homey and reminded him of his younger days when he lived with his parents and they’d eat dinner together at the dining table, the food prepared by a cook who’d been working for Jongin’s family for years. But of course, that was different from now. Perhaps he was biased, since it was Kyungsoo cooking and he’d never fucked someone and then let them cook for him before.

When dinner was over, Kyungsoo shooed him away to clean up the kitchen because Jongin was too crap at washing up to do any form of cleaning. Jongin was reduced to watching TV for an entire hour at his sofa, waiting for Kyungsoo to come over once he was done. The little figures on his television scuttled and ran around almost comically as Jongin’s mind slowly drifted away, going blank till suddenly Kyungsoo dropped on the sofa beside him, leaning heavily on Jongin.

“What are you watching?” Kyungsoo asked tiredly.

“Nothing, I wasn’t paying attention,” Jongin said, putting an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulders and pulling him close. Kyungsoo sighed, his face damp with sweat. It was probably a combination of the day’s activities and the wine from lunch and dinner, because he looked worn out and in desperate need of a pillow and blankets soon.

“I’m so tired, Jongin, do you mind if I—”

“No, it’s okay, we can go to bed now if you want. It’s almost one a.m. anyway,” Jongin replied, turning off the television with his remote.

“I really don’t mean to go to bed now, I’m just really tired today,” Kyungsoo sighed. Jongin wasn’t such a lightweight and could hold his alcohol much better than Kyungsoo, but he was a little knackered as well.

“I’m sort of tired too so it’s alright. Do you want to shower first so you can sleep?” Jongin asked, pulling Kyungsoo up by the arms. 

“I guess. I’m sorry I can’t do anything else for you,” Kyungsoo apologized, standing up reluctantly and shuffling to the bedroom with Jongin. “Don’t be sorry. It’s your first time anyway, and I wasn’t expecting you to last a whole 24 hours without feeling tired at some point,” Jongin said, patting his hand.

Sending Kyungsoo into the bathroom to take a shower, Jongin went outside to turn off all the lights and take his phone from the kitchen. Kyungsoo had cleaned up really well; there wasn’t a waft of grease in the air and his kitchen looked exactly as it did before they started cooking. _No wonder he’s so tired_ , Jongin thought. Kyungsoo had taken far too much effort in cleaning up.

 _Maybe I’ll reward him tomorrow if he’s around long enough_ , Jongin thought, a secret smile on his mouth as he went back into his room and shut the door behind him. He could hear water running from the bathroom and flung himself on the bed, turning the air conditioning on and drawing the curtains to get ready for bed.

He was trying to think of something to do so it wouldn’t seem as if he was waiting for Kyungsoo when he came out from the bathroom and suddenly remembered that he had taken quite a few interesting photos some time ago.

 _Let’s see how the photos turned out_ , Jongin thought wickedly, unlocking his phone and tapping on ‘gallery’. The photos popped out almost at once and he looked through them, admiring the color of Kyungsoo’s skin on his phone. If possible, it looked two to three shades lighter than usual, and it made Kyungsoo look like a cooking angel in Jongin’s kitchen.

 _Oh ho, this is_ very _wallpaper worthy_ , Jongin thought in appreciation. In fact, it was worth printing as well, but that would have to wait till Monday when he could bring his phone and connect to the computer and printer in his office. Regardless, the photos were _so_ gonna be his phone’s wallpaper, judging looks from Kyungsoo and his friends be damned.

He switched his phone off when Kyungsoo emerged from the shower wearing the same outfit he had on before he went in. Jongin gave him an appraising look as he stepped into the room awkwardly, his towel draped over his arm.

“Where do I um, sleep? On the couch?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin snapped out of his thoughts and replied without thinking, “Here, of course.”

Kyungsoo frowned at him. “Here? On the ground? You have a spare mattress I can lay out?” he asked. Jongin rolled his eyes and got out of bed to take his hand, leading him to the bed. “You are sleeping here. On my bed. We already did that just now so it’s fine. You can turn out the lights and sleep first if you want to.”

“B-but I’ve never shared a bed with someone before—”

“And I’ve shared a bed with two sisters before. Two teenage sisters at the time, might I add and they weren’t kind to me in their sleep either. You alone can’t be as bad as two sisters with a habit of kicking around in their sleep,” Jongin said, pushing him down to make sit at the end of the bed.

“No but, what if I get into your space or I take too much of the blankets?” Kyungsoo protested. “I don’t think we’ll be using the blankets; it’s kinda warm today,” Jongin remarked. Looking around desperately for an excuse, Kyungsoo said, “What if I wake you up with my snoring?”

Jongin lifted an eyebrow. “You snore?”

“Sometimes. What if I wake you up and you can’t sleep?”

“I’ll kick you so then we’ll _both_ be awake, simple. Look, just lie down and go to sleep okay, don’t worry about me,” Jongin said. Sharing a bed with Kyungsoo on a king sized bed would obviously be different; it was unlikely they would disturb each other by kicking or moving around too much.

And as an afterthought, Jongin went to his closet and grabbed the simplest clothes he could find, throwing it over to Kyungsoo on the bed.

“What is this?” Kyungsoo asked, lifting an eyebrow. Jongin had thrown a t-shirt and one of his fancier training pants; but it was alright, he didn’t mind if there were crinkles.

“For you to put on. Don’t tell me you plan on sleeping in the exact same outfit you wore when you came over?”

“I do intend to do so,” Kyungsoo replied, picking up his clothes very slowly.

“It’s okay, just admit you forgot to bring pajamas and that’s settled,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo tried to protest, but Jongin was already closing the bathroom door.

His bathroom regime wasn’t very complicated; he didn’t take very long to shower, mostly just soaping himself up and washing it all off in less than five minutes. Jongin washed his face at the sink, brushed his teeth and applied a bit of moisturizer; his skin could get a bit dry under the air conditioning sometimes. Then he noticed Kyungsoo’s small case of toiletries and he poked around a bit, checking out his toothbrush, his toothpaste and face wash. There was nothing special about his toiletries, so he put it aside after sating his curiosity.  

Outside, his room was silent as he put on his clothes hanging behind the door. Jongin couldn’t tell if Kyungsoo was already asleep or if his walls were just too thick to hear anything.

Nevertheless, he stepped out less than fifteen minutes later in drab track bottoms and a different black tank top, peeking at Kyungsoo on the bed. For someone who claimed to have never shared a bed with someone before, Kyungsoo certainly fell asleep rather quickly. The lights were turned off already, except for the lamp on the dresser. He smiled to himself, padding over to charge his phone and pat Kyungsoo gently.

“Good night,” he said softly. He was ridiculously pleased when he noticed Kyungsoo was wearing his clothes. Turning out the final light, Jongin climbed into bed too and kept a distance from Kyungsoo in case he wasn’t the sort to share his space easily. He wanted to spoon Kyungsoo, but just pouted and pressed his face into the pillow.

It took a while for Jongin to fall asleep. He was pretty knackered but he couldn’t help but recall all he’d done with and to Kyungsoo earlier that day. It was fun in every sense of the word and he wanted to have _more_ fun with Kyungsoo in the future. He hoped Kyungsoo would feel the same too, in the morning. There were a lot of things Jongin thought he could do to Kyungsoo, if he was willing. 

Jongin smiled at the thought of Kyungsoo coming over like clockwork every weekend. It didn’t sound like a bad idea at all.


	11. I know who I am alone (I'm something else when I'm with you)

When the sun shone through the curtains and warmed Jongin’s face, his first thought was _wow, the bed feels_ really _nice today_.

It was all warm and cozy as he breathed slowly, his mind coming into steady focus. He didn’t quite understand why but he felt happy somehow, and he’d only just woken up. _Feels nice to wake up in a good mood for once_ , Jongin thought. Mornings like these didn’t come very often.

It didn’t quite occur to him why his bed was so warm and the rest of him was cool and airy when his pillow was suddenly tugged away from him, ruining his good mood. He grappled for his pillow once more and came in contact with something smooth and warm.

“Don’t wanna wake up yet,” Jongin muttered, refusing to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes then it was over; he’d never fall back sleep. His pillow stopped moving at once. He hugged it back to himself, smiling as he cuddled back something else that smelled familiar. It smelt of shampoo, an underlying hint of sweat and _someone_ , a certain someone whom he’d sniffed not too long ago.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin mumbled.

“It’s hyung to you,” Kyungsoo’s voice muttered in reply. Yesterday suddenly came back to Jongin at the sound of his voice, dinner at home for the first time, fucking Kyungsoo over the daybed and lunch at four in the afternoon with Kyungsoo…

“You’re on my side of the bed, hm?” Jongin muttered, trying not to open his mouth too widely in case of morning breath.

“Excuse you, you’re on _my_ side of the bed… not that I have a side ‘cause it’s your bed, um,” Kyungsoo said, sounding indignant and then quietly embarrassed. Jongin snuggled closer, his face pressed into Kyungsoo’s hair and his leg hooked around Kyungsoo’s lower half.

“Mm,” Jongin hummed eloquently, squeezing Kyungsoo closer to himself. He liked how Kyungsoo was so warm and—and huggable. It was like sleeping with a live teddy bear, except that Kyungsoo wasn’t furry and he wasn’t stuffed full with cotton. Jongin wondered if he’d rolled all the way to Kyungsoo’s side and slept with him like this the whole night; perhaps his subconscious had craved a warm body to cuddle with. He’d never done much of this before, but it certainly felt nice, to be cozy against someone else.

“We should get up soon,” Kyungsoo said softly, almost dreamily. He didn’t _sound_ like he wanted to get up.

“Let’s just sleep in today, hyung. I’m sure you’re all sore from yesterday,” Jongin replied, laying his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo reached up a tentative hand to mess Jongin’s hair up. He didn’t mind, allowing a few strands to fall into his eyes as he inhaled Kyungsoo’s scent. There was something so sweet about his scent, like body wash and fabric softener.

“I’m not that sore actually. I think a night’s rest did me good. Should I make you breakfast?” Kyungsoo asked distractedly, running his fingers through Jongin’s hair.

“You can but… I want to sleep in today,” Jongin said. He wasn’t too eager on getting up just yet; Sundays were made for sleeping in, in Jongin’s humble (but right) opinion. “Don’t you sleep in on Sundays, hyung?” Jongin asked blearily.

Then he remembered something Kyungsoo had said the day before. “Oh right, I bet you watch anime on Sundays,” Jongin added.

“Well, no, it’s just that particular Sunday of each month… No, I don’t usually sleep in ‘cause I have chores to do. Like cleaning, and cooking for my hungry roommate.”

Jongin snorted, “You sound like his housewife.”

Kyungsoo laughed lightly under his breath, turning to look at Jongin. “I like cleaning,” he shrugged, sounding matter-of-fact.

“Maybe you have OCD, hyung. Maybe you should be my maid and I’ll pay for your services by…” Jongin’s hand drifted down to Kyungsoo’s crotch, where he palmed him through his pants, “servicing _you_.”

Kyungsoo whimpered once, squirming away from Jongin. “I-I need to brush my teeth first,” he mumbled, face turning red.

“Oh come on, don’t be such a little girl,” Jongin rolled his eyes, using his fingers to caress Kyungsoo’s length and balls. Since they were awake now and Kyungsoo claimed he wasn’t feeling sore… Kyungsoo slapped a hand over his mouth, a muffled cry escaping as Jongin felt him up. Jongin tsked at him and took Kyungsoo’s hand away from his mouth, using his own hand to rub at Kyungsoo’s length gently.

“Stop, J-Jongin, it’s early in the morning—”

“Well, you were the one who said that we should be up by now,” Jongin remarked, climbing over Kyungsoo to sit on him heavily.

“But really, don’t you think we should brush our teeth first?” Kyungsoo asked meekly, catching Jongin’s hands and lacing their fingers together so that he wouldn’t try anything else. Jongin frowned.

“I brushed my teeth last night…”

“You’re supposed to brush your teeth every morning!” Kyungsoo replied indignantly.

“I know. But I’ve got something better to do than brush my teeth… I want to do you. Do Kyungsoo, to be exact,” Jongin smiled, sniggering at his own joke as he leaned down to kiss Kyungsoo on the mouth. He let Jongin kiss him long enough to fool him into thinking he was over the hygiene thing before he broke off and said pleadingly, “Please Jongin, can we at least brush our teeth and we can come back to do this?”

Jongin sighed heavily, sitting straight to narrow his eyes at Kyungsoo.

“Fine then. Run along and brush your teeth while I go get the lube from the other room,” he said tetchily. Kyungsoo sighed in relief, pushing Jongin off of him none too kindly to hurry into the bathroom.

 _Is my breath that bad?_ Jongin thought. He huffed an exhale against the back of his hand and sniffed; he couldn’t smell anything in particular. _Whatever then_ , Jongin made a face. He could already hear Kyungsoo brushing his teeth furiously, even from where he was sitting on the bed so he had to hurry if he wanted to get this done with Kyungsoo.

Throwing his bedroom door open, Jongin was greeted by his cleaning lady sweeping the floor. Was his apartment _so_ dusty that _everyone_ felt the need to clean his place for him? “Morning, sir,” she said conversationally to him.

“Hey,” he called back, walking to the spare room to grab his bottle of lube.

His cleaning lady was specifically forbidden from cleaning his spare room, and though she might have guesses on what Jongin was using the room for, she had no real idea of knowing unless she wanted to risk getting fired and open the door. Nonetheless, she had been working for him for quite some time now and there’d been nothing remotely about who or what he’s been doing in his private time so Jongin had to assume she didn’t mouth off very much.

“I have a guest staying over today. You don’t have to clean my room for now, at least till I’m out,” Jongin said to her, shutting the door of the spare room behind him.

“Alright,” she replied, sweeping small bits of dirt into a dustpan. Satisfied that he wouldn’t be disturbed, Jongin went back into his room, locking the door for extra measure and skipped to his bathroom where Kyungsoo stood waiting patiently.

He was about to sweep Kyungsoo into a deep kiss and fuck him senseless on the marble bathroom floor then and there, but Kyungsoo suddenly pushed him quite hard with both hands and snatched something up from the sink. Jongin thought it was a knife at first and that maybe this was how he was going to die, horny and cock half hard with his mouth sliced up like the Joker, but when he felt the object in his mouth brush over his teeth, Jongin gave Kyungsoo a withering look.

“You’re so nasty, Jongin, you can’t expect us to have sex in the morning without brushing your teeth,” Kyungsoo scolded, brushing his teeth like how a mother would do for her four-year-old kid.

Jongin stood still without moving; if Kyungsoo wanted him to brush his teeth then he could do it himself, he wasn’t going to help him _at all_ when Kyungsoo was being this ridiculous. Kyungsoo realized Jongin wasn’t going to brush his own teeth when he stopped after a minute, Jongin’s mouth half full with blue foam.

“Do I really have to do this for you?” Kyungsoo asked, looking at Jongin.

“You’re the one who wanted to brush my teeth, you do it,” Jongin snapped, with much difficulty around the toothbrush. Kyungsoo pursed his lips but went on with determination, brushing Jongin’s teeth for a few minutes before he told him to spit into the sink.

Jongin rinsed his mouth off and gargled a bit (in case Kyungsoo decided to complain about his breath next), setting the bottle of lube down beside the sink. Kyungsoo made a disgusted sound in his throat when he put Jongin’s toothbrush under the running water, using his thumb to wash the suds away from the bristles. After dabbing his mouth dry with his shirt, Jongin turned to look at Kyungsoo.

“Am I clean enough now? Or do you want me to wash my face and take a long shower first?” Jongin asked, sounding harsher than he intended to. Still, Kyungsoo looked somewhat apologetic and clasped his hands together.

“I was afraid you’d find my breath a little gnarly,” Kyungsoo muttered.

“Well. Since you’re in a very giving mood this morning and you’ve put me off considerably long enough, why don’t you do all the work today?” Jongin said, picking up the bottle of lube and pressing it into Kyungsoo’s hand.

Kyungsoo looked up at him in confusion. “You’re going to ride me today. And I’ll make you wish you didn’t take so long to brush my teeth,” Jongin said softly, kissing his cheek. Brushing past a stiff Kyungsoo, Jongin placed the lid over the toilet bowl and sat on it, spreading his legs. “Come on over then. We haven’t got long before you’ll start to insist that you have to go home soon,” Jongin said, feigning boredom.

Kyungsoo obeyed reluctantly, chewing his lip nervously. “May I take off your pants?” he asked obediently. Jongin nodded, reaching up to brush his fingers over Kyungsoo’s bruise on his cheekbone. He shivered at that, getting down on his knees to tug at Jongin’s pants.

“Do you think you deserve to come after you so rudely attacked with a toothbrush?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo exposed his boxers, flipping the waistband over to tug it down his thighs. Jongin lifted his hips to let his pants and boxers slide all the way down to his feet, watching Kyungsoo carefully.   

“With all due respect, I was doing it for both our benefits,” Kyungsoo replied calmly, sounding a tiny bit annoyed. But that was something Jongin knew he’d change soon; he was going to make Kyungsoo beg for forgiveness this time.

“Take off your pants now, Kyungsoo. Make me hard and then put it in yourself,” Jongin instructed. Kyungsoo nodded briefly, pulling Jongin’s pants off of himself and setting it aside. When he took off his boxers, Jongin saw that he was fully hard, the cockhead flushed red already.

 _Ah, so he likes this_ , Jongin thought with a secret smile. Kyungsoo seemed to enjoy this reprimand and punishment at some level, despite looking irritated with Jongin. Using the lube, Kyungsoo began to slick Jongin’s cock with his hands, rubbing his length slowly. Jongin wasn’t quite hard but he got there very quickly as he felt Kyungsoo’s fingers on his cock, stroking him nice and slow. He groaned, fisting Kyungsoo’s hair as he gently fingered the tip of his cock.

“Is this alright?” Kyungsoo asked huskily, looking up at Jongin for a response.

“Yes,” Jongin said, caressing his cheek. “Now turn around and put two fingers up your ass,” he said, brushing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s lower lip.

Silently, Kyungsoo turned around, squeezing more lube onto his hand and bracing a hand on the wall in front of him to reach behind himself. The pink lines from yesterday had faded, but there was still a streak of pink here and there. He slid a finger in at first, sighing at the stretch. He slid his finger in and out a few times, bending over as he moaned in pleasure. “Add another,” Jongin said, watching his fingers disappear into his tight entrance, his oh-so-tight and greedy little ass.

Kyungsoo hissed and dropped his head once his two fingers were inside him, stretching his entrance by spreading his fingers open and giving Jongin a lovely view of his slick ass.

“Come over and put it in now,” Jongin ordered. He didn’t want Kyungsoo to enjoy this too much; that’d be far too easy. Kyungsoo pulled his fingers out with a wet sound, shuddering as he stumbled backwards and sat on Jongin’s lap clumsily, breathing heavy.

“Put it in, Kyungsoo. Put it in and tell me how much you want my cock inside you,” Jongin whispered in his ear. Kyungsoo keened piteously, half standing on trembling knees to readjust his position and reach for Jongin’s cock. Jongin leaned forward encouragingly, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s hip.

“I want your cock, Jongin, I do,” Kyungsoo whimpered, placing the tip of his cock at his ass and pressing backwards, crying out incoherently as Jongin’s cock breached his entrance.

Jongin watched Kyungsoo’s ass suck his cock in breathlessly, watched every inch of his cock disappear into Kyungsoo’s ass and felt him sit on his lap, hands gripping the sides of the toilet bowl tightly. It was all the way in now, and Jongin could hardly breathe from how tight Kyungsoo was, so gloriously tight he felt like his cock would burst any second already, and they hadn’t even gotten to the fun part yet.

“Move,” Jongin bit out, running his fingers deep into Kyungsoo’s soft hair and tugged backwards mercilessly. Kyungsoo almost went off balance, but he leaned forward just in time and gasped loudly, his fingers skittering across the smooth surface of the toilet bowl to get a grip.

“Tell me you own me, Jongin,” he breathed, moving his hips back and forth on Jongin’s lap. His cock slid out of his ass with a wet squelch and slid right back in with a similar noise. It sounded filthy and obscene and Kyungsoo loved it, threw his head back while humping Jongin’s cock with quiet sighs.

“I own you,” Jongin growled, placing both hands on Kyungsoo’s chest and felt for his nipples through his shirt. “I own every inch of you and you’ll never forget how it feels when I’m inside you, fucking your ass wide open.”

Kyungsoo moved a little faster at that, trying to reach his orgasm but Jongin made him go slow, forcing him to ride his cock at a slow, almost painful pace.

“Jongin, p-please, I can’t,” Kyungsoo whispered, ass squeezing around Jongin’s cock as he begged.

“Nope. You don’t get to come till I say so,” Jongin said, tugging Kyungsoo closer. His feet dangled an inch above the ground, and he tried to hook his legs around Jongin’s to lift himself up and drop down harder on his lap. Jongin tutted at his desperation, his cock hitting Kyungsoo’s prostrate when he moved further back on Jongin’s lap.

Kyungsoo shuddered uncontrollably, moaning loudly as he tried to hit that spot again. “J-Jongin please, help me…”

“This is what you get when you try to resist me, you know,” Jongin whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Kyungsoo’s neck. He was sweaty now, and Jongin was starting to feel hot as well, though he wasn’t going to let Kyungsoo come so soon. He could tell Kyungsoo was close from the way his ass clenched down on him sporadically, his hips moving a little sloppier than a minute ago.

“ _Ah_ —I won’t do it again, I promise,” Kyungsoo said breathily. But Jongin wasn’t done yet.

“No, you will because you like it when I punish you, don’t you?” Jongin asked, tugging on his hair again, forcing Kyungsoo to arch his back while his ass pushed onto Jongin’s cock, his ass brushing against Jongin’s balls.

“N….no, I won’t, I swear, Jongin, I’ll be your good boy,” Kyungsoo whined, shifting around uncomfortably. One of his hands drifted down as if he wanted to touch himself, but Jongin caught it and tugged on his hair brutally, pulling him all the way back till Kyungsoo was leaning on Jongin’s shoulder and his cock pointed helplessly upwards. His hips stopped moving and Jongin thrust into him, barking at him to continue.

“Please, Jongin, I want to come,” Kyungsoo begged, hands reaching helplessly to grasp at Jongin’s shoulders while he bounced on Jongin’s lap without any rhythm. Jongin took Kyungsoo’s cock into his hand, squeezing the head cruelly.

“What did you say?” Jongin asked lightly.

“I want to come, I need to come, Jongin, _fuck_ —can I come, please?” Kyungsoo shouted. Placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s waist to hold him still, Jongin circled his hips to press his cock into every part of Kyungsoo, rolling his hips gently and was rewarded by precome leaking over his fingers.

“Do you promise to be a good boy?” Jongin asked.

“Y-yes, yes I’ll be anything you want me to be,” Kyungsoo said helplessly, eyes closed as he tried to move against Jongin’s cock, but his thighs were too sweaty to hump on Jongin’s lap properly.

“Then come for me and scream my name, make me believe how sorry you are,” Jongin said, releasing Kyungsoo’s cock.

Kyungsoo bounced on Jongin’s cock a few more times, milking it to bring himself to orgasm and came loudly, keening Jongin’s name in a high pitched voice while his come spurted on the ground. His voice sounded beautiful in the bathroom when it echoed and rang out over and over again in Jongin’s ears, bringing him close to the edge as well.

“Oh, come inside me, Jongin, please, I love it when you come inside me,” Kyungsoo begged, sliding back and forth on Jongin’s lap. His ass stuck out as he moved and Jongin only had to glance down at Kyungsoo’s hungry ass milking his cock before he too came as well, stiffening beneath Kyungsoo as his semen filled Kyungsoo up.

Kyungsoo leaned back on Jongin, moving sideways to kiss Jongin’s mouth sloppily, biting bluntly on his lower lip. “Thank you, Jongin,” he murmured shyly. Jongin panted heavily, breath uneven as he kissed Kyungsoo back.

“You’ve become insatiable, hm?”

“Only for you,” Kyungsoo whispered breathlessly, sucking on Jongin’s mouth.

“Why don’t you stand up and let me see my come all over your thighs?” Jongin asked huskily. Kyungsoo obliged him eagerly, staggering to his feet and whimpering as Jongin’s cock slid out of him. Jongin’s semen dripped out of his ass and Kyungsoo tried to keep it in, squeezing his ass cheeks together in spite of come slowly trailing down his pale thighs.

“I wish I had a picture of this,” Jongin said regretfully. Kyungsoo looked at him shyly, biting his lip while he turned around and stood before Jongin.

“I-I meant it when I said I wouldn’t do it again,” Kyungsoo said softly.

“It’s okay,” Jongin smiled up at him, standing up to crowd around Kyungsoo and force him backwards into a wall. “We’ll just do that again until you learn,” Jongin said, and it was a promise that he’d be treating Kyungsoo badly if he wasn’t going to behave.

“Can I wash you up while you shower? In return for letting me… come?” Kyungsoo asked, going on his tip toes to press his lips to Jongin’s.

“Why not?” Jongin asked.

-

“Hyung, all I’m trying to do is be nice to you, why is that so hard for you to accept?” Jongin asked in exasperation.

“It’s hard because I can’t leave fresh food in your kitchen if you’re going to just let it rot. Don’t waste perfectly good food,” Kyungsoo said, stabbing a finger in his direction. Jongin rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that morning. _Why is Kyungsoo so stubborn?_ Jongin asked himself, trying not to smile.  

They were having a very lovely time in the bathroom just forty minutes ago, where Jongin spent most of the time making out with Kyungsoo while he soaped both of their bodies up till they were both nice and slippery. It had all been rosy and carefree till Jongin merely suggested going out for brunch and Kyungsoo _exploded_.

“I’M COOKING FOR YOU,” he had said with such conviction before changing into a new set of clothes; Jongin just _had_ to push his buttons and tease him about it.

“Hyung, you’re here to spend time with me not be my servant, cooking and cleaning whenever you come over. Can’t we order in at least, and then we can eat jjajangmyeon from each other’s mouths—”

“That’s disgusting,” Kyungsoo remarked from the sink, washing a small onion. “How would you know, you haven’t even tried it yet,” Jongin protested. On second thought, it _did_ sound very nasty but Jongin wasn’t going to let Kyungsoo in on that thought. All he wanted to do was treat Kyungsoo to some good food since he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t dine the same way Jongin would on a normal weekend, but he just had to insist on using up the rest of the perishable ingredients in Jongin’s fridge…

“The point is that it sounds disgusting, and why would you order jjajangmyeon when I can just make you a nice meal right here?” Kyungsoo answered lightly.

“I should spank you for this,” Jongin muttered, “For defying me.”

“We already agreed yesterday that you can pay for food if we’re outside but since there’s enough for us here,” Kyungsoo held up the chopping board. “I won’t take long, Jongin, I promise.”

“Oh yeah? Then are you going to vacuum the carpet later and say ‘ooh, it’s dusty here, it’s filthy there’?” Jongin demanded. Kyungsoo sighed, taking a small kitchen knife from the drawer to cut up a red bell pepper. “Jongin, we could go on about this all afternoon. Can’t we talk about something else now?” he asked. 

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo’s back with a sulky expression on his face. “No… We agreed but,” Jongin shrugged eloquently. He didn’t get why Kyungsoo was being so stubborn.

Kyungsoo turned around with the kitchen knife in hand. “But what?” he asked innocently.

Jongin lifted an eyebrow in faint amusement. “Are you threatening me?” he asked, glancing at the knife. 

“Am I?” Kyungsoo replied, cocking his head to one side. Jongin fell silent, and Kyungsoo returned to cutting the bell pepper into thin slices, facing his back to Jongin. He sipped at his coffee languidly, a little amused that Kyungsoo was being such a stubborn but cute little shit. _So this is how he is when he feels completely unthreatened_ , Jongin mused. He couldn’t say he didn’t like it when he was like this.

“Hyung?” Jongin said after a while.

“Hm?”

 “What should we do after this?” Jongin asked conversationally, placing his chin on his hand with his elbow propped up on the counter. It was nice to see Kyungsoo acting like himself for once; Jongin could spare a day just to see Kyungsoo be like this all day. Kyungsoo made a small noise, opening the fridge to get something.

“Dunno. What do you think we _should_ do?” he replied.

Jongin thought about it. “You wanna listen to some music? Shuffle through our music libraries, maybe? We could see which songs overlap and which don’t,” Jongin said, drumming his fingers on the counter.

“That sounds… personal,” Kyungsoo remarked.

“I’m opening up for you so you realize I’m not just your boss; I’m human too,” Jongin said brightly. Kyungsoo cringed, one side of his mouth twisted into a crooked smile. “Don’t. Don’t put it that way, Jongin, it sounds so wrong on so many levels. I thought you said you’re not technically working at Accuretta?” Kyungsoo asked, getting a skillet out.

“Well, that’s true… Accuretta works for me,” Jongin smiled.

Kyungsoo snorted, rinsing the skillet and starting up the electric stove. “I don’t have a lot of songs on my phone so listening to music might be a little inconvenient. What about…” he trailed off, thinking hard while he opened up a drawer absently to get a turner. He looked more at home in Jongin’s kitchen than Jongin ever did, standing by the stove and staring into the distance blankly.

“Reading?” Kyungsoo suggested thoughtfully.

Jongin tilted his head to one side. “I don’t read a lot though,” he said.

Kyungsoo gave him a deadpan look. “Not everyone I meet reads F. Scott Fitzgerald,” he said, rolling his eyes. They had texted about their favorite books before, but that seemed like a separate matter; how would they read _together_? Would one of them read aloud while the other listened? Did Jongin have to speak in strange voices as well?

“What do you think?” Kyungsoo asked. The skillet was hot now, and Kyungsoo poured a mixture of egg and vegetables into it. The mix began to sizzle and bubble almost immediately, the smell of fried goodness permeating the air.

“If you want to read, say, The Great Gatsby together with me, then do we cuddle in bed and hold one side of the book? Read in voices as well?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shrugged, smiling at Jongin. “I’m sure we can work it out,” he said. And it sounded so simple, so concise when it came from Kyungsoo that Jongin felt compelled to nod along and agree. There was no hurry, not just yet, and he liked how effortless it felt to be with Kyungsoo.

Consequently, Jongin bore the ‘burden’ of having brunch at home on a weekend, a first in his entire life. The Korean pancakes tasted better than the ones he used to have when servants would cook for him, and conversation flowed smoothly from music to movies, Kyungsoo’s photography and what books they should read later on.

At some point the conversation suddenly took an unexpected turn into Kyungsoo’s past, back when he was still in high school, and Kyungsoo told Jongin about how people found out he was gay.

“I read a romance novel once, when I was 16. It sounded so beautiful to be in love and there was a boy at school,” he winced. “Inevitably,” Jongin added, listening closely and smiling to reassure Kyungsoo that it was all in the past now.

“I didn’t—I thought he was gay too, he used to get really touchy with other boys all the time and never had any interest in girls. I acted on my own assumptions and… and wrote him a stupid confession letter,” Kyungsoo blushed. Jongin patted his hand, caressing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s knuckles.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready to talk about it,” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, I think—I think you deserve to know. You’ve been so kind to me and I know you’ve been curious about this for some time, so at the very least I can tell you about why I don’t do people very well. It’s a part of letting go… Right?” he asked, looking a little teary-eyed.

“People say it is,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo laughed weakly.

“So yeah, I wrote that stupid letter and—oh, I don’t know what I was thinking, but I s-signed my name because I thought there’d be nothing to lose. I thought he was gay, like me, and that maybe he’d consider my feelings, if not return them.

“I put the letter in his locker and he approached me the next day. He had such a blank face at the time, like he’d seen something he wasn’t ready to see,” Kyungsoo looked wistful.

“He asked me if I had put the letter in his locker, and like the fool I was, I told him the truth. I said yes. He whistled really loudly when I said yes, like he’d been expecting it already and…” Kyungsoo cleared his throat, hands suddenly fidgety and fretting over the cutlery and the bits of food left on his plate.

It sounded painful. Jongin suddenly wasn’t sure if either he or Kyungsoo were ready to revisit his past. Before he could tell Kyungsoo to stop, he went on: “His friends came over when he whistled.

“It was after school hours, and there weren’t many people around. I don’t think they would’ve helped anyway, he had enough influence over the others that they’d think twice to go against him… I didn’t really know what was going on at the time, to be honest. I thought that maybe he was going to introduce me to his friends,” Kyungsoo’s voice was bitter.

“But he didn’t. The first hit felt like fire across my face. The second and third to my ribs was like hell, and by the seventh I broke my nose—” Kyungsoo suddenly cut himself off, as if he abruptly remembered that he was recollecting this to Jongin.

“You don’t need to hear all that, it wasn’t…” he shook his head.

“Nothing about that time of my life was pretty. When they finally left me alone, I thought I was going to die. There was so much blood on my clothes and everything hurt, but the injuries felt like nothing compared to what he and his friends said.

“They called me names, so many that I didn’t understand most of them, but I could tell that they were referring to me being gay. That I wasn’t half the men that they were, and that everyone in school was going to hear about this. It hurt in... so many different ways. It really did, and I wanted so badly to end my life. But my brother found me when he noticed I was running late, and I never had the chance that day to be alone.

“I ran away from them after that, every time I spotted them in the halls. I’d run and hide till classes started, and by then a lot of people knew. They thought I was a freak and that it was weird for me to like other boys instead of the prettiest girl in my class. I couldn’t explain it, and they didn’t want to hear it either. Nobody wanted to talk to me after that, of course. I thought it was the end of my life and that if I suddenly died, nobody would really notice.”

Kyungsoo sniffled. Jongin felt close to tears as well, but was angrier above else. There was no need to shit on somebody who was different. Though Jongin couldn’t say that he’d be above everyone else if he was there, that he would’ve been Kyungsoo’s friend in time of need, he was clear now on what it felt like to be ostracized and to be on the receiving end of bullying. The stigma on homosexuality in society did this to Kyungsoo, made him who he was now; broken and scared.

Jongin held Kyungsoo’s hand, pressing his lips to his fingers. “I know. I know what happened after that. Thank God for Baekhyun,” Jongin said. At least someone knew how to do things right.

Kyungsoo smiled, tears spilling over. “Yeah… I owe Baekhyun my life. I got tired of running one day, and those boys found me when I was up at the roof alone. He helped me out a lot after he saved me from them. He told me that whatever it was I thought I was going through, it wasn’t worth dying for. Nothing ever is, he said. I didn’t understand what he meant, but in hindsight I probably did, I was just… too far gone to realize that there were other ways to live.

“I play things close to the chest now. Nobody thinks I’m gay or anything like that at work because I try not to talk to anyone. It’s easier that way, you know? When you keep your distance, there’s just less pain to deal with and one less thing for me to worry about.”

“That’s why you picked up photography, didn’t you?” Jongin asked, “As much as you want to distance yourself from people, you’re human too. You couldn’t just stay away forever without at least trying to see what life is like for people who don’t have to deal with problems like you.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “For a long time, most of the pictures I took were just Baekhyun and his friends at the time. They were always laughing and smiling, uncaring of what people thought of them when they laughed too loudly or when they did something stupid. I wish I can be that way too,” Kyungsoo smiled weakly.

 _This isn’t living_ , Jongin thought sadly. This was hiding away from the real world, Kyungsoo’s defense mechanism to protect himself from physical and emotional pain. Jongin felt fiercely proud of his efforts with Kyungsoo now, that he tried his best to see past his mask of indifference and managed to get into Kyungsoo’s good graces. He felt honored, touched that Kyungsoo was being this open with him and thanked God silently that he wasn’t raised to be a jackass to queer people.

“You can be, hyung. You just… care too much now, about things that don’t matter. But I, for one, am glad you decided to give a shit about me,” Jongin said, trying to steer the conversation away from all that heavy thinking.

“I wish I didn’t care about you too,” Kyungsoo laughed, wiping his tears away on his sleeve.

“Why? Because you think this isn’t going to last?”

“I _know_ it won’t,” Kyungsoo said, sounding so sure and final about it that it just seemed to weigh down on him. Jongin wanted to promise that he’d be here if Kyungsoo ever needed him in any way, that he’d be the one person Kyungsoo could share romantic feelings with, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t ready to do that, and he didn’t think he’d ever be allowed to be ready.

 _I’m not the guy for you_ , Jongin thought, the words sitting at the tip of his tongue.

He bit down on it hard. Selfishly enough, he wanted this to last for as long as it could, so long as Kyungsoo was willing.

“You have a lot riding on your shoulders, Jongin, I understand,” Kyungsoo suddenly said seriously, snapping Jongin out of his thoughts. “There’s your father’s company to run, your own family name to live up to, and one day you’ll be expected to have an heir to your empire as well,” he smiled bitterly once more. “I can’t give you all of that _and_ be with you. But I’m happy that I took the chance to come here, regardless.

“Luhan told me that he could see that you’re a nice person underneath it all, and he’s never wrong about things like that. I trusted him and I tried to trust my own opinion of you, so I’m glad that I didn’t get the signals wrong for once,” he said.

“Told you all I wanted to do was be nice to you,” Jongin mumbled. Kyungsoo laughed; it sounded lighter now. “Yes, yes you did. I can’t think of any other person to have my first time with, so thank you, Jongin. Thank you for everything,” Kyungsoo said sincerely, lacing their fingers together.

“You’re welcome,” Jongin replied, smiling at him.

-

They went into Jongin’s room to read The Great Gatsby the way Jongin thought they would; on the bed, with their shoulders touching and the book propped on their knees. They didn’t do any voices, but instead read quietly side by side.

 Jongin never felt this close to someone and yet so far at the same time.

When The Great Gatsby came to an end, it was evening already, and Jongin sent Kyungsoo home in his Rolls Royce, kissing him one last time.

“My place again next week?” Jongin asked.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo replied, kissing Jongin’s lips chastely. “I’ll bring food with me next time,” he promised.

*

“Why are you here?” Sehun demanded, blocking Jongin from entering his office.

“Pardon?” Jongin said politely, holding his latte in his hand. Sehun furrowed his recently plucked eyebrows at Jongin, snatching his latte away and taking a big gulp. Handing it back to a highly disgusted Jongin, he licked his lips and said, “Finally give a shit about what pays for your bills? Never seen you here voluntarily on a Monday.”

“I always gave a shit about where my allowance came from,” Jongin said indignantly, “I just feel like I can earn more money by being around more often.” He pushed the latte into Sehun’s hands.

“Have it, I bet it tastes like poison now that it touched your mouth,” Jongin said flatly. Sehun took it shamelessly, stepping out of Jongin’s way. Taewoon stood up and bowed at Jongin cheerfully, all smiley and bright. _Good_ , Jongin thought, _he’s looking eager to please as usual._  

“Taewoon can you run out and get me a new latte? Doesn’t matter from where, so long as you make sure Sehun doesn’t get his hands on it,” Jongin narrowed his eyes at Sehun.

Sehun just sat down at his desk, put up his feet and raised the paper cup of latte in cheers. Taewoon said, “Right away sir!” and scuttled off towards the elevator. Jongin was about to roll his eyes and walk away before he realized that Sehun _never_ had any time to put up his feet so something was clearly wrong. He whipped his head around, one foot in his office.

“Sehun, why are you looking so… free today?”

“Finally managed to train Taewoon to do your shit so I don’t have to do as much anymore. We delegate certain tasks between us, so he’s got all the work today,” Sehun said, a smug smile on his face. The last assistant Jongin had, Sehun had told him to get rid of the guy because he kept taking long cigarette breaks, thus never did any work.

“No wonder Taewoon’s been here for…” Jongin paused, “For as long he’s been here,” he continued.

“Good for you then. Do you think there’s some report or something I can handle today? I feel getting my hands dirty in some work today,” Jongin said.

Sehun thought about it, sipping at the latte. “I suppose there are a few calls you could take… but why are you trying to get busy for once? I usually have to pretend I’m you when I make important phone calls.”

“Nothing,” Jongin replied, trying to keep a straight face. “E-mail me the numbers or something,” Jongin said, clicking his tongue and entering his office before Sehun could say anything else. He let the door slide shut and skipped over to his desk happily, flopping into his chair with a loud exhale and dug his phone out.

 _‘How are you? I’m in the office today. Should we get lunch together?’_ Jongin typed the words out slowly, chewing his lip.

There was a ping from his computer and he glanced at the screen. Damn, Sehun was good. He already sent Jongin an e-mail on who to call today regarding shipments to and from Korea, and everything else he might need for reference.

He sent the text to Kyungsoo, setting his phone aside while he reached for his mouse and clicked on the little envelope to read the e-mail. The reason he was in his office voluntarily today, actually making an important phone call for the first time in a long while was because Kyungsoo had shook Jongin just a little bit the previous day.

Jongin felt obliged to come in for work today because Kyungsoo had made it rather clear that not everyone’s lives were as easy as Jongin’s life, and that he should be more appreciative about the blessings he had in life. He still didn’t like Yifan though, and he wasn’t sure if he could find meetings anything but hella boring; nonetheless Jongin wanted to make a sincere effort to work now. The reality was that he had to take over this company some time or other, and he couldn’t avoid this forever (not if he wanted to keep his Swiss account) so it was time to get his proper pants on and carry his own burdens.

Working also indirectly meant that he could be closer to Kyungsoo and maybe sneak a couple of kisses here and there during the week, but that wasn’t the main reason why he was here in his office, oh no.

His phone pinged while he was on hold and he grabbed it quickly, opening up Kyungsoo’s text.

_‘It’d be weird if it’s just the two of us.’_

_Would it?_ Jongin frowned. People wouldn’t assume they were gay right away, would they? Or maybe they would. And Jongin wasn’t going to risk hurting Kyungsoo that way. Then maybe he could take Kyungsoo out instead, to some low key restaurants where the staff was used to seeing famous clients—

“Hello, Mr. Jung speaking,” a voice suddenly said in Jongin’s ear.

“Mr. Jung? Yes, this is Kim Jongin from Accuretta Systems,” Jongin said, clearing his throat and trying to get his thoughts back on track.

“…Really?” Mr. Jung said doubtfully.

“What do you mean ‘really’?” Jongin quipped tightly. How dare this fellow doubt the authenticity of Jongin’s identity? Jongin could very well just go to another shipping company if this man was going to be so bloody unhelpful— 

“I remember Mr. Kim sounding a little different…” Mr. Jung said apprehensively, as if he wasn’t sure if this was a serious call or a practical joke.

Jongin rolled his eyes.

When he was finally done convincing Mr. Jung that he was _the_ Kim Jongin, the one and only and not Oh Sehun impersonating Jongin and that the shipments were of utmost importance and needed to be sent to China as soon as possible, he returned to his phone to type out a reply.

 _‘Shall we go out to eat then? Or you could eat in my office. I could eat sushi off your naked body_ J’

It was a genuine suggestion from the very bottom of Jongin’s heart. Jongin always enjoyed sushi for lunch, and what better way to get the best out of two worlds by combining food _and_ spending time with Kyungsoo into one afternoon? The best part was that Kyungsoo couldn’t argue with him if he wanted to buy them lunch… Jongin waited for his reply patiently, reading through the email Sehun had sent.

The phone on his desk rang suddenly. Jongin glanced at it, frowning. He considered not answering because it’d probably be Suho (no one else in their right mind would call him from this number) but decided that he was being ridiculous. What if it was Mr. Jung from a few minutes ago? He picked up the phone from its cradle cautiously and held it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Sehun told me you came in today. I gotta say, Jongin, you’ve been in the building more times this year than the last two years combined.” _Oh joy_ , Jongin thought, closing his eyes. Was he never to be free from his nosy friends?

“Suho, I gotta hang up ‘cause I need to make an important phone call—”

“To who? Why are you making the calls instead of Sehun?” Suho chirped.

“Because I’m the boss of this company and it’s what I’m supposed to,” Jongin replied tetchily. He hung up quickly and let the phone sit on his desk, out of his cradle so that Suho couldn’t call him anymore.

There was a knock on the door right when Jongin reached for his phone. “Sir, I have your coffee.”

 _God, it’s just one thing after another_ , Jongin thought crossly. Playing the part of CEO wasn’t as easy as he thought it’d be. “Come in,” Jongin sighed, picking up his phone with a jerk and opening up Kyungsoo’s text.

_‘No, thank you. Luhan needs me to show him around today so I don’t think lunch is good today...’_

_Ah, Luhan_ , Jongin thought. Yes, he had almost forgotten that Luhan was working here now. If Kyungsoo was needed elsewhere then fine, Jongin could step off. Two days should be enough to show him where the men’s room and the cafeteria were, alongside the rest of the building.

 _So that means two days without touching Kyungsoo inappropriately_ , Jongin thought. Taewoon had entered the office and placed a report on Jongin’s desk quietly beside his new cup of latte. Jongin frowned, not really aware of what Taewoon was doing until he left and Jongin reached for his coffee, sipping at it while thinking of what to reply Kyungsoo.

_‘If Luhan needs you for today and maybe tomorrow does that mean I can eat sushi off your naked body on Wednesday?’_

All good things required planning after all. Jongin could surreptitiously tell Sehun to clear his schedule on that day and have him bugger off somewhere till Kyungsoo was done in Jongin’s office and he could leave without raising Sehun’s suspicions. _Yes, he can get_ quite _suspicious sometimes_ , Jongin thought. He wasn’t quite sure why Sehun was so suspicious about people and things anyway.

Kyungsoo replied less than a minute later with one, clear and concise word: ‘ _NO.’_

How rude. It was even in English and all. _It’s alright_ , Jongin thought, _I’ll let him simmer and think about it first._ Kyungsoo couldn’t resist Jongin forever. He’d proven that when Jongin invited Kyungsoo up to his apartment and he came like a sacrificial lamb.

Jongin decided to call him up later in the afternoon after settling all the calls he had to make. By then he was sure Kyungsoo would have second thoughts.

He was smiling to himself when he noticed the report Taewoon had left, and he was skimming through it when Sehun suddenly barged into his office, hitting the button to open the door with a slam of his fist and taking large strides to saunter into the seat in front of Jongin’s desk.

“I should just lock the door and never let anyone in next time,” Jongin said idly.

“Suho told me you’re ignoring him. He and I were curious about a few things and I just thought I’d come in and ask you in person is all,” Sehun said conversationally.

“Things like what?” Jongin asked, glancing up at him. He didn’t dare put his cup on the table in case Sehun got any ideas again.

“Oh, things like… you know, the thing that you have between yourself and Kyungsoo.” Sehun held his hands up against the bright sunlight, checking his nails distractedly. He sounded very nonchalant, and Jongin knew him long enough that nonchalance from Sehun wasn’t always a good thing.

“Hmm, we haven’t done anything else since I went to his place to see his photos,” Jongin replied.

“‘We’? Aha, Jongin, so you’re one entity with Kyungsoo now?” Sehun snickered.

God damn it, Jongin had forgotten Sehun had picked up a few things on psychology from watching CSI. He kept his cool, meeting his gaze. _I’m not doing anything wrong anyway_ , Jongin told himself. If he believed he wasn’t doing anything wrong then it would show in his facial expressions… right?

“I only said ‘we’ because _you_ think Kyungsoo and I have something going on… And we don’t, Sehun. Sure, I’ve seen him—”

“You know you’ve been acting pretty suspicious since you came back from China, right?” Sehun asked, narrowing his eyes. Jongin didn’t know if it was Sehun’s eyebrows or his black eyes but he certainly looked intimidating when he wanted to be.

“Have I?”

“Yes— the new clothes, the texting, the suitcase from China… I can almost _smell_ Kyungsoo’s involvement in this somehow. You better watch your shit, Jongin,” Sehun said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 

“There’s no shit to watch, honestly,” Jongin laughed, but in his head he was secretly wondering if Sehun was an FBI agent in training. “I told Kyungsoo that the kiss was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and that he didn’t have to worry about me firing him or anything like that, so long as he keeps those photos out of the public eye. He understands, and I like it to think we’ve come to an agreement now.”

“We, we, we, Jongin, stop with the ‘we’s or I’ll puke,” Sehun snorted, but Jongin could see that Sehun was a little thrown off now.

“Is there anything else you’re curious about?” Jongin asked lightly. He had nothing to hide… sort of.

“Yeah,” Sehun replied, “where were you last weekend? Was like you disappeared off the face of the Earth for two days and resurfaced just in time for work.”

Jongin blinked. “I was… alone. At home. Playing with my Nintendo. Didn’t feel like going out,” Jongin shrugged. Sehun gave him a snide smile; it didn’t reassure him whatsoever.

“I bet you were.”

-

After that very strange talk with Sehun, Jongin managed to shoo him off and return to the tasks at hand. It didn’t take very long; maybe an hour or two of buttering up a few people and exchanging empty conversations.

Lunchtime came. Jongin pouted irritably when Suho offered to bring him to his father’s friend’s restaurant. _I wanted to have sushi with Kyungsoo_ , Jongin almost said aloud, before he realized nobody knew he was still seeing Kyungsoo behind their back. It was all very hush-hush and Jongin couldn’t say he liked keeping it a secret very much. Sadly, Suho would have a fit and Sehun would have two fits if he ever told them of his sexual escapades.

Thus, he had to go along with Suho’s offer and was about to leave with Sehun when Luhan appeared from around the corner, bumping into Sehun’s shoulder.

“Oh, sorry,” Luhan said quickly, bowing slightly. He sent Sehun an apologetic smile and turned to bow at Jongin.

“Hi, sir,” he smiled.

“Hey. What are you doing here on this floor?” Jongin asked, laughing. Sehun backed off to let them talk, whispering to Jongin that he’d be in Suho’s office waiting for him.

Luhan waved brightly at Sehun as he walked away. “Bye,” he called. Sehun gave a weak wave in return. “That’s your assistant, right? Nice suit… I bet I look better in it. What were you saying again?” he asked Jongin.

“I was—”

“Right, the office. No, I’m on the sixth floor, doing numbers with the rest of the accountants. They’re all very nice but kind of poorly dressed, don’t you think?” Luhan asked. Jongin thought it was a serious question, but Luhan just laughed it off. He had a distinct feeling Luhan would get along very well with Chanyeol.

“Not everyone can afford clothes all the time, I guess. I’m going to be like those people soon, when I spend the last bit of my salary from my previous job,” Luhan sighed dramatically.

“I assume you’re coping pretty well then?” Jongin said cautiously.

“Oh, it’s much easier to work here with normal people than with thugs. No one breaks a table or lights something on fire just because there’s no more hot water…” Luhan trailed off. Jongin wasn’t sure what to say at that.

“I heard you broke up too, by the way, with your er… ex,” Jongin said.

“I’m over her. It only takes me a day to cry and another day to delete everything about her on my phone,” Luhan smiled. It wasn’t even a fake smile. Luhan looked like he was _genuinely_ over her in two days. Jongin thought he should be nominated for an Oscar soon.

Before Jongin could say anything else, Luhan clapped a hand around his shoulders. “Let’s not talk about exes though. I came here to tell you two things. One, thanks for this job. I get three days off each month, which I will most definitely use. The thugs I used to work for thought it was a joke when I said I wanted to take a day off once.

Two, Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, Jongin, _Kyungsoo_ ,” Luhan enunciated his name, shaking him by the shoulder.

“What about him?” Jongin asked, wondering if he should be worried for his safety without Kyungsoo around. How did Luhan even get here without Kyungsoo’s help anyway?

“I don’t know what you did to him last weekend but he’s,” Luhan held a thumbs up, “happy now. Nice, even.”

“He wasn’t nice before?”

“Well no, he was nice, but now he’s even nicer. He smiled when he served dinner last night and actually _laughed_ when we’re watching Gag Concert. He thinks Gag Concert is stupid but he laughed, Jongin. Did you drug him?” Luhan asked wonderingly.

Jongin shook his head. “Where would I get drugs though?” he asked.

“From me… But I checked and my stash is intact so he can’t have smoked weed with you during the weekend. It’s like he’s lighter now, y’know. He used to be a little more grounded, like he was holding back some kind of burden. Now I can’t even keep up with him, Jongin, all he does is float around the house cleaning the floors and wiping every surface down,” Luhan sounded afraid.

Jongin felt a little smug that Kyungsoo had told him all about his past and his feelings on the matter yesterday. Perhaps he’d never shared it with Luhan before. It was also heartwarming to think that Kyungsoo enjoyed himself that much; Jongin was going to have to put more of his toys to use then, if Kyungsoo could defy gravity after one weekend at Jongin’s apartment.

“You must’ve done some pretty good work on him,” Luhan said, not noticing how Jongin had sort of drifted away into his thoughts.

“Um, good work?”

“Yeah. Did you do everything he wanted you to do?” Luhan asked bluntly.

“Uh. Yes. I suppose,” Jongin coughed awkwardly.

Luhan nodded knowingly. “Good. Keep up the good work then, my future brother-in-law. Kyungsoo can’t wait to see you this weekend, and it’s only been like, 24 hours since he’s seen you.” Luhan patted Jongin once, and started to walk off.

“W-wait,” Jongin said.

“Hmm?” Luhan turned around to face him, walking backwards.

“He can’t wait to see me?” Jongin asked. He couldn’t tell if it was something Luhan had said that offhandedly or if Kyungsoo had told him firsthand that he was looking forward to seeing Jongin again.

“Oh yeah, trust me, he’s real thirsty now. Make sure to play safe, hmm?” Luhan called. Thank God no one else was lurking around the corridors.

“Oh. Well, I can’t wait to see him too,” Jongin laughed. _Well, well_ , Jongin thought. _Thank you, Luhan._ Now Jongin had a very good reason to have Kyungsoo up in his office soon. He waved goodbye to Luhan as he moonwalked backwards to where Kyungsoo’s office was. At least Kyungsoo wasn’t lying about going to lunch with him.  

“Thanks again!” Luhan called.

“Same to you,” Jongin chuckled. Suddenly, it wasn’t so hard to convince Kyungsoo to get into Jongin’s office. If what Luhan said was true, he could probably have him by this Wednesday guaranteed, and the coming weekend would just be the cherry on the icing of the cake.

Jongin took his phone out to call Kyungsoo. It was lunchtime so he knew he’d pick up, and he might as well call him now before he went down to Suho’s office.

“Hello?”

“Hyung, I know you miss me and you should come into my office so I can make you feel better.”

Kyungsoo snorted. “I can’t. I have lots of work to do and Luhan still needs me—”

“Don’t use Luhan as an excuse, he just came to see me without your help,” Jongin laughed. Kyungsoo was silent on the other line, thrown under the bus by his own roommate.  

“That useless…” he trailed off, muttering something quietly under his breath.

“You should thank him. Don’t tell me you’ve never imagined us doing it in my office. I’m happy to accommodate you, my office is more than big enough,” Jongin said happily.

“That’s not the point, you idiot, the point is that what if,” he lowered his voice, “you get caught?”

“I promise I’ll set it all up and make sure it’s all safe and sound. You just have to get your ass over from across the building and come into my office. It’s either that or I _will_ go into your office and bring you over myself—”

“You wouldn’t,” Kyungsoo breathed. Jongin could tell Kyungsoo was aroused. If it weren’t for Suho, he could probably have Kyungsoo now…

“Yes, I would and you know it. I’ve done it before and I can do it again,” Jongin said, voice pitched low.

Kyungsoo was deathly silent. _Maybe he’s hard now_ , Jongin thought with a smile.

“So what do you say, hyung? Come quietly or do I have to drag you kicking and screaming?”

“W-when, when…?” Kyungsoo stuttered breathlessly. Jongin smiled; the battle was easily won. He stepped forward and pressed the button for the elevator.

“Soon. I’ll let you know. You’ll wait for me and be a good boy, yes?” he asked. The elevator doors opened and he stepped in.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo whispered in defeat. Jongin hung up on him, turning to look through the glass wall of the elevator at where Kyungsoo’s office was. Someone was stepping out of the entrance, and Jongin could hardly believe it when he saw that it was Kyungsoo, looking flustered with his cheeks colored pink.

The elevator jolted and descended slowly. Kyungsoo caught the motion in the corner of his eye and jerked his head into Jongin’s direction, meeting Jongin’s gaze with a visible gasp, even from across the floor.

Jongin waved at him, mouth lifted into a smile. Kyungsoo stood motionless till Jongin was out of view, the elevator taking him to another floor of the building.


	12. when you touch me I die just a little inside (I wonder if this could be love)

There were five reasons why Jongin was in a bad mood today.

The first one: He was foolish enough on Monday to ask Sehun to let him do more work that he was supposed to do in the first place.

Sehun agreed readily enough but instead of easing Jongin into the tasks he needed to do, Sehun threw a shitload of work at him (literally) and now refused to help Jongin with his work, only agreeing to get him coffee, arrange his schedule and print anything Jongin e-mailed  to him. Jongin couldn’t really blame him; that was the real job of a PA after all.

But the shitload of work Jongin needed to do now was a lot to take. It manifested itself physically into gigantic piles of A4 sized papers bound together into neat stacks, accumulating themselves all over Jongin’s desk and feet in his office. And that was the second reason he wasn’t feeling very nice today; his office was messy and he couldn’t concentrate when his surroundings were messy.

Which led to the third reason; it was messy because there was an emergency meeting to be held today.

One of the board members suddenly dropped a bomb on the other board members by telling them that he was going to take a leave of two weeks for summer just this morning, and that this meeting that was supposed to happen in ten days had to happen today because the factories in Guangzhou wouldn’t launch in time without the consent and signature from every member of the board. The worst part about this meeting however, was that it was expected to last till this evening.

Never mind the meeting though. Jongin wasn’t sure if he could even make it to the meeting thanks to his lack of knowledge on a few things, and was now in other words, cramming to get himself up to speed with everything.

Suho had graciously come in like an angel of salvation to help him sort through which reports and acquisitions he should read about now and the ones that could be set aside for a later time. He was grateful for Suho’s help but nonetheless, cramming made him stressful and thus, irritated.

However, despite receiving help there was something else Jongin could not handle today of all days, and it only made things worse than they already were; the weather.

God, it was warm in his office today. Sunny too. The sun was too bright but he couldn’t pull down the blinds over the glass walls because then he and Suho would have a hard time reading (the energy-saving lights in his office were dim). They moved their seats to the center of the office where sunlight couldn’t reach them, but instead of being able to read without a problem, they were too warm at their spots in the center of the room. The air conditioning was on full blast, but Jongin was still sweating in his coat (he was sensitive to heat and cold so he couldn’t take it off either).

“How many pages do I still have to read through?” Jongin moaned.

Suho counted the pages from his own copy of the report they were both reading through. “Twenty three,” he informed Jongin.

He sighed heavily, flinging the report to the ground. “I give up, Suho, I give up,” he exclaimed, rubbing at his eyes, “I give up trying to earn money the good and honest way. I want to be a pirate and steal everything I want,” he declared.

“I’m sure that’s just the heat talking,” Suho joked weakly. Jongin felt restless in his seat. He wanted to strip off his clothes, he wanted to take a walk to forget this unexpected burden on his shoulders, he wanted Suho to get out of the office so that he could get _someone else_ to come into his office…

Ah yes, the fifth reason why he was so surly today. It was Wednesday today, and if the meeting lasted till five o’ clock this evening, he’d be going home without putting his briefcase full of toys to good use today. He had initially planned to have an easy breezy day today, perhaps reading through a report or two and making a few calls to some people but nope. This meeting just had to smash through his plans, and now here he was; horny as fuck for Kyungsoo and upset that his plans could not go as planned. He was not very productive when he was anything but relaxed.

Working was very stressful, he knew now, and wondered if he could throw all of his work back to Sehun.

“Is there anything you want me to ask Sehun to get for you? Something to eat maybe, or a cold drink?” Suho asked after reading two pages out of the twenty three they had left to go through. He looked concerned with the way Jongin looked; eyebrows furrowed in concentration and body tensed the way it was when he was really upset about something.

“No,” Jongin grunted.

“Is there something wrong?” Suho asked. He could see why Jongin would be upset from the way his office looked and the boring pages they had gone through, but Jongin looked preoccupied about something else outside of work and his mind was only focused on his work because he had no choice.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m just… I didn’t come into the office prepared for any of this,” Jongin replied, running a hand over his face.

“I could convince Sehun to come in to help out,” Suho offered. Maybe clearing some of the files and stacks of paper in Jongin’s office would take his mind off how much work he needed to do.

Jongin shook his head. “Let’s just read through this,” he said. Suho didn’t say anything about the matter after that, though he looked like he wanted to.

It took forever to get through that report and understand it thoroughly. By the time they were done, an hour had passed and the meeting was scheduled to take place in another hour and a half.

“Why don’t you take a toilet break, Jongin? You look pretty stressed and I think we both could use ten minutes to take our minds off of work,” Suho said when Jongin stretched in his seat.

“I don’t think I need a toilet break yet,” he replied.

Suho held up a thin report. “I think we should go through this report in a bit since we have some time left. Are you sure you don’t want to refresh yourself?” he asked.

Jongin sighed and stood up. “Fine,” he yawned. “I’ll just take a piss and come back.”

“I’ll get Sehun to buy us lunch. You want anything in particular?” Suho asked, getting up with him to walk out of the office.

“Anything that’ll fill me up,” Jongin replied easily. He didn’t want to go hungry during the meeting and eat the board members later. Suho nodded and spoke to Sehun while Jongin took a leisurely walk down the empty hallway to the men’s room, grateful that Suho could tell that Jongin was feeling the pressure. He was also relieved that Suho did not berate him for trying to take on too much at once and was there to help him through this ordeal step by step.

It made him feel lighter, even though it was only by a little bit.

As he walked to the men’s room, his gaze lingered to the other side of the building. Kyungsoo was less than a hundred feet away from him, so close and yet so far. He couldn’t touch Kyungsoo in public and couldn’t have him today thanks to that fucking meeting.

 _Well, there’s always next week_ , he thought regretfully. He’d have to text Kyungsoo soon to tell him that office sex wouldn’t happen today. Sure, Thursday or Friday Kyungsoo would be around, but it’d be too near the weekend and it made Jongin feel like he was being greedy if he tried anything in the next two days. Jongin would rather wait till the weekend then, to ravish Kyungsoo’s body and leave red marks all over him.

 _Oh yes_ , he thought with a brief smile. The marks he’d love to leave on Kyungsoo’s pale skin…

He was staring down at his feet while he walked, feeling kind of drowsy when he stepped into the men’s room and accidentally bumped into someone who yelped in a familiar voice. His head snapped up immediately; he’d know that yelp anywhere.

“Hyung?” Jongin said partially in disbelief, taking in the sight of Kyungsoo standing before him with a surprised look on his face.

“Jong—Mr. Kim,” Kyungsoo muttered, cheeks turning red.

“I told you—” Jongin snapped, but cut himself off when a guy Jongin didn’t know brushed past them out of the men’s room.

“Kyungsoo, there’s something I need to tell you,” Jongin said quickly, casting a quick glance over Kyungsoo’s head to make sure they were alone. He took Kyungsoo’s hand before he could protest and tugged him into one of the cubicles, slamming the door shut and locking it.

“Why do you always have some— mmph,” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo hard, pressing him flush against his body. Kyungsoo bit down on Jongin’s lip angrily till Jongin tasted blood on his tongue but he didn’t stop kissing him, forcing Kyungsoo’s mouth open and taking his breath away. He did the thing with his mouth, varying pressure over Kyungsoo’s lips and smirking in satisfaction when Kyungsoo kissed him back just as hungrily, tongue flicking into Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin broke off first with much reluctance. He liked kissing Kyungsoo very much; he had such a nice mouth after all, very kissable and all that. Kyungsoo looked positively ravishing with his messed up button up shirt and red lips, already starting to swell from Jongin’s less-than-gentle treatment but he had to get this out before he forgot why he was here in the first place.

“Today was supposed to be a fun day,” Jongin whispered, running a thumb over Kyungsoo’s bottom lip.

“W-what?” Kyungsoo frowned, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. “Your mouth tastes like coffee,” he said, making a face.

“Thanks,” Jongin replied, chuckling. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, stepping back an inch in the tiny space. “What do you mean, it’s supposed to be fun today?” he asked, eyeing Jongin suspiciously.

“Don’t play coy,” Jongin chided him lightly, “you know what I mean. Or don’t you remember what I promised you on Monday?”

Kyungsoo scoffed at him. “I remember. I also didn’t really expect you to make good on that promise. So you don’t have to feel bad or anything like that,” he shrugged nonchalantly. It was then Jongin noticed the thick powder or foundation over Kyungsoo’s left cheekbone. He remembered slapping Kyungsoo in his spare room, and ran his finger over it, certain that a bruise lurked beneath the makeup.

“For what it’s worth, I really thought we’d be in my office going at it like rabbits, you know. Brought lube and everything with me in my little briefcase,” he said.

“Such a way with words,” Kyungsoo glared at him.

“I knew it, I knew you were looking forward to bending yourself over my desk while I—” Kyungsoo stabbed his solar plexus viciously while Jongin broke down over the toilet bowl, laughing and wheezing at his own joke.

“Keep laughing,” Kyungsoo muttered sarcastically.  

“No really, hyung,” Jongin said between wheezes, “today’s not a good day so I just,” he wiped his tears away, “I thought I’d let you know just in case you missed me too much.”

“I’ll last,” Kyungsoo blushed, offering a hand to Jongin. He took it, standing up and dusting off his pants.

“So I guess you’re busy today, right?” Kyungsoo said, straightening Jongin’s coat for him.

Jongin sighed. “Yeah. There’s supposed to be a meeting later on, and I might be here till late evening. You’ll still come over for the weekend, right?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo nodded, looking away from Jongin’s gaze for some inexplicable reason. “Good luck for your meeting then,” he said, fussing over Jongin’s clothes for a bit before he let his hands fell to his sides.

“Mm. Can I get a kiss along with that good luck?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to stab Jongin again but he just leaned forward and pecked Jongin lightly over the lips, cheeks burning a bright red as he accidentally caught Jongin’s gaze.

“Thanks. See you on Saturday then, hm?” Jongin smiled, reaching a hand behind Kyungsoo to pat his ass reassuringly. He nodded shyly.

Jongin wanted to say more, but there was nothing he could say that could convey how sorry he was that office sex was out of the question today. He knew he himself was looking forward to it and Kyungsoo had to feel a twinge of disappointment too, if the call on Monday meant anything.

He let himself out of the cubicle first, pretending to wash his hands and coming out of the office with a renewed will to finish off this meeting and to have Kyungsoo all to himself during the weekend with nothing to worry about.

-

“Refer to page seventeen, paragraph 3,” Suho said, looking up at everyone around the table. Pages rifled against one another as the board members referred to the correct page and paragraph. Jongin held back a yawn, rubbing at his eyes.

They had been at this for two hours now. Every board member had something to say about the report, including Jongin. They were taking turns around the table to go through the report and point out any questions or a suggestion, and each member took at least twenty minutes or more. Jongin’s turn had come and passed, having only one question about the report they were reading through.

Suho was the second last member to voice his questions and opinions and hopefully, Mr. Bae beside Suho didn’t have much to say otherwise they’d be here all night. It was just past five, and Jongin could already hear people leaving the building, cars and buses clogging up the streets outside.

  _Damn Mrs. Lim and her summer leave_ , Jongin thought, sliding a glare at her. She had no shame at all and evidently felt no guilt at making all the board members stay in the office till after office hours just because she wanted a holiday.

 _Look at her_ , Jongin thought, narrowing his eyes at the oblivious woman. She had on a ton of makeup on her wrinkly face and she smelled like mothballs when she walked past Jongin. _Ooh, I hate this bitch,_ Jongin thought, pretending to make a note in his report. He’d been doing that the entire meeting, drawing a tree, a wolf and a hazy sketch of Kyungsoo’s ass to keep himself awake during the meeting.

 _Kyungsoo’s ass_ , he thought, staring his sketch thoughtfully. He did have quite a beautiful ass. And lovely thighs, too. Jongin wondered what he should do with him this weekend, bury his face between his legs maybe, or eat sushi off his body like he was supposed to today.

 _Bet rice tastes good on him_ , Jongin thought. He’d bet that even raw eggs would taste nice if he could lick it off Kyungsoo’s body.

A loud tick in the room brought Jongin back into reality. Suho had clicked his pen in his hand and glanced at Jongin surreptitiously over his report while talking. _Oh boohoo_ , Jongin rolled his eyes, _just because I don’t want to listen to you talk doesn’t mean I’m disrespecting you._

Suho looked like he could read the message in Jongin’s eye roll and sighed, continuing to speak. Jongin listened for a bit, before he closed his eyes for a while, pretending to read his report. He was hungry, tired and worn out from the day’s activities. All he wanted was to jerk off thinking about what he could’ve done with Kyungsoo today and go to sleep and hope tomorrow would be better.

He was imagining Kyungsoo giving him a lap dance when Mr. Bae took over Suho’s voice suddenly.

“Refer to page six, paragraph seven please,” he said. He was a pretty old man, balding with a raspy texture to his voice. He always had the most to say in every meeting, and Jongin prayed that he didn’t have that much to say today. Jongin glanced at his watch; Lord, only ten minutes had passed.

 _Kill me now_ , Jongin thought. He couldn’t understand how the rest of the board members were still awake.

Perhaps he could just close his eyes for a while, Mr. Bae couldn’t see very well and if Jongin just leaned back slightly he wouldn’t notice Jongin sleeping…

He was subtly trying to get himself in a comfortable position to take a nap when Mr. Bae said the four words Jongin never thought he’d say after talking for less than five minutes: “I think that’s it.”

Jongin almost fell out of his chair.

“I know we’re all eager to go home and Mrs. Lim, you probably need to pack up for tomorrow,” Mr. Bae chuckled.

Mrs. Lim tittered, waving a hand in Mr. Bae’s direction. “If there’s anything you feel like we should cover, let’s do it now,” she urged him.

Jongin went _no, no, no let’s do it when it’s not so late_ in his head and looked over at Mr. Bae to see if he couldn’t direct his thoughts towards him and make him feel as close to suicide as Jongin was feeling right now.

Luckily Mr. Bae must be tired like Jongin as well, because he said, “Oh no, we’ve covered everything we needed to do. I think it’s safe to say this meeting is concluded.”

Jongin sent a silent prayer of thanks to God. Finally, he could see an end to the longest day in his life. Suho saw him smiling widely and gave him a dry look as they all stood up, stretching their arms and gathering their things to head out.

“Thank you,” Jongin said sincerely to Mr. Bae, shaking his hand spontaneously. Sehun appeared from behind Jongin, clearing his throat and blinking rapidly. Jongin suspected he’d been asleep; he was strangely quiet behind Jongin the entire meeting. Mr. Bae was puzzled but shook Jongin’s hand anyway, waving goodbye to him as they left.

“You got any plans for tonight?” Sehun asked as they filed out of the room.

“Sleep. I’m not going to come into the office tomorrow. Three days in a row is my best record,” Jongin said, holding his hands up in surrender.

Sehun chuckled. “Now you know what life is like for the rest of us. If you feel like coming out for a drink later, call me,” Sehun said. Jongin nodded and said he would if he didn’t collapse in bed the minute he reached home.

They went their separate ways; Sehun went to the elevators right away since he already had his briefcase with him and Suho left as well to head back down to his own office.

Jongin just had to grab his briefcase in his office and maybe take home a few reports to read at home so that he wouldn’t have to come into the office tomorrow. Taewoon had already left for the day, but was thoughtful enough to keep the light on in Jongin’s office.

His office looked like a hurricane had passed through it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Jongin went to the wet bar to pour himself a shot of whiskey as a reward for not committing suicide today.

 _Been a long day today_ , he thought to himself, holding the glass up in cheers and pouring all of it down his throat. The bitter alcohol burned, giving him shivers along his spine. _Damn, it’s good_ , he thought, grimacing. It felt like a shot of adrenaline to his head. He was considering pouring himself another glass when there was a timid knock on the door.  

“Come in,” he called without thinking, hands paused on the cork of the whiskey bottle. He could hear footsteps entering the office and leaned over the wet bar to see who it was. 

This day couldn’t get any better. “Kyungsoo?” Jongin cocked his head to one side in mild surprise. Kyungsoo didn’t spot Jongin right away, eyes widening at the mess on the ground and his desk before he saw Jongin standing in the corner at the wet bar. 

“Jongin,” he said breathlessly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. The glare of the lights in Jongin’s office brought out the shadows from the planes of Kyungsoo’s face; it made him look a tad bit afraid as he tensed visibly at the sight of Jongin.

Jongin popped the cork on the whiskey bottle. “What are you doing here?” he asked lightly.

He had thought Kyungsoo had left the building at least half an hour ago with the rest of the employees and that he’d be on a bus now, heading home. Kyungsoo bit his lip.

“I was um. I thought I’d wait for you since you said you’d be here in the office for a while,” he replied. Jongin poured out a glass of whiskey and set the bottle down.

“Wait for me?” he echoed hollowly.

Kyungsoo nodded. “W-well, yeah. It occurred to me this afternoon that security doesn’t lock up the building till eleven and there’s plenty of time between now and eleven…” he trailed off nervously. Jongin listened carefully, noting the wavering note of anxiety in Kyungsoo’s voice.

 _Surely he’s not suggesting what I think he is?_ Jongin thought, eyeing Kyungsoo curiously.

“Is that true?” Jongin asked, taking a sip of the whiskey.

Kyungsoo looked like he was about to faint. “Y-yes. I came once at around nine because I left something in the office a-and… yeah. The security guard told me that.”

“And you waited for me because you wanted to…?” Jongin let his sentence hang in the air, throwing back the rest of the whiskey into the back of his throat. He swallowed it, placing the glass in the sink.

“Don’t tell me you stayed behind to tell me how the security guards do their jobs around here,” Jongin teased, lifting an eyebrow.

Kyungsoo straightened his back, his gaze trailing over the ground. “I-I came because you promised me something this week. And all I had to do was come into your office. So here I am,” he said, trying to square his shoulders and sound a little braver than he was. Jongin could see through all that.

He resisted a smile, taking a new glass from the shelf behind him and grabbing some sherry. “I did promise you something, didn’t I?”

He pretended to tut at himself, “How could I forget… Would you like a drink?” he asked, pouring out the sherry into the glass before Kyungsoo could answer.

“I’d rather not, actually—” he tried to protest.

“Just one drink,” Jongin said, winking at Kyungsoo. His protests came to an abrupt stop.

He heard the sharp intake of breath as he motioned for Kyungsoo to come over and take his drink. Jongin waited patiently for Kyungsoo to walk awkwardly over, pick up the glass with a shaking hand and place the glass to his mouth, meeting Jongin’s gaze over the glass of sherry.

“What did you think we were going to do today?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo drank only half of the sherry and set it down, wincing at the taste. “What is this?” he asked in disgust.

“Sherry,” Jongin replied simply, taking a step into Kyungsoo’s personal space. “And I won’t repeat myself for you,” he whispered, tipping his chin up and forcing Kyungsoo to meet his gaze. Kyungsoo looked up at him, pupils shaking with trepidation.

“I thought we— _I’d_ let _you_ do whatever you wanted to me. Because I want to be good for you,” Kyungsoo said, voice hardly audible.

“Hm. It’s wonderful that you want to be a good boy for me today. I’ve had a trying time since this morning and I suppose I can’t refuse this offer now, can I?” Jongin asked, leaning in to kiss Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo held his breath in anticipation, subtly leaning into Jongin as well to lift his face up to Jongin’s mouth. Jongin trailed his fingers around Kyungsoo’s ear, letting his lips brush over Kyungsoo’s. He could taste the sherry on his mouth and felt a sigh of air when Kyungsoo dropped his jaw open for him.

But instead of deepening the kiss Jongin just moved away, taking his hand with him as well.

“Drink up,” he said, tapping the glass of sherry. Kyungsoo looked like he’d been shaken out of a pleasant dream and frowned slightly, looking down at the glass.

“Yes,” he said softly, picking the glass up and putting it to his mouth. He drank it slowly while Jongin smiled, just a little, and walked away from the wet bar to get his briefcase from under his desk.

“Close the door,” Jongin said when he saw that Kyungsoo was done with his sherry. He didn’t enjoy it very much obviously, but Jongin felt like he needed it for what he had in mind. Kyungsoo could be modest at all the wrong times and wanted him a little loosened up, more at ease around Jongin. He didn’t offer whiskey because he didn’t want Kyungsoo to get drunk, just tipsy.

Kyungsoo pressed the button to shut the door as he was told to do and went to stand before Jongin, putting his sling bag down on one of the chairs beside him.

Jongin opened up his briefcase and ran his hand over the contents thoughtfully, trying to picture which would be best to use on Kyungsoo when he was here in his office. He had brought a bit of everything; a vibrator, handcuffs, nipple clamps…

He picked up the nipple clamps attached to each other on a chain and held it before Kyungsoo.

“Does this pique your fancy?” he asked.

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, nodding just once. “I’ve used them before.”

“And did you think of me while you had them on?” Jongin asked, letting the chain dangle from his fingers. It swayed before Kyungsoo, the bright metal chain twinkling in the light. 

“I’ve always had you in mind whenever I—I used any toys,” Kyungsoo blushed, dropping his gaze.

Jongin chuckled softly. “How heartwarming. Then I think I’ll put them to use today, hm? It’d be a shame to pass up this opportunity now that we’re here,” he said, setting them down on his desk. Then he returned to his gaze, taking out the bottle of lube and placing it beside the nipple clamps.

“One toy doesn’t sound like enough now, does it? I want you to remember this experience, Kyungsoo, so I think…” he grabbed at a piece of leather and held it up for Kyungsoo to see. “Perhaps this can be useful today.”

Kyungsoo wet his bottom lip, staring at the piece of leather and metal rings in Jongin’s hand.

“What is this?” he asked nervously.

“I believe you may have heard of it before. It’s called an Arab strap, my lovely Kyungsoo.” Jongin picked up the two metal rings attached to the leather and said, “These are cock rings. The leather goes around the testicles and holds them back while the cock rings keep your cock hard for me,” Jongin smiled darkly.

Kyungsoo understood what he meant right away. “…I promise I won’t come until you give me permission,” he mumbled.

“You say that now but wait till I’m inside you, fucking you over my desk and you’ll be begging for me to let you come. It is merely a measure of precaution, Kyungsoo. You have nothing to worry about as long as you’re a good boy,” Jongin said, rubbing his fingers over the smooth cock rings suggestively.

There was no chance for Kyungsoo to come at all if he had on two cock rings, one at the base of his cock and another at the tip of his cock. Jongin was sure he’d enjoy this particular toy; it was a form of restraint regardless, and it’d exercise Kyungsoo’s self-control.

 Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to say something, but Jongin cocked his head to one side and said, “You did say that I could do anything I wanted to you?”

“I did.”

“Excellent. There’ll be a higher chance of you coming this evening then,” Jongin said, putting the Arab strap down beside the nipple clamps. Kyungsoo’s mouth dropped open slightly at that, determination setting his mouth into a firm line. Jongin pointed to the glass window behind him.

“Stand against the window,” he said. Kyungsoo obeyed easily, standing to face the view of Seoul. There were cars up and down the streets, people milling around by the sidewalks like little ants. Seoul was still alive at rush hour, and Jongin wanted to show Kyungsoo off to anyone who might see.

“Undress,” he ordered Kyungsoo.

He obeyed, unbuttoning his shirt with a tremor in his hands, but he moved without hesitation, dropping his shirt on the ground and peeling his pants and boxers off slowly, revealing his half hard cock to Jongin. If anybody on the streets decided to look up at Jongin’s office they’d be rewarded a wonderful view of Kyungsoo’s pert ass, and Jongin smiled, watching the blush spread over Kyungsoo’s cheeks.  

“Come,” Jongin said, flicking a finger towards him. Kyungsoo took two steps forward obediently, hands behind his back. Jongin wondered if he’d ever get tired of this; it wasn’t hard to grow fond over Kyungsoo’s docile manners when they were playing like this.

 _Especially when_ somebody _is this excited to see me…_ Jongin thought, taking Kyungsoo’s cock in one hand and tugging slightly.

Kyungsoo went hard almost right away, and Jongin didn’t miss the flash of pleasure across his face, the flush over his flawless skin as Jongin fingered the tip of his cock. He could feel Kyungsoo’s cock grow bigger in his hand, and he kept his gaze on Kyungsoo’s face as he jerked him off gently, fingers dragging and dancing over the sensitive, heated skin.

“You like?” he whispered, tugging at his cock.

“Mm—yes,” Kyungsoo bit out, breathing heavily as he held back from making any noises. Jongin pressed his thumb over his cockhead on purpose just to see him gasp in surprise and push at Jongin’s hand instinctively.

Jongin chuckled, taking his hand away. His cock would do for now, hard and ready for Jongin.

He picked up the Arab strap and went down on one knee to put it on for Kyungsoo, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh to make him step a little closer. Kyungsoo braced a hand on Jongin’s desk as he watched Jongin unbutton the leather strap, fitting it at the base of Kyungsoo’s cock and tucking the strap between his balls. Buttoning it into place, he felt at Kyungsoo’s cock gently.

“Is it too tight?” he asked.

Kyungsoo shook his head.

“Feels nice to be strapped in?” Jongin asked, biting down on a smile.

Kyungsoo nodded shyly. As he thought, Kyungsoo obviously loved feeling like he was _owned_. He had remembered that moment in his bathroom while packing the toys into his briefcase when Kyungsoo wanted to know that Jongin owned him. Jongin felt a sense of fulfillment as well, like he had proven his right over Kyungsoo by putting the Arab strap on him. If only people could see this and they’d know right away who Kyungsoo’s body belonged to…

Jongin fitted the larger cock ring down his length first. It sat snugly at the base of his cock, attached to the Arab strap with a small piece of almost invisible rubber string as well as connecting it to the smaller cock ring. Jongin pushed the second cock ring around Kyungsoo’s cock till it couldn’t go any further and made sure it had a bit of space to give, not wanting to cut the blood circulation off.

“All strapped in and hard for me,” Jongin said, when he was done. He stood up, reaching for the nipple clamps next, and checked to see how tight they were by clamping one down on his finger.

“How tight is tight for you?” Jongin asked. It didn’t feel too tight, but Jongin wasn’t entirely sure how they’d work on Kyungsoo’s nipples.

“I can take them,” was all Kyungsoo said.

“I trust you’ll say something if your nipples are feeling numb?” Jongin said, unclamping the nipple clamp from his finger. He held both up in both hands to Kyungsoo’s pink nipples, approaching slowly.

“I will,” Kyungsoo nodded.

With that, Jongin placed the clamps over Kyungsoo’s nipples gently, placing them over the pink buds. Kyungsoo’s body shivered involuntarily at the sensation when Jongin let go of the clamps and the chain hung down heavily across his stomach.

“Quite a sight you are,” Jongin said approvingly, stepping back to see how Kyungsoo looked. His cock was flushed red, probably from the sensation of having his nipples pinched so tightly, and it was strangely erotic to see him totally naked except with his socks and shoes on.

“Do you think you’re ready for some real fun now?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo nodded. Jongin took a few steps back, sweeping the papers off his desk to the ground. Then he kicked the two chairs in front of his desk aside, motioning for Kyungsoo to come over.

Kyungsoo began to breathe heavily as he walked over to Jongin, standing before him with a flustered expression on his face.

“Put your hands on the desk,” Jongin ordered. Kyungsoo did so, turning around to face the glass wall. Jongin took off his coat, draping it over Kyungsoo’s bag and undid his tie, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt. He had intentionally worn a suit because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to use his tie as a blindfold or not, but decided that the Arab strap and the nipple clamps were enough. _Maybe next time_ , he thought. There would _definitely_ be next time.

Jongin didn’t take his clothes off on purpose, unzipping his pants and pushing his boxers aside to press his cock against Kyungsoo’s entrance. His pants chafed against Kyungsoo’s soft skin and Kyungsoo moaned loudly, pushing back on Jongin’s cock.

“Patience,” Jongin cooed, digging his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hair and pulling his head back slightly. Jongin rolled his hips against Kyungsoo’s ass cheeks to feel Kyungsoo’s bare skin on his cock, sighing in pleasure at his warmth.

“Do you feel how hard I am for your hungry little ass, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked, reaching a hand around Kyungsoo’s front to tug on the chain. He jerked with an incoherent noise, moving his legs apart to bend over a little further and press his ass to Jongin’s cock.

“I do, I want your cock inside me, please,” Kyungsoo said softly, his entrance clenching and relaxing like it was trying to get Jongin’s cock in.

“And how long have you dreamed and yearned for my cock inside you, here in my office while the world goes by through those glass walls? Anyone could see you like this, _anyone_ , and they’d know right away what kind of slut you are for me,” Jongin whispered in his ear.

“I don’t care,” Kyungsoo sighed, squeezing his ass cheeks together around Jongin’s cock and moving his hips up and down to rub all over Jongin’s length.

“I love being your slut, Jongin, I do,” he said helplessly.

“Do you want me to put my cock inside you, let everyone see how much you enjoy being stretched?” Jongin asked, reaching for the bottle of lube.

“Yes, please, Jongin, I want you to stretch me open with your cock—”

“And fuck your ass wide open till you’re so close to coming because you’re my slut and no one else’s?” Jongin cut in, pressing lube messily onto his fingers and dropping the bottle to the ground.

“Fuck me hard, please, Jongin—” Kyungsoo broke off with a hoarse cry when Jongin pressed two fingers into him at once, smearing lube all over his insides. His skin was warm as it clenched around Jongin’s fingers deliciously, milking his fingers hungrily like he couldn’t wait anymore.

Jongin couldn’t tell if it was the sherry Kyungsoo drank a few minutes ago or the fact that they could be giving a complete stranger from across the building a show, but Kyungsoo certainly was louder than usual today, mewling and moaning in his throat while he pressed his ass onto Jongin’s fingers. He writhed and moved for Jongin, taking his fingers in to the knuckles.

Jongin pressed a third finger in and let Kyungsoo sink down on it slowly. Kyungsoo showed no signs of pain or slowing down, bending over the desk and arching his back to suck at Jongin’s fingers with his ass with a wet sound. It was almost beautiful to see Kyungsoo acting so wanton just for Jongin’s fingers inside him and wished, not for the first time, that he could record this and show Kyungsoo how much his ass wanted Jongin’s cock.

 “I think you’re ready now,” Jongin said decisively when Kyungsoo trembled, a wave of pleasure crashing over his body. His ass tightened when Jongin said that, but Jongin pulled out anyway and Kyungsoo cried out pitifully, tears running down his face.

“Please fill me up, Jongin, I’m begging you, I-I missed your big cock inside me—” Jongin flipped Kyungsoo over roughly, the chain across his chest rattling lightly as he whimpered quietly. Jongin lifted him up by the waist, placing Kyungsoo on his desk and kissing him hard.

Kyungsoo cried out weakly against Jongin’s cruel kiss, wiggling backwards with his hands around Jongin’s neck to prop his legs up on the desk. Spreading his legs as far as he could across the desk, Kyungsoo broke off the kiss hurriedly and placed his sweaty hands behind him, leaning back for Jongin’s benefit.

“Jongin,” he breathed heavily, eyes half closed in delirious pleasure and excitement, “I wanna be good for you,” he whispered, the chain connecting the nipple clamps together winking in the light. His cock was impossibly hard and red, there were tears running down his cheeks already and all Jongin could think was _beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Kyungsoo_ over and over again in his head, hands caressing his soft thighs.

Kyungsoo’s head dropped back slightly in pleasure when Jongin touched his left nipple, toying with the clamp gently. “Say you’re a slut for my cock, Kyungsoo,” Jongin whispered, his dark gaze weighing heavy on Kyungsoo’s body.

“I’m a slut for you,” Kyungsoo repeated softly, toes curling as Jongin pressed a kiss to his sternum. “Jongin, please…” he begged quietly.

“Show me,” Jongin said, pressing his hands flat on Kyungsoo’s inner thighs. “Show me where you want me,” Jongin demanded. Kyungsoo lifted his hips up slightly, one hand moving forward to spread his ass open for Jongin to glimpse a peek at his puckered entrance.

“I want you here, Jongin, I want your hands all over me,” Kyungsoo moaned. Jongin lowered his face to peer at Kyungsoo’s entrance, cupping his hand over the slick warmth. Kyungsoo surged upwards, thighs tense and shaking as he tried to hold himself up on one arm. “Please, please, Jongin,” he pleaded, rolling his hips down on Jongin’s hand shamelessly.

“It seems like a lot to ask,” Jongin said blankly, pressing his hand tantalizingly against Kyungsoo’s hot entrance. His other hand tugged on the chain across Kyungsoo’s chest and he jerked at the feeling of his nipples being pulled, crying out incoherently.

“But I’m good for you, I’m your slut, Jongin, I just want to feel your cock inside me,” he begged, tears running down his face and dropping onto Jongin’s glass desk. 

“When you put it that way…” Jongin pressed his hand heavily on Kyungsoo’s waist. Kyungsoo took it as a sign to return to his former position and leaned back on both arms again, legs spread obscenely on Jongin’s desk.

He was going to have very fond memories of this desk if Kyungsoo was going to be this articulate with his words.

“Put your legs around me,” Jongin said, holding out his hands to grip Kyungsoo’s creamy thighs. Kyungsoo slid forward slightly, eyes trained on Jongin’s face wordlessly as he inched closer to Jongin’s hard cock. Jongin held Kyungsoo’s legs to his sides, slipping a hand underneath his supple ass to lift him upwards on his cock.   

“Hold onto me,” Jongin said warningly, and Kyungsoo’s hands scrambled to pull himself up against Jongin’s chest. He mounted himself on Jongin’s arms, breath harsh in Jongin’s ear as he gripped Jongin’s back tightly, lowering himself onto Jongin’s cock.

Jongin held his ass open, fucking him open inch by inch as Kyungsoo let gravity do its job and stretch his ass open. Kyungsoo whimpered and mewled against Jongin’s neck, bare skin brushing against Jongin’s clothes. Jongin could feel his tight ass gripping his cock welcomingly, pulsing as Kyungsoo approached the base of his cock.

When Kyungsoo felt the glass desk on his ass he sighed happily, loving the feel of being completely filled up with Jongin’s cock.

“Please, can I move for you?” he whispered in Jongin’s ear, kissing his jaw gently.

“You can,” Jongin bit out, feeling sweat break out on his skin. The heat from this afternoon seemed to come back with a vengeance as Kyungsoo tried to get a good grip on Jongin, moving around to get himself in a comfortable position.

Kyungsoo had a hand around Jongin’s neck and another over his shoulder for support when he settled nicely over Jongin’s cock and took a deep breath. Jongin waited patiently, kissing Kyungsoo’s cheek chastely. Kyungsoo lifted himself up slowly with his legs, Jongin’s cock sliding out of his ass as he moved upwards.

When there was only the tip of his cock left, Kyungsoo dropped down heavily on his cock once more, repeating the motion as carefully as he could, moaning quietly in Jongin’s ear.

Jongin could feel his legs tensing and relaxing each time he dropped down on his cock, fucking himself on Jongin’s cock greedily. He held Kyungsoo’s thighs tightly, closing his eyes and letting the pleasure wash over him, warm and sweet. Kyungsoo began to sweat in no time, soaking Jongin’s shirt as he threw his head back. His cock kept rubbing over Jongin’s shirt, heightening the sensations he was feeling and bringing him closer to orgasm with each slide of Jongin’s cock into his ass.  

“J-Jongin,” Kyungsoo hiccupped, lower half moving sloppily against Jongin’s still body. Jongin hummed in reply, eyes heavy lidded.

“I’m hard, Jongin,” Kyungsoo whined, one of his hands going to his cock.

“So?” Jongin replied lightly. Kyungsoo could touch himself till the day was over and he’d never come.

“I’m hard for you, Jongin, I want to come for you,” Kyungsoo said, words jerky as he continued to fuck himself on Jongin’s cock.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Jongin whispered, one of his hands cupping Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo leaned into his touch, his mouth dropping open in a sigh. His leg curled around Jongin’s figure like a vine, still trying to get Jongin to come inside him.

“I know you know, Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo begged, kissing Jongin hard with tears in his eyes. “Don’t leave me hard like this.”

“You’ll have to do better if you plan on coming this evening,” Jongin replied conversationally, licking Kyungsoo’s salty tears. “I-I want to come… I…” Kyungsoo’s frantic gaze met Jongin’s calm ones. “Please?” he tried again.

Jongin did not answer. He let Kyungsoo fuck himself that much harder on his cock, trying to express himself in actions and felt his orgasm slamming into him like a brick wall. Jongin groaned and dug his fingers cruelly into Kyungsoo’s hair, pulling back as his ass milked Jongin’s cock.

Jongin came into Kyungsoo’s ass in spurts, hips moving erratically to drag his orgasm out. Kyungsoo cried out loudly as if in pain, hands scrambling all over Jongin’s body as he tried to move faster, do something because he didn’t want to stay hard like this forever—

“Jongin, Jongin, please, I’m begging you, oh Jongin please—” Kyungsoo cried.

 “I’ll be your good boy, Jongin, please, make me come for you, I’ll scream for you Jongin, I’ll do anything— _Ah_ ,” Kyungsoo winced as Jongin pushed him back on the desk, his head clunking heavily over the edge of the desk. But it was fine because Jongin was moving now, thrusting into Kyungsoo so hard he was certain he’d be sore when this was over.

“Tell me you’ll be my good boy,” Jongin growled, hand over Kyungsoo’s cock while he pummeled into his ass.

“I am,” Kyungsoo sighed, pulling at the chain on his nipples, “I’m _so_ good for you.” The pain made him feel that much more pleasured, and he imagined the clamps to be Jongin’s fingers, pinching his nipples brutally, mercilessly.

Waves of pleasure washed over him repeatedly; he knew he was close, so close to coming already, “Oh Jongin, I’m your good boy, I—” he broke off with a loud scream when Jongin unsnapped the button on the Arab strap and tugged the cock rings roughly off his cock. In that second, Kyungsoo felt so painfully hard, harder than he’d ever been in his life and Jongin only had to jerk him off twice with his hand before he came, his body seizing up in surprise and pleasure.

His come streaked across Jongin’s shirt, over his stomach and pooled in a small puddle on the ground when his flaccid cock lay flat, as worn out as he felt. A red line circled near the tip of his cock and it hurt just a tiny bit when Jongin touched the red line, pleasure sizzling in his veins at his touch.

“No don’t, too sensitive,” Kyungsoo mumbled, pushing his hand away.

Jongin left his cock alone, but he should’ve known Jongin would try something else. He pulled out of Kyungsoo and tugged the nipple clamps off at the same time, causing him to hiss in pain and curl into a ball on his desk.

“Hey,” Jongin called, taking his hands and lacing their fingers together.

“Hm?” was all Kyungsoo could manage. His throat felt dry and he felt dry too, like he’d been squeezed out like a sponge. Jongin tugged him back up, standing between Kyungsoo’s thighs.

“You okay?” Jongin asked, fingering his now red nipples. 

“More than okay,” Kyungsoo said hoarsely, clearing his throat.

“I liked it,” Jongin said, patting Kyungsoo’s thigh.

Kyungsoo glanced back up at him. “You did?”

Jongin nodded, stepping back with his lips curled into a crooked smile. Kyungsoo huffed a laugh, looking away shyly.

“You’re such perv, I don’t even—” The both of them froze when something buzzed loudly, followed by the sound of phone ringing. Jongin frowned, digging into his pocket.

“It’s my phone,” Jongin said, his phone buzzing incessantly against his leg. _Just when we were having a moment_ , Jongin thought crossly. He hung up without checking to see who it was and shoved his phone back into his pocket, looking around the office.

“Do you need a tissue to clear up?” Kyungsoo asked, hopping off the desk and walking over to his crumpled pants on the ground. Jongin was going to give him a coherent answer but his line of gaze caught and followed the curve of his ass he moved and bent over to grab his pants. _Maybe we could go for a second round_ , he thought. Eleven was still a long time, after all.

Kyungsoo turned around to hand Jongin a tissue. He reached for it, a _thank you_ at the tip of his tongue when his phone rang again, vibrating in his pocket.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna get that?” Kyungsoo asked, placing the tissue in Jongin’s hand. “Apparently, I don’t have a choice,” Jongin muttered, digging his phone out again. He squinted at the caller ID; he already had a half a mind to bite this caller’s head off regardless if it was Sehun or Chanyeol—

“Dad?” Jongin frowned. Even Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow, dropping a used tissue into the wastepaper basket beside him. “You should probably get that then,” he said, turning away to give Jongin a semblance of privacy.

Jongin tapped on a green button on his phone’s screen and held it to his ear.

“Hello?” he could hardly believe someone from his family was calling him up, let alone try to comprehend why the fuck his father felt the need to call him out of nowhere.

“Son,” his father’s raspy voice rumbled on the other line.

“Dad,” Jongin said stiffly. Kyungsoo put his clothes on slowly, trying not to look at Jongin.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Been too long, boy,” his father chuckled. Jongin resisted the urge to roll his eyes; he never understood it when his father tried to make it out like they were two businessmen who weren’t related to each other in any way.

“Yeah. Look dad, I’m in the middle of something now—”

“Hard at work, I assume? Mr. Yoon just made a call to your driver and he says you haven’t left the Accuretta building,” his father said idly. Jongin swallowed the lump in his throat. Mr. Yoon was his trusted personal assistant and always did his father little favors. Clearly these favors included spying on his boss’s son. _Why’s he so nosy?_ Jongin thought. It was certainly new.

“There’s nothing to worry about, son,” his father said, mistaking his silence, “I only wanted to know if you had anything planned for tonight and it turns out we’re both free and in the same country at the same time. What a coincidence, hm?” Jongin laughed hollowly.

Mr. Kim was never free. There was always money to be made somewhere, people to see and land to develop. “A big coincidence,” Jongin said flatly.

His father chuckled. “It is… I’m at the mansion tonight, son. Join your mother and I for dinner, hm? What say you?” Jongin recognized an order when he heard it. As much as he disliked spending time with his family, his father in particular, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice. Mr. Kim didn’t make social calls.

“What time?” Jongin asked.

“Seven thirty?” his father replied.

Jongin said he’d be there soon and hung up before his father could say anything else, squeezing his phone in his fist. Kyungsoo appeared before him, hands hovering over his shirt. He had a wet tissue in his hand and tried to clean his come off Jongin’s shirt.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll go home and change my clothes,” Jongin said, taking his hands away.

“Is something wrong?” Kyungsoo asked, sensing the tension in Jongin. “My dad wants to see me,” Jongin said, doing his pants up.

“Wait, let me—” Kyungsoo pushed Jongin’s hands away, holding his cock in one hand and wiping it hastily with the wet tissue. Jongin sighed. “My father never wants to see me unless there’s a reason. He says he wants to meet for dinner tonight and I can’t refuse,” Jongin said, running a hand down Kyungsoo’s cheek.

Kyungsoo’s nimble fingers tucked his cock back into his boxers, deftly doing the fly up and buckling his belt on. “You have to do what you need to do then,” Kyungsoo said softly, looking up at Jongin.

He shrugged. “Story of my life. I think I’ll need another kiss for good luck, then I’ll have to go home to change out of my clothes and rush to my dad’s place,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo smiled, tiptoeing to give Jongin a proper kiss. Jongin licked at Kyungsoo’s lips, trying to coax another kiss out of him.

“Stop,” Kyungsoo broke off, placing a hand on his chest. “We’ll see each other during the weekend again,” he whispered.

“Hm, we will,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo turned around to pick up something and shoved Jongin’s briefcase at him. “Everything’s packed in already. You leave first, and I’ll go down once you’re gone,” Kyungsoo said.

“I’ll text you,” Jongin promised, taking his briefcase and walking backwards. Kyungsoo waved at him with a smile. “I’ll be waiting.”

*

Jongin tapped a nervous tune with his fingers on the leather seat beside him, his thumb in his mouth as he chewed his fingernail. The surroundings outside the car were familiar now, the greenery and the smooth ride bringing back memories of travelling this very road, thinking distant thoughts and building castles in the clouds. Jongin hadn’t travelled this road since three years ago.

His phone buzzed in his lap. _‘I know you’re nervous. Don’t be. Maybe it’s nothing.’_

“Huh,” Jongin snorted. Kyungsoo was trying to calm him down, sure, but _nothing_ certainly wasn’t the reason why he was here, weaving through a private road to his father’s residence.

Jongin had gone home to change into another outfit less than twenty minutes ago, trying to choose something that would fit the occasion. Of course, he’d have a much better time figuring out what to wear if he knew why he was going to pay his dear father a visit, but he had no fucking clue at all.

He decided on a grey suit, one that would probably be suitable for pretty much any event, in case his father had something tricky up his sleeve. Maybe he wanted to introduce Jongin to some investors or something, though again, he could’ve just said so instead of leaving Jongin out of the loop.

He had spent the entire ride home trying to figure out why he was being summoned to his father’s place and even now, with less than five minutes before he’d be on his father’s front porch, he couldn’t think of something that explained everything. If his father wanted to poke around to see if Jongin was free, it was possible that he sniffed around as well to see if Jongin had anyone in his life worth noting.

 _What if he knows about Kyungsoo?_ Jongin asked himself.

That was something he didn’t want to think about. He _didn’t_ care about what his family thought of him but he’d have to take a lot of shit from his parents regardless; how could he do such a thing, how could he be so careless with the family name, how could he have committed such an atrocity with another _man_ …

 _Who could’ve told him though?_ he thought, glancing at Mr. Lee. No, whoever told his father didn’t matter. What mattered was how Kyungsoo would take the news and if he’d be affected at all. _He doesn’t deserve to be pulled into all this_ , Jongin told himself.

Still… _Maybe it’s really nothing_ , Jongin thought.

Perhaps a little caution when he was around Kyungsoo would be necessary now, and that’d be it. His father probably didn’t know a single thing about what he was doing with Kyungsoo, after all. Nothing was confirmed at this point.

 _God, I have to stop worrying about things like this_ , Jongin thought, running a hand through his hair in frustration and rubbing his dry eyes. He remembered a saying he’d read somewhere that one only worried about things when they were either guilty or too anxious. He _was_ feeling a tiny bit guilty about Kyungsoo, but Jongin was determined not to let it show. He’d keep his cool and live through this dinner, sexual activities be damned.

Maybe all his father wanted to was feel him up and see if he was hiding anything. Well, two people could play at this game. Jongin had watched his father do this for the past twenty plus years of his life; obviously he’d picked up a thing or two along the way.

 _Right then_ , Jongin thought. Mr. Lee was turning into the path leading to his father’s front porch now and Jongin needed to get his shit together.

 He looked down at his phone and typed out a quick reply: _‘I’m here now. Text you later.’_  

When Mr. Lee got out of the car to get the door for Jongin, he was calm and poised, ready to face his father. He gave Mr. Lee a curt nod in silent thanks and stepped forth towards the large doors of the mansion.

Mr. Yoon, Jongin’s father’s henchman was there, waiting for him with an unfathomable smile. He had grey thinning hair and rather small eyes like a rat. Jongin never liked him, not once during all the years of growing up with his presence by the sidelines and still couldn’t find it in his heart to like him now.

“Young Mr. Kim, it’s been too long,” he said, bowing slightly. Jongin did not return his bow but instead smiled tightly at him.

“I suppose it is. How has my father been?” Jongin asked.

“Well. He often speaks of you,” Mr. Yoon said, not caring to elaborate on what his father might’ve said about Jongin. Probably not so nice things. Jongin wasn’t exactly a golden boy after all. He didn’t say anything after that, allowing Mr. Yoon to lead him through the doors and down the empty hallways of where Jongin grew up, the white, pristine walls still the same as ever.

The mansion wasn’t as big as an estate like Chanyeol’s family mansion, but it was a mansion regardless. Jongin called it home once, before he felt a disconnection, a rift between himself and his family. He couldn’t even pinpoint the reason or when he started to feel this way, but when college ended he knew he couldn’t live under the same roof with his family anymore.

Something had changed, and it couldn’t be undone.

Still, he couldn’t help feeling melancholic as he noticed the little details in the mansion, imprints he’d left when he lived in this place.

There was that crystal chandelier he’d damaged when he was ten while playing baseball with his sisters. Of course, he took the blame because he was the youngest and the maids had to clear up the mess, and even now as he looked up at it, he could see a spot where a crystal or two should be dangling.

Then there was that streak of red paint in the corner he’d spattered across the wall with his second eldest sister when they were going through their Chinese calligraphy years (he was trying to be a scholar at the time and felt compelled to spread his wisdom on the walls). They could never quite get rid of the stain no matter how hard the maids scrubbed and it was left alone now, since no one would actually notice it unless you knew it was there. _They were good times while they lasted_ , Jongin thought bitterly.

Mr. Yoon took a turn to the left, where the dining room was. Jongin followed, leaving the haze of his childhood memories behind.

The smell of herbal chicken soup wafted through the hallway as they neared the dining table. It brought memories he’d rather not think about, happy though they might be. Jongin closed his eyes, tracing his footsteps from memory. He didn’t open his eyes till he knew he was standing at the fireplace, facing the large mahogany table that could easily fit ten people around it with ease. The lights were a touch too bright for his taste in the room as usual, and there were the old obscure paintings hanging on the wall, paintings he’d never cared for but always seemed to hold favor in his father’s opinion.

Said father always sat with his back facing the fireplace and turned when he heard Mr. Yoon and Jongin enter the room.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

“Son,” he smiled widely, one of those smiles that always made Jongin feel just a tiny bit shy about himself, like a child would feel shy at a parent’s words of praise.

He hated himself immediately for feeling that way, of course, because it went against his thoughts of this man before him. As much as he hated it, he didn’t _like_ his father but he still _loved_ him, somehow, somewhere deep in his heart and always felt a sense of fear and respect for him.

“Dad,” he smiled reluctantly back in return. Jongin’s father still had that air of command around him as he stood up to greet Jongin, his deep set eyes taking in Jongin’s face, clothes, everything. His mother was there at the other end of the table as well, her dark hair done up in a neat chignon. She was in her favorite Chanel two piece outfit and looked the same as ever, if not a little choked up at the sight of her only son.

Jongin was pulled into an unexpected hug and patted his father on the back, suddenly feeling choked up himself. “What’s with the hug, dad?” he croaked.

“Hug? What hug?” his father said gruffly, releasing him. He grabbed Jongin’s hand and squeezed it tightly, giving him a once over glance.

“You look good, son. You’ve grown into a fine man,” his father said, eyes shining wetly in the light. Jongin’s mother nodded at the end of the table, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief delicately. “We haven’t seen you in a long while, Jongin,” she said kindly.

It _did_ feel like a long time. Three years didn’t sound like a long time but lots of things had happened in that period of time.

 _Like Kyungsoo_ , the words came unbidden. He brushed the rush of guilt aside quickly. He didn’t want the waterworks to start without even figuring why he was here.

“Sit, sit, son,” his father said, motioning to a chair beside Jongin. They sat down with Jongin’s father at the head of the table and with Jongin at his right hand, the way his father always wanted it to be.

“Now that you’re here, we can start eating, son,” his father said, smiling at him. Mr. Yoon, who had been watching everything silently, bowed and made his exit.

“Dad, what—” Jongin started to say, but his father waved his questions away dismissively. “Son, I know you have a lot of questions. It’s unusual for us to be in the same country most of the time and today, I just wanted to see how my son was doing,” his father said.

Jongin took it as a hint that the real conversation wouldn’t start till they were halfway through dinner at least. His parents probably had more questions for him than he had for them anyway.

“Jongin, we’ve missed you, my boy,” his mother said from across the table. Jongin smiled shyly at her, fiddling with the fork and spoon in front of him. “I know. I’ve thought about you,” he replied.

Jongin always felt a twinge of regret as the only son for leaving his mother alone to deal with his father, but inside he always knew she was strong enough to be by his side. His children, not so much. There was a reason he and his siblings kept a distance, after all; his father could be ruthless when he wanted to, in so many ways.

 “How has everything been for you? Your father was just telling me you were at the office awhile ago,” his mother said.

“Um, everything’s great. Nothing’s been too much trouble and Suho’s always there in case I need him,” Jongin said. His father chuckled at the mention of Suho; he was always fond of Suho.

Jongin suspected it was because of his spotless image and his easy charms; Jongin knew better but chose not to burst his father’s bubble. _He wouldn’t believe me anyway_ , Jongin thought. His mood soured slightly, but he tried to keep his mood light. It wouldn’t do to get upset at something as small as that.

“Suho… How has he been? Taking care of things for you, I assume?” his father said. Jongin knew he didn’t mean it that way, but it stung a little to hear those words from his own father. If he didn’t trust his son to take control of his company then why pass it over to him?

 _Fuck, keep your cool_ , he told himself, _you know this is how he is._

Shake him up then take what you need, Jongin remembered the words his father said when he was seventeen. It was a business tactic to suss things out, and Jongin couldn’t believe that after all these years, even to his own family, his father could use this sort of approach.

Though Jongin had expected it, the real thing felt different; reality always worked that way.

“ _We_ take care of things together, actually,” Jongin said, subtly putting himself and Suho as a team. Jongin’s father had told Suho to mentor Jongin, in short, because Suho had entered the corporate world first. Of course, his father didn’t know how close they were and that Suho’s version of mentoring Jongin was to do his homework.

His father chuckled. “I’m sure you both do,” he said. _What’s that supposed to mean?_ He thought. He wasn’t feeling too good about this.

Servants entered the dining room with bowls of rice. They were silent as all the side dishes came pouring. His father must’ve been overseas for far too long; there were 12 side dishes today to go with their rice (usually they only had six or seven) as well as a small clay pot of ginseng chicken broth for each of them.

Jongin’s stomach rumbled at the sight of home cooked food and ate heartily, placing pickled radish and dried anchovies on his rice before scooping it up to his mouth. _Nothing beats comfort food_ , Jongin thought.

They were quiet for perhaps ten minutes, eating in comfortable silence. His father was picking at his chicken when he spoke up: “Son, tell your mother and I about what you’ve been up to these past few years. Are those rumors true, boy, about you and that model or some other girl from Germany—”

Jongin chortled on his rice. It was a bit of a tizzy two years back, when Jongin was far too laid back and partied way too hard with that sort of crowd. He’d gone out with a leggy German model but once, and the tabloids lapped it up, labeling them as the next ‘ it couple’; she came from a good family too, but what the tabloids didn’t know was that she loved snorting cocaine and heroin up her slender nose, anything she could get her hands on in powder form.

Jongin tried not to involve himself with drug addicts; they were always boring people. He’d learnt that lesson from her, and once he spent one night with her in Vegas it was enough for him. Her legs kept getting in the way…

“She’s nothing. It was just a fling,” he said. His mother and father shared a relieved look across the table.

“Good, son, good to hear that. Her father wanted to do business with me but I wasn’t sure if you had something serious enough with her,” he said. Then he went on, “What about that girl then, the one after the German? What was her name again, something ridiculous…”

Jongin thought about it and said, “Mimi?”

His father nodded. “I do hope you haven’t been seeing her, son, she was wilder than a stray growing up on the streets—”

Jongin’s mother tutted at his father, laughing a little. Jongin laughed weakly.

That girl was a fling too. He couldn’t even remember how he met her, it must’ve been at some party sometime ago, but could clearly hear her tinny, high pitched voice in his head as he pictured her short hair and thick makeup. _She was great at kissing though_ , Jongin thought regretfully. Most party girls were good, yes, but it was clear there was no future between them.

“Then you haven’t been seeing anyone these few months, boy? I haven’t seen much of you in the news,” his mother said.

Jongin stilled. Oh, he was definitely seeing someone now, it was just that they weren’t in the sort of relationship you’d bring up to your parents. “Nope,” he said, “I haven’t found someone worth seeing and neither have I the time.”

He thought his father looked disappointed. “It’s alright, son, keep looking. I didn’t meet your mother till I was 35, and by then I thought I’d leave this world alone. Now, I have your mother with me every day,” his father smiled at his mother.

Jongin nodded, keeping his eyes locked on his rice. It was too early to say Kyungsoo was someone special to him, but he certainly had no intention to look for someone else till he knew everything was over between himself and Kyungsoo. “I still have time,” Jongin said.

“Time is a fleeting being, son,” his father admonished. “Don’t despair, boy. Don’t despair,” he said wisely.

“I’m not,” Jongin laughed. “When the time is right I know the right person will come along,” he said, just to get off the subject. They asked him a few questions after that, about what was happening at Accuretta, and since Jongin had spent so much time today reading those stupid reports, he recited everything to his father quite easily. 

“The deal with Yifan is closed. We’re just gathering material and manpower to start up the factory now,” Jongin said.

“Will you be going to China in my stead for the opening?” his father asked. Jongin blinked; he’d forgotten about that. _God, not Guangzhou again_ , he thought. “If you can’t go then I will,” he said.

“Perhaps we could go together. Give the public a united front,” his father said. Jongin shrugged. If his father could be there in China then that would be great; Jongin wouldn’t have to give a speech then, since his father was such a fan of giving long, dragging speeches.

“Yeah, sure, sounds great,” Jongin said easily. He was almost done with his meal now, with only the broth left to finish up in front of him. The conversation seemed to have reached a full circle and they ate quietly at the table in a somewhat uneasy silence. Jongin felt like he should speak up but what could he say to his father whom he hadn’t seen in three years? There was just too much and yet too little at the same time.

When the servants came to take away the empty dishes and returned with caramel pudding, Jongin was starting to doubt all the reasons he’d come up with to explain why his father spontaneously decided the three of them should have dinner together.

 _Maybe there’s a slight chance he’s getting old and he wants to make up for everything he’s done_ , Jongin thought, _or to be more precise, the things he never did when I was growing up._

His father didn’t touch the pudding he was served. Instead he picked up the small dessert spoon idly, watching Jongin closely. Jongin didn’t quite feel his gaze till he thought it was a little too quiet on his left and glanced at his father, who had a secret smile on his face.

That was when a shiver ran down Jongin’s spine and all those questions from before resurfaced in his head; why did he ever think his father would change?

“You know, son, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” his father said softly.

Jongin’s blood went cold but he didn’t show it, continuing to eat his pudding. His mother was quiet at the other end, her expression suddenly solemn.

“What is it?” Jongin asked. _Does he know about Kyungsoo? Does he want to confront me about him? What do I say?_ His hands started shaking. Jongin fisted his left hand under the table while he placed his spoon down and pretended to turn towards his father with a questioning look. His heart raced in his chest as he waited for his father to say something.

“The truth is, son, I’ve been keeping tabs on you for the past few months,” his father started, and Jongin’s heart dropped into his stomach. Keeping _tabs_? God, why now of all times to spy on Jongin? He would never have laid a finger on Kyungsoo had he known his father was watching him.

“…And though your progress was rather… lackluster at first, I see a real improvement these days,” his father continued. Jongin frowned. Progress?

“You see, boy, I’m not going to live forever,” his father grimaced, “somebody has to be around to keep things going. Your sisters have done me proud overseas as you might’ve noticed, they’ve made a name for themselves without ever having to mention my name…” Jongin tried not to wince at the implement in his words, “but it doesn’t change things over here.

“I’ve watched you, my boy, from afar, and though I don’t say it often enough,” his father reached over to take his hand. Jongin’s hand was trembling, but his father didn’t seem to notice as he looked into Jongin’s eyes.

“I’m proud of you, son. Jongin, I know you were reluctant to take up the mantle all those years ago but I can tell now that you’ve started making an effort to keep the company together.” Jongin relaxed just a little bit as the conversation steered away from his personal life, but was still apprehensive on what his father was trying to say.

“Is that all you wanted to say to me?” Jongin asked. His father chuckled away, shaking his head.

“Of course not, my boy. I’ve got news for you, son, great news,” his father beamed.

Jongin wasn’t sure why, but he could feel goosebumps all over his skin and his heart dropped further into his stomach at that. If it was great news for his father, it meant bad news for Jongin. He didn’t want to hear what his father was going to say but he was stuck to his seat, with no way out of this situation.

“W-what…?”

“Accuretta, boy. Accuretta Systems… I’ve signed it over to you. It’s all yours now, Jongin, my empire shall be the foundation of yours, starting from Accuretta. It’ll take a while before the news can get out, but I thought it best that you heard this from me in person,” his father said.

Jongin sat there, feeling stunned. Accuretta? Signed over to _him_? “But… why?” Jongin choked, feeling the blood draining from his face. The tremors started up again, this time with a vengeance and Jongin almost couldn’t breathe. This was too sudden, too much at once for him. He was just thinking of taking a week off less than two hours ago, for fuck’s sake.

“What do you mean ‘why’, son? Because you deserve it,” his father smiled, though Jongin could tell this wasn’t the reaction he’d been expecting, “You deserve a head start in the corporate world, son, and I’m giving it to you. Three years ago, I could see that you weren’t ready for it but now… Now, you’re different, Jongin. You can take over Accuretta Systems now, and I’m giving you my blessing.”

 _But I don’t want to take over Accuretta_ , he thought at once. _I don’t want a head start in the corporate world, I don’t want a company with my name on it—_

“I can’t—I’m not going to take it, dad, it’s too much for me,” Jongin squeaked, taking his hand away from his father’s hold. His mother looked on anxiously while his father had the grace to look hurt.

“It’s a gift, Jongin, you don’t get the chance to say no to it,” his mother said softly. Jongin felt like he was being ganged up on.

“It’s too much of a gift, mom, you don’t understand—”

“I told you, son,” his father said gravely from beside him. “I’m not going to live forever and someone has to take care of the family legacy. If not for me, son, then do this for the future of this family. Would you like to see all this taken away from your children, your grandchildren and their grandchildren? All these opportunities are only offered to a chosen few, son. Wouldn’t you like this family to be a part of those chosen few?” his father pleaded with him.

Jongin had nothing to say against that. Besides, his father had said that he’d signed the company over already. He could fight this, but he couldn’t undo what his father had done. Accuretta belonged to him now, whether he liked it or not.

“Will you take it, son?” his father asked, begged, taking his hand once more. Suddenly his father looked old, weathered and beaten down to Jongin, like all the years he’d lived through just crashed down on his father all at once. He could see the wrinkles on his face, wrinkles he didn’t notice were there, the liver spots on his father’s hand.

 _Don’t take it_ , a part of him urged. How was Jongin supposed to be a leader to a company of more than three thousand staff, including Kyungsoo, when he couldn’t even handle more than three days of coming into the office? He wasn’t built for this; he never was and didn’t understand the blind faith in his father’s eyes.

“I… I will,” Jongin said, defeated.

-

Jongin swirled the wine around in the wineglass absently, watching the red liquid move in circles and stain the walls of the wineglass almost gently, leaving translucent yet reddish patches in its wake. It was possible that he’d been drinking too much, but Jongin thought the Lord should forgive him this one time.

 _Accuretta_ , Jongin thought. Accuretta Systems was under Jongin’s name now. The thought of it was unnerving, to be honest.

Something inside him told him to be rational; he had this coming the minute his father had put him on the board and gave Jongin his office. His father had told him that it was training to go into the corporate world and Accuretta was to be treated like it was his own company because it’d belong to him soon. In the back of his mind, he’d been expecting it, just. _Just not like this,_ Jongin thought.

He just never thought it’d be quite so soon, as in within this decade soon. He sighed heavily, drinking up the wine.

The sun was coming up now; Jongin could see the pinkish orange sky blazing brightly from the open balcony. Cool wind blew the curtains up like wraiths, constantly reaching for Jongin at the sofa. He looked at the table beside him and two wine bottles stared right back at him, one empty and the other well on its way to having its contents drained into Jongin’s throat. _Two bottles in one night alone_ , Jongin thought. It was a new record for him. 

Strangely enough, he didn’t feel very drunk. Just wistful, thoughtful and very much afraid of the coming months.

 _Or_ month _, to be exact_ , he thought. His father had said something to him last night before Jongin had left the mansion: “It’ll take a month or less to process everything and we can officially let the press know about this. I think it best to keep this to yourself for at least two weeks, and then the board members will be notified of your new position.”

Jongin couldn’t bear it, keeping this secret to himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep and that was why he turned to the wine, trying to get himself tipsy but instead all it gave him was more and more thoughts. He wanted to tell Suho and Sehun about this; they’d know what to do and what to say but… what good would it do, really? There was only so much in their power before Jongin would have to be on his own.

 _I don’t even know if I should go into the office_ , Jongin frowned, _I probably shouldn’t_. The hangover wouldn’t hit right away but it’d definitely hit him full blast sometime soon since he was out of wine now.  

 _I just want the year to end and everything will have happened without me going through it,_ Jongin thought, sinking into his sofa and wrapping his arms around himself, one leg propped up on the sofa in an inappropriate but comfortable position.

 _God_ , he thought, _one minute I’m about to take a long weekend off to rest and the next minute I’m thinking about work so much that I can’t even sleep._ Talk about mood swings.

“It’s just you and me then,” Jongin said to the half empty wine bottle on the table. “I trust you to take all of this away till I’m ready to face it,” he said, and ignored the way his voice slurred as he spoke. Leaning over, he poured what was left in the wine bottle into his glass and held it in both hands, inhaling the rich scent of grapes before drinking all of it.


	13. every Saturday night I seem to come alive for you, baby

There was a fumble. A few shuffles, and then another fumble followed by three sharp noises. “Jongin?” someone called. The voice sounded fuzzy, faraway and distorted. Jongin couldn’t tell who it was at all, but he or she was disturbing his nap.

“Go away,” he mumbled softly, doubtful the person at his door could hear him. At least he said it aloud; that way whoever it was could be charged in court for disturbing Jongin with no valid reason even when he told them to bugger off. Couldn’t the world tell he wanted to be alone? He already turned off his phone to prove it…

It was quiet after he mumbled at the person to go away. He dropped his head back down on the sofa, trying to settle back into sleep when the noises started the fuck up again.

“Doesn’t sound like he’s home. Maybe he’s at his parents’ place,” someone suggested. _Yes_ , Jongin thought. _Please go away and leave me in peace_. A rumble blossomed slowly in his gut, but he ignored it. Like the noises and the guest—or guests— he hoped it would go away quietly.

“His driver said he hasn’t left the place since last night. His cars are all in, so I doubt he’s not inside,” another someone said.

 _Dear Lord_ , Jongin thought with a groan, why couldn’t his friends leave him be? The rumble in his gut slowly moved down the scale and started to itch and twist into a painful knot. Still, Jongin didn’t feel up to getting off the sofa. Moving around would alert his friends outside anyway. Maybe there was a slight chance they’d just go away—

“Did you hear that? It sounded like a squeak, like the floors creaking or something,” a voice said. Jongin could tell it was Suho.

“Told you he’s in.” Sehun.

“But if he’s in then why’s he ignoring us…” Chanyeol said, his voice fading out. There was a reply from either Suho or Sehun that Jongin couldn’t quite catch, and then the banging started. “COME ON, WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE,” Sehun’s voice said loudly through the door, somehow managing to sound bored instead of irritated.

Despite the pain in his lower abdomen, Jongin sat up with much difficulty, glaring at the door balefully. “No,” he managed to say, loud enough that the guys could probably hear him now. His mouth felt like it’d been stuffed with stale tasting cotton.

“What d’you mean ‘no’, you idiot, open up before Suho manages to find your apartment key in his stack of keys,” Sehun answered.

Jongin thought for a moment, and then said, “No,” again, collapsing on the sofa. God, his bones felt like they weighed ten tons. The hangover was definitely here and it had him in its tight grip. The pain in his stomach was verging on uncomfortable now. _Gotta puke soon_ , Jongin thought, clambering down on all fours to the ground very carefully so as not to jolt his stomach.

“Hey, hey, guys, I think I got it. Chanyeol, try this key,” Suho’s voice said. There was a jangling noise and Jongin tried to crawl a little faster. He wasn’t sure why he was trying to get to the bathroom before they came in but it seemed rational and he moved like a demented crab, trying not to jostle his stomach too much.

Jongin wasn’t paying too much attention to his friends by the time he was at the toilet bowl, barely making it into the bathroom before he puked his dinner from last night. There was a strong, herbal taste in the back of his throat and it only made him feel even more nauseous. When Chanyeol, Sehun and Suho found him, he was heaving and gagging loudly, hugging the toilet bowl as if his life depended on it.

“Why do I feel like I’ve seen this before?” Sehun said dryly. Suho gave him a scathing look that said ‘shut up, now isn’t the right time to be snarky’. Sehun sent him a bored look; he’d seen this all too many times in college. Chanyeol peeled his velvet gloves off his fingers, approaching the bathroom slowly.

“Jongin, you need to stop drinking yourself to oblivion like this,” Chanyeol said wisely.

Between heaves, Jongin managed to say, “Ha,” and his mouth lifted in a half smirk. “Smart,” Sehun remarked. Jongin turned to the toilet bowl again, puking up whatever that was still in his stomach.

“Is there a reason why you’re drinking so much all alone, Jongin?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin held up a finger, dry coughing into the toilet bowl. It felt like there was nothing left inside, but wracks of nausea had his gut in countless knots. _This is probably my punishment for expecting Jesus to forgive me_ , Jongin thought miserably.

When he finally managed to reach for the handle to flush everything down, Jongin felt like a bag of bones and skin, nothing more. He breathed heavily, leaning against the bathtub for support.

“Still waiting,” Chanyeol chirped, standing by the door. Sehun and Suho were looking through his closet. _Nosy perverts_ , Jongin thought. Thank God he kept his spare room locked on weekdays. But he had to conserve his energy and chose to ignore them, turning his gaze to Chanyeol.

“N… No reason,” Jongin croaked hoarsely.

Chanyeol sighed. “I know you only drink when there’s a real problem or if you want to party. Clearly there hasn’t been a party in here otherwise I’d have been invited, there’s only one wineglass outside and sadly, your clothes are still on. Jongin, what the fuck, man? Do you know how worried we all were?”

“I’m touched,” Jongin mumbled.

“You should be! I hurried over the minute Sehun sent me a message saying that he thought you were dead…”

“Makes my job a whole lot easier,” Sehun called from the closet. Jongin could see him holding up a pair of pants to his waist and checking himself out in mirror set into the door of Jongin’s closet. _How conceited of him_ , Jongin thought.

“Glad to hear that you missed me,” Jongin said to him. Sehun sent him a sly smile.

Then Suho filled up the entire doorway of Jongin’s bathroom, his face concerned and hands fidgeting nervously. “Jongin, seriously. Why didn’t you take any of our calls?” he asked, “We wouldn’t have known but your driver actually called us up and told us that you hadn’t left the apartment the entire day since he sent you to your parents’ place last night…”

“Huh,” was all Jongin said. How nice of Mr. Lee. Still, it would’ve been nice to be left alone for the entire day for him to just contemplate the meaning of his life.

“And I heard your dad’s in Korea too. Has this,” Suho motioned with his fingers, “got anything to do with him?” he asked.

“It has nothing to do with him,” Jongin replied immediately, his voice cracking mid sentence.

Chanyeol nodded once, as if he’d been waiting for Jongin to say that. “It’s definitely about his dad,” he said, looking at Suho. Jongin rolled his eyes. Sometimes he wished he’d never told his friends about the tumultuous relationship between himself and his father. It was a part of him he didn’t want to be reminded of.

Suho entered the bathroom, getting down to Jongin’s level to look at him in a pitiful way. Jongin didn’t want his pity. He was such a fucking cliché, to be honest; rich kid about to inherit an empire he didn’t want from his own estranged father. It was enough that he felt sorry for himself; there was no need for people to start a pity fest for Jongin.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jongin said.

“I’m only looking at you like this because you look like shit,” Suho replied. “I guess I should’ve known that your father would try to contact you. Hasn’t been home since 3 years ago, has he?” Suho said thoughtfully. Jongin shrugged eloquently. _Very blasé_ , he thought. Yes, he’d try to keep it that way.

“I honestly didn’t know your dad came home anyway, till this morning. I’d have warned you about him and you’d have time to stay away,” Suho said, looking around the bathroom. Jongin frowned at him.

“I’m not upset just because he’s home, you know,” Jongin said. Did his friends really think he drank himself into a stupor just _because_ his father was in Korea? Jongin would’ve laughed were it not for the fact he was sprawled on his bathroom floor like a rag doll. He was made of much tougher material than that.

 _But not tough enough to take over Accuretta_ , he thought, swallowing thickly. He could taste bile on his tongue.

“Then what is it?” Suho asked, blinking in mild surprise. Sehun poked his head through the doorway. “You admit you’re upset then,” he said flatly.

Jongin scowled at him. Sehun chuckled. “You know, for someone who says he hates his dad’s guts, you really do let him get to you.” Suho tutted at Sehun, but Jongin just waved him away.

“No, Sehun’s right. I just… I don’t know, whenever my dad comes around it’s just,” he shrugged, “it’s never a good sign.”

“What happened?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin’s thoughts automatically went back to when his father said it was better to keep things quiet. But why should it be quiet? Jongin wasn’t a sneaky bastard who liked keeping secrets, especially big ones like this, from his friends. _Tell ‘em now, two weeks from now…_ _Why should it matter?_ Jongin figured.

“Dad called me over for dinner last night,” Jongin said, struggling to sit up. His stomach felt empty and hollow, but at least he wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore.

“He was real nice to me, asking me questions about who I was seeing, what I’d been doing since he was gone and…” Jongin shrugged. “When dinner was almost over, he just came at me out of nowhere and said,” Jongin deepened his voice to imitate the timbre in his father’s voice, “‘Son, I’ve signed over Accuretta Systems to ya.’”

“What,” the three of them said flatly in unison. Sehun and Chanyeol shared a look. “We both lose then, huh?” Chanyeol said. Sehun shrugged.

“Did you guys make a bet on me?” Jongin asked.

“We always bet on you, what’s wrong?” Chanyeol shrugged. Sehun smirked at Chanyeol. “Thank God I can keep my money then. I was starting to think I’d been betting a little too big on Jongin…”

Jongin rolled his eyes. Suho had his eyebrows furrowed in confusion beside him. “So wait, he just signed it over to you? Why? I mean, not that you don’t deserve it—”

“I don’t deserve it, I really don’t. It’s a big ass company and I really—” Jongin groaned, “thinking about it just makes me sick to the stomach. I can’t even cook, Suho, and my dad just has to push Accuretta off to me at the worst possible time—”

“Jongin owns your ass now, Sehunnie. Literally,” Chanyeol said to Sehun. He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t like the thought of that,” he muttered.

“Neither do I,” Jongin said sadly.

“But you do realize that whether you like it or not, Jongin, you still have to lead this company from now on? No wait, it takes time to transfer everything to your name…” Suho trailed off, thinking hard.

“It’ll take a month before the entire world will know how pathetic I am at running my dad’s business,” Jongin muttered. He really wasn’t ready for it, any of it at all. He didn’t know how to be a leader to a large crowd, didn’t know how his father could command a stage so easily, didn’t know how to run a company… He was under qualified, in other words, and in his opinion, the wrong person for the job. Suho would make a great CEO, or maybe even Sehun. Anyone but Jongin would do better.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. True, running a company as big as Accuretta won’t be easy, but you have the board members, us… We’re all gonna be here even if your father doesn’t own the company,” Suho chided him.

“What if some of the board members leave because of me?” Jongin pouted.

“Trust me, you’re the real key man. They can all leave but with your father signing all the authority over to you, it won’t matter if they’re not there. Your dad’s got influence,” Suho nodded.

“But I can’t make big decisions,” Jongin protested. “I’ve never made a big decision in my life. The biggest decision in my life was if I should get a white or black Pontiac,” Jongin held his hands out desperately. “I can’t do this,” he croaked.

Suho reached out to pat his knee. “Jongin,” he said in his mom voice, “Jongin, listen to me. You have made big decisions before. It just didn’t feel big because you didn’t over think it like right now,” he said reassuringly.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Jongin snorted.

“Moving out of your parents’ place. Remember? You didn’t like it, but you did it in the end because it felt like the right thing to do.” Jongin sighed. Sure, that was a milestone in his life, but it wasn’t a decision that affected the lives and livelihood of at least three thousand people. And that was just those people working in Korea; the factories in China required staff, and those were Jongin’s people too.

 _And one of the three thousand happens to be Kyungsoo too_ , Jongin thought. He’d forgotten all about him. He felt sort of nauseous again.

“Jongin, you don’t have to be afraid of taking over the company, you know,” Sehun suddenly said. They all looked at him. 

“You were doing just fine till you didn’t come into the office today, and honestly, you have people working for you, Jongin. These people do your work and all you really have to do is give everything the okay sign. The meetings are boring yes, but think about all the money that’s gonna come in. Business is just a game, Jongin, and you only need a little common sense and a plan to win the game.”

Jongin’s chest felt heavy. “I dunno,” he muttered under his breath.

“A word of advice, Jongin,” Chanyeol said to him: “Just take things slowly. Don’t over think shit, and you’re gonna be fine. Trust me on this. You’re a descendant from your father, Jongin, you had to have inherited at least a bit of his skills.”

“But what if the company falls into shambles? What’ll happen to me then?” Jongin asked.

“Take it as a lesson,” Suho suggested. “Never a failure, always a lesson, yeah, I got it,” Jongin rolled his eyes. He didn’t need philosophy right now. If failures were lessons, then failures were expensive and hard to swallow. And God help him because most of all, failing was embarrassing.

“Jongin, there’s always going to be a lot of if’s in life. The only way to deal is take it by the horns, y’know,” Sehun said. “Maybe wave a red cloth at it too,” Chanyeol added.

Jongin frowned. Why would someone metaphorically wave a red cloth at a bull representing life? He decided not to comment on that. “It’s just… I don’t think I was ever ready for Accuretta,” Jongin shrugged. That was just the basic truth of it all. It didn’t feel like he’d ever be ready.

“Leaders weren’t born,” Sehun shrugged. “If you really have a problem with being a CEO anyway, I’ll be there as your PA still. You’re not alone in this.”

They could convince him all day in his bathroom, but Jongin knew he’d have to face the truth sooner rather than later. _I own Accuretta Systems now_ , Jongin thought, turning the words over in his head. Sounded weird and awkward. He looked up at his friends.

It was stupidly naïve and maybe slightly childish to think this way, but it felt a little bit better to know that his friends would have his back.

 “Get dressed,” Sehun said to Jongin after a quiet moment.

“Hm?”

“We’re all going to dinner together.”

“Dinner?” Jongin frowned. Wasn’t it dawn a while ago? He could’ve sworn it happened less than an hour ago…

“Yeah. It’s dark outside already so get moving, I’m hungry,” Sehun said, kicking his foot for emphasis. Damn, Jongin had slept through the day like a polar bear in hibernation. He didn’t even feel well rested, he could tell there was a headache inevitably on its way already.   

-

It was eleven thirty p.m., half an hour to midnight. 

Jongin switched his phone on, anxiously waiting for it to boot up. He had turned his phone off shortly after he left his father’s mansion last night; he wasn’t sure who was calling or sending him texts but it had been annoying at the time and he’d switched his phone off without too much thought.

Now that he was in a better state of mind and could remember who he last texted however, his guilty conscience was in overdrive. He didn’t shut Kyungsoo out on purpose but it happened like that anyway and Jongin was practically sweating with anxiety now even though the air conditioning was on.

 _Does he hate me now? Does he think_ I _hate him now ‘cause I don’t, I still want to bang him for the entire weekend…_ Jongin chewed his on thumbnail, biting down absently.

About three hours ago, Jongin had showered and left with the guys for dinner. He didn’t know if they were doing it on purpose, but they brought him to some kind of holistic-herbal-gourmet restaurant and every fucking dish had ginseng in it. He had nothing against ginseng but it did kill his hangover immediately and though he was feeling fine now, his headache still lingered.

 _Maybe it’s because my phone’s taking too damn long to turn itself on,_ Jongin thought, rolling his eyes. It took another minute before his phone finally pinged to life.

Message after message came in, some from his service provider informing him that he had 16 missed calls from Suho’s number, only three from Sehun, nine from Chanyeol and astonishingly, one from Kyungsoo. He made a face; Kyungsoo had never called him up before.  Kyungsoo must’ve been more worried than he thought.

He looked through his other notifications. There were 178 messages from the group chat Chanyeol had added him into and he quickly scrolled through them to get rid of the notifications. He read a few of the messages though; some were quite disturbing on Sehun and Chanyeol’s part.

Sehun: _‘I think he’s dead. I tried calling, but he didn’t answer. Rejoice, Suho. U r our leader now.’_

Suho: _‘He can’t be dead!_ _L_ _’_

Chanyeol: _‘Nah he ain’t dead he knows dying young is like dying in Vegas.’_

Suho: _‘I’ll keep calling him… We should stop by his place later. What do you guys think???’_

Chanyeol _: ‘Is a top hat appropriate for a funeral?’_

Sehun: _‘Yes.’_

Some kind of friends Jongin had, indeed. But those messages were hardly anything compared to the four measly messages Kyungsoo had sent him. Jongin wasn’t sure if he wanted to die or read the messages first. The first one was from last night at around midnight.

_‘How did everything go?’_

_Badly,_ Jongin thought. _Very bad_. The next message came at eight in the morning, and the following came from one in the afternoon.

_‘Is everything alright? Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry if I did.’_

_‘I called but you didn’t pick up. What happened? Are you okay? If you’re busy or something then just tell me. I won’t bother you anymore.’_

“God,” Jongin said vehemently, gripping his phone tightly. He definitely owed Kyungsoo an apology for making him worry like this. Jongin didn’t want people to worry over him, especially not Kyungsoo when he had his own problems. The last message from Kyungsoo was at five p.m. on the dot. He probably sent the text the minute he got off work.

_‘Jongin, are we still on for this weekend? A yes or no would suffice.’_

Rubbing a hand over his face, Jongin dialed Kyungsoo’s number. He wasn’t sure what to say and whether or not it’d be alright to talk about it over the phone like this. _Would Kyungsoo even believe me?_ Jongin thought, waiting for him to pick up.

After eight long rings, the call went through. “Hello?” Jongin said hesitantly.

“IS THAT YOU, JONGIN? YOU LITTLE SHIT, TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH TO CALL BACK—” Luhan’s voice broke off into a squawk of pain and there was a series of shuffles before Kyungsoo’s voice said breathlessly, “Hello? Jongin? Is that you?” He sounded a bit incredulous; Jongin didn’t blame him for it.

“Um. Hi,” Jongin said sheepishly. “I guess it’s me.”

“H-Hi, I um, I didn’t think you’d call—” his voice was interrupted by Luhan again.

“Let me hear too, put it on speaker so I can hear—” a loud thump effectively shut him up, though Jongin wasn’t sure for how long.

“Can you just hold on?” Kyungsoo said. “Yeah,” Jongin replied, amused. Then there was a loud sound over the line like someone crushing newspaper right at the phone before Jongin could hear Luhan shouting quite clearly, “I just want to listen! I won’t say anything else, I promise, Kyungsoo, don’t be so— no, no, NO, NOT THE POSTER, NO!”

Finally, a loud slam and Kyungsoo was back.

“… First of all, it isn’t what it sounds like.”

“You mean you weren’t threatening Luhan with his Byakuya poster and you’re not locked in your own bedroom right now? Oh, sure, I believe you,” Jongin said, biting down on a smile.

“I’m actually in _his_ bedroom, so we can’t talk long before he gets paranoid and thinks I’m sitting on his bed…”

“GET OFF MY BED IF YOU’RE SITTING ON IT,” Luhan’s muffled but still loud voice said in Jongin’s ear. It was like a three way call except Luhan wasn’t invited into this conversation; how bizarre. “I’m not on your bed, so go away. I’ll cook you something in a minute, okay?” Kyungsoo called, voice sounding a little far away from the phone.

“You were saying?” Kyungsoo said after that, clearing his throat.

Was Jongin saying something a minute ago? He couldn’t remember. “Um. I wasn’t saying anything, I think. But I do think I owe you an apology for not replying your texts and calling you back sooner than this,” Jongin said nervously. 

“O-oh, you don’t have to apologize for that, I wasn’t expecting you to—”

“No, I should. I um,” Jongin couldn’t think of an excuse for his behavior. “I just got a little carried away, is all. I’m fine now though, thanks to my friends.”

“Mm,” Kyungsoo hummed, and said nothing more. There was an awkward silence. _Shit_ , Jongin thought. There had to be a better way to have this conversation.

“So um, I guess we’re still on for this weekend, if you want to come,” Jongin said.

“I do. As in, I do want to come,” Kyungsoo laughed nervously, “I just… I thought you were busy with work or family, maybe.”

“I’ll never be busy with family, you can trust me on that,” Jongin said. It was supposed to be a bad joke but Kyungsoo didn’t laugh. “Kyungsoo?” Jongin said softly.

“Hm?”

“Hyung, I’m really sorry I didn’t call you back. And there’s something I need to tell you but I don’t think I can tell you over the phone. It’s a long story, kind of, in a way and you,” he faltered, “you deserve to hear it from me.”

“Are we going to break up?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding a little shocked.

“No,” Jongin replied, rolling his eyes. Then he thought better of it. It wouldn’t be a breakup necessarily, but it would be… similar. Like living apart. Or to be more specific, keeping their lives separate from one another in the public eye.

 _It’ll be hard to see Kyungsoo once I’m officially CEO_ , Jongin thought. How would that affect them as a whole?

“We’re not going to break up or anything like that, but… I think what I need to tell you will affect us somewhat anyway. I want you to know though, that I wish it wouldn’t change anything about us,” Jongin said hastily.

“Well, sometimes things change,” Kyungsoo said, almost sadly. “What time do you want me to come over?” he asked.

For a moment, Jongin didn’t understand and thought Kyungsoo wanted to come over now but he quickly realized what Kyungsoo meant and scrambled for an answer. “Uh… What time is good for you? Like last weekend, in the afternoon?”

“Okay, I can do that. I’ll come over at one then. Is there anything you want me to bring over for you, soybean tofu, fried pancakes…?”

“No, just yourself,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo laughed weakly. “O-okay. See you on Saturday. Bye,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Bye,” Jongin said, reluctantly hanging up after a few seconds.

 _That went well_ , he thought. In his humble opinion anyway. He’d know for sure if it did go well this Saturday. _If Kyungsoo comes over at all then it’s probably a good sign_ , he told himself. He couldn’t wait for Saturday to come and at the same time, he was dreading bringing all this up with Kyungsoo.

 _I don’t have a clue what he’ll say about it_ , Jongin thought. What if Kyungsoo didn’t want to sleep with him after that, or worse, have nothing to do with him? _Maybe I can try tomorrow and see if I can’t get a private moment with him._

For now, all he could do was rest up and prepare himself for tomorrow.

*

Friday flew by in a haze.

Sadly, Jongin spent the day at the office with hardly a moment to think about sneaking away to see Kyungsoo and maybe break the news to him a little earlier. Suho and Sehun were in his office all day, constantly drilling him to read this and go through that and explain what it meant. As much as he appreciated their help, it was tiring nonetheless.

Jongin was grateful the weekend came relatively quickly. He could use some time off to think about things, after all. Maybe Kyungsoo could help him think, among other things.

He woke up at ten forty five without an alarm and went about with his bathroom routine, taking a nice long shower to wash away the week’s exertions.

There had to be a clear line between working hours and his own leisure time to do what he wanted. Obviously, for the weekend all he wanted to do was Kyungsoo and hoped Kyungsoo wouldn’t be difficult with him today.

 _What should I use on him later?_ Jongin thought, lathering his body in shower cream, going through a mental list of all the toys he had in his head. There were a whole lot of items he had yet to use on him. Jongin wanted to put a vibrator up his ass and fuck him at the same time but wondered if it was too early for that; it seemed like a big stretch for someone who’d lost his virginity only a week ago. If Kyungsoo wanted that though, Jongin sure as hell wouldn’t mind.

 _The swing’s never been touched_ , Jongin lifted an eyebrow. Damn. It seemed a bit early but Jongin would _love_ to see Kyungsoo strapped into the swing. _He’ll have to decide for the both of us today_ , Jongin thought, standing under the cascade of water coming from the shower head to wash the suds away.

At this rate, almost anything could do for Jongin, as long as he could get his hands on Kyungsoo’s supple ass and feel his smooth skin soon.

It seemed like one o’ clock would take eternity; Jongin saw that it was eleven thirty when he left his room. Jongin refrained from eating to make space for whatever Kyungsoo wanted to bring him (not that he had an appetite, he was actually quite nervous), just sticking to coffee and sitting down at the sofa, watching the news just to see if anything major happened. His father was apparently still in Korea, hanging out with a few politicians on Friday for a ‘casual afternoon lunch’.

Jongin scoffed. His father never did casual and certainly wouldn’t start now, not when he was so far down the road. He bet his father was trying to procure a favor out of the politicians; no doubt he had an ulterior motive for sure.

The news ended after Jongin finished his coffee. He was in deep thought, wondering how he should bring up the delicate matter of his new position to Kyungsoo when someone buzzed in at his front door from downstairs. He frowned; there wasn’t supposed to be anyone coming over except Kyungsoo.

 _Is it one yet?_ He glanced at the clock. Nope, it was only twelve fifteen. Maybe it was the postal service; sometimes Chanyeol sent him clothes through the mail, though it was rare for anything to arrive on a Saturday.

He went to get the door anyway, pressing a button to turn on the screen and see who it was.

Colors and shapes flickered over the screen for a moment, before it focused properly. “Hyung?” Jongin frowned at Kyungsoo’s face in the screen. He looked sweaty and red in the face, as if he ran all the way here.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo smiled weakly. “Sorry I’m late,” he said.

“Late?” Jongin repeated blankly.

“I know, I know, I’ll make it up to you. I’m really sorry,” Kyungsoo mumbled, his already red face turning a bright red.

“Hyung, it’s twelve fifteen,” Jongin said flatly. “You’re not late, you’re… actually really early.”

“What?” Kyungsoo frowned, looking at his watch. “Says one fifteen on my watch though,” he said, shoving his watch at the camera for Jongin to see. _How strange_ , Jongin thought. His watch really did say one fifteen.   

 “Are you busy with something? I could come back later if you want, though I think you got the time wrong,” Kyungsoo said, lifting an eyebrow.

“I’m not doing anything, you can come up now. And you’re the one who’s got the time wrong,” Jongin laughed, buzzing him in. Kyungsoo’s scowl was the last thing Jongin saw before the screen blacked out. “Well, well,” Jongin said to himself, more than slightly amused. He wanted one o’ clock to come along a little faster but got Kyungsoo instead.

 _Thank you, universe_ , Jongin thought, pointing up at the ceiling. Very nice of the celestial beings or gods up in the sky to send Kyungsoo to Jongin forty five minutes early.

Jongin was waiting at the front door patiently for Kyungsoo when he came out of the elevator. He looked tiny when he walked over, not to mention short in long sleeves and full length pants while carrying an eco-bag with something bulky in it. It was summer, for fuck’s sake, and Jongin could not understand people who covered up all the time during the sunniest months of the year.

“Hyung, why are you completely covered up? Did I really leave that many marks on you?” Jongin asked as he took the eco-bag from Kyungsoo so he could take his shoes off.

“No,” Kyungsoo snapped, blushing as he undid the laces on his sneakers. “I don’t like getting tanned is all.”

“Don’t you feel warm though?” Jongin asked, peering into the eco-bag to see what was inside. The smell of something deliciously greasy rose from the container in the bag; Jongin guessed it was probably their lunch.   

“I’m used to it,” Kyungsoo shrugged, standing straight with his shoes in one hand. Jongin stepped aside for Kyungsoo to enter and dug the container out of the bag, opening the cover slightly to take a peek at its contents.

 “Ooh, did you bring kimchi fried rice?” Jongin said excitedly, going over to the kitchen to put the container down and get a spoon. Kyungsoo had to shut the door and put his shoes aside by himself, entering the apartment somewhat cautiously.

“Yeah. Have you eaten?” Kyungsoo asked, looking around.

“No, I was waiting for you,” Jongin said, searching for cutlery in the drawers and smiled in triumph when he found forks and spoons in a drawer.

“You’re sharing it with me, right?” Jongin asked, taking out two sets of cutlery and placing it at the counter.

“I don’t mind if you want to finish it… Is it really twelve fifteen?” he asked, going over to Jongin’s living room where a clock hung on the wall. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened slightly when he looked up at the clock.

Jongin was too busy digging into Kyungsoo’s fried rice to care what time it was. It tasted good as usual, just like something he’d expect from a small restaurant. “Don’t worry about the time, hyung, just come over and eat with me,” Jongin said over his shoulder, patting the stool beside him. Damn, his fried rice was good. It wasn’t too dry or too moist and sticky; the flavors were on point…

Kyungsoo was puzzled as he came over to sit beside Jongin absently at the counter. “Why is my watch and alarm clock at home offset by an hour if it’s only twelve fifteen?” he asked in a deadpan voice.

“I dunno, did someone prank you or something? Sehun used to wake me up in college and tell me it’s six when it’s like, five in the morning,” Jongin replied, scooping more rice into his mouth.

“Did you bring any soup, by the way?” Jongin asked.

“Didn’t have time to make any. I brought this though,” Kyungsoo said, snapping out of his thoughts long enough to rummage through his bag and place a plastic cup of instant seaweed soup on the counter.

“Works too, I guess,” Jongin said, his mouth full. Kyungsoo automatically stood up to get hot water for Jongin, still deep in thought.

“But no one I know is idiotic or crazy enough to prank me like that. Who would have access to my alarm clock and—” Kyungsoo stopped mid sentence, hands halfway tearing the paper over the plastic cup of soup.

“Could use some seaweed soup, you know,” Jongin said, trying to be subtle. Kyungsoo turned around, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Jongin thought Kyungsoo was going to murder him for hurrying him up but then he said, “That fucker _Luhan_.” He sounded ready to kill someone with his bare hands.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse like that when we’re not having sex—” Jongin dodged a cloth thrown at his face, almost choking on his rice in the process.

“I’m not some kind of prude, you know,” Kyungsoo muttered, already turning away to prepare Jongin’s soup, “and I’m going to kill Luhan soon.” Jongin laughed, shoulders shaking as he tried not to spit his rice out. Kyungsoo ignored his struggle, calmly pressing for hot water at the coffee machine and placed the plastic cup before Jongin.

He was chewing on his second mouthful of rice when Jongin was finally over his fit of soundless laughter. Kyungsoo gave Jongin a dry look as he ate.

“You sort of _are_ a prude, hyung, you know that, right?” Jongin said slowly, trying to keep his laughter down. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, scraping the bottom of the container to push a portion of rice to his side of the container.

“I’m not, I’m just not vulgar, alright?” he said.

“But you _are_ a prude. I mean, you had your first time with me just last week—” Kyungsoo slapped hand over his thigh, not painfully but enough to indicate that Jongin should shut up before Kyungsoo decided that he deserved more pain. The smack came as a surprise to Jongin, if anything; who knew Kyungsoo was so easy to agitate?   

“Don’t talk about sex like that, it’s…weird,” Kyungsoo shuddered. Jongin relented, biting down on another rated R comment and ate his fried rice quietly, watching Kyungsoo eat at a much slower pace than him.

Jongin swallowed his rice and opened his mouth to say something. “Hyung, do you—”

“What was it—”

They stopped at the same time and looked at each other. Kyungsoo’s mouth curled up into an embarrassed smile a second later, looking down at his fried rice.

“You go first,” Kyungsoo said.

“No, the oldest should speak first,” Jongin said playfully, wiggling his eyebrows at Kyungsoo. It made Kyungsoo laugh a little, and Jongin relished at the sound of his laughter; Kyungsoo didn’t seem to laugh much.

“Fine then. I don’t mean to bring this up so suddenly but, um… you said that there was something? That you needed to tell me?” Jongin faltered slightly at that, chewing on his rice thoughtfully.

Kyungsoo caught his reaction and quickly said, “If it’s not something you think you can talk about then it’s alright, you know, I can wait—”

Jongin shook his head, sipping at the hot soup. “I’m fine with talking about it, hyung, it’s not like, a big thing. Well, it is but the whole point is that I’m fine with talking it through with you, I just…” Jongin dragged his gaze over Kyungsoo’s body, “you might not let me touch you again, that’s all.”

Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow. “What is it? Are you a certified pedophile or something? Or a sex maniac, maybe?”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “ _No_. Although ‘sex maniac’…” he made a sound of appraisal in his throat, “maybe some people could attest to that, but no, that’s not what this is about.”

“What is it then, this subject that you’re fine with and yet so evasive about?” Kyungsoo said, keeping his tone light, but Jongin could hear the nervous wavering in his voice. He was sure Kyungsoo was very curious; it was just his reaction that Jongin was worried about.

“I’ll tell you then,” Jongin said, sounding braver than he felt, “It’s about Accuretta. And my dad. And me, as well, obviously,” Jongin mumbled, putting his spoon down. There were bits of rice still left, sticking to the sides of the container but Jongin suddenly didn’t feel too hungry. He hated feeling nervous.

“I was at my dad’s place, as you know, on Wednesday. We were having dinner and it was kind of nice for a while. I really thought that maybe it was nothing after all, like you said, but it was anything _but_ nothing. My dad, he’s…” Jongin paused for a split second, “He signed Accuretta over to me.”

Kyungsoo blinked. He tilted his head to one side curiously, “…And?”

“ _And_ I’m expected to run a company that I don’t want a month from now. _And_ I don’t like going into the office. _And_ , most of all, it means less time to, y’know,” Jongin shrugged eloquently, “play around. With you.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said, a little loudly, now properly comprehending what Jongin was saying. “Oh,” he repeated, clearly thinking hard.

“You uh… You don’t _have_ to make time for me, you know that, right?” Kyungsoo started to laugh nervously. “If you don’t have the time to meet me, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine,” Jongin insisted. “I _want_ to make time for you hyung, I like spending time with you even if you’re so infuriating sometimes. It’s just that… It’d be kind of against the rules if we were to see each other. You do realize that, right?” Jongin asked slowly, lifting an eyebrow. Clearly Kyungsoo didn’t quite get it yet.

“Against the rules? Why? Are you illegal now?” Kyungsoo asked, widening his eyes at Jongin.

“ _I’m_ not illegal but _we_ will be considered illegal if we get caught seeing each other. For real, this time,” Jongin added.

Kyungsoo stared at him for a long moment. Jongin gave him a knowing look as if to will Kyungsoo to understand what he meant because surely he didn’t have to point it out, and after what seemed like an hour of staring at each other Kyungsoo finally got it.

“Shit…” he breathed.

“Yes, it’s very shite, I know.”

“We… we can’t see each other because you’ll be an official employee—Oh God,” Kyungsoo moaned, covering his face with his hands.

Jongin chewed his lip. This was going well. “Look, hyung, all we have to do is make sure we don’t get caught is all—”

“No! No, no, no, we can’t sneak around people’s backs! It’s _against the rules_ ,” Kyungsoo hissed, his face going red again. His skin had faded back into its usual shade of cream only a minute ago but now he looked like he was going to explode soon.

“I’m fully aware that it’s against the rules,” Jongin pointed out.

Kyungsoo made an angry noise. “I know you know, don’t make jokes at a time like this. I—We—My God, we have to break up now, don’t we?” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Ah. That’s where I thought we could still do this and keep it all under wraps,” Jongin said brightly. “You see, we only have to break up if there’s really something between us. And…” Jongin gestured at himself and Kyungsoo, “is there really something going on here? Because as far as I’m concerned I thought we were just keeping things really casual…”

Kyungsoo nodded slowly, “Well yeah, we _are_ just casual. That’s how it’s always been and how it should stay,” Kyungsoo said, stiffening his back suddenly.

“Okay, but how does that solve anything? We’re casually seeing each other. So?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin thought he sounded a little vehement but went on carefully, “Since we’re casual, that would just mean fewer outings in public. That includes meeting up in the office to have fun,” Kyungsoo blushed, “eating out… We can always get takeout anyway, so I think we’ll do fine.”

“You’re not suggesting how to solve this problem at all, you know,” Kyungsoo said dryly, “you’re just coming up with ways to continue our… _casual_ thing that we got going on here.”

Again, Jongin could sense the vehemence behind Kyungsoo’s words but didn’t understand why he was getting upset about any of this. _Maybe he’s just worked up about breaking the rules_ , Jongin thought. Kyungsoo certainly was the kind of person who played by everyone else’s rules. But not Jongin; there was always a choice.

“Hyung,” Jongin said rather seriously, taking both of Kyungsoo’s hands into his own. They were clammy but Jongin didn’t care; he met Kyungsoo’s gaze with his own level eyes, trying to calm him down.

“Do you honestly want to end this?” he asked. Kyungsoo shook his head numbly.

“Then we’ll work together on this. I’m willing to try and it takes two for this work so _we_ should be on the same page before doing anything else.”

“But, Jongin, a lot of trouble will come out of this. I could lose my job; you could lose credibility with investors and all that… for what? Just some petty relationship that won’t last through this year—”

“I don’t think it’s petty, what we’re doing,” Jongin disagreed. “I think you’ve shared some very personal details with me and so have I, and that makes us one step above friends with benefits. We’re like…” he tried to think of a proper word, “dating. Except we’re not dating conventionally, of course.”

“We’re not dating,” Kyungsoo repeated petulantly.

“We’re doing what most couples who’re dating platonically wish they could do, that’s for sure,” Jongin replied, and Kyungsoo slit a glare at him before stifling a giggle.

“It’s not just about sex for me though. You know that, right, hyung? I’m not just... sleeping with you because I feel like it. I mean I _do_ feel like it, I’m just not doing it based entirely on that reason alone.” Kyungsoo lifted and dropped a shoulder eloquently, looking over at Jongin’s living space distractedly.

“I guess.”

“Oh, come on. I wouldn’t invite just anyone to my apartment. Ask Sehun or Chanyeol,” Jongin said, squeezing Kyungsoo’s hands.

“I wouldn’t go over to anyone’s apartment too, y’know. You get that too, right?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin nodded.

“I do get it. I know you don’t just sleep with anyone, hyung, so it’s partly why I’m still here trying to convince you that sneaking around isn’t a complete waste of your time. It’s my responsibility to make you feel good, if nothing else.”

“What makes you think that’s your responsibility?” Kyungsoo laughed, trying to take away his hands. Jongin held on, tugging him forward. Kyungsoo slid off his stool with a surprised noise and Jongin pulled Kyungsoo closer by grabbing his waist and wrapping his ankles around Kyungsoo’s calves.

“Because you like me,” Jongin replied as if nothing had happened, looking into Kyungsoo’s eyes. They were the same height like this, with Jongin seated and Kyungsoo trapped between his legs.

“You like me and you like all the things you let me do to you… Right? Otherwise you’d be out of the door, running for the hills because it’s ‘against the rules’,” Jongin said, brushing a hand over Kyungsoo’s jaw line. Kyungsoo’s breathing was uneven and tense, like he was holding his breath. Kyungsoo’s hands lingered over Jongin’s thighs as he kept his gaze lowered from Jongin’s eyes.

“I do like you,” Kyungsoo admitted. “But it’s not fair for you to use it against me,” he accused, sounding breathless.

“It’s the only thing keeping you here. You can’t blame me for using everything I can get my hands on,” Jongin said huskily, his hand on Kyungsoo’s waist trailing its way over Kyungsoo’s ass. Jongin pressed his other hand to the back of Kyungsoo’s neck and leaned forward to kiss him, deepening the kiss by angling his head to the right.

Jongin groaned when Kyungsoo swiped his tongue tentatively into his mouth. “No wait, Jongin— s-stop, it’s actually wrong to do this now,” Kyungsoo suddenly broke off, his lips a little wet and not just slightly swollen.

“There’s a lot that’s supposedly wrong about us,” Jongin replied, feeling a little dazed. He wanted to kiss Kyungsoo some more; it was very rude of Kyungsoo to just break off like that…

Jongin kissed Kyungsoo again, his hands going up Kyungsoo’s shirt to run over Kyungsoo’s smooth and warm skin. He liked that Kyungsoo’s body had a bit of give to it and that he could pinch Kyungsoo’s flesh gently and feel him keen into his mouth as they kissed. Kyungsoo ran both hands through Jongin’s hair, holding Jongin’s face close.   

Jongin was sliding a hand under Kyungsoo’s boxers to feel his ass when Kyungsoo broke off once more, breathing heavily. “Um, maybe we shouldn’t—like, I think we should go slow this time, you know? I—”

“You want slow sex, hm? I’ll see what I can do,” Jongin smirked and Kyungsoo quickly pushed at his chest, keeping his face as far away from Jongin’s mouth as possible.

“No, I wasn’t talking about sex at all. I mean I was— it’s just not time yet,” Kyungsoo said lamely, pointing at the clock above Jongin’s TV. It was now twenty minutes to one and Jongin looked at Kyungsoo in amazement.

“Are you really saying that we can’t have sex because it’s _not one o’ clock yet_?” Jongin demanded.

“We just ate,” Kyungsoo shrugged sheepishly. “Shouldn’t we let it all settle before we move on to… other things?”

“Humph,” Jongin grumped. He didn’t know why Kyungsoo was being so ridiculous sometimes. But he knew he couldn’t touch Kyungsoo if he didn’t allow it or didn’t want it, and so released his ankles around Kyungsoo’s legs, letting his hands drop to his lap.

Kyungsoo gave him a questioning look. “Um. What is this?”

“You said we should take it slow,” Jongin accused, twisting around to return to his cold rice. He scrapped at the bits left onto his spoon while Kyungsoo stared at him in bewilderment. “I know. I said ‘slow’, not stop,” Kyungsoo replied, placing a hand over Jongin’s wrist.

“I didn’t want you to think that I’m—like, rushing you or expecting you to…” he trailed off in embarrassment.

“To fuck you? No offense hyung, but you did come here for that,” Jongin replied, tone unkind. It came off sounding harsher than he intended it to be, and he instantly regretted it when Kyungsoo took his hand away.

He could feel the hurt emanating from Kyungsoo even if he wasn’t looking at him. _And his rice still tastes good even when it’s cold… Fuck_ , Jongin thought, turning to look at Kyungsoo while he chewed on the last mouthful of fried rice. He was chewing his lower lip and standing there awkwardly, looking lost.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo replied a little too fast for it to be an honest answer. “No, it wasn’t,” Jongin growled, turning to face him again.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin motioned for him to come over with his arms wide open. Kyungsoo shuffled over, placing his head on Jongin’s shoulder and an arm over his back. Jongin patted him gently, glancing at the time.

“One o’ clock is eighteen minutes away… what should we do for eighteen minutes?” Jongin asked.

“I don’t know. I thought you had the entire day planned out, actually,” Kyungsoo answered honestly. “And don’t bite my head off at that, I really have no idea what you want to do,” he added hastily.

Jongin chuckled. “I won’t. I was going to ask you what you wanted though. We haven’t tried the swing yet, y’know, but as much as I’d like to try it out I’m not sure if you’re ready for that.”

“Oh. The swing,” Kyungsoo leaned back to look at Jongin, “It’s a little daunting.”

“And you want to go slow so fine, that can wait for another week…” Jongin continued to think about what they could do. Something not too extreme, something simple, without any risk of hurting Kyungsoo too much…

“We could watch TV?” Kyungsoo suggested. “Just till it’s one, so that y’know, we can take our minds off it and then come back to it when we’re more,” he jiggled his shoulders, “relaxed.”

“Or I could make out with you on the sofa while watching TV. Would you like that?” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo nodded shyly. “Good then. We’ll just kiss like real people do. On the sofa,” Jongin said, standing up and leading Kyungsoo away from the kitchen.

“Wait, we should soak the container—”

“Not this again,” Jongin groaned. Kyungsoo bit his lip and gave the empty container one last look before he gave in and walked over to the sofa with Jongin, sitting down and reaching for the remote control to turn the TV on.

Jongin didn’t give much of a chance to see what was on before he sat down and grabbed Kyungsoo’s chin, turning his head to face him and kissed him hard on the mouth. Kyungsoo wound an arm around Jongin’s shoulders immediately, kissing him back with as much passion as he could muster.

Jongin relentlessly bit down on Kyungsoo’s bottom lip with blunt teeth, making Kyungsoo gasp and pull away, only for Jongin to lean closer to him till they were both lying down on the sofa, half of Jongin’s body draped over him while Kyungsoo’s hands busied themselves by touching him; his chest, his arms, his abs. Kyungsoo’s fingers trailed over each bump gently; it felt ticklish and kind of hot at the same time to Jongin.

He wasn’t sure if this was Kyungsoo’s idea of ‘going slow’ but Jongin’s cock went hard pretty quickly as Kyungsoo kissed him without holding back anything, as if he’d been waiting for years to kiss him like this with such ease and without thought. Kyungsoo had never acted this freely with Jongin before but he liked it nonetheless. It meant that Kyungsoo was comfortable with him and Jongin truly appreciated that. It felt _real_ to be with Kyungsoo like this.

Kyungsoo made the softest of noises in his throat as they kissed languidly. Jongin tried half heartedly to keep his hands to himself but it was hard when Kyungsoo had his own hands all over Jongin too, and Kyungsoo’s skin was _so_ lovely to the touch, like living silk. He tugged Kyungsoo’s shirt out of his pants to run his hand over Kyungsoo’s stomach and chest, brushing his fingers over Kyungsoo’s nipples.

“What time is it?” Jongin muttered between kisses.

“Mm… Don’t know,” Kyungsoo muttered back, sucking at Jongin’s lower lip. It surprised Jongin that he had the nerve to do that and he tried not to smile as he glanced up at the clock. Clearly, somebody has been taking notes whenever they kissed.

“It’s ten to one, hyung, don’t you think we should… slow down?” Jongin whispered against his chin, lapping at Kyungsoo’s tongue gently.

“S-shut up,” Kyungsoo blushed, and Jongin pinched his nipple in retaliation. Kyungsoo jerked beneath him, more from reflex than in pain; it suddenly came to Jongin that he had toyed with Kyungsoo’s nipples not too long ago…

“Are your nipples fine or should I be gentle with you today?” Jongin asked roughly. Kyungsoo caressed his hair absently with his hand, kissing Jongin a few more times before he realized it was a question and said, “Uh, they hurt just a little. But I’m fine, really—”

“It’s alright if it hurts, I’m not going to be disappointed in you. We’ll just have to concentrate on other parts, that’s all,” Jongin smiled, resting a hand on Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Other parts? L-like where?” Kyungsoo asked. He sounded a little nervous, though he had no reason to be. Jongin already had something naughty but painless in mind and smiled at Kyungsoo, running a finger down his cheek.

“Hyung, have you ever been sucked off?” he asked slowly, staring at his mouth.

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, looking up at him with unblinking eyes. He shook his head jerkily, biting his lip.

“I thought so. I was thinking that maybe we could change that today, but with a little something extra thrown in so that you’ll most likely keep this memory with you for a long, _long_ time,” Jongin palmed at Kyungsoo’s crotch gently, feeling his length through his pants. Kyungsoo was quite hard already and Jongin knew exactly how to remedy that.

“ _You’re_ going to suck _me_ off?” Kyungsoo asked breathily, as if he wasn’t quite sure what Jongin was hinting at.

“It’s not like there’s anyone else here to do it for you,” Jongin shrugged nonchalantly, tugging on his cock ever so gently. Kyungsoo arched his back towards Jongin when he tugged and slid a finger under his balls to rub at the sensitive skin, teasing him mercilessly.

“ _Ah_ —Jongin, please, I want you,” Kyungsoo said softly, sitting up with his hands digging into the sofa.

“I know, but you were the one who said it wasn’t time yet,” Jongin replied, releasing his cock to reach under his pants and slide past the waistband of his boxers, wrapping his hand around his length to tug at it properly. Kyungsoo’s face scrunched up as if in pain, but Jongin knew it was he was far from suffering when he moaned and lifted his hips up into Jongin’s touch.

“D-don’t tease, please,” Kyungsoo begged, placing his hand over his crotch area but Jongin flung his hand aside, squeezing his cock tightly.

“When it’s one, I’ll give it to you, I promise… Do you think you can hold on till then?” Jongin asked, glancing up at the clock. It was six minutes to one now, and the prospects weren’t looking good for Kyungsoo if he was such a sensitive little thing to every touch.

Jongin stroked his cock carefully, surely with his hand, jerking him off the way he knew would border on pain and yet feel oh-so-good. Kyungsoo dug his fingers deep into the sofa, sighing and moaning with every tug Jongin gave his cock, his head dropping back with his mouth open and his eyes closed.

Jongin deliberately jerked him off slowly, stretching each minute into painful seconds till Kyungsoo’s cock was impossibly hard in his hand, heavy and dark with arousal. “It’s only been three minutes, hyung, are you sure you’ll be able to handle my mouth on your cock?” Jongin asked gently, caressing Kyungsoo’s face with his hand.

“I can be good for you,” Kyungsoo whispered, huffing each word out as he leaned into Jongin’s hand.

“I know,” Jongin purred, thumbing his slit. Kyungsoo writhed wantonly at that, toes curling as his brown eyes flicked open to meet Jongin’s steady gaze. “I like that,” Kyungsoo murmured.

“You mean this?” Jongin asked, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the tip of Kyungsoo’s cock. Kyungsoo hissed loudly, hips lifting up into Jongin’s touch once more. Jongin tutted at him, “If you come from this then it’s all you’re getting today. Don’t you want to hold on till it’s one and see what I have in store for you?”

“I do but… you’re not making it easy for me,” Kyungsoo shuddered, red coloring his cheeks, ears and lips. He was starting to sweat again; Jongin was almost surprised he wasn’t stirring up a fuss with getting all sticky and sweaty.

“It’s not supposed to be easy,” Jongin flashed a sweet smile at him, his actions a contradiction as he squeezed the tip of Kyungsoo’s cock, his eyes fluttering shut with pleasure.

 _Only two minutes left_ , he noted. Kyungsoo was going to be good boy of the year if he could survive this without coming all over Jongin’s hand and sofa. Jongin stroked his cock almost tenderly through the last two minutes, watching his face contort and cringe as the seconds passed agonizingly slow. Kyungsoo’s breathing became harsh, each exhale hissing between his clenched teeth.

When the long minute hand on the clock hit one, Jongin released Kyungsoo’s cock without warning. “You’ve been a very good boy, Kyungsoo,” Jongin whispered in his ear, biting his lip suggestively.

Kyungsoo whimpered and resisted from touching himself, watching Jongin get up quietly and walk over to the fridge in the kitchen. Kyungsoo didn’t understand what he was doing but waited patiently, listening to Jongin take something out from the freezer.

A moment later, Jongin slammed the fridge shut and returned, holding both hands behind his back.

“I will count to five, and you will strip for me,” Jongin said to Kyungsoo, standing over the sofa.

“One,” Jongin said softly, and Kyungsoo shucked his pants off, his hard cock curving upwards tantalizingly.

“Two,” Jongin continued. Kyungsoo undid the buttons on his shirt hurriedly, fingers shaking from excitement. Jongin didn’t even have to count all the way to four; by the time he uttered ‘three’ Kyungsoo was already looking up at him expectantly, spectacularly nude on Jongin’s lumpy sofa.

His cock gave a satisfied twitch at the sight of Kyungsoo waiting for his next command; it was certainly a ravishing sight. He didn’t quite see the appeal in telling people what to do before all of this started, but it was different when it came to Kyungsoo, all compliant and eager for him.

Jongin liked it _very_ much.

“Good. I see you’re fast when you want to be. Close your eyes now,” Jongin said, hands still behind his back. Kyungsoo didn’t hesitate, closing his eyes at once and turning his body to fully face Jongin.

Jongin stepped forward, getting down on his knees at the level of Kyungsoo’s cock. Popping something into his mouth quickly, he kept a close eye on Kyungsoo, making sure he didn’t open his eyes. Kyungsoo didn’t try to cheat at all; his eyes hardly fluttered as Jongin held his cock in one hand to position his cock at an angle.

Leaning forward, Jongin took the head of Kyungsoo’s cock into his mouth, brushing it past his lips. _Hmm_ , Jongin thought, _he tastes… interesting_. He’d never sucked a guy off before but it shouldn’t be too hard, since he knew what he liked. Kyungsoo let out a sigh of pleasure as Jongin’s mouth engulfed two inches or so of his cock but not before he jerked up in surprise, looking down at Jongin in amazement.

He had felt something cold on his cock inside Jongin’s mouth, way too cold and hard for it to be his teeth or tongue. Jongin pulled off with a pop and opened his mouth, revealing a large ice cube sitting on his tongue, already melting from the heat of his mouth.

“You, I—” Kyungsoo had no idea what to say. Jongin just smiled, holding up another ice cube in his hand and brought it close to Kyungsoo’s cock, rubbing it down the underside of his cock. Kyungsoo cried out incoherently, bucking his hips into Jongin’s hand.

He couldn’t talk around the ice cube so Jongin made a noise in his throat, frowning and shaking his head for emphasis. “But Jongin—”

Jongin still had a free hand and slapped Kyungsoo hard. His head snapped to the left sharply and his cock twitched in front of Jongin’s face. “Ah… I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo sighed, sounding far too pleased.

Jongin gave him a warning look before he brought the ice cube to his cock again, this time ghosting it over the sensitive skin, letting the droplets drip on Kyungsoo’s thighs and send little tingly darts of pleasure to his brain. Moving forward once more, Jongin took his cockhead into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the head before he moved the ice cube forth and pressed it to his cock with his tongue. 

Kyungsoo gave a garbled cry and grabbed at the sofa, his desperate hands looking for some sort of purchase because it felt _so,_ so good on his cock to have Jongin’s hot mouth and the cold ice cube at the same time, though it almost hurt not to be able to move. His nerves were sizzling with pleasure and he felt like he was on fire.   

Jongin bobbed his head down to take more of his cock, the ice cube moving around and sliding over Kyungsoo’s cock in his mouth. He could tell Kyungsoo wouldn’t last very long from this and slid the wet ice cube in his hand over his cock messily, sucking hard on his cockhead at the same time. Kyungsoo moaned loudly, instinctively spreading his legs a little wider to give Jongin more space.

Jongin took the opportunity to press his arms on Kyungsoo’s white thighs—briefly noting the difference in skin tones— so that Kyungsoo wouldn’t buck into his mouth and continued to work at his cock, teasing his cockhead with the ice cube and rubbing the rest of his length with his cold hand.

The noises he was making as he licked and sucked seemed to embarrass Kyungsoo, his blush flaring up every so often though it could be that he was just having a good time is all. He was breathing hard too, chest falling and rising quickly.

The ice cube in Jongin’s mouth was now but a small piece; when it completely melted he wanted to suck him off properly without it moving around in his mouth. He concentrated on rubbing the ice cube in his hand over Kyungsoo’s balls instead, wetting the underside and tasting his precome on his tongue as a reward. Jongin swallowed it down and Kyungsoo shivered when he felt Jongin’s throat tighten around his cock, placing a hand on Jongin’s shoulder.

“Please… I—I want to come,” he moaned.

Jongin just let the ice cube in his mouth brush over Kyungsoo’s slit, relishing in his moans and soft mewls. “Please, Jongin, I can’t hold on— but I wanna be your good boy,” Kyungsoo said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jongin waited for the ice cube to melt, moving it around so that it could melt faster. He couldn’t wait to see Kyungsoo fall apart too, but it was a shame that he couldn’t hold out any longer. Jongin quite liked playing with ice and his cock. Kyungsoo’s mouth dropped open as Jongin bobbed his head on Kyungsoo’s cock, taking as much as he could before he pulled back.

“Please, please, p-please, Jongin, I’m so hard for you, I—” Kyungsoo screamed hoarsely, his come spurting down Jongin’s throat. Jongin swallowed it down like a good sport, the ice going down his throat as well as he continued to bob at Kyungsoo’s cock to drag his orgasm out. Kyungsoo’s scream broke off into hoarse sobs, grabbing Jongin’s hair.

 _Damn_ , Jongin thought. It never occurred to Jongin that come could taste salty, but now he knew. _Learning never stops with Kyungsoo_ , Jongin thought dryly to himself.

Kyungsoo panted heavily with his mouth open, one of his hands carding through Jongin’s hair. “J-Jongin, I’m sorry I came, I just couldn’t—”

Jongin looked up at him, lifting an eyebrow. He let Kyungsoo’s cock slide out of his mouth. “Don’t be sorry you enjoyed yourself,” he rolled his eyes, shoving the small ice cube into his mouth and covering Kyungsoo’s lips with his own.

Jongin didn’t want to stop sucking at his cock just to say ‘okay’ and go on anyway; it would’ve ruined the moment. Jongin wrapped his hand around Kyungsoo’s cock and gave it a squeeze just to prove his point. Kyungsoo moaned in protest and Jongin slipped the ice cube into his mouth, patting his cheek gently.

Kyungsoo broke the kiss off with a wet sound, looking at Jongin with an unfathomable expression. Jongin sat down beside him, looking at him too. He wasn’t sure why Kyungsoo was in such a looking mood, but he didn’t mind it if he wanted to stare at Jongin’s face.

He smirked at that thought. Kyungsoo must’ve read his mind then, because he scoffed and looked away, biting down on the ice cube with a muffled crunch.

“I’m not—I was only looking at you ‘cause I didn’t know if I should apologize—”

“You can look all you want, hyung, there’s no limit on how long you can stare at this face,” Jongin snickered, narrowly dodging a finger stab from Kyungsoo. 

“I wasn’t,” Kyungsoo insisted, the tips of his ears turning red, “I just. You didn’t give me permission so I-I…” he hesitated. Jongin smiled at him, putting an arm around his shoulders. Kyungsoo didn’t meet his gaze but leaned closer to Jongin, picking at a spot on Jongin’s pants.

“I’ll just punish you later, you don’t have to worry about all that,” Jongin said, bumping his forehead against Kyungsoo’s temple.

“That’s um, unfair, don’t you think?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Nothing’s fair with me. You are staying for the weekend, yes?”

“If you want me to,” Kyungsoo shrugged, looking at him.

“Then I’m sure you can think of a way to appease me into being merciful with you by bargaining. And I don’t have anything planned for today or tomorrow so yes, it’d be nice if you stayed over,” Jongin said, emphasizing on the word ‘nice’.

Kyungsoo seemed to mull it over in his head, moving from Jongin’s pants to his fingers, toying with them gently and probably out of force of habit, picked at Jongin’s fingernails when he spotted a bit of dirt under his nails.

“I guess I could stay,” he said in a very small voice.

Jongin smiled widely, tipping his chin up to peck his lips gently. “Good. I was hoping you’d say that.” Kyungsoo smiled at him, a gentle smile that lit up his eyes and crinkled lines into his cheeks. He looked adorable, though Jongin would never tell him. It was very easy to like him and Jongin was well aware of that.

“We can rest for a bit now, but I still have no idea what we’re going to do for the rest of the day. I mean we _can_ have sex but I dunno, that sounds a bit unfair on your part…”

Kyungsoo giggled. “So _now_ you see the inequality?” he said.

Jongin chuckled, nodding. “What do you feel like doing today? I’m up for anything, so it’s entirely up to you, hyung.” He was fresh out of ideas now and since everything depended on Kyungsoo’s tolerance for pain, Jongin let him think it over carefully, watching him purse his lips and stare at the ground blankly.

Or perhaps Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly staring at it blankly, because he said, “Your floors are really dusty—”

“Oh God hyung, please don’t do this—” Jongin started to say.

Kyungsoo had the nerve to laugh. “N-no, Jongin, it’s really dusty and I think maybe I could clean it later—”

Jongin held his head with both hands. “I can’t believe your inner spirit is a janitor, hyung, of all people—” Kyungsoo pushed at his head, sputtering indignantly.

“I’m not a goddamned janitor Jongin, I just like clean surroundings—”

“Like a janitor,” Jongin cut in, looking at him with a dramatically sad expression. Kyungsoo went red. “I won’t clean your apartment then. You’ll walk around with dirty feet for two days till your cleaning lady comes over and by then it’ll be a mess to clean up—”

“Look mom, it’s nothing personal but I thought we were here to have sex,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo sputtered for a moment and suddenly burst out laughing when he heard what Jongin said.

“Hyung, you’re not supposed to laugh if we’re arguing,” Jongin said, watching Kyungsoo wheeze beside him.

“But what you said sounded stupid—” Kyungsoo managed to say before he covered his face with his hand, his laughter sounding a lot like a dying patient. Jongin didn’t even get why he was laughing; no one ever got his jokes. It was weird to see someone choking on his saliva while laughing at his dumb joke.

After an eternity of laughing, Kyungsoo seemed to realize that Jongin was still waiting for an answer and cleared his throat, “Uh, okay, um. I thought we agreed that you can take me out —or now that things are different— get takeout for us and I can’t say anything about it. So,” he gestured at the floor, “I think I’ll bargain with this for your leniency.”

Jongin widened his eyes. “You want to clean my apartment in exchange for—I don’t accept hyung, I don’t fucking accept. I _pay_ someone to clean this place,” Jongin said crossly.

Kyungsoo was unfazed. “I know. It’d make her job a whole lot easier so it’s a win-win situation here,” he said brightly. Jongin looked up at the ceiling, desperately praying for a deity up in the sky to knock some sense into Kyungsoo’s head, preferably within the next few minutes.

“Hyung,” Jongin said seriously, “Hyung, what does it matter if the apartment is clean or dirty? Furthermore, I know you’re gonna force me to eat your home cooked food which I have nothing against but by doing so it means I can’t buy takeout for us and you can’t clean. Do you see? It’s a two way road and if the traffic light is red on one side, it’s red on the other side too.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said, tilting his head to one side. Jongin was about to get exasperated with him but he held up a finger and continued, “but if you’re worried that I’ll take too much time to clean your place, I assure you that I won’t like, walk out of your sex room while you’re putting your cock up my ass—”

“You definitely won’t be,” Jongin muttered. Kyungsoo just smiled and went on, “I’ll do it when we’re resting, or gearing up for round two or whatever. You know, just during those small periods of time like now, where instead of arguing I could be doing something productive.”

Jongin gave him a deadpan look. “ _Hyung_. You are here to relax. Not to _do_ something productive. Relax,” Jongin motioned with his hands like a yoga master.

“I know,” Kyungsoo nodded, “but cleaning relaxes me too.”

Jongin was about to argue back but then suddenly wondered if there was a reason behind his insistence on cleaning where ever he is. He had heard before somewhere that bullied kids tend to have more anxiety than most people and it could manifest itself into a social anxiety disorder or suicidal thoughts, anything within that spectrum, really; maybe Kyungsoo’s anxiety wasn’t so life-threatening. Maybe this was his way of dealing with his painful past, even if he was an adult and way past that time of his life now.

Jongin decided to bite on his tongue and shut up, though it pained him to do so. He wanted to reassure Kyungsoo and tell him there was no need for all this anxiety anymore, no one was going to hurt him that way as long as Jongin was around but there was a chance he didn’t know his bullying had something to do with it. Jongin wasn’t about to be the guy to bring it up to him.

“Fine,” Jongin said, injecting as much exasperation and crankiness into the word as possible. “Fine, hyung. Clean the apartment if you really want to. But I won’t be nice to you later on ‘cause I don’t like this.”

Kyungsoo bit his lip, cozying up to Jongin’s face. He placed a chaste kiss on Jongin’s cheek, smiling at him. “Thank you. And I can live with that.”

Jongin tried to keep a straight face as Kyungsoo laced their fingers together and continued to grin at him. “Also, I have an idea what you can do to me,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin made a noise of appraisal.

“Since I know you’re obviously not in the best mood, you could um,” Kyungsoo lifted his eyebrows, “spank me. With your hand. I-I’ve never had someone do that to me before,” the rest of Kyungsoo’s sentence was swallowed up into Jongin’s mouth. Kyungsoo keened around his lips and grabbed at Jongin’s hair, kissing him back gently. Jongin licked at his lips to make him open up and allow Jongin to slide his tongue over Kyungsoo’s, their teeth grazing against one another. 

Jongin only broke off when he felt Kyungsoo struggle to breathe through his nose. “My God, hyung, that’s the best thing you’ve ever said to me,” he said breathlessly. Kyungsoo laughed as Jongin pulled him up and tugged him clumsily into the spare room.

“By the way, did you call this my sex room a minute ago?” Jongin asked over his shoulder.

“Isn’t it your sex room?” Kyungsoo frowned. It was Jongin’s turn to laugh while he walked into the room, motioning for Kyungsoo to sit on the daybed while he closed the door and took off his shirt.

“I guess it is, I just never really had a name for it,” Jongin smiled, flinging his shirt aside. He wouldn’t need to take off his pants for this so he left them on for now, still chuckling softly at the name Kyungsoo had christened this room. He thought he might’ve heard Chanyeol call it a sex room too but like everything else, it was just different if it was from Kyungsoo.

“Shall we get started?” Jongin asked, biting his lower lip.


	14. the only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you

Kyungsoo either had this in mind for a very long time or he was the kinkiest boy within a hundred mile radius. He nodded at Jongin, licking his lips in anticipation and straightened his back, his shoulder squared out. Kyungsoo looked ready for this, and so was Jongin. 

Jongin had never spanked someone or been spanked in his entire life but had a very good feeling that he’d get into the swing of it in no time at all; it couldn’t be that different from the riding crop. Fuck, he wasn’t even nervous in the slightest like when he used the riding crop on Kyungsoo for the first time. Oh, it was clear that they were both going to enjoy and get the best of this for sure.

He went over and sat down on the daybed, grabbing Kyungsoo by the arm and pulling him over his knees. Jongin held Kyungsoo’s upper half up across his left knee while he straightened his right leg so that Kyungsoo wouldn’t have any friction on his cock and when he’d spank Kyungsoo the angle would be just right.

Kyungsoo balanced himself by placing his hands flat on the ground, breathing slowly. 

“Are you ready?” Jongin asked, voice husky. He couldn’t wait to get started. Kyungsoo nodded eagerly. “Count for me. If it hurts too much, say stop,” Jongin said, brushing his hand over Kyungsoo’s hair.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said softly. Jongin placed a hand over Kyungsoo’s smooth ass, feeling the warmth radiating from his body. God, he loved this.

Counting to three silently in his head, Jongin smacked his hand down on Kyungsoo’s ass, the impact stinging his palm. Kyungsoo jerked only slightly from the force of it and Jongin steadied him with a hand on his shoulder.

“One,” he said softly. He sounded too fucking composed for his own good; Jongin intended to change that.

The second blow wasn’t too hard. It served only to sting, not to hurt but Kyungsoo’s ass was already starting to glow a bright pink. “Two,” Kyungsoo murmured. Jongin rubbed his hand in a small circle to soothe the pain for a few seconds before he struck his ass again, this time a little harder.

“Mm, three,” Kyungsoo sighed.

At ten, Kyungsoo’s ass was a blatant red. However, there wasn’t so much as a waver in his voice as he counted, and he was only slightly uncomfortable from pressing his chest against Jongin’s leg for so long. Jongin tried to alternate the force every two or three strikes, sometimes placing his hand on Kyungsoo’s ass for a moment or two to let the pain subside just a little.

By fifteen, Jongin had come to admire his tenacity and tolerance for pain; it was if he was made for this purpose and this purpose alone.

The skin of his ass was raised in some spots now, in the vague shape of Jongin’s hand. He was just happy to be the leaving his handprint on his ass as a mark. Kyungsoo didn’t even squirm from the pain, just counted each strike almost mechanically.

“More?” Jongin asked.

“More,” Kyungsoo replied, curving his back slightly so that his ass brushed against Jongin’s hand. Jongin was more than prepared to give him more.

At twenty strikes, Jongin thought Kyungsoo sounded a little broken.

“Twenty one,” Kyungsoo said, voice cracking when Jongin struck close to his balls. His ass was starting to look too red for Jongin’s taste and tried to aim a little lower, just till the pain Kyungsoo had to be feeling abated and he’d go back to where he started.

“A-ah, twenty… twenty two,” Kyungsoo swallowed thickly. “Is it fine?” Jongin asked.

“M-more than fine. Please…” Kyungsoo begged.

Jongin took it as consent to go on and continued to spank him, his hand throbbing deliciously. It was bright red now, similar to Kyungsoo’s ass but Jongin almost liked it. The throbbing sensation in his hand only made it that much more arousing that he was spanking Kyungsoo, and he was spanking him _hard_. 

“Twenty three,” Kyungsoo gasped. A thin sheen of sweat covered his skin, making his shoulder hard to grip as Jongin tried to hold him.

He was sure Kyungsoo was fully hard now and that he’d break down soon; how could he not, when Jongin too felt like his pants were starting to feel constrictive. Still, Jongin went on spanking him. If Kyungsoo didn’t want him to stop, Jongin would oblige.

By thirty five, Jongin was amazed that Kyungsoo hadn’t said anything. He was a shivering, sweating and shaky mess across Jongin’s knees but he still kept counting, crying out occasionally when Jongin hit a sore spot. Jongin’s hand started to go numb, which was good in a way. He could go on for days, he wanted to go on till Kyungsoo finally wore out from this and admitted defeat.

At forty six, Kyungsoo cried out and held back a wrecked sob, twisting away from Jongin’s hand. “ _Jongin_ ,” he moaned his name in his lovely voice. Jongin felt the heavy hedonistic pleasure of seeing Kyungsoo writhe in pain and pleasure from being spanked hit him like a truck.

“Did I say you could move?” Jongin asked warningly.

Kyungsoo hiccupped and clambered back into position, tears streaming from his red eyes as he stuck his red ass out for Jongin. His hand was numb but he found the strength to hit him thrice quickly, harder than any of the previous strikes. 

“Ah! Jongin please, I want you inside me,” Kyungsoo croaked.

“Count,” Jongin ordered.

“F-forty nine! No more, I— Jongin, please,” he stuttered helplessly, turning to plead softly to Jongin.

Jongin needed no further preamble and got up to get the lube at once, his right hand tingling as blood started to rush back to his palm. He wasn’t sure if his hand would be bruised or injured or whatever but damn, it was worth all forty six strikes on Kyungsoo’s ass.

“Get up,” Jongin barked, kicking his pants off and lying down fully on the daybed. He wanted to feel Kyungsoo now, skin to skin and body to body. Kyungsoo complied, already guessing at Jongin’s intentions and got up on his shaky legs. He clambered over the daybed, legs on either side and shuffled over carefully till his sore ass was hovering just above Jongin’s fully erect cock, waiting for the magic word.

“You’re a cockslut. Say it,” Jongin said huskily, his head resting against the daybed. He dropped the bottle of lube on the ground beside him.

“I am a cockslut,” Kyungsoo repeated softly, putting his hands on Jongin’s chest gently. Jongin loved it when Kyungsoo said filthy things like that from his pretty mouth.

“My cockslut.”

“ _Your_ cockslut,” Kyungsoo recited dutifully. Oh yes, Jongin thought. This was something he’d probably never tire of, ever. 

“Good… Now sink down on me and ride me like the whore you are,” Jongin said, placing a hand on his cheek as Kyungsoo leaned forward to sink slowly onto Jongin’s cock.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo sighed, when Jongin positioned his cock over Kyungsoo’s entrance. Jongin didn’t prep Kyungsoo’s ass for this, but Kyungsoo didn’t seem to mind.

There was enough lube on Jongin’s cock and besides, Jongin wanted to stretch him today, fill him up and leave him feeling well-fucked when this was over. If Kyungsoo could take forty six barehanded strikes, hell, Jongin knew he could handle this. 

Kyungsoo’s body tensed up when Jongin’s cockhead slid into his ass, thick veins appearing around his neck. Jongin could feel Kyungsoo’s thighs shaking as he sank down on his lap, tears appearing in his eyes while he gasped at the sensation.

Clearly, the stretch felt different when there was no prep beforehand though he went on, biting down hard on his lip. Jongin let him take it at his own pace, admiring the emotions and expressions on his face fluctuate from pain and pleasure till finally Kyungsoo was seated on Jongin’s lap, his entire cock up his ass.

“God, you feel tight like this, Kyungsoo,” Jongin muttered, voice low.

It was better than he remembered. Maybe because there was no prep and he didn’t get a chance to warm up, but Jesus Christ, Jongin had never felt anything as tight as this. Kyungsoo’s ass clenched around Jongin’s length spontaneously as he tried to get used to the feeling, sending jitters down Jongin’s spine. Kyungsoo’s breathing was uneven, his hands gripping Jongin’s shoulders. He looked wrecked, and it wasn’t even the best part yet.

“It feels… full, Jongin. I—I,” Kyungsoo broke off quietly with a shudder when Jongin lifted his hips slightly, pushing his cock that much deeper into Kyungsoo’s ass.

“N-No— _ah_ , please, that hurts,” Kyungsoo mewled softly as Jongin rolled his hips underneath him. Jongin’s balls chafed against Kyungsoo’s ass, causing pain to sizzle there. 

“But you like it, don’t you, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked softly, thrusting gently into him but once. Kyungsoo cried out loudly, eyes squeezing shut at the sensation. “Y-yes, I like it, Jongin, _fuck_ I like it when you put it in deep—”

Jongin thrust into him again, gripping Kyungsoo’s thighs with both hands so that he could fuck into him properly. Kyungsoo bent his knees, keeping relatively still while Jongin held him and thrust right into his ass roughly. 

A breathy _ah_ fell from Kyungsoo’s lips with each thrust, breath ghosting over Jongin’s face as he leaned over Jongin. The daybed was curved in such a way that Jongin couldn’t hold Kyungsoo close and fuck him at the same time but it was lovely to see pleasure written across Kyungsoo’s face, his facial expression one of wild abandon and wanton lust.

His body jerked with the motion from Jongin’s hips too, and Jongin could tell Kyungsoo liked it whenever he lifted his lips a certain way and grazed his prostrate. He would gasp and exhale shakily, and his fingers would dig into Jongin’s shoulders, leaving half moons etched into his skin.

“J-Jongin,” Kyungsoo sighed, one of his tears dropping onto Jongin’s lips. He licked it away, listening to the sound of his own heavy breathing combined with Kyungsoo’s own fast paced breath and the slap of skin against skin. It felt good to be alone like this with Kyungsoo, felt good to be inside of him and know that he could make Kyungsoo moan and sigh for him.

 _How could something that everyone claims to be wrong feel so right like this?_ Jongin thought. Every sigh, every call of his name and every flutter of Kyungsoo’s eyelashes made him feel so electric.

Jongin had tears in his eyes when he came abruptly, still thrusting roughly into Kyungsoo’s ass. Kyungsoo dragged his nails down Jongin’s chest, milking his cock obediently and whispering fervently in his ear to _please let me come for you, Jongin, I want to scream for you._ Jongin could feel his come dripping out of Kyungsoo’s entrance, warm and wet.

“Come for me, hyung, come for me and show me you’re my good boy,” Jongin bit out. “Yes, yes, yes,” Kyungsoo sighed, closing his eyes. 

Five thrusts later and Kyungsoo came shuddering, his choked shriek loud in Jongin’s ears. His come spattered against Jongin’s stomach, white and hot at first contact. Kyungsoo’s shriek melted into incoherent sobs as he reached down to jerk off his cock and more come spurted out. 

 _He looks beautiful like that_ , Jongin thought, _on the edge and still hungry for my cock_. Oh, Jongin wanted to kiss him senseless.

 Kyungsoo could hardly hold himself up over Jongin when he was done, panting with his mouth parted. Jongin kissed him gently, promising him that he did a good job. It was possibly one of the most intense fucks Jongin ever had. He was inclined to believe Kyungsoo shared the same sentiment.

“I-I can’t move, Jongin, I don’t want to—” Kyungsoo’s sentence became a garbled mess of words when Jongin surged upwards and changed the angle of his cock inside Kyungsoo. Jongin knew he felt overly sensitized and smirked when Kyungsoo’s ass gripped his cock once more, always ready for him despite having orgasmed only seconds ago.

“F-fuck you,” Kyungsoo murmured, a flush spreading across his body. Jongin chuckled.

“That was… intense, hm?” Jongin remarked. “Y-yeah… give me a minute,” Kyungsoo whispered, giving up and lying on top of Jongin heavily. There was a distinct squelch when Kyungsoo’s stomach pressed onto his own come but surprisingly, he didn’t say anything and neither did Jongin.

He just held Kyungsoo for a few minutes, waiting for their breathing to calm and even out before he spoke again. “I know you like to be clean so do you want to shower and then rest properly?”

Kyungsoo hummed in reply, smiling weakly. Reluctantly he stood up straight, Jongin’s flaccid cock pulling out with a wet sound. He whimpered at the bereft feeling in his ass, instinctively clenching down on nothing.

“You alright?” Jongin asked, patting his sore ass. Kyungsoo swallowed and nodded silently.

“Let’s get cleaned up,” Jongin murmured, kissing Kyungsoo’s neck. He got up and took Kyungsoo’s hand when he grunted in agreement, shuffling after him slowly to Jongin’s bedroom while wiping his tears away with his arm. 

“Step into the shower first. I’ll get the hot water running in the tub,” Jongin said, when they were both in the bathroom. He closed the door shut and was about to get his special scented oil from the mirror cabinet but Kyungsoo refused to let him go. 

“No, Jongin, there’s no need to soak in the tub, I think I’m going to pass out soon,” Kyungsoo protested weakly. He held the shower door open for Jongin, imploring him with his eyes.

“You look like you could use some coffee, hyung. Are you sure you don’t like it?” Jongin said, giving in to Kyungsoo and stepping into the shower with him. The door shut quietly behind Jongin.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I don’t want coffee. Just… let me rest in a minute, before we move onto something else,” he laughed weakly.

Jongin chuckled, twisting a knob jutting out from the wall. Hot water rained down on the both of them at once, and Jongin adjusted the temperature carefully. “You’re worn out, aren’t you?” he asked. Kyungsoo nodded, yawning.

“It’s okay. We could always take a nap later,” Jongin offered.

“No, we should do something that you want to do this week,” Kyungsoo said. The water wasn’t scalding hot anymore so Jongin pulled him gently under the showerhead, watching the countless droplets catch in his hair, dribble down his face and sit gently on his skin.

“’S alright, hyung. I don’t mind sleeping for a bit too. We can’t bang all day and all night anyway,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo blushed, splashing water over Jongin’s face. Jongin laughed, flicking water back at him while he waited for Kyungsoo to rinse off, cupping some water in his hands to wash off Kyungsoo’s come on his stomach.

Kyungsoo was about to move to one side so that Jongin could wash off while he soaped up and shampooed his hair, when he heard something from outside and frowned.

“Did you hear that?” he asked.

“Hear what?” Jongin asked, leaning away from the water so that he wouldn’t get his hair wet. Jongin could practically hear nothing above the spattering sound of water hitting the ground whereas Kyungsoo was closer to the bathroom door. 

“Like a buzz,” Kyungsoo said, tilting his head to one side. He wanted to say something but then frowned again. “It’s going off again. Is it your phone?” Kyungsoo asked, slowly rubbing a bar of soap between his hands.

“Nope, my phone is in my pants in the other room. There’s no way you can hear it,” Jongin said. Unless Kyungsoo had x-ray ears, of course, but he hardly believed that. If he had super powers it’d be a high tolerance for pain, in Jongin’s opinion. Kyungsoo listened closely once more, rubbing soap over his arms absently.

“It’s stopped now. Why don’t you turn off the water and see if you can’t hear it too?” Kyungsoo said. Jongin shut the water off as Kyungsoo said and grabbed the soap from Kyungsoo.

“It’s probably nothing, hyung, don’t worry about it,” he said. Maybe it was from the upstairs or downstairs resident; either way, it was just a bit of buzzing, not an explosion or whatever.

Just when Kyungsoo decided it was probably nothing and started to press some shampoo into his palm, he heard it again and this time, so did Jongin. It sounded familiar. “It doesn’t sound like a phone,” Jongin remarked.

It went off again and they frowned at the same time.

“Do you know what it is?” Kyungsoo asked, scrubbing his fingers into his hair.

Obviously, it wasn’t either of their phones, no phone on vibrate mode could sound this loud. What else in the apartment could buzz though; vibrators, the sound system, the front door… _Oh_ , Jongin thought, realization dawning on him. Oh. No wonder it sounded familiar.

“What?” Kyungsoo said, noting Jongin’s expression.

“Kyungsoo, don’t panic but um. I think we have a guest,” Jongin said.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo said slowly, “you should’ve said something if someone was going to come over—”

“No one is coming over! I don’t know who the fuck is that the door, but why doesn’t he go away?” Jongin exclaimed. Kyungsoo looked panicked, looking around as if there was something in the shower big enough to camouflage him.

“What do we do?!” Kyungsoo hissed, keeping his voice low, though it was impossible for whoever it was at the door to hear the both of them. “Um,” Jongin turned the water back on, washing off the soap on his body. “Jongin, you’re not supposed to continue your shower—”

“I’m not—Hyung, just stay here while I get the door and see who it is. Don’t come out and don’t make a sound, okay? Maybe it’s just the postman or something,” Jongin said, hurriedly washing off all the suds on his body. Why did somebody or something always have to ruin their moments together?

“Are you sure you weren’t supposed to have somebody over? What kind of postman is so insistent?” Kyungsoo said, standing at the farthest corner in the shower.

“Trust me, I kept my weekend clear for you. Nobody is supposed to come over,” Jongin replied, shutting the water off and stepping out to grab a towel from behind the door. “Stay put, hyung. I’ll get rid of whoever it is,” Jongin reassured him, wrapping the towel around his waist and opening the bathroom door.

Damn right he was going to get rid of the tosser at his door; what if Kyungsoo thought Jongin had some girl coming over?

Kyungsoo nodded, his face starting to pale as Jongin exited the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and called out, “Coming!”

If it was the postman then he was going to get a serious duffing up; he could’ve just left the parcel or letter or whatever in Jongin’s mailbox there was no need for him to receive his shit in person—

Jongin flung the front door open, the sourest expression plastered on his face to welcome the motherfucker. He expected the postman, Mr. Lee maybe, someone he didn’t know or Chanyeol even but he didn’t expect _Suho_ with an angelic smile to be standing at his front door.

“Hey, Jongin,” he called, eyes crinkling at the corners. Jongin furrowed his eyebrows at Suho’s dumb smile. The surprise wore off almost at once; no way was Jongin going to leave his apartment for Suho.

“Bye,” Jongin said, reaching for the doorknob to close the door. Suho protested by slamming a hand on the door and pushing it back open. “What ‘bye’? Did you read through the stuff I sent you yet?” he asked.

“No. There’s still Sunday. And why are you here, do you want me to beat you up or something?” Jongin scowled.

“Why? Why would you want to beat me up? Do you have someone over?” Suho asked suspiciously, taking a good look at the towel around his waist and Jongin’s wet chest. There was nothing remotely sexual or anything suggesting sexual activity on Jongin’s body, luckily. Thank goodness he washed Kyungsoo’s come off already.

“I’m taking a _shower_ ,” Jongin said flatly, evading his question. Sometimes lying to Suho was hard since they knew each other too well. “I just woke up for fuck’s sake, can’t you at least warn me if you want to come over?”

“I did. If you read the e-mails I sent you, you’d know,” Suho said, peeking into his apartment like a nosy neighbor. Kyungsoo’s clothes were on the floor, but it was blocked from Suho’s view by the sofa. The way he was eyeing his apartment like a cop made Jongin a little nervous though, and he elbowed Suho aside.

“Look, as you can see I’m not done with my shower at any rate so could you please come back at a later time—”

“Aren’t you gonna invite me in at least? Would make me feel like I didn’t drive down here just for nothing,” Suho smiled innocently.

“I’m going out after my shower. Gonna see Jiyoung,” Jongin added, just so it sounded more credible. Suho didn’t look like he believed Jongin’s story but he wasn’t as aggressive as Sehun or Chanyeol (thank God) and sulked as he stepped away from the front door.                   

 “Thought you didn’t have much planned for the weekend. What time are you leaving?” Suho asked. What was this, the modern, civilized version of the Spanish Inquisition?

“I don’t know. It’s sort of a spur-of-the-moment decision, I’ll leave when I’m ready,” Jongin shrugged. _More like I’ll never leave so long as Kyungsoo is in my apartment_ , Jongin said to himself. “Can I go back to my shower now?”

“Yeah, I—”

Jongin slammed the door in Suho’s face and started to walk back into the direction he came from. “DON’T HAVE TO BE RUDE, JONGIN,” Suho shouted, giving his front door a hard kick.

“Don’t have to be so nosy about my life!” Jongin yelled back, taking large strides to return to his bedroom. He wouldn’t be surprised if Suho and Sehun were in cahoots with one another; they were probably trying to see if Jongin was still seeing Kyungsoo. _Well, they’ll have to try harder than this_ , Jongin thought. He was not going to be driven out of his home so easily.

He knocked on the bathroom door thrice. “Kyungsoo, it’s me. Coast is clear.” A second later, Kyungsoo opened the door slowly, hiding behind the door to peek at him.

“Who was it?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Suho,” Jongin informed. Even Kyungsoo’s eyes widened as Jongin entered the bathroom. He still had foam in his hair from the shampoo, and it would’ve made for a funny picture except Jongin thought Kyungsoo wouldn’t appreciate it if he started laughing at him.

“Suho? Why Suho? Did something happen at Accuretta?” Kyungsoo asked, alarmed. Jongin just tugged off the towel around his waist, flinging it to the ground and dragging Kyungsoo back in with him.

“He stopped by for a friendly visit. Apparently he e-mailed me and told me he’d stop by, but I haven’t read every single e-mail he sent me…”

“So does he know I’m here? Is he in your living room?” Kyungsoo’s voice dropped into a hushed whisper. Jongin shook his head.

“Told him I’ll be going out later. He thinks I’m alone, so don’t worry. I don’t know what gave him the idea that I’ll be home though, he usually doesn’t have the nerve to come over unless—” Jongin’s mouth pressed into a flat line.

“Mr. Lee. My driver must’ve told him I haven’t left the apartment. Dammit,” Jongin grumbled, rubbing the bar of soap from the soap dish on Kyungsoo’s wet body and then washing himself up again. Kyungsoo sent him a curious look. “Your driver? Why would he tell Suho anything?”

“Because he’s ‘concerned’ about me, I’m sure. Really, I don’t know why everyone keeps butting into my personal affairs. I can sleep with whoever I want to,” Jongin mumbled.

“They’re only doing this ‘cause they’re concerned,” Kyungsoo cajoled him. “You know, maybe next weekend we shouldn’t do this, just in case—” Jongin blathered something incoherently to drown out Kyungsoo’s voice.

“Nope. No can do, hyung. I’m not going to just cut our weekends off just because my friends can’t keep to themselves. I’ll handle it, hyung—” Kyungsoo placed a hand on his arm gently; something about it made Jongin fall silent, and he looked at Kyungsoo, who shook his head at him.

“Jongin, you don’t have to split your time between your personal life and work _and_ me. I can back off till it’s convenient for you, and you don’t have to tear yourself apart trying to please everyone.”

“Hyung, I’m not looking please anybody,” Jongin said, lifting an eyebrow at him, “and I _want_ to be with you. There’s nothing more to it.”

Kyungsoo pouted. “Shouldn’t you be happy I wanna be with you, hyung?” Jongin asked.

“I-I am. But you’re not—you don’t belong to me. You don’t owe me your time, or your weekends for that matter…” he trailed off.

Jongin smiled, caressing Kyungsoo’s cheek gently with a soapy hand.

“Hyung, I’m trying to show you that I’m not around you just for sex. I’m here because I genuinely like you. You don’t owe me your weekends either, and we’re both still here in my apartment, right?” Kyungsoo nodded slowly. 

“I like spending time with you. Do _you_ want to spend time with _me_?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo nodded again, though he looked like he wanted to say something. Jongin placed a finger over his lips. “Then I’ll be around. I’ll be with you every weekend as long as you want me for as long as I can until you get tired of staring at my face. That’s all, hyung. You don’t have to worry about anything else.”

Kyungsoo looked like he was about to burst into tears. “B-but—”

“I like your butt too, there’s no doubt about that,” Jongin quickly said. He didn’t mean to get so deep and cheesy (in the bathroom where they were both naked for fuck’s sake) but it was true, every word of it. Kyungsoo was the most fun he’d ever had; why should he give Kyungsoo up so easily when people like Kyungsoo were rare and far between?

Kyungsoo snorted, smacking his arm. Jongin laughed too. The tension between them dissipated into thin air.

“You need to stop being dumb, Jongin, or,” Kyungsoo stopped mid sentence, laughing at him.

“Or what?” Jongin smiled widely. Kyungsoo shook his head, swiping foam from his hair to dot a blob of bubbles on his nose. “Or nothing,” he shrugged with a smile.

After a good fifteen minutes in the bathroom of cleaning themselves up, they got out of the shower, drying off slowly. Jongin had almost forgotten that he’d spanked Kyungsoo forty nine times till he happened to step back for Kyungsoo to get the hair dryer and saw that his ass was fantastically pink, even reddish in some spots.

“Hyung, you’ll need cream on your ass,” Jongin remarked, eyeing his lovely rear end. If he stared hard enough, Jongin was sure he could see the faint outlines of his handprint. “Why?” Kyungsoo asked, turning on the hair dryer and twisting to see what Jongin was staring at. “Ow. Oh, is it really red?” Kyungsoo asked, ruffling his hair with his hand while he held the hair dryer a few inches away from his head.

“No, but it looks painful. You know, you could’ve told me to go easy on you,” Jongin scolded him lightly. He was all up for leaving marks on Kyungsoo but frankly, if it hurt then Kyungsoo should’ve said something. Jongin brushed against him to open up the mirror cabinet and got his first aid kit out.

“The pain wasn’t all that bad, just two notches above the riding crop, I think,” Kyungsoo said, watching Jongin dig through the kit for the appropriate cream. “Er, I can apply it on my own later—”

“I’ll do it for you, hyung, just turn around and let me apply it for you before it really starts to hurt,” Jongin said, motioning for him to face forward.

“N-no, Jongin, really, you don’t have to—”

“Shove it, hyung, I’ll do it for you and that’s it,” Jongin said, grabbing his waist (but not too roughly) and moving him into a good position. _Wouldn’t mind me some one-on-one time with his butt anyway,_ Jongin thought, a sly smile creeping over his face as he got down on one knee to swipe some cream over a particularly thick red line. 

Jongin applied the cream liberally and slowly over his skin as if it could make the pain disappear just from his touch. In fact, it was all going fine till Kyungsoo suddenly yelped a bit when Jongin scraped a nail over one of the welts on his ass by accident and he bumped his head with the hair dryer.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, hyung, please don’t start crying on me I don’t have a cream for that—” Jongin said quickly, patting his ass to soothe the pain.

“N-no, it just stung a little, that’s all,” Kyungsoo mumbled, rubbing the spot where he’d hit his head. “Ow,” he turned off the hair dryer to massage the spot the hair dryer had thunked on. Jongin was done with the cream already and quickly grabbed the hair dryer. “I’ll do this for you next, hyung, maybe you wouldn’t have hit your head if you weren’t so sleepy—”

“I can dry my own damned hair,” Kyungsoo tried to grab the hair dryer. Jongin held it out of his reach, placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s chest. “I can clean my own apartment too,” he smiled sweetly at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo sighed heavily. “This is different, Jongin, you don’t have to do things for me.”

“I know. But you clean ‘cause you like it and I will dry your hair because I like your head how it is. In one piece,” Jongin said, turning on the hair dryer to drown out Kyungsoo’s protest. He rolled his eyes when Jongin waved the hair dryer at his face and mouthed the words, ‘grow up.’ Jongin grinned at Kyungsoo’s reflection the whole time while drying his hair.

It didn’t take long since Kyungsoo already dried his hair a bit, and soon they were out of the bathroom, putting on their clothes. Well, Kyungsoo was putting on his clothes. Jongin just put his boxers and that was it. Jongin thought he saw Kyungsoo look away when he stretched his arms out a bit, but that was impossible. Kyungsoo had seen it all now.

On the bed, Kyungsoo sputtered and gave a bit of a fight when Jongin invaded Kyungsoo’s personal space in a big way by insisting that they cuddled together. “Just in case your bum starts to hurt and I’ll massage it for you,” Jongin smiled.

“Are you going to be weird like this all day and insist on doing everything for me?” Kyungsoo said indignantly while Jongin pulled him close and made Kyungsoo lie against him while he shamelessly wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Yes, because you’re in _my_ apartment, in _my_ bed. _I_ will do it for you,” was all Jongin said. Admittedly, he was yearning to feel Kyungsoo’s body on his own in a non-sexual way (even if Kyungsoo was fully clothed). He just liked comforting Kyungsoo and wanted Kyungsoo to know that he was welcome to lean on Jongin for any reason while he was here in Jongin’s apartment, that’s all.

Luckily for Jongin, Kyungsoo was too tired and exasperated to argue; disgruntled, he turned to face his back to Jongin and tried to settle into a comfortable position beside Jongin. “You’re like a thorn in my side in a lot of ways. Like now, for example,” Kyungsoo mumbled, “you don’t seem that tired.”

“True. But I don’t have anything better to do,” Jongin smiled, sliding a leg between Kyungsoo’s thighs. Kyungsoo gurgled when he felt Jongin’s knee approach his crotch and turned around immediately to stare up at Jongin suspiciously.

“What’re you doing?” he asked flatly.

“Warming your legs,” Jongin replied, nuzzling his face to Kyungsoo’s cheek. “My legs don’t need warming,” Kyungsoo muttered, cheeks turning pink.

“Don’t take it so personally, hyung. I’d do this for anyone,” Jongin said, pressing his nose to Kyungsoo’s nape. He had used Jongin’s soap in the shower but Kyungsoo still somehow managed to retain his own scent; he smelled cute, in Jongin’s opinion.

“What are we going to do later?” Kyungsoo mumbled, yawning widely.

“Dunno. We could go for round three if you want. Or four, or five…” Jongin suggested. He wouldn’t mind that one bit. “Sounds tiring. Is that what you really wanna do?” Kyungsoo chuckled.

“I still have many toys I haven’t used on you. Of course, I could just have you sit on my cock and ride me till you’re too worn out to talk,” Jongin whispered, nipping his earlobe between his teeth gently. “If that’s what you want, Jongin, then I’d be more than happy to accommodate. Just be gentle to me, my body’s sore all over,” Kyungsoo said, lifting a hand to pat Jongin’s cheek and turning his head to peck Jongin’s lips.

Jongin could hear the shy naiveté in his voice and wondered how he could be an entire year older than him when he was still childlike in so many ways. “Good night. Or good afternoon, I should say. See you when it’s evening,” Kyungsoo said.

“Mm. Good night,” Jongin smiled, closing his eyes and settling his head on his soft pillow.

*

Jongin was asleep, and the next minute he wasn’t.

It happened fairly quickly. He was in some dream that he couldn’t recall when he started to realize that he was awake and suddenly he was pulled out of his slumber by something, although what he didn’t know. All he knew when he opened his eyes was that the sun had gone down, casting the ceiling in a dismal shade of grey and he did not wake up on his own accord.

Then a second later, he realized it what it was; the left side of his face was prickling with that sensation whenever he knew or sensed that someone was staring at him.

Jongin turned his head into Kyungsoo’s direction stiffly. Through the haze of sleep, he was sort of hoping that Kyungsoo wasn’t staring at him but there he was, blinking his brown eyes innocently up at Jongin. He thought that maybe there was a tiny flicker of gloom in those dark depths, though it could’ve just been a trick of light.

“Hyung?” Jongin mumbled.

“Sorry to wake you,” Kyungsoo murmured back. Jongin stared at him, waiting for him continue.

After a beat or two, Kyungsoo started shifting to move away from Jongin’s space.

“Hyung, what—”

“We um. We should be up. If you wanna have dinner at an appropriate hour, I mean,” Kyungsoo said, flipping the covers back to swing his legs over the edge of the bed and stand up. He avoided Jongin’s gaze, which was suspicious. Jongin sighed and stretched his arms and legs, bones cracking loudly after staying still for a good portion of the afternoon and evening as well.

He watched Kyungsoo enter the bathroom without closing the door, water splashing in the sink for a few seconds before he stepped out with a towel, patting his face dry. It was weird to see Kyungsoo act as if it was his first time in his apartment.

Jongin got up wearily and crawled over to the edge of the bed. “Hyung, is something on your mind?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo had walked over to flip the light switch on, but tensed visibly when Jongin said that. He chewed the inside of his cheek nervously, looking over Jongin’s body at the wall a few feet away from the bed.

“…No,” Kyungsoo lifted his shoulder and dropped it half heartedly.

“There’s everything on your mind, hyung, I can tell. What is it about and how can I help?” Jongin yawned, waving him over. Cool air from air conditioning washed over his skin, and goosebumps appeared along Jongin’s arms. Kyungsoo trudged over like a petulant child and stood by Jongin.

“So?” Jongin quipped, reaching for his hand and pulling him a step closer. Kyungsoo’s mouth was curved into a slight frown. “It’s nothing, Jongin, really,” he said.

Jongin hummed in reply. “Then why don’t I believe you?” he asked, “Don’t tell me you’ve been watching me sleep every time you sleep over.”

Kyungsoo laughed weakly, relaxing a bit. Jongin wondered how long Kyungsoo had been staring at him and what was on his mind till he felt the need to be so melodramatic. He tried rubbing his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s arm to try and soothe him.

“Seriously, hyung,” he said softly, smiling at him a little awkwardly. “What is it?”

It sounded insincere and clumsy, especially since he’d literally woken up to this situation only a minute ago. He kept his gaze level to show he was honestly concerned but Kyungsoo was seemingly too worried to notice.

He bit his lip before saying, “You know um. The thing you said this afternoon? About… like, sneaking around?”

Jongin nodded slowly, struggling to keep a neutral expression. _Drat, should’ve seen this coming_ , he thought, biting down on a curse. Jongin had thought that Kyungsoo was past this topic now since they’d already discussed it in the afternoon but of course, he should’ve known better. Bad habits didn’t go away easily.  

“What about it?” Jongin said. Kyungsoo eyed him curiously. “You sound mad,” he remarked, fingers toying with his towel.

“No, I’m not,” Jongin replied, perhaps just a bit too quickly that it bordered on defensive. “No, I want to know what you’re worried about,” he said, phrasing his words carefully, “Although I do think that whatever it is it’s probably ‘cause you’re over thinking things.”

Kyungsoo looked somewhere between unsure and upset. “I— It’s not like I _wanted_ to be worried, it’s—” he sighed heavily. “I was just thinking a little while ago, right before you woke up that maybe,” he winced, “y’know, maybe we should actually… not see each other for a while. Just for a little while, so that we both can take a step back and re-evaluate what we have here and what we’re both bringing to the table—”

“This is us you’re talking about, you know, not a marketing plan,” Jongin said teasingly, unable to help himself. Kyungsoo pursed his lips and gave him a dry look.

“I’m serious, Jongin.”

“I know you are, I get it,” Jongin nodded, holding a hand up in surrender, “but it still sounds like you’re over thinking things.”

Kyungsoo made an exasperated noise, looking at Jongin in disbelief. “Jongin,” he said seriously, “I’m not over thinking things. I’m thinking _through_ things. And what I’m coming up with is that,” he gestured eloquently with his hands, “we should really take some time off from each other and just clear the air a bit. See where we wanna go from here.”

Jongin was shaking his head before Kyungsoo was even done. He reached up to cup Kyungsoo’s cheeks in his hands, looking him in the eye. “Look hyung, if you don’t want to see me next week, fine. Get your shit together and come back the next week, but you can’t just up and leave, hyung. I mean, what if _I’m_ sure I know what I want out of this?” he asked.

Kyungsoo blinked at him. “N…o. No, you don’t. We’ve only been seeing each other like this for two weeks,” he scoffed.

“I know it’s only been two weeks,” Jongin said slowly, “but I too, have thought about this. Maybe even as much as you have. Hyung, I,” Jongin took a deep breath, taking Kyungsoo’s hand, “I like making you laugh and smile, and I like pushing your buttons just so you’ll get angry with me. Maybe you’re not sure about me, but _I_ am sure about you,” Jongin pointed at himself.

“And you don’t have to be so strict about relationships, you know, the rules always change in different situations for different people. Sure, we can take as much time off as you need but,” Jongin pouted, “I’ll be sad. And I would miss you. A lot.”

“I—I’d be sad as well,” Kyungsoo protested, squeezing Jongin’s hand, “B-but it’s more than just what we want now, and that changes things. We have to be realistic now,” Kyungsoo said pleadingly. “Besides, I’m only saying that we should take time off because I want you to think this through,” Kyungsoo said, moving closer to Jongin. “This… between us, it— it wouldn’t affect me as much as it would you, Jongin. And the last thing I want to do is force you into something you’re not truly invested in because in the end, you’ll be blaming me for all your problems and,” Kyungsoo shook his head, swallowing thickly.

“ _That_ would really hurt me. It would be painful to know that because of _me_ , we’ll end on bad terms and I don’t want that, Jongin. This is a very good time to break things off while…” he shrugged, “while nothing is set in stone yet, that’s all I’m saying.”

Jongin watched the emotions flicker over Kyungsoo’s face; it was like flipping through the pages of a book. He knew what Kyungsoo was saying and heard him loud and clear, could read between the lines as plain as day. Like hell it wouldn’t affect Kyungsoo as much if they broke things off; if Jongin had learned anything, it was that Kyungsoo had been hurt so many times it’d break him if it happened one more time. But that didn’t matter now.

The thing was that he’d made up his mind. Jongin had his mind made up since he fucked Kyungsoo for the first time and realized that it felt right to be with him, regardless of whether it was supposed to feel wrong or not. This whole time he’d thought that Kyungsoo understood this, but apparently, he didn’t.

Jongin sighed heavily, smiling weakly at Kyungsoo. “Hyung,” he shook his head, standing up to kiss Kyungsoo gently. Kyungsoo didn’t resist, tilting his head to the right to kiss him back. “Hyung,” Jongin whispered between kisses, nipping at Kyungsoo’s upper lip.

“Hyung,” Jongin murmured against his mouth. “Just say it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispered, closing his eyes.

“I’ve already made up my mind,” Jongin said, placing his forehead against Kyungsoo’s, “You can force me to take a week off from you and my answer would still be the same, hyung, I _want_ this. I don’t know how else you want me to say it, hyung. Do you want me to get down on one knee with a ring and ask for your hand or something?”

“ _No_ ,” Kyungsoo said immediately, blushing hard. “I—I don’t want all that, you _idiot_. I want you to say that…” he took a deep, shaky breath, opening his eyes to look at Jongin.

“I just need to hear you say that this is what you want, Jongin. And that you’ll be here for as long I will be, not just for me but for you too—” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo hard over the mouth, digging his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hair. Kyungsoo moaned against him and his fingers fluttered across Jongin’s chest, his hand curving around his shoulder.

Jongin broke off just long enough to say, “I want you, Kyungsoo. I want you and all of you. Stop thinking about what you think I should want or what I shouldn’t want for me. I know what I want and it’s you.”

What sounded like something between a laugh and a sob escaped Kyungsoo’s throat, his eyes a little wet. “I-I…” he stuttered, turning red like a tomato. Kyungsoo pressed his towel to his eyes, dabbing the tears away.

“I hate the way you make me feel,” Kyungsoo muttered.

“God, hyung,” Jongin chuckled, shaking his head, “imagine how I feel every time I make you cry.” Jongin kissed him again, tasting the salt in his tears and felt the thankfulness in his fingers as Kyungsoo held his face and kissed him back.

“Are you making me dinner?” Jongin murmured against his mouth, tugging gently at his upper lip. Kyungsoo shook his head tearfully, giggling a little.

“You don’t have any ingredients to cook with,” he mumbled, tracing Jongin’s lips with his fingers. Jongin sighed in relief. “Finally, I can buy you something,” Jongin said, picking him up and throwing him on the bed, “But first, I think your brain needs a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”

Jongin started to tickle Kyungsoo’s sides, just to make all his tears go away. Kyungsoo’s laughter rang out loudly in the apartment, and Jongin savored in his happiness. It felt nice, mysteriously enough, to see someone else happy and act his age for once. It was something Jongin realized all the money in the world could never buy.  

“This isn’t mouth-to-mouth, this is torture,” Kyungsoo gasped, trying to squirm away from Jongin and fight his hands away at the same time. Jongin clambered over to lie heavily over him, holding his arms down and kissing him full on the mouth.

“It is now,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo hooked a leg around Jongin’s thigh, breathing heavily. “I-I think I can wait a bit before dinner,” he whispered. Jongin was inclined to agree.

-

When they finally untangled from each other and got around to ordering dinner, Kyungsoo’s mood was considerably uplifted and he was acting normal again. They ordered in an entire chicken, half of it barbequed with a drizzle of honey and the other half fried with garlic. Kyungsoo cooked up some ramen to complete the meal, and by the end of it all that was left of the chicken were bones.

“What are we going to do now?” Jongin asked. They had taken a long nap and now both of them were wide awake so it was obvious that sleep wouldn’t be on their schedule just yet.

“I’m going to clean your apartment,” Kyungsoo said, standing by the sink as he washed the used pot and bowls up. Jongin rolled his eyes and tried his best not to say anything. He would usually use reason in times like these, but when it was Kyungsoo he honestly didn’t know what to do anymore.

“But if you clean then what do I do, hyung?” Jongin asked politely. Kyungsoo shrugged. “You can help. Or you could just sit and keep your feet off the wet floor.” _My God, it’s like talking to a hot janitor,_ Jongin thought.

“I… guess I could help,” Jongin said, very reluctantly. Even Kyungsoo could tell it was insincere and had the nerve to laugh at him. “Stop, Jongin. We both know you’re not exactly an expert when it comes to cleaning,” he said, tossing a smile at Jongin over his shoulder. Jongin frowned at him at the counter.

“And _you_ are?” he asked.

“At least I know when to start cleaning my apartment. Like when the floor’s really dusty for example,” Kyungsoo said, lifting an eyebrow at Jongin suggestively. He finished washing up and turned the tap off, drying his hands on a cloth.

“You could always teach me how to clean instead of clean for me,” Jongin replied.

Kyungsoo gave him a crooked smile. “Sorry, but you don’t strike me as that type,” he said, trying to hold back a laugh.

“What, domesticated? I think you’ll find that I’m very much a stay-at-home kind of guy… especially when I have my own entertainment,” Jongin said, hooking his leg around Kyungsoo’s waist when he came close and wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo, placing a hand over his ass.

“How does this feel anyway? Are you sure you should be moving around and cleaning my apartment for me?” Jongin asked.

“It’s fine… besides, you’re going to help me, right? I’m holding you to that, you know,” Kyungsoo said threateningly. Since Jongin couldn’t think of anything better to do he said “Why the hell not?” and let Kyungsoo get all the cleaning products and things out from the store room while he picked things up from the ground so that Kyungsoo could start vacuuming first.

“Won’t my neighbors think it’s weird that I’m vacuuming the place at night?” Jongin called to Kyungsoo.

“If you don’t vacuum first the mop will get dirty later, so. At least you won’t have to wash the mop later by hand,” Kyungsoo replied. Well, when he put it that way Jongin thought it made a lot of sense indeed, and continued to pick things up from the ground, putting them either on the sofa or the low TV table.

After that, Kyungsoo told Jongin to fill the mopping pail halfway with water. When Jongin rolled it back to the living room, Kyungsoo poured some detergent into it and squeezed the water out of the mop, making sure to wring out every drop of water before he handed the mop to Jongin.

“What?” Jongin asked, bewildered.

“You said you’d help,” Kyungsoo said nonchalantly. “Mopping usually hurts my back and butt, surprisingly. I’ll tell you how to mop, don’t worry,” Kyungsoo smiled.

If Jongin hadn’t promised to help and wasn’t sleeping with Kyungsoo, he’d probably fling the mop out of the balcony beside him. Instead, he gritted his teeth and tried to get on with it, starting at the farthest corner of the living room. Kyungsoo told him to put some strength into the mop as he dragged it back and forth across the floor.

“Yeah, like that,” Kyungsoo nodded when Jongin did it right, “Just do that and dip the mop back into the water once you’re done with the living room. Don’t forget under the sofa as well,” Kyungsoo said.

“Do you really do this every weekend?” Jongin asked. He hadn’t even mopped a quarter of his apartment but was already starting to sweat.

“Every three days, actually. I do it on Wednesdays, too,” Kyungsoo informed him cheerfully. “Right, so you can just mop for now, and I’ll go clean all your windows.” Jongin nodded silently. Kyungsoo went off, and soon Jongin found himself approaching the kitchen after mopping under all the furniture in the living room. It wasn’t as difficult and tiring as he thought it’d be, though it was hard work nonetheless.

Kyungsoo was wiping down Jongin’s floor-to-ceiling window behind his bed when he was done with the kitchen as well, and he went over just to see how Kyungsoo was doing.

“Hyung, come see how shiny the floor is now,” Jongin said, popping his head through the doorway. Kyungsoo was on his knees, wiping the window with his cloth carefully as if it would break if he applied too much pressure on it. He hummed distractedly in reply at Jongin, rubbing at a spot on the window.

“Hyung, it’s a window, not the Pink Panther diamond,” Jongin said crossly. Kyungsoo laughed weakly, taking another moment or two before he turned around to look at Jongin.

“What?” he said, almost dreamily. Jongin sighed half in exasperation, half in disbelief. “You really like cleaning, don’t you?”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Are you done with the living room already? Let me see,” he said, getting up and placing the cloth he was using into a small bucket of dirty water. He too was sweating already, though not as much as Jongin. He would probably need to shower later, if he had to keep ‘putting strength’ into mopping.

Kyungsoo glanced out at the living room and hummed appreciatively. “You actually _can_ mop,” he said in amazement, looking up at Jongin.  

“And _you_ can actually relax. Hm? Hm? Yeah?” Jongin nodded, smiling widely. Kyungsoo waved him away, trying not to smile. “I still have half of your window to clean. You can come in and mop your room now,” Kyungsoo said, heading back into Jongin’s room.

It didn’t take as long to mop up his room obviously, but when he was done Kyungsoo was still wiping at his window like he was working at fucking Buckingham Palace or something. “Hyung, I’m done… what about you?” Jongin said, just to be ironic.

“Mm, not yet. Still gotta get this spot—”

“Hyung, I’m done. _Done_ with mopping my _entire_ apartment. And you’re not done with wiping my window?” Jongin said slowly.

“Big window,” was all Kyungsoo replied. Good God. Jongin couldn’t imagine how long he’d take if he’d let Kyungsoo mop the floor instead. “Hyung, why don’t I do the window instead?” Jongin pretended to offer.

“No, I don’t wanna do something halfway,” Kyungsoo shook his head, caressing the glass. “Hyung, you’re taking too long,” Jongin said flatly.

Kyungsoo turned around then, cheeks red from all the effort of cleaning the windows oh-so-carefully. “We don’t have anything else better to do though,” he replied, “might as well give the window a good clean.”

“We _do_ have something else to do,” Jongin answered without thinking, folding his arms across his chest.

“Oh, really?” Kyungsoo said doubtfully, returning his attention to the window. _Quick, think of something,_ Jongin told himself, looking around the room frantically for an idea. Not sex, because Kyungsoo would just roll his eyes. Not eating, not cleaning…

“We have to make er, paper cranes,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo stopped.

“Paper cranes?” he echoed.

“Paper cranes. For uh, my living room. Don’t you think it lacks paper cranes?” Jongin said, laughing nervously.

Jongin saw Kyungsoo’s reflection smile. “Not the first thing I think it lacks but… sounds like an idea,” he said. Jongin gave a quiet sigh of relief. At least he managed to divert Kyungsoo’s attention from cleaning. A few paper cranes never did anyone harm anyway.

And that was how Jongin and Kyungsoo ended up folding dozens of paper cranes and other animals to decorate every flat surface. They used some old flyers Kyungsoo found in the store room and even a small spool of thread to hang some of them up later. Together they sat on the sofa, sweat drying off under the AC while Kyungsoo taught him how to fold a piece of paper into the shape of a cheetah on the prowl.

“Where the fuck did you learn to do all these animals?” Jongin asked, pressing a corner down to make the cheetah’s head. He told Kyungsoo he was going to try to make a cheetah without his help and was determined that it would come out nicely on the first try.

Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly at his question. “I had a cool art teacher in middle school. She was nice,” Kyungsoo said, shrugging nonchalantly. Jongin nodded understandingly, folding a neat line after aligning it with another fold he’d done.

“What about you, though? What’s your excuse for needing so many paper cranes?” Kyungsoo asked, suppressing a grin.

“Told you it was to decorate the place. It’s the trend to use paper cranes these days… Say, do you think this’ll look nice hanging over my front door—” Kyungsoo smacked his arm lightly at the sudden change of subject.

“C’mon, no one really needs so many paper cranes or paper elephants and paper zebras. Plus, they’re all made of flyers… Doesn’t fit the theme of your living room and all,” Kyungsoo said, leaning against the sofa and looking up at Jongin with his wide eyes.

Jongin felt his heart skip a beat at the way Kyungsoo stared up at him, waiting for an answer. He didn’t know what it was, the warmth in his eyes or the sudden realization that he’d never connected with someone else like this before, not even with Chanyeol, Sehun or Suho. He swallowed thickly, quickly looking away as he folded the flyer in his hand, the cheetah’s shape slowly coming into view.

“Had to get you away from my window somehow,” Jongin mumbled. Kyungsoo burst out laughing, pushing at Jongin’s shoulder half heartedly. Jongin gave a shy smile, biting his lip.

“It’s _your_ window, I was doing it for _your_ benefit,” Kyungsoo started to say, before he looked down at Jongin’s hands and noticed he was done with the cheetah. “Oh, you’re done. And on the first try too. Look at it,” Kyungsoo said, holding it up to admire the shape. Jongin let him take the paper cheetah, staring at Kyungsoo’s neckline.

He was saying something but Jongin didn’t quite catch it, letting Kyungsoo hold it in his palm. He smiled up at Jongin as he spoke, eyes curling into half-moons and Jongin smiled back despite the fact that he had no idea what Kyungsoo was saying.

Kyungsoo giggled sweetly then, placing the cheetah down among the rest of the origami pieces they’d made. “We can place these all over the house later,” Kyungsoo said, admiring their handiwork for a moment. He picked up another piece of paper and handed it to Jongin, motioning for him to continue.

Maybe it was dumb to think of the origami pieces they’d made as anything else but, yet it still felt like they were folding more than just glossy paper between their fingers. It felt like he was folding Kyungsoo into his life and putting the paper cranes around the house would only attest to the fact that he did like Kyungsoo very much, and letting him in was like opening a door to let the breeze in.

“… sometimes, and he’s really good at it.” Kyungsoo cocked his head to one side, looking at Jongin curiously when he realized that Jongin wasn’t folding anything, just staring blankly at Kyungsoo.

“Is something up?” Kyungsoo asked.

 Jongin shook his head. “Nothing,” he said, and smiled knowingly. Kyungsoo blinked at him curiously for a few seconds, before he returned hesitantly back to the paper zebra he was folding. Whatever it was, he’d probably find out later anyway.

 


	15. babe, there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you (don't you agree?)

“Jongin, my parents wants you over for lunch tomorrow at my place. You wanna come over?” Suho asked.

Jongin gnawed on the end of his ball point pen, tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. He wasn’t sure what to say to Suho. He wasn’t really in the mood to see anyone’s parents lately. Feeling conflicted was weird considering that he knew he had absolutely nothing planned for the weekend. “Um,” he said eloquently, just to stall for time.

“You busy tomorrow? What about Sunday?” Suho inquired. Jongin ran a hand through his hair anxiously.

“No, I’m not busy,” he answered slowly. “Just— why do your parents want me over again?” he asked, dodging the question. Lunch with anybody’s parents other than yours (sometimes including your own parents) was usually never a good sign, but Suho’s parents considered Jongin an extended member of the family (for better or worse, Jongin supposed).

“I told them about you officially taking over Accuretta. They’re ecstatic, you know... Mom wants to congratulate you in person,” Suho said. Jongin could tell he was smiling his fatherly smile on the other line. Suho was _such_ a dad sometimes. 

“Oh. It probably won’t take too long, right?” Jongin asked, cringing. It was hard to refuse when he had no excuse.

“Just lunch, maybe some wine after... Of course you’re welcome to stay over like you used to,” Suho laughed. Jongin laughed nervously in reply. He didn’t even stay over at his own parents’ place after seeing them for the first time in three years, there was no way in hell he was going to stay over at Suho’s place.

“I guess I could make it... what time?” Jongin said begrudgingly. Suho told him to come over at twelve-ish, code for ‘be there at twelve or be ready to answer some gruelling questions over lunch’.

“Fine. Tell your parents I’m coming then,” Jongin said somewhat sulkily.

“That’s the spirit,” Suho said cheerfully. They hung up after that, and Jongin leaned into his seat and dropped the pen onto his desk, sighing heavily.

He didn’t mind Suho’s parents all that much, really. Mostly he was just bummed that it was three in the afternoon on a Friday and his empty schedule for this weekend was _still empty_. This weekend Kyungsoo was supposed to be with Luhan, and so Jongin backed off to let him have his own nerdy/non-sexual interaction with another human being.

It was easier said than done though, when he came into the office on Monday and almost went hard at the memory of fucking Kyungsoo over his desk last week.

 _Good times_ , Jongin thought with a smile. It was the only thing that kept him going through five days of endless meetings and making decisions that would hopefully not cause the demise of Accuretta Systems. That and slowly emptying a bottle of brandy down his throat over the course of those five days. Otherwise he would probably be hanging in his bathroom with his tie around his neck.  

Regardless of boring meetings and even more boring statistic reports on the company’s shares however, Jongin could still find it in himself to smile at times like this.

He kept going through the weekend he’d spent with Kyungsoo in his head and how Kyungsoo’s face had lit up when they were cuddled up in bed after dinner and he’d said almost wonderingly, “I don’t feel alone now.”

Jongin knew then, that if there was any heart-breaking to be done, he’d rather Kyungsoo trample all over his heart and leave than to shatter Kyungsoo and leave him worse than before. He would _not_ hurt Kyungsoo, not if he had every choice to go out of his way and make Kyungsoo feel better about himself. Kyungsoo had gone through enough and so God help Jongin if he didn’t want to be a monster.

It wasn’t like he was in love with Kyungsoo. God no, it was _way_ too early to be in love with anyone. And thinking about Kyungsoo’s smile (and his butt) all day was just... affection. One was supposed to feel affection for one’s secret boyfriend, no?

 _Boyfriend_ , Jongin cringed at the word and smiled at the same time. As if he wasn’t clichéd enough, keeping Kyungsoo a secret from everyone he knew. As much as he was happy that Kyungsoo was happy, he felt like a third grader who was friends with some kid whom his parents told him to stay away from.

Jongin glanced at the time on his computer; it was time to go home soon. All he needed to do was go through a few more things and then he could collapse in bed once he reached his apartment till it was time to see Suho’s parents. He was exhausted from the week’s exertions, and it showed when he found himself yawning during the day.

He rifled through a few papers, setting some of them into different sets to handle them next week. Sehun would come in later and put them in the proper folders for him so that everything would be organized when he needed it in the near future. Keeping his hands busy settled him somewhat. As much he disliked the idea still of taking over Accuretta, it did give him a sense of purpose.

At least he had something to do instead of sit in his apartment all day and think about all the positions he could try out with Kyungsoo anyway (though he wasn’t opposed to wondering if Kyungsoo was flexible enough to use the sex swing).

As he stuffed papers into his briefcase and set his tablet carefully into one of the pockets of his briefcase, Jongin’s phone buzzed, surprising him. He picked up his phone and read the caller ID before he smiled, tapping on the green button to take the call.

“Hi, hyung,” he said, wedging his phone between his shoulder and ear.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo replied, sounding a little breathless. Jongin felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound of Kyungsoo’s smooth and oh-so-suggestive voice. _Fuck, it’s been too long_ , Jongin thought.

“Missing me already?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo laughed softly on the other line, probably blushing away. “A bit, yeah. But I know I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“Soon? How is next weekend considered ‘soon’?” Jongin asked. He wished in his heart that Kyungsoo had called maybe to say that Luhan had sudden plans and that Kyungsoo could be his for the entire weekend, pleasing each other in more ways than one, but there was no way Kyungsoo would be this calm if that was what he called up to say to Jongin.

“It’s only exactly a week from now... And besides, I’m not talking about next week. I’m calling ‘cause um,” Kyungsoo paused. Jongin could picture him biting on his lip and wanted to slap himself for acting and feeling so sappy.   


“Um?” Jongin repeated.

“Um. Um, is your PA there? Outside your office?” Kyungsoo asked. It didn’t sound like that was the question he wanted to ask but Jongin played along. “Yeah, he is. Why?” he asked, not quite understanding where this was going to lead but loving it all the same.

“Well, I thought—you know, since we’re not going to see each other till next week probably, and we haven’t seen each other this week too, um. Maybe I could come over? To your office? If you’re there? Everyone’s starting to head out, so the coast is clear for me. And just... I dunno. I want to see you,” Kyungsoo said shyly. Jongin wanted to smash through the glass wall behind him from the bashful naïveté in Kyungsoo’s voice.

“You could... I wouldn’t mind you coming over to my office since any time you come in it always leaves an impression on me but,” Jongin frowned, “my assistant technically isn’t allowed to leave till I do.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said. The disappointment was mutual. Jongin missed seeing Kyungsoo, even if it was nothing more than a brief glance, just to know that he was fine.

“Then I could always call you later. Or whatever, y’know?” Kyungsoo said awkwardly.

“I don’t mind ordering in if you want to come over to my apartment,” Jongin offered hopefully.

“No, Luhan wants a head start on watching Attack on Titan.... We might stay up till it’s really late and then wake up and continue where we left off.”

“Hm. Sounds more interesting than my own plans for tomorrow. Suho’s parents want to meet me and congratulate me over lunch. It’ll be... interesting,” Jongin said sarcastically. Kyungsoo gurgled.

“Good luck with that then. So... guess I’ll see you around then?” Kyungsoo said.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to send Sehun and Taewoon away so you can come in and give me a good luck kiss for tomorrow?” Jongin asked, biting his lip and shutting his briefcase. He wouldn’t mind giving it a try and see if he couldn’t send Sehun and Taewoon scurrying off.

“You can—You _would do_ that?” Kyungsoo asked, voice going up three octaves and sounding genuinely shocked.

“Are you going to leave right now? I know your bus hasn’t arrived,” Jongin said, looking at the time again.

Kyungsoo paused for a moment. “If you can’t get Sehun out of the way then it’s fine though. Like you said, right? I can come over anytime?” he said, sounding a little regretful.

“Yes, but—you know what, I have an idea after all,” Jongin said with a wide smile, and hung up before Kyungsoo could talk him out of it. Jongin was itching for a chance to see Kyungsoo; his idea would probably work so long as he didn’t rouse Sehun’s suspicions (among other things).

Stepping out of his office nonchalantly, Jongin looked at Sehun and then to Taewoon. Sehun was stapling stacks of paper together while Taewoon was making copies with the copy machine, counting each page to himself as it whirred out. Sehun glanced up at Jongin.

“You heading home now?”

“Yeah... Really tired and all. You guys gonna be here for long?” Jongin asked, pretending to sound concerned. Well, he _was_ concerned but not _that_ concerned.

“Might be here for a little while. There’s still a few more copies to make and then to hand it out to all the board members...” Sehun shrugged. “Mm,” Jongin nodded understandingly.

“Well. You’re working hard obviously, I see. I’ll leave you both to it, hm?” Jongin said.

“Right. Bye,” Sehun said flatly, already returning his attention to the stacks of paper in front of him.

G _ood_ , Jongin thought. Since Sehun and Taewoon both had their hands busy, they probably wouldn’t suspect anything. Jongin waved goodbye to Taewoon and headed to the elevator, whistling a tune he heard on the radio to himself for maximum nonchalance.

It did occur to him that he was a tad bit over the top by doing this, but it was his one chance that he could see Kyungsoo for sure, and one couldn’t blame him for going all the way (he was a Capricorn anyway, and thought he should live up to the expectation of how Capricorns were supposed to be; head strong, reckless, one track minded). He pressed for the elevator and got out his phone, whistling away till the call clicked through.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Come down to the nineteenth floor and meet me in the men’s room,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and sighed. It sounded like he had something to say but he went, “’Kay.”

Jongin quickly hung up (because _what_ _if Sehun can sense with his mind that I’m calling Kyungsoo, oh God_ ), and stabbed the button for the nineteenth floor with his finger, watching carefully to make sure Sehun and Taewoon weren’t looking in his direction. If they were, they would be able to tell right away when the elevator stopped on the nineteenth floor and guess something was up, since Jongin never usually bothered to stop at any other floors before, especially not at this time.

He cast a nervous glance around when the elevator halted at the nineteenth floor and feigned a limp to the men’s room in case there were any lurking eyes around watching him. Suho wasn’t in the building today because his parents had flown in from their holiday trip to Europe just last night (hence the invitation to lunch), but you never know.

Holding a hand to his stomach, Jongin hobbled slowly till he reached the thankfully deserted men’s room and took a look at his reflection, smoothening one side of his hair before he entered one of the stalls, shutting the door and locking it firmly. He sat down on the covered toilet bowl, listening carefully for any sounds of someone entering the men’s room.

After a minute or two of patiently sitting on the throne, he heard footfalls approaching the men’s room. _Finally_ , Jongin thought, straightening his back and setting his briefcase carefully on the ground beside him.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s voice called. Jongin felt a jitter of excitement rush through him and cleared his throat, “Step into my office, would you?” He unlocked the door with his foot since the stall was so tiny, sliding the lock and letting the door creak open. Kyungsoo peeped into his ‘office’, a crooked smile on his face.

“Small office you got there.”

“Uh-huh, step right in,” Jongin said, keeping a straight face. Kyungsoo chewed on his lip as he shuffled in, trying not to laugh when he locked the door and was practically bumping knees with Jongin.

“You wanted to see me?” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo nodded, hands going to his bag unconsciously to fiddle with the strap. “I heard you were going to see some very important people soon, _sir_ , and I thought you might need a bit of luck,” Kyungsoo mumbled shyly, staring at the ground.

“How kind of you. And exactly how will you be giving me this luck of yours?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo took a step forward (as big a step he could muster in the tiny space of the stall) and trailed a lazy finger down Jongin’s tie tucked under his jacket, biting his lip as he kept his gaze lowered.

“Dunno,” he shrugged. “How _should_ I go about doing that?”

Jongin placed a hand around Kyungsoo’s thigh, fingers curving to fit perfectly around his soft flesh. “Mouth-to-mouth is probably the best. Very effective when taken orally, I heard, this luck.”

Kyungsoo’s lips curled into a small smile as he leaned forward to kiss Jongin, sucking at his upper lip. Jongin swiped his tongue across Kyungsoo’s mouth, persuading his mouth open.

Jongin couldn’t help but slide his hand upwards to palm at Kyungsoo’s ass while they kissed, swallowing Kyungsoo’s soft moan when Jongin pinched him gently. “Still sore?” Jongin asked between kisses.

He nodded silently, a hand running through Jongin’s hair as he leaned his head to the right and kissed Jongin fiercely, his tongue swirling over Jongin’s.

“I should kiss it better for you, no?” Jongin asked, squeezing his ass. Kyungsoo gave a muffled giggle and broke off, shaking his head reluctantly. “I can’t bend over ‘cause if anyone walks in they’ll see my head at the bottom of the door,” he said, pressing a kiss to Jongin’s cheek.

“Well. It’s the thought that counts,” Jongin said gruffly, lacing their fingers together.

Kyungsoo hummed in agreement, swinging his leg over and dropping onto Jongin’s lap. He kissed Jongin again, messing his hair up by running both hands into Jongin’s hair. Jongin kissed back with as much enthusiasm, trying his best to fit his hands down Kyungsoo’s pants to touch the bare skin of his cute ass.

It wasn’t till Jongin’s phone pinged intrusively in his pocket and they broke apart as if someone had just barged in and caught them making out like teenagers. “Could you get it for me?” Jongin asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. Kyungsoo gladly obliged and dug into his jacket, feeling for the phone till he found it and unlocked the screen.

Jongin was content to let Kyungsoo read the message aloud for him right up to the second he saw Kyungsoo lift his eyebrow questioningly and realized his wallpaper was still a picture of Kyungsoo’s soft booty.

“What um—How did you get this?” Kyungsoo asked, showing Jongin the wallpaper.

“The way you get all your pictures of me,” Jongin said sweetly. Kyungsoo looked at him blankly. “So that’s what it feels like.”

“Your butt looks nice though, I didn’t even have to add any filters—” Jongin pointed.

“Can’t you set a nicer, maybe more kid-friendly picture of me? I mean, it d-doesn’t have to be _me_ necessarily, you know, I’m just saying—” Kyungsoo rambled, staring at his own butt for another second before he opened up Jongin’s notifications and clicked on his message.

“Suho says to come over at one instead of twelve because Chanyeol can’t make it at twelve,” Kyungsoo read aloud.

Jongin frowned. “Chanyeol’s coming?” he said, more to himself than to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo shrugged, handing the phone to Jongin. “Evidently sounds like it.” Jongin sighed heavily, locking his phone and shoving it into his jacket.

“I didn’t know Chanyeol was going to come. If Chanyeol comes then means Sehun will come along as well. It’ll be a party for something I don’t think is even worth celebrating,” he muttered. Kyungsoo held his face in both hands, tilting his head up to meet his gaze.

“I think you can do it,” he said softly, “you can’t be that bad at it, right?” Kyungsoo gave him a chaste kiss.

“Who knows?” Jongin asked. “I could ruin my father’s company name, and then you wouldn’t be half as attracted to me as you are now,” he said.

Kyungsoo laughed, neatening Jongin’s hair. “You know that’s not true. I have a whole room covered in pictures of you to prove that I won’t be dissuaded so easily,” he smiled. Jongin, for the first time between them, blushed just a little and looked away, tonguing the inside of his cheek.

“Sure, hyung,” he muttered. Kyungsoo laughed it off lightly, doing his fringe carefully before he stood up from his lap and gave Jongin a small smile.

“I didn’t think you ever got shy,” he said. 

“Only happens once a year,” Jongin replied, resisting the urge to caress a hand along the length of Kyungsoo’s thighs. He had such nice legs, all firm and soft at the same time in all the right places. Kyungsoo didn’t notice where Jongin was staring at and just said, “Glad to have witnessed it firsthand then. We should uh, probably get going since my bus is bound to arrive soon...”

Jongin snapped out of it reluctantly, shifting his gaze from his thighs to Kyungsoo’s face.

“Hm. Okay. Hyung, have you ever thought of wearing skinny jeans?” Jongin asked, standing up slowly. The stall immediately felt crowded at once.

“Skinny jeans? No, why?” Kyungsoo asked, puzzled.

“Maybe you should invest in a pair or two... Your legs would look great in olive-coloured jeans maybe, or just regular black jeans,” Jongin said, reaching behind Kyungsoo to unlock the door.

Kyungsoo looked like he was surprised with the change in direction of the conversation. “I’ll...  think about it,” Kyungsoo mused, “I usually can’t get a nicely fitted pair of jeans ‘cause my waist is a little small, while my thighs are—”

“Lovely,” Jongin interrupted, “I like your thighs. Don’t ever complain about them like some teenage girl with no thigh gap because I like them,” he said.

Kyungsoo stared up at Jongin with wide eyes. Jongin stared right back.

“I’m serious,” Jongin added. “I’d love to peel a pair of skinny jeans off of you someday,” he smiled and Kyungsoo looked away first, pink colouring his cheeks.

“S-stop,” Kyungsoo mumbled, stepping out of the stall and standing to one side for Jongin to come out.

“I’m not going to stop when it’s the truth...” Jongin bit his lip, “and anyway, you should really think about it. Just think of all the possibilities,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Then he changed the subject before Kyungsoo exploded.

“Text me, will ya?” he kissed Kyungsoo’s temple.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo said breathlessly, patting his own cheeks. Jongin chucked him under the chin before walking out, whistling as if nothing had happened.

*

Jongin had thought that seeing Kyungsoo in the men’s room was enough to last till next week at least, but he was already thinking of him by the time he reached home after eating out.

He’d never thought of someone like this before; like it was a constant itch he couldn’t help scratching despite the fact that he was aware the relief from the itch would only be temporary. Jongin didn’t even know why he was thinking so much about Kyungsoo anyway, it wasn’t like he was thinking about him in any particular way.

It was just little things like _oh, I wonder if he’s eaten_ or _I wonder if he’s already started his anime marathon yet, should I call and tell him I miss him?_ He wondered at one point as well, that if Kyungsoo was thinking of the same things about him. Of course he could text Kyungsoo, but he didn’t want to seem desperate and chase Kyungsoo away.

Not too long after that though, it all became a bit too much while he was taking a shower when he accidentally put body soap in his hair and shampoo on his body just because he was staring at the bathtub and picturing both of them in it.

Jongin decided he’d have to visit the gym sometime during the weekend for sure just to distract himself _. Otherwise I’d never make it through this weekend without him_ , Jongin grimaced. He hated feeling needy or coming off as needy; it just didn’t seem to be a trait in him he wanted people to see in him.  

For the meantime however, Jongin needed something else to distract him as well. It was only ten, far too early for bedtime and there was nothing on TV today. Jongin powered up his laptop and determinedly clicked on Skype and then on Chanyeol’s name; the ultimate distraction.

Chanyeol’s face appeared on Jongin’s laptop a few seconds later.

“Jongin?” Chanyeol’s deep voice made his entire laptop vibrate. “Mm,” Jongin replied, propping the laptop beside him while he sat in bed.

“This better not be some kind of sex Skype call,” Chanyeol said suspiciously. Jongin could see a bit of glitter around his eyes and wondered if he was going out soon. “Are you busy?” Jongin asked, a little disappointed.

“No. But it’s rare for you to call unless it’s something urgent... Is it about taking over the company again? Or Kyungsoo? Or is it what to wear on a date with Kyungsoo? Because God help you and your closet, Jongin—”

“It’s actually none of the above, I’m just calling because I’m bored and I know you’ll have something to talk about to bore me with so I can fall asleep while listening to you,” Jongin replied, tone snarky. It seemed like the entire universe was against Jongin on _not_ thinking about Kyungsoo. _In fact, the universe hasn’t been much on my side lately,_ Jongin thought.

Chanyeol looked like he was about to reply with an equally scathing comment but changed his mind.

“Maybe it’s not Kyungsoo or your dismal wardrobe but I bet it’s something that’s been on your mind. Otherwise you wouldn’t be taking desperate measures,” he said, before turning his laptop till it faced his bed.

Since Jongin was familiar with Chanyeol’s room he assumed the laptop was on Chanyeol’s vanity table (aptly named) and... yup, he was drawing eyeliner as he waited for Jongin’s answer. On Jongin’s screen it looked like he was staring at a spot somewhere above the laptop’s camera, where a mirror was located.

Jongin pursed his lips. Well sure, he’d been thinking about Kyungsoo an awful lot lately. Thinking about what kind of restaurants had takeout so they could eat-out-in-the-apartment, thinking about what kind of positions they could explore in the sex room... Oh sure, he was thinking about Kyungsoo a lot. And that was actually an understatement.

“Maybe I am thinking a little bit about Kyungsoo,” Jongin mumbled.

Chanyeol laughed, holding his eyeliner brush away from his eye to avoid messing up the black line on his eyelid. “And you just said it wasn’t about him.”

“No, it’s not that I denied thinking about him out of spite, I just... I can’t seem to help it,” Jongin exclaimed, shifting in bed uncomfortably. Chanyeol gave a wise hmm. Hmm’s did not help Jongin’s case. Not one bit.

“Are you heading out soon, Chanyeol? That’s a lot of eyeliner,” Jongin commented.

“I don’t sleep wearing full makeup, y’know,” Chanyeol replied flatly. _Whatever then_ , Jongin thought, so long as he was still willing to stay online.

“Chanyeol, is there a real reason why I’m thinking so much about Kyungsoo? Like seriously? Because other than thinking about him itself, I’m also thinking about other shit like where to eat, where to take walks with him, where to make him feel like it’s not a big deal to be with me...”

“It isn’t that big of a deal to be with you, I assure you, Jongin,” Chanyeol replied immediately, finishing off his eyeliner neatly, “Not as big a deal as it is to date me anyway,” he smiled.

Jongin rolled his eyes. “Whatever, okay? Just. Hear me out,” he said, motioning for Chanyeol to humour him.

“Okay then... What was your question again?” Chanyeol asked, capping his eyeliner and putting it down somewhere beside the laptop, out of Jongin’s view. He grabbed something and disappeared from the screen for a moment while Jongin just said absently, “Why am I thinking of Kyungsoo so much?”

Chanyeol kept a blank expression on his face, impassive as a god. Two caps came into view as he tried to choose between two of them and said, “You must’ve had quite a lot of sex with him if you’re thinking about him so much.”

Jongin grunted at Chanyeol, sending him a dry look. Sex _wasn’t_ everything. It was maybe eighty percent... or seventy percent. _No, it’s definitely fifty-fifty now_ , Jongin thought. He had to admit, he did come into this (the intangible _this_ ) mostly wondering about what it’d be like to have sex with another man. And then all the spanking implements came along, which made Jongin all the more curious and he dug deeper into the rabbit hole.

Of course, that was just until he realized Kyungsoo was more broken than he appeared to be and how much he wanted to fix him so badly.

“Well?” Chanyeol demanded, putting a cap on that said ‘hot stuff’ in bold, iridescent plastic alphabets stuck to the cap. “Well,” Jongin repeated, “We do see each other weekly,” he said slowly.

“Oh, then that solves everything, doesn’t it? You think about him ‘cause you see him every week,” Chanyeol said, adjusting his cap carefully over his hair. He took it off and put it on again while Jongin frowned at him, eyebrows furrowed. That wasn’t the answer Jongin had been expecting.

“I—”

“If you think about him so much then why don’t you take him out on a date already?” Chanyeol asked, “You’re already sleeping together, it can’t be _that_ weird to ask him out.”  

“Well, it’s not weird, and I have taken him out before, just once... We can’t really go out together in public, though,” Jongin grimaced. Chanyeol adjusted his cap onto his head for the millionth time in one minute, squinting at his reflection.

“Why the fuck not?” he asked, a little flatly as if he wasn’t aware of what Jongin was saying.

“I’m taking over Accuretta soon,” Jongin shrugged, “People are gonna be watching me. Who knows what the press will assume about us even if we just say that we’re friends... And then Sehun too, will see me on the news for being out and about in Seoul with an alleged ‘friend’; he’ll eat my heart out,” Jongin said, shaking his head. Too much trouble for a light lunch, really. 

“You haven’t told Sehun and Suho about Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asked, sparing a pitiful glance at Jongin.

Jongin shook his head, chewing his bottom lip. “I don’t plan on telling ‘em. They almost had a mental breakdown when I told them I’d kissed Kyungsoo; what will they do when they realize I’ve been sleeping with him this entire time?” Jongin laughed hollowly.

Chanyeol chuckled. “I dunno. I think they’d support you though, after they get over the initial shock. Don’t you agree?” he asked, finally setting his cap offset at an angle that made it look very casual and cool, though Jongin now knew otherwise.

He shrugged at Chanyeol’s question. Would Suho and Sehun support him? Jongin didn’t know, and he didn’t intend to find out.

Talking about all this was one thing with Chanyeol; he wasn’t biased in his opinions and neither was he the sort of person to look at people differently (unless you dressed badly). It was another thing entirely, a whole other planet even, if he had to break it to Suho and Sehun that they were sort of together now.

 _Who’s to say they wouldn’t start World War Three just because of this?_ Jongin laughed softly at that thought. 

“Sehun and Suho are like the voices of reason, y’know?” Jongin said to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol lifted an eyebrow in amusement, fiddling with his fringe. “So what am I, the voice of reckless activity?”

Jongin laughed. “No... You’re the answering machine,” Jongin declared, “An answering machine who deletes all my messages whenever I make a call to listen to the voice of reason.” Chanyeol rolled his eyes and laughed, flicking the cap he wasn’t wearing aside.

“What’s the point of telling you not to do something when I know you’ll do it anyway, though? I might as well help you out,” Chanyeol grinned at Jongin before standing up and walking away from the laptop.

“You heading out now?” Jongin asked.

“Yup. We’ll continue this session when I see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to take your medication,” Chanyeol called. He sounded like he was shouting from a distance. _Oh right_ , Jongin thought. He almost forgot about Suho’s lunch.

“Ha-ha,” Jongin rolled his eyes. “Bye,” Chanyeol shouted, and Jongin ended the call.

He flopped back into bed after shutting his laptop down, staring up at the ceiling blankly. Well. _Was that therapy session helpful?_ he asked himself.

 _Nah_ , he answered his own question. No, not really. He still wasn’t sure why he was thinking so much about Kyungsoo. Chanyeol had distracted him well enough, but now he was back to square one again.

“So much for clearing things up,” Jongin sighed to himself, folding his arms over his chest. He bit his lip, looking over on the right side of the bed where Kyungsoo usually slept. Kyungsoo was out of sight, certainly, but he was definitely not out of mind. Jongin wished that Kyungsoo was here now, just so that he could touch him and feel like everything in the world would be alright.

*

By morning, Jongin couldn’t resist the temptation of his phone lying on the dresser anymore. He couldn’t remember what he’d dreamt of in the night but was fairly sure it involved Kyungsoo and women’s underwear.

He got up and did his morning routine first, brushing his teeth followed by a quick shower before he dialled Kyungsoo’s number while standing at his closet, wondering what to wear.

 _It’s just a phone call_ , he told himself. Nothing wrong with a short little phone call.

Besides, he had every right to call him up as a... a something-like-a-boyfriend person in his life and ask him what to wear to Suho’s place. It was weirder _not_ to call him anyway; usually one of them reached out to the other after 24 hours of silence, and though Jongin wasn’t counting the hours (oh no, he didn’t wake up at nine in the morning and think _wow, it’s been 16 hours since I saw him_. Nope, not at all) it already _felt_ like 24 hours. Surely that meant something.

It was kind of early in the morning though, and when Kyungsoo didn’t pick up by the sixth ring Jongin was about to hang up when the call suddenly went through.

“Hello?” he said cautiously.

Kyungsoo or whoever was on the line didn’t answer right away; there was only silence except for some faint banging noise in the background. “Hm,” someone finally grunted.

“Hyung?” Jongin lifted an eyebrow.

“Speaking,” Kyungsoo mumbled. 

“Hyung, are you okay? You sound terrible,” Jongin remarked. He sounded like his vocal chords had taken a spin in a food blender and only stepped out after being shredded to within an inch of its life. _What were they doing last night?_ Jongin thought, _getting into a screaming match against one another?_

“Hm... too much,” Kyungsoo croaked, clearing his throat, “too many chips last night.”

 _Well, at least someone enjoyed himself last night_ , Jongin thought, smiling just a little. “What did you watch last night?” he asked, fingering one of his dress shirts in the closet. 

“A lot,” Kyungsoo replied, sounding bleary and tired.

“I bet you enjoyed yourself. Are you even awake right now?” Jongin said teasingly.

“Physically or emotionally?” Kyungsoo murmured softly. Jongin laughed. He wouldn’t be surprised if Kyungsoo stayed up till four or five in the morning, just watching anime like a bona fide nerd.

“I won’t interrupt your sleep then. I just wanted to ask you if you had any idea what I should wear today and...” Jongin paused for a moment, “just wanted to know if you’re doing okay.”

“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo sighed, “why wouldn’t I be? And I wouldn’t know what to tell you to wear...”

“You stalked me for three years though, I’m sure you’ve seen quite a few outfits you liked,” Jongin replied, biting down on a big smile. Kyungsoo grunted in reply.

“... I dunno. Where are you going? Suho’s parents’ place?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yeah, for lunch,” Jongin affirmed.

Kyungsoo seemed to think about it for a while. “Well, what do you feel like wearing? Something black, something colourful?” he asked.

“Something that will pale in comparison to whatever Chanyeol might wear since he’s coming too,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo laughed; his laughter was loud and then soft, as if he’d shifted the phone away from his ear for a moment.

“Okay... Why don’t you wear a collared shirt and jeans? Are you very casual with Suho’s parents or—”

“Super casual,” Jongin cut in, “we did everything and anything in college together, so they’ve seen it all.” Maybe they’d even seen too much of Jongin.

“Okay... so jeans. Or your best big boy pants, maybe,” Kyungsoo mused. He sounded like he was much more awake now, though there was just a hint of drowsiness that he couldn’t quite shake off yet. Jongin was willing to bet that Kyungsoo was still sitting up in bed.

“Big boy pants, huh? Alright then,” Jongin said, pushing a few hangers aside to look through his folded pile of proper pants at the bottom shelf of the closet. He pulled out a pair that could probably work with one of his plain white shirts and flung it to the bed.

“What about shoes?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo gave a huff. “I don’t look at your shoes,” he replied.

“Really? I thought you liked looking at everything about me...” Kyungsoo gurgled indignantly. “Anyway, my outfit is complete for today, all thanks to you. I’m sure Suho’s mother would approve,” Jongin laughed lightly. 

“You’re welcome, I guess,” Kyungsoo replied, and Jongin could hear the smile in his voice.

“You should probably get back to sleep now, hyung,” Jongin said, sliding the closet door shut. Kyungsoo made a noise of appraisal.

“I don’t think so... you called so early and I’m up now. I don’t think there’s any chance of me falling asleep,” Kyungsoo said, groaning towards the end. Jongin felt oddly pleased and sorry for Kyungsoo at the same time.

“My sincerest apologies, hyung. Regardless, I still have to get ready for lunch and,” he sighed heavily, “prepare myself for an entire weekend without you.”

He could practically hear the steam rushing to Kyungsoo’s face and out of his ears. “I-it’s not our weekend today,” he stuttered. Jongin pouted. “I know... Doesn’t change the way I feel.”

Kyungsoo’s line was quiet except for that particular banging noise in the background and a gnawing sound. Jongin guessed that he was probably biting on his thumbnail, as was his habit when he was nervous or bored and thought no one was looking at him (it happened sometimes when they were in Jongin’s apartment).

“Stop biting your nails, hyung. It’s not healthy,” Jongin said lightly.

Kyungsoo gurgled and cut himself off. “I. I wasn’t—”

“I’m sure you weren’t,” Jongin smiled. He could tell Kyungsoo was either rolling his eyes or looking around his room nervously.

“Anyway, goodbye for now. I might call you later,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo hummed softly. “We still have a lot of shows to catch up on and chores to do but,” his voice dropped down to a breathless sigh, “yeah, I could make time for a call.”

Jongin bit his lip. He wished he was there just to touch Kyungsoo’s cheek or his hand, anything to reassure himself. “Bye,” he whispered reluctantly.

Just as reluctantly, Kyungsoo said bye as well, and Jongin hung up before he got all sappy on Kyungsoo and started bawling like a baby. He probably wouldn’t appreciate a meltdown over the phone when it was so early during the day. Suppressing the heavy feeling in his heart, he started to dress up for the lunch.

-

Jongin shifted nervously in his seat, fingers itching for some his glass full of white wine on the low table before him.

It wasn’t even officially lunch yet and it was already as terrible as Jongin anticipated it to be. He had arrived at twelve fifty-five, early enough to be punctual but not too early, in case his presence imposed on Suho’s parents. He was starting to regret having arrived early though, because Jongin should’ve known it was never too early to start interrogating him (apparently).

Suho’s parents had recently renovated the place and had a conservatory built at the back of their mansion, where the back garden used to be. That didn’t necessarily mean the plants were gone, however. No, they surrounded the conservatory like a tropical forest and when they sat him down in the conservatory with some white wine, he knew they were going to start firing questions at him and the best part was that Suho was there too, sitting beside him and sending him ‘reassuring’ smiles.

They had started off very casually, congratulating him about taking over Accuretta. Then they quickly went in deep and started going on about how it was probably time for him to settle down soon with a girl from a good background. Jongin struggled not to reach over for the wine in case he came off looking nervous (and my God, did Suho and his family love it when he was nervous).

“Have you met anyone?” Suho’s mother asked kindly. She had short hair and was always dressed impeccably well; similar to Jongin’s mother. She was however, much pushier than Jongin’s mother ever was. Suho’s father on the other hand was a burly man, quite largely built for an Asian man but milder in demeanour. Lucky for Suho, he took after his mother, from his delicate looks to his slimmer build.

“Yes, have you met anyone?” Suho chirped along. Jongin sent him a scathing glance, pretending to turn in his direction and shook his head.

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Suho’s father tutted, “I met my wife when I was younger than you, though I only married her in my thirties. Don’t worry, Jongin, there’s a girl out there somewhere. A nice girl you can settle down with to have children and worry about the bills,” his father chuckled.

Jongin laughed along, but he could sense Suho gloating behind him, obviously enjoying the fact that Jongin was being fried like a piece of chicken in hot oil by his parents.

And even though he’d already had a very similar conversation with his own parents, it did not make things any easier the second time round. Suho’s mother named a few girls whom Jongin had met or heard of since they shared the same circles and kept trying to hook him up with them, but he dodged them all.

“But really, if you don’t start looking now then it’s going to be too late to have kids soon,” Suho’s mother said admonishingly.

“I’m really not in the mood these days to date... Busy with work, you see,” Jongin said, lying through his teeth, “Maybe towards the end of the year.” Suho leaned over and added, “Busy with the staff too, huh?”

Jongin turned to look at him, trying to telepathically tell him to shut his face before he’d make sure Suho wouldn’t have a face. “A good boss always thinks about his staff, y’know. Makes sure they’re all doing fine,” Suho continued, pretending not to look at Jongin.

“Sometimes handling staff can be challenging too. Like when they talk too much,” Jongin said flatly. His parents just laughed it off as ‘boys being boys’ but in reality Jongin wanted to fart on Suho and send him hurtling through space like a meteorite.

 Suho’s mother was about to start asking him about girls again when the doorbell rang and Jongin gave a sigh of relief, finally reaching over for his wine and downing all of it.

“Oh, Chanyeol and Sehun are here. That means we can all eat together now,” Suho’s father said, getting off the plush green sofa to greet them. Suho’s mother got up too, and they left the conservatory while Suho and Jongin lagged behind them, moving slowly.

“So,” Suho said, looking at Jongin. “How was your date with Jiyoung?”

Jongin got up, a little confused at first. He was about to say ‘What date?’ when he quickly realized what he was saying and replied, “It was fine. We drank a lot and I spent Sunday nursing my hangover. Why do you ask?” he replied huffily, trying to seem unfazed.

“No reason,” Suho shrugged, “Just noticed you’ve spending a lot less weekends with us and more to... yourself.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to spend time with you guys if you don’t have my back when your parents are grilling me like a kebab,” Jongin snapped, and Suho laughed at him while they shuffled idly to the living room towards the front of the mansion.

“WELL, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP,” Chanyeol’s deep voice boomed through the living room when Suho and Jongin appeared from around the corner. Jongin jumped slightly, almost dropping his empty wineglass. _Can’t drop the glass_ , Jongin thought in panic, _I can’t survive this without some form of alcohol._

“Shouldn't we be saying that to you though?” Suho laughed, brushing past Jongin. “You both are,” Suho looked up at a clock, “twenty minutes late.”

Chanyeol shrugged. He was wearing an almost normal looking outfit today, a top Jongin was sure Jeremy Scott designed and the baggiest pants Jongin had ever seen in public, paired with leather boots (which must’ve felt... lovely to wear in summer). Even Suho’s father stared at him like he was a stranger standing in their living room. 

“You said twelve-ish,” he replied coolly. He looked well, considering the fact that he was probably out partying last night. Sehun pursed his lips at Chanyeol. “Twelve-ish means after twelve thirty or one at the latest. I can’t believe you took so long to pick out an outfit...” he complained. Chanyeol swatted a hand at him. “No one told me that.”

They stood there for a while, bantering over Jongin. He kept clear of their small argument, desperate not to be noticed. Suho’s parents alone were bad enough; throw in Chanyeol and Sehun, and it was the end of his life. He was subtly tapping his wineglass at a servant lingering near them, asking for more white wine when Sehun suddenly noticed he had no one to bully and turned to face Jongin.

“You,” he said flatly.

“Me,” Jongin pointed at himself. Sehun stepped forward, coming very close to him and whispered, “The papers are here.”

Jongin listened carefully and looked at Sehun when he stepped back to gauge Jongin’s reaction. “What papers?” he asked as politely as possible, after squinting for a moment. He had no idea which set of papers Sehun was talking about. There were quite a few papers, after all, that were important...

Sehun looked like he was about to explode. “The papers. _The_ papers. The papers,” he widened his eyes (not a pretty sight), “from _your father_ ,” he hissed.

“Oh,” Jongin realized immediately. _Those_ papers. The contract that would officially put Accuretta in Jongin’s name the minute he signed them. _The_ papers that was supposed to arrive in another two weeks.

“I thought it would arrive in another two weeks,” Jongin frowned, feeling faint.

“Apparently your father sped things up for you,” Sehun shrugged. “He had a guy send them over to the office this morning and security called me up to take it since your dad insisted it either came to me or you.”

Jongin thought he was going to throw up. “Don’t worry about it, though. You only have to sign it on Monday. I’ll call Jongdae up to read through the legal matters and if there’s time you should schedule a meeting too with the other board members to let them know,” Sehun informed him. _Sign them today, sign them on Monday,_ Jongin thought glumly, _Accuretta will still be under my name._

God, this was the worst weekend he’d ever had. And it was only almost one on Saturday. Jongin sighed heavily, holding out his glass when the servant girl from before returned with a bottle of white wine. _Couldn’t Sehun have told me this on Monday instead of today?_ At least the wine was alright.

“Shall we move to the dining room now that we have everyone here?” Suho’s mother said brightly. “Sure,” Suho and Chanyeol said at the same time, on behalf of everyone else. Together they moved slowly to the dining room, sitting down around the long table. They were still talking over Jongin rather loudly, arguing over whether or not Jeremy Scott was good enough of a designer to take over Moschino. Jongin never really cared much for Moschino and so kept quiet on the matter.

Jongin sipped at his white wine carefully while waiting for the servants to serve the starters. Just when he thought that perhaps the guys had forgotten why Suho’s parents had invited them all over to their mansion in the first place, Chanyeol suddenly nudged him and said, “So what are you wearing during the press conference when you tell everyone you’re taking Accuretta?”

He gave an inward groan. “Haven’t thought about that yet,” he replied stiffly. Chanyeol snorted. “You don’t have a lot of time if you want something custom, you know. Wearing anything off the rack is gonna look _so_ bad when you get all nervous in front of the photographers....”

Jongin let Chanyeol’s chatter wash over him. This was probably going to be the longest lunch he’d ever had in a while.

*

Some song by some female idol group played over the radio, their tinny, high pitched voices filling the silence in the car and in Jongin’s mind. Normally if it was a catchy song, like the one playing now, he’d bop to it a little or maybe sing along to the lyrics if he could remember them.

Now though, he was so preoccupied with thinking of something to do for the rest of the day that he couldn’t even bring himself to bop in the back seat of his car. It felt depressing, not moving his body to the music. It made him feel lethargic and anxious all at once, and it wasn’t even about some big issue...

 _Is there really_ nothing _I can do?_ Jongin thought in disbelief. There had to be something on TV that he could watch or some movie he had yet to see. Jongin frowned and stared out of the window blankly. There was every activity he could think of, but all of them sounded pretty...  mundane and boring. Plus, after an entire fucking afternoon of dodging questions about his love life and career he felt dead tired, even if he didn’t do anything vigorous in particular. Heck, he’d spent longer hours at the gym sweating and he’d never felt feeling drained like this.

Add that to the fact that nothing seemed to hold the same kind of excitement anymore, at least not if it didn’t involve Kyungsoo somehow.

Jongin caught himself just as that thought passed through his head and kicked his legs up in the air in frustration as if he could kick his thoughts away. Mr. Lee caught the movement in the rear view mirror and said rather cautiously, “Everything alright, sir?” 

“Yes,” Jongin replied begrudgingly, curling up into a ball on the seat. Everything was alright, everything was in place, he had all the time in the world this weekend but he didn’t get why he felt like he was on the losing side of something. Speaking of which, Jongin turned his attention to Mr. Lee instead.

“Um, Mr. Lee? Could you, by any chance, refrain from sharing my schedule with others from now on? I know they can be very persuasive but sometimes I do prefer my own time,” Jongin said, knowing that he sounded very tart and on the verge of bitchy, but he had to get it out there or else Suho would be knocking on his front door every other weekend, ‘checking up on him’ with a big smile plastered on his face.

Mr. Lee looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, but your father gave very specific orders to monitor your travelling habits and report to Suho if there are any irregularities—”

“I actually have someone over every weekend,” Jongin interrupted him, “And I’d prefer it if you didn’t mention it to any of them. But he’s not here this week obviously, so he’ll probably come over next week,” he pursed his lips.

Mr. Lee only nodded tersely in reply, and it was quiet again for the rest of the drive though he could tell Mr. Lee probably had a dozen questions for him. Jongin continued to fidget around in his seat as Mr. Lee drove through the streets of Seoul, idly wondering what to do later when he got home.

A few minutes later, Mr. Lee finally stopped the car at the front entrance of Jongin’s apartment.  Jongin was about to get out of the car, feeling glum that there was truly nothing to distract him now that he was almost home till he looked up and spotted a familiar silhouette lurking in the lobby.

“ _Kyungsoo_?” Jongin said loudly, almost tripping over the steps.

Even through the heavy glass doors, Kyungsoo heard him and spun around to stare at him with his mouth slightly agape. “Um,” Jongin fumbled to get out quickly, shutting the car door.

Mr. Lee rolled down one of the windows to smile and say, “Your visitor, sir?”

 _Ooh, the nerve_ , Jongin thought.

Jongin gave him his best ‘keep-this-to-yourself’ look, subtly waving at him to drive off. Mr. Lee had the nerve to chuckle at his reaction before he drove off, leaving Jongin to saunter as casually as possibly up the steps and into the lobby. He hoped he didn’t look like a fool; it was a genuinely pleasant surprise to see Kyungsoo there. 

There was no one at the reception desk so Jongin relaxed just a little, going up to Kyungsoo. “Hey,” Jongin called, “What are you doing here?” he asked.

Kyungsoo put down an interior design magazine he apparently had been reading on the velvet couch beside him and chewed his lip nervously. “I uh, wanted to surprise you. I-is it a bad time?” he said, “’Cause I was thinking about leaving anyway—”

“How long have you been here?” Jongin said, taking in the sight of Kyungsoo standing in his apartment’s lobby. He was dressed casually, long sleeved everything as usual with black sneakers to complete his plain look. Jongin couldn’t quite believe that Kyungsoo was here when only minutes ago he was moaning internally about having nothing to do.

 _Maybe the universe is in a giving mood today_ , he thought. Despite the bad lighting in the place though, Kyungsoo was still the best thing he’d seen all day.

“Maybe... two hours?” Kyungsoo shrugged.

“Two _hours_? You’ve been sitting here for the last two hours and you didn’t think to call?” Jongin widened his eyes. If he’d known, he would’ve left the party without hesitation to come and invite Kyungsoo up to his place. Certainly would’ve put his time to better use.

Kyungsoo smiled shyly at him. “Would’ve ruined the surprise.”

There were a million questions on the tip of Jongin’s tongue, all of them scrambling forward eagerly to be answered but Jongin just held his hand out to Kyungsoo and said, “Come on up, then. You can tell me everything when we’re upstairs.”

Kyungsoo looked at his hand hesitantly, glancing around to make sure no one was looking before he grabbed it and laced their fingers together, following him to the elevator.

“How was the party you said you had to go to?” Kyungsoo asked when they were inside the safety of Jongin’s apartment. He took off his shoes slowly, toeing Jongin’s shoes aside to a corner before placing his own next to them. Jongin shrugged.

“It was as bad as I thought it’d be. Questions about my life, my future life choices, my family... It was worse than a press conference,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo chuckled, putting his bag down on one of the kitchen stools.

“What about you though, hyung? Why...?” Jongin trailed off, eyeing him from head to toe.

“Luhan got a call before I came over, from his ex. She said she wanted to meet up and talk, so of course he went rushing through the door and left me alone in the house for the entire morning before he texted and said he probably wouldn’t be able to make it home till it was really late.” Jongin whistled at that.

“I thought he was over her though,” Jongin remarked.

Kyungsoo laughed, “Luhan is never over a girl till she gets married or gets another boyfriend. Till then he’ll always be pining for her like some lovesick puppy,” Kyungsoo scoffed. _Well_ , Jongin thought, _never took Luhan for that sort of guy._   

“So you came over, planning to surprise me and...?” Jongin asked, taking a seat by the kitchen counter. Kyungsoo followed his example, plopping into the stool beside him.

“ _And_ you weren’t in. I’d forgotten that you had a party to attend, so I told the girl at the reception desk that I’d wait around to see if you’ll come back and she was nice enough to serve me some water while I waited for you. Then she left when it was time for her to clock out,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “I was only alone for like an hour. I thought if you didn’t come soon then I’d better head home and start on dinner in case Luhan came back hungry.” 

“Hyung, you know you didn’t have to surprise me. I would’ve left the party right away if I’d known you’d be here, waiting for me like some lovesick puppy,” Jongin teased and Kyungsoo flushed bright pink, looking away.

“Well, it _is_ the weekend,” Kyungsoo said, “And I... I don’t know. I just wanted to see you in person, that’s all.”His voice dropped low towards the end and Jongin reached over to play with his fingers, comparing the difference in the length of their fingers. “In other words, you took a leap without looking first?”

Kyungsoo huffed a laugh. “I never understood what I was supposed to look at anyway.” Jongin bit down on a smile.

“I can’t believe you’re here on impulse, hyung. I’m touched, you know,” Jongin feigned tears, wiping his imaginary happy tears away with his fingers. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes playfully, laughing at him.

“I’m human too, alright? Besides, I knew you’d be eating out for lunch but I thought it’d be nice for you to have a little snack so I came prepared,” he said, turning to grab his bag and unzip it, removing a container and placing it on the table. There were four sandwiches inside the container, cut into neat triangles and piled on top of one another.

“Ooh, nice. What’s inside?” Jongin said, immediately opening up the container and picking up a sandwich. Before he could pry the two slices of bread apart to see what Kyungsoo had put between them, Kyungsoo knocked it out of his hand and frowned at him.

“Wash your hands, Jongin. You’re not five anymore,” Kyungsoo said.

“You’re right, I’m not five. I’m Jongin,” he replied, just to be contrary and earned a snort from him as he got up to wash his hands under the tap at the kitchen sink. _Such a mom_ , Jongin thought.

“Remember to use soap,” Kyungsoo called, and Jongin nodded obediently, washing his hands till they smelled like lavender before he dried them off and finally picked up his sandwich cautiously again, peeking between the slices of bread to see what Kyungsoo had prepared for him.

“What is this, melted butter or something?” Jongin asked, squinting at the golden inner layer of the slices of bread.

“No. It’s organic wildflower honey, really good for your health and all that. Luhan bought it for sale at some farmers’ market and it tastes nice with bread though I didn’t have toast it because—” Jongin bit into the bread without any preamble, chewing on it thoughtfully.

He felt as mature as a five-year-old right now, eating sandwiches in the kitchen and testing the sandwich out, ready to spit it out at a moment’s notice. “Huh... not as sweet as I thought it’d be,” Jongin commented.

“Right? Tastes really floral too,” Kyungsoo said, placing his head on the counter and watching Jongin eat.

“Mm. Yes, very floral and yummy and all that jazz. Are you going to leave this for me?” Jongin said, gesturing to the rest of the sandwiches.

“I made them for you,” Kyungsoo shrugged, “you can have ‘em all.”

“Good. Thanks, hyung, you’re a gem,” he said blandly through his mouthful of bread. Kyungsoo beamed at him, and they were quiet for a while as Jongin ate his sandwich before Kyungsoo spoke up. “Didn't you eat at the party, Jongin?” he asked.

“I did. I always have space for your food though,” Jongin cocked an eyebrow at him, and Kyungsoo blushed but ignored that particular comment.

“So besides the usual questions, did you enjoy yourself at the party? It’s a party thrown in your name after all. I bet they had all your favourite dishes,” Kyungsoo said teasingly. Jongin lifted and dropped one shoulder nonchalantly. “They served Indian food, which was alright I guess. Maybe I would’ve enjoyed myself a little more if Sehun hadn’t whispered into my ear,” Jongin made a face.

“Whispered in your ear? About what?” Kyungsoo laughed. Jongin told him then, that the papers had arrived and it wouldn’t be long till he had to go public with his new status in the company. Kyungsoo’s expression dimmed ever so slightly, like the flickering of a light bulb.

 _Yeah, I know the feeling_ , Jongin thought. It would mean that they’d have to go undercover now, incognito for as long as this thing would go on.

Just thinking about how careful they’d have to be made Jongin lose his appetite; not because he didn’t want to be careful, but because it was stupid that he had to be careful. He didn’t know why his sexuality should matter so much to investors and the public. Jongin could sleep with any girl he wanted but throw in a guy, and there’d be a big hoo-hah for sure.

“Wouldn’t that mean you have to head over to China again soon as well? For the launch?” Kyungsoo said when he was done talking. Jongin nodded.

“There’ll be a meeting about it for sure, though I think they’ll want me to make the announcement on the same day since my dad’s going to be there, as well as international press...” He didn’t have to go on to know that Kyungsoo got it.

“Are you nervous about it?” Kyungsoo asked.

“More than you know. But at least there’s time to prepare for everything,” Jongin shrugged, shifting in his seat and tilting his head to one side thoughtfully, shoving the last bite of the sandwich into his mouth.

“You know I’ll be here if you get... jitters, or anything. Or if you need a home cooked meal, then you know who to call,” Kyungsoo mumbled, a clumsy attempt at showing his affection and support. Jongin grinned widely at him.

“I know, hyung.” Kyungsoo held out his hand to him and Jongin caught it, tangling their fingers messily together and swinging them under the counter. Jongin saw his lips curl into a smile. He couldn’t help returning it with one of his own, gaze skittering to their interlinked hands.


	16. you may be sinner, but your innocence is mine

“Where to, sir?” Mr. Lee asked crisply from the driver’s seat, watching Jongin clamber clumsily into the car with the long, rectangle box in tow from the rear view mirror.

“Um, the small place in Apgujeong,” Jongin said, reaching for the car door and slamming it shut. The sweet smell of roses filled the back seat slowly but steadily as the car jolted and started to move slowly, joining the rest of the cars on the street.

It was a Saturday afternoon in the first few days of fall, and Jongin was on his way to meet Kyungsoo outside his apartment.

Kyungsoo had found a small barbeque restaurant in Apgujeong a few weeks back while he was on a trip with Luhan, roaming every cramped corner of Seoul. Kyungsoo thought it was probably the safest place where they could eat out in peace without anyone recognizing them and also because it was cheap.

Jongin was content with the place since it meant being able to treat Kyungsoo to dinner outside before they’d return to his place even if it made his hair smell like burnt charcoal after that.

“Are those... flowers, sir?” Mr. Lee asked hesitantly. 

“Yup. Packs a punch, doesn’t it?” Jongin laughed. Mr. Lee made a quick stop for Jongin by the curb, and Jongin had picked out the largest bouquet the florist had in the shop. Two dozen roses held together with a white ribbon laid in the box, waiting to be received by Kyungsoo.

“It does,” Mr. Lee replied, chuckling. Jongin smiled quietly in reply.

Jongin wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Lee had already guessed by now that he was seeing Kyungsoo on weekly basis and sometimes on days like these where Jongin would tell Mr. Lee to drop him at the corner of a street and walk to the barbeque place while Mr. Lee was free to look for his own meal. Jongin never mentioned who he was meeting, but anyone with common sense could probably take a good guess.

The smell of roses was probably pushing his luck though; if Mr. Lee had no idea who he met up with, he probably had a clue now. Nobody brought a bunch of roses on an impromptu weekend meeting for a friend or business partner. The scent of roses might as well have been named ‘I’m-on-a-romantic-date-and-I-hope-I-get-laid-soon.’

Hopefully, the smell of roses would knock Kyungsoo right off his feet and into Jongin’s arms. Frankly, he was craving for a touch of Kyungsoo in his life even though he had just seen him two days ago. He also had a bit of good news to share with him and hoped the roses would soften him up nicely.

Jongin had told the board members approximately a month ago that he was going to take over the company. The overall reaction was wide grins and murmured congratulatory wishes. It was awkward as everyone already guessed that Jongin would take over the company (just not this year) and he prayed that he’d never have to be in that kind of situation again. It was like fishing for compliments that he didn’t want in the first place.

That wasn’t the best part though. Ever since the factory was finally done and all the machines needed were already in place and ready for production, there was still the opening ceremony left to deal with, along with announcing to the world formally that he was now the CEO of Accuretta Systems. And since he was CEO, he was allowed to bring _whoever_ he pleased to accompany him to the opening ceremony.

It was a fucking brilliant idea to bring Kyungsoo, in all honesty. First of all, it’d be the first time since London that they’d be in a country where people couldn’t recognize them as easily, and it’d be a meaningful trip simply because Jongin wanted Kyungsoo to experience _his_ life.

On top of that, he could take pictures of Guangzhou and all with his fancy camera, so really, there were no downsides to this trip.

 _Not a single one_ , Jongin thought.

The drive didn’t take very long, not with Jongin preoccupied with his thoughts. Mr. Lee dropped Jongin at the usual corner as he always did when Jongin was in the area. “I’ll see you in an hour or so,” Jongin said to Mr. Lee.

Jongin got down after unwrapping the roses from the box, looking around to make sure Kyungsoo wouldn’t accidentally run into him and ruin his surprise. Mr. Lee nodded and Jongin shut the door, making his way across the street.

Dried leaves crunched as people walked past him. It always set him at ease whenever he walked down the sidewalk like any other pedestrian here. Nobody ever seemed to recognize him or if they did, they made no indication to follow him or subtly snap a photo of him. He suspected people only did so after having mistaken him for an actor or singer from the way he dressed, though he was in no way associated with showbiz. 

 _Just another person out here_ , Jongin thought, a trace of a smile tugging the corners of his lips. It certainly felt nice to be a normal person.

He ran a hand over his new, navy blue military style coat. It was knee length and he knew Kyungsoo would appreciate it on him, which was why he bought it and decided to wear it today. Jongin quite liked dressing up before coming out to see Kyungsoo; plus, the coat was a little woolly and actually kept him warm against the cold wind of autumn. A combination of style and utility never did anyone harm.

Jongin wondered what Kyungsoo would wear. Autumn only really started to come onto Seoul a few days ago, and Jongin had never seen Kyungsoo in winter wear. He suspected Kyungsoo would look cute wrapped in an oversized parka or knitted sweater.

 _I can’t wait to take it all off when we get back anyway_ , Jongin thought.

Jongin peeked into the restaurant when he found the place, trying to see if he was early or if Kyungsoo had already arrived before him. It was tiny, with less than ten tables squeezed into the restaurant. The place was rarely filled with people and lucky for him today was no different; there was only a family of three grilling beef in the place so Jongin stepped right in, asking for a table for two.

The usual waitress, a lady in her forties, led him to a table and served him roasted tea in a porcelain cup, placing a menu beside him. She eyed the bunch of roses briefly before she went off to serve the other family. Jongin felt thoroughly judged but brushed it off since he was a paying customer and had every right to dine with anyone he wanted to (there was nothing wrong in giving Kyungsoo a bunch of roses; of all people, he probably deserved it the most).

 Setting the roses on the seat beside him and pushing it under the table to conceal it till Kyungsoo came, he then settled in his own seat to look through the menu. The Korean beef here was pretty good but Jongin was craving for some pork this evening.

There was a bewildering variety of dishes in the menu with pork as the main ingredient, and after a few minutes he couldn’t seem to choose between four dishes. Of course, if Kyungsoo was around, he’d know right away what Jongin _actually_ wanted and order it for him. He always seemed to be able to tell the difference between dishes and pick out the best one.

 _Kyungsoo’s better than a mom in so many ways_ , Jongin thought with a small smile. Too bad they had to go through lunch before they could go back to Jongin’s apartment, otherwise maybe Jongin could skip right to dessert...

Jongin’s tea had hardly cooled down before Kyungsoo soon walked in, eyes cast to the ground as he entered the restaurant. He was wearing an outdated and shabby-looking jacket and had his usual bag at his hip, looking somewhat ill fitted in his own clothes. Not for the first time, Jongin wished he could do more for Kyungsoo, like get him new clothes and other things in his closet but knew Kyungsoo would bite his head off if he even suggested it. With an inward sigh, he waved Kyungsoo over to the table, standing up to greet him.

Kyungsoo stiffened when he noticed Jongin was waiting for him to come over and blinked at him. “Why are you standing there like that?” he asked suspiciously.

“Hi, hyung, lovely to see you too. And no particular reason, just wanted to give you this,” Jongin smiled at him bashfully, leaning over his seat to grab and reveal the roses.

Kyungsoo stared at the roses before he gave a laugh of disbelief, mouth forming the shape of a perfect heart as he stepped forward and took the roses from Jongin’s hand. “W-what are these for?” he asked, voice full of surprise. He stuck his nose into the roses for a sniff.

“Nothing, really. Do you like them?” Jongin beamed.

Kyungsoo looked at him pointedly. “Of course I do, they smell really nice. Now I feel bad though, I didn’t bring anything for you in return...”

Jongin tutted at him, gesturing for him to sit down. “None of that from you, hyung. Just thank me and we’ll be done with it,” he said. It’d be weird if Kyungsoo _did_ have something for Jongin in return; it wasn’t Christmas, for God’s sake. Kyungsoo blushed, putting the roses down on the table. “Thank you, Jongin. It was a thoughtful gesture,” he murmured.

Then Kyungsoo glanced around the restaurant suddenly, as if he was afraid a thousand eyes were on him. They weren’t talking all that loudly and no one was paying attention to them but the seven year old boy sitting with his parents, sucking on a straw with his curious eyes wide open. Jongin suspected the boy was wondering why he was handing a bunch of roses to Kyungsoo when it was clear that they both guys; regardless, he studiously ignored him.

 Kyungsoo relaxed visibly when he realized it was just the little boy, but still picked the roses up again to put them on the seat beside him.

Jongin pretended it didn’t bother him, though in truth it kind of did. He would’ve said something, but he’d missed Kyungsoo the past few days and so pushed his thoughts aside quickly, forcing a smile. “What should we have today?” he asked gently, pushing the menu to Kyungsoo.

“I’m up for anything, really. What do _you_ want to eat?” Kyungsoo said, jutting his lower lip out as he skimmed through the menu, flipping the glossy, laminated pages. Jongin resisted the urge to reach over and run a finger over Kyungsoo’s lower lip and kiss it, gripping the table’s edge with his hands.

“Um, what do you think about bossam? We’ve never tried that here,” Jongin said, looking away from Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“Hmm. Bossam sounds great, actually. Maybe we could have rice to go with it too, ‘cause I’m pretty hungry,” Kyungsoo said absently, rubbing his hands together as he read through the menu carefully. Jongin noticed the tips of his fingers were pink and immediately thought of getting Kyungsoo a pair of gloves.

 _Maybe he wouldn’t be too angry if I got him a nice and inexpensive pair of gloves_ , he thought, nodding at something Kyungsoo said without listening. Just a simple pair would do, so that he’d know Kyungsoo’s hands were nice and warm. _Dark red ones would be nice, or maybe black ones,_ Jongin thought, imagining them on his hands. _I’ll get him a pair before winter hits_.

“Should we get soup since the weather’s getting cold? They have gamja-tang here,” Kyungsoo said, bringing Jongin’s attention back to what he was saying.

“Sure, why not?” Jongin drawled, shrugging his shoulders. The food was only secondary to Kyungsoo; he loved eating and eating _with_ Kyungsoo. What better way to see him outside the apartment anyway? Jongin bit his lip and sent Kyungsoo a flirtatious smile when he looked up.

Kyungsoo caught his outrageous attempt at flirting and lifted an eyebrow at him, smiling reluctantly.

“What’s wrong with you today? Is there something you want to tell me? Or is it another surprise?” he asked, dropping his gaze to look through the menu once more.

“Sadly, I don’t have another surprise up my sleeve. It’s nothing, hyung, I just... I like seeing you today. I wish we’re done eating already so I can have you all to myself,” Jongin lied, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezed his eyes shut, pretending it was Kyungsoo hugging him instead.

Kyungsoo laughed softly, turning his head away in a mixture of disbelief and amusement. “Stop, Jongin, you look like you’re ten,” Kyungsoo snorted.

“I couldn’t help but convey how I feel in action,” Jongin replied, relaxing his arms and placing them over the table, fingers reaching for Kyungsoo’s hands. He gave Jongin a dry look, probably wondering why he was in an unusually good mood but laced their fingers momentarily, the warmth of his hands sending tingles down Jongin’s spine.

After two seconds or so, Kyungsoo took his hands away abruptly, though Jongin caught the fleeting look of disappointment in his eyes. It was enough for Jongin, and he leaned back in his seat as well, keeping his arms to his side of the table.

“Um, so shall I order now?” Kyungsoo asked, blinking at Jongin.

Jongin nodded. Kyungsoo waved the waitress over, ordering bossam, gamja-tang and two servings of rice. The waitress had seen them here a few times already and could recognize them, but from the way she kept looking from Kyungsoo to Jongin made him think that maybe she never thought they were more than two friends sharing a meal together.

When she went away, an awkward silence fell between the both of them.

For Jongin, there were just no words to describe how much he wanted Kyungsoo at that moment. He wanted to hug him to his chest and warm Kyungsoo’s cold fingers, nibble on his earlobe and kiss his mouth till Kyungsoo had no more breath left in his lungs. Kyungsoo was staring at him wordlessly with a blank expression on his face, probably preoccupied with thoughts of his own.

It didn’t help Jongin’s case at all. The hours they spent together during weekends never seemed to be enough, the times when he thought he’d had every inch of Kyungsoo’s skin committed to memory and that he’d be able to survive five days without him by his side.

Kyungsoo’s sudden, sharp intake of breath made Jongin wonder if Kyungsoo knew what he was thinking. He blinked a few times at Kyungsoo slowly, and watched his gaze drop to the table.

“Y’know, my landlord’s been giving me and Luhan a hard time about rent,” Kyungsoo murmured. Jongin was a tad bit disappointed; he was fairly sure Kyungsoo was going to call him out for staring so intently at him.

“How hard of a hard time?” Jongin asked, going with the flow of the conversation.

Kyungsoo shrugged, keeping his eyes averted from Jongin’s gaze. “He raised the rent two months ago so that was already bad enough. We were barely able to cover it last month, but then he came by out of the blue yesterday and saw that we had made some changes to his place. Now he’s demanding even more money out of us to fix up the ‘damage’ we’d done. And it’s either pay up or get kicked out, so frankly, I’m starting to get worried about it,” Kyungsoo said.

“Have you tried looking for a place somewhere else?” Jongin asked, sipping on his tea. Kyungsoo shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

“We’re trying, but rented houses or even apartments are expensive. It’s harder now too, because Luhan’s not earning as much as he used to and we have less money between us now.”

Jongin cocked his head to one side. “Do you... need some financial help?” he asked, “Because you know I’d be more than willing.”

Kyungsoo finally looked up to glare at him. “ _No_. I know you’re willing, it’s nice of you to offer but I don’t want that from you. It’s _my_ rent and _I_ will pay for it,” Kyungsoo said determinedly.

Jongin gave him a crooked smile. “Well, if you don’t want money then my couch is always welcome for you to crash... Or my bed,” Jongin said suggestively, lifting one of his legs up under the table and running it against Kyungsoo’s calve.

Kyungsoo jerked in his seat at that and kicked at Jongin’s foot, scowling and blushing at the same time.

“I don’t want to crash with you. I would _never_ do that,” Kyungsoo grumbled, tucking his legs under his seat. Jongin cupped his chin and leaned forward on the table, lifting his eyebrows at Kyungsoo.

“Really? Why not? It’s not like you hate the things we do,” Jongin said softly, biting his lip.

“No, but it’d be weird to go home with you, leave the apartment with you or even stay in the apartment alone if you’re working late into the night,” Kyungsoo reasoned. Jongin couldn’t quite see why it was weird but knowing Kyungsoo and how meticulous he was about his surroundings, maybe he thought Jongin’s apartment was a trash dump.

Before Jongin could reply, the waitress returned with bossam in a tray, placing the dish between them. They both stared at it blankly for a moment before Kyungsoo moved first, taking two pairs of chopsticks from the chopstick holder, passing a pair silently to Jongin. He took it, picking up a slice of boiled pork belly and lifting it to Kyungsoo’s mouth.

Kyungsoo squinted at it and then at Jongin.

“Say ‘ah’, hyung,” Jongin cajoled innocently, pressing the slice of pork belly to Kyungsoo’s lips. He was forced to open his mouth and bit down reluctantly, chewing on it. Jongin looked at him expectantly with a radiant smile on his face. 

“It’s nice,” Kyungsoo muttered, blushing once more.

“I thought so,” Jongin beamed at him.

When they were almost done with their meal, Jongin placed his chopsticks down and cleared his throat, sipping on some tea to wash away the taste of kimchi and pork in his mouth. He didn’t want to have bad breath while delivering the good news he’d been eagerly waiting to tell Kyungsoo since yesterday.

“So hyung,” Jongin said very casually. Kyungsoo hummed at him in reply, placing some kimchi into Jongin’s bowl of unfinished rice.

“I actually _do_ have something to tell you. It’s good news, not to worry, and I’m hoping that you’ll um... keep an open mind about it,” Jongin said, gauging Kyungsoo’s reaction carefully. It was probably the food distracting Kyungsoo, because all he did was grunt at Jongin.

“Remember the factory in Guangzhou? The one that’s recently finished and all that’s left is the opening?” Jongin asked.

“You mean the one in China?” Kyungsoo replied.

“Yes, that would be the one,” Jongin rolled his eyes inwardly. He didn’t know why he started things off like that. There was only the one factory in China. _Dumb move_ , Jongin told himself.

Jongin puffed his cheeks out for a moment before he continued, “As I’ve told you before, I’ll have to head to China and I might be there for three days or maybe even more than that. I would like to point out that three days without you sounds like a drought—”

“You’ve been on trips without me before, don’t be ridiculous,” Kyungsoo interrupted him lightly.

“I was trying to be melancholic,” Jongin tutted at him, “Nevertheless, I have to go on that trip to China this coming Wednesday. And the good news I’d like to share with you is that... I bought you a first class ticket to Guangzhou and you’re coming with me,” Jongin said, letting all the words rush out of his mouth like he’d been holding it in for too long.

Kyungsoo stopped chewing, chopsticks midair. He looked somewhere between uncertainty and ticked off; Jongin sincerely hoped he was uncertain instead of angry at him. At least it’d be easier to convince him that coming on the trip wouldn’t be a complete disaster and would be the most fun they’d ever have together.

“You bought what?” Kyungsoo said politely.

“A ticket. For you. To come on the China trip with me,” Jongin reiterated his words. He stopped short from saying he’d cover all the expenses needed for the trip; Kyungsoo would probably tip the table over, gamja-tang and all, if he said that.

Kyungsoo took a very deep breath and exhaled it slowly as if he was about to start a long session of yoga. He knew Kyungsoo only did that if he was very, very irritated with Jongin or very, very turned on by him. At this point, it was safe to say that Kyungsoo wasn’t feeling horny from this surprise of his.

Kyungsoo continued chewing on his food, swallowing it before he spoke. “ _Jongin_ ,” Kyungsoo said stiffly.

“Yes, hyung?” Jongin replied, smiling at him.

“No.”

All the air went out of Jongin like a deflated balloon. “No?” he repeated in a whiny voice.

Kyungsoo scooped a spoonful of rice into his mouth, shaking his head. “No,” he said again, voice muffled by the rice. It was almost alarming to hear the anger in his voice, as if Jongin was an idiot for even considering this.

“No?” Jongin leaned forward, stomping his feet lightly under the table.

“NO.”

“Why ‘no’, hyung? Why? Why of all things to say in this world, ‘no’? Say yes, you’ll come with me and that you’ll have sex with me later in celebration of our first trip out together—”

“ _No_ because I can’t even pay my rent and you expect me to come on this trip with you. And don’t even think about trying to cover the expenses for me, I’ll hit you with this spoon,” Kyungsoo held up his chopsticks warningly when Jongin opened his mouth.

Jongin grimaced at him. “C’mon, hyung, please say yes. I already arranged everything perfectly, we’ll get there a few hours earlier than everyone so no one we know will see us and you can stay in the hotel room or wander around while I deal with the ceremony and Yifan. Then I can come back to the hotel, eat out with you, go shopping with you—”

“You know what I hear? The sound of dollar bills fluttering out of my bank account,” Kyungsoo deadpanned. “Finish your rice before it gets cold, Jongin,” he muttered.

Jongin folded his arms across his chest, his appetite lost. Why was Kyungsoo being so unreasonable? They’d been together since the beginning of summer and comparing their time together with Jongin’s previous relationships, they were practically married (although of course, Jongin knew that would never happen, because obviously Kyungsoo would be stupid and say no to an engagement ring). It made complete sense to bring Kyungsoo along on this trip; why the fuck couldn’t he see that?

“Hyung, I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn but I’m not going to let that second ticket go to waste, y’know,” Jongin said sulkily.

“Good,” Kyungsoo replied, hands shaking slightly, “Give it to Sehun, or someone else who actually deserves to come on the trip to do something.” 

Jongin made a noise of annoyance in his throat. “ _You_ deserve it, hyung. I say that you do. Don’t you want time off from your schedule, clean sheets that you didn’t have to clean yourself, a sparkling bathtub that smells like disinfectant...?”

“I do. But everyone wants something,” Kyungsoo shrugged, sipping on the gamja-tang soup. It had warmed Kyungsoo up from inside and his lips were now a brighter red than usual.

For some unfathomable reason, even as they were arguing like this, Jongin still wanted to kiss him. Only Kyungsoo would make things difficult for him, and Jongin couldn’t say he didn’t love it.

Well, if Kyungsoo wanted to be stubborn, Jongin could be too. He certainly had an idea of how to convince Kyungsoo to go to China with him. _And it’s totally foolproof_ , Jongin bit his lip, gaze lingering over Kyungsoo’s lips.

After a few seconds, Jongin suddenly picked up his chopsticks and spoon, continuing to eat as if nothing had happened. Kyungsoo sent a curious glance in his direction as he ate, scraping the last bits of rice in his bowl onto his spoon.

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to come along,” Jongin said, answering the unspoken question between them.

Kyungsoo didn’t react, just ate the last mouthful of rice and chewed it slowly, swallowing it before he mumbled, “Oh, really?”

Jongin nodded, stabbing at a piece of pork and smothering it in red pepper sauce.

“You wanna know why?” Jongin asked sweetly. He took the lack of response from Kyungsoo as a yes.

“Because at the end of the day, hyung, I’ll make sure that you’ll be the one screaming for me to take you to China,” Jongin replied nonchalantly, a smile playing on his lips. He put the slice of pork into his mouth, cocking his head innocently at Kyungsoo.

If Jongin didn’t know Kyungsoo the way he did now, he would’ve probably thought he looked constipated. However, the quiet eagerness in his eyes said otherwise. The hitch in his breathing reminded Jongin of all they’ve done together in his apartment, the sinfulness of it all and the rush it sent through their veins.

This time, Kyungsoo didn’t jerk away his leg when Jongin slid his foot against his calve.

-

Jongin ran his hand over the back of Kyungsoo’s neck, tugging gently on the little hairs there. Kyungsoo purred appreciatively into Jongin’s mouth, squirming in his lap as he tried to press himself up against Jongin’s chest.

Jongin chuckled, feeling Kyungsoo’s fingers pressing into his shoulders. He tightened his grip around Kyungsoo’s waist, feeling his cock brush up against Kyungsoo’s half hard erection. “Aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves here?” he murmured, momentarily interrupted by a kiss from Kyungsoo over his bottom lip.

“No, we’re not,” Kyungsoo shook his head, grazing his teeth over Jongin’s bottom lip. “This is what I came for, after all,” he murmured.

“Leave it to Kyungsoo hyung to say it like it is, hm?” Jongin replied, pressing Kyungsoo’s head to his. He kissed Kyungsoo soundly, felt his heartbeat thudding out of his chest when they broke away briefly to deepen the kiss. Jongin could taste roasted tea and desire on Kyungsoo’s tongue and wondered if it would always be like this between them. He never thought he’d want someone over and over again, even if each time felt like enough to him.

Jongin’s seemingly insatiable desire for Kyungsoo was all he could think of when he had Kyungsoo in his arms.

“No, wait, wait,” Jongin said, pushing him away by a few inches, far enough that Kyungsoo couldn’t lean forward to kiss him. Kyungsoo moaned piteously, jutting his bottom lip out in wordless protest. Jongin tried to ignore the tug of regret on his heartstrings and stood his ground.

“You said you didn’t want to come with me to China, so we can’t have sex because there’s no reason to celebrate anything,” Jongin said, trying to push Kyungsoo out of his lap. Kyungsoo held onto Jongin’s arms tightly, grunting in annoyance.

“Quit playing games, Jongin—”

“I’m not, hyung,” Jongin said, keeping his voice steady and maintaining his gaze.

Kyungsoo immediately caught the serious tone in his voice and raised an eyebrow at him, slightly amused and probably a little irritated at him.

“You can’t make me go some place that I don’t want to go, you know,” Kyungsoo said, lips swollen from Jongin’s kisses. Jongin’s expression told him that he wasn’t afraid to test that theory out. Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, releasing his hold on Jongin’s arms.

“I’m only asking you to come just so you have a chance to enjoy yourself with me and explore a place where you’ve never been before. Is that really such a big deal?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo glared at him. “You _know_ why I don’t want to come. It’s nothing personal,” he said, sighing heavily. Jongin released him as well, sliding Kyungsoo off his lap.

“I’ll have you know that I took it personally, Kyungsoo, regardless of what you meant. _Very_ personally,” Jongin whispered, coming close to his face for a breathless moment. Jongin stood up.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks were pink but he refrained from saying anything as Jongin walked away from him.

Jongin had said Kyungsoo’s name on purpose, and now that they were alone in his apartment instead of a public place, Jongin knew that Kyungsoo understood. He was going to have to beg for what he wanted. “Wait for me there,” Jongin called without turning around.

He entered the spare room briefly to grab a bottle of lube and shoved it into his pocket, shutting the door after himself as he went into his bedroom next to grab a few more items. 

When Mr. Lee was driving them back to Jongin’s apartment, he had considered not forcing Kyungsoo to come along with him to China. At the same time, he couldn’t think of a reason not to, other than the fact that Kyungsoo was being ridiculously contradictory as usual. He had decided then, that if Kyungsoo gave in fairly quickly he’d bring him along. If Kyungsoo resisted and broke down only after he couldn’t take it anymore then Jongin would give him the option to stay in Seoul. (Of course, only after everything had settled down otherwise where was the fun in it?)

He took out a thick king-sized comforter from his closet. It was the lightest shade of pink; a hand-me-down from one of his sisters. He usually only ever took it out during autumn and winter, and since it was the appropriate season to use it and was smooth as fuck, Jongin decided it would serve him nicely enough. Then he picked out a random tie, before he headed out to the living room with his items.

Kyungsoo was still seated patiently at the sofa like a good boy, and his eyes widened ever so slightly at the things in Jongin’s hands.

He offered no explanation, just brushed past Kyungsoo to drop the comforter on the ground, a little ways from the sofa and kicked it open with his feet. He positioned it directly before the balcony and plopped down on it, tilting his head to Kyungsoo’s direction.

“I think it’s a little warm in here, Kyungsoo. Would you mind opening the balcony doors for me?” he drawled.

The heater was on and the temperature in the apartment was just perfect but Jongin guessed that their temperature would probably be spiking up soon. Kyungsoo obeyed at once, getting up to amble over to the balcony. He unlocked the doors and slid them open with both hands, the glass rattling in their frames.

With the balcony doors wide open, the wind blew right into the apartment. Jongin could see the neighbouring apartment building outside; if he squinted, he could see little people going about their daily activities. And if he could see them, there was no reason why they couldn’t see him as well.

That thought made him smile wide as Kyungsoo turned around, awaiting his next command. “Now come here, Kyungsoo. Stand in front of me,” Jongin ordered, softening the harsh tone in his voice just a little.

Kyungsoo came forth, footsteps muffled by the comforter. He stood about two feet away from where Jongin sat, expression betraying nothing. Jongin twirled the ties around in his hand lazily, looking up at Kyungsoo.

“Undress,” he ordered.

Now _that_ caught Kyungsoo’s attention. He chewed on his lip nervously, clenching his hands into fists by his sides. “Feeling rebellious?” Jongin said lazily, lifting an eyebrow at him.

Kyungsoo shook his head slowly. “No, not at all,” he said, voice low. He looked over his shoulder at the open balcony just once, before his hands began to unbutton his cotton cardigan.

It dropped to the floor unceremoniously, followed by his faded grey t-shirt. Exposed to the cold, goosebumps began to form over his skin. Jongin noted with glee that his nipples tightened to hard peaks within seconds; Kyungsoo caught his line of gaze and flushed, looking away.

“Come on, we haven’t got all day,” Jongin said when Kyungsoo hesitated at the buckle of his belt. The glint of warning in Kyungsoo’s eyes made him smirk, and he leaned back on his arms to get a full view of Kyungsoo from head to toe. If Jongin said that to him at any other time, Kyungsoo probably would’ve flicked him on the forehead. But it was the weekend, and Jongin had full control over Kyungsoo. He could do as he damn well pleased.

Kyungsoo’s pants dropped to the ground in a crumpled pile, exposing his black boxers. Jongin could see the shape of erection and licked his lips, flicking the ties in his hand to a stop.

“Go on,” Jongin said. He couldn’t wait to see how hard Kyungsoo would be, untouched as he was. Kyungsoo slid his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers and wiggled out of them, cheeks red with—shame? Excitement? Maybe a heady combination of both; they hadn’t done anything like this since that one time in Jongin’s office.

When the last piece of Kyungsoo’s humility fell to the ground, Jongin had to take a moment to relish in the sight before him.

The afternoon light lit Kyungsoo’s skin up to the point of translucency; his skin looked like it was liquid silk. His dark pink lips were a lovely contrast as well as his wide, dilated eyes.

 _He’s_ so _beautiful_ , Jongin sighed. But that wasn’t the best part of it all.

Kyungsoo’s cock was fully hard and just a touch redder at the tip compared to the rest of himself. He made a move to hide it with his hands but Jongin tutted at him and he stopped at once, remembering that Jongin didn’t hold modesty in high regard when they were alone and left his hands by his sides.

Jongin couldn’t help but smile at Kyungsoo’s blushing face, his nude body and erect cock. It was all of Jongin’s favourite things about him at once, and he was only human.

“Turn a full circle, Kyungsoo. We’ll let whoever’s watching see just how beautiful you are when you have nothing on.” Kyungsoo took half a step back further under the sun before he spun around Kyungsoo shivered when the wind billowed in through the balcony, rubbing his arms with both hands.

“Feeling cold?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded.

“I think I can help with that,” Jongin grinned, crooking a finger for him to come closer. Kyungsoo shivered again, and this time they both knew it wasn’t from the cold. He crossed the space between them, standing a few inches away from Jongin. His cock bobbled in front of Jongin’s face tantalizingly, and it made Jongin chuckle briefly.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks burned bright red at that, though he said nothing.

“On your knees, if you please,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo dropped down to Jongin’s level at once. At the same time, Jongin got onto his knees as well and shuffled closer till they were only an inch away from each other. Touching their lips together but making sure Kyungsoo couldn’t quite touch him, Jongin reached behind Kyungsoo and grabbed his hands.

“Kiss me,” Jongin whispered.

Kyungsoo’s breath was warm over his face as he obeyed without hesitation, licking at Jongin’s lips for him to open up. While Kyungsoo kissed Jongin fervently as if he’d never tasted Jongin before, Jongin used his tie to bind Kyungsoo’s hands behind his back. Kyungsoo sucked and nibbled passionately, gasping when Jongin tightened the knot around his wrists.

“Do you know why I’m tying you up?” Jongin asked between kisses, caressing his ass gently. Kyungsoo broke off to look up at him, “Y-yes.”

“Then you know that refusing my offer is like tying _my_ hands together behind my back. What do I do with you then, if you aren’t going to come along with me, hm?” Jongin asked, kissing Kyungsoo harshly. Kyungsoo responded with just as much vigour, leaning into Jongin’s mouth. Jongin reached up and tugged back on his hair painfully till Kyungsoo was forced to arch away from Jongin.

Kyungsoo’s breath came in short bursts. “I c-can’t come with you, J—” he cut himself off quickly. Jongin tightened his fingers in Kyungsoo’s hair. “I want to but it’s not possible.” Jongin smiled at him sweetly.

“Kyungsoo, anything is possible with me.” He felt Kyungsoo’s cock twitch against his thigh at that remark; Jongin rewarded him with a chaste peck on the lips. Kyungsoo began to whimper as Jongin fingered his entrance lightly, teasing it with his thumb. Jongin felt Kyungsoo struggle against his restraints and guessed that he was probably itching to touch him.

 _That’ll teach him_ , Jongin thought, feeling his inner sadist rear its ugly head.

Kyungsoo refusing to go to China with Jongin was, to him, the same as refusing him completely. Well, two could play at that game. Jongin too, could refuse Kyungsoo what he wanted most. 

“You see, Kyungsoo, I’ve learned in life that when you want something, you ask for it. If you don’t get it, then...” Jongin peppered kisses around his jaw and chin, “sometimes, a small push is necessary.”

Kyungsoo’s chest heaved with each inhale and exhale as he spoke, “Please, please, I’ll do anything for you.” The pleading in his voice was clear but it just wasn’t enough.

“Anything?” Jongin repeated, sucking on his earlobe.

Jongin pressed the tip of his finger into his entrance and felt the breach as well as the uncontrollable shudder that shook Kyungsoo.

“Anything _but_ ,” Kyungsoo moaned, pushing back onto Jongin’s finger. Jongin tutted at him disapprovingly at Kyungsoo’s response, taking his finger away. Kyungsoo gave a loud, stricken cry of protest, pressing himself up against Jongin. He could feel Kyungsoo’s hard nipples through his shirt and knew he was trying to get a bit of friction from Jongin’s shirt.

“Touch me again, please, touch me there again,” he begged. If his hands were untied, Jongin could imagine how grabby Kyungsoo would be right now.

He was _so_ glad he’d decided to tie Kyungsoo’s hands to his back.

“Look, you know what I want, Kyungsoo. The question is, what does it take to get _you_ to agree with me? Do you want me to spank your ass till you bleed? Or shall I just leave you like this, all hard and compliant for me till the end of the day? Maybe then you’ll reconsider things,” Jongin said.

“You can do what you want with my body,” Kyungsoo breathed, dropping down on the comforter and leaning back till he hit the ground with a thud.

He laid back at an awkward angle with his hands behind his back, lifting his hips and spreading his trembling legs as wide as he could. “Please, Jongin, _please_ touch me. It’s all I want,” Kyungsoo mewled.

It was a mighty fine view from Jongin’s perspective. He loved the way Kyungsoo glowed before him, how every inch of him was magnificently flawless and offered up to him like a pagan sacrifice. Jongin wanted to punish him, but he wasn’t entirely immune to Kyungsoo’s charms either.

“Where do you want me to touch you? Here?” Jongin asked huskily, running a hand from his stomach to his trachea slowly, feeling every bump and curve. He moved forward slightly to sit snugly between Kyungsoo’s legs, caressing his thigh with his other hand.

“I like it when you touch me everywhere,” Kyungsoo sighed, eyes sliding shut.  

Jongin hummed in reply. “But you know what I like?” he asked softly, pinching Kyungsoo’s nipple, hard enough to make him squeal in surprise.

Jongin ducked down to lave at it roughly, sucking at his nipple mercilessly. Kyungsoo gasped and pushed himself against Jongin’s mouth without an ounce of hesitation before Jongin suddenly pulled back, the salty taste of Kyungsoo’s skin lingering on his tongue.

“I like it when you’re reasonable, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, taking his hands away. “I like it when I make a simple request and you do your best to please me, just like what you’re doing now,” he murmured, moving away from Kyungsoo, albeit with much reluctance on his part.

Kyungsoo dropped his hips to the ground, breathing hard. “I-I’ll please you, I promise. I’ll be your good boy, just touch me again—”

“No,” Jongin dragged the word out, its meaning ringing lout loud, clear and final.

Kyungsoo whimpered on the ground, his hard cock pointing upwards helplessly. Jongin was truly tempted to leave him like that for the rest of the day; if only Kyungsoo wasn’t such a beautiful, wanton creature right out of Jongin’s wet dreams. Jongin cursed at himself in his head.

Just then, Kyungsoo shut his eyes tightly as if it took every ounce of his pride to bite out his next four words, “I’ll come with you.”

Jongin almost said ‘Really?’ but shut himself up in time, not wanting to jinx it.

 _That was almost too easy_ , he thought. Frankly, he expected a little more than that from Kyungsoo. Plus he didn’t exactly mind watching him suffer for another ten more minutes too...

“Are you sure you’re not saying that just because you want me to fuck you now?” Jongin asked slowly. It would be a disappointment to end all disappointments if it was just a lie. What kind of person went on a business trip without some sort of company anyway?

“Partly because of that,” Kyungsoo bit his lip, “but also because if it means a lot to you then...” he shrugged.

Jongin couldn’t help a smile then, taking the lube out from his pocket and placing it on the comforter beside Kyungsoo. He chuckled under his breath when he caught Kyungsoo watching him curiously as he undressed, flinging his clothes all over the place.

“I must say, Kyungsoo,” he said, motioning for Kyungsoo to sit up as he pulled off his pants, “you do know how to please a man.”

Kyungsoo went red at that, getting onto his knees before Jongin. He kissed Kyungsoo on the nose gently, hands going to his waist. “What do you say to that?” Jongin whispered in his ear.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo breathed.

Jongin pulled at Kyungsoo’s waist abruptly, sucking at a spot below his ear. Kyungsoo struggled with his bound hands for a moment, before settling for kissing and licking every inch of Jongin’s skin he could reach with his mouth, shuffling closer to him.

Jongin nibbled and sucked with unhurried abandon, tasting the salt on Kyungsoo’s skin. He could feel Kyungsoo’s tongue scraping erotically at his collarbone, his shuddery sighs when Jongin teased at his sweet spots. He saved the best for last, moving from his neck and jaw line to his mouth, kissing him softly and prying his mouth open with his tongue.

Kyungsoo unconsciously pressed himself up against Jongin’s erection when Jongin lapped at his tongue, groaning low in his throat.

They kissed till one of them broke away for air, but it didn’t stop there. Jongin felt as if he was one entity with Kyungsoo, touching and caressing him and conforming his own body to the shape of Kyungsoo’s figure till there was no way, no way that he’d ever forget how their bodies aligned perfectly with one another.

“God, I want you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin mumbled, reaching behind Kyungsoo to undo his bound hands hurriedly. Kyungsoo was patient, grazing his teeth gently across Jongin’s jaw as he waited for his hands to come free.

When Jongin was done, he held Kyungsoo away from him at arm’s length.

“Prep yourself,” he ordered, “I want to watch,” Jongin added, to soften the command. _Why make it easy for him?_ Jongin thought. Kyungsoo, to his surprise, smiled a little shyly at him. Jongin caught a glance at the red lines ringing Kyungsoo’s wrists as he reached for the lube and pressed some of it onto his fingers.

Kyungsoo didn’t waste any time making a show out of it, fitting two fingers up into his ass at once. Kyungsoo hissed at the stretch briefly, one hand braced before him for support.

Jongin suspected he wasn’t going slow on himself; Kyungsoo loved the burn a little too much for his taste sometimes. “Slow down,” Jongin cooed, finally settling down nicely on the comforter once more to catch his breath. Kyungsoo obeyed reluctantly, fingers moving in and out at a slower pace.

He gasped breathlessly at the intense feeling, his eyes trailing over to Jongin’s cock every so often. Jongin didn’t need a hint on what Kyungsoo was thinking about at that moment.

“Imagine if it was my fingers, Kyungsoo. You’d love it if I prepped you nice and slow, wouldn’t you?” Jongin asked huskily. Kyungsoo jerked involuntarily with a gasp, bending forward as if he couldn’t handle the mental image Jongin had painted for him.

“Yes, I would,” Kyungsoo mumbled, cock twitching between his legs.

“Add another finger,” Jongin instructed. Kyungsoo obliged happily enough, a third finger sliding into his entrance easily. He threw his head back slightly at the sensation, eyes closed with his mouth open. Jongin knew he was definitely ready now.

“Do you think you’re all prepped now?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo’s eyes slid open lazily as he licked his lips and nodded once. Jongin sent a smile in his direction; only Kyungsoo could look sensual with his hooded eyelids and erect cock without coming off as trashy. He was full of interesting surprises like that.

Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s hand away and tugged him here and there till he faced the balcony on all fours in all his nude glory. Then Jongin grabbed the lube, slicked some of it onto his cock and positioned the tip at Kyungsoo’s entrance, his hand going to Kyungsoo’s neck.

“You wanna be my good boy, don’t you?” Jongin asked. He could feel Kyungsoo’s entrance widening, desperate to suck his cock in and squeeze around his length.

Kyungsoo hummed in reply, wiggling his butt around. Jongin placed a hand on his waist to still him, tutting at his impatience.

Firmly, he pressed down on Kyungsoo’s neck till his face was level with the ground but with his ass still in the same position. Kyungsoo only resisted for a split second, and then had his fingers digging into the comforter beneath him in anticipation. Jongin didn’t think they ever really fucked in this position before, and especially not in front of Jongin’s balcony.

“Are you ready?” Jongin asked.

Without waiting for a reply, he fucked Kyungsoo’s ass in one, smooth motion. Kyungsoo cried out incoherently as Jongin forced himself into him.

“F-fuck, you’re always so tight,” Jongin stuttered, pushing all the way in with a soft squelch from the lube. Kyungsoo’s figure jerked a few times beneath Jongin, a thin sheen of sweat gleaming under the soft sunlight.

Jongin circled his hips experimentally, listening to Kyungsoo gasp and mewl as he moved. He loved the little noises Kyungsoo would make, relished in them; they were always so raw and uninhibited. It made him feel like getting just a little bit rough with Kyungsoo even if he meant to go slow with him and stretch it out for hours.

Well, this time Jongin wasn’t in the mood stretch it out. He wanted Kyungsoo now, wanted him to come shaking and screaming his name in front of the world beyond the balcony. Jongin could tell this would end quickly.

Jongin thrust into Kyungsoo slowly at first, just so that Kyungsoo had to moan for him to go faster.

“Please, Jongin,” he pleaded, spreading his ass cheeks wide with his hands and moving back onto Jongin’s cock. Kyungsoo sobbed loudly against the comforter when Jongin’s cock brushed his prostrate ever so elusively.

Since Kyungsoo asked so nicely, Jongin began to thrust a little faster into him, gripping his hair in his hand. The sound of skin slapping into skin was all they could hear other than their own grunts and sighs, a little breeze blowing through the balcony every few seconds. Goosebumps prickled all over their arms and legs, but Jongin never felt warmer inside.

Or maybe Jongin was just really horny and wanted to come into Kyungsoo’s ass very badly.

It only took a few minutes, possibly less than five before Kyungsoo’s soft sighs escalated into loud cries and he grinded himself desperately onto Jongin’s cock, falling apart beneath Jongin. Dimly, Jongin wondered in the back of his mind if anyone could hear them.

He milked Kyungsoo’s cock between his fingers, biting his lip hard when Kyungsoo screamed that much louder and his ass squeezed down on him tightly.

“ _Ah_ —no, Jongin, c-come inside me, please,” Kyungsoo pleaded, lifting himself up and pushing back on Jongin till he could ride his cock and clench down on it.

Jongin skittered dangerously close to the edge. “S-stop it, hyung, _shit_ —” he groaned, but Kyungsoo didn’t stop, moving sloppily on him till Jongin came harder than he expected, spurting come into Kyungsoo’s ass.

He could feel Kyungsoo continuing to moan and move against him throughout his orgasm and bit down on Kyungsoo’s shoulder till he was finally planted firmly in reality, though real life suddenly felt like pink cotton candy clouds and soft sheets.

Jongin slumped onto the comforter first, pulling Kyungsoo down with him. He wrapped his legs around Kyungsoo, his cock still inside Kyungsoo’s ass.

They didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and Jongin was damned near about to fall asleep in a blissful stupor before Kyungsoo said, “Feels weird to have you inside me still.”

Jongin thunked his forehead against the back of Kyungsoo’s head and heard him yelp before Kyungsoo kicked him viciously in return. “I meant that in the nicest way possible,” Kyungsoo muttered.

Jongin chuckled, shifting to pull out of him. Kyungsoo turned over then, grabbing the comforter and wrapping their bodies with it. He giggled, putting an arm around Jongin. “I think this is better,” he remarked. Jongin smiled half in embarrassment, half in some kind of emotion that he couldn’t quite name and wrapped a leg around Kyungsoo once more.

He’d never say it out loud, but Jongin was slightly in awe of how Kyungsoo had since warmed up to him. It was in little things like these, willingly cuddling up to him first or listening to Jongin lament to him about how work could get so hectic sometimes.

He’d never had someone outside his family really take the time to listen to him. It felt... nice to be heard and to feel like someone did care.

“I think it’s nice too,” Jongin murmured, kissing Kyungsoo’s forehead. He toed Kyungsoo’s feet under the comforter, settling into their shared warm cocoon. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, a pleased smile upon his face.

Jongin must’ve been staring at Kyungsoo for about ten minutes before he suddenly realized why he went to so much trouble to fuck Kyungsoo in the middle of his living room. He caressed Kyungsoo’s hair gently, rubbing his hand soothingly over his arm and hips, feeling the crescent indents he’d made there with his nails before he spoke slowly: “Hyung, are you awake?”

Kyungsoo purred in reply, corner of his mouth twitching weakly.

“I um, don’t mean to interrupt your sleep but you are definitely coming on the trip with me, right?” Jongin said, waiting for Kyungsoo to reply. There was nothing for a long moment; no nodding or shaking of the head.

 _Maybe he’s asleep_ , Jongin thought. Oh well, he’d try when Kyungsoo was preparing dinner later—

“Shut up, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said flatly.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jongin started to say, then cut himself off stiffly. “You’re not asleep yet,” he remarked sourly.

“I said I’d come, didn’t I?” Kyungsoo slit an eye open to peer at him. Jongin gave him a look that said _for real?_

Kyungsoo rolled his eye at him. “Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled. Jongin held back the urge to kick his legs in excitement and instead, pulled the comforter over their heads.

-

In the morning, Jongin handed him the flight ticket cautiously while Kyungsoo ate his cereal breakfast, a little afraid that Kyungsoo would tear it into tiny pieces. Kyungsoo read the details printed on the ticket then held it up as if it was the filthiest thing he’d ever seen.

“You can’t back out now,” Jongin warned. Kyungsoo placed the ticket on the counter calmly, clearing his throat.

“I won’t go back on what I said,” he simply said.

Jongin just tugged at his sweater so he could wrap his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and bury his face into his shoulder, inhaling his scent gratefully. Kyungsoo’s ears were burning hot against his neck when he whispered a small thank you.

*

Kyungsoo peeked out of the tiny airplane window, expression nervous. For the millionth time, he gripped his seatbelt and tugged at it, making sure it was locked. Jongin sighed heavily, placing his champagne glass on the low table before him.

“Hyung, can you stop fidgeting around and relax already? We’ve been on this flight for twenty minutes and all you’ve done is stare out the window,” Jongin complained.

They were flying to Guangzhou today, and Kyungsoo came on the trip as he promised a few days ago, wrapped up in a huge, black padded jacket with a thick plaid scarf around his face when he arrived at the airport. He looked like a grumpy penguin, carrying his bag in his hand and refusing to let Jongin hold it for him.

Regardless, Jongin had given him a quick hug and thanked him for coming on the trip. Kyungsoo had muttered under his breath in reply that Jongin was a pain in the ass—literally.

At first Jongin thought it was just about the trip itself and that Kyungsoo still couldn’t wrap his head around Jongin spending money on him or the fact that it was a midnight flight and they were technically supposed to be asleep.

But when the time to get on Jongin’s private jet came, Kyungsoo went all pale and quiet, he understood. He was scared of flying, though he didn’t say so; Jongin practically had to drag him into the jet, padded jacket and all.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo muttered, settling into the leather seat opposite of Jongin.

“Seriously, relax hyung. It’s not like we’re gonna crash,” Jongin laughed. He could almost imagine Kyungsoo on the flight to London, feeling alone even though he was surrounded with people with only his anxiety to accompany him. Jongin could sympathize with that but not _empathize_. Flying was hardly an issue for Jongin.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to reply when suddenly the jet shuddered violently, a judder rattling the entire length for second or two. Kyungsoo immediately half got up from his seat and shot a hand to Jongin’s knee, eyes wide and dark with fear.

“Did you feel that? What was that? Are you sure we won’t crash?” he said, whipping his head from side to side.

Jongin took one look at Kyungsoo and burst out laughing, placing his hand over Kyungsoo’s. The stewardess was hardly fazed by the turbulence, coming over with a napkin to wipe up the champagne that had spilled out of Jongin’s glass.

“Hyung, it’s nothing, it was just a little turbulence,” Jongin said, unable to stop laughing.

Kyungsoo didn’t look reassured, eyes still wide as he sank back into his seat. He looked like he couldn’t quite believe that they weren’t dead.

Jongin curled up into his seat, laughing till he couldn’t breathe. Kyungsoo’s face was just _priceless,_ a picture perfect Kodak moment.

When he was over his laughing fit, Kyungsoo looked downright dispirited and sulky. _He looks cute_ , Jongin thought, feeling laughter threatening to bubble up in his throat. He kept it down as best as he could, pretending to clear his throat.

“Hyung, why don’t you have some champagne? It’ll help you relax,” Jongin said, offering him his glass. Kyungsoo shook his head at it.

“Don’t like the taste,” he mumbled. Jongin shrugged, putting it down once more.

“Would you like me to cheer you up, hyung?” he asked, trying to distract him. Jongin didn’t like it when Kyungsoo got all nervous and quiet; it was depressing to see.

“I’m alright,” Kyungsoo said stiffly, lifting his hand to his mouth to chew on a nail absently.

Jongin smiled fondly at him, leaning forward. “C’mon hyung, flying isn’t all that bad. You’ve done it before, didn’t you, when you followed me to London? ” he asked.

Kyungsoo nodded. “I puked on the flight home. I hate flying,” he mumbled. Well then, Kyungsoo was certainly brave for following him all the way to London even if he hated flying that much.

Jongin stared at him for a beat before he rustled around in his seat, looking for something. There was no helping it; he’d wanted to do this when they arrived in China, but the situation definitely called for something to pull Kyungsoo out of the quicksand pit everyone called anxiety.

“I got you something...” Jongin said, digging into the inner pockets of his coat. Kyungsoo reluctantly surfaced from his moping parade to stick his bottom lip out curiously.

“Why?” he asked childishly.

“‘Cause I can,” Jongin turned to smile at him, fingers wrapping his gift. He paused.

“But first, you have to promise you won’t give me a hard time about it. It wasn’t expensive and neither is it anything big, just a small gift for the coming winter. Alright?” he tilted his head to one side.

“Fine.” Kyungsoo held out his hand limply, covering his eyes with his other hand.

Jongin chuckled, removing the gift from inside his coat to press it into Kyungsoo’s outreached hand. It really was an inexpensive gift; if Kyungsoo made a fuss about it then it probably meant that he didn’t like it.

Kyungsoo squeezed it tentatively first to feel it out then opened his eyes to look at the gift. It was a pair of black woolly gloves, slim and soft to the touch. Jongin watched Kyungsoo’s expressions carefully, trying to see if he liked Jongin’s gift. In all honesty, Kyungsoo looked somewhere between disgusted and fascinated with the gloves.

“Do you like it?” Jongin finally asked when Kyungsoo didn’t say anything.

“Erm,” Kyungsoo tried them on, fingers wiggling into the gloves. They fitted perfectly, to Jongin’s relief, and actually looked good in Jongin’s unbiased opinion. _Certainly looks better than anything Kyungsoo would buy for himself anyway_ , he thought, shoving that thought aside hastily.

“They’re... really nice,” Kyungsoo said, feeling the material curiously. “Y-you didn’t have to get me these,” he continued, sounding embarrassed.

“They didn’t cost much, trust me,” Jongin said reassuringly, “My stylist got them for me at some flea market, I think. There were socks to go with the gloves too, but I wasn’t sure if you were reasonable enough for them.”

Kyungsoo smiled awkwardly at that. “You have a stylist?” he looked up at Jongin.

“Haven’t I mentioned her before? She’s actually more of a personal shopper... Only Chanyeol has a real stylist,” he smiled. He had successfully distracted Kyungsoo and felt like clapping his hands above his head although he tried not to show it.

“I actually already have a pair of gloves but um,” Kyungsoo wiggled his gloved fingers at Jongin, “thanks, Jongin. It’s really um... thoughtful of you,” he blushed, looking away.

“It’s great that you like it, hyung. This is only the warm up stage for the next few months,” Jongin teased, then laughed when Kyungsoo flung one of the gloves at Jongin’s face.

“Stop buying me stuff when there’s no real reason to do it, Jongin, I mean it,” Kyungsoo said warningly. The threat fell a little flat, considering that the leather seat engulfed Kyungsoo’s body and he looked about as intimidating as a soft toy.

Jongin let a small giggle slip, and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at him.

He went back to rubbing his fingertips over the glove, feeling its texture in fascination while Jongin put his feet up and sipped at his champagne. With Kyungsoo properly distracted from the fact that they were over twenty thousand feet in the air, at least Jongin knew that he wouldn’t be bored throughout the entire trip. 

It sort of felt like a good omen to be on this trip with Kyungsoo; Seoul’s little lights twinkled at him from the window on his left as if to agree with him. Jongin felt like something big would happen in China and it wasn’t just the opening ceremony. 


	17. tonight i'm not afraid to tell you what I feel about you

Jongin watched Kyungsoo struggle out of his padded parka like a penguin trying to take off into the sky, all grunts and flailing around. For a moment, he considered not offering a hand but thought the better of it and cleared his throat, “Need some help, hyung?”

“It would be much appreciated, yes,” Kyungsoo said begrudgingly.

He had pulled the jacket over his head (thanks to a faulty zip) and was trying to get his arms out of the sleeves, but now it seemed like he had completely disappeared in a black, padded mess of squares. Jongin took a step forward with a resigned smile and began to pat about, trying to feel for Kyungsoo’s head and shoulders. He tugged a few times at different spots, and soon Kyungsoo came loose with a loud exhale of relief.

“Your hair,” Jongin frowned, flinging the jacket to the ground and shifting his attention to the bird’s nest upon Kyungsoo’s head.

“Does it look bad?” Kyungsoo laughed, running a hand through it uselessly. It looked nothing like how his hair did a minute ago before he struggled with his jacket. “Maybe it’s the weather,” Kyungsoo said, running both hands through his hair.

Jongin stood back to let Kyungsoo gather himself, looking around the hotel room.

They had arrived almost forty minutes ago at the airport, two hours shy of dawn the air stewardess had told him; the minute they stepped out of the jet, Jongin knew they were inappropriately dressed.

Although he was pretty sure Guangzhou had four seasons just like Seoul, nobody said it’d be as sweltering hot as any summer day, in _winter_ no less.

They managed to avoid the weather inside the airport and the car but now it was unbearable to wear a coat, even if they were in the hotel room. And the weather affected more than just their outfits; Kyungsoo’s hair felt a little different already in the humid air. Jongin wouldn’t be surprised if his skin or hair started acting up sooner or later.

“The view’s nice though, to answer your earlier question,” Kyungsoo suddenly piped up, unbuttoning his inner cardigan. Jongin was sure he’d seen it on Baekhyun before.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jongin agreed, turning to look beyond the glass balcony doors. It was still dark, but the sky was a mottled dark purple instead of dense black, and the city lights certainly rivalled that of Seoul’s. The Pearl River shimmered some distance away from the hotel, reflecting every glimmer of light and made everything look twice as bright.

In a few hours, the sun would come up and the day would start, but for Jongin everything was just about to come to a short stop. He couldn’t wait to get into bed and cuddle with Kyungsoo till late afternoon.

Kyungsoo glanced at their bags arranged neatly by the door. “Should we, um, unpack now?” he asked, biting his lip.

“That depends,” Jongin replied, looking over at their bags. Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow at him in question.

“Depends on whether or not you can get your sexy pyjamas out of your bag without unpacking everything else,” Jongin said seriously.

Kyungsoo’s hand whacked his arm so fast he couldn’t have avoided it even if he wanted to. “It’s a real concern!” Jongin protested indignantly, watching Kyungsoo stalk off from him to grab his bag and place it on the edge of the bed.

“I won’t unpack now,” he said crossly, removing a pouch from his luggage bag. “Do you really think I’m so unreasonable?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin grabbed his bag and flung it onto the bed as well.

“But hyung, it took you all but medieval torture to convince you to come with me, of course I think you’re a little on the stubborn side—” Kyungsoo threw a pair of sweatpants at his face.

“And I don’t have sexy pyjamas!” Kyungsoo yelled loudly at him, stomping off. _What a_ girl, Jongin remarked to himself. Apparently not only his sisters ever stomped around when they were angry. Jongin heard a door slam before he peeked through Kyungsoo’s sweatpants.

Kyungsoo had slammed off into the bathroom and left Jongin standing by the bed alone. At least he left his sweatpants with Jongin; they smelled like Kyungsoo and sunshine.

He tried the bathroom door cautiously after he found his toothbrush and face wash. It was unlocked, so he walked right in while Kyungsoo was splashing water onto his face, rubbing the soap out of his eyes.

“Why don’t you have any sexy pyjamas?” Jongin asked, unable to resist teasing Kyungsoo. He didn’t take the bait, ignoring the question as he patted his face dry of water with a hand towel.

Jongin shrugged, undoing the buckle of his belt. Kyungsoo’s reflection eyed him suspiciously from the mirror when he heard his pants drop onto the tiled bathroom floor. “I’m just changing my clothes,” Jongin said innocently, holding up his hands.

Kyungsoo proceeded to brush his teeth, studiously ignoring Jongin. It wasn’t till Jongin pressed some of Kyungsoo’s toothpaste onto his toothbrush and rested a hand on Kyungsoo’s waist, that he looked up again. His eyes widened a little when he realized Jongin was wearing nothing but his boxers, and then he mumbled something through all the foam in his mouth.

Jongin obviously couldn’t quite get what Kyungsoo was trying to say (even though he had a few bright ideas) so he played dumb, blinking innocently at Kyungsoo.

They brushed their teeth in silence for a minute or two; Kyungsoo kept an eye on Jongin the entire time. Jongin thought it was mighty suspicious of him to do so. It wasn’t as if taking one’s clothes off and resting a hand upon a lover’s bum was illegal. When they finally rinsed their mouths—separately, to Jongin’s mild disappointment— Kyungsoo wiped his mouth with his hand and squinted hard at Jongin.

“Quit playing, will you?” he said in a threatening voice. Jongin would’ve been in the mood to play if they were in his apartment, but they both needed sleep before any sort of fun could happen.

“Tsk hyung, you know I love playing with you,” Jongin said shamelessly, wrapping his arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and pulling him forward. Kyungsoo almost dropped his toothbrush and gurgled incoherently when Jongin squashed him to his chest.

He managed to sneak a kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead before Kyungsoo tried to biff him over the head and mess his hair up.

“Let me go,” Kyungsoo squeaked. Jongin shook his head, lifting Kyungsoo up a few inches off the ground and shuffling as fast as he could to the bed. He practically tossed Kyungsoo into bed and climbed over him, swallowing his complaints by smothering him with a kiss.

*

The sound of water trickling over rocks and crevices tinkled in the air, a light spray of mist surrounding the top of the mountain. Greenery surrounded the top, green trees, green little weeds, green moss... Everything looked and felt kind of damp to Jongin even though he was wearing gloves over his hands.

“Ooh, look at that yellow bird!” Kyungsoo said excitedly, pointing at said bird somewhere in the trees. Jongin hummed in response, too bored to react properly. Kyungsoo held his camera up and snapped a few pictures, adjusting the lenses each time.

After their short nap at the hotel, Kyungsoo had shaken Jongin awake to drag him to some mountain a little outside of Guangdong for some sight-seeing. He’d called room service for breakfast and they had brought up some brochures too, which intrigued the photographer in him.

Jongin didn’t mind it at all since this entire trip was solely because he wanted to see Kyungsoo happy (and impress him) though he doubted that a trip to the top of some cold mountain would be very interesting for him.

As it turned out, he didn’t like it at all. They rode a cable car almost to the top and got off to climb the rest of the way up slowly; Jongin hated it because he had to keep saving himself and Kyungsoo countless times from slipping on slippery patches of wet soil as they made their way up. Everything was wet because it had drizzled slightly while they were having breakfast in the hotel room and it was cold because the mountain top was closer to the sky or something; he was sure there was a very good scientific reason why the weather was so drastically different from the city.

Miraculously enough, Kyungsoo thought everything was a hoot and the greenery on the mountain was so breathtaking that he hardly noticed all the small details.

He kept going “Ooh, rocks!” and “Ooh, look at that big tree!” here and there till Jongin was almost too tired to keep up (the only reason his sanity didn’t snap was because Kyungsoo had such a happy smile plastered to his face). In the end he just stood to one side, other tourists milling past him while he held Kyungsoo’s camera bag and backpack.

“God, isn’t it just beautiful here?” Kyungsoo gushed, eyes starry and wide with glee.

“Yeah, it is,” Jongin replied. He didn’t sound very convincing, not even to his own ears. Kyungsoo sighed happily, then took a deep inhale of the fresh and damp mountain air. The smell of wet mud clung to the air, and if the wind picked up it would smell like dog shit sometimes. Jongin didn’t know if he was just disillusioned with nature or if Kyungsoo was just such a tree hugger (he didn’t mind the latter).

“Shall we head on to the top?” Kyungsoo said after a minute.

“Aren’t we at the top yet?” Jongin asked, eyes widening. If they went any higher they might just float off into space; the city seemed so far away from where they stood. Kyungsoo laughed, taking his things from Jongin.

“No, there’ll be a signboard congratulating us if we were already at the top. Let’s go, Jongin, then we can say we climbed Baiyun Mountain,” Kyungsoo beamed at him. Jongin felt a protest build up in his chest but it deflated very quickly when Kyungsoo grabbed his hand and tugged him back onto the path where other tourists were hiking to the top.

 _Oh God_ , he thought, mouth going dry. It felt so easy, so natural to curl his fingers around Kyungsoo’s smaller hand just like they did dozens of times before in Seoul but it seemed to feel a little different now that anyone could see them holding hands.

Then again, he didn’t want to let go either. _No one knows me here anyway_ , Jongin reasoned. Hardly anyone in China met his gaze with recognition this entire trip aside from airport staff and the driver. They had even gotten into the car five minutes apart so it didn’t seem like they were _together_ together.

 _Sehun and the others are supposed to arrive later anyway_ , he thought. Jongin tightened his grip around Kyungsoo’s hand and sped up to walk beside him.

They didn’t say anything till they reached the mountain top three minutes later. Jongin thought that maybe Kyungsoo hadn’t even realized that he’d grabbed Jongin’s hand but then he noticed that Kyungsoo’s cheeks were pink, and it didn’t look like it was from the cold.

“There’s not much to see, huh?” Jongin said, looking around. The mountain top was flatten out with a wooden flooring, and the panoramic view Kyungsoo had been expecting to see was clouded out by thick and heavy mist. Kyungsoo made a noise of disappointment in his throat, frowning.

“It wasn’t so bad down there,” Kyungsoo remarked. Other tourists at the top looked disappointed too, their cameras hanging around their necks. Jongin was only upset that he couldn’t clear out the mist for Kyungsoo to snap pictures away at his heart’s content.

“Let’s not head back down right away yet, hyung,” Jongin said, “Maybe we can wait for a while, see if the mist doesn’t clear up in a minute.”

Kyungsoo thought it was an alright idea since they’d already climbed all the way up, then gestured at the cafe slash gift store towards their right. “Do you want some drink some coffee there to wait it out?” he asked.

“Only if you have some tea with me,” Jongin replied with a smile. Kyungsoo scoffed lightly then headed towards the cafe, releasing Jongin’s hand. Jongin tried to tell himself that he’d have to let go sometime, yet it felt just a tiny bit disappointing not to feel Kyungsoo’s warm hand through his glove anymore.

Regardless, they entered the crowded cafe and found a small table against one of the glass walls. It was warm inside and a little breathless too, with people pressed against one another in the small space.

They read through the menu for a few minutes. Jongin ordered a cappuccino and a pot of chamomile tea for Kyungsoo when the waitress came by to take their order then they settled in properly, looking at themselves, the table, the mist outside. Jongin thought he should’ve said something but he couldn’t think of anything conversation worthy to say.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Jongin tried. It sounded awkward, like one of the questions an adult would ask a child when they weren’t very interested.

Kyungsoo looked at him like he’d just been slapped across the face. “O-Of course. So far right now, I _am_ having a good time. You?” he asked gently. Jongin laughed weakly, unsure of what to say.

“I know all this nature stuff isn’t your kind of thing, Jongin. Sorry if it hasn’t been too fun for you,” Kyungsoo apologized sincerely. A woman walked past dangerously close to their table, her handbag whacking everything in its way; her perfume was also so strong Jongin almost gagged and coughed.

“No, it’s no problem, really,” Jongin replied, eyes tearing up at the edges. Kyungsoo handed him his napkin from the table. “Admittedly, the mountain hasn’t been much fun but honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to spend this trip with you,” he smiled, taking the napkin from Kyungsoo to dab at his eyes.

He didn’t want to admit that the mountain was as boring as watching water come to a boil but Kyungsoo more than made up for it.

“Maybe we can do something that’s more to your liking next, like...” Kyungsoo paused then dug into his backpack for the brochures. He pushed a few at Jongin.

“Here, why don’t you pick one? We’ll go there next and have fun together,” Kyungsoo smiled.

Jongin wasn’t sure what to do or say; he had never travelled to a foreign country for the sole purpose of _travelling_. It had always been for business, night clubs, or family trips when he was younger, and he didn’t much of a choice at that time too. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to choose, he just didn’t know which to choose.

Looking at the brochures, Jongin eliminated a few options easily; no fun parks because they weren’t that fun in the winter, no zoos too because he wasn’t interested in pandas if he couldn’t hug it for real. They were probably hibernating or whatever it was that pandas did during winter anyway. That left more mountains to hike (God, no), nature trips, parks, street markets and surprisingly, a church. Jongin knew right away what Kyungsoo’s choice would’ve been if it was up to him.

“Um, I think this church looks good,” Jongin blurted. No way was he going on another nature trip. The street markets were pretty normal; they could probably go some other night instead of today.

Kyungsoo had the audacity to look shocked. “A church?” he repeated, voice hollow.

“A church,” Jongin said, sounding much more determined than he felt. “Sacred Heart Cathedral, to be exact,” he added, looking at the brochure closely. It looked like St. Peter’s Cathedral in the Vatican City, all spiked towers and gothic finishes.  

“I never took you for someone who was religious, much less someone who would visit a church on a holiday,” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at him. Jongin shrugged nonchalantly, handing the brochures back to Kyungsoo.

“I know Jesus and the Virgin Marilyn. No biggie,” Jongin said, trying to play it off. Kyungsoo laughed at that, really laughed like it was the best joke he’d heard in a long time.

“You idiot, it’s the Virgin Mary,” he wheezed, curling into the chair like a pleased kitty.

“It’s close,” Jongin pretended to be offended, though he knew if there was anyone offended it would probably be the Virgin Mary up in heaven, tutting away at them in disdain. Already sinning like there was no tomorrow by being together like this and still taking the Lord and his cohorts’ names in vain.

In the end, the mist never cleared up.

Jongin and Kyungsoo spent an entire hour and a half talking over their tea and coffee, then ordered a plate of croissants when they realized they hadn’t eaten lunch. Jongin really liked how it was to be with Kyungsoo and how easy it was to relate to his experiences or opinions. It felt like the realest connection he’d had with another human being and because Jongin never thought it would happen, had thought only fools romanticised the idea of finding— well, you know what (even if he wasn’t going to admit that to himself)— he truly appreciated what he had with Kyungsoo. And that was before he even included sex into the equation.

He wasn’t in love _at all_ , but he thought he had an idea of what it felt like.

When they finally headed down in the cable car back to the city, Jongin didn’t reach for Kyungsoo’s hand and neither did Kyungsoo reach for his but they didn’t need to. He felt infinitely closer to him than he’d ever been in Seoul and his heart sang whenever his gaze landed upon Kyungsoo’s lips, hands, shoulders, legs, everything.

They went to the church as planned and took some stupid pictures too before entering. Jongin ‘leaned’ against the cathedral while Kyungsoo held it up in his hands; they came out exquisite and were lock screen worthy pictures.

Jongin had never taken dumb pictures prior and didn’t know they took quite some energy and time to perfect, so when they finally walked upon hallowed ground, Jongin felt a little looser and warmed up than before. The weather had gone back to being scalding hot too now that they were in the city again. The cappuccino was working on Jongin and he could probably go on that way till he collapsed on the bed— hopefully on top of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo whipped out his camera to snap pictures of the dried leaves on the ground and the church itself, oblivious to Jongin’s thoughts.

Jongin waited for Kyungsoo by the large entrance, did some admiring of his own. The area looked very 18th century, very European with the pretty streets and the cathedral looming imposingly over them. The interior wasn’t too shabby either, large stained glass windows depicting Jesus rising on the third day with a crown of light surrounding his head. The place was picture perfect, and at this point he half expected the Pope to walk out one of the shops near the church.

He also thought, on a darker note, that maybe he should’ve been afraid to enter the church or that maybe they wouldn’t be able to enter somehow. The thought didn’t scare him enough though; if the Lord didn’t forgive him, he’d still have Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo would still have him, blessing people as he went about his day.

 _I bet a lack of fear of God is a sin_ , Jongin mused.

Ah well, what was one more sin in Jongin’s pile? He certainly had quite a long list anyway, that he was sure of.

“You wanna go in?” he asked Kyungsoo when he inched over, still snapping pictures. The entrance was wide open and there wasn’t anything stopping them, but it still felt rude to enter an empty church. Not even so much as a nun was lurking around as Jongin thought they did in churches.

“If they allow visitors at this time then sure. You know, it’d be so cool to take pictures of the interior from right here, just looking into the Lord’s house,” Kyungsoo said, sounding distracted and lost in his thoughts. He had that look on his face whenever he was envisioning something vividly in his head and couldn’t wait to express it through his camera.

“Looking into the church like a sinner waiting to be invited in by the Lord?” Jongin guessed. Kyungsoo nodded and sent him a smile. Jongin stepped aside.

“Snap away then,” he swept an arm grandly to one side. Kyungsoo smiled, shaking his head at him before crouching at the entrance, his camera making small, snapping noises. Jongin just waited for him, touching the wooden door to feel its lacquered surface.

As he waited, a nun finally appeared from inside the church. She was an old and wizen elderly woman, her habit swallowing her frail figure. Her face was covered in fine lines but she greeted Jongin and Kyungsoo politely in Mandarin, gesturing for them to come in.

They thanked her in broken Mandarin, entering the church tentatively. It still seemed a little weird to be in the church when it wasn’t time for mass, like walking into a house uninvited. Nonetheless, Kyungsoo seemed much more familiar with the rituals of being at church and Jongin followed Kyungsoo’s example when he did the sign of the cross before he sat down at one of the pews. Wouldn’t do to insult their host.

The nun wobbled over to the front of the church to light a few candles while they sat together, staring up at the high ceiling of the church in quiet awe.

Jongin had never been a church-goer but he’d seen enough to know what a church looked like. Still, it felt humbling to be in a structure so large built in the name of God, especially when no one in this age knew for sure if there _was_ a God.

“Have you ever been to church, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked in a hushed, low voice.

Jongin shook his head, looking at Kyungsoo. _He really does have nice skin_ , Jongin thought, fingers itching to touch his cheek. It was smooth and clear of blemishes or pimples; Kyungsoo’s skin looked like it was begging to be kissed sometimes.

“I used to think there was something wrong with me, you know,” Kyungsoo said softly, looking straight ahead. His voice was so stiff and emotionless Jongin blinked, trying to focus on the conversation. _Why would he think so?_ He asked himself, frowning slightly.

Then it clicked and Jongin’s stomach dropped, though he didn’t understand why.

“You know there’s nothing wrong with you,” Jongin said slowly. He didn’t know what was appropriate to say in this situation, but he knew for a fact that being gay wasn’t _wrong_. It was just different. Something inside of him curled and twisted angrily on behalf of a younger Kyungsoo from a few years ago.

“I-I know. I know now that even if I’m gay, I wouldn’t be able to change it no matter how many Our Fathers I pray or how much I wished and wished I was just like everyone else. It’s easier now than it was but,” he shrugged, “I think it would’ve helped if someone told me this back then,” Kyungsoo said, then smiled sadly at Jongin.

Jongin snatched up his hand, lacing their fingers together tightly. Kyungsoo looked surprised and tried to let go before anyone saw but Jongin held on and met Kyungsoo’s alarmed gaze calmly.

“I don’t care what society wants to label you, or us, hyung. If God wanted to turn his back on us, I wouldn’t care because in my heart, I would know that you were born as who you are and it was never a choice for you. What kind of God couldn’t forgive you for something you didn’t even ask for anyway?” Jongin scowled. 

“The kind that sends us to hell when we die,” Kyungsoo replied at once.

Jongin smirked. “It’s his loss. We’ll still be together in hell when we die, won’t we?” Kyungsoo blushed at that, looking down at their interlinked hands.

“You know, you... you really didn’t have to do this for me,” Kyungsoo continued. Oh Lord, not this again. “The day you paid any attention to me was more than what I deserved and ever since, I just feel like I’ve been taking and taking from you without paying anything back in return—”

“Shut up,” Jongin said grouchily. “You’re not taking anything that I didn’t want taken in the first place, hyung, and honestly, you should know better.”

Kyungsoo cocked an eyebrow in question at Jongin.

“If I say you’re satisfying me, then you are. You don’t get to decide what is and isn’t worth it,” Jongin said, nuzzling Kyungsoo’s neck because he couldn’t resist it anymore. Kyungsoo hit his chest at once, pulling his hand out of Jongin’s at once.

“Disrespectful kid,” Kyungsoo muttered, folding his arms.

Jongin half choked in pain and half laughed at the same time at Kyungsoo’s blushing face, rubbing the painful spot on his chest. He didn’t even care that he was in church and probably wasn’t supposed to be laughing so loudly. Kyungsoo looked furious and embarrassed; both states which Jongin was delighted to see Kyungsoo in.

“Oh, hyung,” Jongin sighed happily, putting an arm over his shoulders and tugging him close.

“I hate you,” Kyungsoo muttered under his breath. Jongin kissed his head briefly, patting him. “I thought you were supposed to love thy neighbour,” he teased.

It was on the very tip of his tongue to ask him, ‘Don’t you love me?’ when he suddenly realized that this was Kyungsoo, not Sehun or Chanyeol or Suho, and he didn’t even know if Kyungsoo _did_ love him. He made a weird hesitant noise before he shut up, looking somewhere else.

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss and sank into the pews like a deflated balloon while Jongin panicked internally right beside him.

 _Damn, that was close_ , he thought.

Although it was scary to think about, he realized that he actually sort of wanted to know if Kyungsoo loved him. Two years of following him around had to mean _something_ , and though they had been together only for a rather brief time, Jongin could definitely say that well, he did care for Kyungsoo very much and wouldn’t mind taking care of him for a long time.

He liked seeing him happy and making him happy and those thoughts just jarred him right out of everything else like a punch to the face.

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo. It was easy, almost too easy to imagine them living together under one roof where Kyungsoo would cook Jongin meals for the rest of his life and Jongin would spend his nights cuddling Kyungsoo’s warm body under the sheets, maybe have sex on some sheepskin by the fire in winter. Then they’d do things together, some boring and some fun but the whole point was that they’d do it together. 

 _Wow_ , he thought. _I must be out of my goddamned mind._

He didn’t even know if Kyungsoo felt that way for him yet. As if Kyungsoo seemed to know Jongin was thinking about him, he chose to look up at him at that particular moment.

“Something wrong?” he asked.

Jongin shook his head a little too quickly. These thoughts were not meant to be brought up in public; he’d deal with them later in the hotel. Maybe even dial up Chanyeol secretly at night if it was really getting to him.

“Nothing, just thinking about something,” Jongin mumbled. It wasn’t even a lie.

Kyungsoo nodded. “Okay. You can sit here while I go to the altar to take some pictures. Don’t move an inch,” he said, getting up and crossing over Jongin’s legs to get out of the pew.

His phone in his pocket suddenly pinged while Jongin was lost in his thoughts. Jongin jolted, then dug out his phone to see who had messaged him. It was Sehun, and he opened the message to read it.

_‘Be ready tomorrow at 2. Your dad’s just arrived, and I’m heading to the airport to pick him up now.’_

_Oh for Christ’s sake,_ Jongin thought, grimacing.

 As if all these thoughts weren’t messing with him enough, he had forgotten entirely about his father coming to China. It was just such a drag to be near his father and to pretend he respected his father for the benefit of the media. Jongin tucked his phone away, already pouting.

Tomorrow was going to be a shite day indeed. But at least Kyungsoo could distract him for now.

*

“Good morning,” Kyungsoo whispered in Jongin’s ear. Jongin heard him in his sleep but felt too drowsy to reply. He didn’t move, hoping that Kyungsoo would give up and try again at a later time. 

A few seconds later, he felt something tickle his nose. “Nnrrgghh,” Jongin mumbled irritably, turning away to press his face into the pillow.

“Jongin, it’s twelve in the afternoon now.”

As if that ever stopped him from staying in bed. He didn’t answer. Twelve sounded early to him, and it should’ve been early for Kyungsoo too. The mattress sunk down for a moment, and he thought Kyungsoo was going back to sleep but of course he was stupid to hope.

Kyungsoo started to shake his arm, thoroughly and effectively pulling him out of his lovely, drowsy state. He turned over reluctantly, opening his eyes a crack to peer at Kyungsoo.

He was sitting on his haunches, looking fresh and clean with a small smile on his face. “C’mon, don’t you have to go to your event in a while?” Kyungsoo cajoled.

“No,” Jongin replied tersely, mouth feeling strangely a little numb. His body felt kinda sore too from hiking and walking so much the previous day.

Kyungsoo tutted at him. “Yes, you do. I ordered some food in already, so have your breakfast— or is it lunch? Anyway, you should eat it before it gets cold,” Kyungsoo said, throwing back the blankets.

The room was considerably colder now with the AC on, and Jongin’s skin prickled at the sensation cold, dry air over his bare legs. The loss of warmth brought him a few levels further up into full blown consciousness despite the cottony feeling in his head and mouth. Without thinking, he reached for Kyungsoo’s waist first and tugged himself up halfway, leaning heavily on Kyungsoo to inhale his scent.

“Will you feed me if I wake up now, hyung?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo ruffled his hair, laughing a little.

“Maybe. You’d have to wake up to know,” he replied. Jongin pulled back to look at Kyungsoo sternly but Kyungsoo was unfazed, even had a cheeky lopsided grin on his face in reply. Jongin wanted to kiss his face and press it into the sheets at the same time.

He did neither. Groaning, Jongin got up from the bed and onto his cumbersome limbs. Though he was sort of tired, it wasn’t anything coffee couldn’t fix. Kyungsoo daringly patted his butt as he walked away which Jongin allowed only because he didn’t have the energy to do much else besides shuffle blearily to the bathroom. It felt like he’d only fallen asleep five minutes ago with Kyungsoo in his arms; it wasn’t fair that Kyungsoo seemed to function well without much sleep.

When he returned after splashing water on his face, Kyungsoo had his meal waiting for him at the small table. He patted on a seat for Jongin to sit down as he uncovered the tray, revealing Jongin’s breakfast.

Jongin obeyed Kyungsoo’s command and surveyed the greasy bacon, scrambled eggs and slices of toast on his plate. There was also orange juice and choice of coffee or green tea. A typical Western breakfast, by all standards. It was an ideal way to start his day but he couldn’t quite decide where to start.

“Hmm,” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?” Kyungsoo said anxiously, “you don’t like the eggs? I wasn’t sure if you wanted them scrambled or boiled or sunny side up—”

“Nah, I don’t mind. I think... you can start feeding me the bacon first,” Jongin said, then smiled at Kyungsoo angelically. He immediately scowled, rolling his eyes at Jongin.

“You promised,” Jongin pouted.

“I never,” Kyungsoo growled in reply. He looked like he wanted to slam Jongin’s face into his breakfast but instead he relented, reaching for the knife and fork to slice up the bacon.

“Oh no, you can just shove that into my mouth whole,” Jongin said, placing a hand over Kyungsoo’s.

“I will,” Kyungsoo growled, stabbing the bacon and shoving it all into Jongin’s mouth. While he waited for Jongin to finish chewing, Kyungsoo spoke, “So I was thinking about visiting the malls later on, see if there’s anything interesting to photograph. How long do you think you’re gonna be away?” 

Jongin shrugged. “Sehun texted me last night to be ready at two. I’m supposed to be with Yifan for a short press conference too, but Lord knows how long that will take,” Jongin grimaced.

There was going to be over 30 reporters from around the world later at said press conference. He’d read up on the questions that he could expect from the reporters on the flight and most warranted pretty long answers, so he knew that the press conference could stretch on into an hour pretty easily. It was going to be a complete bore without Kyungsoo by his side too.

“Well, no worries. Just text me if you’re coming back to the hotel then maybe we can do something together,” Kyungsoo shrugged, pushing a slice of toast to his mouth. Jongin bit down on it obediently.

“You can have my credit card too, if you want,” Jongin offered. Kyungsoo’s eyes narrowed into slits the minute he said that.

“Just take it in case you need it, okay? You don’t have to use it, just put it in your wallet so I can feel a little more at ease while you tromp around town,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo’s face puckered up like he’d eaten a sour lemon, but he didn’t say anything.

Altogether, it took ten minutes to feed Jongin his breakfast. He tried his luck when he was done eating by asking Kyungsoo to hold up his cup of coffee to his mouth so he could sip at it, but Kyungsoo threatened to take his eyeballs out with the fork. The moral of the story however, was that he had tried.

“Then can you please kiss me before I take my shower?” he asked politely. His mother had once said that manners maketh a man, and maybe it would work on Kyungsoo so he’d be as compliant as a bowl of marshmallows.

“Tsk,” Kyungsoo sent him a dirty look. Jongin blinked at him innocently as he got up. He thought Kyungsoo was going to walk away and leave him hanging but instead, he plopped down heavily without any warning on Jongin’s lap and held his face in his hands, kissing him hard.

 _Now this was more like it_ , Jongin smiled, hands going to Kyungsoo’s ass. 

They kissed long and hard enough that they were making embarrassingly wet noises but Jongin couldn’t bring himself to care or put a stop to it. He sucked and nibbled on Kyungsoo’s mouth as much as he could, trying to savour the sweet-salty taste of him as something he could think about later during the opening ceremony.

Kyungsoo wasn’t as anxious as he was, scraping his nails on Jongin’s scalp gently as he kissed him back slowly, unhurriedly. He sighed into Jongin’s mouth when Jongin slipped his hand down Kyungsoo’s un-sexy pyjama pants and purred in satisfaction the moment he felt Jongin’s finger tease his entrance.

“N-No,” he moaned, pulling Jongin’s hand out of his pants.

“Why not? I think there’s still some time before I have to leave,” Jongin murmured.

“I left the lube,” Kyungsoo mumbled, licking a stripe down Jongin’s throat, “in my bag. Too lazy to get it out.”

“Well then, you better get it ready tonight,” Jongin growled, pulling Kyungsoo’s hair back impatiently to reveal the pale skin of his neck to his hungry gaze. If they couldn’t have sex now then Jongin could settle for leaving marks all over Kyungsoo’s regrettably unmarked body till tonight, when they could finally have some real fun.

First he left three or four hickeys over Kyungsoo’s neck, making sure that he’d have to cover up later or else everyone would see the international signs of ‘just-made-out-before-I-came-out’.

Then he returned to kiss Kyungsoo as he tugged Kyungsoo’s shirt off despite his half hearted protests. “No, stop, we don’t have time—”

“I won’t fuck you now, I’ll do it later, I promise,” Jongin cut him off, biting his bottom lip between blunt teeth. Kyungsoo hummed his approval, sticking out the tip of his pink tongue for Jongin to suck on. Jongin always appreciated it whenever Kyungsoo was cooperative.

Once Kyungsoo’s shirt was off, Jongin proceeded to push onto the table so he could suck more hickeys over his chest. It didn’t take much hard work, not when Kyungsoo was as pale as a white sheet of paper and neither did it take very long for him to start moaning lewdly once Jongin started on his nipples. He left around eight marks over Kyungsoo’s chest, collarbones and nipples when he finally pulled away (nine if you counted teeth marks).

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, hyung?” Jongin smiled. His lips were a few shades darker than usual, he knew, and Kyungsoo was no better than him.

“I think you missed one more spot,” Kyungsoo murmured, pulling at his pyjama pants. His cheeks were pink and Jongin thought he saw his hand trembling. Jongin chuckled under his breath, hooking Kyungsoo’s pants down to his knees with his fingers.

“Did I? Why don’t you tell me where then?” Jongin asked, getting down on his knees so he was level with Kyungsoo’s thighs. He placed both hands over them, felt Kyungsoo tremor slightly. Kyungsoo’s erection stuck out through his boxers in plain sight but Jongin tried to ignore it, looking up at Kyungsoo expectantly.

He didn’t look like he wanted to say it but they both knew that Jongin wanted to hear Kyungsoo say the words. “H-here, please,” Kyungsoo mumbled, swallowing thickly.

Kyungsoo put his hand down his boxers and pulled his erect cock out, lifting his hips up to Jongin’s mouth. He shifted his gaze to look at it wonderingly, pretending to consider Kyungsoo’s request. Jongin touched a finger to the tip gently, watching it harden further as Kyungsoo exhaled loudly through his mouth.

“Please?” Kyungsoo squeaked.

Jongin looked up at him. “I don’t think so,” he shook his head, lifting Kyungsoo’s right leg with his hand. Kyungsoo hardly seemed to understand what was going on, frowning down at him in confusion.

“ _No_? Why not?” he asked incredulously.

Jongin took his time with his answer, pressing light close mouthed kisses to Kyungsoo’s thigh.

“Well, I usually finish what I start and Lord knows things can go out of hand so quickly when you’ve got yourself all hard for me here...” Jongin wrapped a hand around the length of Kyungsoo’s cock for a brief moment.

“But as you pointed out, there’s just not enough time,” Jongin finished, releasing his cock. Kyungsoo whimpered, hands scrambling across Jongin’s arms and shoulders anxiously.

“N-no, Jongin, I won’t ask for more than this, I promise,” Kyungsoo said hurriedly.

Jongin shook his head, even when his brain and dick were screaming ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ In this case, Kyungsoo was an emergency Jongin would gladly have dealt with at any other time but now; he wanted to appreciate every detail, not hurry through the motions.

Kyungsoo’s pretty mouth and his pale, trembling body deserved more than that.

Before Kyungsoo could say any more, Jongin sucked hard on his inner thigh, feeling the soft flesh give in his mouth. It was like putting a chunk of pudding that tasted like Kyungsoo and skin, a combination Jongin had yet to tire of. He made sure to leave a large brownish red mark close to Kyungsoo’s cock, a promise that there would be more to come if Kyungsoo was patient enough.

Kyungsoo kept quiet, though he was pouting. “I wish you didn’t have to leave,” Kyungsoo sighed when Jongin brought himself up on the chair behind him.

“I wouldn’t mind spending an afternoon with you like this,” Kyungsoo said, then turned away so Jongin couldn’t see him blushing. Jongin saw anyway and stood up, pecking his forehead and crushing him to his chest in a hug.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. You’ll wait, won’t you, hyung?” Jongin said.

“I will,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“I’ll be back by six at the very latest, and I promise I’ll give you all the attention you can handle,” Jongin murmured into Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo grunted in reply, stroking his neck.

“Alternatively, you can just admire the work I’ve done in the mirror till I return,” Jongin added, and Kyungsoo smacked his back.

Oh, how he’d miss Kyungsoo and his abusive ways.

-

“Have you been partying all night?” was the first thing Sehun said when he was alone with Jongin. He was staring at his lips; Sehun could probably tell Jongin had done some kissing in the recent hours.

“Uh, it has been a pretty wild night,” Jongin said, smirking slightly. Kyungsoo and Jongin didn’t try anything last night because they were too tired from the day’s activities, but the reminder of their invigorating morning certainly cheered him up some. This place was so boring he wanted to die. 

VIPs were crawling all over the entrance of the new factory right now, holding champagne glasses as they conversed here and there with one another. Chairs had been set up before a podium raised on a platform where Jongin would have to make a speech later.

He had been here long enough to notice that his father and Yifan weren’t here yet, and suspected his father was probably having a chat with him.

 “I see. Well, I hope you managed to squeeze in some time to learn your speech because today is a big day, Jongin,” Sehun said, pursing his lips.

No need to point out the obvious; everyone turned out today, from investors to Jongin’s father’s close friends. It was perhaps bigger an event than he thought it would be. Reporters were lined up behind the chairs for the VIPs, cameras trained and ready to roll the minute Jongin’s father arrived with Yifan. Jongin wasn’t that nervous because he’d already memorized the speech, but still. He was just a _little_ nervous.

“Hey,” Suho’s voice suddenly said from behind the both of them. He clapped a hand on Jongin’s shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly.

“You nervous?” Suho asked. He had both arms around Jongin and Sehun like some grown ass monkey in a suit, grinning from left to right. Jongin knew right away that Suho probably had been guzzling on too much champagne already, otherwise he wouldn’t be so relaxed at such a time. Sehun wriggled out from under Suho’s arm in disgust.

“God, the event hasn’t even started and you’re already drunk,” Sehun said, distaste evident in his voice.

Suho shrugged, holding his hands out like he had no choice but to drink up the champagne the waiters were offering to the VIPs. Jongin sent him a sympathetic look and gestured to one of the seats.

“Why don’t you sit down, Suho, wait it out till you’re a little more sober?” Jongin said. Sehun’s scathing look told Suho that he’d better agree and do as he was told. With so many people watching them, it was important not to fuck up. Surprisingly, Suho nodded.

“Okay,” he meandered off towards one of the seats. Thank God he still had a bit of sense left. Jongin looked around anxiously, trying to see if his father had arrived yet.

“Probably traffic,” Sehun said to him, noticing Jongin’s behaviour.

“I just wish he was here already so we can get this over and done with,” Jongin mumbled. He wanted to be anywhere but here. He wanted Kyungsoo to be here, so he could sit and talk to him instead of pretend to look unaffected by everything. He just wanted to hold his hand and listen to whatever last words of advice Kyungsoo could offer.

“Speak of the devil,” Sehun suddenly spoke up from beside Jongin.

Jongin looked up. Did God hear Jongin’s thoughts and send Kyungsoo over to cheer him up? That would’ve been absolutely great—

Upon closer observation, Jongin noticed that his father’s limousine had turned up. The reporters immediately got busy, snapping pictures and rolling their cameras. Yifan’s limousine followed close after Mr. Kim’s limousine, just as Jongin predicted. Boy, wasn’t he in for a fun time. 

“You better be ready,” Sehun whispered to Jongin, hurrying away from him. Jongin didn’t bother pretending he was glad to see his dad. He just sighed inwardly, walking over to sit beside Suho. Even though he was drunk and probably not in his right mind at the time, Suho patted his leg and nodded as if he understood everything already.

The day dragged on painfully slow, each second lasting an hour.

Jongin had to wait while four people before him made the longest, most pretentious speeches he’d ever heard, including his father and Yifan. The hardest part was probably pretending to be interested. His eyes kept watering as he held back a dozen yawns; by the time, it was his turn, Jongin felt like he was in a daze.

He stuttered a bit in the beginning, especially over the words ‘beloved father’. After gaining some momentum Jongin ploughed on, reciting his speech perfectly right down to every word. Sehun had gone through the speech to make sure it sounded light hearted enough (but also serious because this wasn’t a fucking joke) and told Jongin to relax so it wouldn’t sound like he memorized it (which he obviously did).

At the end of it though, the reporters and his father looked pretty pleased so Jongin knew he had done alright. They clapped when he was done; the worst part of the day was over. It was out now that Jongin was the new CEO of Accuretta Systems. He didn’t know if he should’ve felt elated or burdened.

Everything seemed to be on fast forward after that. Yifan and Mr. Kim came up on the platform, linking arms to show unity. Then there was the ribbon cutting ceremony at the very entrance of the factory which Suho almost fucked up when he tripped over a rock or something and almost photobombed the pictures taken of Jongin snipping the red ribbon in half. Sehun caught him quickly and elbowed his spine, hissing some threat. There were cheers all around regardless, congratulatory wishes and champagne passed around once more.

Yifan took over next, leading them all into the factory. It was as interesting as a factory could be, all cement floors and steel tables. Jongin was so bored on the tour he considered touring the men’s washroom on his own, perhaps only stepping out once it was all over, but it was too risky.

It was almost four by the time they were done.

As Jongin had expected, Yifan invited the board members, investors and also Jongin’s father for a meal. “My treat,” he said warmly, placing a large hand across his chest. It took all of Jongin’s human strength not to cringe in front of Yifan.

Jongin knew he couldn’t decline since it was such a big day and all, but at least it was finally an opportunity to text Kyungsoo and see how he was doing.

He waited till they were out of the factory and was standing by the sidewalk to wait for the car to turn up to type out a quick text. Sehun, Suho and Baekhyun were behind him, discussing what sort of food they should order; the normal kind or the kind that would burn a hole in Yifan’s credit card?

_‘Hey, are you doing alright?’_

Jongin knew that Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able reply if there wasn’t any Wi-Fi around but there was no harm in trying. That was probably why he almost jumped when Kyungsoo’s text came in immediately, surprising the hell out of him till the guys noticed.

“Who’re you texting?” Suho asked curiously.

Baekhyun looked like he could take a guess and toed the ground innocently, looking at everything but Jongin.

“No one,” Jongin mumbled, turning away to read the message.

_‘I’m fine. Sitting in Starbucks thanks to your credit card. How about you?’_

Jongin smiled despite himself. He wasn’t there with Kyungsoo in person but he still managed to do something for him. A warm, fuzzy feeling filled his chest as he typed out a reply.

_‘The opening just ended. Heading back to the city for tea with everyone else. Or is it an early dinner? Anyway, it’s Yifan’s treat. What are you drinking?’_

Jongin’s hired limousine slowed to a stop before him, and he stuffed his phone into his pocket. He got in after the doorman opened the door for him and was puzzled when Sehun, Suho and Baekhyun piled in as well. Where was his semblance of privacy? Was he never to be free of his nosy and annoying friends?

“We’re saving gas,” Sehun said without looking at him, shutting the door after himself. It wasn’t like Jongin could say anything, so he sat back quietly. The car started to move. 

His phone buzzed while Suho and Baekhyun were trying to find a radio station to hear what Mandopop sounded like and if they ever played Western music in China. Sehun snapped at them like an angry owner would berate his pet poodles at the third traffic light.

“Just settle on one station, will you? I’m trying to do something productive here, unlike you three,” he snapped.

Jongin tried to be as subtle as possible at looking at the message as Sehun went off on Suho and Baekhyun. He was probably just hungry thus irritable; Sehun was _way_ snappier than usual. 

_‘Just finished my second pot of tea. I’m going back to the hotel now. Enjoy your early dinner.’_

There wasn’t much Jongin enjoyed without Kyungsoo. He hoped Yifan wouldn’t order anything crazy later on. Jongin wanted to leave some space to try and make it for dinner with Kyungsoo at the hotel.

*

_Jesus Christ._

Jongin trod wearily on the thick carpet of the hotel hallway, feeling more worn out than he had been the night before. It was nine p.m., longer than he ever anticipated he’d be out trying to get away from Yifan and the rest of them.

He didn’t mind the free meal at first. He had nibbled on every dish Yifan had ordered, from roasted pork, roasted duck, stir-fried vegetables to even shark fin soup (which looked and tasted very illegal). Then came lots and lots of Chinese alcohol pouring into glass cups that Jongin had to avoid without seeming obvious.

He only needed to down two cups to know the alcohol was strong, possibly stronger than straight up vodka, so it wasn’t long before Suho started giggling hysterically beside Jongin.

The lawyers, Jongdae and Yixing, were there too. Yifan insisted that they drink too, for some reason unbeknownst to Jongin. Perhaps he had assumed Koreans loved drinking from that one time they brought him to the club in London, and he wasn’t entirely wrong on that but he’d picked the wrong night to get Jongin drunk.

When six rolled around, it became clear that the party wasn’t about to end soon.

He had texted Kyungsoo to apologize and though he had told Jongin to take his time, he didn’t want to. What Jongin wanted was to sit down in his hotel room and watch some crappy Hong Kong drama on the TV with Kyungsoo, maybe laugh at the holes in the plot and poke fun at the drama as it unfolded till he fell asleep.

Jongin stopped right in front of the room door, leaning heavily on it. He could hear the TV playing some show. He had no doubt Kyungsoo probably wasn’t watching and might’ve already fallen asleep.

 _God, I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo,_ he sighed. He felt like the worst person alive.

Sliding the key into the lock, he waited for the door to beep before he pressed down on the knob to enter. Jongin already had it open about three inches before he heard a small scream and suddenly, the door slammed shut in his face.

He blinked in surprise, staring at the door for a moment. Did he walk into the wrong room? No, there was only one other room on the floor since it was the master suite and Jongin was pretty sure he took a left turn from the elevator, not the right. Feeling more than just a little puzzled, he knocked on the door hesitantly.

“Kyungsoo? Are you okay?”

He heard a shuffle before Kyungsoo said through the door, “I thought you were gonna be late.”

“I _am_ late,” Jongin replied, frowning. 

“Well… I thought you’d be later,” Kyungsoo said lamely. “I have a surprise for you just— just don’t open the door again till I say so, okay?” Kyungsoo said. Jongin shrugged behind the door though he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to see.

“Okay,” he acquiesced. This was quite a turn of events.

Could the night get any more interesting, or was the Lord going to test his patience again in some way? Jongin prayed it would be something his pounding head could handle; a headache was starting to set in as he waited for Kyungsoo to give him the okay.

After maybe a minute, Kyungsoo cleared his throat and called out, “Okay, you can come in now.” It sounded like he was some distance away from the door.

 _More bizarre by the second_ , Jongin thought. He slid the key into the lock once more, watched the light flash green and opened the door. This time, he was a little more cautious and peeked into the room. The table by the door was devoid of any clutter, and so were the floors. He detected a scent of minty freshness in the air. It looked and smelled like Kyungsoo had been spring cleaning the room in his absence. But where was Kyungsoo?

“Hyung? Are you trying to play hide-and-seek with me?” Jongin laughed, shutting the door behind him. The room was quiet now. He flung his key on the table, placing his suit jacket over the back of a chair just like Kyungsoo told him to so it wouldn’t crumple. He was walking towards the bedroom area around the corner, trying to undo his cuff links before he saw Kyungsoo on the bed.

“Whoa,” he lifted both eyebrows. Jongin stopped at once, gaping like a fish at the bed. His eyes could hardly register what he was looking at.

Kyungsoo was perched upon the centre of the high mattress of the bed, wearing nothing but an open bathrobe and a small, expectant smile on his face. The lights were turned down low, and Kyungsoo practically glowed from within like he had a burning candle inside his smooth, naked body.

A familiar bottle of lube lay near the edge of the bed like an open invitation. Jongin felt his mouth go dry.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo murmured shyly.

Jongin’s hands dropped to his sides. He didn’t know what to say at all. This was better than anything he’d anticipated, sweeter than Kyungsoo cooking him dinner or waiting up for him to come back. This felt like he had found home, and it didn’t have to have four walls and a pool in its backyard. Home was just Kyungsoo being himself in his birthday suit, lounging in bed nude like a lonesome queen.

“Did you… plan this?” Jongin croaked.

Kyungsoo’s smile faltered. “U-um, I only thought of it when I came back to the hotel. You told me to be prepared so I did,” he smiled once more, this time a little nervously.

“Why? Do you hate it? Is it too cliché, too boring—”

Jongin shook his head, words failing him miserably. No, it wasn’t too much of anything at all. There was nothing more and nothing less to it. Everything was perfect, a clean cut ending to his long day— _Kyungsoo_ was perfect.

Jongin climbed onto the bed, reaching for Kyungsoo as gently as he could and kissed him, slow and sweet. “I think I’m in love with you, hyung,” he said softly, reverently. Jongin didn’t know why he felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks but he knew he meant it and the consequences didn’t seem to matter anymore. The truth needed to come out; Jongin wasn’t about to stand in its way.

Kyungsoo froze briefly, then wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck. “Are you… alright, Jongin? You look like you’ve had a long day,” Kyungsoo said, sounding worried for Jongin.

“I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m just… I needed you to hear that,” Jongin pulled away to look into Kyungsoo’s eyes. “You heard me, right? I’m in love with you, hyung,” he said pleadingly, begging Kyungsoo to see that it wasn’t a lie.

Kyungsoo smiled thinly, wiping his tears away. “I heard you, Jongin. Loud and clear.”

“Then do you…? Hyung, is there any chance maybe or if there’s some way—” Jongin couldn’t seem to find the right words to string into a sentence. Tears fell from his cheeks down onto Kyungsoo’s body.

He pressed his forehead to Jongin’s, lips brushing together. “I do. I do, Jongin, I do love you. I always did.”

Those words echoed in Jongin’s head, brought a sweet ache to his chest. He brought their mouths together, tasting the salt of his tears as he laced his hands between Kyungsoo’s fingers.

“I love you, hyung,” he whispered again, afraid he’d never be able to say it enough. He followed Kyungsoo down till he laid onto his back, brushing the bathrobe aside to completely reveal his body.

“Love me, Jongin,” was all Kyungsoo said, looking teary eyed as well.

Jongin’s clothes came off first, the buttons of his shirt and pants coming undone in an instant. He was eager to feel Kyungsoo’s skin against his, to show that he meant what he said. Jongin kissed a trail down to Kyungsoo’s navel, whispering his ardent confession again and again. Kyungsoo sighed breathily, fingers bunching into Jongin’s hair.

He waited patiently when Jongin prepped him, back arching into the mattress with a soft cry. Jongin propped Kyungsoo’s legs over his shoulders once he was done, breathing heavily. It felt like his first time, complete with all its significances that it should’ve came with.

Steadying himself, Jongin pushed into Kyungsoo’s entrance easily then moved, hissing at the tight feeling of being inside Kyungsoo. “You really mean it, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked, voice cracking mid sentence. His face was a wet and blotchy mess from his quiet tears, but Jongin didn’t care. Kyungsoo never looked more beautiful.

“I mean it,” Jongin said between thrusts, “I love you, hyung, I love _you_ ,” Jongin bit each word out.

Kyungsoo came first, seconds before Jongin did. He shuddered on the bed noiselessly, clawing at Jongin and hooking his legs around his waist tightly while he came in spurts. All Jongin could think of in the moment was how right it felt, like he was truly living for the first time ever since Kyungsoo walked into his life, all heart shaped smiles and shy gazes.

The person he was before had died, shed like old snakeskin so the new Jongin could come out, one that was in love with Do Kyungsoo and knew for a fact that if he didn’t have Kyungsoo in his life, he would’ve been nothing but an empty shell of a man. This version of himself, he liked much better too. So much clarity where there was once grey areas. There was no other version he would rather have been tonight because Lord, Kyungsoo found him just in time.


	18. our honeymoon, say you want me too (say you want me too)

Jongin woke first in a daze, the insistent sound of someone knocking on the door startling him awake. He looked down and saw that he had his arms draped over Kyungsoo, their legs tangled underneath the sheets. Kyungsoo was still sound asleep in his arms. He remembered everything that happened last night, everything he said to Kyungsoo before he loved him, truly loved him in the only way Jongin knew how. And looking down upon his sleeping face now, Jongin had no regrets saying the L word first.

He lowered his head to peck Kyungsoo’s cheek before he slowly untangled himself from him to get the door.

Whoever it was at the door was persistent. They kept knocking even though Jongin took at least forty seconds to drag himself out of bed and tug on his boxers hurriedly, remembering to have some sense of decency.

By the time he flung the door aside, Jongin already had a cross expression on his face to greet whoever the early bird motherfucker was.

Said motherfuckers were none other than Sehun and Suho at the door, one looking concerned and the other looking as if he was ready to murder Jongin and stuff his body under the mattress of the hotel bed. Either way, neither of them had received a morning invitation to knock Jongin the fuck out of his sleep. He furrowed his eyebrows at them.

“What?” he said bluntly. Jongin still sounded tired and tried to clear his throat.

“What d’you mean, ‘what’? We’re gonna be here to chill for the next two days, don’t you wanna go out with us and see what Guangzhou has to offer?” Suho asked.

“And did you get some girl up here last night? You look a little…” he wiggled his fingers in Jongin’s general direction. Sehun nodded tersely in agreement. Jongin wasn’t sure what it was supposed to mean exactly, but he guessed there was a good chance he probably looked well fucked.

“Maybe,” he snapped, squinting at the both of them suspiciously. Why did they always have to get so nosy about Jongin’s bed partners? Jongin never wanted to know the gritty details about whomever Suho or Sehun slept with in their free time.

“Look, I had a really long night so I’m not really in the mood to go out with you guys right now, but I’ll call once I get more sleep,” Jongin said, ready to shut the doors in their faces to return to Kyungsoo in bed. He wanted to cuddle up to him for a few more hours and watch him wake up. 

Sehun held the door open with a hand, leaning in to peek into Jongin’s room.

“Did you really call up an escort last night after dinner?” he asked. Jongin stood subtly towards the right, blocking his view of the bed.

“So what if I did?” Jongin replied in a loud voice. He hoped it would wake Kyungsoo up and give him time to hide somewhere if Sehun and Suho suddenly decided to force their way in.

Suho immediately gave him a suspicious look. “Whoa. Did you actually call a girl in? Sehun was thinking of it but we weren’t exactly sure how to search up escorts in the Chinese search engine… Why do China people hate Google?” he said thoughtfully. Meanwhile, Sehun had taken a step into the room and was trying to get a look over Jongin’s shoulder.

“Why are you guys ganging up on me? Don’t go in my room, it’s a fucking mess,” Jongin protested loudly, placing a hand on Sehun’s chest and pushing him backwards when he came too close.

He was wearing a cashmere high neck sweater underneath his long grey coat and squawked at Jongin, swatting painfully at his hand. “Don’t touch me, I’m wearing my new cashmere,” he frowned at Jongin, eyebrows conveying his dismay. Then Suho tried to come in too, and Jongin had to hold the door partially closed to stop him from pushing past. 

“Oh c’mon, Jongin, we just wanna see if the girl’s really hot—”

“And I say don’t fucking come in because it’s my goddamned suite,” he grunted back, trying to shut the door.

Sehun was stronger than he looked and managed to open it wide once more with his shoulder. Jongin had to use himself as a barricade instead and for a few seconds, they pushed against each other till Suho put on a burst of strength and giggled hysterically as he elbowed Jongin aside.

“No, don’t GO IN MY ROOM—” Jongin screamed in a high pitched voice as a final warning, praying to God Kyungsoo had woken up in all the commotion. Sehun and Suho looked around the common area of the room briefly, noting that there was no one in the bathroom before they turned around the corner on the right where the bed was. Jongin quickly rushed after them, already thinking of some kind of excuse as to why he had Kyungsoo in his bed.

When he turned the corner, he found Sehun and Suho just staring at an empty bed in disbelief. There were clothes strewn all over, some belonging to Jongin and some that belonged to Kyungsoo. He swallowed thickly and kept quiet, waiting for his friends to say something.

“Why couldn’t you just say the girl left already?” Sehun asked in a disappointed voice, turning to face Jongin. Sehun had always known if Jongin was lying and he struggled to maintain eye contact with him, stuttering as he thought of a cohesive reply.

“I was… I mean, I told you my room wasn’t cleaned up yet,” was all he managed to say in an indignant voice. Suho sighed, shoulders sagging in disappointment. They walked around the bed, kicking clothes aside and looking left and right as if the non-existent Chinese escort girl would appear if they waited around long enough. Jongin gulped in the corner; he hoped Kyungsoo was securely hidden, wherever he was.

“And I really thought I’d see a hot China girl,” he mumbled, already heading back out towards the door. Jongin threw a glance at the bed; he had no idea where Kyungsoo was. Hopefully he wasn’t hanging out of the window totally naked or trapped in the closet.

“Why is your room so clean on the other side though?” Sehun asked, following after Suho and looking at the other side of the room again. Jongin gave a mental sigh of relief as they slowly headed away from the bed. He could handle it now that he knew Kyungsoo was hidden away safely from their sight. There would be a whole lot of explaining to do if they found Kyungsoo in the nude in Jongin’s bed seconds ago.

“The maid came in while I was out yesterday. I only just messed everything up last night again before I went to bed,” Jongin lied through his teeth.

“Huh,” was Sehun’s smart reply. Suho was already waiting outside the room, engaged in some very serious texting on his phone. “Hey, Yifan just asked me to join him for lunch in a couple hours. Wanna come?” he asked from outside.

“Uh, I’ll pass,” Jongin replied.

Sehun was about to reply Suho when he caught sight of the luggage bags piled near the door. One of them was Jongin’s carry on while the other sitting on top of it belonged to Kyungsoo and it was unzipped, revealing clothes that Jongin had never worn and if there was someone who knew which of Jongin’s clothes were new or old, it was Sehun.

He stopped, giving it a very long side glance that sent shivers down Jongin’s spine _. Shit, this is it_ , he thought, _this is it, he’s gonna ransack the room now and sooner or later he’ll find Kyungsoo._

“Did you… haul in an entire new wardrobe for this trip?” he asked in a low voice, looking at Jongin curiously. Jongin’s breath halted in his chest.

 _Don’t mess it up, don’t mess it up_ , was all he could think of.

 “Well, you know me,” he began, sounding a lot more stable than he felt. “Plus, Chanyeol helped me pick out some new stuff. Nothing big,” Jongin shrugged, trying to come across as casual and nonchalant.

“Hm. Is that so?”

Sehun stared at him for another long second then eyed the bag of clothes again. Jongin stood there motionless, frozen with fear till Sehun gave a huff and walked out of the room, crossing the invisible line from Jongin’s suite to the hallway outside the suite.

The relief Jongin felt right down to his bones was much welcome but it was extremely important not to betray it through his body language. Now _that_ , Sehun would pick up on like a purebred hunter. Jongin just slumped  in what he hoped was a laid-back manner against the door as soon as Sehun was well and truly out of his room, gripping the doorknob tightly in his hand. This time he’d slam it shut without any hesitation if they tried to break in again, the little fuckers. He had to put his foot down as CEO after all.

“So you’ll call?” Suho asked, seemingly unaware of the looks that had just been exchanged between Sehun and Jongin. He was still texting Yifan on his phone with some kind of smile on his face. Jongin dreaded to know why he was smiling; he still wasn’t sure what transpired between Yifan and Suho that one time in Yifan’s home.

“Yeah, I will,” Jongin nodded. Sehun looked like he was already over what just happened and ruffled his hair with his long fingers, a bored expression on his face.

“Right. Looking forward to your call. See ya later,” he said in a dry voice and waved his hand goodbye limply at Jongin.

He stalked towards the elevator while Suho trailed after him distractedly, still staring down at his phone. Jongin watched them drift away cautiously from his room and shut the door once they were six feet away. He distinctly heard Sehun say to Suho as he locked the door, “Can you stop texting him like he’s your fucking boyfriend?” No love lost between Sehun and Yifan then.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin hissed as loud as he dared. Who knew if Sehun and Suho were trying to listen in through the walls or something?

“Hyung, you can come out now, they’ve already left,” he called, going over to the bed to search for Kyungsoo. The room was still empty, the sheets on the bed hastily thrown back on itself. He looked under the bed since it was the most obvious place to check first; no Kyungsoo.

Jongin frowned. “Hyung?” he called once more. There was no way Kyungsoo could’ve hid anywhere else except somewhere around the bed because he’d have to get past the door if he wanted to find a better hiding place. _Maybe hyung is better at hiding than I thought_ , Jongin mused as he went over to the closet. It was the second best place besides under the bed, so when he spotted smooth legs at the bottom of the closet Jongin bent down and tapped him gently.

“Hyung,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo’s head popped out from between the clothes hanging above him, eyes wide.

“They’re really gone?” he asked in a hushed voice. Jongin nodded.

“Oh thank God, Jongin,” he sighed in relief, falling out of the closet and into Jongin’s arms. “Jesus, I thought it was the end of my life _and_ yours.”

Jongin laughed, hugging Kyungsoo. The feeling was mutual on Jongin’s part. Nonetheless, he was glad to find Kyungsoo was safe and sound rather than dangling out of the window. Would’ve been tricky if that were to happen. “They didn’t notice anything suspicious, hyung,” he said just to set him at ease.

“At first I thought you were joking around,” Kyungsoo mumbled into his shoulder, “then I heard Sehun’s voice and just jumped into the closet without thinking.”

Jongin hummed in reply. “It’s still kinda early. Wanna snuggle some more?” he asked, rubbing circles into the small of Kyungsoo’s naked back. He had gone to bed without any clothes on the previous night and was still nude now; though Jongin appreciated it, he pulled Kyungsoo up and onto the bed, sliding right beside him.

Now that Sehun and Suho’s surprise had worn off, Jongin felt shy to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze, tucking the sheets over Kyungsoo’s body a little nervously.

Kyungsoo laughed weakly, shifting closer to Jongin. Suddenly Jongin didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where to place his hands and where to move his legs. Jongin had never said anything as significant as ‘I love you’ to someone and neither had he thought about the morning after he said those words. It was kind of embarrassing too, now that he thought about it.  

“Um,” Jongin started to say after a few moments of silence, looking down at Kyungsoo’s bitten down nails.

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo murmured back encouragingly.

Jongin had to take a few deep breaths to get his thoughts in order before he spoke. “I-I um… Look, about what I said last night—”

“It’s okay if you were drunk last night, Jongin. I can pretend it never happened,” Kyungsoo said immediately.

Jongin looked up at him to protest, meeting his gaze and feeling electric jolt through his body when he realized shit, he was making eye contact and he wasn’t exactly ready to see the seriousness in Kyungsoo’s expression.

“No, that’s not it at all. I wasn’t drunk last night, hyung, I was completely, _totally_ sober. I was just… I just wanted you to know that— that I really meant it, hyung. Like, I wasn’t saying it because of any other reason other than… other than the fact that I meant it. Fuck, you probably don’t get what I’m saying,” Jongin rubbed his hand over his face, sighing heavily. 

Kyungsoo chuckled under his breath, brushing his hand over Jongin’s. “Hey… it’s alright. If you’re saying that you meant it then okay,” he shrugged.

Jongin shook his head.

“No, I mean I really meant it, hyung, I didn’t mean it any other way except I… I really like you, and it feels like I’m falling in love. With _you_ ,” he added, cringing at how cheesy that sounded. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, he wanted it to be more heartfelt and sincere and not seem like a clumsy, teenage confession. Kyungsoo wound his fingers around Jongin’s wrist, laughing at Jongin’s expression.

“Okay, Jongin. I hear you.”

“But what about how _you_ really feel? I-I don’t like, I don’t know how it’s supposed to work—”

“I told you that I always felt that way about you,” Kyungsoo said the solemnity in his voice cutting Jongin off, “And that’s the truth. I just… Well, obviously, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to mess things up. Having you was more than enough; I didn’t need you to say those words.”

Jongin wanted to say that Kyungsoo did in fact need someone to say those words to him; after all he’d been through and all that he’d done _for_ Jongin and _with_ Jongin, it was the least Jongin could offer him. He wished he could say more and do more but he knew Kyungsoo would never let him. Besides, he didn’t know what ‘more’ entailed exactly, but he was willing to find out. He’d do whatever to let Kyungsoo know that he did love him if words failed to convey the depth of his feelings.

“Are you… okay with it?” Kyungsoo asked cautiously.

“Okay with what?” Jongin replied.

“Okay with… what you’re saying to me. You could say that you lo— that you feel the way you feel but it could make you uncomfortable and I don’t want to impose in any way.”

“The only thing you’re imposing on is my heart, hyung. I mean what I said and I’ll show you rather than just say it if you don’t believe me,” Jongin said, squeezing his hand and leaning down to kiss him. He licked at Kyungsoo’s lips gently, feeling bereft when Kyungsoo pulled away to say something.

“Wait, actually I’d rather you didn’t show me anything at all. I don’t expect anything from you, not like that,” Kyungsoo shook his head. Jongin shook his head right back, continuing to kiss him despite their morning breath.

Whether Kyungsoo expected it or not, he wanted to do stuff for him, with him, to him… It was that simple.

-

Jongin was in the shower, water spattering around him noisily when he heard Kyungsoo’s voice exclaim loudly through the door. He stopped with his hands in his wet hair, thinking that maybe Sehun or Suho had broken in again, but it was quiet once more. If it were them then they’d barge into the bathroom with no regard to Jongin’s privacy so he guessed nothing was _that_ wrong. Still, Kyungsoo rarely had any outbursts.

More than just a little concerned, he hurried through his shower and placed a towel over his hair, planning to dry it later outside. Slapping some lotion on his face and body, Jongin exited the bathroom with his boxers and shirt on.

He half expected Kyungsoo to be moaning around the room like some zombie but instead he was standing at the wall, bumping his forehead against it repeatedly while listening to someone on the phone. Jongin stared in bewilderment before grabbing Kyungsoo by the shoulders and pulling him away from the wall, frowning at the red spot on Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“Hyung, what the fuck? Did I do something wrong?” Jongin touched a finger to Kyungsoo’s forehead.

Kyungsoo had a miserable expression on his face, eyes a little teary as he shook his head at Jongin. “No, Luhan, it was just Jongin here. Listen, I gotta call you back—” Kyungsoo stopped midsentence on the phone, digging his fingers into the towel on Jongin’s head and moving it around. Jongin almost purred at the feeling of Kyungsoo’s fingers massaging his scalp.

Luhan must’ve said something upsetting, because Kyungsoo frowned while looking up at Jongin.

“I won’t do that, Luhan, don’t be an idiot. It’s not like that, okay? Just pack up everything and I’ll see what I can do from here,” Kyungsoo said. Then he mumbled a goodbye and hung up, thunking his forehead on Jongin’s chest this time.

“Pack up? Hyung, is something wrong back in Seoul?” Jongin asked, hugging Kyungsoo tightly. He had gotten dressed already since he showered before Jongin did, and he smelled like chamomile.

“Everything is so wrong,” Kyungsoo wailed into Jongin’s chest, “why is my landlord such a dick?” he continued, voice dropping to a mumble. Jongin looked down at him with a frown, pulling back from the hug.

“Did he raise the rent on you again?”

“He,” Kyungsoo sighed heavily, “he threw Luhan out. And me too. He says he can’t wait for the rental fees we still owe him anymore and already has another tenant waiting so he’s kicking us out for real. God, I hate my life,” Kyungsoo covered his eyes with his hands.

“Shit,” Jongin remarked, “shit, hyung. Where are you gonna live now? Does Luhan have some place he can crash with you when we get back?”

“Yeah, he knows a place but it’s only one room and we both have too much stuff so we can’t live in one room together. Christ, I was praying for this not to happen but it did anyway… Why did it have to happen when I’m in China though, this is so shite,” Kyungsoo gritted his teeth, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

 “Then wouldn’t that mean you have no place to live?” Jongin asked, taking Kyungsoo’s hands and bringing him over to the table and chairs. He sat down and looked up at Kyungsoo expectantly, rubbing his thumbs over Kyungsoo’s hands.

“Yeah. I knew my landlord wasn’t a nice man but why did he have to kick us out? I was going to pay him next month when I got my pay…” Kyungsoo groused, trailing off incoherently. Jongin didn’t know why but something about what Kyungsoo said clicked in his head and he blinked slowly, biting his lip.

“Hyung… is this trip the reason why you can’t pay your rent on time?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo was mumbling on and stopped when he heard Jongin’s question.

He raised an eyebrow. “Well… yes. But before you misunderstand, I am perfectly capable of covering two months worth of rent anyway so—”

“Oh God, hyung. Why didn’t you say something?” Jongin furrowed his eyebrows together, pangs of guilt shooting through him like an arrow. “No, you know what, don’t answer that. I know I pretty much forced you here anyway. Jesus Christ, if I had known…” He wouldn’t have dragged Kyungsoo along if he knew it would eat up his rent. Jongin felt like the worst person alive.

“It’s okay, Jongin,” Kyungsoo insisted, “I can pay my bills perfectly fine. It’s just my landlord who’s stirring up trouble at the worst possible time.” He tipped up Jongin’s chin. “Everything’s fine.”

“No, it isn’t, don’t lie to me, hyung,” Jongin said vehemently. He had caused this idiotic mess and he wanted to correct it now.

“Hyung, do you need to go back right away? We’re going back tomorrow morning and it’s going to be tough to work and find a place at the same time,” Jongin said. He could buy Kyungsoo a plane ticket and send him home right away while he still had time; maybe he could find a cheap room in a motel temporarily.

Kyungsoo shook his head before Jongin could finish his sentence. “No, no, it isn’t your place to worry, Jongin. And I know what you’re thinking, but you already bought me a return ticket so it’s— don’t waste money like that.”

At that, Jongin wanted to say more but he held himself back, absolutely sure his next suggestion would anger Kyungsoo from Pluto and back. He watched Kyungsoo sigh heavily and pull up a chair to sit beside Jongin, their hands still laced together.

“I’m just upset that it happened now of all times, t-that’s all. Luhan can hold my stuff till I go back, that won’t be a problem but now I’m just worried about where I’m gonna live, where I’m gonna do my laundry… Everything’s so expensive nowadays and my landlord’s still expecting us to pay up even though he kicked us out.” Kyungsoo worried his lower lip, chewing it anxiously.

Jongin’s heart went out to him. He’d never been kicked out of his own place before but he was pretty sure it wouldn’t feel nice. Where the hell would he keep his toys, for one? It wouldn’t be appropriate to just put them in a plastic bag or something.

However, it took all of Jongin’s courage to _try_ to offer the most obvious and best solution that he could come up with at the moment. In fact, he was a little insulted that Kyungsoo wasn’t mentioning it (he _had_ to have thought of it); honestly, it was right in his face and it also made Jongin wonder if Kyungsoo was somehow ashamed of Jongin.

“Hyung, um…” 

Kyungsoo looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed together in anxiety. Jongin pressed his thumb there, smoothening his frown. “Hyung, can I suggest something?” he asked.

“Hm?”

He didn’t seem to suspect anything; it was a good start. Jongin cleared his throat. “It’s just that… well, you seem to be in need of a place to stay, right?”

“Apparently,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“But guess what, hyung?” Jongin continued brightly. Maybe his optimism would rub off at such a crucial moment, “I know a great place where you can crash for as long as you want.”

At this, Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Jongin. _He’s catching on_ , Jongin thought nervously. “Huh. Didn’t know you knew any places where I can actually afford the rent. Is it worth more than my life, by any chance?” Kyungsoo asked dryly.

“It’s totally free actually,” Jongin said, an extra dose of cheer in his voice. His tone amped Kyungsoo’s suspicions by one hundred percent and his eyes abruptly widened in understanding before Jongin could even say another word. “Oh God, Jongin, no, don’t say it—”

“But think about it—” Jongin tried to protest. Kyungsoo cut him off by placing a finger over his lips, shaking his head frantically.

“No, no. Shut up, Jongin, put it out of your mind right now, alright? Let’s just change the subject before you get any more wild ideas—” Jongin pushed his hand away, grabbing Kyungsoo by the shoulders.

“Hyung, get your shit together. Is it really so hard to digest that your life would be a whole lot easier if you lived with me? It would be temporary only and—”

“Oh no, you said it,” Kyungsoo moaned, covering his face with both hands. He mumbled incoherently into his hands while Jongin rolled his eyes in mild annoyance, standing up to meet Kyungsoo’s level.

“Hyung,” Jongin said pleadingly, “you know I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t think you had any other choice.”

“Oh you _know_ I have other choices, Jongin. You just choose to oversee them,” Kyungsoo said, glaring up at him. Yes, he did know that there were other options and they would most likely include Kyungsoo overworking himself thus allowing him less time to spend with Jongin. Perhaps it was a little selfish of Jongin to push this, but it _was_ a solution nevertheless, and an easy one at that.

“I’m not saying you have to stay with me forever, y’know. Maybe all it’ll take is three days to find a new place,” Jongin said, getting irritated with Kyungsoo’s stubborn streak.

“What if it takes more than that? What if I end up having to stay with you for a month, maybe two? You and I aren’t ready for that,” Kyungsoo pointed out.

“And what makes you think I’ll hate it if you’re around a lot more than usual?” Jongin demanded.

“No, don’t you dare turn it on me. The real question here is whether or not anyone else will notice at some point. God, Jongin, don’t you think it’d be pretty conspicuous if I started going to work with you, finished work and got into your car so you can zoom off in your fancy car to your fancy apartment?” Kyungsoo held out his hands. “I’m not— I’m not some kind of _charity case_.”

That stopped Jongin short.

He pursed his lips, biting down on a reply that he might regret. He didn’t want to fight with Kyungsoo, not so soon after he’d just said that he loved Kyungsoo.

 _Maybe I’ll just step off for now and give him some time_ , Jongin thought. His shoulders slumped and he looked away, pressing a hand to the back of his neck.

Some tension bled out between them. Kyungsoo looked rather sheepish too, couldn’t meet Jongin’s gaze when he said, “Look, this is supposed to be a holiday. Let’s just… not talk about this.”

“And I love you,” Jongin bit out till it sounded like an accusation, “You think I like to see you homeless?” Without looking at Kyungsoo, Jongin twisted on his heel and walked to the bed, picking up his pants from the ground and putting it on.

He heard Kyungsoo follow after him but he didn’t meet his gaze nor acknowledge him in any way. After putting on his pants, he picked up his wallet and phone.

“I’ll be with Suho and Sehun,” he mumbled, walking towards the door.

Kyungsoo tried to say something but Jongin was already out of the door, closing it after him as his heart dropped to his stomach.  Jongin just felt clustered all of a sudden, he needed some air to think and breathe.

He loved Kyungsoo, he really did. He wanted to help Kyungsoo, be the kind of person that he so desperately needed especially at such a time, so why was Kyungsoo being so stubborn about things? Couldn’t he see that it was an effort to show he meant what he said last night and that Kyungsoo was important to him?

 _Unless he thinks I’m treating him like a mistress_ , the thought suddenly occurred to Jongin while he stood at the elevator, pressing the button to go down. If Kyungsoo did think so then well, he was plain wrong. That was downright stupid.

Jongin _could_ see how that might happen but… Kyungsoo was more than just someone he slept with.

 _He would know that, wouldn’t he?_ Jongin thought.

He looked down the hallway where his suite was at the end. The door was still shut and he couldn’t hear anything from outside, though there was probably nothing to hear. It hurt to walk away from Kyungsoo, but the time away from each other after that nasty spat was definitely something they both needed.

 _Maybe loving him isn’t enough_ , Jongin thought grumpily. The elevator dinged. He stepped in, allowing the doors to slide and take him down to the ground floor, away from the one person he supposedly loved. 

When Jongin reached the lobby, he abruptly stopped midstride. It occurred to him that he had no destination to head to now that he had left the hotel room in haste of pride. Looking around for an inkling of inspiration as to where one might go to clear their head (shopping wasn’t an option at this point), his hand slipped into his pocket and clenched around his phone.

 _I could call Sehun_ , he thought. It wasn’t terribly exciting (not to mention anything _but_ therapeutic) to spend time with Suho and Sehun but Jongin did promise he’d give them a ring after all. Maybe he would join them after they were done with their lunch with Yifan. After that little tiff he’d just had with Kyungsoo, he rather preferred a Yifan-less afternoon, thanks very much.

Jongin went over to one of the plush couches set out by the lobby and sat down, dialing Sehun’s number. It rang thrice before he picked up.

“Sehun speaking.”

“Why can’t my friends ever answer the phone with ‘hello’?” Jongin ran his hands in his hair absently.

“Ah, the morning after, hm? I’m still here with Yifan right now, you’ll have to hurry up and talk before he gets me to eat another exotic dish like tiger penis or something,” Sehun audibly shuddered on the other line; despite Jongin’s less than optimistic state of mind it made him laugh.

 “Sounds fun over there. Look, I don’t have anything in mind right now so do you think we could meet up at the hotel once you’re done with Yifan?”

“I’m sure we can fit you in somewhere. Text ya when we’re done. Are you bored in your room right now?” Sehun asked, sounding faintly amused. Jongin wondered if Sehun could tell that he wasn’t exactly feeling very fun right now.

“Yeah, sort of,” he mumbled.

Sehun chuckled in a low voice. “Listen to some Frank Sinatra or something on TV. We might take a little while longer here, an hour tops.”

 _An hour?_ Jongin almost yelled at the top of his voice. Good God, what the fuck was he supposed to do for an entire hour here in the lobby? Join the girls behind the reception counter and check some guests in, maybe earn a small wage for once? Sadly, Jongin was fresh out of options; he had no choice but to wait out the entire hour till Sehun and Suho could entertain him.

“Hello?” Sehun called.

“Yeah, I’m here. Uh, an hour, you said? Works fine with me. See you then,” Jongin cleared his throat. Sehun said goodbye and they both hung up, leaving Jongin to slump into the couch like a boneless sack of skin.

Suddenly he regretted having ever said anything to Kyungsoo a few minutes ago. Would’ve saved him an entire hour of doing nothing here in the lobby, for one. He could’ve been doing something else with Kyungsoo right now, maybe taking a little walk with him down the street.

Jongin sighed heavily, tucking his phone into his pocket. Wishful thinking was exactly that; wishful, intangible thoughts.

Since he had nothing else better to do, Jongin tried to hook his phone up to the hotel lobby’s Wi-Fi first which was the most logical thing to do at this point. It went through but after ten minutes of waiting for the page to load in frustration Jongin gave up. There were too many people with their devices also connected to the Wi-Fi to do any real Internet surfing and if he was honest with himself anyway, he wouldn’t know the first thing to search up.

 _What else then?_ He drummed his fingers on the coffee table before him. The girls at the reception desk were looking at him perhaps a little strangely. Jongin couldn’t tell if it was because he had been seated there way too long or if they were checking him out. Either way, he didn’t care.

Looking down at the coffee table, Jongin suddenly noticed stacks of magazines tucked under the glass surface of the coffee table. _Aha_ , he thought, taking out a few copies. They were all printed in Mandarin, but he could just see them as picture books, if nothing else. Some were interior design magazines, others showcasing innovative cars among the glossy pages and some looked to be travel magazines.

Jongin looked through the magazines slowly, not wanting to hurry through his only source of entertainment in case Sehun and Suho took more than an hour. The interior design magazines were pretty cool, in his opinion. Granite and glass as a theme in a bungalow looked very interesting. Maybe if he ever moved out of his apartment he’d consider designing his own place.

Halfway through his third magazine and looking through pictures of cars he never thought could exist, Jongin didn’t know why but he looked up. He did it without thinking and almost jumped to his feet when he saw Kyungsoo walk out from an elevator, looking rather upset and pale faced. 

 _Shit_ , he thought.

Was he supposed to say hello? Or was he supposed to dive down behind the coffee table and remain out of sight till Kyungsoo left? Or what if lingered around the lobby too? He didn’t know the etiquette for when one wasn’t sure if the other person still loved him or not.

In the end, Jongin sat there frozen, watching in mild fascination as Kyungsoo headed to the reception desk and handed over the key card for safe keeping. When he turned around Jongin stiffened. Kyungsoo was now standing directly in front of Jongin.

But he needn’t have worried after all.

Kyungsoo was as blind as a bat at this time of the day with lots of sunlight pouring in from the glass walls behind Jongin. He squinted at the rays of sunshine, astigmatism kicking in, and held a hand over his eyes. Turning away, Kyungsoo walked right out of the lobby without ever noticing Jongin sitting like a lonely cloud on the couch. 

Talk about an anti-climatic ending. _Maybe I should’ve said something_ , Jongin thought.

If he’d made himself noticeable then perhaps Kyungsoo would’ve gone over and since they were in public, they could’ve talked it over again more calmly. Then things could’ve gone back to normal and he wouldn’t be sitting there in the lobby like a sad fuck. For a moment he was morbidly pleased that Kyungsoo was feeling no better than he did, but then guilt washed it away when he remembered he was the reason why Kyungsoo looked so forlorn. The magazine in his lap suddenly lost all its appeal it had a few seconds prior.

Perhaps Jongin _was_ the callous motherfucker the press thought he was.

-

_‘Just remembered it’s our last night here. Wanna visit the night market?’_

Jongin read the message on his phone in mild confusion, wondering if Kyungsoo had sent it to the wrong person. But it couldn’t be because it was their last night here in China before they’d fly off to Seoul tomorrow morning and well, he had yet to visit the night market Guangzhou was so famous for.

“Who is it?” Sehun asked, biting on his straw. His milkshake was almost gone but there were still black pearls at the bottom of his plastic cup.

“Was it your dad?” Suho butted in as well.  

They had met Jongin around half an hour ago after he’d spent an hour and fifteen minutes altogether to wait for them (he read every single magazine at the coffee table. Every one) Sehun noticed Jongin was ‘morose and mopey’ —as he put it— and to shut them up he lied to them saying that he had had a small argument with his father after they left the suite this morning.

But now, out of all the people who could’ve messaged him, Kyungsoo was asking him if he wanted to visit the night market.

 _Well, sure but…_ Jongin furrowed his eyebrows together. He wasn’t sure if he was more irked by the fact that Kyungsoo was texting him first instead of the other way around or the fact that Kyungsoo had completely bypassed the argument they’d had and he was texting Jongin as if nothing had happened.

In any case, Jongin would never have thought Kyungsoo would’ve made the first move since he knew how closed off and shy he could be.

“Hello?” Sehun called obnoxiously, leaning over to read the message. Jongin pressed the button on the side quickly to lock his phone and looked up at the both of them.

“Yes, it was my dad,” he said with a deep exhale, “he er, wanted to meet me tonight. Should I say yes?”

“Duh, of course you say yes, he’s your dad and at some point you need to face him,” Sehun said, rolling his eyes. He sucked up some pearls into his straw; Jongin secretly prayed he’d choke on one of them.

“He texted _you_ first? Wow, that’s pretty uh,” Suho frowned, “mature. And nice. What a proper gesture.”

Proper indeed. Kyungsoo was more of a man than Jongin was. He commended Kyungsoo for his courage but what the fuck was he supposed to say now and later? Jongin had never been great at apologies; in fact, now that he thought about it, he didn’t think he’d ever truly apologized for anything in his life.

“Okay, so I _should_ say that I will meet him later on. But how do I even get around to saying sorry or like, talk about what we were arguing about?” Jongin asked.

“Well, considering that it’s been quite some time since this morning maybe your dad’s already cooled down. Maybe you don’t even have to talk about it at all,” Suho said.

Jongin had been out for three hours already, following them in and out of fancy boutiques. They had been standing by the sidewalk to finish their drinks before entering H&M when Jongin received the text. He was afraid they’d run into Kyungsoo at some point, but he was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he’d ducked into a small café somewhere. But that didn’t stop Jongin from looking out for a familiar head of dark hair and flawlessly pale skin.

“That’s highly unlikely,” Sehun quipped, “when you argue with someone, it’s either you both ignore each other, or you sweep it under the rug and act all nice when you meet again or someone mans up and reaches out the other first. Obviously, Jongin’s dad is way more mature than Jongin is.”

“Thank you for your support. Wouldn’t know what to do without you,” Jongin said sarcastically. He felt like throwing his mocha away (maybe onto Sehun’s face); his stomach was in knots now thanks to Kyungsoo’s text.

“Maybe you should get a gift for him. Show that you really are sorry,” Suho suggested, sending a condescending look to Sehun. At least one of them was trying to help Jongin.

“But you know him,” Jongin started, before he realized they weren’t talking about the same person, “my dad is who he is. He’s not going to need any apology gift I buy for him. He can afford it too, so what’s the point?” he added the last part just in case.

Suho shrugged. “I think it just solidifies your sincerity in a way,” he said.

He was done with his drink so he looked around and spotted a trash can a few feet away. While he walked off, Sehun was thoughtful, which was not a good sign. It meant he thought Jongin’s predicament was hilarious.

“Maybe a handmade card could work, if you wanna get _really_ sincere,” Sehun said.

“And where would I find materials to make a handmade apology card?” Jongin replied dryly. He wondered how he was still friends with Sehun.

“Buy them, of course. There’s still time, right? Get some magic pens and a nice piece of paper, you know the expensive kind, and draw your apology out. I remember you weren’t all that bad at drawing back in college,” Sehun remarked.  Just because Jongin knew exactly how to draw teddy bear properly didn’t make him the new Picasso. And Sehun was getting off the point.

“Isn’t that what ten year old kids do?” Jongin sighed.

“And you claim to be older than ten?” Sehun looked at him.

Jongin almost punched Sehun, but not before Suho came over all dad-ish, laughing awkwardly to calm them down.

“Never mind what he just said, Jongin, he was just trying to help,” Suho said, eyes pleading Jongin not to cause a scene right here on the streets of Guangzhou. It probably wouldn’t do good things for his reputation now that he was CEO of Accuretta Systems.

“’Trying’ being the operative word,” Jongin growled. Sehun stuck out his tongue snottily.

“Yes, yes… But y’know, in the end it all boils down to what _you_ think is sincere. I think a gift would suffice, maybe like your dad’s favorite Chinese dish or something. Doesn’t have to be something expensive.”

“It could also be handmade,” Sehun chirped. Jongin wanted to murder him.

This wasn’t the sort of apology you could just say in a nonchalant manner like, ‘You know what, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.’ This was more of the kind where you have to tread very lightly and approach things carefully, especially if you appreciated your head upon your shoulders.

“Anyway, are you done with your drink? My brother wanted me to get a few items from H&M and I wanna check out the winter selection,” Suho said, gesturing for him to follow them in.

“Nah, there’s still some left. I’ll meet you guys inside,” Jongin said.

Sehun and Suho proceeded to the main entrance of the store. Sehun had the nerve to hand his now empty cup to the security guard standing by and whizzing past with his nose turned up before the guard could say anything to him. Jongin turned away, needing a moment to himself.

He still had not replied to Kyungsoo yet; what would be the appropriate thing to say? _‘Thank you very much for the invitation, I’d be delighted to join you,’_ Jongin tested it out in his head, then thought better of it. It wasn’t like he was going to text Yifan or his dad. It was just Kyungsoo. Less is more, people always said.

 _Less is more, huh?_ Jongin dug out his phone, bringing up the message again to type out a reply. _It should be succinct, simple and straight to the point_ , he thought.

Just a _yes_ or _okay_ wouldn’t do. ‘ _Sure_ ,’ Jongin typed out first, planning to continue that with something a little more. _Missing you?_ Nah, that would far too cheesy. Perhaps he could insert an emoji, a thumbs up maybe. But Chanyeol used that emoji far too often in the group chat; he had a certain, biased view upon it now. _No emojis_ , Jongin thought.

 _Just words_.

That gave him an idea. All he needed were words. Kyungsoo didn’t expect things from Jongin, never asked him to do things for his sake. All Kyungsoo ever wanted from Jongin was his company and time, and Jongin wanted nothing more but the same from Kyungsoo too.

 _Words. That’s_ all _I need_ , Jongin thought. Everything was a little clearer now. He typed out a reply confidently, then waited for Kyungsoo to respond before he’d enter H&M too. He flung his half full cup of lukewarm mocha into the bin.

His phone pinged after less than a minute of gazing at the setting sun. _‘Okay. See you later.’_

Jongin couldn’t hold back a small smile.

_*_

He knocked on the door of the suite. Jongin couldn’t shake off the sense of déjà vu, standing there waiting for Kyungsoo to open the door and not knowing what to expect. Well, this time he did have an idea. He shifted his weight from foot to foot a little nervously.

Footsteps, and then the door opened, revealing Kyungsoo in his trademark all black outfit. He’d swapped his regular jeans he wore earlier in the day to a pair of black jeans that hugged his supple legs in all the right places. He wasn’t breathtaking and neither did he fall flat, but he was just himself, Kyungsoo, and Jongin loved that about him.

“H-hi,” Kyungsoo stammered, perhaps surprised that Jongin chose to knock on the door instead of walking in on his own.

“Hey. Ready to go, hyung?” Jongin said, swinging his arms back and forth. He didn’t know why he was doing that, he probably looked like an excited monkey.

“Let me just grab my things,” Kyungsoo mumbled, standing back to allow Jongin to enter. Jongin stepped in somewhat cautiously, as if from his abrupt exit hours ago this space no longer belonged to him. It was still clean, perhaps even more so. Jongin wasn’t sure if the balcony doors looked _that_ sparkly the last time he glanced at it.

Kyungsoo disappeared to the bedroom area to get his things, so Jongin went over to the table and chairs where a boiler and two glasses turned upside down sat in the center. He checked to see if there was water and poured some out into a glass, gulping it down all at once. Jongin felt the water trickle its way into him and shrugged his shoulders out. He didn’t want to look or feel tense later on. The atmosphere was awkward enough as it was.

When Kyungsoo emerged from the room with his camera in tow, they left the suite. Kyungsoo took the key card and closed the door after himself, shoving his right hand which was nearer to Jongin into his pocket and holding the key card into the other. Jongin wasn’t sure what it meant, but he supposed Kyungsoo was feeling some distance between them.

But it didn’t matter anyway; Jongin knew what he had to say now, and once the moment was right he would say them. The elevator ride down was relatively quiet, save for the piped in jazz music to fill in the silence. Jongin decided to speak up since it was probably his turn now because Kyungsoo had texted him first.

“So hyung, um… what did you do today?” he asked.

Kyungsoo looked up at him, slightly taken aback by his question. “Just… went out to take some pictures of the city. I got a few good ones.” He smiled, just a quick, shy one.

Jongin stared at his smile in that brief moment, wishing he’d never hurt his feelings in the first place. He’d read somewhere that loving someone meant wanting to see and put a smile on the other’s face every day. Jongin could say without a doubt that he did _not_ like to see a frown on Kyungsoo’s face.

And he would’ve returned Kyungsoo’s smile, but the elevator dinged and halted to slide its doors open on a different floor. Jongin and Kyungsoo moved apart to make space for others. No more was said till they stood at the entrance of the hotel.

“Should we take a taxi there instead of your driver?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yeah, I think he’s probably having his dinner for now,” Jongin nodded. He waved a bellboy over to hail them a taxi, and they stood aside to wait for a taxi just watching people mill in and out of the hotel, back and forth past them on the streets. It felt like they were going out for the first time again, all carefulness and hesitance in every action and word they spoke.

Kyungsoo gasped quietly after minute or two, biting his lip. “Jongin, what about your friends? Won’t they notice?” he asked.

“No, they’re having dinner right now. They would probably be long gone after we come back from the night market,” Jongin informed him. He’d dumped them at five forty-five after he promised to meet Kyungsoo at six, which had left him ample time to walk back to the hotel to pick Kyungsoo up. Knowing his friends, they’d probably pig out and drink a few beers before they’d leave for Seoul.

“Oh. Okay,” Kyungsoo nodded, visibly relaxing. A taxi soon arrived, and Jongin gestured for Kyungsoo to enter first. The bellboy asked Jongin where he was headed and relayed it to the driver, who gruffly nodded and zoomed off at once.

“Hyung, I—” Jongin started. Kyungsoo looked up at him in response. He’d never had the gift of eloquence, especially when it came to talking about feelings in an enclosed space to someone he’d just professed his love to. From the corner of his eye, the taxi driver was glancing at them through the rear view mirror.

“You know, you don’t have to say anything,” Kyungsoo said softly when Jongin failed to speak out his thoughts. He didn’t know where to start even though they were all packed into his head.

“No, I do,” Jongin insisted then went on, “I feel like I shouldn’t have been stubborn and I should’ve respected your decision this afternoon. I’m sorry, hyung,” Jongin said clearly. If the taxi driver could speak or understand Korean then it was all out in the open; Jongin was practically baring his all to the both of them right now.

Kyungsoo looked away, fingers curling into his palm on his knee. “I’m sorry too. For the things I said and the way I said them. It… it wasn’t right,” Kyungsoo’s hand tightened into a fist.

Jongin placed his hand over Kyungsoo’s fist, uncurling it gently to lace their fingers together. The taxi driver wouldn’t be able to see since the partition blocked his view of them from neck and below, and Jongin didn’t turn his body to face Kyungsoo either. It was just a quiet gesture, one to show that he was sorry and also accepted Kyungsoo’s apology. He didn’t want to be on bad terms with him anymore.

“So does that mean we’re friends again?” he asked lightly.

Kyungsoo huffed a laugh, head dropping back against the seat. “Yeah. Friends.”

Jongin kept his hand in Kyungsoo’s the entire trip after that, looking out of the window wistfully. They were driving quite a distance away from the hotel into another area of Guangzhou but Jongin didn’t mind the ride. It calmed him, made his soul settle. He couldn’t tell if it was because Kyungsoo was beside him or if it was the fact that it was their last night there. Now that Jongin was officially CEO, he wouldn’t have too much time on his hands to go on trips like this anymore.

At the night market, after the driver had dropped them off beside a stall selling electronics on a table set out by the road, Jongin paid him off, telling him to keep the change. He’d released Kyungsoo’s hand but when the taxi turned the corner to head back on the main road Jongin wondered if he could get away with holding Kyungsoo’s hand in the streets.

There were lots of people even though they were only at one end of the night market that stretched all the way down a few streets, and no one would notice.

Instead of wondering any further, Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand again and began to walk, surveying the items sold at each stall. Kyungsoo gurgled audibly, trying to pull his hand away but Jongin held on tight. In the end, Kyungsoo gave in and mumbled beside him, “What if people stare at us?”

“Even if they stare it’s not like they know me,” Jongin replied.

It seemed like the stalls at this end were selling mostly inedible items. They’d have to head down the road for food since they both had not eaten yet and Jongin’s stomach was feeling empty since he only picked at a slice of carrot cake for lunch.

“They might recognize you, you know. I’m sure your face is in the newspapers,” Kyungsoo said, picking up a USB drive that looked like a tiny china teapot, except it was made of thick rubber. The stall owner, a woman in her forties wearing far too much makeup, chirruped at them in Mandarin at once, holding up a few fingers.

“You want that?” Jongin asked.

“No, but it’s cute,” Kyungsoo said. Putting it back down, they were about to walk away when the woman waved them back, gesturing vaguely at them and holding up fingers once again.

“Uh, I think she’s haggling with us,” Kyungsoo blinked at her. She kept showing them a thumb and then two fingers. Jongin assumed she meant 62 RMB, which was an okay price for a USB drive that looked like teapot. If anything, it would make a cute souvenir.

“You could get it if you want,” Jongin said to Kyungsoo.

“But I don’t even want it all that much,” Kyungsoo laughed nervously.

“Oh. Then let’s just go on and she’ll probably give up,” Jongin said. They started to walk away once more, but this time the woman stepped forth from behind her stall, waving them to come back again. She kept going on in thick Mandarin that Jongin could hardly grasp and holding up fingers quickly. Kyungsoo tried to shake his head no and smiled weakly, but the woman wouldn’t let them go.

When she picked the USB drive up and pushed it to Kyungsoo, Jongin finally just dug out his wallet and handed some money to her. That placated her at once and she went ‘xie xie’ a few times. Kyungsoo stared at the little teapot in his hand wordlessly.

“She might’ve chased us down the street anyway,” Jongin said, nudging Kyungsoo forward gently.

“T-thanks,” he muttered, putting the teapot in his pocket. “Maybe you can put all the pictures you’ve taken here and put it in there so it’s like a little souvenir,” Jongin smiled.

“I will,” Kyungsoo smiled warmly at him. Jongin’s heart skipped a beat but he didn’t show it. He just looked forward, keeping a hold on Kyungsoo’s hand as they walked past brightly lit stall after stall till the items slowly morphed from inedibles to traditional Chinese food, the smell of burning oil clinging to the warm air.

Jongin’s tummy growled at the sight of the deep fried food heaven; there was fried chicken, fried tofu, fried vegetables in golden clumps, fried squid… He wanted it all for dinner.

“What do you think we should get?” Kyungsoo asked loudly over the chatter of voices around them. Jongin’s mouth was watering; he would’ve eaten a deep fried horse at this point, anything could go.

“Anything you want, I guess. I think I’ll get some chicken,” he said, spying a stall selling seasoned fried chicken. He liked his chicken with seasonings that were popular among the Taiwanese rather than the usual ones from KFC and the like. Apparently, this night market was determined to ruin Jongin’s skin, but he could make an exception tonight.

They bought a selection of food after only ten minutes of walking; Jongin bought his chicken and fries to share with Kyungsoo, while Kyungsoo had bought some dumplings floating in a broth inside a plastic container and a dark, murky dessert at one of the stalls. Since the dessert stall had seats set out, they sat down to enjoy their wares. Jongin didn’t know what they did to their chickens here in China but it sure tasted great in his mouth.

“I think there’s a stall here selling frog porridge,” Kyungsoo said, noticing the stall right beside the dessert stall had a banner with frogs, chickens and rabbit depicted alongside Chinese characters. Jongin laughed hollowly.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that,” he shook his head. Kyungsoo giggled, spooning some of his dessert into his mouth. Jongin wasn’t sure if he’d enjoy what Kyungsoo was having; it looked like red beans cooked into a consistency similar to that of mud. God, the Chinese loved their kooky food.

After some time, Jongin licked off his fingers and wiped them on a free serviette. He had devoured his chicken already, and Kyungsoo was almost done with his dessert that he seemed to enjoy somehow. He would’ve moved on to the fries, but now seemed like an okay time to say something that had been playing on his mind.

“Hyung, where do you plan on living if you don’t want to move in with me?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo licked his lips slowly, looking down at his exotic dessert like it was the most interesting at the night market. “I gave it some thought and um. I called up Luhan to see if he could find any places for me. He got back to me after a while with a few places but they all needed a deposit before I can move in, which I can’t afford since what’s left of last month’s salary will have to go to my landlord...”

“Your ex-landlord, you mean,” Jongin smiled.

One corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth lifted into a quirked smile. “Yeah, him. So I… I really— I mean, what I’ve come to after a few hours of thinking is that, well, if your offer still stands,” Kyungsoo shrugged without looking up at Jongin, “I-I think I might have to move in with you, after all.”

He bit his lower lip before going on. “I wouldn’t push this on you if I had any other choice, y’know, Jongin? It’s just that I had to consider my things, my pictures of you and I can’t just live in some back room because there wouldn’t be much space—”

“I get it,” Jongin said softly, “I see what you’re saying. And my offer still stands, coincidentally enough,” he grinned. Kyungsoo stirred his dessert around with his spoon with a weak smile.

“It’ll only be temporary,” he said under his breath.

“I could charge you a low monthly rate if you want. After all, there’s still water and electricity to think about,” Jongin said playfully.

“How about I cook you lunch and dinner every day, whenever you wanna eat it? Groceries are on me,” Kyungsoo replied, his expression considerably brightened. Jongin thought about it, nodding. “Okay. But please, don’t clean the apartment. I seriously have a maid who comes in to do that.”

Kyungsoo pushed out his lower lip, reluctant upon this subject. “If she doesn’t clean well then… someone has to pick up the slack,” he said, matter-of-fact with a shrug of the shoulders.

Jongin laughed. At least they were finally on the same page about things. He kinda liked the idea of being with Kyungsoo for the most part of the day from now on, and his apartment always seemed a little empty without the loud whirr of the vacuum cleaner and the presence of someone else around.


	19. must be love on the brain that's got me feeling this way

Kyungsoo hummed under his breath, wiping the chest of drawers slowly and carefully, leaving nothing to chance; the handles were wiped down, the corners, the edges of the drawers… Jongin wasn’t sure if he thought this was an apartment or a crime scene.

“Where do you want me to put this?” Jongin asked, holding up Kyungsoo’s giant canvas leaning against the doorframe. It was covered with a discreet cloth and for that Jongin was thankful. It would’ve been typical megalomaniac CEO behavior to have a giant poster of himself in his own apartment.

Kyungsoo turned to look at him, an absent look in his eyes. “Hm?” He stopped wiping the chest of drawers to pause, looking around the room.

“…There, would be alright, I guess. Or here, maybe?” Kyungsoo mused, pointing to the empty space beside him. Jongin made a face, placing a hand on his hip. If they happened to be doing the deed here and the poster was leaning against that spot Kyungsoo was referring to then it would be strange to see a blown up, life sized image of himself staring at him while he fucked Kyungsoo’s ass.

“I think here would be nice. And like this too,” Jongin said. He lifted it up into the room and placed it directly on the right side of the entrance, printed surface inwards. Jongin wasn’t going to admire himself anytime soon, thanks very much. 

“Why not here?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding amused. He dipped the rag cloth in his hands into the small bucket of murky water at his feet.

“It’s your stuff so I don’t mind where it is, but I have a mirror in my bathroom if I want to look at myself,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo nodded understandingly at his response while wringing the cloth dry into the bucket before he returned to wiping the chest of drawers down again. Jongin chose not to comment on that since it had been some time since they were here last and maybe Kyungsoo thought dust was radioactive. Instead, he peeked outside and then popped back in to say, “Hyung, all your stuff is cleared now.”

“Oh, that’s good. It didn’t take all that long, huh?” Kyungsoo replied. Jongin nodded eagerly, waiting for Kyungsoo to get the hint.

He didn’t, at least not for an entire minute.

Well, a bit of prodding never hurt anybody. “Hyung, we should move on to the next topic now… Shall we, say, take a shower together?” Jongin said, dropping down onto the carpet and hugging Kyungsoo’s legs with his hands. Kyungsoo almost fell over from surprise but grabbed the chest of drawers for support just in time to glare at Jongin.

“I haven’t cleaned the room yet. When I’m done and all sweaty, I’ll get in the shower with you,” Kyungsoo said, shooing Jongin away.

“Hyung, you’ve been wiping the drawers for ten minutes now, trust me, there’s no dust on it,” Jongin whined, shoving his hands up Kyungsoo’s jeans to caress his calves. Kyungsoo had lovely legs even though he wasn’t tall; something about its shape and its dips and curves made Jongin’s hands itch for a touch.

“Stop, that tickles,” Kyungsoo laughed, trying to kick Jongin’s hands away. Jongin persisted in having his hands up Kyungsoo’s jeans; after all, there was nothing better to do now that Kyungsoo’s stuff was already arranged nicely into Jongin’s spare room.

Kyungsoo had taken the day off again, claiming he felt too jet lagged to come into the office. The supervisor wasn’t that mindful, so he was free to follow Jongin home in his Rolls Royce and call Luhan up to send Kyungsoo’s things over once they landed this afternoon. Jongin took the day off too (while he could still get away with it) to help Kyungsoo with his things and he had to say, it was a pretty strenuous first day back in Seoul.

He had to push, pull and drag Kyungsoo’s boxes of miscellaneous items and even an extra set of drawers all the way from the lobby downstairs into the spare room for Kyungsoo to arrange everything neatly, just the way he liked it.

But he supposed it was alright if it meant having Kyungsoo for more than just a weekend. Now he could have home cooked meals and the best kind of company. And with all his things in the room now, it was really setting in; Kyungsoo was living with Jongin.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like the ring behind those words.

“Jongin, seriously, you need to stop,” Kyungsoo said in a stern voice. Jongin didn’t stop, since the smile on Kyungsoo’s face told him otherwise. He continued to jam his hands up Kyungsoo’s jeans while Kyungsoo practically danced around and tried to shake Jongin off.

“If I trip, I’ll land on your face,” Kyungsoo threatened.

“Good. That way I can eat your ass out,” Jongin replied cheekily just to tick him off. Kyungsoo gasped loudly and blushed at once, throwing the damp rag cloth on Jongin’s chest. Jongin laughed aloud and flung it aside while Kyungsoo scowled at him.

“You’re so fucking rude, I swear,” Kyungsoo grumbled, trying to walk away. Jongin held onto his jeans tightly like a stubborn child, putting his entire weight down on his grip.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Jongin said. Kyungsoo tried his best to walk, placing one foot slowly in front of the other and dragging Jongin along as he tried to exit the room. Jongin slid across the ground merrily every few inches right behind him. Kyungsoo kept it up for all of fifteen seconds before he gave up in the hallway near the kitchen.

“What do you want from me, Jongin?” Kyungsoo wailed, stomping his feet like he was throwing a tantrum.

It was quite admirable that he managed to do that with Jongin hanging off of the bottom of his jeans like a crab that didn’t want to let go of Kyungsoo.

“I want you to shower with me,” Jongin answered, “and for you to bend over too, if that can be arranged.”

Kyungsoo huffed angrily, trying to shake Jongin off once more. But he didn’t let go because he knew Kyungsoo was close to giving in. What other way to appropriately celebrate them moving in together anyway, since Kyungsoo was averse to anything that involved spending money like going out for dinner?

“Why is sex the only thing on your mind all the time?” Kyungsoo muttered irritably under his breath.

“Because you’re actually here and it’s not the weekend yet,” Jongin bit his lip tantalizingly, “Plus we’re all sweaty and hot now but we could get _sweatier_ in the shower… right?” Jongin asked, smiling up at Kyungsoo innocently. Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at him.

“I can’t believe this is the first thing you want to do with me,” he mumbled.

Jongin chuckled at his reply. “You’ll feed me later though, right?” he asked, just to be sure. The sun was already setting now and he was already feeling a little hungry (for both food and Kyungsoo).

“We have to order take in or have one of your minions get groceries. Or I could go out to get groceries,” Kyungsoo said.

“I only have one minion, don’t be silly,” Jongin scoffed, “and I think we’ll order take in.”

He wasn’t planning on just having a quick shower with Kyungsoo anyway; he didn’t think Kyungsoo would have the energy to clean and cook later on. Jongin kept a sly smile from creeping over his face as Kyungsoo pondered for a moment.

“I guess that’ll be easier, hm? But I’ll stop by the grocery store tomorrow during lunch hour so we can eat in tomorrow night,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin shrugged. Anything was good at this point. After a beat or two, Kyungsoo gestured at Jongin with exaggerated patience. “Can you get up from the ground now?”

“Oh yes,” Jongin clambered to his feet, patting off his trousers. He took off his sweat stained shirt at once to Kyungsoo’s embarrassment, flinging it to the ground. “Can’t you wait till we’re in the bathroom—”

Jongin kissed him hard without any preamble, backing him up by a few steps. Kyungsoo keened in his throat, hands wrapping around Jongin’s neck almost instinctively. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo closer roughly; he loved the feeling of his body pressed against his, their chests, hips, waists and legs aligned as he felt Kyungsoo’s hot breath on his mouth. He wanted more from Kyungsoo, more of everything.

Kyungsoo leaned into Jongin, into the kiss like he couldn’t stand on his own two feet anymore. Jongin lapped at his mouth boldly, tasting green tea on Kyungsoo’s tongue. He felt Kyungsoo shudder against him, his fingers bunching in Jongin’s hair, and he couldn’t resist a small smile.

Though this could’ve been their thousandth time well on their way to an orgasm, he could hardly believe that he still wanted to see him fall apart in his hands, wanted to put his mouth anywhere and everywhere on Kyungsoo; he was glad to see that Kyungsoo still felt the same sentiment towards him too. It made him bite back down on his tongue while he lifted Kyungsoo off the ground and let him wrap his legs around Jongin’s waist.

“Help me with my clothes,” Kyungsoo mumbled. Jongin dragged Kyungsoo’s tee up and over his arms, quietly mesmerized by how every inch of Kyungsoo’s skin was revealed to his gaze. It was like unwrapping a present even though he already knew what it was, but the excitement never grew old for Jongin.

Kyungsoo leaned forward to kiss him, probably out of self-consciousness from the way Jongin was staring at him. Jongin tried his best to make his way to the bathroom with Kyungsoo’s distracting mouth over his. If he could have his way entirely, he’d rather fuck Kyungsoo right against the wall.

It took a bit of stumbling about before Kyungsoo could drop down at the entrance of the bathroom and take off Jongin’s pants for him.

He did it with ease, Jongin noted with an odd sense of pride. Jongin kept his eyes trained on Kyungsoo as he shucked his own jeans aside, eyes averted from Jongin’s gaze for some reason.

Jongin caught his chin and tilted it upwards gently, giving Kyungsoo a chaste kiss. Kyungsoo giggled shyly, holding Jongin’s hand to his neck.

“What are you waiting for? I’m ready for you,” he whispered. Fucking tease, Jongin bit his lip as he allowed Kyungsoo to lead him into the bathroom to stand by the sink.

Jongin hugged him from behind without a moment’s hesitation, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s middle and peppering kisses from Kyungsoo’s hairline to his collarbone. Kyungsoo leaned back on him with a contented sigh, a hand stretching up to grab at Jongin’s hair. Jongin reached for Kyungsoo’s cock and wrapped his hand around the length, listening to Kyungsoo moan softly.

Kyungsoo pressed his ass back on Jongin’s cock when Jongin tugged gently, thumb brushing over the tip.

“Ah— please,” Kyungsoo shuddered, back arching into an elegant curve. Jongin rolled his hips against Kyungsoo’s ass, tugging on his hard cock at the same time. Kyungsoo’s fingers dug into Jongin’s hair almost painfully; he glanced at their reflection in the mirror and bit down on Kyungsoo’s ear at the sight that greeted him.

There was something about Kyungsoo with his eyes shut and naked chest pushed out, nipples hard and begging to be touched. Maybe it was his expression that held nothing back because he didn’t know Jongin was staring at him. He looked alive in a startling way, like a splash of cold water after a nasty hangover.

 _We should do this more right here next time,_ Jongin thought. For all he knew this could be the main reason why the architect behind Jongin’s apartment placed such a gigantic mirror right in the bathroom.

He continued to jerk Kyungsoo off slowly, feeling Kyungsoo’s entire body writhe restlessly on his cock. Kyungsoo sighed with each stroke, sending shivers down Jongin’s spine.

“Do you have lube in that?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo had left a small bag of toiletries by the sink while unpacking and Jongin remembered that he never brought any lube with himself when they were in China.

“Y-yeah, I do,” Kyungsoo mumbled, opening his eyes briefly to reach for the bag shakily with his hands. He unzipped it and pulled out the bottle of lube, handing it to Jongin over his shoulder.

“Since you’re in a hurry,” Jongin grabbed his hips and turned him around roughly. He took the lube out of his hand and uncapped with a flick of his thumb, meeting Kyungsoo’s gaze steadily. “I’ll make this quick for you, hyung.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t take your time,” Kyungsoo mumbled, hands coming up to caress Jongin’s chest and shoulders. Jongin detected the disappointment in his voice and smirked.

“I’m glad you appreciate all I do for you, then,” Jongin pressed a copious amount of cold lube carelessly onto his palm and placed the bottle on the sink, taking a step forward to inch his leg between Kyungsoo’s knees. Kyungsoo closed the distance by wrapping his arm around Jongin’s neck, and Jongin reached behind him to press his fingers tantalizingly at his entrance.

Kyungsoo hooked a leg around Jongin’s thigh with a breathy moan, bending back with his neck exposed like a wanton creature that Jongin could never dream up. “Don’t tease please,” Kyungsoo begged, trying to push back on Jongin’s fingers.

“Relax, hyung, I’ll give you all the attention you can handle,” Jongin said, sucking at a spot on Kyungsoo’s neck.

Jongin was glad it was winter now; Kyungsoo would layer up more than usual and it meant Jongin could leave as many marks as he wanted. No one was ever going to see them but him, just the way he liked it too. 

Heat curled low within Jongin when he fitted the tip of his finger into Kyungsoo a little forcefully. Kyungsoo didn’t really seem to mind the pain of the stretch, seemed to love the burn from the way he tried to lean down on Jongin’s fingers. He caught Kyungsoo’s face by the jaw and kissed him sloppily, tongues moving against each other as Jongin pushed in and out of him. Kyungsoo keened into the kiss, fingers digging into Jongin’s scalp.

Jongin loved the desperation in Kyungsoo’s kisses, like he just couldn’t get enough. He relented by fitting in a second finger into his ass, stretching him open a little wider. Kyungsoo shivered, breaking away to groan loudly.

“Oh Jongin, please, I want you inside me already,” Kyungsoo pleaded.

“I’m not done prepping you,” was all Jongin said with a raised eyebrow. Kyungsoo moved his hips to rub his cock against Jongin’s out of desperation. “You know I’m made of tougher stuff than that,” he replied.

“I do know. But I don’t want to hurt you, not yet when you haven’t asked for it explicitly,” Jongin grinned, unable to resist pressing his fingers a little deeper into him. Kyungsoo hissed, tensing for a moment before he relaxed and took it all in like a champ, using what little space he had to force Jongin’s fingers further into him.

“I don’t remember you being this slow the last time we did this,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“The last time we did this, I told you that I loved you,” Jongin murmured back, rubbing their noses together. His fingers slid back and forth with the softest of squelches; Kyungsoo shuddered at Jongin’s words.

“I-I remember.” Jongin couldn’t help but think Kyungsoo looked beautiful despite the fact that he was starting to look completely wrecked with swollen lips and little red marks across his neck. He certainly didn’t regret admitting to what he felt at the time and was feeling right now as well, a sense of pride and appreciation that they clicked together for some inexplicable reason. Jongin was just glad they got this far without much of a hitch.

“Then give it a minute before I make you feel good,” Jongin growled.

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, crying out as Jongin finally forced two more fingers into him. He had to have felt the pain over all else but if anything, Kyungsoo relished it and only begged for more as Jongin hurried through the prepping process.

“Jongin, Jongin, Jongin, please,” the words tumbled from Kyungsoo’s mouth in a slur. He shoved a hand down between them to tug at Jongin’s cock as well, though he was too messy to do much besides to further arouse Jongin with his open show of lust.

Jongin couldn’t wait to be inside Kyungsoo either, prep be damned if Kyungsoo didn’t care for it at the moment. After a minute or two, he pulled out of Kyungsoo and tugged him along as he moved to the bathtub. They were going to need more space and Jongin couldn’t be distracted by Kyungsoo’s reflection in the mirror.

Kyungsoo stumbled a little while trying to get into the tub and stood aside in a blurred state while Jongin turned on the hot water and plugged the drain hole.

He decided against the scented oil first just in case they got too rough and slipped in the tub (Kyungsoo had only just moved in, no need to risk death just yet). Glancing over at Kyungsoo, Jongin gave him his best smile and pulled him close once more for a kiss.

“Are you gonna make me bend over now, just like you said?” Kyungsoo asked between kisses. Jongin chuckled, nodding.

“Yes, it’d make things move a whole lot faster,” he replied. Kyungsoo took his time with it, stealing a few extra kisses and slipping in his tongue into Jongin’s mouth for a bit before he finally maneuvered around him to stand by the corner of the bathtub.

Kyungsoo threw a mischievous and shy smile on his face as he braced his arms on the flat edge of the bathtub, giving Jongin a full view of Kyungsoo’s ass. It was an excellent view if Jongin said so himself; he moved towards him and stood over Kyungsoo, a hand placed on the small of his back.

“Don’t be gentle with me, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said, stiffening his hands in anticipation.

“I don’t intend to be,” Jongin replied, positioning his cock at Kyungsoo’s puckered entrance. Jongin felt the deep breath Kyungsoo took just before he pushed his way slowly into his tight ass with a grunt.

Perhaps it surprised Kyungsoo, because his choked scream was louder than Jongin ever heard from him, bouncing around the walls and back at them. Kyungsoo felt immensely tighter than before, probably because they hurried through prep but God, it didn’t feel any less pleasurable. Kyungsoo panted when Jongin lazily rutted his hips against his ass, waiting for him to get used to the feeling of being stretched.

“Does it hurt?” Jongin asked, digging his fingers into the dark strands of Kyungsoo’s hair. He moaned before he replied.

“Y-yeah, but—” Jongin slammed a little harder into him, brushing right up his prostrate. Kyungsoo stuttered an _oh_ of surprise but there was no mistake the jolt of pleasure they both felt zinging in their blood. Jongin pulled gently on Kyungsoo’s hair.

“You were saying?” he said.

“F-fuck you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo blushed even as he pushed back slightly on Jongin’s cock. Jongin tightened his grip on Kyungsoo’s hair and he took it as a sign for him to stop and let Jongin move the way he wanted to, thrusting slow and deep into Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo gave a sigh of frustration after a moment when he realized Jongin wasn’t moving fast enough and didn’t seem to plan to speed up anytime soon. “Jongin, hurry, won’t you?”

“You want me to slow down, you want me to hurry up… You’re so demanding, hyung,” Jongin remarked with all the airs of someone commenting on the weather. He continued to move at a slow pace even though all he wanted was to dig his fingers deep into Kyungsoo’s skin and fuck him roughly the way he wanted. But Kyungsoo never made it easy for Jongin to have his way, so why he should he be so accommodating now without a fight?

Jongin gave a particularly hard thrust when Kyungsoo didn’t answer right away and he whimpered. “Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo said in a low voice.

Jongin thought he could do a little better.

“Please what?” he inquired, upping the pace just enough to make Kyungsoo curl his fingers over the edge of the tub.

“Please fuck me harder, deeper, everything, I don’t know! God, Jongin, you know what I want,” Kyungsoo whined. Jongin held back a smile at that, caressing Kyungsoo’s head.

“Not much of a request so much as a demand but if you insist, hyung,” Jongin said to rile him up. But Kyungsoo was beyond caring because as soon as Jongin started moving faster, all he could do was gasp, “Ah, ah, ah,” with each thrust of Jongin’s hips.

The water in the tub soon became choppy from his motion, slopping around the smoothened walls. Jongin could tell it was going to end quickly for Kyungsoo and he didn’t want it to be so easy for him; he slowed down a bit every time Kyungsoo’s moans escalated and sped up once Kyungsoo’s shoulders loosened up.

Kyungsoo sobbed incoherently each time he was denied his orgasm though he said nothing, not till Jongin adjusted himself at one point and started to hit Kyungsoo’s prostate teasingly, nearly brushing it and yet not quite.

He shouted a garbled mess of words with a lot of _fuck_ and _Jongin_ thrown in. “J-Jongin, don’t move like that,” Kyungsoo said, toes curling in the water pooling around his knees.

“Like this, you mean?” Jongin asked, pushing in all the way in and circling his hips roughly around Kyungsoo’s ass. “A-ah— No, no, s-stop!” Kyungsoo all but screamed from how everything was too much and still somehow not enough.

Three hard thrusts later, Kyungsoo finally came with a choked noise, wrapping his legs around Jongin’s behind him. But Jongin was hardly done yet and fucked him that much harder, stretching his orgasm out a little bit longer. Kyungsoo clenched down hard on his cock, so tight Jongin almost considered never pulling out.

“Jongin, come,” Kyungsoo pleaded, voice cracking midsentence.

He came when Kyungsoo turned to look up at him with tear tracks down his face. It was enough to make his hips stutter and come into Kyungsoo’s perky ass, his body shaking from the intensity of his orgasm. He didn’t even realize he was so strung up and tense till all the pressure finally bled out of him, his shoulders going lax. Jongin’s chest rose and fell at a rapid pace, lungs taking in the warm air in the bathroom.

Kyungsoo hung his head low to catch his breath, the water filling up the tub buffering the sudden silence. Jongin released his grip on Kyungsoo’s hair and pulled out first, hands immediately going to Kyungsoo’s waist.

“Hey, you okay, hyung?” he asked. Kyungsoo nodded wearily, laughing in a weak voice.

“T-that was… something,” he noted, turning around to sit on the edge of the tub. Jongin smiled at him.

“You think you can still clean after that?”

“Why not?” Kyungsoo countered, and they both laughed tiredly, sweat glazed over their skin. Jongin got down on his knees and lay limply in the tub, sighing happily. Kyungsoo observed Jongin first then got down to join him, grabbing the bottle of expensive body gel from the shelf hanging over the tub on the way down.

“Can I soap you up?” Kyungsoo asked.

“So soon after such strenuous activity?” Jongin said, leaning back on the slanted wall of the tub. Kyungsoo stretched out beside him, pumping some body gel onto his hand.

“Well, this is technically cleaning, isn’t it? Hm, smells nice,” Kyungsoo sniffed at the clear gel in his hand, and waved it under Jongin’s nose to give him a whiff.

“It’s supposed to be sandalwood and black pepper… whatever that is, anyway. I don’t think it smells really peppery,” Jongin remarked.

Kyungsoo shrugged, rubbing it into a thick lather between his hands with some water. “It smells nice, so that’s the important part, right?” He shifted to sit over Jongin’s thighs, water up to their stomachs now.

He gave Jongin a proper clean up, lathering his arms, chest and nearly to his waist like Jongin was some kind of old, paralyzed dude who couldn’t clean himself and needed a nurse to do all his dirty deeds for him.

 _Though on second thought maybe Nurse Do wouldn’t be such a bad idea_ , Jongin thought. No, it would not be a bad idea at all.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo tutted. “I know that face. You pervert,” Kyungsoo said accusingly as Jongin smiled to himself.

“Oh, I was just wondering how you’d like a career change from clerical work to full-time private nurse. I could let you do all the cleaning and still pay you,” Jongin said with a quirk of an eyebrow. Kyungsoo sent him a threatening look.

“I’m only doing it so you won’t make me soak in here till I get all pruney and too tired to clean the room. Besides, I’ve never even considered going to medical school,” Kyungsoo replied.

“You don’t have to be a med student to impress me. For you, I’d look way past all the paperwork—” Kyungsoo cupped some water and splashed it at Jongin’s face, laughing at him. Jongin flicked water back at him in retaliation with a stifled grin, happy just to see that Kyungsoo was all naked and giggly with him in his apartment.

 _Life can’t get better than this, surely,_ he thought.

“You should stop sucking up to me. You’re the CEO of Accuretta now… There’s no one in the world who wouldn’t give the world to have you spouting crap about them like that,” Kyungsoo cooed, bopping Jongin’s nose gently with his finger.

Jongin groaned in his throat.

“Don’t say that out loud, hyung, I don’t even wanna _think_ about it. Can you imagine the shit ton of work that’s gonna hit me right in the face the minute I step into the building tomorrow?” he complained, kicking his feet and splashing up water all over the bathroom tiles. Kyungsoo gave him a sympathetic look, holding his hand and lacing their fingers together.

Water dripped quietly from their joined hands. “It’s your job though. You need it if you want this lifestyle,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin blinked a few times, thoughts far away. “…That’s true.”

“It’ll be fine, Jongin. It’ll always be fine. Right?” Kyungsoo said with a forced smile and too much enthusiasm in his voice. Jongin appreciated his attempt to cheer him up; there was nothing else he could do but move forward with the company anyway. 

“Yeah, it will be,” Jongin agreed, pulling Kyungsoo gently close to him.

Though Kyungsoo lay on his chest at an awkward angle, Jongin thought he was more comfortable with him than he’d ever been with anyone else, be it a female or a family member. And he knew Kyungsoo wasn’t planning to soak in the tub for too long, but they did have a lot of time on their hands.

*

Jongin looked around the parking lot, feeling like he was in some kind of spy movie as he walked to his Rolls Royce parked at his special spot. He had made Mr. Lee park there a few minutes early before he got off work, and today would be the first day Kyungsoo would try to sneak into his car without anyone seeing him.

When he opened the car door, Mr. Lee turned and gave him a friendly nod. “Evening, sir.”

“Evening. You don’t mind waiting a few minutes more, do you?” Jongin said, getting in quickly. The windows were tinted so he could easy peek out without a problem but that didn’t stop him from worrying about Kyungsoo getting caught or being seen getting into his car.

“Not at all, sir,” Mr. Lee replied from the driver’s seat.

“Good. You remember my friend, Kyungsoo right? He’s coming over today for a er, discussion,” Jongin said nervously, still peering out of the window. People were coming out into the parking lot from the elevators but none of them were Kyungsoo. He wondered if Kyungsoo might’ve wander off into the wrong side of the parking lot and risk more people seeing him milling around like a lost puppy.

“If you say so, sir,” Mr. Lee replied. Jongin was too keyed up to reply.

Admittedly, he was a little twitchier today about Kyungsoo coming over not only because they were doing this for the first time in the parking lot but also thanks to Sehun who said something that made Jongin extra nervous and paranoid for the entire day.

Jongin had entered the office after a hearty breakfast (courtesy of his spanking new roommate) and had hardly expected anything to happen besides a whole lot of work. But of course, fate was never that nice to Jongin; Sehun had been going through Jongin’s expenses for the month (Jongin had no idea why he did that) and had plopped into the seat before Jongin’s desk out of nowhere during his coffee break, waving an invoice in front of his face.

“What is _this_ , Kim Jongin? Says here you bought a round trip flight from Korea to Guangzhou, but you already had a ticket because I personally booked you one on your private jet. You don’t need it unless you had _someone_ flying with you in the dead of night,” Sehun had said, lifting a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

Jongin remembered suspecting that Sehun probably paid regular visits to a salon several times a month; he had looked awfully _perfect_ that afternoon. 

“Why are you going through my expenses in the first place?” Jongin had replied in annoyance to avoid answering the question.

He had snatched the invoice right out of Sehun’s hands and read through it, cursing efficiency’s name. The details were printed out plainly in bold black and white; the truth was in clear sight no matter how Jongin looked at it. There was no way out of this that he could come up with except to think of some ridiculous lie and hope Sehun would swallow it, just like the previous lies he’d spouted to his friend.

“Well, I go through it partly because your dad wants to make sure you’re not spending the company’s profits away willy-nilly, and also to help with the accounts team. Why, was the guest on your private jet someone cute? Someone _important_ to you?” Sehun asked with a sardonic smile on his face.

Jongin never knew Sehun did things to ‘help’ people.

“There was absolutely no one on the plane except for myself, the pilot and the stewardess who placed a blanket over me when I fell asleep like in the advertisements on TV,” Jongin said haughtily in his best high-and-mighty voice. He’d read somewhere that if you could pull off looking like you believed your own lie then it’d come across looking much more truthful.

Sehun just cackled loudly in his seat like Snow White’s stepmother at his reply; Jongin almost expected green smoke to swirl from somewhere behind Sehun’s seat.

“No one’s gonna believe that, Jongin, not even a dumbass,” Sehun drawled. Jongin wondered why his good friends were always either too nosy or borderline evil. There must be some normal people with normal personalities out there that Jongin desperately needed in his life.

“I heard that donkeys are actually smart,” Jongin had replied while pretending to click at something on his computer.

With a glint in his eye, Sehun had proceeded to clamber over Jongin’s glass desk (alarmingly enough to Jongin) and stared right at him, eyeball to eyeball. Jongin sputtered wordlessly, not sure if he should’ve concentrated on saving Sehun or the desk in case it broke.

“Jongin, take my advice; be _very,_ very careful about what you’re doing with your money. Y’know, anyone can guess what kind of activities you’ve been up to with just a glance at records like these,” he said in a nonchalant tone. Jongin had almost shivered in his seat when Sehun said that.

Sehun had then plucked the invoice right out of Jongin’s hands, holding it with his fingers like it was a dirty sock and got off the desk (to Jongin’s relief). Very eerily, he walked backwards out of the office without breaking eye contact and dropped the invoice into the paper shredder outside while Jongin stared on. He didn’t know what the fuck that meant but it sure as hell scared the bejesus out of him.

 _Maybe Sehun’s on to me_ , Jongin thought, chewing his thumbnail nervously in the car. _Maybe he doesn’t know it’s Kyungsoo but he knows it’s_ someone.

Either way, Jongin was dead meat if it ever got out that he was seeing someone, and that someone being _Kyungsoo_ who was a _guy_. Lord only knew what would happen to the company and his potentially dead body. And what would happen to Kyungsoo? Jongin shuddered at the mere thought of it. He was used to living under the scrutiny of the media’s gaze but Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo was hardly someone who would know what to do or say in public.

He’d spent the rest of the day a nervous mess, the minutes ticking past to lead up till now.

Kyungsoo still had yet to appear, and Jongin was starting to get worries. Did he forget their plans? Was he stuck in the office? Or did he forget which floor to stop at? There was no signal down in the parking lot so he couldn’t call him up, and he didn’t want to get out of the car to look for him in fear of missing Kyungsoo somewhere along the way.

“Should I look for him?” Jongin asked Mr. Lee, just to break the thick, suffocating silence inside the car. Music at this point would’ve made him even more nervous, but listening to his thoughts in the quiet made him want to curl in a ball and die as well.

“Perhaps I could look for him, sir, I— There’s your friend, sir,” Mr. Lee suddenly brightened up, pointing at his rearview mirror. Jongin turned to look and saw Kyungsoo ambling over to the Rolls Royce awkwardly. Jongin’s heart leapt in happiness, and he just stopped himself short from kicking the car door open to drag Kyungsoo in.

 _Thank God_ , he thought with a big sigh of relief.

A few cars passed by. With an inconspicuous glance around to make sure no one was looking, Kyungsoo ducked into the Rolls Royce the second the cars drove past and shut the door behind himself.

“Hey,” Jongin said casually.

“H-Hey,” Kyungsoo mumbled back as he settled into his seat. Jongin immediately sensed the unease in his voice and frowned.

He had been too anxious to notice at first but now Jongin could tell Kyungsoo’s cheeks were red even though the lights were dim in the parking lot. Kyungsoo was breathing heavily too, like he had the heaviest of burdens on his shoulders. For a few moments, they stared at one another while Kyungsoo wringed his hands together, avoiding Jongin’s gaze.

“Hyung, did something happen?” Jongin finally asked.

Kyungsoo nodded at first, then shook his head furiously. He looked damned close to crying and tugged his scarf off his neck frantically as if he couldn’t wait to get it off and flung it on the seat beside him, pressing his hands to his face.

“Kyungsoo? Hyung? What happened?” Jongin asked out of concern. Kyungsoo’s behavior put him right back into an anxious state; his mixed signals didn’t help much either. 

He moved over to sit beside Kyungsoo just as Mr. Lee pulled out of the parking lot, seemingly oblivious to what was happening in the backseat.

“N-nothing, I just,” Kyungsoo took several deep breaths before he could continue. Jongin, unsure of what else to do, patted him on the back lightly. He was clueless on how to deal with a panicky, anxious as fuck Kyungsoo. In fact, he’d never seen him this way and it scared him; what the actual fuck happened? Wasn’t it supposed to be just a short walk from the elevator to the car?

“Are you fine? Did you hurt yourself somewhere?” Jongin asked.

He just shook his head. “No, I-I’m fine. I’ll tell you when we’re— when we’re alone,” Kyungsoo hiccupped, glancing at Mr. Lee. He started to hyperventilate right after he said that and Jongin instantly wrapped his arms around him to calm Kyungsoo down, hushing him gently.

Kyungsoo didn’t make any noises as Mr. Lee took them back to the apartment but Jongin could feel hot tears soaking through his coat while Kyungsoo gripped him tightly. It was like holding a scared child in his arms except Kyungsoo was more far more precious and just as fragile as one.

Inside, Jongin was burning to know what had happened or maybe _who_ had happened to Kyungsoo but he bit down on his tongue each time a fresh wave of tears wracked Kyungsoo’s body. It’d probably take a while for Kyungsoo to calm down enough to talk about it, and the last thing he wanted was to rehash it all way too early.

When the car stopped at the entrance of Jongin’s apartment building, Kyungsoo had calmed down some though he was still hiccupping and looked terribly pale.

Picking up Kyungsoo’s scarf, Jongin silently led him out of the car and into the building at once. He didn’t let go of Kyungsoo till they were at the front door and he had to let go of his arm to unlock the door. Jongin practically felt the tension bleed out of Kyungsoo the second he entered the apartment, sinking onto the sofa with a sigh.

“Hyung, what’s wrong? Tell me so I know who to fire,” Jongin said, going down on his knees on the ground and placing his scarf into his hands. Kyungsoo placed it aside and took Jongin’s hands, which was a good sign.

“Nothing _illegal_ happened,” Kyungsoo said, wiping his nose and sniffling loudly.

“But something did happen,” Jongin guessed. Of course something must’ve happened, something big enough to shake Kyungsoo up. Less than twenty-four hours ago Jongin had been admiring the curve of Kyungsoo’s back while he slept and realized that Kyungsoo was stronger than either of them ever gave himself credit for, and now this? Jongin refused to believe it was something trivial when it came to Kyungsoo and his tears.

Kyungsoo swallowed thickly, looking away from Jongin. “You want a drink first? Some warm water maybe?” Jongin asked, trying to be helpful. Tears were made of water, and water was essential to the human body… right?

Kyungsoo nodded numbly, and Jongin left him to take a moment and gather his thoughts. He shrugged his coat off and left on one of the chairs in the kitchen, hurrying around the counter to grab a mug.

A minute later, and he had warm water from the filter ready to go for Kyungsoo. He padded over to where Kyungsoo was and handed the mug to him, watching him sip at the water tentatively. Kyungsoo didn’t meet his gaze, which infuriated Jongin. He could never tell what Kyungsoo was thinking of, especially at times like these. If something that wasn’t illegal happened, then how did Kyungsoo end up? How bad could this shit actually be?

“I…” Kyungsoo started, then faltered. Jongin didn’t prod him to go on and instead, swung his arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulder and held him close.

“It was Hyunsik,” Kyungsoo sniffled.

The name didn’t ring a bell, but Jongin already had an intense dislike for whoever this Hyunsik character was. “What about him?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo sighed. “Hyunsik is… this guy from the office,” he shrugged, “He talks to me sometimes as a friend and he’s nice but we were never that close. I— So I was about to head down to the parking lot just now and I got off on the wrong floor. I thought I’d just walk one floor down since it wasn’t that far away and then Hyunsik spotted me from his car. He knows I take the bus all the time so I think he guessed that something was up today.

“At first, he just called out to me and said hi. I stopped because I didn’t want to look too conspicuous and chatted with him for a bit, when he suddenly asked me to join him for dinner.”

Jongin thought his heart stopped beating at that moment.

“And?” he said in a hollow voice.

“I declined politely, of course. Like I said, we were never that close and I wasn’t comfortable eating with him because I hardly knew the guy but he kept insisting on it and asking if I was seeing someone. I told him that I wasn’t seeing someone, and that I was just tired but he didn’t buy it at all, he saw right through me and said, ‘Yes, you are. You’re dating some guy, aren’t you?’”

Both Jongin and Kyungsoo had to stop at that briefly.

 _Shit_ , was all Jongin could think of. _Shit, Jesus fucking Christ for fuck’s sake._

“Hyung, does he…?”

Kyungsoo shook his head at once, sipping at his water again. “I didn’t say anything. I was too stunned that he knew and he read it on my face but that wasn’t— that wasn’t the worst part,” Kyungsoo voice dropped low to a raspy husk.

“He said, ‘I knew you were gay, it’s written all over your face,’ and he had this… _smile_ on his face, the kind of victorious smile that people get when they’ve won at something in more ways than one. I told him that I needed to go after that, but he stopped me from walking away, and that was when he told me he was gay too.

“I told him I wasn’t interested again, but he didn’t want to let go. He got angry when I said no and kept saying, ‘Why can’t you just go out on one date with me? We’re both gay and you obviously want the attention.’” Kyungsoo leaned into Jongin.

“This is horrible,” Jongin whispered, unable to think of anything else to say.

“I-I don’t know. Then he went on and yelled about me being unfair and acting like I had a hot pole of denial up my ass. That I could take because I could tell myself that he was probably just angry at being rejected but then he,” Jongin could hardly hear Kyungsoo’s next words, “pushed me to the ground and I _almost hit a car_.”

Jongin stared down at Kyungsoo with wide eyes.

“Hyung…” What kind of person did that?

“I-I’m fine, Jongin, I was about two inches away from the car when I went down. It was a close call and Hyunsik looked like he couldn’t believe he did that either. I didn’t even expect that sort of behavior out of him too, he was never violent or— or volatile…

“Then he snapped out of it, just got into his car really quick and drove off, shouting some other stuff at me that I don’t think I care to repeat,” Kyungsoo mumbled. 

Jongin ran a hand through his hair. “God, Kyungsoo…” It just had to happen the minute Jongin let him out of his sight.

“I’m sorry, Jongin, I—”

“Why are you sorry, it wasn’t your fucking fault some idiot pushed you down in the middle of a parking lot. And in broad daylight, no less! He’s some kind of guy, your Hyunsik,” Jongin scrubbed at his eyes, already running through the options on how to get rid of this guy. Murder seemed appropriate at that moment.

He was going to flame the fucker’s ass first thing tomorrow morning if it was the last thing he’d ever do as CEO of Accuretta Systems. No doubt there’d be security footage somewhere and he could easily implicate Hyunsik as a danger to other employees in the company.

Jongin wanted him out of the company and out of a damned job before he could ever another finger on Kyungsoo again—

“Jongin, don’t fire him,” Kyungsoo shook his head.

“ _Don’t_ fire him? Hyung, if it wasn’t you, I’d still bring this guy up to my office and question him about why the fuck he thinks he can push people around like some bully playing in a sandbox. He is a health hazard and safety hazard wrapped in one, and we don’t need guys like him in the company. We can get someone else to come in, I’m sure.”

“But he’s gonna think it’s my fault and that I reported it,” Kyungsoo croaked.

“No, he won’t. I’ll pull up the security footage and just say security guards caught it on tape while they were on shift. Don’t worry hyung, I’m not gonna let you go down with this guy,” Jongin said reassuringly. Kyungsoo didn’t seem all that reassured as he fidgeted in his seat.

“No more buts, hyung. Let me take it from here. Just… Just be safe, hyung. There’d two dead bodies if something like this happens again, God forbid,” Jongin said, hugging Kyungsoo to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo whispered.

“I’m sorry this happened to you too,” Jongin murmured. “Maybe if we’d have come up with a better plan, and we could’ve averted all of this.”

Kyungsoo hummed into Jongin’s shoulder in response. They settled into the couch, and Jongin suspected Kyungsoo was now drained from the crying fest in the car. _I’ll let him sit for a minute and then I’ll bring him to bed for a nap_ , Jongin thought.

Dinner could be easily arranged through takeout; _jajangmyeon_ or fried chicken would do just fine. Jongin just wanted Kyungsoo to feel safe and normal again before he came close to knives and hot stoves.

As they sat quietly and Kyungsoo slowly nodded off on Jongin’s chest, Jongin was once again reminded of how much he did care for Kyungsoo. It’d be stupid for him to deny that he had no emotional feelings for him or attachments, or whatever people wanted to call it. He admired him, felt for him, cried for him (on the inside), wanted to care for him, and all that jazz.

It was love, as cheesy as it sounded; Jongin knew it was. Only love could make him hurt for Kyungsoo this way.

About half an hour passed before Jongin decided he’d carry Kyungsoo to bed. He was worn out from crying and shaking so hard (Jongin would know, he’d seen his sisters experience similar things when they were going through PMS); Jongin would let him rest in bed and only wake him after their takeout dinner arrived.

Jongin picked Kyungsoo up with some difficulty at first, trying not to jostle him as much as possible. Kyungsoo shifted along the way, and Jongin almost dropped him but he managed to speed walk to the bedroom and place Kyungsoo on the bed without waking him up.

It took a minute for Jongin to realize that he was dumb and should’ve thrown back the covers so he could tuck Kyungsoo in. Looking around for a temporary solution, Jongin ran out to grab the only warmest things he had on hand; the scarf on the couch and his coat. He returned to throw them over Kyungsoo, and was so engrossed in draping the scarf over Kyungsoo’s shoulders Jongin almost jumped when Kyungsoo suddenly mumbled, “I think it was a sign.”

Jongin paused, before he continued to tuck the scarf over Kyungsoo. “What is?” he asked.

“Today. I thought I was going to die, Luhan, and you know how you always talk about signs?” Kyungsoo continued. Only then did it occur to Jongin that Kyungsoo was sleep talking, something Kyungsoo had never done in his presence before. But Kyungsoo wasn’t done even though Jongin kept quiet in case he woke Kyungsoo by accident.

“I thought it was a sign as I fell, y’know. Like if I die from this then I know what the universe is telling me; Jongin isn’t mine to have,” Kyungsoo enunciated the words like he was perfectly awake.

 “But I love him, Luhan,” Kyungsoo said, tears trickling out from under his closed eyelids. Kyungsoo reached for the scarf over his shoulder and pulled it close, shrinking into a lump beneath the layers.

Jongin didn’t know what to say (didn’t even know he was supposed to say anything at this point) and kept mum. What the fuck was he supposed to say anyway? _Cool, hyung, love you too?_

But Jongin couldn’t deny that he was curious about where this dream conversation might go. Kyungsoo had never brought this sort of topic up with Jongin for obvious reasons.

After he finished tucking Kyungsoo in, Jongin said in his best Luhan voice, “I know you do.”

He didn’t sound very convincing, but Kyungsoo didn’t seem to realize he was not talking to Luhan in his dream state and went on, “Still, Luhan, I’m alive. That in itself is a sign, isn’t it? And no matter what I do, I’m no good without Jongin. I love him, Luhan, I really do… I don’t— I never want him to stop loving me, Luhan. Am I selfish for wanting that?” he sounded petulant, as if he’d done something wrong and still wanted a gift.

 _Ah_. Jongin didn’t need to pretend to be Luhan to answer that.

“No, you’re not. Don’t ever think that you are,” he patted Kyungsoo’s shoulder for extra measure. He hoped Kyungsoo could somehow register that it was him and not Luhan. In no way at all was Kyungsoo being selfish.

His answer seemed to settle Kyungsoo, and he fell silent with a satisfied sigh. Soon, his breathing slowed and Jongin neither heard nor said anything else more.  

_-_

It was almost eight p.m., way past dinnertime and approaching supper time when Jongin finally had everything ready and shook Kyungsoo awake. Kyungsoo cracked an eyelid open with a loud groan, frowning as he looked around.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo murmured.

“Tis I,” Jongin replied in a grand voice, two plastic bowls of _jajangmyeon_ in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other. After all, that was all they really needed to end a long day of work, didn’t they? Especially Kyungsoo, of all people. Though Jongin knew this wasn’t exactly breakfast-in-bed (his maid could probably do a better job), he thought it counted if he tried to serve Kyungsoo a meal in bed.

Fortunately for him, Kyungsoo smiled sleepily and reached for the _jajangmyeon_ almost instinctively.

“Are we allowed to eat in the bedroom?” he asked in a thick, sleep-muffled voice.

“It’s our bedroom, we get to do whatever we want,” Jongin wiggled his eyebrows at him. Kyungsoo seemed to be over the ordeal, or at least not shaking because of it as he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. He also didn’t seem to remember what he’d said while he was asleep and Jongin chose to let it slide if Kyungsoo never brought it up.

 _It’s not like he just confessed to me that he’d killed a man or something_ , Jongin figured. If anything, it was possibly the sweetest thing Kyungsoo ever said to him.

Kyungsoo unwrapped the jajangmyeon carefully while Jongin popped the red wine, taking a large swig from it.

“No glasses?” Kyungsoo asked, squashing the plastic wrappers into a ball. He snapped the wooden chopsticks blearily, and Jongin couldn’t help but think of how Kyungsoo looked like a hobo with his messed up, slept in hair and wooden chopsticks in hand, poised to stab the _jajangmyeon_ to death.

 _A cute hobo_ , Jongin corrected himself. A cute hobo who loved Jongin and whom Jongin loved back as well. Yes, that sounded a thousand times better already.

“No glasses because where would we put them?” Jongin replied, a beat too late.

“What if I drink too much at once?” Kyungsoo, exchanging the chopsticks in his hand for the wine bottle. Jongin balanced the bowl of jajangmyeon on a stable spot on the mattress and started to mix the dark sauce around with the noodles.

“Well, you’re already in bed so you can just lay down and sleep it off if you’ve had too much wine,” Jongin replied.

Kyungsoo stared at the label on the bottle for a few seconds before he gulped some down tentatively. “I think Luhan likes the wine. It looks familiar,” Kyungsoo remarked, tucking the bottle under his arm and reaching for his _jajangmyeon_.

“No hyung, take mine,” Jongin said, shoving his already mixed up _jajangmyeon_ to Kyungsoo. He stopped to stare hard at Jongin, squinting at him like Jongin was something he’d found in the toilet bowl.

“What?”

“You’re awfully nice,” Kyungsoo said, taking the bowl away from Jongin.

Jongin laughed, taking the second bowl of _jajangmyeon_ to mix it up. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve just been through a traumatic experience. It’d be weird if I made you cook dinner for me.”

Kyungsoo slurped on the noodles noisily, using the chopsticks to shove them all into his mouth. Jongin glanced at him while he ate; he didn’t think anyone besides Chanyeol could fit that much of _jajangmyeon_ into his mouth at one go. Kyungsoo must’ve swallowed at least half of his portion before he cleared his throat and said, “Cooking dinner was supposed to be my way of paying you back for letting me stay in your apartment.”

“Well, you can take a raincheck on that and make up for it tomorrow or something. Make me something really good, like _jjambbong_ or _bulgogi_.”

“I don’t have a _bulgogi_ budget,” Kyungsoo replied, and promptly shoved more _jajangmyeon_ into his mouth.

Jongin thought that love must be clouding his mind, because for some odd reason he didn’t find it disgusting at all that Kyungsoo could do that. In fact, it was almost endearing.

 _Gross_ , Jongin scowled inwardly at himself.

How much more besotted could he be with this fragile, jajangmyeon-inhaling, messy-haired creature sitting less than half a meter across him? Kyungsoo made loud slurping noises that would’ve put Chanyeol’s slurping game to shame.

Apparently, his heart thought it could make more space for Kyungsoo even though he occupied quite a bit of it already.

 _Time for more wine_ , Jongin thought to himself, grabbing the wine bottle from Kyungsoo to gulp as much as he could down his throat. It was scary to think how much Kyungsoo mattered to him in only just a few short months. He couldn’t believe he was falling this hard and this fast in love with Kyungsoo. It was like Alice falling into the rabbit hole with nothing to halt the fall and with no knowledge of what would happen upon landing at the bottom, because really, there had to be a bottom, right?

Staring at Kyungsoo, Jongin doubted it. He didn’t think there would be a time where he’d stop loving Kyungsoo, like sometime during his teenage years when his respect and love for his father somehow grew cold and became intense dislike.

This, all of it, felt like a fire that could burn through the entire night on a cold winter.

“Where did you order this _jajangmyeon_ from, it’s _so_ good,” Kyungsoo gushed.

“I memorized the number from when I was in college and had to stay alive on the exact same diet. ‘Course the wine was shittier,” Jongin smiled, voice betraying nothing of his thoughts. Keep the conversation light, he told himself. Kyungsoo didn’t need two ground-breaking revelations in one evening, not tonight. 

“I bet all you did was get drunk in college,” Kyungsoo said, stretching out a foot to toe at Jongin’s knee.

“Excuse me, but I was perfectly sober when I had to take my finals. And during semester breaks too,” Jongin said huffily. Kyungsoo gave Jongin a crooked smile, scraping the last of his _jajangmyeon_ in the bowl into a sticky puddle. Jongin had only eaten about a third of it thus far.

“I wish I’d met you when we were in college. I would’ve loved to see Kim Jongin, heir to the throne upon which his father was king, getting wasted like some drunkard.”

“You should’ve stopped by when we had frat parties. It was an open campus so anyone could’ve walked in, really,” Jongin said, chomping on his _noodles_. Better company certainly made for better taste in food; Jongin couldn’t quite recall _jajangmyeon_ tasting this good when he was with the guys, eating out late at night and daring each other to do the craziest things they could think of.

“You called me a drunkard the first time we met, hyung,” Jongin suddenly remembered while trying to think of the last time he got _really_ drunk. He supposed it must’ve been the time when he found out he was going to be his father’s replacement and got Kyungsoo all worried.

“I did,” Kyungsoo said with a bright smile. “I also sort of expected you to get drunk way more often than you have so far,” Kyungsoo remarked, taking the wine from Jongin and swallowing a few mouthfuls.

“Well, I have every reason to stay sober now, don’t I?” Jongin lifted an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. He blushed, looking down at his now empty bowl.

“The company’s a really good reason to stay sober,” he mumbled, drinking more red wine.

Jongin resisted the urge to tip it forwards and perhaps make Kyungsoo drink a little more. He was starting to look flushed, and Jongin liked to think it lent Kyungsoo a healthy glow to his otherwise pale complexion. He looked like a beaming cupid angel now, acting shy and avoiding Jongin’s gaze like this was a new level of intimacy for them.

“It is, but it’s only one of the two reasons why I like to stay in my right mind these days. Unless you’re interested in some drunk sex in a minute?” Jongin unfolded his legs, spreading them wide open. Kyungsoo kicked out with his foot dangerously close to Jongin’s crotch area, but he knew he had Kyungsoo thinking about it already, from the way he blushed.

“I don’t want drunk sex,” Kyungsoo growled.

“You look interested,” Jongin commented

“NO, I’M NOT.”

Jongin didn’t say anything, but he knew Kyungsoo definitely was interested. What kind of person didn’t like drunk sex where everything was ten times clumsier, noisier and also more pleasurable in a way? Jongin always found that he came faster when he was drunk.

“I don’t like drunk sex because what if you puke on me halfway?” Kyungsoo said, answering Jongin’s unspoken question.

“If I puked it wouldn’t be through my mouth, maybe somewhere lower,” Jongin gestured towards his crotch. Kyungsoo held up a fist threateningly and Jongin stopped, but he couldn’t resist a smile.

Kyungsoo smiled back reluctantly after a few seconds, and handed the wine bottle to Jongin.

“Let’s finish this bottle then,” he said.

Jongin could hardly believe his luck. Maybe it was something in the air or in the food, but suddenly it was of utmost importance that the jajangmyeon and wine were gone in five minutes or less. He’d do anything to make Kyungsoo feel back to normal again.


	20. this whiskey got me feeling pretty (so pardon if I'm impolite)

“Damn,” Kyungsoo remarked, reading from the newspaper before him.

“What?” Jongin said, voice muffled from the food in his mouth.

“Says here the economy might collapse,” Kyungsoo pointed at an article, reading seriously. He didn’t make anything special today as it was a Thursday night and there was almost nothing left to eat in the fridge; Kyungsoo had just toasted some bagels with tuna spread from a can. It was good enough for Jongin though. Good enough that he almost didn’t catch what Kyungsoo said.

“Really?  Or is it just speculation?” Jongin asked, taking another bite from his bagel.

Some crumbs flew down and landed on Kyungsoo’s newspaper, and Kyungsoo looked up with an amusedly exasperated look. “I swear, Jongin, you eat like a chicken,” he laughed, dusting the crumbs into his hands and shaking them onto his plate of untouched bagels.

“I did ask you to feed me but you refused,” Jongin said huffily, chewing on his bagel with difficulty. Kyungsoo shook his head silently with a smile, continuing to read from his newspaper.

“Anyway, the US dollar is dropping in value, about 0.69% from last week. Not exactly a sign that the economy is just gonna crash but other currencies are expected to drop soon too, including the Korean Won,” Kyungsoo informed Jongin.

He scanned through the rest of the article with a finger; Jongin was never one for the newspapers since he could get the latest news online without getting his fingers black from the ink of the newspaper. But it fitted Kyungsoo’s aesthetic just fine, so who was Jongin to complain when Kyungsoo read to him? It was Day 15 (not that Jongin was counting) of Kyungsoo living in his apartment even though he insisted he wouldn’t be here for more than a week, and frankly, he loved it.

“Currencies fall and rise all the time,” Jongin shrugged, though he made a mental note about that. Perhaps he could cut his costs or make a profit, one never knew when it came to the economic situation of the world.

Jongin set his plate down on the counter while Kyungsoo swung his legs absently, reading the newspaper. He went over to the fridge looking for some juice, but to his surprise, there was none.

Jongin frowned. _Pretty sure there were two boxes right there in the corner on Monday…_

“Are you looking for juice? ‘Cause I just threw out the last box this morning,” Kyungsoo said, looking up at Jongin.

“Gow ‘m I jubose to jervibe?” Jongin mumbled, chewing furiously on his bagel. It tasted good, made with Kyungsoo’s love and all, but God, the hard texture of the bagel was like swallowing a rock without any liquid. Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow questioningly at Jongin, finally taking a bite from his own bagel too.

It took Jongin a moment to swallow before he could repeat himself clearly. “How am I supposed to survive?”

“I could run down to the convenience store while you eat, it’s no problem,” Kyungsoo offered, sitting up straight in his seat. Jongin shook his head, returning to where he was standing by the counter a few seconds ago.

“No, I can just get some water.”

“But now that I think about it, since we have nothing else to do and nothing left to eat maybe I can just stock up for the coming weekend,” Kyungsoo suggested.

Jongin blinked at him. After a while he asked bluntly, “Can I come?”

Kyungsoo looked puzzled. “Sure, except the last time I got groceries with you, you looked pretty confused by it all…”

Jongin pretended to look wounded, placing a hand over his heart. “Don’t you want me to come along?” he asked in a petulant, childish voice. Kyungsoo was slightly taken aback by the sudden pity show and laughed lightly.

“After I finish this bagel then. It’s gonna be cold though so you should get changed,” Kyungsoo lifted his eyebrows pointedly.

Jongin smirked playfully, going over to him and throwing his arms over Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “You can’t keep me away even if you wanted to, hyung,” he said, and buried his nose into Kyungsoo’s hair. Kyungsoo rumbled with silent laughter, hands going around awkwardly to pat at Jongin.

This was probably Jongin’s favourite part about living with Kyungsoo; every trying day after work, there was always enough time for them to snuggle and just be close to one another like any normal couple would. Of course, Jongin was inclined to think that they weren’t like most couples who could date freely, but it also made their time together that much more meaningful. Even if that made him sound a gross sappy guy in love.

When he found a nice position to lean forward on Kyungsoo with his chin resting on his head, arms draped over Kyungsoo’s front, Kyungsoo said thoughtfully, “We should make a list first, so we won’t forget anything.” 

“Sure, why not?” Jongin mumbled. He loved the smell of Kyungsoo’s shampoo; it reminded him of the baby bath gel he used to bathe with when he was a kid.

“Do you have a pen somewhere, Jongin, then I can just scribble it down here on the newspaper,” Kyungsoo said, looking around.

“No hyung, just tell me now, because I don’t want to move,” Jongin said tonelessly. Kyungsoo laughed, trying to look up at him. Jongin hunched up his shoulders, trying not to let Kyungsoo move.

“You’re so ridiculous sometimes, Jongin… Alright then, juice, milk, eggs, bagels—”

“Juice, milk, eggs, bagels,” Jongin repeated, almost lisping the last two words. Kyungsoo was quiet for a moment before he went on, “Readymade kimchi, pork, vegetables…”

“Juice, milk, eggs… And um, bagels, kimchi, pork, veggies… What kind of veggies?” Jongin said, trying to remember all of the words at once. It was harder than he thought, though they were all mostly essentials.

“We’ll see what they have at the supermarket later… Do you want fruits, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked, counting off the ingredients with his fingers. Jongin hunched his shoulders up even further, rocking Kyungsoo from side to side. “Mm, you spoil me, hyung,” he mumbled into his hair.

He didn’t need to see Kyungsoo’s face to know that he was blushing hard.

“Yes to the fruits then… We could get persimmons or something, if you want,” Kyungsoo mumbled. Jongin nodded happily.

“Okay, so repeat the list to me,” Kyungsoo said, holding up eight fingers. Jongin folded Kyungsoo’s fingers one by one as he repeated it for him, “Eggs, bagels, kimchi…” Jongin stopped, going through the list again in his head.

“P—”

“Pork.”

“Go on,” Kyungsoo encouraged him. Jongin folded a fourth finger slowly and went on, “Juice, milk… and vegetables. Plus fruits. Did I miss anything?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, you didn’t. You got it all,” Kyungsoo said, looking up to smile at Jongin. This time Jongin moved away slightly to gaze down upon Kyungsoo’s warm, chocolate brown eyes and kissed him upside down, very Spiderman.

“You’re so clingy today, like an octopus,” Kyungsoo remarked in a low voice. Traces of an amused smile lingered over his pink lips.

“I like octopus, what about you, hyung? Maybe we can get some barbequed ones on the way back,” Jongin murmured. Kyungsoo’s skin was truly flawless, he always knew that, but this was probably the first time he was observing Kyungsoo’s face up close and my God, did he have great skin. Jongin was weirdly proud and jealous at the same time.

“I like them raw though,” Kyungsoo said, bringing Jongin out of his absent thoughts. “But I don’t mind them barbequed,” he added.

“We can have both,” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo one last time before straightening himself. He snatched his bagel from the plate and began to inch backwards into his room. “I’m gonna change now, hyung. I’ll be ready in five,” he said, and bit on the bagel.

“Okay, but wait— Don’t drop crumbs in the room!” Kyungsoo called after him. Jongin wiggled his butt in reply.

When he emerged from the room with a dark hoodie, black face mask and jeans on as well as another hoodie in his hand for Kyungsoo to wear, Kyungsoo was immediately suspicious.

“Did you eat the bagel properly? Or is it just all over the floor in crumbs like ashes?” he asked, getting up from his seat to get the hoodie. How offensive; Jongin wasn’t exactly a sixteen-year-old rebellious teen anymore. 

“I picked some of the crumbs that I dropped and threw ‘em into the sink like you taught me to,” Jongin replied with a reluctant smile. Kyungsoo hummed in approval and began to put the hoodie on while Jongin stood back, fiddling with his credit card and phone in his pocket.

Kyungsoo was less fussy about what he wore when he went out than Jongin for obvious reasons but this time, Jongin had a very good reason for dressing like a wannabe underground rapper instead of just opting for his usual baggy sweats that he’d wear to bed and a woolly, warm top underneath the hoodie like Kyungsoo.

Even though it was actually getting kind of late, there were still people milling around in supermarkets, as was the norm in Seoul and Jongin didn’t want to risk people recognizing him. The supermarket nearby was likely to be a regular haunt of other residents in his apartment, and as such he wanted nothing more for people to ignore them.

He wondered though, if people would stare at Kyungsoo with his hoodie on. He looked adorable and murderous at the same time; Jongin never thought he could ever use those two words to describe the same person.

“I’m ready. Oh wait, my wallet,” Kyungsoo said, hurrying past Jongin into the bedroom.

Jongin stopped short from calling out to Kyungsoo, reminding himself that he’d just have to fight to pay for the groceries later. Kyungsoo could keep the grocery money he’d set aside for rent money instead if he ever found a new apartment to rent (Jongin was secretly hoping Kyungsoo wouldn’t find an apartment though; he wanted to keep Kyungsoo over longer and cuddle him on cold nights).

“Okay, I’m ready now,” Kyungsoo called from inside the room seconds before he appeared, hood already pulled up. “All right, let’s head out,” Jongin said, holding his hand out with a smile.

-

“Jongin, stop it, people are staring,” Kyungsoo muttered, blushing hard.

“I’m just putting my arm over you, it’s okay. People will probably assume you’re a girl anyway,” Jongin whispered in his ear, chuckling. Kyungsoo elbowed him painfully in the ribs, putting down the persimmon he was holding.

They’d been shopping for half an hour now, taking less than ten minutes to walk to the supermarket itself. Kyungsoo pushed the trolley while Jongin walked beside him, eyeing the items around him curiously. Some were familiar, some weren’t; he really should be getting out more with Kyungsoo.

It was fun anyway, to watch him pick between brands or compare prices with a serious expression on his face. If it were up to Jongin, he would’ve just chucked everything he was saw into the trolley.

Out of pure boredom, Jongin had just slung an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulders lazily while he picked out persimmons by pressing on them gently. Sadly, Kyungsoo didn’t seem to agree with his subtle PDA.

“People are gonna guess who you are, Jongin,” Kyungsoo muttered, putting a persimmon into a plastic bag.

Jongin let his arm slide away sulkily, though he took the opportunity to nuzzle Kyungsoo’s face through the opening of the hoodie instead. Kyungsoo looked at him, probably a little weirded out by the way he was acting. But Kyungsoo was cute, buying groceries so seriously, and Jongin had had a long day in the office without being able to see Kyungsoo till it was time to go home. He needed a little tender love, that was all.

“I never took you for someone who likes PDA, Jongin. This is news to me,” Kyungsoo said in a dry tone.

“Because it’s you, I like it,” Jongin said teasingly and then laughed aloud at how cheesy that sounded. Kyungsoo was looking down at the persimmon but he was smiling too, blush colouring his cheeks red.

 “That was super gross,” Kyungsoo commented.

“I know,” Jongin was still laughing. He leaned over the handle of the trolley, staring down at the things they’d picked out so far. There were eggs, chips, pears, a bag of bean sprouts and other leafy vegetables that he couldn’t name… So far, so good. Jongin was starting to like shopping for his own groceries.

“Are four persimmons enough, or do you want to get six instead?” Kyungsoo asked, patting Jongin’s back.

“Six,” Jongin said automatically. He’d love to feed Kyungsoo slices of persimmon in bed sometime this weekend and then enjoy the rest after the usual meals. It’d be ten times more interesting for Jongin to see Kyungsoo eat fruits than to eat it himself anyway.

“Alright… We’ll weigh these later. For now, milk and juice,” Kyungsoo said, tapping Jongin to move away from the trolley so he could push it. Jongin kept a hand on the handle of the trolley and allowed Kyungsoo to start pushing it past the fruit section so he could drape his arm over Kyungsoo again.

Exasperated, Kyungsoo tried to shake him off unsuccessfully and sent him a withering glare. Jongin just smiled back and blinked innocently. “What juice should we get, hyung? Do you actually like apple and orange, or are your tastes more adventurous like… tropical mix or soursop juice?” Jongin asked, rattling off with the first few flavours he spotted.

“Apple is fine. Maybe we can try a new flavour for once,” Kyungsoo replied tetchily.

Jongin chuckled at his reaction. They walked past butter, cheese and yogurt drinks, cold air billowing around them, and stopped in front of the juice boxes. There weren’t many people in this section, just a mother and her toddler clinging to her leg. Jongin grabbed the biggest bottle of apple juice he could see and clunked it down into the trolley first.

“We could get these, y’know, and drink from them like we’re ten-year-olds,” Jongin joked, pointing at a row of five small, plastic yogurt drinks. As a kid, he remembered that it tasted like sweetened milk; in any case, he was up for anything so long as Kyungsoo didn’t mind.

“These aren’t worth the price they’re charging, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said, picking one of the rows of five from the shelf. “They’re like, two dollars more expensive if you were to compare it with 750 mil carton of apple juice. It’s only for parents who need to appease their annoying kids,” Kyungsoo said informatively and put it back on the shelf.

“Whoa, yogurt drink expert Kyungsoo. Sorry I said anything,” Jongin said, faking an intimidated expression. Kyungsoo gestured threateningly at him and Jongin instinctively protected his chest with his hands, laughing a little too loudly.

“Shut _up_ ,” Kyungsoo said, jabbing a finger on Jongin’s shoulder.

He was grinning when he turned back to mull over his choices of juice, so Jongin risked sneaking an arm around his waist. Kyungsoo ignored it, and just continued to scan the price tags before him. “You still haven’t answered me about your favourite juice flavours,” Jongin reminded Kyungsoo, just to see if he could distract him.

“Haven’t I? Apple is probably my second favourite. The first is probably cold pressed berry mix, y’know, the real kind you get from a juice bar,” Kyungsoo replied distractedly.

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever tried a juice bar though Suho and Chanyeol are obsessed with it,” Jongin remarked.

“I only went once. It was Luhan’s treat,” Kyungsoo said, tugging a carton of pineapple juice and another that had no particular flavour; it was some sort of blend of carrots and celeries, among others. Jongin bet it tasted disgusting.

“Which one?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Pineapple,” Jongin replied, and Kyungsoo put it in the trolley at once. “It’s on sale, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually had pineapple juice, so we’ll see how it goes,” Kyungsoo said, then smiled openly up at Jongin.

“What if it’s really bad?” Jongin bit down on a big smile, “Would you return it or throw it out?”

“Neither…” Kyungsoo said, returning the vegetable/fruit juice back to its rightful spot on the shelf. “You’d have to drink it all, since you’re the one who wanted to try out new things,” he continued.

He suddenly glanced around somewhat nervously and Jongin followed, even though he didn’t what he was supposed to look out for. “Something up, hyung?” Jongin asked curiously, seeing nothing alarming or dangerous. That was when Kyungsoo leaned forward and pecked Jongin lightly on the mouth like a teenage boy would if he was making a move on a girl for the first time. Or in this case, Jongin. It was quick, innocent and Kyungsoo turned away so fast Jongin almost thought he’d imagined it, except he still felt his lips tingling almost pleasantly from where Kyungsoo had touched his mouth to Jongin’s.

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, only took Jongin’s hand and tugged him along as he moved down the aisle to grab milk.

Jongin was pleasantly surprised that Kyungsoo did it, and also proud that Kyungsoo found the courage in himself to do it at all in first place. Jongin understood that Kyungsoo usually shied away from any kind of public display of affection and hardly expected it from him, so that was honestly nothing short of sweet.

“Hyung?” Jongin cooed at Kyungsoo softly, trailing after him.

“Hm?” Kyungsoo hummed, staring at the bottles and cartons of milk in front of him like they were the most fascinating things he’d ever seen.

“That was cute,” Jongin remarked, bringing up a hand to the small of Kyungsoo’s back. He made a strange noise of acknowledgment in his throat, and Jongin couldn’t help feeling that Kyungsoo wasn’t just cute; he was _fucking_ cute and he wanted to hug Kyungsoo to death. But they were in public, so all he did was laugh and kept a hand around Kyungsoo’s waist while they continued shopping.

In the end, they found everything they wanted and also a few impulse buys, courtesy of Jongin (shopping list be damned). Kyungsoo was too slow in counting out the cash at the cashier, so Jongin handed over his credit card while he was too absorbed in making sure he got the exact amount of notes and coins in his hand.

By the time he looked up with the cash, Jongin was already signing the receipt. Kyungsoo looked so angry he thought Kyungsoo would just throw the eggs at his face, but instead he just kept his money back into his wallet with a stiff expression. Even the cashier looked wary of Kyungsoo and quickly waved the next customer over, possibly to avoid certain death. Jongin wasn’t luck enough to shake Kyungsoo off so easily, and pushed the trolley out of the supermarket to butter Kyungsoo up.

“I’m supposed to cover groceries, you know,” Kyungsoo began to say once they were further away from the cashier area.

“I know,” Jongin replied in a light voice. “But we seem to consume a lot more than I initially thought and so, I just wanted to pay for ‘em just this one time.”

“I’m never bringing you grocery shopping ever again,” Kyungsoo vowed determinedly. Jongin whined at him.

“Nope. Not falling for it ever again,” Kyungsoo shook his head, starting to collect some of the groceries as soon as they approached the outdoor carpark. Jongin pouted at Kyungsoo. Just as they were getting somewhere on the PDA front.

“It was fun though, right, hyung?” Jongin asked, taking some of the grocery bags as well. His load was pretty heavy, considering that this was supposed to only last the week. He was probably eating too much and working out far too little the past few months, but Jongin didn’t mind all that much. When it came to Kyungsoo, he was distraction enough.

Kyungsoo didn’t deign Jongin’s question with a reply. Using his foot to nudge the trolley aside, he began to walk in the direction of Jongin’s apartment where they’d come from a little less than an hour ago. Jongin hurried to catch up with him and slowed down when they were walking side by side.

“Hyung,” Jongin called, keeping up with his footsteps easily.

Jongin’s legs were significantly longer than Kyungsoo’s but boy, was he a great walker (a spectacular sight to behold especially from behind as well).  

“Hyung,” Jongin repeated, dragging the word into three long syllables.

“Hyung, hyung, was it fun, hyung? It was fun right, even though you’re pissed off right now?” Jongin asked brightly. He thought this was probably how the paparazzi felt like every time they had to throw questions at celebrities while following them on the streets.

Kyungsoo stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at Jongin pointedly. He stared back at him, waiting expectantly for an answer.

“Yeah,” he sighed after a stubborn moment or two, shoulders sagging, “yes, Jongin it was fun.”

Jongin beamed at his reply.

“Good. That’s the important part anyway,” he replied. A corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth lifted in a crooked smile, as if he couldn’t believe Jongin was saying that. He readjusted the groceries in his hands before they started off walking again towards Jongin’s apartment. Their arms brushed together, and Jongin never felt happier.

*

 _Another day, another problem_ , Jongin thought morosely, head lolling on the glass desk helplessly. The dreary winter weather wasn’t helping with his mood either; it just made him feel drowsy and restless at the same time. Like running on pure caffeine even though he was technically ready to crash.

Foolishly, Jongin had walked into the office this morning thinking that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. He’d even skipped his way in, and Sehun had to ask him if he was feeling feverish so he could calm down.

Things took a sharp turn however, as problems left and right soon cropped up like mushrooms growing at night; numbers weren’t adding up properly, suppliers were playing truant, workers were demanding a higher pay… Anything small and yet significant problem you could think of, he had it on his plate at that moment.

Jongin rubbed his face with a hand tiredly. He suspected such problems were happening because people knew that he was supposed to be ‘change the company needed’.

And change was all good, he supposed, except literally everything either required too much money or time, both of which Jongin was sorely lacking on his hands. Furthermore, there were so many things happening at once that he didn’t even know which to concentrate upon first. To top it all off, the cherry on the chocolate cupcake of problems, were people ringing up his phone every other second, all of them pressing him for answers that he didn’t have.

He didn’t think he actually knew _that_ many people who needed to talk to him urgently. In the end, Sehun had to start screening calls, only sending the ones that he couldn’t quite answer to Jongin directly.

Otherwise, Jongin would probably be hanging from the ceiling right now (and the phone would probably still be ringing).

“Incoming,” Sehun suddenly called through the door. “What?” Jongin called back.

There was no reply. Instead, the phone started ringing, its red light blinking obnoxiously at him. It almost looked like a taunt; _won’t you pick me up?_ Jongin wanted to smash the communication device and throw it out of a window.

Taking a deep breath for inner strength, he picked up the phone from its cradle. “Hello?” Jongin said a little wearily.

There was a crackle, and then a familiar voice drawled, “Jongin.”

 He sat up straight in his seat at once, alert all of a sudden. _Oh my God,_ he thought, alarmed. Surely, it couldn’t be?

“Dad?” Jongin said uncertainly.

“Who else could it be?” his father chuckled. Jongin bit down on a snarky remark. There were actually a lot of people who wanted to call Jongin for some reason or other; trying to sneakily reconnect with another family member out of the blue was not one of those reasons.

“I’m um, a little busy right now. Is this going to take long?” Jongin asked daringly.

“Oh no, not at all, just thought of checking up on you to see how you were doing,” his father said very nonchalantly, but Jongin knew his father was most definitely keeping tabs on him. Even if he’d been CEO for some time now, who knew what Sehun or Suho or his other spies were telling his father every day? Hopefully, nothing about his secret roommate.

“Well, what do your spies tell you? That I’m doing badly?” Jongin asked without thinking.

His father stopped for a moment, and all Jongin could hear was breathing. “Don’t you dare talk to me in that tone, boy,” he said warningly.

Jongin rolled his eyes.

His father went on, “Someone has to keep watch and make sure you are moving the company in the right direction, according to the mission and vision of Accuretta Systems—”

“You mean someone has to watch out in case I fuck up _your_ company and send it plummeting down the depths of hell? I mean, why give me the company if you didn’t think I was worth it, dad? Why fucking bother?” Jongin said crossly, feeling his anger and annoyance boiling up from years past.

“Show some respect for your old man—”

Jongin cut him off, “You wanna keep tabs? Ok, sure because that’s your problem. Just keep the family phone calls to a minimum because remember, I’m supposed to run _your_ company.”

He slammed the phone down angrily, glass desk rattling from the impact. Jongin pushed himself away from the desk and curled up on his chair, tucking his feet in and biting down on his knuckles. He wanted to sweep all the papers on his desk to the ground, God, he was fucking mad. There were so many emotions, things he had to worry about that he didn’t even know what to do anymore. Throwing himself off the roof would be a good start.

The phone began to ring again, incessantly like an alarm.

Jongin felt like screaming profanities at it and maybe resigning on the spot if his father was so concerned about his company. If he trusted Jongin enough to handle the company, then why the fuck was he trying to coddle Jongin like he was still a kid? Jongin didn’t want a helping hand, especially if it was from his own father.

“Make the call go away, Sehun,” Jongin barked, when it continued to ring nine times. He didn’t reply, as usual. The ringing stopped a second later.

Jongin dropped his head onto his knees. He felt like dying, and it was only two weeks into the job.  He wasn’t crying but he was damn close to tears before his phone in his jacket pocket started vibrating.

“Jesus Christ, dad, _stop_ ,” Jongin moaned, digging angrily into his jacket and answering the call without looking at the caller ID.

“ _What_?” he roared.

“Dude, I legit just wanted to know if you were free for lunch,” Chanyeol’s deep voice said, sounding miffed. All the hot air went out of Jongin like a balloon, and he sank deeper into his seat, wishing he could just melt into it and never be a human again.

“No, I’m not,” Jongin bit out. Even though he desperately wanted to be.

“Oh, right, then I’ll be hanging up now ‘cause you sound busy—”

“Did my father set you up to this?” Jongin asked, covering his face with a hand. He didn’t think his day could get any more stressful than this; why did working have to be so fucking _hard_? 

“What? No, of course not, literally only you guys have my number. Not even the FBI can get their hands on it,” Chanyeol replied, sounding surprised. That wasn’t exactly the answer he’d been expecting, and despite himself, Jongin laughed weakly. God, he needed a stiff drink and a bed to lie down in (to die).

 “Well, great. He just called and it was super great, and on top of that, I have a ton of shit to handle,” Jongin mumbled.

Chanyeol hummed. “Sounds like you need a drink. Wanna get out for a while to cool your head off? You can tell me all about it,” Chanyeol offered. Jongin was tempted to say yes right away and he normally would jump at the offer without a second’s hesitation, but his schedule was in the way today.

“Maybe dinner,” Jongin said. He had two meetings lined within the next hour, and he couldn’t get out of it, not unless he wanted some of his problems to go away as soon as possible.

“Sure. Actually, I was planning on having dinner with Sehun tonight so why not? Bring Suho too,” Chanyeol said. Jongin agreed to do so, and they hung up after that.

Jongin took a few deep breaths before he uncurled himself out of his seat and stretched, standing on his tip toes. Bones cracked here and there, and he swung his arms about to loosen up. He hated to admit it, but the pressure was getting to him just a little. Jongin knew that it’d be hard, but frankly, who would’ve thought it would’ve been a shit storm like this? Certainly no one had ever said that he’d need to be prepared for all those calls, papers, meetings, mergers…

In such dire times, he would usually text Kyungsoo or call him, just to hear his voice. However, Kyungsoo had already forewarned him this morning that he’d be busy all day today with his co-workers on reorganizing the company’s records and he couldn’t be distracted or the supervisor would have his head on a platter if he fucked something up.

Jongin was just glad that he’d managed to get rid of that asshole of a colleague, Hyunsik and that he didn’t have to worry about Kyungsoo getting hurt. He’d pulled up security footage the very next day at work after that unfortunate incident happened and got someone to fire him on the same day.

Hyunsik had threatened to sue, but then again Jongin had the best lawyers in the country on speed dial. If Hyunsik wanted to take it to court, Jongin was fine with that too.

All he wanted ultimately was for Kyungsoo to feel safe in his own building. Kyungsoo had not brought it up since that day itself, but Jongin knew it wasn’t something he could just sweep under the rug. Something like that was bound to leave its mark on Kyungsoo and though Jongin couldn’t change its effect, at least he could get rid of the problem and breathe easy.

 _I’ll just text him to let him know about my plans,_ Jongin thought.

No harm in that since Kyungsoo would probably get mad if he went home first without Jongin and cooked dinner for two, only to find out that Jongin wouldn’t come home till late. Kyungsoo was planning to grill pork skewers marinated in dwen-jang tonight; a pity that Jongin was going to miss it. Jongin knew dinners with his friends rarely fizzed out early; no, they all had too much to say.

 _‘Won’t be home at my usual time tonight. Dinner with the guys’_ , Jongin typed out gingerly once he got his phone out.

For some reason he felt hesitant to tell Kyungsoo about going out with his friends although there was no reason not to. It was just such a shame that he couldn’t bring these two worlds together and had to keep them strictly separate, like oil and water. There were times when he’d think that they all would get along just fine, if only the gay thing wasn’t in the way. Sehun would probably tease Kyungsoo all the time, and Suho and Chanyeol could probably bond with Kyungsoo over anime. He would’ve come out to his friends about their relationship properly too, but there was always that fear of rejection.

All the snide comments and subtle remarks they’d been making the past few months were intimidating, to say the least. He didn’t want to ostracized from his friends just because he wasn’t in love with a girl.

‘ _Gonna miss you,’_ Jongin added lamely, and sent the message.

 _I’m gonna need a drink to get through today,_ Jongin thought, pressing the stiff muscles in the back of his neck. He walked over to the wet bar and poured a drink for himself, grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels. Kyungsoo would probably reprimand him if he was there and tell him that drinking during work hours wasn’t allowed.

He sipped at his drink a little guiltily. With the glass in hand, he walked over to the exit of his office and slid the door open, eyeing Sehun who was behind his desk as usual.

“Chanyeol wants me to join you both for dinner tonight,” Jongin said monotonously.

“I guessed so,” Sehun shrugged, “he usually has a reason to call in, no?” He stapled a few files together, setting it aside. Jongin never understood how he could be so efficient like a well oiled machine sometimes. He _had_ to be superhuman.

“What do you wanna eat?” Sehun finally looked up, then spotted the drink in Jongin’s hand. He gestured for him to hand it over, and gulped almost all of it down.

“I don’t know. Sushi?” Jongin suggested.

“Sounds great.”

-

“Another round!” Chanyeol roared at the bartender, who cheered in reply and proceeded to the bar with a bottle of gin in his hand.

“No more,” Jongin shook his head weakly, then slumped back onto the counter with one arm pillowing his head. He couldn’t even remember which glass was his anymore, there were just too many crowded on the counter before him. The thick, heavy rock music playing around weighed down on Jongin like a physical burden, and not for the first time, he felt nausea take over.

“Dude, it’s only been like, three rounds,” Chanyeol said loudly over the music and patted Jongin roughly over the shoulder. Jongin came very close to puking all over Chanyeol’s favourite leather jacket.

Yes, technically you could call it three rounds, except all of them had two (or was it three?) shots together each time. In fact, Jongin couldn’t quite remember what it was that he drank; all he knew was that the whiskey from the afternoon combined with tonight’s alcohol was really soaking in. He never even thought they’d be stopping by their favourite bar in Cheongdamdong, but one thing led to another as they inevitably always did with his friends. He couldn’t think of an excuse to get away from them and the next thing Jongin knew, here he was nearing a state of being pissed out drunk.

Off to the left side of the counter, Sehun and Suho were giggling over some joke he’d apparently missed, faces red and mouths grinning stupidly.

“I wanna go home,” Jongin shouted at no one in particular, while Chanyeol head banged to the music playing. He was sweating profusely and he had to be feeling the heat under his jacket but he refused to take it off. A girl came over and started to dance with him while Jongin groaned and looked away.

Sehun nudged Jongin’s thigh with his shoe. Jongin grunted in annoyance, turning to look at his idiot of a friend.

“Why do you wanna go back so early, J’ngin? ‘S not like you got someone t’ go home to,” Sehun slurred. Then he cracked up and started laughing again, this time jolting so much in his seat he almost toppled over. Suho had to grab at him and that made them crack up even more for some reason, and Jongin couldn’t help joining in too, even though he didn’t want to.

Laughter bubbled out from his chest, the motion hurting his head and he turned away from the scene, trying not to look dumb in front of the other patrons. Despite his somewhat hazy vision in the poorly lit bar, Jongin could tell people were judging the four of them very hard. He did not blame them.

“Guys, stop laughing and get dancing,” Chanyeol said to them over his shoulder, swaying from side to side with the girl in his arms.

“I don’t like dancing when I’m drunk,” Jongin replied, rubbing his eyes. They felt dry and painful.

“C’mon, since when did you become a prude? Just get off your ass and move a little,” Chanyeol goaded him. Suho, who was never against dancing when he was drunk, got up at once albeit shakily on his two feet and pulled at Jongin’s arms.

He protested, pulling back. “I don’t want to,” Jongin yelled. Sehun came over, first two buttons of his shirt undone. His eyes were unsteady as he tugged Jongin out of his seat.

“I don’t wanna dance,” Jongin wailed pathetically. The entire bar probably heard him as he protested incoherently a bit more, and then his friends allowed him to stumble into the direction of a few girls.

“Ooh, is that Kim Jongin—?”

“Who cares, he’s hot—”

“Looks loaded too,” some other girl added. Their words filled him with disgust and also reminded him that they were nothing like Kyungsoo, who was probably doing something else more beneficial at the apartment. Jongin elbowed all of them aside determinedly, absently remembering to pat his pockets down to make sure no one had robbed him so far.

“Wallet, phone, wallet, phone,” he muttered under his breath. “Come back if you wanna party,” one of the girls called teasingly.

He was too drunk to party. At that moment, he felt his phone ringing in his jacket pocket against his side.

“Oh, shit, shit,” Jongin cursed, looking around to see if there was a quiet corner to take his call. Then he realized he was only kidding himself because this was a bar blasting rock music into every corner of the place; there was no such thing as a quiet corner.

Jongin tried to make his way out of the crowd ( _since when did it get so crowded anyway_ , he thought crossly) and brushed past Chanyeol, who was now in a passionate make out session with the girl from before. He wondered what Chanyeol’s girlfriend would have to say about that, if she ever found out.

He had to practically fight his way to the exit, pushing past what felt like dozens of people. When he burst out into the cold and crisp winter air, Jongin’s phone was no longer vibrating.

He struggled to get it out of his jacket, wondering who the hell invented pockets in jackets in the first place. It started to buzz again just when he was thinking of ripping the pocket open, and this time he managed to answer the call.

“Hello? Mom?” Jongin blurted.

“What, no— Jongin, it’s me. J-Jongin, have you been drinking?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding alarmed.

Warmth flooded Jongin’s system, and he suddenly felt very fuzzy at the thought of Kyungsoo worrying about him. “Hmm, yes, hyung. But don’t worry, okay, I’m totally fine,” Jongin mumbled, then abruptly skidded over a slippery spot in front of the bar. He managed to save himself from falling just in time, holding out his arms like a ninja.

“Jesus H. Christ, what the _fuck_ is ice even doing on the ground?” he asked, frowning at his blurred reflection on the side walk.

“Jongin, you don’t sound okay—” Kyungsoo started.

“I’m fine, hyung! I’m _so_ fine, like okay. I’m so fine even Sehun and Suho made me dance,” Jongin said and laughed, turning around to look at the bar so he could wave at his friends. Then he realized he had no idea where they were and pouted.

“Jongin, I think you should get Mr. Lee to get you home. It’s 2AM already,” Kyungsoo tried to reason with him.

“Two in the morning? I’ve stayed up longer than that just to watch you sleep,” Jongin lowered his voice, then bit his lip. He couldn’t quite tell if Kyungsoo was embarrassed by that or not, but he said, “I think you left me Mr. Lee’s number somewhere here. I’ll call him. Where are you now?”

Jongin tried to play guess-the-name-of-the-bar-I’m-at with Kyungsoo, but he wasn’t having it at all. Un-fun Kyungsoo made Jongin tell him the name and address of the bar and promptly told him to stick with his friends or at least sit down somewhere so Mr. Lee could find him.

“It’s dangerous to be so drunk late at night, Jongin,” Kyungsoo murmured, and Jongin could feel the reprimand in the tone of his voice.

“Ah hyung, it’s just a night out,” Jongin replied easily.

“Well, just get home safe. I’ll be waiting,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin thought it sounded like he wanted to say something more, but before he could ask someone tapped him on the shoulder. Jongin turned, and it was Suho, looking very red in the face like a tomato in a suit.

He gestured at Jongin’s phone with his chin. “Who was that?” he asked.

Jongin hung up at once, chucking his phone into his jacket pocket once more. “No one,” he mumbled back.

“You know, if there’s someone in your life, you shouldn’t have to feel shy to tell us about it,” Suho started to say. Jongin was shaking his head before he finished talking.

“There’s no one to talk about. It was just… my secretary making sure I’m alright,” Jongin mumbled, avoiding Suho’s gaze. Suho was silent for a very long moment as they stood outside in the cold together. _The stars look nice today_ , Jongin thought, looking up at the sky. He couldn’t tell if the stars were really in the sky or if they were bright little spots in his eyes.

“Jongin,” Suho said slowly.

“Yes.”

“Your secretary is Sehun.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Jongin agreed. Why was he pointing out the obvious?

“Your secretary is in the toilet right now, puking his breakfast, lunch and dinner down the glory hole,” Suho said, in the same slow tone as if he was speaking to a child. That was when it clicked, and Jongin looked at him.

“Okay, but why aren’t you helping him?” he asked flatly. Suho looked baffled at his response. “I was— you were here, and it was gross—”

“Suho, why are you _such_ a bad friend?” Jongin said loudly. Suho looked increasingly confused and upset as Jongin went on, “You’re supposed to help your friends in need, Suho, and like, hold his hair back when he pukes and all that. Why are you even _standing_ here? It’s like, it’s like you don’t even care.”

Suho was so taken aback by Jongin’s touching speech that he began to back into the bar, stumbling over his own feet in his haste to get to Sehun, presumably. Jongin laughed weakly after him. _That’ll teach him for trying to get personal with me,_ Jongin smirked to himself.

He didn’t understand why they were so interested anyway. Jongin could care less if his friends were dating a girl or ten girls all at once; it really wasn’t his business to know. “I can keep my mouth shut about it,” he said aloud, “so why are they always up in my ass, sniffing for info?”

Jongin looked around for somewhere to sit. His head was starting to hurt after all that talking and moving around suddenly, and he didn’t how long Mr. Lee was going to be. There was a dry spot by a bush a few steps away from the bar, so he went over and plopped down, folding his legs neatly.

He waited for ten minutes or so, watching people walk up and down the street blankly. Some gave him strange looks, some seemed to recognize him, but none came over to bother him which suited him just fine. Many of them were splendidly drunk, just like Jongin, and he laughed a little at some of their antics. A guy was puking into a potted plant when a car crunched to a halt on Jongin’s right, and he squinted at it.

It was none other than his own car, and Mr. Lee soon stepped out, breathing forming a little cloud as he rushed over.

“Sir? Sir, are you alright?” he asked, frowning at Jongin. He got to his feet with Mr. Lee’s help, dimly noting that Mr. Lee didn’t take as long as he thought. He must’ve been lurking close by.

“I’m alright,” Jongin said, legs the consistency of jelly. “I was just waiting here. Almost slipped too, but I survived,” Jongin told him proudly. Mr. Lee half carried him, helping him towards the car slowly to avoid slipping on the sidewalk. He didn’t say anything till he planted Jongin on the car seat, making sure Jongin had his legs in.

“Sir, is that a rip in your jacket? Did someone attempt to rob you?” he asked out of concern, pointing with a finger. Jongin looked down dumbly at the front of his jacket; there was nothing.

“No, no one robbed me,” he replied simply. Mr. Lee didn’t look satisfied with Jongin’s answer, but he shut the door and went around to the driver’s seat.

“You’re sure, sir? That looked like quite a nasty rip,” he commented.

Jongin patted his pants and felt the bulge of his wallet. He could still feel the weight of his phone and nodded numbly at Mr. Lee. “I’m sure. I still have my things with me.”

Reassured, Mr. Lee set off to Jongin’s apartment, steadily joining the still busy streets of Seoul.

 _I should call my secretary and tell him I’m alright,_ Jongin thought amusedly. His secretary and two friends, that is. They would probably think he was kidnapped if he didn’t say something to them.

 _‘In the caer nnow. Going hoem,’_ Jongin texted, ignoring the spelling mistakes and tapping on Suho’s contact furiously. With that done, he finally rested his head back on the seat and soon felt himself dreaming, floating past colourful lights, dark shapes and sparkling roads. He wasn’t nauseous, which was surprising though he knew he’d pay for it in the morning, if not now.

Some time passed, maybe an hour, half an hour, or ten minutes, Jongin didn’t know, and he felt hands lifting him up.

Jongin grunted and tried to turn away from the hands; he’d been lying on a very comfortable position till they interrupted his beauty sleep… “God, Jongin, you’re a mess,” a voice said that roused him half awake.

“Hyung?” he asked tiredly, unable to open his eyes.

“Yup. It’s okay, Mr. Lee, I got this,” Kyungsoo said. There was a harder tug on Jongin, and this time he tried to stand up. It was dizzying to do so but he managed it with a firm, helping hand from Kyungsoo. He heard the door slam a little too loudly in his right ear and winced.

“Thanks for the help,” Kyungsoo called to Mr. Lee. The car zoomed off, and Jongin felt himself being pulled along like a doll on a string while Kyungsoo gently led him into the elevator.

“Can’t believe you’re so drunk, Jongin. I thought you said it was going to be dinner with your friends,” he said in a low voice. The elevator went up, up, up and it made Jongin feel awfully sick at once. He burped and swallowed thickly.

“I thought so too,” he replied. Jongin leaned on Kyungsoo heavily, inhaling his scent. God, he smelled nice.

Kyungsoo’s hand patted his waist. “Jongin, you feeling okay?” he asked. He nodded. He’d feel ten times better if Kyungsoo could just lead him straight into bed and climbed in right after so he could sleep all of this off. Jongin told himself that this would be the last time he’d let himself get drunk with his friends; _no more_ , he shook his head to himself.

“You know, for the first few missed calls, I thought you were busy,” Kyungsoo murmured, “then it took too long for you to call back, and I was so afraid that something went wrong.”

Jongin burst out laughing boisterously just as the elevator dinged.

“Oh hyung. I wanted _so_ bad for you to come along with us. But you can’t, so I got drunk instead… You mad?” Jongin asked playfully. Then he suddenly remembered Sehun and Suho laughing at the bar and he sniggered to himself again, biting down on his lower lip.

“I’m not mad,” Kyungsoo replied easily, gently pulling Jongin towards the right direction. They walked a little more, and stopped in front of Jongin’s front door.

 _Finally_ , he breathed.

Kyungsoo didn’t bother with Jongin’s shoes as he thought he would when he unlocked the door with Jongin’s spare key. He just took off Jongin’s jacket— “What is this rip here?” he asked wonderingly— took his hands and soon, Jongin felt himself falling into bed. Oh, home sweet home.

“Homey home homey,” Jongin mumbled, already burying his face into the covers. He sighed happily.

 _Except home,_ he suddenly thought, home being Kyungsoo and the apartment, could never go together with Jongin’s friends. And they were the rest of Jongin’s world, so why couldn’t they just fucking come together nicely? What was so bloody hard about bringing together these two things that meant a lot to Jongin? 

He could feel Kyungsoo tugging off his shoes, each clattering to the ground. Jongin sniffled a little, thinking about how his friends would never accept them, no matter how brilliant Kyungsoo was at being a domestic househusband.

“I’m ashamed, hyung, of what I am,” Jongin said, making a sad face.

Kyungsoo stopped briefly. The silence was muffled in the room, like light cotton stuffing. 

“Pardon?” he said quietly.

“Ashamed of what I is. Of what you are. Of what us is— I mean, we are. I mean like, I love you and all but it’s so hard sometimes, and I just…” Jongin drifted off, not remembering what it was he wanted to say. It was a very sad thing, but he couldn’t quite recall it now. 

He continued when Kyungsoo didn’t say anything. “There’s just times when I like, think about the future too, hyung, and like— where are we even going, with this? Us. Hyung, are we even going to last past Christmas?” he blabbed. It all sounded very deep; Jongin was almost proud that he still sounded coherent.

Kyungsoo was quiet, even though Jongin knew he was there, moving around. He thought that maybe something was wrong, but he couldn’t think what.

“Hyung?” he called cautiously, long after it was Kyungsoo’s cue to answer.

“I’m here,” Kyungsoo finally said, “Just sleep, Jongin. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Now, with that, Jongin was inclined to agree.

“Mm, join me,” he groaned, curling up into a ball. “L-later,” Kyungsoo mumbled.

 _Is he crying?_ Jongin couldn’t really tell. It sounded like it. He wanted to be concerned, he really did, but all of a sudden he just felt so tired, too tired to really care anymore. Why would Kyungsoo even cry anyway?

 _Oh well_ , he thought, drifting off once again. _It’ll be better in the morning._


	21. man to man, heart to heart (I love you but you drive me so far)

One minute Jongin was sleeping peacefully, the next minute he was rudely awakened to the sound of a brush scrubbing against tiled floors. It was vicious to his ears and threatened to rip Jongin’s sanity out of his brain like a gore-y horror movie scene. He turned on his side, covering his head hastily with a pillow.

“Nnngghhh,” he moaned into the pillow, head throbbing in time to his heartbeat. How much did he even drink last night to feel this wasted and this fucked up?

The scrubbing stopped momentarily, and he waited cautiously for it start again. Jongin fumbled for the sheets around him while he could, trying to bury himself deep under them. There were quiet footsteps, then a few other weird noises that were too loud for his hungover brain to process.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo called from the bathroom.

Jongin hummed in reply, hoping Kyungsoo could hear him.

“There’s juice on the dresser for you. I left your breakfast in the kitchen,” he said softly. Jongin flipped the covers over, squinting in the direction of the bathroom. Mercifully enough, the sun wasn’t too bright today and Jongin could think without feeling like the sunshine was stabbing him repeatedly with a knife.

“Hyung, what are you doing?” Jongin asked blearily. Kyungsoo was already re-entering the bathroom, the door almost closed shut. All Jongin spotted was a rubber gloved hand.

“I’m washing the bathroom right now. There’s some mould in here…” was his reply, and something else that Jongin couldn’t quite catch. Jongin would argue that mould in his bathroom wasn’t exactly a reason to start scrubbing it down first thing after breakfast, but he shut his mouth instead and reached for the aforementioned juice on the dresser. The glass was cold, and he gulped the pineapple juice down gratefully.

 _Thank God, it’s the weekend_ , Jongin thought, setting the empty glass down just as Kyungsoo started scrubbing again (though not as loudly this time). There was just no way he could work in this state. And on that note, maybe he should’ve guessed that his friends would drag him out for a drink (or a dozen) after a long week of work.

 _God, how did I even get home last night?_ Looking down, he was still wearing his clothes from last night so someone must’ve rescued him just in time. He also thought he remembered seeing lights passing a car window and talking too much to someone, but he didn’t know how much of those were vivid dreams or real memories; everything was a blur.

 _Well, I’d know if something is wrong_ , Jongin thought.

Gingerly, he got out of bed even though every part of him was screaming to stay in. He briefly wondered if he’d puked last night in the bathroom; maybe that was why Kyungsoo was so hell bent on cleaning up.

Breakfast, as promised, was on the counter, covered with another plate. Jongin shuffled over slowly, lifting the plate and peering at his breakfast.

Some _kimbab_ served alongside with his favourite dipping sauce made with red pepper sauce; not a bad start to his day. Jongin stuffed two in his mouth and went over to the coffee maker, pressing the start button. He was reaching for another _kimbab_ slice when he noticed the newspaper next to the plate. Jongin would’ve ignored it altogether, except the headline was too loud to dismiss.

 _‘Market shows signs of toppling,’_ it said in black, bold letters. Jongin frowned at once, chewing on his _kimbab_.

 _Not now_ , he wrinkled his nose at the headline. He didn’t want to deal with overly paranoid and suspicious speculation from so-called experts. Eight times out of ten, they were usually just spewing bullshit, and that was a bit much for his hungover self to take. And frankly, the stock market and the economy was going to have to wait for Jongin to nurse himself back to a normal state before he could even think of dealing with all that crap.

Defiantly, Jongin turned the front page over and looked for the comic section. He felt better almost instantaneously when his coffee was done and he could sip at it while smiling to himself at the comics.

 _This is a nice start,_ Jongin noted. Sure, his head was still throbbing a bit but it wasn’t something coffee couldn’t heal and it was an unexpectedly quiet yet enjoyable morning. Even if Kyungsoo was scrubbing the life out of the tiled flooring in the bathroom. Perhaps Jongin would join him later, if his hangover permitted it.

A nice start nonetheless. He might even pick up smoking from a pipe to go with reading the newspaper like some white dad living in the suburbs.

Suddenly, the word ‘horoscope’ caught his eye in the upper left corner of the newspaper. _Haven’t seen that in a while_ , he lifted an eyebrow in wry amusement. He didn’t think people actually still believed in all that hipster stuff. No harm in reading up on his daily horoscope though, because this was going to be his lazy Sunday doing nothing of consequence. 

Jongin was a Capricorn, and according to the wisdom of the stars, today was going to be an eye opening day emotionally. _Keep an ear out for unspoken confessions from the people around_ , it read. 

Well, that was certainly cryptic; he thought horoscopes were supposed to be a tad bit more helpful than this. This was probably the reason why horoscopes weren’t all that popular anymore. Jongin shrugged, gulping more coffee down before snagging another _kimbab_ roll into his mouth.

He had no idea what was in it besides cucumber, egg and lettuce but God, Kyungsoo knew damn well the way to make a mean _kimbab_.

 _Speaking of hyung_ , Jongin thought, looking at the direction of his bedroom and then at the newspaper in his hand. It suddenly occurred to him that he never asked Kyungsoo for his birth date, aside from the year he was born in. An asshole move; Kyungsoo probably knew when Jongin’s birthday was.

He placed the newspaper down and picked up the plate of _kimbab_ , padding to the bathroom while chomping away. From the sound of it, Kyungsoo was still hard at work. Jongin pushed the door open slowly, the entire bathroom floor covered with a thin layer of slippery suds. Kyungsoo was on his knees with the brush, and the door accidentally nudged him in the foot.

Sweating profusely down his back, Kyungsoo glanced up questioningly, moving his foot aside.

“Oh hey. You need to puke?” he asked, pausing for a moment.

“No,” Jongin shook his head, and held out a kimbab roll for Kyungsoo. He shook his head and began scrubbing again; Jongin got down on his haunches to Kyungsoo’s level. “Hyung, I have a question for you,” he said, over the loud scrubbing.

Kyungsoo grunted in reply. “When’s your birthday, hyung?” Jongin asked.

He gave Jongin a wide eyed look. “Why d’you ask? Shouldn’t you be worried about Christmas first if you’re thinking about gifts?”

“Christmas is in a few weeks, right? So your birthday isn’t in December?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shook his head, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn white line between tiles. Or at least, it must be stubborn because to Jongin, it looked perfectly clean but Kyungsoo ran the brush over it a few times as he spoke, “No, my birthday is on the twelfth next month. And Christmas is in six days, Jongin.” He smiled dryly.

Jongin blinked. “Six days?” he echoed. He could’ve sworn it was the fourth yesterday…

 _Good God_ , he thought, mildly horrified. Where did the rest of his month go? And how did he even miss hints like Christmas decorations whenever he went out? Six days wasn’t any time at all to think about what to get Kyungsoo for Christmas. His birthday, however, was slightly more interesting at the moment.

“Hyung, your birthday is only two days before mine,” Jongin pointed out, biting down on a shy, unabashed smile. He’d never met anyone who was born within three days of his own birthday, not including their birth year. It was almost cute actually; their birthdays were close, but not suffocating close.

“I know,” Kyungsoo replied, smiling back. Jongin thought that his smile looked like it didn’t quite reach his eyes but Kyungsoo looked down again before he could be sure. 

“I’ll have to start thinking of gifts, then,” he said, putting another kimbab roll into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. He waited patiently for Kyungsoo to answer.

“There’s really no need for gifts, though. People usually just give me one on Christmas and that’s enough,” Kyungsoo said. He then got up, and Jongin thought he was finally done but all Kyungsoo did was dip the brush in a bucket of murky water. Jongin quickly grabbed his hand before he could get back down on his knees again to talk to him at a proper level.

“Do I look like the kind who stands for combining birthday gifts and Christmas gifts into one?” he asked in all seriousness, putting the plate down by the sink.

Kyungsoo flicked something off on Jongin’s chin and said, “Well, no, but be serious. Would you actually know what to get me?”

Jongin shrugged. “I could do some research online, ask your friends, maybe think about stuff you might’ve mentioned over the past few months. It wouldn’t be a perfect gift but I think it would be a start,” he grinned.

Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped hesitantly. Jongin waited, trying to meet his gaze.

“What am I supposed to give you in return though, Jongin?” he said after a moment of silence, “What do you give someone who already has everything or can at least afford everything he might want?”

Jongin sighed. “You don’t have to _give_ me anything. You could just put a ribbon around your neck and prance about in the apartment naked; I’d still like it.” Kyungsoo sent him a sarcastic smile, jabbing at Jongin’s solar diaphragm lightly.

“I would _never_ do that.”

“Not even for Christmas? Or my birthday, if you’re not feeling very generous this season?” Jongin teased.

“Never,” Kyungsoo insisted, and Jongin loved the smile on his face even as he said no. Only Kyungsoo could smell this gross and sweaty yet still look like he had this inner glow to him. It was discerning, and Jongin couldn’t help wonder if he was just seeing him with rose coloured glass. But it undeniable, Jongin liked looking at his roommate very much.

“Then why not just skip the gifts altogether, hyung? If you don’t think I’ll pick out something you’ll like?” Jongin asked. Skipping gifts would be a good thing anyway; that would mean Kyungsoo didn’t have to spend any more money than he could afford.

Kyungsoo bit his lip. Jongin looked down at his last _kimbab_ roll and put it to his mouth mournfully while Kyungsoo said, “I think… well, I don’t know about you but um. I wouldn’t mind staying in on Christmas day actually.” He looked up at Jongin, lifting his brows questioningly.

“Huh,” Jongin wasn’t surprised at that. Kyungsoo always struck him as a homebody type anyway… Except it was Christmas they were talking about; it wasn’t just any other day of the year. Wasn’t it their moral obligation or something as humans to celebrate it in some way? This was after all, The Holiday everyone loved. And Jongin wanted to do something significant on the 25th, whether in a small or big way.

“What about,” Jongin suggested, “we stay home for half the day, and the other half we’ll do something really Christmas-y, hyung, like drink eggnog or pumpkin spice latte. Or maybe we could get gingerbread cookies.” Jongin could hardly hold back his excitement at the thought of all those holiday snacks. Even Sehun and Chanyeol couldn’t resist and always bought too much of everything during Christmas season (not that they ever complained about it). 

Kyungsoo looked interested in that idea. “Okay. Nothing wild like ice skating or dinner on a rooftop restaurant… I’m up for it,” he agreed easily.

Jongin snorted. “Rooftop dinners are more of Chanyeol’s thing. Besides, I know we’re not teens anymore, we don’t have to do anything too crazy on Christmas. We can just,” Jongin leaned in to brush his lips over Kyungsoo’s, “take it slow. There’s always next Christmas.”

Suddenly, Kyungsoo stiffened against Jongin. It was only for a brief moment, almost unnoticeable but Jongin had learned not to ignore Kyungsoo’s physical cues. He had a feeling he’d said something wrong, except he couldn’t seem to guess what. Jongin took a step back and looked at Kyungsoo.

“Hyung?” he said, confused.

Kyungsoo hummed, blinking up at him. “Hyung, did I say something wrong?” Jongin tried again.

“What? No, why would you say that?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding just as surprised as Jongin was.

Jongin didn’t want to let it go. There was this nagging feeling that Kyungsoo wasn’t telling him something.

“You do want to celebrate Christmas with me, right? I mean— you’re okay with everything so far?” Jongin asked. Maybe Kyungsoo was nervous about celebrating with Jongin, which made two of them. Jongin had never spent Christmas with someone who meant this much to him, and had naturally assumed Kyungsoo felt the same too.

Kyungsoo nodded. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” he laughed. It was very convincing, and Jongin would’ve bought the act except he knew Kyungsoo was probably hiding something.

He felt kind of frustrated that Kyungsoo didn’t seem to want to tell him, but then again he didn’t want to force it out of him either. _Maybe I_ should _just leave it_ , Jongin thought sulkily. He hated it, but there wasn’t much else of a choice.

“Okay. So um. I’m gonna shower in a while,” Jongin said.

“I’m almost done. I’ll call you when I’m done,” Kyungsoo nodded. Jongin grabbed the empty plate from beside the sink, about to leave Kyungsoo to his scrubbing when he paused five steps out of the bathroom. 

“One more thing, hyung. How did I get home last night?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo gave him a strained look at his question. “I called you last night. You sounded pretty drunk, so I got Mr. Lee to get you just in case you passed out in the place or something. I didn’t want you to get hurt or anything so…”

“Oh. How could you tell I was drunk? Did I talk shit?” Jongin asked offhandedly.

Kyungsoo’s mouth lifted in a weak smile. “Yeah. Something like that.” Sounded like drunk Jongin as usual. He was probably lucky he didn’t talk too much shit, otherwise he’d probably get in a fight at the bar and that wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

“Glad you got me home just in time then, hyung. Thanks,” Jongin said, holding out a thumbs up.

“It’s nothing, Jongin,” Kyungsoo mumbled back.

*

Jongin soon found himself back in the office in no time, this time much more refreshed after his drunk night out and a good day’s rest on Sunday. It was only Tuesday morning when he noticed Sehun hanging silver tinsel over the front of his desk with a tacky ‘Merry Christmas’ greeting dangling from it and a snow globe sitting on Sehun’s desk.

“Why are you only putting decorations up now? Don’t you usually put it up a little earlier?” Jongin asked, enjoying his coffee while he could. His afternoons were usually more hectic.

Sehun scowled at him. “We’ve been so busy the last few days I hardly had any time to get the decorations out. And it’s near Christmas now, so I might as well put it up while I can.” Jongin chuckled into his mug.

“What about you? Did you put up any decorations in your apartment?” Sehun asked.

Jongin never had any Christmas decorations in his apartment (he had never celebrated at home so he never saw the point in buying any decorations), but Kyungsoo did have a roll of silver ribbon and a box of his own Christmas tree ornaments. They cleared away all the paper cranes they’d made a few months for silver bows and hung or placed Kyungsoo’s ornaments everywhere they could in the apartment on Sunday night. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

“There’s definitely a Christmas-y feeling to my apartment now, yes,” Jongin replied vaguely.

Sehun cocked an eyebrow. “Hm. And how are you celebrating this year? Suho’s parents are throwing a huge party, and they’re probably going to invite us all over. You gonna go?” he asked.

Oh God, Jongin had completely forgotten about Suho’s parents and their knack for throwing dinner parties. He pretended to think about it and slowly began to shake his head. “I… think I might just celebrate with the hostesses this time,” he lied. Sehun looked at him then scoffed at his answer as he taped down the tinsel on the edge of his desk.

“The girls? Dude, all you’re going to do is spend a ton of cash on drinks and shit food, only to have some of them insist on you getting them gifts. You’re better off celebrating with us,” Sehun said, and they both knew what he said was true.

Only old, overweight but rich businessmen celebrated Christmas at a hostess club. And that was frankly, pitiful, except Jongin wasn’t going to do that.

Jongin scrambled for an answer; he couldn’t say he wanted to celebrate alone since he knew his friends weren’t _that_ stupid, but at the same time he didn’t want to blow his cover. What else could he really say? He obviously wasn’t spending much time with his parents anymore, so he couldn’t lie about that either… It was getting harder and harder to keep Kyungsoo a secret.

“I dunno,” Jongin said after a while, “Maybe I won’t go to the club. I’ll see,” he added.

Maybe if he was lucky enough he could wheedle out of this by stalling his final answer and then never show up at the party.  And they’d never go to Jongin’s apartment to drag him over by then, because Suho’s parents didn’t allow anyone to leave any of their parties till it had ended.

Sehun was about to say more when thankfully the phone in Jongin’s office rang. Heaving a sigh of relief, Jongin went back into his office to answer it at once; he hoped Sehun would forget all about it till it was too late.

Jongin answered the call, and then a few more in succession. His coffee soon ran out while he signed some papers for an hour or so, and dialled up a few people. The day moved by painfully slow, but that was just work as usual.

It was nearly lunchtime when Jongin was trying to push some of his problems to other departments when Suho came into his office, looking rather solemn and serious.

“You think you could do that for me? Yes… yes, that’s right. Give me a call as soon as you can, please,” Jongin said, glancing at Suho. He hung up the phone and exhaled loudly, looking down at his messy desk.

“Hey, Suho. What’s up?” he asked, clearing away some of the papers.

“Nothing much. I’m not going to stay long, I just wanted to stop by because I was wondering if you were aware of the stock market plummeting over the past few days,” Suho said. Jongin frowned, remembering the newspaper headline from Sunday.

“Yeah, I know about it. Do you really believe what the experts are saying?” He still didn’t think it was a sign that the market would go into recession just yet. Surely the market was just having one of its down moments in the year? He couldn’t even remember the last time the global economy went into recession, though it was probably pretty chaotic.

“Well, I don’t wanna be the overly paranoid guy, but I think you might want to think about cutting back just a bit. Maybe spend a little less on some campaigns, push back any overseas training for the staff,” Suho said, looking around uncomfortably.

“I can’t really tell if the market is dropping, honestly, but it’s best to be careful.”

“Oh yeah,” Jongin nodded, “I will be.”

“Also, this is a little brutal, but if the market does crash, my advice would be to sack some of the lower employees,” Suho said, grimacing slightly. Jongin lifted an eyebrow at him. That was the sort of move that only suffering companies would make. Did Suho really think it was going to be that bad?

“I know it sounds really unethical and all that, but,” Suho shrugged, “it’s really the best way to keep from drowning, y’know. And if you want, I could get the head of HR to put together a list of employees that we can let go of.”

Jongin widened his eyes at Suho briefly. He wasn’t entirely against the idea because Accuretta was employing quite a large number of people, but was it even necessary? It wasn’t a mistake that he could take back if the market crashed and recovered quickly from it. Yet still, he knew that Suho would never suggest such a thing unless he really had a bad feeling about all this.

“I… think you can do that,” Jongin said slowly, “keep the numbers as low as possible though, we don’t want a riot on our hands if anything goes wrong.”

Suho nodded at once. “I understand completely. And this list will only be our last line of defence so,” Suho gestured eloquently. Jongin was inclined to agree. He wasn’t looking forward to firing people in his first year as CEO anyway.

“Definitely. Send me a copy of the list when it’s done, and try to keep it to ourselves. We might not actually need it,” Jongin said. Suho told him no problem.

“Also, Jongin, do you want to join us for lunch? We’re going to this new place near the Women’s University. Sehun heard the place was good,” Suho said. It was already the tip of his tongue to say _yes, let’s get out for a while so I don’t have to think about reports and contracts_ when he realized he’d been planning to Google some ideas to celebrate Christmas with Kyungsoo.

His friends going out to lunch meant that at least an hour of uninterrupted time to himself, and besides, he didn’t want to accidentally get drunk again (in midday, no less).

“Maybe next time,” Jongin said, and patted the clutter of papers before him.

“Oh, sure. You’re looking pretty busy. Don’t stop on our account,” Suho said in a jokingly serious voice. “Sorry. I’ll join you guys another day,” Jongin added. Suho waved at him, already headed for the exit, and when Jongin heard him asking Sehun if he was ready to leave, Jongin secretly clapped his hands gleefully.

Typing in _‘ideas to celebrate Christmas with your partner’_ onto his computer, he hit enter and looked around for some scrap paper to scribble on. His plan for now was to get a few ideas together and show them to Kyungsoo; chances were there were something they both could probably agree on.

His search yielded over a million results, more than enough to start with. Jongin clicked on a few links at once, juggling five tabs at once. Most of the website links were women’s magazines, but he wasn’t too fussed about that. There wasn’t much a heterosexual couple could do that a gay couple couldn’t as well.

The first website suggested booking a private table at a fancy restaurant. _Notable_ , he thought, writing that down. It’d be easy for them to talk without worrying about other diners noticing them, and it was definitely something Jongin could afford.

He continued to scroll further down, and found that three websites gave the same suggestion; visiting the local park where there might a Christmas tree. Apparently, many couples enjoyed talking walks in parks with their partner— usually with a warm drink in hand— where they could bond without spending too much money. It was low key, humble and still as sweet as the rest of the suggestions. Jongin knew a park not far from his apartment where stalls were set up, selling cookies, candy and other Christmas paraphernalia. He’d always thought of stopping to walk around and enjoy the sights, but it would seem a little pathetic to do it alone.

Smiling to himself, Jongin wrote the idea down and put a little star over it. _Seems a little overly cute but I like it,_ he thought. 

Another clever suggestion was to stay at home and bake cookies or get drunk together but doing so safely in the sanctity of one’s home. Jongin supposed that when they were staying in he wouldn’t mind baking cookies with Kyungsoo, so he wrote that down too. 

The suggestions from all five different websites soon started to sound more or less similar to one another, and Jongin had to sift through more websites when some of them came to an end. He’d already written down suggestions like going for a picnic under the stars, visiting karaoke (Jongin wasn’t sure about this but threw it in anyway), visiting a local bookshop or library…  

Though his list wasn’t short, he really wanted to be able to do something clever and meaningful with Kyungsoo on Christmas, something that they both could agree on and would remember as their first Christmas together.

 _It’s also our first time being in any sort of long term relationship_ , Jongin realized, and that only made it that much more important too. Jongin felt almost giddy with excitement.

After nearly forty minutes of going through the websites, Jongin finally called it a day and set the list aside. He still hadn’t taken his lunch yet, and decided going to the cafeteria wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Perhaps he’d even see Kyungsoo downstairs, though he suspected Kyungsoo made it a point never to take too long in the cafeteria because he’d only ever seen him once or twice there, and he always scurried off once he noticed Jongin was there. It was a shame that they couldn’t just eat lunch together like they would on weekends, but Jongin understood his actions anyway.

With his stomach growling, Jongin cleared his history search, set his computer on sleep mode and left the office.

The hallways of the building never reflected the seasonal holidays, but Jongin thought everything looked a little brighter today. Maybe it was all that Christmas cheer rubbing off on him. He truly could not wait till he could go home and show Kyungsoo the list so he had something to look forward to on Christmas day at the end of the week.

When he reached the ground level, the first thing Jongin noticed was the crowd gathered near the cafeteria. Some people who had just exited the elevators behind him immediately joined in, whereas some were already walking away with something gripped tightly in their hands. Jongin had no idea what was going on and certainly hadn’t heard of anything that was supposed to happen here. People were mostly smiling though, so he figured it wasn’t some kind of disaster.  

Cautiously, he walked over and was greeted by some of them. He smiled back and returned their greetings, brushing past them. Up close, he could see whatever it was they were holding in their hands, and it took a moment to register that it was small branches of mistletoe in clear plastic packets.

 _Mistletoe?_ He frowned. Not exactly something most Koreans thought of during Christmas.

The crowd cleared, and Jongin spotted a table against a wall where two women and a man were giving out the branches of mistletoe from two big boxes to anyone who wanted them. Most of the people who received them cooed over how pretty it looked and how they could hang it at home later.

 _Oh, that’s awfully nice of them,_ Jongin thought, glancing up at the three of them on the opposite of the table. They had badges attached to their clothes, so Jongin knew they were just regular employees; they probably didn’t owe anyone to give any of the mistletoe for free but here they were, offering it with outstretched hands. It gave Jongin a warm feeling in his chest, the same kind when he caught himself looking at Kyungsoo sometimes. He was honestly surprised that there were still people left in the world who gave and asked for nothing back.

Well, Jongin wasn’t about to ruin their fun or take advantage of their generosity. He started to inch away, but not before one of the women at the table noticed him.

“Ah! Mr. Kim, have some mistletoe,” she waved him over with a bright smile. She had a rosy complexion and looked rather tired, but hardly missed a beat at all. The woman grabbed two packets of mistletoe and handed it over to Jongin just as he tried to protest.

“Have a Merry Christmas, sir,” she said warmly.

“You too,” Jongin replied a second later, remembering his manners. He looked down at the mistletoe in his hands; a red ribbon held each of the branches together into a small bunch. Some red berries clustered in the heart of the branches, tiny and precious. Jongin smiled up at them in thanks.

*

When Kyungsoo clambered into the backseat at exactly five thirty-two, Jongin was already waiting for him inside, brimming with excitement and enthusiasm.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo grunted, shutting the door.

“Hey. Hyung, look at what I got,” Jongin said while Kyungsoo undid his scarf from around his neck. Mr. Lee pulled out of the parking lot, and the passing lights shone over the packets of mistletoe in Jongin’s hand.

“Oh, did the marketing team give these to you?” Kyungsoo asked, mildly surprised.

“No… Well, I mean I was by the cafeteria for lunch and this woman gave it to me. Why, was the marketing team planning to give me the mistletoe?” Jongin asked, undoing one of the packets.

He’d kept it aside all day, planning to open them up with Kyungsoo. Jongin knew what mistletoe was but had never really seen it since it wasn’t very popular in Korea as it was in the States. Or maybe they _were_ popular, and he just never really noticed till now.

“I think so. I heard from Luhan that they wanted to go up to your office and present it to you. Guess you pulled the rug out from under them by visiting the cafeteria,” Kyungsoo said.

Once he was done folding his scarf into a neat square, he took the second branch of mistletoe from Jongin’s lap to peer at it curiously. Jongin couldn’t help admiring it too, brushing his fingertips over the sharp edges of the leaf. Although the leaves could probably draw blood if he accidentally pricked himself on them, Jongin thought they looked rather cheerful all on their own. Like a small representation of Christmas right in the palm of his hand.

“The berries are really cute,” Kyungsoo commented, feeling the branches with his fingers gently. Jongin nodded.

“They are. The whole thing is cute, actually. Oh, and speaking of cute,” Jongin handed Kyungsoo the branch and began to dig into his jacket pocket for his list. He’d torn the inner lining of his other jacket on Sunday, which was a feat in itself because he’d never done that before. Miraculously enough, Kyungsoo actually had a small emergency sewing kit and patched it up nicely for him, otherwise Jongin would probably have to send it to a tailor who would’ve charge him some exorbitant price. (Where would Jongin be without Kyungsoo, really?)

Jongin felt for the little slip of paper, and when he found it, Jongin handed it to Kyungsoo. They exchanged the items in their hands, and Jongin held the branches of mistletoe carefully, watching Kyungsoo stare at the paper till he almost went cross eyed.

“What is this supposed to be?” he asked hollowly, looking up at Jongin.

Jongin smiled shyly at him. “Open up and see.” He had doodled a title for the list and everything so Kyungsoo would be distracted from his crappy handwriting.

Kyungsoo did as Jongin said, unfolding the paper and reading it without a word. It started to get so quiet that Jongin got nervous and kicked Kyungsoo’s shoe lightly with his foot.

“Say something,” Jongin said huffily.

 He looked up at Jongin and pointed at something on the list. “Why the hell would anyone go rock climbing on Christmas Day?” he asked in a dry voice.

“For the inner adventurous spirit in you,” Jongin immediately replied. Granted, rock climbing was an unlikely option because the hills and mountains probably wouldn’t be open to the public on the day, but he didn’t want to miss out on anything that Kyungsoo might unexpectedly like.

“Um, no. The rest seem okay, though,” Kyungsoo said, scanning through them once again.

Jongin waited for him to say more, waited for that smile to appear on Kyungsoo’s face if he came across a suggestion that he liked but instead, Kyungsoo just handed the paper back to Jongin less than a minute later.

Kyungsoo motioned for Jongin to give him one of the branches again, and he handed one to him numbly.

 _…that was it?_ Jongin thought.

“Hyung, you don’t… like the suggestions?” Jongin asked. He wasn’t hurt exactly, just puzzled that Kyungsoo didn’t even seem remotely interested at any of the ideas. Jongin had genuinely thought that Kyungsoo would’ve liked at least _one_ of them.

Kyungsoo blinked, frowned and shrugged his shoulders. He twirled the mistletoe branch in one hand as he spoke, “It’s not that I didn’t like them. I just— I was actually thinking of just staying at home.”

Jongin frowned. Even if he didn’t like the suggestions, why was Kyungsoo suddenly changing his mind? They had, after all, so amicably agreed on spending equal halves of the day at home _and_ outside less than three days ago… Spending Christmas indoors was almost as pathetic as celebrating alone. Jongin looked down at the mistletoe in his hand in disappointment.

“Why—”

“I know I should give you an explanation. Just… not now, not in here,” Kyungsoo broke him off, shaking his head more to himself than at Jongin.

He looked away from Kyungsoo, unsure of what to feel. What was there to even explain about?

The rest of the ride home was uncomfortably silent, with Jongin wallowing in confusion and dreary thoughts looming in the back of his head like a threatening thunderstorm.

Kyungsoo glanced up at Jongin every so often. Sometimes their gazes met, but Kyungsoo always looked away first. Jongin felt like something was very wrong, and he suspected it was something bugging Kyungsoo from Sunday till now, when he first noticed that things were somewhat _off_.

He just hoped it wasn’t something they couldn’t get over by Christmas. Jongin had never felt this earnest about wanting to spend Christmas with someone else as happily as possible.

Upon entering the apartment, Jongin placed his briefcase and mistletoe on the chair in the kitchen and turned to look at Kyungsoo. He took off his jacket slowly while he watched Kyungsoo lock the door and take off his shoes, both of them prolonging the inevitable moment. It stretched out once more into a tense silence, and finally, Jongin couldn’t take it any longer.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, hyung,” Jongin mumbled, taking a seat at the counter and wrapping his arms awkwardly over his head. Jongin wanted to, yet he couldn’t look Kyungsoo.

He didn’t think he’d see this side of Kyungsoo again, not after all they’d been through. Jongin had thought that they’d moved relatively beyond this, all this nervous uncertainty. _Why?_ Jongin thought. _Why now? What happened, even?_ Everything was coming up blank.

“Before I answer that, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said in a shaky voice, “do you _want_ to spend Christmas with me?”

Jongin couldn’t believe it. He sat up in disbelief, looking at Kyungsoo. “Are you even serious right now?” Kyungsoo stood against the wall by the door with his eyes down, hands still holding the branch of mistletoe.

“Just answer it, please,” he pleaded.

Jongin took a deep breath, getting up to go to the fridge. He remembered that there was some wine; he was going to need it.

“Of _course_ I want to spend Christmas with you. But I don’t think it’s a question of whether I want to, hyung. It doesn’t even sound like _you_ want to,” Jongin said, opening the fridge. The wine was there, half full from dinner the other night. He grabbed it and gulped a few mouthfuls, not bothering to pour it out like how Kyungsoo always insisted upon.

“It’s just,” Kyungsoo began, “most of your suggestions involved going out and… Jongin, I don’t think it’d be good if we got caught. Obviously, for you, the repercussions would be extensive.”

That sounded like a pile of lame excuses to Jongin.

“Hyung, we can go out at night if you’re that worried about us getting caught. I know _I’m_ not that worried because there’s going to be a shit load of people out on the streets. The last thing they’re going to do is literally stare us down and point us out. So try again, hyung,” Jongin said, more than just angry and annoyed.  

Kyungsoo sighed, running a hand through his hair. “W-why can’t we just stay home all day instead? You can get— or we can leave separately and get like, food or whatever, and we can just celebrate right here. Jongin, what— what if people really do see us?” he asked.

Jongin turned around, holding the bottle of wine in his hand. “Hyung, you and I both know that that isn’t the problem. _What_. _Is. It._ I mean, you don’t seem interested, you’re making excuses right now and… I don’t know what to do,” he held out his hands. “I love you hyung, and I— I really thought that you wanted this but,” he gestured at Kyungsoo, standing there with emotions flickering across his face like pages of a book fanning open.

“Am I reading you wrong, hyung?” Jongin’s voice dropped down to a whisper, “Am I taking things too far? We’ve made progress since the day we started out, hyung, and yet now it feels like you’re taking three steps back away from me. Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong so I can apologize and we can move from this?” he pleaded.

Kyungsoo shook his head hastily. “N-no, it’s not you at all, Jongin. I’m not looking for an apology.” He hesitated, then looked around as if seeking divine inspiration.

Sad to say, there was nothing remotely religious in Jongin’s apartment and for a bitter second, he wondered if God was even listening in right now, because if He was so great then why was this relationship so difficult? Why did it seem to fall apart at the seams just as things were starting to move at a steady pace?

Taking a deep breath, Kyungsoo continued, “I was thinking, Jongin, that,” he swallowed thickly, “maybe we’re moving too fast for our own good. I’m not saying that I don’t want to do things with you, but... I really am starting to wonder if we’re doing things at the right speed. And I really don’t want you to regret all these things with me, when you’re looking back one day. Even now, we’re fighting like this and that’s already bad enough—”

“No, hyung,” Jongin cut him off, “I have to stop you right there. You know why?

“Because I wouldn’t regret any of my time with you, hyung. Not a single damned second, because I’d _know_ that I loved you. Whether five years or ten years from now, I’d know that I’m doing this right now with my heart in it. Even if you think that we’re going to break up in the seemingly near future, I would still look back fondly because you, or what we have, has made me a better man.”

Then he shook his head, holding back his frustration. “ _Why_ do you keep acting like me being in love with you is such a bad thing?” he asked. If anything, that was probably the root of all their problems; Kyungsoo’s constant self-doubt and anxiety.

Kyungsoo shrugged. He looked like he’d sunken into himself, deflated somehow. “Maybe I find it too hard for me to believe, still. I was the one who had feelings. I didn’t expect you to reciprocate them, let alone develop further feelings.”  

“Hyung. I _do_ love you, okay? It’s— It shouldn’t even be on the table at this point. I love you, full stop, and that’s it. There’s no hidden message before those three words or after it. So if we’ve established that for the next few days at least, then can we please, _please_ put the uncertain future aside for a while and just enjoy this Christmas together? Outside, for a few hours minimum?”

He put the wine bottle down and went over to Kyungsoo, unable to see him standing there like an abandoned child.

Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and felt him put his arms around Jongin’s waist too. Kyungsoo rested his head upon Jongin’s shoulder and they stood like that for a while, holding one another.

Even though Jongin was now touching him and trying to get his feelings across to Kyungsoo, he couldn’t help thinking if this was still somehow unresolved. Was it really just Christmas, or some other deeply buried, hidden doubts that Kyungsoo was still harbouring despite all that Jongin had said thus far?

He wanted desperately to go back to being with the Kyungsoo from before Sunday, when all of this had yet to happen. That Kyungsoo was fun, quiet yet sarcastic and someone that Jongin could fall in love with, and he knew that he was there, somewhere. He wasn’t going to consider Kyungsoo a lost case, not just yet. Jongin loved him, and was going to fight for Kyungsoo even if Kyungsoo himself didn’t want to. Someday, he wanted to see Kyungsoo let all of this negativity go.

When Kyungsoo pulled away, he looked much more like himself instead of a sad worrywart. He hung his arms loosely around Jongin’s neck, running his fingers lightly over Jongin’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. It’s Christmas, a time to forgive and to be with your favourite people,” Jongin replied, brushing the hair out of Kyungsoo’s eyes. He smiled up at Jongin gently.

“The library actually sounded really nice.”

“From the list?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo nodded. “Okay. We can do that. Do you know any libraries in Seoul?”

Kyungsoo gasped, “I do know a library, actually. It’s the oldest one just outside of Seoul, I think, and no one ever goes there. I mean, some people still do, but…” he smiled as he spoke to Jongin, and all he could think of was _finally_.

Perhaps the issue wasn’t completely resolved, but at least everything seemed better for now. Jongin took the mistletoe from Kyungsoo’s hand and leaned down to kiss him mid-sentence, holding him close. Kyungsoo surprised Jongin by kissing him back with unexpected enthusiasm, tonguing at Jongin’s mouth for a bit. When Jongin pulled away a few seconds later, there was a lovely flush across Kyungsoo’s cheeks.

It wasn’t the end to the problem yet, but it was still a start. Jongin loved Kyungsoo, and he liked to think that was more than enough to guide them both through this together.

*

Loud music. The TV. Noises from the kitchen, noises from the living room, noises from the neighbours on the other side of the wall.

There was so much going on around him even as he hid himself in the bathroom, Kyungsoo didn’t even know what to focus on anymore.

He flicked at the sparkling, silver tap and cupped his hands as cold water rushed out. It was ice cold, but it was just what he needed when he splashed it over his face. He relished in the prickling, almost painful sensation of the water hitting his skin. It was refreshing, like the bright sun after a long night.

 _Get yourself together_ , he thought sternly at his reflection. There was a hand towel and Kyungsoo patted it all over his face. He’d needed that splash of cold water.

Kyungsoo should’ve known better than to throw back drinks that Baekhyun had made without pausing to think what might be in it, but it’d been quite a while since he last attended any of Baekhyun’s parties. It was New Year’s Eve, and Kyungsoo could hear Luhan roaring with laughter at one of Baekhyun’s jokes.

 _It’s been_ so _long,_ Kyungsoo thought, slumping against the wall behind him, feeling melancholic and bittersweet all at the same time.

Alcohol usually brought that out in him. Which was exactly why Kyungsoo avoided alcohol most times, only sipping at drinks if the occasion called for it. The feeling wasn’t entirely unwelcome though; Kyungsoo finally had everything he wanted. Jongin, someone to kiss when the clock struck midnight, and his closest friends around him. All he’d ever asked for his entire life, more than he’d ever dared to even dream of in the first place right here in one place at the same time.

And Kyungsoo should’ve been happy. He should’ve been enjoying himself now that his wishes had been granted.

 _But_.

He couldn’t help feeling apprehensive despite the fact that everything was going so well. Yes, he had everything he ever wished for but he couldn’t deny that things were a little too good to be true. It was unreal that Jongin wanted to be with him, let alone love him.

 _‘I think I’m in love with you, hyung,’_ Jongin had whispered to him that night in China. When Kyungsoo heard him say those words, it brought tears to his eyes almost at once. He’d wanted it for so long, and it wasn’t that hard to believe that Jongin could love him at the time. It felt real, after all, when Jongin said that and then offered to share his space with Kyungsoo.

He had thought that this was it, the person he’d been waiting for. He’d finally found someone who actually loved him, understood him and wanted to know him as much he himself wanted to know Jongin. Against all the odds, Kim Jongin, worth millions and heir to one of the largest companies in Asia, had admitted that he loved a nobody like Do Kyungsoo. That was probably the happiest moment in his life.

Kyungsoo felt his eyes going misty. He blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay; now wasn’t the time to cry.

That was all good, everything that had happened in China. But Kyungsoo couldn’t accept it, was afraid to. How could he, with the words Jongin had said seven days before Christmas in a drunken stupor. He was _ashamed_ of what they were, of what they had. It hurt, and though it shattered Kyungsoo’s dreams like glass against rock, the truth was finally out and he understood.

 He didn’t know what he thinking anyway. That Jongin would be proud of him one day? Walk Kyungsoo on his arm down a street in public?

Would Jongin actually do all those things if he’d looked a little closer at Kyungsoo? He practically came from nothing, had no property of his own, next to nothing in his savings accounts. It was a question that begged to be answered, and Kyungsoo knew the answer without having to think hard.

 _Jongin wouldn’t_ , Kyungsoo thought. He wouldn’t love Kyungsoo. No one would, ever.

And when they’d argued a few days before Christmas, Kyungsoo had come very close to confronting Jongin about what he’d said that night. But he couldn’t, his throat kept closing up whenever he tried, so he wanted to cut things off and just make things easier for Jongin because why keep up the pretense of a relationship if he felt ashamed about it?

Kyungsoo supposed he should’ve been thankful to Jongin’s weakness for alcohol. If he’d never gotten wasted that night, Kyungsoo would never have known what he was truly thinking and would’ve gone about like a fool, thinking that Jongin really had feelings for him.

But Kyungsoo was stubborn. He couldn’t deny that he still wanted to give this one last try. Jongin always had a way with words that made Kyungsoo weak for him, and he’d seemed so genuinely sincere when he insisted that he loved Kyungsoo. He just prayed that Jongin had meant everything he said while they were arguing.

If he still had something left for Kyungsoo, a spark or a weak flame, Kyungsoo would take it. He didn’t want this to end, not yet, because Kyungsoo didn’t know if he had the capacity to love someone else other than Jongin.

Caving in, Kyungsoo swept all his emotions aside and determinedly spent Christmas exactly the way Jongin wanted. He made a traditional Korean lunch with fourteen specific side dishes because that was what Jongin used to have on Christmas day with his family. Later, Jongin bought a ton of Christmas snacks and they went to the library, sneaking in everything he’d bought under their jackets and read their favorite novels together till it was time for closing. Kyungsoo tried his damned hardest to be the best he could be for Jongin, working to keep the relationship alive.

Days quickly flew by, and before Kyungsoo knew it, it was New Year’s Eve and Baekhyun had insisted that they come over.

It was a small party with just them, Baekhyun and Luhan in Baekhyun’s two-bedroom apartment, and though Kyungsoo was worried that they wouldn’t get along, Jongin proved him wrong by settling with them quite nicely. Another reason why Kyungsoo loved Jongin and wanted so badly to remain in Jongin’s heart.

For now, he was almost certain that Jongin still maintained some affection for him, and that was enough to keep him going. He’d try harder to be someone whom Jongin could love and pretend that everything was fine, long enough for as long as Jongin still wanted him.

There was an abrupt knock on the door, startling Kyungsoo out of his thoughts.

“Hyung?” Jongin called from outside.

Kyungsoo glanced at the mirror to make sure his eyes weren’t too red around the edges and fumbled for the door, unlocking it and pulling it aside.

“Jongin? Is something wrong?” he asked.

He couldn’t see anything wrong with Jongin; he still looked great with his tousled hair and bronze skin. Jongin had taken little effort to dress up for Baekhyun’s party, but he still managed to look presentable in a simple turtleneck and jeans.

It wasn’t hard for Kyungsoo to see the irony in the notion that Jongin could be in love with him. They hardly matched in terms of appearance, never mind their financial background and family ties. Kyungsoo was just lucky to be able to bask in the warmth of Jongin’s attention.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jongin smiled gently at him, reaching out to take Kyungsoo’s hand, “unless _you_ have a problem. You’ve been in the bathroom for almost ten minutes,” Jongin said in a concerned voice.

Kyungsoo laughed it off somewhat nervously. He hoped it passed as a drunk laugh. “My head hurts from all the drinks. I think Baekhyun’s been putting two shots into everything instead of one,” he said, tightening his fingers around Jongin’s hand. It felt nice to be physically close to him, if not emotionally. God, he loved Jongin so much.

Jongin chuckled at Kyungsoo. “Well, it’s almost midnight. You’re gonna have to come out of the bathroom if you want to have your New Year’s kiss,” Jongin smirked.

Kyungsoo smiled in embarrassment. “Right,” he said, stepping out of the bathroom. The air was cooler out in the hallway and Kyungsoo shivered a little under his sweater. Jongin looked down at him and drew an arm over Kyungsoo, pressing a kiss to his temple. He could almost pretend that there was nothing wrong during quiet moments like this, when nothing was expected from one another. It felt like they really could be in love.

 Baekhyun glanced up at them when they emerged from around the corner. He was nursing a neon pink drink in his hand, legs propped up on one of his leather chairs. “Oh, you guys are here. I was starting to think that you were getting it on in my bathroom or something,” Baekhyun said.

Jongin’s lips crumpled into a flat line and the tips of his ears went red while Kyungsoo tutted once at Baekhyun threateningly. He giggled into his drink, waving a hand coquettishly at them.

“Just kidding. If I really thought so, I would’ve gone in to break it up anyway,” Baekhyun said dismissively. Luhan munched on a packet of crisps beside him, staring at the TV with glazed over eyes. There was some live countdown event airing, and the clock in the upper left corner indicated that there was only 3 minutes left in the year.

“So I don’t want to seem like a party pooper but I really didn’t think I’d be partner-less tonight,” Baekhyun quipped.

Luhan whipped his head around. “I wouldn’t mind kissing you. I’m drunk enough for it, as it is,” he said, and Baekhyun kicked at him delicately with a socked foot in mock disgust. “Are you coming onto me?” he squealed.

Kyungsoo laughed and leaned closer into Jongin. Obviously, he was the lucky one this time to have someone to kiss the very second this year transitioned into the next. He did think it strange when Baekhyun invited them over without others as well to make it a real party, but he supposed Baekhyun was being considerate about their need for privacy.

It was nice of his friends to include Jongin like this, but Kyungsoo briefly wondered if it was unnecessary. _I don’t even know if we’ll be together next month,_ Kyungsoo thought.

Jongin seemed to sense his unease and glanced at him, glimpsing Kyungsoo’s expression. “Hey,” he said, patting Kyungsoo, “you alright?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo said automatically, “just the drinks, I think.”

“Mm. Do you have your New Year’s resolution all thought of and prepared already?” Jongin asked, probably to distract Kyungsoo. He was grateful for it and shrugged.

“I usually just hope I have enough of everything to survive living, honestly. I don’t think that needs to change just yet,” Kyungsoo replied. Jongin gave him an unreadable look and rubbed his arm up and down in a soothing manner. In the background, Luhan pointed at the TV excitedly when the clock ticked down to two minutes.

“We’ll be fine, hyung. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs in less than a year and well, we’re still going strong, right?” Jongin said with a boyish smile.

Kyungsoo loved that smile, wanted to keep it in his heart every time he saw it. There was so much hope in his eyes, more than Kyungsoo expected. “I guess so,” he agreed.

When the seconds ran out and trickled into ten, nine, eight, Kyungsoo took a deep breath and held onto Jongin for support. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly for Jongin, didn’t understand how he could be so important to him and why it was so hard to let him go. All he knew was that he wanted Jongin to love him and would do almost anything to be his one and only. _Anything_ , Kyungsoo thought, looking up into Jongin’s sweet, brown eyes.

“Three… two… one!” Baekhyun shrieked.

He popped some confetti and danced around the room with Luhan noisily just as Jongin leaned down and kissed Kyungsoo, his mouth familiar over Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo gripped Jongin’s arm, feeling his tears threatening to spill over once again.

 _I want to keep him_ , Kyungsoo thought desperately, sending his thoughts to whichever deity was listening up in the sky.

_Let me love him, even if he doesn’t love me back as much. I just… I just want him to stay._


	22. so we're slaves to any semblance of touch (lord, we should quit but we love it too much)

Jongin frowned, reading the report again. Although the words were swimming before him and he could feel tears of drowsiness in his eyes, something still wasn’t adding up.

He couldn’t quite believe it, but the economy really was starting to slip. Slowly but surely, it was going down steadily and Accuretta was starting to feel the backlash already. From what the report was saying, profits were dropping at an alarming rate and something had to give soon.

Either he started cutting back severely on expenses, or risk suffering a great loss. Jongin ran a hand through his hair, muttering under his breath to himself.

Jongin was in the first major meeting of the year with the other board members, and everyone was currently discussing the economic situation at great length. Even though he didn’t quite believe it at the time, Jongin was now grateful for Suho’s advice on cutting back a little bit on their budgets and expenditures. He had not taken things quite seriously last month, but for now there seemed to be time to hold off future plans for the company till the economy was doing a little better.

However, if things didn’t improve within January or so, they were going to have to put that list Suho had come up with in December to use.

It was the easiest way to cut back, he had to admit, since Accuretta had been taking in a bit more people the past few years. But it wasn’t going to be pretty; and as if firing people wasn’t bad enough, there was still one person in particular whom Jongin couldn’t bring himself to fire.

 _I’m going to have to warn Kyungsoo about this tonight_ , Jongin thought, making a mental note in the back of his head to bring it up later. He didn’t check the list for Kyungsoo’s name, but there was definitely a risk if he wasn’t too high up on the social ladder. He had to pull Kyungsoo out soon, so he wouldn’t suffer too much.

“… aim for lower costs from now on. And— Mr. Kim?” the sound of someone calling his name had Jongin snapping to attention. He looked up from the report on his lap and saw Suho staring at him pointedly from the other end of the table.

“Yeah? I’m listening,” he replied. The other board members laughed quietly, covering their smiles.

Jongin smiled blandly out of confusion, lifting his eyebrows at Suho. “Just making sure you weren’t falling asleep,” Suho replied, tongue in cheek. _Oh, for fuck’s sake_ , Jongin thought, feeling just a tiny bit embarrassed. Just because he used to fall asleep in this very same meeting room last year did not mean he would fall asleep _now_ (although his leather seat was really comfy); he was a changed man, by all means.

Did the board members actually think he was going to fall asleep when the economy was going to shit, possibly dragging Accuretta down with it as well? Jongin chuckled darkly. _Guess, that’s the board members for you_ , he thought.

Behind their smiling, shit-eating faces, they were probably just waiting for him to fuck up so they could take his spot. And if given the choice, Jongin would’ve handed the company over to them, any of them, without a fight. Accuretta could go to Suho for all Jongin cared; he would do a much better job at taking care of it anyway.

 _It’s not like I wanna sit here and pretend I’m enjoying this anyway_ , Jongin thought, pursing his lips. Meanwhile, Suho laughed the whole ordeal off and started to talk again, motioning at the board behind him animatedly.

Jongin rubbed at his eyes wearily; speaking of staying awake, he hadn’t been getting much sleep lately.

Every day since around Christmas time last year, Jongin had been getting up extra early to make coffee and go over the previous day’s work before heading to the office at 7 in the morning to get a good head start on everything. The hours would pass slowly or quickly, depending on how shitty work was, but regardless the day would transition into night, and by then he’d be back in his apartment with Kyungsoo, having dinner with him or staying at the office till late to make sure everything was on the right track.

On late nights like these, he’d visit the gym where there would be no one around to see him panting on the treadmill. By the time he made his way home, he’d see his dinner sitting on top of the microwave and Kyungsoo draped over the sofa, looking as worn out as Jongin was.

Jongin would carry him into bed, eat his dinner (usually cold, so it could go down faster) and then join Kyungsoo. And in the morning, the cycle would repeat itself once again like clockwork.

Though routine was good, since it kept him focused and on top of everything, Jongin didn’t quite like it. He just didn’t like how rigid it felt, as if there was only one way he could spend his time when he knew, clearly, there were other ways. In example, he could spend his days with Kyungsoo, or sleeping in bed till the cold weather broke to welcome spring. Or both.

He didn’t quite _hate_ his life’s direction right now (he liked to think that was far too strong a word to use), but if he was going to be stuck in this loop then he would come to resent it soon; he knew himself after all.

And what he actually wanted was just a bit of time with Kyungsoo, nothing more.

Jongin couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but he noticed that Kyungsoo had been very tired and worn out the past few days. Kyungsoo claimed it was the heavy work load at his own office, though it looked more like he was mentally weighed down by something else. Jongin never quite found the time to get it out of Kyungsoo thanks to their conflicting schedules.

Therefore, Jongin thought that they both deserved at least one day off considering that it was their birthday month now.

He knew that this year had only just started; they’d only gotten a little more than a solid week into January, but he did have a mandatory maximum of three days off work, so what better month to put those days to use? _I should probably get him a gift this time around_ , Jongin mused, pretending to turn a page in his report.

At Christmas and New Year’s, Kyungsoo had rejected all of Jongin’s offers of getting him a gift. He was as stubborn as a mule on the matter, insisting that there was absolutely nothing he wanted and therefore there was nothing that Jongin could get him. Dejected, Jongin backed off on the matter but now that this was a new year and one was supposed to get used to change and all that jazz, Jongin was definitely planning on surprising Kyungsoo with a gift on his birthday this weekend. He just didn’t know what.

Mr. Google could probably help him out on this just as he always did whenever Jongin needed some ideas. But he wanted to abstain from other influences and see if he couldn’t find something to gift Kyungsoo all on his own. It meant that he could probably give the present a personal touch and also originality, because that was what Kyungsoo deserved; sincerity.

Jongin glanced at his watch on his wrist; the meeting was due to end in twenty minutes or so. He could probably head out then for lunch and maybe walk around to find a gift. At least now, he had something to look forward to when he returned to his office.

Tapping his foot impatiently, Jongin tried to concentrate on what Suho was jabbering about to while the minutes away. On his right, less than a metre away, Sehun caught his eye and cocked his head to one side questioningly.

Jongin shook his head, trying to indicate that nothing was wrong. But of course, in classic Sehun fashion, his personal assistant just squinted at him suspiciously like Jongin was some kind of criminal whom Sehun wanted to put behind bars very badly.

Jongin made a face at him behind his hand when Suho turned away.

When the meeting finally came to a close, Jongin got up and stretched languidly, bones cracking here and there. Sehun immediately came over and jabbed him in the ribs (right where it both tickled and hurt) and Jongin jumped, half laughing and half scowling in annoyance.

“What?” he tried to say snappily.

“What the fuck were you thinking about halfway during the meeting?” Sehun demanded. _Ah, here we go again_ , Jongin rolled his eyes at Sehun.

“Don’t pretend otherwise. You were on your way to falling asleep before you just suddenly sat up and looking around the office like you were daydreaming about something—” Jongin’s scowl was so ugly that Sehun stopped to stare for a moment.

“Wow, it really doesn’t take much for ugly people to look even uglier,” Sehun remarked. Jongin picked up his report and slapped it across Sehun’s broad chest.

“Shut it. And I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Jongin said breezily, brushing past him with a bright smile on his face. Sehun’s expression was one of utter disgust and disdain as he turned to follow Jongin out of the meeting room, holding Jongin’s things. He didn’t get to say anything right away since business was still business and they had to wish the other board members properly before they started off towards Jongin’s office.

That was when he piped up once more, “So? What were you thinking about, Jongin?”

Jongin looked at him without losing momentum in his stride. “Nothing of consequence. Why? Are you going to arrest me for not paying attention at the meeting?”

Sehun grabbed his arm abruptly, stopping him in his tracks. Jongin was wearing his favourite Armani suit today, he hoped Sehun didn’t crumple it or the dry cleaning bill would have to be paid for with his salary…

“Jongin, I’m serious,” Sehun said solemnly, eyebrows furrowed together like he was trying to read Jongin’s mind. “I’m serious too,” Jongin replied nonchalantly, glancing down the hallway; lucky for Jongin, no one was looking in their direction. He patted Sehun’s hand once and plucked it off his arm.

“It was nothing big, Sehun, I swear. I was just distracting myself from the meeting ‘cause it was _so_ boring,” Jongin pretended to sigh. At least that was the truth, in a way. Suho wasn’t exactly fun to listen to, passionate though he may be about Accuretta and its position in the market.

Sehun looked slightly relieved at that, the tension bleeding out of his posture just a little. “Good then. I know it’s been a bumpy road for you, and to be honest,” Sehun sighed, “I think it’s going to be a little harder for the next few months. Despite what Suho was saying just now, I don’t think cutting costs is gonna be enough. You really might have to start letting some people go.”

Jongin blinked at him. “You serious?” he asked incredulously. Sehun nodded grimly.

“I know Suho gave you that list from the HR department. It’s just mostly staff who aren’t doing well enough or those whom people have been complaining about. You might wanna look it over today,” Sehun shrugged.

“Hm,” Jongin frowned. Well, he certainly wasn’t looking forward to _that_ later on. “Okay then… but I’m going out now for lunch, so I’ll probably come back and start on that,” Jongin said.

Sehun lifted an eyebrow at him. “You’re going out for lunch? _Alone_? This is… new,” he commented, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Yes. It is a new year after all. Time to be doing some new things,” Jongin said wisely, nodding at Sehun in affirmation. Sehun just went ‘huh’ and stood back, assessing Jongin with judgemental gaze. Jongin just shrugged at him.

“Anyway, I’m gonna go get my coat now, and head out. I’ll be back in an hour or so, and if anything comes up just call me. You know, the usual,” Jongin sent him what was meant to be a reassuring smile and started to walk again. Sehun didn’t follow, staring after him like he didn’t quite trust Jongin. It wasn’t Jongin’s job to convince him about what he did during his lunch hour, so Jongin waved bye and entered his office.

-

Jongin peeked into a shop window, admiring the little keychains and accessories sold inside the shop. It was a tiny little shop lot, sunk slightly below the sidewalk level. There was a couple inside, attended by a young girl who looked like she could be a college student. Jongin looked around for a little bit, trying to see if there was something he liked, before he just stepped back.

 _Kyungsoo probably doesn’t like keychains,_ Jongin thought. Besides, Jongin wouldn’t know what kind of keychain to get him anyway; a little penguin? A heart? It sounded way too elementary school. With a loud exhale, Jongin moved on.

There wasn’t much people around in Dongdaemun today, mostly people around Jongin’s age on their way to or back from lunch. It worked in Jongin’s favour because not much people were paying attention to him as he walked around, glancing into each and every shop to see what they had to offer.

So far, nothing was jumping out at him and Jongin was already starting to wonder if the gloves he’d given Kyungsoo last year was the only thing he could give him.

He was thinking of buying Kyungsoo a scarf maybe, but then he dismissed the idea when he entered a few boutiques to check out the quality. Nothing beat Versace’s silk scarves or Burberry’s signature cashmere scarves; everything just fell short. They felt scratchy or way too stiff, like rayon. And Jongin didn’t want to get something cheap but of awful quality for Kyungsoo because that would just be pathetic.

Therefore, he had to get something that didn’t need to be branded to be good, which was pretty hard since Jongin knew what the best was like and everything else just seemed slightly below his standard. Plus, Kyungsoo would probably kill him if it costed anything above a hundred bucks.

Shopping for Kyungsoo was, needless to say, harder than he thought.

He was glad now that he decided to have lunch first before he started on his shopping trip. Jongin had been far too excited to get something for Kyungsoo to bother about lunch properly, so he just had some Chinese dim sum at a familiar restaurant in the area. The dim sum dishes there were filling even though they looked small and for the first time, he left after ordering only five dishes or so.

But he was grateful for it now, because it was starting to look like snow and he had yet to finish up with shopping. The skies were dark and heavy, somewhat ominous on what was supposed to be a pleasant day.

Still, Jongin wasn’t going to give up yet. Dongdaemun was a pretty big area and he’d only just started. Digging his hands deep into his coat pockets, Jongin trudged on determinedly.

 _The question is, what should I get?_ he asked himself. Something Kyungsoo could use, or something just for keepsakes? Something that was just decorative would be a little harder, since Kyungsoo didn’t seem to own anything just for the sake of owning it, apart from the pictures in the spare room. Jongin briefly wondered if he should’ve gotten him a picture frame or a photo album. Or maybe a Polaroid.

His breath condensed into a misty cloud as Jongin continued to walk on, lost in his thoughts. He skipped clothing stores and the like; there was no hope in that department for sure.

Jongin had to walk at least three more blocks before other shops began to emerge, selling fanciful food or prettily coloured beverages. It was all pretty cute but on the expensive side too since this was Dongdaemun. Jongin stayed a good distance away, trying to see if there were any other kinds of shops instead, like antique stores or novelty item stores. Maybe Jongin could get Kyungsoo an antique pendant to wear around his neck or something; he could tell him it was haunted then at least it’d be something special.

Sadly, he soon found himself at the end of the block without spotting a shop worth entering. 

 _Is there really nothing here in Dongdaemun?_ Jongin thought desperately, looking around. Oh Jesus, at this point he might as well just get Kyungsoo a belt or something from Hermes, at least it was functional though it wasn’t romantic at all. _Unless he wants me to spank him with it,_ Jongin smiled to himself. Now _that_ was an idea.

He was just about to pull out his phone and dial Mr. Lee to pick him up and go over to Cheongdamdong where the Hermes outlet was, when Jongin spotted a lone table in front of a shop just a few feet ahead of him on the sidewalk.

He squinted, trying to see what was set out on the table and walked over curiously; what was the harm in trying one last time, right?

Jongin tucked his phone into his pocket when he approached the unmanned table. From what he could tell, the shop seemed to be selling little plants in tiny pots. It was a surprise, since it was winter and the last thing he expected was a shop selling plants. But they weren’t flowers or regular plants; they looked like baby cacti, arranged neatly in rows that covered the entire table. Some looked like aloe vera plants while others looked like plastic plants, in varying shades of purple, maroon or green. They looked pretty sad out on a table in the cold like this.

He looked up at the store, trying to see if there was anyone who could tell him more about these cute plants. He wanted to know if they were even real plants in the first place and went up to the entrance, pushing the door open. Inside, it was much warmer, and all sorts of gardening tools and packets of soil greeted Jongin.

 _Smells kinda damp in here_ , Jongin noted, wrinkling his nose. It was probably from all the soil. “Hello?” he called.

“Yes? Can I help you?” a guy appeared in the back of the shop. He was a middle aged man with thinning hair and glasses perched on the bridge of his nose; Jongin couldn’t help but think this man fitted his surroundings perfectly. He looked like an honest-to-God gardening enthusiast, overalls and all.

“Yeah, um, I was looking at the plants you had outside on the table? What are they?” Jongin asked, pointing with a thumb.

The man brightened at once. “Ah, yes. They’re called succulents,” he informed Jongin. _Succulents_ , Jongin thought. Not something he’d ever heard of. Perhaps they’d be more promising than a scarf. 

*

“Shit, this is cold,” Jongin cursed as Kyungsoo placed the mask over Jongin’s face carefully. Kyungsoo laughed at him, tapping the face mask down onto Jongin’s skin with his fingertips. “Stop complaining. It’s supposed to be more effective if it’s cold,” Kyungsoo replied, still laughing as he smoothened the mask in some places. “There. You’re gonna look twice as pretty now,” he patted Jongin’s neck once he was done, proud of his work.

Jongin was pretty sure he looked like a mummy with the cold ass mask on (though it smelled nice, like passion fruit and orange juice); they never made anyone look good despite their benefits for one’s skin.

 “I feel like it’s freezing my face slowly,” Jongin said stiffly, trying not to move his facial muscles too much. 

He’d never tried out a face mask before (his sisters looked terribly unattractive with them on when he was younger), but since Kyungsoo received two free samples from a female colleague today who was giving them out for a friend, he thought why not try them out?

Surprising both himself and Kyungsoo, Jongin actually came home early today, right around dinner time. “It’s not even ten yet,” Kyungsoo had said, eyes practically popping out of his skull when Jongin came through the front door.

“Glad you missed me then,” Jongin had replied dryly.

They ate, and after lounging for an hour or so with nothing to watch on TV, they decided to turn out the lights in the living room except in the kitchen to put on the face masks. Kyungsoo took them out from the fridge right after they washed their faces, hence the cold-as-fuck temperatures. Jongin would consider himself lucky if he still had a face after this. He did not appreciate the Deadpool, wrinkly avocado face look.

“It’s your turn now, let me put it on for you,” Jongin said, gesturing for Kyungsoo to pass it to him. Kyungsoo ripped it open and held the face mask out with his fingers to Jongin.

“Okay, brace yourself for it,” Jongin said, bringing it close to Kyungsoo’s face.

Kyungsoo just hummed in response, holding his face up expectantly with his eyes closed. 

He placed it over Kyungsoo’s forehead first, expecting him to stiffen from the cold or have some other reaction, but instead Kyungsoo just waited without moving. Jongin caressed the face mask around the edges once it was in place, smoothening it over Kyungsoo’s pale skin. Kyungsoo looked quite hilarious actually, with the mask on. Without his eyebrows to complement his eyes, he almost looked like a cartoon character on TV (but Jongin didn’t laugh for fear of his life).

Jongin gave him a look of disbelief. “Isn’t it cold for you at all?” he asked.

“It’s only cold for you,” Kyungsoo said easily, smiling at Jongin. Pouting, Jongin sat beside him with a hand on his thighs. “You took it right out of the fridge though…”

Kyungsoo’s fingers immediately went into Jongin’s hair at once, running through the strands affectionately. Jongin poked him in the chest lightly. “Oh, grow a pair,” Kyungsoo scoffed, swatting his hand away. Jongin bit his lip, lifting his eyebrows playfully.

“But I already _have_ a pair. Always had ‘em since birth—”

“Get _off_ ,” Kyungsoo shrieked, pushing him away at once. Jongin burst into laughter, moving back a few inches. Kyungsoo was blushing beneath his mask, though he didn’t look too amused. Jongin just curled up, stifling his laughter behind a fist. It had to be said; Kyungsoo had an awfully expressive face.

Jongin wondered how he would react to his gift later on. _And the bad news too_ , Jongin grimaced to himself, scrunching his nose up.

Kyungsoo squinted at him and rearranged the edges of his face mask tetchily. Jongin supposed there was no better time than the present anyway, and began to inch his seat closer to Kyungsoo. “Don’t come near me if you’re going to tell me more bad jokes,” Kyungsoo threatened, “I didn’t sign up for your rubbish.”

“I’ll try not to amuse you,” Jongin acquiesced, kicking a leg over Kyungsoo’s. He received a dirty look for it, but Kyungsoo didn’t do anything else.

“Okay, so I have two things I wanted to tell you about tonight. One is pretty serious, the other is a fun question,” Jongin said, throwing a hand carelessly over Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Suspicious, Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at him.

“Tell me the serious one first, of course,” Kyungsoo replied cautiously.

Jongin nodded once. “Alright. It’s actually not that bad if you see it in a different way but—”

“Just say it first, then I’ll decide how bad it is,” Kyungsoo interrupted him. Jongin blinked. “Don’t kill me though. Okay?”

“ _Jongin_.”

“Alright, hyung, I’ll tell you,” Jongin laughed at Kyungsoo’s impatience, “Um. Well, the board members had a meeting today,” he started off. Kyungsoo nodded along, processing the words carefully.

“And thanks to the economy slipping down like a mudslide in slow motion, we’ve— Well, I didn’t want to do it, but it more or less seems inevitable anyway, but the board is thinking of letting a few people go. When I say a few, I mean at least hundreds.” Jongin paused, waiting for a nuclear bomb to go off, or for Kyungsoo to break his neck.

Instead, beside Jongin, Kyungsoo sucked in a deep breath and furrowed his eyebrows together. He didn’t say anything, and Jongin stared closely.

“Is this... your idea of firing me, then?” he asked after an entire minute.

“What? No, I’m not firing you,” Jongin replied quickly, “but I am telling you this so you can pull out and resign while you still can. If you do it now, then you still have some pride left.”

Kyungsoo dropped his head into his hands, moaning low in his throat. Jongin widened his eyes, shaking Kyungsoo by the shoulders.

“H-Hey, you’re not crying, right?” Jongin asked, trying to see if the waterworks had started yet.

“No,” Kyungsoo said loudly, massaging his forehead like he had the biggest headache of the century. Jongin winced, patting his back awkwardly. At the very least, he had given him a warning rather than waiting till the economy crashed and went out with a bang and take Kyungsoo out with it (he dreaded to think what would happen if he had kept quiet on this matter).

It took Kyungsoo a full two minutes to recover from the shock of the news, sitting up with a blank look in his eyes and sighing like he’d just lost everything. Jongin could sympathize; he wouldn’t know the first thing to do if he didn’t have a job anymore.

It wasn’t going to be easy for Kyungsoo; Jongin pulled him in for a hug, pecking the top of his head gently.

“Do you need some water or something?” Jongin asked, unsure of how to comfort Kyungsoo on this. Kyungsoo shook his head, patting him back half-heartedly. “No,” Kyungsoo said wearily, “thanks for warning me first. I’ll have to put in a resignation letter tomorrow, probably.”

“Maybe not right away, hyung, you could still work till the end of the month if you wanted to and get paid in full,” Jongin tried to protest. For all his hardships and low pay, Kyungsoo actually seemed to enjoy his work to an extent, Jongin knew. It was perfect for him since he never had to deal with new people on a daily basis and he could keep a low profile so long as he did his work.

“No, I might as well just leave now,” Kyungsoo mumbled, feeling his mask, “I’ll probably get around fifty or eighty dollars for the days I put in so far but it can’t be helped. Like you said, the economy is bad, so it’s better to leave earlier. I’ve heard people talking at the office today too, and it’s supposed to collapse anytime soon.”

Jongin hummed as understandingly as possible, leaning on Kyungsoo.

It was going to be difficult to find another job that suited him, and especially with the shaky economy, people could also just turn him down anyway. Jongin didn’t want that for him but some things he just couldn’t change for Kyungsoo.

The most he could do was try to support him and hold his hand throughout the storm till Kyungsoo could stand on his own two feet again.

“I still get to live here though, right?” Kyungsoo deadpanned. It was Jongin’s turn to give him a strange look. “By leaving Accuretta, it means you don’t need to obey the rules of the company anymore and therefore you are free to sleep with whoever the hell you want, including me,” Jongin pointed at himself, smiling, “ _Of_ _course_ you can still live here.”

Kyungsoo snorted, laughing in disbelief. “Is that the first thing you think of? How primitive of you,” he said. If Jongin didn’t know better, he would’ve thought Kyungsoo was flirting with him.

“If you didn’t have that mask on, I would kiss you really hard now,” Jongin remarked, caressing his bottom lip with a finger. Kyungsoo smiled shyly, eyes downcast. “I’ll keep that thought in mind… so what was your other news?” he asked.

Damn, Jongin had almost forgotten about that. He was about to tackle Kyungsoo over and just show him what they could be doing more often now that Kyungsoo would probably be home on most days but he composed himself in time to say, “Oh, that. I was just wondering what you feel about surprises?”

Kyungsoo went back into his suspicious mode; Jongin was starting to wonder if Kyungsoo and Sehun weren’t actually best friends behind his back and were constantly questioning his every move. Why did they always assume the worst out of Jongin? It was actually mildly offensive.

“I… don’t quite like them. Why? Have you planned some sort of awful party where you invite everyone to drink and get drunk and puke everywhere in your apartment so I have to clean up in the morning—”

“Even if I did throw such an ‘awful’ party, hyung, it wouldn’t be here in my apartment because first of all, I don’t like my couch to smell of regurgitated meals,” Jongin cut him off smoothly, “And furthermore, no, it’s not a party because it doesn’t take a genius to know you don’t really like them. Plus, parties are expensive.” Jongin sent him a sly gaze.

“I didn’t spend a lot _at all_. Are you happy about that, even though most people would understandably be displeased by that fact?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo mused his answer, chewing his lower lip. “Can you not make it sound like I want something you picked up from the thrift shop though?”

“I did no such thing,” Jongin protested, “it was a perfectly _normal_ priced item, and it was actually quite hard to find considering that I walked all over Dongdaemun just to get something that was befitting for the occasion and also falls into your ridiculous range of money I’m allowed to spend on you—”

“I wouldn’t want you to regret it later, y’know. What if you bought me thousands of dollars’ worth of jewellery and we broke up next week, what would you do with it?” Kyungsoo chided him.

“Tell you to keep it?” Jongin suggested. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, picking up a pillow and biffing it over Jongin’s head. “Stop acting like money is water, Jongin. Save it up for like, I dunno, investments or something. Don’t just waste it over things you don’t actually need.”

Jongin covered his head as Kyungsoo poked Jongin in the ribs, laughing as he tried to get a word in.

“Ah, fine, hyung, fine!” he said, trying to grab his fingers.

By now they were both laughing, and Jongin struggled to hold Kyungsoo’s arms down, a little breathless. His mask was probably messed up now and he was sure they looked quite mad with their all-white faces and squabbling in the kitchen like small children.

“Hyung, hyung, listen,” Jongin said, a big grin on his face as he stood up and huddled before Kyungsoo so he couldn’t move. Kyungsoo would probably hit him for real but he wanted to say this anyway. “I don’t think spending a lot of money on you is a waste. Why?” he paused for effect, then continued in a serious voice, “because I need you in my life. I really do, hyung.”

Kyungsoo’s screams of embarrassment was so loud, Jongin was sure even the people living three floors down could hear him, followed by their snorts of shameless laughter.

*

Jongin placed the potted succulents on the dresser carefully, as soundlessly as possible, practically holding his breath as he shifted it into place so it would be the first thing Kyungsoo would see once he opened his eyes.

As soon as the angle was right and the sunlight brought out the green in the succulents, Jongin stared at Kyungsoo’s sleeping face pointedly, making sure he was still fast asleep.

All was going well so far. Jongin then tiptoed towards the end of the bed where he had left the takeout McDonald’s breakfast meal he’d bought for Kyungsoo and picked it up, wincing when the paper bag crunched in his grip.

Kyungsoo jolted slightly in his sleep, turning here and there. Jongin halted in his tracks, waiting for him to stop moving before he climbed back onto the bed, trying not to jostle Kyungsoo awake. He wasn’t exactly a heavy sleeper, unfortunately for Jongin, and Kyungsoo’s nose started to pick up the smell of scrambled eggs and McMuffins before he was even ready to shake Kyungsoo awake.

Groaning, Kyungsoo started to turn towards Jongin, who panicked and stayed frozen in his position on the bed. Something hard was poking into his butt, but he didn’t move a muscle till Kyungsoo sighed and went limp again, smacking his lips together languidly.

“Jongin?” he mumbled.

Jongin hummed in his throat, voice cracking halfway.

“Are you burning something in the kitchen?” Kyungsoo asked. One of his eyes started to slip open, and Jongin quickly placed his hand over his eyes. Kyungsoo sputtered and was about to put up a fight before Jongin placated him by saying, “Trust me, hyung, I don’t even want to try cooking in the kitchen.”

“Then why are you covering my eyes? It’s like six a.m., Jongin—”

“It’s actually half past eight, and it’s your birthday today, hyung. You wouldn’t let me wish you at midnight, so you’re going to have to be up early to celebrate,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo sighed in resignation, hands falling to his sides.

“Okay. Fine. What’s your surprise that can’t wait till I’m more sentient later during the day?” Kyungsoo asked grumpily.

“Why don’t you open your eyes and see?” Jongin said brightly, and lifted his hand from Kyungsoo’s eyes. He looked around blearily, eyebrows furrowed together, and looked at the brown paper bag in Jongin’s hands. A smile formed on his lips despite everything, and he laughed in disbelief as Jongin brought out Kyungsoo’s breakfast.

“A breakfast not made by me or you, but by the experts down at McDonald’s,” Jongin announced proudly, “There’s two of everything for us, and guess what? This isn’t even the entirety of your birthday gift yet, hyung. Turn around and have a look,” Jongin gestured over Kyungsoo’s shoulder shyly.

“Oh God, Jongin, this is just so…” he trailed off, turning around and laughing even harder at the sight of the succulents, all snug in their cute little pot with colourful pebbles to cover the soil. Kyungsoo had to be a psychopath to not like it; it was _so_ gay and pretty.

“Oh my God, Jongin, what the hell is this?” he asked, looking completely surprised, bewildered even. He rubbed at his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jongin kicked away the covers to set Kyungsoo’s breakfast down on the mattress, adjusting himself so he could sit cross-legged on the mattress. Turns out that he’d been sitting on a hard corner of his covers.

“They’re called succulents, hyung,” Jongin informed him with a smile, “kinda like fancy, really cute cacti. Did you know cacti is plural for cactus? I didn’t,” Jongin said, snatching up a small bite of hash browns into his mouth.

Kyungsoo sat up, staring at the succulents like they were some kind of fascinating exhibit at the museum. At the man’s suggestion, Jongin picked out one that looked like a purple flower, its leaves large and spilling out of its pot. Then he chose a similar one except its leaves were pink tipped, and the plant was yellow towards the centre. The next one looked more like coral, or a straggly mini tree. It was entirely dark green and didn’t look like much, but the man promised Jongin that this particular one would flower if cared for properly. Jongin liked it; that could be another surprise in a way, if it flowered sometime next year.

The final succulent didn’t look like the rest; it grew up and out of the pot with its thick leaves, taller than the others by a good inch. It was green, but looked like it had been dusted over with a thin layer of icing sugar. If Jongin squinted, they looked a little like green fingers.

Regardless, Jongin liked the way they looked collectively, liked how they looked like one big, happy family in the pot.

“What are we supposed to do with it?” Kyungsoo asked, reaching out hesitantly to touch one of the succulents. Jongin shrugged, “Take care of it together, I guess? I don’t know about you but I’m naming them Janggu, Monggu and Jangah in no particular order. You can name the last one since I can’t seem to think of any other names.”

“Who the hell names their plants?” Kyungsoo asked, a face splitting grin on his face.

“We do,” Jongin replied in all seriousness, “now eat your breakfast before it gets cold, hyung. What do you want first, pancakes, McMuffins… what?”

“I’ll have a little bit of everything, please,” Kyungsoo replied obediently, turning to face Jongin while rubbing the last remnants of sleep out of his eyes. He nodded and began to concentrate on distributing the food equally between the containers, placing the plastic cutleries to the side (he had picked up quite a few table manners from Kyungsoo) once they both had each of everything. Even Kyungsoo looked a little impressed once Jongin served him his food.

“Wait, hyung, before you eat,” Jongin suddenly remembering something. Kyungsoo was already cutting his pancakes with his plastic knife and looked up curiously.

“Do you wanna wash up first?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo blushed, biting on his upper lip. Jongin grinned back at him, jiggling his shoulders a little. “I know you love being clean and all, so if you want I can get you your face wash—”

“No, it’s okay, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said hurriedly, looking a little tear-eyed. Good Lord, it was only the first hour of his special day and Jongin already managed to make him cry. He watched as Kyungsoo took a bite out of his pancakes as if to prove a point, chewing on it and closing his eyes for a second longer than necessary.

“Hyung, it’s just breakfast and succulents, you really don’t need to cry—”

“Shut up, Jongin, I’m not crying over _that_ , I’m just,” Kyungsoo stopped chewing, taking a very deep breath through his nose. He lowered the container to his lap, taking a moment to swallow his food (and probably to gather his emotions, from what Jongin could tell).

“I’m not on the verge of tears here— mind you, I’m not _crying_ — because of all this. I’m just really… thankful, Jongin. For w-what you’ve done. I mean, it’s low key but there’s obviously been some thought into everything so… thank you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo lowered his gaze. Jongin stabbed at his hash brown and shoved it into his mouth, nodding.

“You’re welcome, hyung. It was nothing, really. I just wanted to do something for your birthday,” Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo gave him a wan smile in return, picking at some scrambled egg. 

“And before you think I went to extreme lengths to get this together, I did _not_. The children were picked out on Tuesday, and I got this on the way home because it was the most exotic meal you would allow me to buy,” Jongin informed him. Kyungsoo’s eyes were a little red around the edges, but he went on eating as usual.

“What children though?” Kyungsoo asked.

“The succulents, of course. I don’t want to keep calling them that though, it’s like referring to someone as a homo sapiens specimen,” Jongin pouted, looking at his newly adopted children in their little pot. Kyungsoo chortled on his food, his tears drying up right away.

“Jongin, they’re _plants_.”

“Really _cute_ plants,” Jongin reiterated, “with their proper names too. Now, what do you wanna name the last one?” Jongin asked, taking a bite out of a McMuffin. God, it was good shit.

“I don’t know. Leave it as the unnamed child, then. Isn’t four supposed to be an unlucky number?” Kyungsoo shrugged. Jongin didn’t like the thought of leaving one of his children unnamed and anonymous, but Kyungsoo did have a point. Perhaps that one could be treated as a plant and the rest could be regular kids. Yes, that could work.

“Okay. And what do you wanna do today?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo looked stumped at that, chewing absently. “I have no idea. I usually just have the usual cake cutting ceremony with Luhan and a few other friends, then we get together at someone’s house to marathon an anime series. Last year, we watched Fruit Basket.”

Jongin didn’t really want to know how interesting fruit baskets were, but he was open to other anime series if they were compelling enough. Just for today, he supposed he could sit himself down and watch something that Kyungsoo enjoyed. “Do you wanna watch any anime series that doesn’t play up too much on kawaii? Maybe something a little darker, minus the usual violent, fighting scenes?” he asked.

Kyungsoo pursed his lips. “Maybe we could skip the anime marathon altogether. New Year’s still feels like less than a week ago, and we did, after all, have some pretty good fun at Christmas…”

Jongin frowned. “But that’s considered as last year, hyung.”

“It was less than a month ago,” Kyungsoo insisted, tutting at Jongin like an irritated parent. Jongin wanted to argue, but acceded to Kyungsoo’s temper when he remembered it was his birthday and continued to pick at his breakfast. It was such a shame though, that Kyungsoo didn’t seem to want to do anything worth remembering or just plain special for his birthday.

“Would you like some birthday sex, then?” Jongin asked, throwing it out there. He was a hundred percent up for that.

Kyungsoo squinted at him. “No,” he said plainly.

Jongin lifted his eyebrows. “Okay, maybe I’ll _think_ about it,” Kyungsoo said slowly, “but definitely not right now. I’m only just having breakfast…”

Now that was better. Jongin could wait till the evening, Kyungsoo had always been much more responsive towards the end of the day anyway. “If you don’t want to _do_ anything in particular,” Jongin said after a minute of chomping on food in the quiet, morning silence, “do you want to _go_ somewhere?”

Kyungsoo had cleared his scrambled eggs and was halfway through his hash brown now, a small bit of yellow egg stuck on one corner of his mouth. “Going somewhere sounds pretty good actually, but do you have any idea where to go?”

Jongin tried to not to stare at Kyungsoo’s mouth; it was most distracting on its own, but with that one bit of egg…

“U-uh,” Jongin cleared his throat, “there’s not many places where we can go on a weekend like this but— There was one birthday where I celebrated by the beach,” Jongin raised his eyebrow in suggestion, eyes trained solely on Kyungsoo’s gaze.

“The beach?” Kyungsoo echoed blankly. That damned piece of egg was still there by his mouth; Jongin could almost swear Kyungsoo was doing it on purpose at this point ( _can’t he feel it there?_ ), and he wasn’t about to move over and wipe it off with his finger like some kind of leading male character in a drama.

“Yeah. But not in Korea, obviously. It was in Bali, I think,” Jongin said nonchalantly. Winters in Korea could get pretty brutal on some days; visiting the beach at this time of the year was like begging for a case of pneumonia or hypothermia, though Jongin wouldn’t complain about missing a few days of work to cuddle up with Kyungsoo for warmth.

“Oh. But Bali is Bali, and here it’s…” Kyungsoo gestured at the window, snowflakes swirling in the wind right outside.

“It was just a suggestion. And at least you’d know the beach would be empty for sure. We’d be the only fools down by the beach, admiring the view with all our clothes on,” Jongin smiled, though he couldn’t quite look up at Kyungsoo anymore.

He thought Kyungsoo sounded rather pleased when he replied, “Well, there’s that too… I suppose we could stop by the beach for a bit and then find a seafood place for lunch.”

“Is there anything you’re allergic to?” Jongin asked. There were a few good seafood places he knew, serving some specialty dishes but he’d never really thought to ask before if Kyungsoo was sensitive to anything in particular. He glanced up to listen to Kyungsoo’s answer, only to remember that Kyungsoo looked adorably sleep tousled and he looked all of ten years old with that fucking piece of damned egg on his damned mouth—

“I’ve had enough,” Jongin sighed, cutting Kyungsoo off mid-sentence.

“E-Enough of what?” Kyungsoo stuttered.

Jongin set his food down on the dresser beside him without saying anything and crawled towards a startled Kyungsoo, flicking that stupid piece of egg away once and for all. He sighed in relief and annoyance at the same time, pleased to see that the offensive egg was no longer a distraction. Kyungsoo touched the corner of his mouth at once, frowning at Jongin.

“What was that for?” he asked, sticking his tongue out to see if there was anything there. Jongin watched as Kyungsoo licked around fruitlessly with his tongue, laughing lightly at himself.

“Nothing. You had some egg on your mouth,” Jongin informed him.

Kyungsoo blinked at him with a frown, wiping at the same spot self-consciously. “You could’ve just told me there was something on my face…” he mumbled.

“Oh. Well, in that case, I think there’s some dirt here on you…” Jongin gestured around Kyungsoo’s neck, allowing his fingers to catch on the collar of Kyungsoo’s ratty old tee that he wore as pyjamas. Kyungsoo fell for it and followed the trail of Jongin’s fingers, reaching wherever Jongin touched him till he realized Jongin had leaned over and was only just feeling him up.

“Wait, Jongin, don’t—” Jongin silenced him with a playful peck on the mouth, and snatched his plate of food away to set it aside on the dresser.

“I think it’s time for a shower, hyung. I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” Jongin said, settling over Kyungsoo heavily. Kyungsoo grunted at him helplessly, trying to jab Jongin in the chest with his hands. “Get off me, you’re heavy,” he complained. Jongin laughed, swatting his hands away.

“Okay, hyung.”

Jongin grabbed him around the waist and hauled Kyungsoo right up over his shoulder to his immense surprise. “Jongin, don’t be an ass, I haven’t finished eating my breakfast!” Kyungsoo shouted indignantly. Jongin paid him no mind, walking into the bathroom with ease until he was jolted backwards when he was three steps in.

“C’mon, hyung, I’ll wash you up till you’re nice and clean,” he tugged once, but for some reason, Kyungsoo wouldn’t budge. He must’ve had a death grip on the bathroom’s doorframe.

“You do that to me almost every weekend,” Kyungsoo wailed. Jongin gave one more hard tug, and Kyungsoo came loose. “I don’t think it’s that bad,” Jongin remarked, patting Kyungsoo’s thighs a little too liberally. Kyungsoo’s foot nearly came up to his face in retaliation, which Jongin dodged narrowly just in time to slap it away.

 “It’s not that it’s bad,” Kyungsoo wriggled out of Jongin’s hold. Jongin planted him neatly on his two feet, ruffling Kyungsoo’s hair. His tee sat askew on one of his shoulders, the left side hanging off of him to reveal the fair skin beneath. “It’s because I know you’ll take forever with me in the shower.”

Jongin smiled. “Aw, you know me so well, hyung. So then you know I’ll be treating you extra special today, romancing you and soaping you up every single step of the way…” Jongin lifted his eyebrow suggestively and bit down on his lip in a snarky grin. Kyungsoo blushed madly, looking away. Jongin had a half-thought that Kyungsoo would smack at him as he leaned down for a proper kiss, but there was not an ounce of resistance when Jongin’s lips met Kyungsoo’s.

*

They took quite some time in the shower—and then in the bedroom— long enough for the food to go cold and the hash browns to turn greasy and chewy. Jongin didn’t complain though, watching Kyungsoo as he went about the room to dress up, putting on layer after layer of clothing till he looked around twice his usual size. Jongin felt mildly regretful that Kyungsoo had to cover up all the marks that Jongin had left on his neck and shoulders in the shower (especially the cuff marks on his wrists) but that was life.

Kyungsoo’s layers, however, came in useful once they arrived at Gangneung. Jongin wasn’t particularly susceptible to cold but the sea breeze blowing in even as they stepped out of the Uber taxi was downright freezing.

He gave a shudder and tucked his scarf over his chin, digging his fingers deeper into the pockets of his jackets. “Fuck, it’s cold,” Jongin muttered.

“It is. But look at the view,” Kyungsoo said wondrously, eyes and mouth wide open like a kid. He’d brought along his trusty camera as usual, and he fumbled with it as Jongin took in the view. The sun was out today, albeit it was a bit cloudy. It gave the sea a sort of moody feel, but Jongin always felt inclined to think that the sea was beautiful, no matter the season. Not much people were around too, just three people in the distance, too far away to recognize them. 

“It’s nice, yeah. Not much people around too,” Jongin remarked.

Kyungsoo nodded excitedly. “We can take a walk then. But give me a minute, Jongin, let me just…”

Kyungsoo began snapping away, and Jongin left him to his own devices while he toed the soft sand for shells or little crabs. The drier part of the shore didn’t hold much, so he inched over to where the sea broke its waves on the sand, carrying little bits and pieces to the shore. Kyungsoo took pictures of everything around while Jongin was at it, from the sun to the waves to the horizon.

After a few seconds on concentrating, Jongin spotted a spiral shell and picked it up, holding it up to show Kyungsoo. Unbeknownst to him, Kyungsoo held up his camera and snapped a photo of him as he turned. Jongin laughed.

“I thought you wanted to take pictures of the view,” he said.

“ _You_ are part of the view,” Kyungsoo replied wryly. “Smile. I haven’t taken pictures of you in a while,” he added, snapping away.

“Well, that’s because you never want to take a picture with me,” Jongin complained, fingering the shell in his hand. It was remarkably perfect, smooth without any cracks or small holes.  

“…You _want_ pictures of us?” Kyungsoo asked, tone careful. Jongin could tell he was a little surprised, though Kyungsoo hid it well. But Jongin could see through him now. It was all in his eyes, whether he knew it or not.

“We’re living together as it is, might as well have some pictures now,” Jongin replied, keeping his voice playful. Kyungsoo pretended to look at his camera, but Jongin knew he was blushing. Jongin wanted to hug him close and kiss him senseless.

“I suppose it’s true… And I promised I’d move out but I’m still living with you,” Kyungsoo said sheepishly.

“I won’t hold you to it,” Jongin promised, taking a step forward to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s forehead. It was as bold as he dared to be on a public beach, and he placed the shell he’d found in Kyungsoo’s hand.

“I didn’t even remember that you were supposed to move out anyway,” Jongin continued. It was easy to adjust to life with Kyungsoo in his apartment. So easy it hardly took any conscious effort on his part. It felt like nothing more but an extended sleepover with his best friend. Kyungsoo looked at the shell curiously in his hand.

“I will, soon. If I find a good apartment, I’ll let you know,” Kyungsoo said, somewhat distractedly. That was something else Jongin definitely wouldn’t hold him to. But it was Kyungsoo’s birthday today, so he let it slide and changed the subject once more.

“Anyway, about that picture…”

“Mm,” Kyungsoo hummed, looking up. Jongin smiled cheekily. “Do you wanna write something in the sand first? Something like, ‘Jongin loves Kyungsoo hyung.’”

Kyungsoo gave him a suspicious look. “No. But you can write that in the sand and I’ll take a picture if you want,” he grinned. Well, if that was what it took then why not?

“Fine. Find me a stick, hyung,” Jongin said, turning around to look at the sand. There were some branches but they looked too thin to write in the sand with.

“Use your finger or something,” Kyungsoo suggested, when they looked around and didn’t see anything they could use. Jongin frowned.

“This isn’t like prepping you, hyung, it’s rough, wet sand—”

Kyungsoo shoved Jongin to shut him up, face already blazing red. Jongin laughed, nearly tripping over his feet and into the water. He jumped back just in time before the waves slapped themselves onto the shore, narrowly missing his foot.

“You’re so gross, have your shell back, I don’t want it anymore,” Kyungsoo flung it at his feet, and Jongin wheezed in laughter, dropping to his feet onto the sand. He didn’t care that he was ruining his jeans in the process, Kyungsoo’s expression was worth it. If only Jongin was as prepared with a camera as Kyungsoo.

“Oh, don’t be like that, hyung. I’ll write in the sand for you with the shell, okay? Jongin loves Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, just to appease Kyungsoo when he began to furiously go through his pictures on his camera, pointedly ignoring Jongin. He picked up the shell Kyungsoo had thrown at him and began to stick in the sand, drawing the characters slowly.

“Jongin loves Kyungsoo,” Jongin said slowly, as he drew the characters. Then he added hyung, and drew a lopsided heart around the words. “Look hyung, it’s cute, isn’t it?” Jongin said, jabbing his shoe with the shell.

“No,” Kyungsoo muttered.

Jongin threw himself on the sand beside his impromptu drawing in the sand, holding up his arms to make another heart. “Yes, it is. Jongin LOVES KYUNGSOO HYUNG,” he yelled, just so Kyungsoo would look already. It was cold to lie down even on the sand. He hoped Kyungsoo realized how much effort it actually took to keep warm down there on ground level.

Kyungsoo looked at him, horrified, then softened when he saw the heart around what Jongin had written in the sand. Jongin even did a weird dance at him on the sand, wiggling about.

“Take a picture then sit down with me, hyung,” Jongin said, throwing hearts at Kyungsoo with his arms. Kyungsoo began to blush again, and Jongin knew it wasn’t from the cold. “F-fine,” he stuttered, finally holding up the camera to his eye. Jongin smiled, though it was probably a bad smile and he would turn out looking horrendous.

But it was more for Kyungsoo’s sake than anyone else’s, so when Kyungsoo was finally done, Jongin tugged him down onto the sand beside him.

“It’s cold, we should keep warm together,” Jongin said, huddling close to him. Kyungsoo tutted and fretted, trying to push and swat Jongin away, but Jongin wasn’t going to be put off so easily. He had after all, just confessed his love in the cheesiest way possible. He felt like he deserved a bit of love in return too. 

Finally, Kyungsoo stopped fidgeting and sat there with Jongin’s arms around him, while Jongin sighed happily.

“Are you having a nice time, hyung?” Jongin asked.

“Sure,” he grunted, giving Jongin’s arms a pointed shake. “I just don’t get why you’re so gross with me right now. It’s like that time I celebrated with Baekhyun and he thought it’d be perfectly alright for him to hug me all day.”

“It’s your birthday, deal with it,” Jongin said, ignoring Kyungsoo. And after a while, Jongin could tell he was smiling.

“I’m a little sad that I have to move out,” Kyungsoo said, after maybe a moment or two of comfortable silence.

“Don’t then,” Jongin said, settling his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I can’t keep staying with you forever, it doesn’t work like that,” Kyungsoo began. Jongin looked at him and cut him off, “But you’re not going to work for Accuretta anymore. Which means you can take your time with finding an apartment. Besides the first few days of trying to figure how we should go to work together without seeming suspicious was a little hard, I’ll give you that but,” Jongin snuggled into Kyungsoo’s neck.

“I would miss waking up with you beside me,” he whispered. Kyungsoo twisted in his arms, mouth dangerously close to Jongin’s. If only it was a private beach; Jongin would’ve kissed him right then and there.

“You’ll be fine without me,” Kyungsoo said tonelessly. Jongin snorted softly.

“I guess I will be, technically. But I’d miss you, hyung… Wouldn’t you miss me?” Jongin complained.

Kyungsoo seemed to think about his answer carefully. “I would. But it’d also be wrong on my part to impose on you for so long. We can give each other space again, you know, and just be,” Kyungsoo gestured vaguely.

“What? Friends? Sex buddies?” Jongin offered. Kyungsoo glared at him.

“Boyfriends?” Jongin said, but in a lower voice. Kyungsoo’s face went pink at that, and he looked down on his lap. “I don’t know what we are,” he said honestly, in a quiet voice.

“I don’t know what to call it either, but I love you, hyung. Jongin loves Kyungsoo,” he repeated, just because he knew it would make Kyungsoo laugh, and he smiled as well.

“Okay then. And I wasn’t sure how to break this to you too, but I suppose now is a good time,” Kyungsoo said, and dug into his coat, looking for something. Jongin was taken by surprise. What did Kyungsoo have for him? It was supposed to be his day anyway, why did he have something for Jongin and not the other way around—

“It’s not what you think,” Kyungsoo said as he produced a small box out of his coat. Jongin stared at it curiously. He never saw Kyungsoo put this in his clothes; he must’ve hidden it so well that Jongin didn’t even suspect anything this whole time.

 _The sneaky little thing_ , Jongin thought, with a secret smile. Jongin couldn’t wait already to grab his butt at home.

“I hope you like it though. I just wanted something that I could well, share with you, but nothing too loud,” Kyungsoo babbled. Jongin heard the nervous tone in his voice and was absolutely curious as to what it was.

“What occasion is it for anyway?” Jongin asked, holding out a hand for the small box. Looking at it and feeling the texture in his hands, Jongin would say that it was a box to hold an engagement ring. But Kyungsoo had already said that that wasn’t it so… what else could it be? He shook it curiously; there was nothing rattling inside.

“It’s for your birthday, of course. Well, for us anyway,” Kyungsoo amended.

“Oh wait,” Jongin said, “so _you_ can buy me something, but I can’t get you anything that’s over ten dollars?”

“It was only twenty,” Kyungsoo said, miffed. “And you’d go overboard if you wanted to get me anything. Knowing you, you’d get me a car and a whole new bank account.”

Wasn’t like Jongin couldn’t afford it. But fine, since it was _Kyungsoo’s_ birthday and he wasn’t supposed to argue with the birthday boy (maybe that was why he brought up this gift now. Any other day of the year would end in an argument that would inevitably ruin the mood), he indulged Kyungsoo and flipped the cover open without any preamble.

“Ta-da,” Kyungsoo said weakly, looking closely at Jongin’s face for his reaction.

It was a pair of silver rings. They shone at first but when Jongin held it closer, he realized they were too matte to be silver. In fact, they looked like stainless steel, unadorned without anything special other than its metallic shine.

“Rings,” Jongin commented, “and you say I’m the gross one.” Kyungsoo’s arm came around to whack him lightly on the back.

“Shut up. Do you like them?” Kyungsoo asked, nibbling on his thumbnail. Jongin placed a hand over Kyungsoo’s hand, taking it away from his mouth. Kyungsoo waited, unmoving beside Jongin. Then he looked at Kyungsoo very seriously and said, with as much sincerity as he could muster in that second, “I like it very much, hyung.”

And then, “What were you going to do if I didn’t like them though? Throw them into the sea?”

Kyungsoo snorted in laughter, hitting Jongin’s thigh. “No, of course not. I suppose I haven’t thought too much about what I’d do if you didn’t like it.” Jongin stared at them like the rings were radioactive.

They were very nice, simply made and all that, but Jongin couldn’t imagine how much courage it must’ve took for Kyungsoo to choose them out and present it to him. Even now, while the atmosphere was still light, Kyungsoo was probably more nervous than he let on with Jongin.

Jongin took one out of the box, trying to fit it past the knuckle of his second finger. Kyungsoo looked on curiously, keeping quiet when Jongin couldn’t fit it on his second finger and had to try it on his middle finger.

It sat nicely once it went past his knuckle, and Jongin held his hand out to look at it wink in the light. Kyungsoo touched it briefly with his gloved hand, almost admiringly.

“It looks nice,” Kyungsoo said cautiously.

“Mm, it does,” Jongin agreed.

Jongin had never really been one for fine jewellery but this, he could manage. It didn’t look too delicate (though he knew clear as day what these rings meant) and it looked inconspicuous enough that it could pass for just another regular accessory and not something that signified anything beyond style. He liked that about all of this. It made him feel brave.

“Do you… really like it?” Kyungsoo asked, very softly. Jongin turned to look at Kyungsoo. His eyes were wide, possibly with fear of rejection.

Jongin wasn’t stupid and knew just how this meant to Kyungsoo, and in turn, he found that it was important to him too. It meant a lot to him for Kyungsoo to feel happy, whether it was for the most unexceptional of reasons or for milestones like this. They were still taking baby steps, but Jongin loved progress regardless of the speed.

“I do,” Jongin reassured him, putting his hand around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. He held up the box with the remaining ring in it to Kyungsoo; Jongin wanted to see him put on the ring’s matching pair.

Kyungsoo chuckled low under his breath and began to take off the glove on his left hand, plucking the ring out of the box once his hand was bare and fitted the ring on. It looked a little less showy on Kyungsoo’s finger, maybe because his skin was fairer than Jongin’s but he thought it still looked beautiful. Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and wound their fingers together, feeling the rings rub against one another.

“Are we going to wear them every day?” Jongin asked playfully.

“If you want,” Kyungsoo shrugged. In fact, Jongin did want to, very much so. He grinned at Kyungsoo, “Of course I do, hyung.”

Kyungsoo gave him a wry smile in return, and Jongin couldn’t help but squeeze their hands together. “Snap a picture of us now, hyung,” Jongin said, tapping the lenses. What better, cheesier moment to capture than right now? Kyungsoo glanced down at the camera in his lap and held it up slowly like it was a bomb he didn’t want to trigger.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Do it,” Jongin said in a mock serious tone. Kyungsoo shrugged and powered the camera on again. After a moment of hesitation, he passed it to Jongin.

“You have longer arms so,” Kyungsoo shifted to move closer, while Jongin turned it around so the lenses faced him. “I need to press this button right?” he asked, just to be sure. For all he knew, if he pressed the wrong thing the whole camera could explode in their faces. Best to be sure.

“Yeah. Just press and let it click. Sometimes it takes a second to focus,” Kyungsoo informed him. Jongin placed an arm around his waist, leaning his head on Kyungsoo’s. He hoped it was a cute picture.

“Okay. Ready?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo hummed in response, mouth already curled up into a fake smile.

It wasn’t the way Kyungsoo would usually smile naturally, and it looked so un-Kyungsoo Jongin had to snort at him, and Kyungsoo turned to look at him. “What the fuck was that even for—”

Jongin pressed the button and heard the camera click. Kyungsoo cut himself off, realizing what just happened. He elbowed Jongin hard and began to complain, “Why did you take the picture, I’m sure I looked bad there—”

“We’ll take a million more, don’t worry,” Jongin laughed, keeping the camera out of Kyungsoo’s reach. Now that he was holding it, he wasn’t about to relinquish it back to Kyungsoo; he’d probably never want to take another picture with Jongin again. This was an opportunity Jongin had to fully take advantage of before it was gone.

Giving up, Kyungsoo looked more determined to get a nice picture this time. “Fine. I’ll count till three and you can snap the picture. But only on my count,” Kyungsoo emphasized.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jongin said impatiently, holding out the camera once more. To be honest, he didn’t care if they both came out looking stupid or basic. He just wanted to be able to have a souvenir for the both of them to look back on. How often would they ever come down to the beach again, anyway (especially during winter)? But it was fun to antagonize Kyungsoo nonetheless; he could do this photo-snapping thing just to annoy him all day.

“Another picture,” Kyungsoo said firmly, after a minute of playing with his fringe. “Okay,” Jongin dragged out the syllables, finger pressing on the button even though neither of them were ready yet.

“Right, so on my count— Wait, no, Jongin, stop that!” Kyungsoo said in alarm when he realized what Jongin was doing.

It must’ve snapped hundreds of pictures as Kyungsoo tried to stop Jongin. But it was no use, he’d said it himself, after all. Jongin was the one with longer arms between them. And Jongin wasn’t about to feel sorry; this was the way he wanted to remember things with Kyungsoo, effortless and more alive than he’d ever been with anyone else.

*

On Monday morning, the stock market crashed, harder than anyone ever thought it would.

Jongin couldn’t even manage a ‘good morning’ when he hurried through his usual routine at six a.m., already wide awake in mild panic while Kyungsoo was only just stirring from his sleep.

Sehun had called him up at around five thirty, phone ringing incessantly till Jongin finally answered. The board members wanted a meeting first thing in the morning before anything else, and Jongin needed to be early for it. That meant he had to rouse Mr. Lee awake to drive him to work, who was apparently used to this sort of thing from when he still drove Jongin’s father around. Jongin still felt bad about it, but nothing was in his control anymore.

When he left the apartment for the first time without Kyungsoo, he felt guilt chewing at his insides but he hoped Kyungsoo would understand. Jongin never, ever thought this was how he would spend his birthday. Perhaps foolishly, he had thought that things would hold up till after his twenty eighth birthday passed, but it was evident the economy had other ideas of its own.

In the car ride, he also wondered if this was something that Accuretta would be able to recover from, because if it didn’t that would mean the entire company could go down, and fast if Jongin didn’t make the right decisions at the right times. Maybe if it was still under Jongin’s father then it would have a chance, but in Jongin’s hands?

He couldn’t tell what was going to happen for the next few days. It was the scariest feeling he’d ever experienced, to just _think_ about how things could go downhill.

Things were steadily going to unravel out of his control, and he could only hope that things will only go up from here on out. _Otherwise_ … Jongin couldn’t bear to think otherwise. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone, not Kyungsoo, not his father and not himself.

When he arrived at the office fifteen minutes later, Sehun and Taewoon were already waiting by their desks with grim expressions. There were papers everywhere, and more being printed out from the printer. Some of the phone lines were already blinking, calls coming in from all corners of the world. Soon, Jongin knew it was going to be jam packed and he had to deal with every single one of them.

Jongin didn’t know if there had ever been a way to prepare himself for this, but he straightened the tie around his neck and asked, “How bad is it?”

“Stocks dropped pretty drastically, by almost a third,” Sehun said. The charts wouldn’t be looking too good then.

“And the investors?” Jongin gestured at the phones on their desks. “They’re all alive and kicking. I could filter through the calls and see who needs dealing with first,” Sehun offered.

Jongin nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “And I’ll get you your coffee, sir. Breakfast too, if you want it,” Taewoon said, a little less sure about himself than Sehun. Jongin nodded at that too, and began to walk into his office.

“Get me Suho and the lawyers,” Jongin said over his shoulder. By the silence that followed and the sounds of activity shortly after, he knew they were already onto it. His computer was already alive on his desk, pinging every second with notifications.

-

_‘Are you okay? You didn’t say much this morning, and I saw the news.’_

Jongin sighed, looking at the text he’d received at one in the afternoon. It was now nearing midnight, and he’d only just left the office.

The day had been traumatizing, to say the least. He had to go through four meetings in a row, dealing with board members to the head accountants. Nothing good really happened, and everyone agreed that there was nothing they could do for now, only soothe the investors and hold down the fort till the stock market showed signs of stability.

Then Jongin had to answer a flurry of phone calls, e-mails, video calls from different parties who all somehow had a stake in Jongin’s company. Even Yifan wanted a video call, but he was the least difficult person to talk to at that time.

Others were threatening to pull out of the company, berated Accuretta’s name and made very vague comments about how this might not have happened if it was still in Mr. Kim Senior’s control. Jongin gritted his teeth and sat through it all, feeling drained after each session. Luckily for him, Taewoon dealt with the e-mails and only came to Jongin if he didn’t know how to answer some of the demanding questions.

The worst part was probably the phone calls he received from his personal number. He suspected his father must’ve given it out to some people since the phone lines were all jammed with waiting calls, and at around twelve in the afternoon, after a short lunch break, his phone began to ring with calls from all over the world.

He only answered a few at first, then switched his phone off after the tenth call because he didn’t want the battery to drain out. On top of that, he didn’t think he was really obliged to answer to the investors on his personal number. He would deal with them professionally, or not at all.

Sadly, that meant missing the text Kyungsoo had sent him. _I would’ve replied_ , Jongin told himself in an attempt to avoid throwing himself out of the car from sheer guilt.

He really would have, but even now he wouldn’t know what he would’ve replied Kyungsoo. No, he wasn’t exactly okay, but yes, he was technically still alright for now. He still had all his limbs, though at this rate he might have to sell some of his body parts to recover Accuretta’s losses.

 _I wonder if he ate dinner on his own_ , Jongin thought, curling up on the seat.

Today was supposed to be a good day, a simple one with minimal worries. He was supposed to look forward to having dinner with Kyungsoo tonight to celebrate for the both of them. It was Kyungsoo’s last day at Accuretta and Jongin’s birthday too, but all he could feel was an emptiness in his chest.

Turning twenty-eight didn’t feel like an achievement. It felt like… _Like a goddamned curse_.

 It felt too much like a reminder that he was inexperienced in many aspects, thus underequipped to handle Accuretta. And this was only his first birthday as CEO. What would happen to the rest of his birthdays? Would they be spent in the same misery Jongin was feeling right now? Fuck, would Accuretta even be there?

Jongin groaned aloud, digging his fingers into his hair.

Mr. Lee peered at him from the rear view mirror, looking concerned. Jongin sulked, looking out of the window moodily. Tomorrow would most likely be a repeat of what had happened today. He probably needed to come in early again.

 _Fucking fantastic_ , Jongin sighed.

“I’ll probably have to go into the office at around six tomorrow,” Jongin said to Mr. Lee.

“Yes, sir,” Mr. Lee replied. “Are you… alright, sir?” he asked, after a beat.

“Yeah,” Jongin said half-heartedly. At least a dozen people had asked him the same question all day. He wasn’t even sure anymore of what people meant by ‘alright’.

Mr. Lee soon turned up to Jongin’s apartment, and he got down wearily.

Jongin’s stomach was growling for some food as he made his way into the building but he didn’t feel up to eating. He doubted he could hold his food down for long, if the queasiness in his guts was any indication.

At the door, Jongin tried to be quiet just in case Kyungsoo already turned in for the night, but he was surprised when the front door opened before he could tap in the passcode. He glanced up from his shoes to see Kyungsoo standing there, frazzled and looking at Jongin like it was the first time he’d seen Jongin in years. 

“You came home,” he breathed.

Jongin blinked. “Did you… think I wouldn’t?” he asked.

Kyungsoo looked taken aback by the question. “I. I don’t know. I thought you would go for a drink, o-or stay at the office till late.”

So he’d heard about the news. At least that saved Jongin the effort of explaining everything to him. Jongin lifted his shoulders and dropped them, holding out his hands. “I’ll probably have to go back early in the morning, but I guess I’m here for now,” he said.

Kyungsoo’s eyes softened, and he took Jongin’s wrist in his hand. “I know. Come in. I made dinner,” Kyungsoo forced a smile.

That was a pleasant surprise. Jongin came in, and Kyungsoo took his briefcase to put it away. Jongin hung his coat up in the small closet and stretched, feeling his muscles and bones creak. The lights in the living room were dim, with the TV on. The rest of the apartment was in darkness; Kyungsoo was probably about to give up on waiting for Jongin just before he arrived.

 _It’s so weird_ , Jongin thought, _how things can be so different in a matter of days._

“There’s um, spiced risotto, and asparagus. I could get some wine out from the fridge if you want,” Kyungsoo said, emerging from the bedroom.

“Risotto?” Jongin lifted an eyebrow. Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly.

“You didn’t reply my text, so I pretty much assumed we weren’t going to eat out tonight. I still wanted to make a nice birthday dinner regardless.”

“Oh,” Jongin said eloquently. Fuck, Kyungsoo was so thoughtful. Jongin felt a useless idiot. “T-thanks, hyung. Really. You didn’t have to,” Jongin said, and it sounded terribly awkward. Kyungsoo didn’t linger on it, moving into the kitchen and busying himself.

“It’s okay. I’ll heat it up for you. You can shower first,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongin took it as his cue to leave and he shuffled to the room without thinking too much about it. Quickly, he shucked off his clothes to get into the shower, grateful to feel the hot water pour over his shoulders. In fact, he knew he should also be grateful that he had dinner and Kyungsoo to come home to.

It felt a little pathetic to be ‘counting his blessings’ (he never really needed to before), but Jongin supposed that was all he could do for now. He had to keep his head high, or he’d fall crumbling down very quickly.

Once he was done with his shower, he stepped out of the steamy bathroom and into the kitchen, where a plate of risotto was already waiting for him. He smelled it before he saw it, and Jongin dug into it immediately, his initial queasy state when he’d arrived long gone. He had honestly thought he was going to just get some fried chicken delivered to his apartment; Kyungsoo’s spiced risotto was a blessed change from regular takeout.

Kyungsoo stayed silent the entire time he ate, could tell from Jongin’s body language that he wasn’t in the best mood to have conversation with right now. He just waited quietly, refilling Jongin’s glass of red wine every time it was emptied.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to celebrate with you properly tonight,” Jongin said when he was nearing the end of his meal, voice thick.

“That’s fine. I was mostly just worried about you,” Kyungsoo replied, voice low.

Jongin’s mouth curled up into a reluctant smile. “Today was just… not a good day,” he said, sipping at the wine. It paired well with the risotto. Kyungsoo was starting to get the hang of choosing the right wine for all the dishes he made.

“I’m sorry that you have to spend your birthday like this,” Kyungsoo said, reaching for Jongin’s hand.

“I am too,” Jongin replied, and added, “I should apologize for being terrible company right now,” Jongin took Kyungsoo’s fingers. He looked own at their intertwined hands and blinked; he had all but forgotten the ring on his finger. He hardly felt it throughout the day, and certainly nobody commented. Hardly anyone at Accuretta had the time today to focus on something as simple as a ring on his finger.

“You’re not the worst I’ve had,” Kyungsoo laughed lightly. Jongin brought his hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

 _I should work harder_ , Jongin told himself, gaze lingering on Kyungsoo’s ring. He had to, if he wanted to keep things the way they were right now. Financially, Jongin needed it. Well, they both did, if he was going to keep Kyungsoo in his apartment.

And he tried, harder this time, to be optimistic and see the brighter side of things in the long run; if he was diligent, then maybe he could prove his worth to his father. That way, he’d be able to feel a little lighter, be his own safety net because his father wasn’t someone you could depend on. And Jongin didn’t want to depend on him, or feel like he needed his father. He wanted to be his own person for once.

“You done?” Kyungsoo gestured at Jongin’s plate after a moment of silence. Jongin nodded, pushing it aside.

Kyungsoo reluctantly pulled away from Jongin to put it in the sink, while Jongin finished the wine and stuck the bottle back into the fridge. As he closed it shut, he spotted a photograph that Kyungsoo must’ve taped to the door because Jongin had no fridge magnets in his apartment.

He didn’t need to look very closely to know that it was from when he snapped close to two hundred pictures at the beach only a couple of days ago. Kyungsoo had been pissed at first, but relented just a little when he realized some of the pictures were actually nice.

Granted, some of them were extreme close-ups from when Kyungsoo tackled Jongin to pry the camera from his hand, but the ones before and after that were actually usable. They looked less pose-y and more like pictures that Jongin didn’t mind looking back on. The one he was looking at right now was sweet too; Kyungsoo looked enraged while Jongin’s face was frozen in a wide smile, leaning away from Kyungsoo.

“You look nice in that picture,” Kyungsoo said, touching Jongin’s shoulder.

He blinked, turning to look at Kyungsoo. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at the picture, just mildly wondering how things could go to shit so quickly. 

“You look like how you always do with me; a mix of irritation and surprise,” Jongin smiled, dispelling his negative thoughts. Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow, “Is that how you think of me?”

“Well, not always, I guess. You used to be more quiet, shier, like you’re afraid you’ll do something wrong,” Jongin admitted, remembering the first few times he interacted with Kyungsoo. It felt like a long time ago, though it could not have been more than a year.

Kyungsoo had the grace to look embarrassed. “Y-Yeah. I was,” he agreed. He looked like he wanted to say more, but Jongin just wrapped his arms and hugged Kyungsoo close. The warmth radiating from Kyungsoo soothed him some, took away everything that he’d been feeling the past twelve hours and replacing it with a sense of calm.

Jongin inhaled Kyungsoo’s scent; he smelled so much like home.

“We should head to bed. You need to be up early tomorrow, right?” Kyungsoo said, rubbing Jongin’s lower back. Jongin nodded in reply. He stayed like that for a few seconds, the scent of Kyungsoo’s shampoo strong in his nose, before he tugged Kyungsoo slowly towards the bedroom.

Jongin didn’t say much as they got ready for bed, and again, he was thankful that Kyungsoo seemed to know his moods so well. Or maybe he too, was thinking about how uncertain their future had become and was preoccupied with his own thoughts. He didn’t blame Kyungsoo if he was afraid, or felt shaken. Jongin felt it too, right down to his bones and it scared him to not know what might happen for the next few months.

“You know that I love you, right?” Jongin asked, when they finally turned out the lights. He had an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist, the thick covers warm. Kyungsoo hummed in response. “I do know,” he replied, clutching Jongin’s hand.

“Do you think—” Jongin faltered, not quite sure if he could finish his sentence. He didn’t even know if it was an appropriate question to ask at that time. But he’d gotten Kyungsoo curious, and he shifted to look at Jongin in the darkness. Their fingers were still laced together, and Kyungsoo squeezed it, probably for encouragement.

“What is it?”

Jongin paused, biting his lip.

“Do you think,” he repeated, very slowly, “you would still love me the same, even if I lose everything? The apartment, the money, the cars—”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo’s answer was loud in the quiet of the apartment. There was not a sound to be heard, not even traffic from the outside. There was only Jongin’s heartbeat in his ears, and Kyungsoo’s reply echoing in his heart. He ached, for some reason, when the answer was supposed to be relieving.

“I would, Jongin. I don’t— You know I don’t love you for all that. I think that it would be impossible for me to stop loving you. It just doesn’t work that way,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin moved forward, pressing his forehead to Kyungsoo’s.

 _I don’t know what to say_ , Jongin thought. Kyungsoo threaded a hand through Jongin’s hair, his breath ghosting over Jongin’s skin.

“Do what you need to do, Jongin. I’ll wait for you, and I won’t ever blame you for being… late. For anything. I know how much the company means to you,” Kyungsoo whispered. Jongin heard the words that Kyungsoo wasn’t saying _; I won’t make you choose_.

Jongin never knew, never guessed that love could hurt like this.

“I _really_ love you, hyung,” Jongin whispered back. And he wished there was something more for him to say but for now, it was all he had to offer. “Go to sleep,” Kyungsoo told him. Jongin shut his eyes, and he did. 


	23. stay, little Valentine, stay

Jongin read through the texts Kyungsoo had sent him with a twinge of guilt. They had come in over the course of the entire day, but his phone died must’ve died sometime in the morning since he forgot to plug it in the night before. 

He had only just realized that his phone was oddly quiet a few minutes ago, no pings or calls coming in at all, before he actually took it out from his jacket. Now it was close to midnight and he was still stuck in the office with Sehun and Suho, sorting throughout some work that could not wait till the next day.

 “So these can go over to the finance department, while these need to be sent to China first thing in the morning,” Suho said, organizing sheets of paper in different files. Frankly, everything was starting to look the same and he was thankful Suho still had a clear head. Jongin was ready to drop off at any moment’s notice.

A snap in his left ear had him jerking up in his seat, and he looked up to glare at Sehun, who was standing over him like a hawk.

“You’re not allowed to fall asleep, Jongin. Especially since we’re helping you out,” Sehun smirked. Despite his attitude, there were dark circles around his eyes and Sehun’s shoulders slumped in a way that Jongin had never seen before. He felt bitter over how he couldn’t seem to do anything without some form of help from his friends, and also because this was all they were probably going to do for the next twenty years or more.

Just agonizing through crisis after crisis at a painfully slow pace, waiting for results that will never be enough for Accuretta to return to its former pace any time soon.

“Oh, I need to make copies of these, right?” Sehun said to Suho, showing him a folder. Suho squinted at it for a moment, processing the words scribbled on the cover before he nodded once.

“Yep. I think that’ll be your last trip to the copy machine for the day, and we only have to drop these off at the appropriate departments after that.”

“I’m sorry, guys,” Jongin pouted, still looking at his phone. He wondered if Kyungsoo was already asleep, but quickly dismissed the thought. No matter how late Jongin came home, Kyungsoo would always be waiting for him on the couch, eyes sometimes about to slide shut or blankets thrown carelessly over his legs to keep warm while he waited.

Jongin insisted that Kyungsoo didn’t need to wait up all the time, but he suspected he only did it because aside from Jongin, Kyungsoo lacked any other human contact.

“No need to be sorry,” Suho shook his head with a soft smile, “you needed help, so we’re here. You got anything on after this?” he asked.

“Anything on?” Jongin echoed, frowning in confusion. Sehun traipsed out of the office without a word when he finally collected all the right folders off of Jongin’s desk, while Suho nodded at Jongin.

“Yeah, I mean plans or something. Tell me if I’m wrong but you look pretty sour right now… Almost like you need to be someplace else urgently,” Suho lifted an eyebrow at him.

 _Oh,_ Jongin thought. He sighed, “it isn’t so much about having my own plans as it is about just getting away, you know. From all this,” Jongin gestured at his desk. They had been typing, printing and re-typing shit all day, and Jongin had to sign a whole bunch of more forms or papers too.

His wrists hurt from holding a pen all day, and lucky for him, his friends knew Jongin was crap at organizing stuff, hence a helping hand. But that wasn’t even the worst part.

The worst was the fact that Jongin was going to have to keep this up for at least a year, and he was desperately in need of a vacation or some other form of release.

Of course, there was Kyungsoo at home, waiting for him patiently every day, but Jongin didn’t want Kyungsoo to feel like he was using him just for his company. He didn’t want to do things halfway and wanted to be completely devoted to him if they ever had the time (which evidently they did not). And a vacation was clearly out of the question; Jongin felt like he was being backed up into a corner like a caged animal.

Suho nodded gravely. “I know Jongin, I know. It’s not… the best of times right now to be you. I myself am in deep shit hole of problems almost every other day, so I can only imagine what it feels like to be sitting in that chair, facing these four walls,” Suho gave Jongin a rueful smile.

“Can you?” Jongin sulked.

Could anyone actually picture how helpless Jongin felt every morning when he woke up to go to work? Could anyone picture the desperation he felt inside every time he wanted to shake Kyungsoo awake just to give him a proper kiss, only to look at the time and realize that he would never have enough minutes to spare?

 “…No, I don’t suppose I really can,” Suho replied, papers fluttering in his hands. Jongin was silent, and he reread the texts on his phone again.

_‘Sorry hyung, my phone died. Charging it now, and will be back by an hour or less.’_

Not the most eloquent of replies, but Jongin would explain himself once he was at home. Once he could hold Kyungsoo and pour out his frustrations to him, he would tell Kyungsoo how bad he felt.

“Things could be looking up though,” Suho’s voice broke into Jongin’s thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Conditions aren’t the best right now, I know, but I saw some guys on the news saying that the market has been pretty stable. With luck, things might actually go back to the way they were,” Suho said, voice hopeful.

Jongin sincerely thoughts things could not possibly ‘go back to the way they were’ just yet. Stabilization did not necessarily mean progress, and even then Jongin still couldn’t get over how many people they had actually fired just to keep themselves afloat almost two months ago.

Many projects came to a sudden halt one by one, and a number of shareholders actually flaked on Accuretta. Only Wu Holdings and a number of other companies sent e-mails of promised support to Jongin, for which he felt only mildly grateful for.

But somewhere not too deep in the back of Jongin’s mind, he secretly wished that all the shareholders and companies associated with Accuretta were less hopeful and were more ready to get rid of their losses. That way Accuretta could just _die_ a natural death and Jongin would be free of his father’s insufferable company. Wasn’t the best way to go, but he’d be free.

“Maybe,” Jongin mumbled back. Suho didn’t say anything more, and the night progressed in relative silence.

-

When Jongin finally cleared off enough work to go home, he entered the apartment as quietly as possible. It was late, and sometimes Kyungsoo waited up for Jongin long enough to fall asleep on the couch. Jongin didn’t want to wake him, much less knew how to face him at this hour.

All of his excuses were starting to sound stale even to his own ears, and Jongin was running out of ways to say ‘I’m sorry’. He knew that Kyungsoo understood but… he wondered if one day Kyungsoo would be tired of it all anyway. Jongin wouldn’t blame him if he did.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo’s voice jolted Jongin out of his thoughts as he was peeling the aluminium foil off his dinner plate.

Jongin blinked, looking up at Kyungsoo. He half expected him to look sleepy, with blankets hanging off his shoulders, but Kyungsoo looked surprisingly bright-eyed, standing just a few feet away from Jongin. He even had his reading glasses on and a book in hand.

“Hey,” Jongin said hesitantly. He wasn’t quite sure if Kyungsoo was in a talkative mood today, or if he was just ready to go to bed. But Kyungsoo looked like he was waiting for Jongin to say something, so Jongin pulled the aluminium wrapper off the plate and stopped.

“I got your texts, hyung,” Jongin tried, “I’m really, _really_ sorry I didn’t see them earlier. I should’ve charged my phone but it slipped my mind...”

Kyungsoo didn’t answer right away. “It’s… fine. I was just worried,” he replied, and came over to stand by the counter. Jongin’s food was still warm, so he shrugged off his coat and set it on one of the stools beside him.

He began to eat his meal, mashed potatoes and sausages with a side of greens, but he couldn’t quite shake off the feeling that Kyungsoo was waiting for something. He stood across Jongin, book placed face down on the table.

“Did you do anything today?” Jongin asked.

“I did,” Kyungsoo replied, taking off his reading glasses, “I cooked, and then I cleaned the house. Then I searched up some ads online to see if I could get a part-time job anywhere… There’s some promising ones, I think, but none of them are paying me enough.”

Jongin winced. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, because that was all he could manage. He encouraged Kyungsoo to get some kind of job to help pass the time since Jongin was gone a lot more often than he thought he would be, but other businesses were hit pretty hard from the slump in the economy too. Most corporate companies weren’t hiring, and small businesses were pickier with their employees now.

“I guess I am too.  I hardly think ‘part-time florist’ is going to be something I can put on my resume for the next job I look for,” Kyungsoo said, laughing half-heartedly.

“If you want to take it, you could though,” Jongin offered, “it would give you something to do while I’m gone anyway.”

Kyungsoo hummed in assent. Jongin continued to eat, but the feeling that Kyungsoo was waiting for him to say something remained.

“Hyung, are you angry? At me? I mean tell me if I’m wrong but you look like you have something on your mind,” Jongin said. Better to be out with it than to beat around the bush anyway; Jongin could do that at work, but with Kyungsoo he never wanted to play games.

“Well, I do, actually,” Kyungsoo said. His expression was somewhat uneasy, and Jongin wasn’t quite sure of what to expect.

“What is it? Is it about work or…?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “It’s not work. It’s more about _your_ work, to be honest.” Then he stopped, leaving Jongin to wonder what Kyungsoo was going to say about Accuretta.

“What about it?” Jongin asked. He sounded more defensive about it than he intended to be, and bit down on his lip as Kyungsoo hunched in on himself a little, like he was afraid of what Jongin would say.

“I know that your company means… a lot,” he started.

“And I know how much work it really takes to handle your job. But it’s left me feeling really,” Kyungsoo sighed, “empty. Empty because you’re never really home anymore, and I have little to no human contact on a daily basis.”

“But you don’t have a lot of friends in the first place,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo blinked at that, and it took a second for Jongin to realize what that must’ve sounded like.

“Fuck hyung, no, I don’t mean it that way—”

“No, it’s alright,” Kyungsoo cut him off. He still looked hurt though, and looked down at his hands.

“It’s true. But that isn’t really the point because I don’t need a lot of friends. I just need _you_ ,” he looked up very briefly, “And it’s hard to live in your apartment when you’re not around.”

Jongin lost his appetite at once. “Hyung…” he ran his fingers through his hair. He’d been doing a lot of that these days; there was little else he could whenever he was in a tight spot, and that had been happening a lot to Jongin lately.

“Hyung, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what you want _me_ to say. I didn’t _choose_ to be busy, the job practically chose me the minute I was born,” Jongin said.

“I know, Jongin, and I’m not asking you to shirk your duties—”

“Then what do you want me to do? Spend more time with you? You know I want to, but I can’t even go out to eat lunch anymore because Accuretta just _consumes_ me, hyung. I don’t get to do a lot of things that I want to anymore,” Jongin held up his arms in exasperation.

Kyungsoo chewed his lip. “I knew I shouldn’t have brought this up with you,” he muttered under his breath.

Jongin frowned. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means it was a mistake talking about something that we both can’t change,” Kyungsoo raised his voice by a fraction.

“You knew that this would be the reality we had to face when you moved in with me,” Jongin replied, mildly disgusted at what Kyungsoo was saying. It wasn’t like Accuretta was a choice matter; there was no way for Jongin to let it go. And Kyungsoo made it sound as if he didn’t know that Jongin wished, every waking moment, that Accuretta would just magically disappear.

“I expected it, but I never knew how it would be. But what I did know was that you promised you’d try,” Kyungsoo replied, eyes red around the rims, “now, I’m not so sure about that. You’re not… the same. It’s different now.”

“You’re not even making sense,” Jongin snapped.

“I’m not making sense? Jongin, you’re the one who isn’t making sense right now. You say you hate this job, but you go back to it every day. You say you hate working late, but you never make the effort to come home before seven,” Kyungsoo said, a single tear rolling down his eye.

“That’s because I don’t _have_ a choice!” Jongin roared.

Kyungsoo fell silent, and so did Jongin. He took a breath, shudderingly.

Neither of them had expected that. Jongin didn’t even think he had it in himself to scream at someone he loved.

“I don’t have a choice,” he repeated, softly under his breath this time. “I don’t have a choice because if I leave, if I throw all of this away, then what? What does that make me, hyung? I was raised to take over this company, I don’t _know_ what else there is for me to do, because there’s no other option for me anymore.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I told you before. I’d love you even if you didn’t own the apartment. I would love you even if we were both homeless on the streets with only Luhan to drop coins into our pathetic hands. I _love_ you, Jongin. It wouldn’t matter to me what you did.”

“Life isn’t that simple, hyung. Not everything can be that idealistic,” Jongin said, and he hated that he sounded exactly like his father.

“I thought you held onto that, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said, backing away from the counter.

 _And you think I don’t anymore?_ Jongin felt like calling after him. The look on Kyungsoo’s face was nothing short of devastating, just before he turned and finally trudged into the bedroom.

Jongin looked down at his plate.

He didn’t know what to do at this point, but he knew he didn’t want to be in the same space with Kyungsoo. Not right now. Was Kyungsoo going to come out again?

Jongin never found out. He grabbed his coat, slipped on his shoes once more, and slammed out of the apartment.

Sehun’s apartment was not too far off from Jongin’s place. He didn’t know where exactly he lived, but he knew the area and that was enough for him.

Jongin managed to hail a cab, and told him as much of Sehun’s address as he could remember. The ride didn’t take long; it barely lasted fifteen minutes before the vehicle came to a crunching stop. He paid the driver off with a fifty note even though the ride cost a lot less; told him to keep the change. Jongin rarely needed cash anyway.

When he got off, the spot that the cab driver had dropped him off at was deserted. Not even so much as a stray cat lingered in the area. None of the houses looked familiar too. Rather than chancing at getting robbed or getting lost, Jongin dug out his phone and dialled Sehun.

“Hello?” Sehun answered. He sounded like he was fed up of answering phone calls. 

“I’m in your neighbourhood. Where do you live?”

There was a pause. It went on long enough to think that maybe Sehun had been gaping at his phone. “Why do you care?” Sehun replied in disbelief.

“I’m in your neighbourhood, Sehun. Come greet me or something, I need a drink,” he muttered.

Sehun answered, “I’m not going to ‘greet you’, wherever you are in my neighbourhood, and I have three very good reasons why. First, it’s in the middle of the night and I literally just came home after seeing your ugly mug for at least eleven hours. Second of all, I don’t know where you are.”

Jongin waited for a beat. Sehun didn’t continue. “And the third?” he asked, mystified.

“I’m not your bitch,” Sehun said proudly.

Jongin rolled his eyes.

“Look, I know this isn’t the best of times but I’m desperate here, Sehun. I could call Chanyeol but with the mood I’m in, I wouldn’t be much of a wingman in a club tonight…”

“Didn’t think you were ever anyone’s wingman,” Sehun said, amused. Jongin chose to ignore that jab, and just made Sehun promise to look for him.

“I don’t think I’m that far off from your place anyway. I’m standing at a T-junction—”

“A lot of T-junctions in the neighbourhood.”

“—and the houses around here have vines hanging over the wall,” Jongin continued on as if Sehun hadn’t spoken.

“A lot of houses have vines growing over their walls here too, Jongin,” Sehun cackled, “you’d have to be a bit more specific.”

“Jesus, Sehun, I don’t know. The house I’m looking at has like, red bricked walls and a dark blue roof—”

“Oh, you’re near the main road. Give me a minute, and I’ll be there,” Sehun replied. He hung up before Jongin could say anything else, and after that he was at the mercy of his assistant’s hands. He didn’t know how far off the main road was, much less how to get there in the first place. Jongin was going to have to wait and pray he wouldn’t be mugged.

Worst part was that all the lights in the neighbourhood’s houses were beginning to go out. Everyone was turning in for the night but for Jongin, it was just the start.

It took Sehun forty minutes to arrive; in a car, no less. Jongin never thought Sehun would have a driving license. Certainly didn’t know he owned an old Mercedes. Sehun rolled up to the sidewalk and wound the window down like some kind of mafia from the old movies Jongin used to watch.

“Get in,” Sehun said, half amused, half pissed that he was still out and about at this hour.

Jongin got in the front seat, the smell of plush leather and sandalwood filling his nose. Sandalwood reminded him of Kyungsoo, of the reason why he was bugging Sehun in the first place. It was all Jongin took not to just get out of the car again.

Instead, he shut the door resolutely once he had his legs in, and looked at Sehun.

“So? I assume we’re going out for a drink or something. Do you have a bar in mind?” Sehun asked. His hair was half wet like he’d left the house while drying his hair, and he looked just as worn out as Jongin had last seen in the office.

Jongin shook his head slowly in response. He held back from stating how Sehun seemed to take his temporary role as Jongin’s driver quite responsibly (that would just be jinxing himself out of a free ride).

“I was thinking of drinking, but just plain beer will do. I don’t wanna go home knackered,” Jongin replied.

“Good, ‘cause I was thinking of the same thing. Does a six-pack and instant ramen sound good?” Sehun asked, shifting gears. Jongin made a note to ask Sehun about his car later.

“Sure,” Jongin replied.

“Why don’t you want to go home knackered though? It’s not like you’ve got anyone to impress at home,” Sehun said, reversing the car. Jongin stopped short of spilling his guts and settled for a scoff; seemed blasé enough.

They drove deep into the neighbourhood and stopped in front of a 24-hour convenience store run by an elderly man. Sehun got down, leaving the engine running so Jongin assumed he was supposed to stay in the car. It wasn’t till Sehun returned with four six-packs and two large cups of instant ramen that he realized they weren’t going to be sitting down somewhere quiet and drinking just a little, just enough to numb the senses. Sehun wanted to get flat out drunk.

Sehun dumped everything he bought into Jongin’s lap, settling into the driver’s seat right away.

“Where are we going?” Jongin asked.

“To my place, duh. So if we’re both too drunk to drive at least I can pass out in the safety of my own home,” he said, looking very pleased with his logic. Jongin was alright with the idea, except it probably meant that Sehun wasn’t planning on driving out again after this…

“We’re gonna look really bloated in the morning,” Jongin commented, which was not at all what he really wanted to say.

“Got the whole weekend to sleep it off, don’t we?” Sehun replied.

He wanted to tell Sehun to drop him off later, no matter what time, because he’d never left someone in his apartment alone before. And he’d left his damned phone on the kitchen counter, which meant that he couldn’t tell Kyungsoo where he was... _Or maybe he won’t care,_ Jongin thought with a pang of dejected acceptance. It wasn’t one of their best nights, tonight.

Sehun drove like a madman after he made a few turns and brought them onto a straight road that was completely clear. He zoomed past houses with ease, clearly loving the feel of the engine. All the speed only served to remind Jongin of Kyungsoo’s old neighbourhood and how the roads had been narrower, dirtier, bumpier…

By the time Sehun turned into a driveway, Jongin found himself surprised once more. Sehun’s house looked one step below a full-fledged mansion, all white and sleek with glass walls everywhere, like Sehun couldn’t afford cement. Curtains were drawn over the front of the house so he couldn’t see into it, but Jongin wasn’t about to let his guard down.

For all he knew now, it could look like a castle on the inside. Sehun caught Jongin looking at his place and smirked.

“Jealous?”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “It’s a nice place,” was all he would say to Sehun. Maybe he’d have to take a look at what he was paying Sehun, surely he wasn’t earning enough off Jongin to own this place…

Inside, it was grandiose in every sense of the word. Canvases of abstract art hung from the light blue walls. Minimalist lights from the ceiling illuminated the space, and the only thing that didn't make sense at all were the curtains; they were a deep purple and frankly, didn’t fit with the colour scheme of the place. Jongin was no interior designer but he knew that much at least.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Sehun said, holding the ramen cups and beer. Jongin gripped the two six-packs in both hands.

“The curtain doesn’t match, and the TV should be white too. But they wouldn’t get me a custom-made TV without charging me some exorbitant price, and the curtains were from my mom. She said it gave the place more personality,” Sehun said, then tutted in displeasure.

“The curtains, yes, but the TV… no one needs a white TV, Sehun,” Jongin said.

“You’re one to talk,” Sehun snorted, taking a seat at a glass dining table. Jongin felt like he was walking on eggshells in Sehun’s house; everything was either made of glass or looked fragile. Jongin didn’t know how Sehun managed in here. He placed the six-packs down very carefully.

“I don’t… mean to sound rude here, but could you explain all this?” Jongin said, pointing vaguely at the entire room. Sehun took a can of beer and popped it open first, drank from it and then said, “What about ‘all this’?”

“I thought you lived in an apartment, first of all—”

“Yeah, I do. It’s ten minutes away,” Sehun said, then drank from the can again. This was not going as well as Jongin thought it would. He reluctantly popped a can of beer for himself too, though he was really eyeing the ramen cups. His stomach was complaining of hunger, thanks to his unfinished dinner at home.

“If it’s ten minutes away then why are we here? Don’t tell me you broke into someone’s home,” Jongin said, sipping at his beer.

“No,” Sehun said, affronted, “this is my parents’ place. They’re away on some cruise trip and told me to watch the house.”

“Oh,” Jongin said, rather dumbly.

“Yeah. Any other compelling questions?” Sehun asked.

“The car.”

“Dad’s. He’s gonna pass it to me soon though, he hates it. Says it’s too long for him and his legs are always cramped from stretching too far out.”

So Sehun’s salary was safe for now. Jongin had already been considering slicing his salary in half if he really was earning enough to buy a house in Seoul _and_ own a car.

“You wanna eat first? The water’s gonna take some time to boil, if you don’t mind waiting,” Sehun said, getting up again. He snatched up the ramen cups, and he didn’t look like he cared if Jongin minded waiting or not. Jongin hesitated, thinking about Kyungsoo and the way they left things at home.

He swallowed thickly. Jongin couldn’t argue with him again tonight. He needed— time. Time and space to clear his head and think about what Kyungsoo had said and what it meant about them.

“I think I’ll eat,” Jongin said. Sehun was already preparing the hot water in the kitchen. Jongin took off his coat slowly, letting it lie over the back of one of the chairs.

“So what’s got you looking so glum?” Sehun asked from the kitchen. He had one foot against the door of the cabinet beneath the counter as he tore open the wrapper on the ramen cup, tapping the packet of seasoning powder with practiced ease.

“Glum?” Jongin pretended to misunderstand Sehun, but the tone of his voice sounded fake even to his own ears. Sehun could see right through him too and quirked an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Unless you’re telling me you’re here entirely for the pleasure of visiting me?” Sehun said.

“I’m not glum about anything,” Jongin protested weakly, “I’ve just had a lot on my mind, and… it was too stifling to be alone at home today.”

“M-hm. So tell me, then.”

Jongin looked at Sehun. He wasn’t going to tell him about Kyungsoo anytime soon but… Sehun _was_ one of his best friends, after all. He could skirt carefully around the issue, if nothing else.

“I… I’ve been feeling conflicted. About work and,” he gestured vaguely. He wanted to say love life, but to the outside world, no one save for a few people knew Jongin had been going steady with Kyungsoo for the past few months. Lucky for him, Sehun was his personal assistant for a reason.

“…Personal life?” he finished for Jongin. He fiddled with the ramen cups, which gave Jongin a moment to sigh in relief.

“To put it simply, yeah, um. It’s an old issue, really. You know well, of course, how I feel about taking over Accuretta—”

“Still?” Sehun interrupted. He looked at Jongin, not with surprise or annoyance, but mild pity. Jongin had to look away, because he had not come seeking pity or comfort. He nodded at Sehun’s question.

“I see.”

Jongin grimaced. “Yeah, well… I know it’s been months since my dad stepped down but,” he shrugged, “it’s not what I enjoy, Sehun. I mean yeah, I grew up basically preparing for this job all my life but I don’t— I can’t say that it was what I wanted. I thought I could grow into it, but I’m failing miserably,” he laughed towards the end, unable to help himself.

“Then what do you wanna do?” Sehun asked gently. The water had come to a boil in the electric kettle, and he was pouring hot, steaming water into the ramen cups. Belatedly, Jongin realized he was holding his can of beer still, now trickling cold droplets on his hand.

“I don’t know,” Jongin said forlornly, “not Accuretta. That’s all I know. I want to do anything but be in charge of the company.”

“You know that’s impossible,” Sehun looked at him over his shoulder, “if you leave, your dad could throw you out. You wouldn’t have your family name or any of your dad’s inheritance money when he dies.” Jongin rubbed a hand over his face.

“I know, I know. Which is why I’m just… struggling to come to terms with this. I just can’t face the fact that I’m going to have to live my dad’s dreams instead of my own and…” _And live the rest of my life knowing full well what I want and never be able to truly have it._ Jongin trailed off, and hoped it passed for ruefulness.

It must have, because Sehun looked like he was about to give Jongin a hug. “Well. I don’t know how to help you with that, other than to be at work every day. But this is probably something you should face soon, Jongin. If you don’t, you’ll just go around in circles of misery for the months to come.” Jongin couldn’t tell him that that was exactly what his life already felt like.

Instead, Jongin just downed more beer and swallowed the cold drink. “I’m done talking now. Can we get to the getting wasted part now?” he asked.

*

When Jongin opened his eyes groggily, the first thing he noticed was that it was bright. _Really_ bright. And that there was no Kyungsoo beside him, and the bed was harder than usual.

Turning over onto his back with a groan, the night’s events came back at him like a freight train. His head pounded irregularly, and spots appeared in his vision as he remembered talking with Sehun, then drinking a whole lot more than he ever did since he met Kyungsoo. In fact, he doubted he and Sehun talked much after that; he remembered feeling like hell because of their fight, and guilt combined with alcohol was never a good thing.

He was going to have to go back to the apartment now that it was morning. Kyungsoo would definitely be worried by now, and frankly, Jongin wanted to try and patch things up with him. There was no way they could leave things the way they were last night.

Jongin caught a whiff of his own sour breath and sweat in his hair. _Maybe after a shower_ , Jongin wrinkled his nose. He smelled like a pig; no one in their right mind would forgive him for anything if he smelled like this.

Very cautiously and carefully, Jongin sat up. He looked around— not too quickly— and found Sehun’s house to be empty.

Gingerly, Jongin got to his numb feet and winced as he limped towards the bathroom.

Perhaps it was for the best that he got wasted at Sehun’s place; at the very least, he could clean up a little bit before going back home. He washed up in the bathroom and gargled with Sehun’s expensive-looking mouthwash (no alcohol and 100% organic; he never took Sehun for such fancy stuff). He found some face wash too and used just a tiny bit to get rid of that oily feeling over his skin. At the end of it, Jongin felt less beat up and more like mildly hungover.

His reflection in the mirror looked worse for wear, but Jongin supposed that couldn’t be helped. He vaguely remembered Sehun’s roar of victory when he finished the last can of beer last night shortly before they passed out.

Jongin emerged from the bathroom, and went out looking for Sehun. He could still remember his manners and refrained from opening any closed doors; who knew what he’d find? He just padded around the open areas and finally returned to the kitchen, where their mess from last night had been mysteriously cleaned up. The art pieces hanging from the wall were almost obnoxiously clean.

Only a cold cup of coffee resting over a small note torn from a notepad remained on the table, and he drank the coffee greedily as Jongin read the note:

_‘Left to run errands. Hope you have Uber, ‘cause I took the car and I don’t know when I’ll be back. There’s some crackers in the kitchen if you’re hungry. -S’_

The S scrawled at the bottom looked like Sehun had had a heart attack while holding the pen; the end skittered wildly and Jongin had to stare at it for a moment before he realized Sehun had drawn a messy smiley. On the other side of the note, Sehun had written the address of the house.

While Jongin did not have Uber, he did have a personal driver and ringed Mr. Lee up while searching for the promised crackers. It was a miracle he didn’t puke whatever that was in his stomach last night, but he still didn’t feel too good. Jongin hoped eating something would help, and he was opening up the second set of cabinets when Mr. Lee answered.

“Sir?”

“Hey, I left the apartment last night and I need you to come pick me up,” Jongin said, cringing when his voice came out in a rasp. Mr. Lee was more than ready to comply as Jongin rattled off the address to him.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes or so, sir.”

“Thanks,” Jongin hung up. He found the crackers in a cabinet by the fridge and ate only three of them before he had to run to the bathroom to puke everything out.

 

Twenty minutes later, Jongin caught sight of a familiar Rolls Royce coming to a stop outside the house and couldn’t be happier to rush out of Sehun’s gates (although he couldn’t exactly run, he still felt like jelly with two left legs).

Jongin didn’t lock the place up after him since Sehun had not bothered to leave him a key, but he supposed the house and its bad curtains would be safe for a few hours. He got into the car and laid down on the seats gratefully as Mr. Lee drove off at a careful speed.

He probably could guess Jongin had been drinking all night; wouldn’t be his first time seeing Jongin in this state anyway.

“This is Mr. Oh’s residence, isn’t it, sir?” Mr. Lee asked from the front.

“Yeah. We met up last night,” Jongin mumbled, too worn out from his puke session to elaborate further. The sun was still a little too bright for Jongin’s liking; spring was nice, but not for people with massive headaches and empty tummies. _Or maybe I’m still a little bit drunk_ , Jongin thought, holding back a burp. He hoped Kyungsoo had some food back at the apartment.

He fell asleep during the ride home, but woke up feeling oddly refreshed. Hell, he even walked without Mr. Lee’s help all the way up to his floor before he started to feel a little nauseous again, except this time he knew there was nothing in his stomach and it was only because he didn’t know what to expect anymore.

Jongin used to feel comforted when he came home, but now… It felt strange. He had a sense of déjà vu from last night except this felt significantly worse.

He shook it off impatiently. _You’re hungover and you’re imagining things_ , he told himself sternly. No need to get worked up on something that he wasn’t even sure about.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the apartment hesitantly. Kyungsoo was already waiting, just as he’d always been, lingering by the door as if he’d been waiting for Jongin to arrive the entire time. Kyungsoo looked relieved to see him at first, then a little shocked. _Do I look that bad?_ he frowned as Kyungsoo padded over in his slippers.

“J-Jongin, shit, are you okay? You look pale and—” Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose when he came close. “You smell like beer.”

“I was just… out. With Sehun,” he added, so Kyungsoo wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

“Drinking?” Kyungsoo guessed, with only a hint of disappointment that Jongin almost didn’t catch. He nodded, kicking off his shoes.

“I— Listen, I think you need to shower first, and after that, we probably should um…” Kyungsoo gestured towards himself and Jongin vaguely. A shadow passed over Kyungsoo’s face for the briefest second, like he wasn’t looking forward to the conversation.

“Talk about us, I suppose?” Jongin tried not to sound petulant.

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo moved to help him. “C’mon, though, I’ll help you into the bathroom,” he said, and Jongin felt immensely sad and happy all at once. He was happy that Kyungsoo still had the capacity to care for him and it reminded Jongin of what he’d felt for Kyungsoo when they first met. He remembered that no one had ever really tried for him as much as Kyungsoo did, but sadness tinged his cloud when he recalled that reality was a bitch and Jongin must’ve spat in her tofu in some past life or other.

 _Why can’t things just stay the same?_ Jongin thought crossly. 

“Are you joining me?” Jongin asked, when Kyungsoo began to take off Jongin’s belt. It was an offhanded question, and he didn’t think of it until he actually said it.

Kyungsoo stopped, then continued to unbuckle Jongin’s belt, “No. I don’t think this is the right time if we’re being honest here…”

“But I want you, hyung. All the time. And I’m sorry if you ever thought I didn’t,” Jongin said, trying to catch his eye. Kyungsoo didn’t seem to notice.

“We’ll talk later, outside,” was all he said to Jongin. It had a sense of foreboding that Jongin didn’t quite like.

Kyungsoo stripped him all the way down to his boxers and stopped short of shoving him under the shower; Jongin must’ve looked worse than he thought. Kyungsoo left the bathroom with Jongin’s soiled clothes and closed the door after himself. They’d never fought to the point where the awkwardness lasted over a day.

Jongin couldn’t tell if he wasn’t apologizing sincerely enough or if apologies could no longer cut it anymore.

 _It can’t be that_ , Jongin told himself. It couldn’t be. He’d try harder, and if Kyungsoo loved him, he would do the same too. They couldn’t not resolve things, because ultimately Jongin still loved Kyungsoo and would truly break down if Kyungsoo didn’t love him back anymore.

He cleaned up efficiently once he was done with the shower. Jongin shaved and brushed his teeth hard, then made sure to slap on some lotion all over his body. He felt more like himself as he went through the routine on auto-pilot, shucking the hangover like a second skin. Only a minor headache remained when he was done, and even that could be remedied once he ate something and had more coffee.

“Hyung?” he called once he stepped out.

“By the TV,” Kyungsoo called back. Jongin found some warm clothes to wear in the closet and put them on without much thought. He was just eager to get over this now, so they could go back to being more amicable and less like they were about to scream at each other.

Loyal as ever, Kyungsoo had coffee prepared, as well as a full plate of food. Last night’s dinner had disappeared (probably into the waste bin), replaced with a fresh salad. There was eggs and bacon bits among colourful veggies; a good way to ease his stomach from last night’s activities. Jongin felt his health returning as he crunched on rocket leaves while he stood at the counter.

“Hyung, I was out last night and I’ve been thinking—”

“I found a job,” Kyungsoo interrupted him.

Jongin stopped munching mid-sentence. The leaves were bitter in his mouth. “A job?” he echoed.

“A job,” Kyungsoo nodded, and the rest of his sentence came out in a rush like he’d been practicing his lines all morning, “I got a call just an hour ago and… I think I’m going to take it. It’s a small publishing house looking for photographers, and they’re offering a pretty good salary with all things considered. With some of my savings, I think I’ve found an apartment to rent—”

“Wait, you found a place too?” Jongin swallowed the leaves without chewing them properly. This was happening too fast for Jongin to even process it one by one.

“I did,” Kyungsoo replied, though he was wringing his hands nervously. Jongin looked at him in amazement.

“So like… that’s it? We have one fight, and you suddenly have an apartment and a job?” Jongin said. It came out sounding more rough than he intended, like he was accusing Kyungsoo, and he caught Kyungsoo’s flinch as he said that.

“I was going to talk about that too. I just felt like putting that out first,” Kyungsoo said, sounding less certain.

“Okay. You have a job now, and an apartment. Where does that leave us? Don’t we need to clear things out a bit before you just take off?” Jongin asked.

“But that’s the thing Jongin, I don’t think it’s something we can clear up,” Kyungsoo said, voice quivering slightly. Everything shifted at once. The world seemed to rearrange itself around these words.

_I don’t think it’s something we can clear up._

Jongin could feel it sinking in, an ashen feeling taking over his body. His soul seemed to go still, and he felt like it’d been detached from his body like a dead man. That was the _one_ thing Jongin never thought Kyungsoo would say. This sounded completely wrong, it sounded like goodbye, like an ending just as Jongin was about to make things right—

“No, why don’t you think we can clear it up? I could do more, hyung, I don’t wanna lose you to the company even if I get super busy,” Jongin said pleadingly. _This isn’t happening_ , Jongin thought, there was no way they were going to end like this.

“Jongin, you can’t do _more_ , we both know it,” Kyungsoo covered his face with his hands.

“I was… wrong last night, I admit it. I can’t make you choose between me and the company because I know how much this means to you. I know you need to make the company work, and you can't do it if I’m in your way.”

“Hyung, you’re never in my way,” Jongin set down the bowl loudly and took a step forward to Kyungsoo. He stepped back, which hurt Jongin like nothing else could. “Hyung,” he lowered his voice, “you mean a lot to me. _You_ mean more than just some company my dad built.”

 _I love you_. The words hung unspoken between them. Kyungsoo could say that he was irresponsible, undependable or even a fool but that, _that_ he could not take away from Jongin. He couldn’t just do this and take himself out of Jongin’s life after being a part of him for so long. 

“Jongin… I know,” Kyungsoo said, and he sounded resigned, like he was tired of all this, tired of fighting.

“I keep telling you that, hyung, so why don’t you believe in me and trust in me?” Jongin asked, and this time he held out a hand to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo had dropped his hands now, and took Jongin’s hand gently, their skin tones contrasting like a familiar painting. His hand felt comforting even as his heart felt like it was being tugged at. 

“You’re not _mine_ , Jongin,” Kyungsoo sounded harsh as he said this, “You’re not, even when you say you love me and even if I love you back just as much. We’ve… gone as far as we could, and I think it’s time we stopped. I know you love your father, Jongin, you care about what he thinks. And that’s okay, Jongin,” Kyungsoo looked up at him with teary eyes.

“I know that without me in the way, you’ll make him proud through Accuretta and we’ll find our own places in the world. I’m so, _so_ happy that I met you, Jongin, and I still love you—”

 _Stop_ , the thought was loud in Jongin’s head.

“—This isn’t our final goodbye. We can still be friends, o-or whatever. That way, you can concentrate more on your company and I can try to regain footing in the world—”

“ _Stop_ ,” Jongin whispered, tasting bitterness on his tongue. Kyungsoo stopped, a hand over his mouth as tears rolled into tracks down his face. The familiarity of his face struck Jongin as if he was looking at Kyungsoo for the first time; his dark eyes, the pale rosiness of his skin and the furrow of his eyebrows as he sobbed silently into his hand. He couldn’t look at Kyungsoo and think about just being friends with him.

Jongin hugged Kyungsoo, tightly, because he couldn’t stand it. He hated how fucking weak he felt at the fact that he wasn’t even to make Kyungsoo stay, that he wasn’t strong enough to be there for Kyungsoo _and_ the company, that he was the one making Kyungsoo cry and he had no idea how to stop this.

“I’ll be better, hyung, I’ll try harder,” Jongin whispered harshly into Kyungsoo’s temple as tears fell from his own eyes too. They trickled hot down his cheeks, plopping onto the strands of Kyungsoo’s dark hair.

“No, Jongin,” Kyungsoo shook his head, arms crushing around Jongin’s torso, “there’s nothing left.”

But there was. There was Jongin’s desire to have only one thing in life, and Kyungsoo was going to walk away from him. He couldn’t believe this was really happening and tried to memorize everything about Kyungsoo, like the way he felt in Jongin’s arms, and the smell of his shampoo in his nostrils…

He suddenly couldn’t remember what it was like to touch Kyungsoo’s skin and found his hands pushing up Kyungsoo’s sweater and ran his fingers over his soft flesh. Jongin never knew this was what desperation felt like, to be in love and to have love walk out on you for reasons that you could never force to go away.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to realize, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said softly.

“Realize what?”

“That I love you, and I’m selfish enough to want all of you or… nothing at all. I can’t make us both miserable by making us wait for something that will never happen and you,” he pulled back to hold Jongin’s face, and Jongin felt vulnerable in that moment, and realized why he loved Kyungsoo.

He was flawed, terribly so, but Kyungsoo could still make him feel loved and understood. Jongin wished he was better at doing the same, better at making Kyungsoo feel all the things Jongin did. Maybe then none of this would have happened.

“I said I’d wait, Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispered, “but I can’t do it.”

“But hyung, I love you,” Jongin said. It sounded pathetic even to his ears. “I— I don’t know how to be without you.” His chest hurt, and he wondered if Kyungsoo was feeling the same.

“I don’t know how to, either,” Kyungsoo whispered back. He kissed Jongin on the lips softly. It felt like their first and their last time. Jongin pressed their bodies together, feeling his world shatter into pieces.

“You can’t go, hyung, not like this,” he said, placing a kiss on the corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“I have to,” Kyungsoo replied. Jongin could only press two more kisses over Kyungsoo’s jaw before Kyungsoo broke away, pulling from Jongin and walking into the bedroom. Jongin followed, and saw Kyungsoo going to the closet. He dragged out his bags, and began to throw his things into the bags.

“Hyung,” Jongin choked out.

“Jongin, I don’t want to argue with you anymore,” Kyungsoo said without looking at him. Well, Jongin couldn’t watch this, and walked back out into the living room. He stood for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he turned to the kitchen. In the fridge, there was a bottle of wine as usual and he drank from it, some of the dark red liquid dribbling down his chin.

He wasn’t going to watch Kyungsoo leave. He knew there was no point stopping Kyungsoo, not when it would just cause another fight and make him want all the more to leave Jongin.

So he crumbled down by the couch, his legs unable to hold him up anymore.

Jongin listened to him packing things up, listened to him zip and fold. Jongin didn’t want to see how empty the house would look without Kyungsoo’s things around. He drank more wine, let the alcohol burn in the back of his throat.

He wished he could go up in flames so he didn’t have to feel all this anguish. The bottle was almost empty when Kyungsoo emerged from the room.

“Jongin?”

It was childish, but he didn’t want to answer. He didn’t even realize he was shaking and crying silently till he looked down at his lap and saw droplets soaking through his pants. But he was merciless unto himself, and gripped the wine bottle like it was his only hold to sanity.

“Jongin, I’ll send someone to collect the rest of my things. I’m not— You can still call me, if… you need to. I’m not going to change my number, or make this any more difficult than it has to be.”

Jongin counted his breaths in the silence that followed. He couldn’t do this and yet it was unfolding before him anyway, like a natural disaster that was happening in front of him and he could only watch as it took everything and destroyed all that was in its path. He tasted blood on his lower lip when Kyungsoo finally cleared his throat and said, “Goodbye, I guess. I’ll… I’ll be in touch for my things. I’m sorry—”

“Just go,” Jongin said hoarsely, dragging a trembling hand through his hair.

The doorknob clicked, and he heard Kyungsoo step out. He was quiet as he left, just as he was quiet when he first came into Jongin’s apartment.

“I love you,” Jongin mouthed, when it was far too late and Kyungsoo was long gone. The words burned in his mouth. Jongin could hear his own heart breaking in the silence and let all his emotions finally wash over him. 

 

*

Kyungsoo couldn’t hold back in his tears as he made his way down to the lobby, and was already sobbing incessantly before he ever clambered clumsily into Luhan’s car.

Luhan had his arms around Kyungsoo despite the small interior of the car, squeezing him tightly and promising that everything would be alright. Kyungsoo felt stupid for even crying because he’d been thinking about this for a long time, had been waiting for the right moment. But it didn’t change the fact that it hurt when he walked out on Jongin like a quitter.

It didn’t change how it felt to see Jongin curled up and facing his back to him, like someone had ripped his heart out with a chainsaw. Kyungsoo had tried, but he saw the inevitable as the months passed. Jongin was busy, preoccupied with a life that didn’t involve in Kyungsoo and he was a fool to have thought that being near him was enough.

He’d fallen helplessly in love, deeper than he ever thought he would, and it was better to break Jongin’s heart now while they still had good memories left, than to wait till the bitter end.

“Are you sure?” Luhan whispered, gently rubbing his back. Kyungsoo nodded, wishing— despite himself— that it was someone else’s arms around him. Someone whose heart he’d just broken. Kyungsoo had a lot of regrets; this was probably going to be the biggest one of them all, even if it was the right thing to do.

“I mean I know you talked about it, but Soo…” Luhan wiped Kyungsoo’s tears away with his thumbs. “We’re still here, y’know. If you’re having any like, second thoughts—”

“N-No,” Kyungsoo stuttered, shaking his head. He tried to breathe over the weight on his chest.

“No second thoughts. I already made you drive all the way here anyway…”

“Soo. You know that’s not an issue,” Luhan said sternly.

Stubbornly, Kyungsoo shook his head. “I’m sure about this. I’ll be— fine. Soon. It’s what’s best for him.”

Luhan looked like he wanted to say something, but bit on it. For that, Kyungsoo was grateful. He wanted to leave this place while he still had the resolve to do it. _While I still have my pride_ , Kyungsoo thought, dropping his head into his hands to choke back on the sob threatening to climb out of his aching chest.

“…Alright then. My place?” Luhan said, shifting gears. Kyungsoo hummed half-heartedly. The car started to move, taking Kyungsoo away from the home he’d known for months, the only home without four walls where he felt like he belonged.


	24. these wounds won't seem to heal (this pain is just too real)

When Jongin saw that he had three missed calls from Luhan this morning, he knew what he wanted right away.

Luhan had been calling Jongin up for the past four days, in fact, and it was unlikely that he just wanted to meet up for coffee. Jongin resolutely refused to call him back in all that time, even though he knew damn well that Luhan was somewhere in the building and could just walk into his office to talk to him. 

 _Let him come_ , he thought, _and I’ll throw him right back out. I own Accuretta, don’t I?_

Kyungsoo had made that very clear when he left Jongin, after all. Apparently he could leave Jongin and take himself out of the equation because Accuretta was ‘too important’ for Jongin to disregard. Apparently, it was his to decide what was good for Jongin. But no one, not even Kyungsoo, seemed to fucking understand that Accuretta wasn’t important _enough_ to Jongin.

 _He should’ve just said if he didn’t love me anymore,_ Jongin thought bitterly. Kyungsoo didn’t need to pin the blame on Accuretta if the fault had been Jongin’s all along. There must’ve been a crack somewhere in their relationship that Jongin didn’t notice till Kyungsoo took to shattering it into pieces himself.

Jongin had always thought Kyungsoo was the one person who’d be honest and open with him about things. He had obviously thought wrong.

There was a board members’ meeting happening at the moment. Jongin couldn’t be bothered to leave the comfort of the leather seat in his office to attend it; most likely, it was a meeting to discuss when another meeting would happen. Jongin found that he had no more patience for that.

He had everything that he needed in his office now anyway; a drink, with plenty more to refill his glass when it was drained empty. Jongin was suddenly grateful that his father had always made it a point to have a well-stocked wet bar in all of his offices for entertaining guests. It now meant that Jongin was never without some wine or some brandy.

Someone entered his office as he swirled the brandy in his glass idly. Only one person would have the nerves of steel to walk into Jongin’s office unannounced.

“Sehun,” Jongin drawled, voice slurring slightly.

“Jongin,” the aforementioned personal assistant said his name in a hard voice.

“To what do I owe this surprise visit?” Jongin asked without turning around. The view of the outside made Jongin feel less like a prisoner in a cell of his own making. _Spring always makes everything better_ , he mused. He sipped at his brandy mildly. And good, strong brandy. It made him feel heady, like he could sink into his seat and disappear.

“Are you aware that you’re supposed to be in a meeting right now?” Sehun asked. He sounded displeased. _Join the club_ , Jongin thought.

“M-hm. I didn’t want to go,” Jongin replied. He heard Sehun’s sigh of exasperation; Jongin could already picture him shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose in silent frustration. It gave Jongin a dark thrill, though it could’ve just been the brandy.

“You haven’t been attending meetings this week, Jongin. How long do you think this can go on?” Sehun asked.

“For as long as I can put it off,” Jongin announced. His head pounded for a moment, and he shut his eyes tightly, waiting for it to pass. He could hear Sehun saying something rather heatedly, though he couldn’t quite make out the words over the loud pounding in his head…

 “…can’t keep skipping. I don’t even know what the fuck has been up with you these days but if you don’t stop drinking, Jongin, I swear, I’ll clear out your wet bar—”

Jongin swung himself around in his chair even though his vision blurred dangerously and his head spun as if he’d just dunked himself into a washing machine. He levelled the hand holding his glass of brandy at Sehun, noting that his hand was shaking slightly.

“Don’t touch my booze,” he slurred with as much conviction as possible.

“Or what?” Sehun rolled his eyes, bored. Except Jongin could see the tension in the line of his shoulders, in the clench of his fists. He wasn’t happy with Jongin, just like everyone else in Jongin’s life was right now. As fucking usual. But Jongin was not opposed to throwing his weight around when need be, especially the office.

“Or I’ll walk out of this building and you won’t be able to convince me to come back in,” Jongin stated simply.

Sehun paled visibly. Jongin was already on the verge of just walking out on Accuretta anyway, damn the consequences. All he needed was an excuse, and he wished— with a desperation he didn’t know he could still feel— that Sehun would just end his misery so Jongin could go home and never leave again.

Unfortunately, Sehun saw right through him (or not, depending on the way you looked at it). “Fine,” he acceded abruptly, as if he had better things to do than to argue with Jongin.

Jongin was disappointed and at the same time, relieved for some reason.

“But you have a visitor. He uh,” Sehun cleared his throat and looked away from Jongin, but not before he caught the flash of embarrassment in his eyes. Jongin never knew Sehun felt such a thing as shame. And what kind of visitor made Sehun feel embarrassed anyway?

“He’s waiting outside. If you’re not going to your meeting, I’m sending him in,” Sehun said, and walked out before Jongin could think of anything to say. Jongin shrugged. Whoever it was wasn’t going to get anything out of him, that was for sure.

_Unless it’s…_

Jongin’s blood froze.

No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t come. He didn’t want Jongin that way anymore, so why would he be here?

_There’s nothing left._

He could remember the way Kyungsoo’s voice sounded in his ears, as clear as a bell. He could remember each nuance, the way some words curled off his tongue differently from the way Jongin would’ve said it. He could remember the thrum of low notes in his voice when he hummed tunes under his breath—

“Kim Jongin.”

It was not the voice Jongin had been expecting. He looked up and saw Luhan; his heart plummeted so quickly in his chest, Jongin almost felt like laughing.

“You came,” Jongin said. He couldn’t say he was surprised. Luhan was made of stronger stuff than he looked, Jongin knew. He knew that being the CEO now didn’t change the way Luhan looked at him, simply because Luhan had faced worse people than Jongin. And now, Luhan was looking at him like he was some kind of abandoned animal; a mix of pity and disgust.

Jongin didn’t like it.

“I did. Because you wouldn’t answer my calls. I had to practically tackle your assistant just to come here,” Luhan spat angrily.

“I see that your previous work experience was helpful,” Jongin said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. His glass was almost empty in his hand, and he wanted to refill it to bring back that warm rush of the alcohol absorbing into his system. An inner voice told him to get rid of Luhan first. He didn’t want Luhan to see him do anything worth reporting back to Kyungsoo.

Luhan made a noise of irritation in his throat. “Whatever. I suppose you know why I’m here despite everything?”

“Yes. You want to take some things away in my apartment,” Jongin said. He was surprised at how calm he sounded.

“I do. So do I follow you home today, or is there another way you wanna do this?” Luhan asked.

“Just ask Sehun for the passcode. Take it all and if you need help, let Sehun know,” Jongin said, suddenly feeling like he was being hollowed out from the inside. Luhan was going to take everything away, everything that still had Kyungsoo in his apartment. Jongin wasn’t going to help him do it, and neither did he want to know what Luhan would take and what he would not.

“I can’t just _go_ in your apartment,” Luhan protested in disbelief.

“Yes, you can. Sehun won’t ask questions but if he does, I’m sure you can come up with something,” Jongin smiled dryly. The haze of the brandy made everything seem like nothing more than something that needed to be done; menial work which required no thought.

Luhan still looked doubtful. “Don’t you think I might steal something?” he asked, “I could steal your check book, or your one of your fancy watches—”

“Wouldn’t matter to me,” Jongin said shortly, “there’s nothing worth taking in the apartment anyway.” Jongin meant he didn’t exactly have treasures stashed away in his apartment, but Luhan looked like he was hearing something else in Jongin’s voice.

Jongin was starting to get angry at how… _transparent_ he seemed to be right now. He wasn’t some goddamned magazine to be read.

“I won’t steal your fancy stuff,” Luhan said slowly.

“Good,” Jongin turned in his seat once more, “now if you’ll excuse me, I have better things to do.” It was a dismissal, and he hoped Luhan could see that.

Luhan was silent for a moment. Then he spoke hesitantly, “You know, Kyungsoo is sad too—”

Anger boiled up in Jongin faster than a freight train at the mention of his name. It burned away the haze of the brandy like nothing else could, eating it all up in a sudden burst of heat. Almost everything came into sharp focus, and it all came back to Jongin with full force.

_There’s nothing left._

Kyungsoo, with tears in his eyes. Kyungsoo, walking out the door. Kyungsoo, when Jongin first told him he loved him—

 “Don’t you fucking _dare_ say his name,” Jongin barked, slamming his hand down on the hand rest of his seat. He didn’t want to know, he didn’t want to hear about Kyungsoo and how fucking sad he was because Jongin was in enough misery. There was no other emotion left to spare for anyone else and he had no capacity to _care_.

 _I don’t want to know_ , Jongin thought viciously, Kyungsoo’s face burning in the back of his eyelids. Luhan fell into silence.

“I said you’re excused,” Jongin snapped a moment later. It was tense enough in the office that Jongin didn’t need to look at Luhan to know he was seething with barely leashed anger too. Well, that made two of them, except Jongin could throw his ass out with a call. 

“Fine.”

There was a crunch, then a small thump, and Jongin heard Luhan storming out the office at that. Jongin wanted to sigh in relief, but his chest felt heavy, with some emotion that he wasn’t going to name. When the door slid shut, he turned to face his office once more. He needed a drink, for God’s sake.

Jongin glanced at his desk just as he was about to get up. There was a small brown envelope on his desk that wasn’t there before, bent somewhat out of shape, probably from being stuffed into Luhan’s pockets or something. There was no name on it, but Jongin knew it was from _him_ (who else could it be?), and reached for it.

Did Kyungsoo think they were still thirteen years old, passing notes to each other like fucking kids?

He ripped the top of the envelope open. It was oddly heavy, like it didn’t contain a note or a letter, but something with more weight than that. Jongin peered inside; it was a ring.

Jongin opened up the first drawer on his left and swept the envelope in, ring and all. Then he shut it like it contained the plague. He couldn’t fucking do this, there was only so much he could take. He could feel his tears coming on again, building in his chest like rocks resting just above his heart—

When he walked out of the office, Sehun sputtered into a series of swears and protests, chasing after him frantically.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going now—”

“I need to be alone for a bit,” Jongin said, and hoped it would suffice. But this was Oh Sehun, who wanted Jongin’s whole goddamned life story or else nothing would satisfy him.

“For how long? Jesus, you can't just walk out—”

“I can,” Jongin turned to look at him, “and I will. Just give me a day, and I’ll be back.”

“How do I know you mean that?” Sehun threw up his hands. Jongin stopped in front of his elevator; Sehun looked like he had half a mind to block Jongin. Jongin’s gaze told Sehun that if he did, this would no longer be just a verbal exchange.

“There’s just something I need to take care of,” Jongin said.

-

Upon his arrival, Club Red had welcomed Jongin with open arms.

The girls were glad to see him again, and the newer ones were eager to get their hands on him. One of the most notoriously dreamy and filthy rich clients had returned to the club, and they weren’t going to let him leave early. Jongin was more than content to let them have their way.

Jongin couldn’t even remember half of their names, even the ones with faces he could recognize, but it didn’t matter, of course. All of them were willing to drink his money away, and Jongin was more than willing to order round after round despite the fact that it was the afternoon and it was early for everyone.

“Why didn’t you come back?” one purred in his ear.

Another poured him his fourth drink and handed it to him while whispering, “I missed you, Jongin…”

As the day progressed, Jongin felt hands on his leg, his inner thigh, his chest. Some pried his jacket open, other fingered the buttons on his shirt teasingly. Clearly, there was more than enough of Jongin to go around in the club.

Jongin felt delicate fingers in his hair, soft whispers in his ear. The champagne buzz was euphorically pleasant but to his dismay, none of their touches made him feel _alive_. Instead, they reminded him of the very person he wanted to forget, and Jongin drank more champagne determinedly to wash away his emotions and memories.

Jongin didn’t want to think about those days when he had Kyungsoo in his arms, days when they would just kiss and it would be enough. Jongin just wanted it all gone.

The thing about heartbreak was that it didn't just shatter you.

It built you back into one differently, usually worse for wear and if you were lucky, sometimes still functional. But if Jongin was honest with himself, he didn't want to move on. He still wanted Kyungsoo even if he wouldn't have Jongin anymore, and if that was the case then he was content with being alone, because there was no one better to love.

 _Just me and my bottle of champagne_ , Jongin smiled darkly. If he couldn’t have the best, then might as well settle for nothing at all.

*

Jongin didn’t know how the news got out that he was a frequent patron at Club Red and that he usually drank himself to a drunken stupor whenever he was there, but the repercussions were brutal all the same.

Sehun was mad. Suho was mad. Hell, even Chanyeol called up from his summer holiday in Sweden to tell him that he was mad. News sites and online forums jeered, openly calling him a failure in comparison to his father.

In response, Jongin, very calmly, told all of his friends and reporters who called for a comment to kindly fuck off; while the way he spent his weekends were now questionable and he would quite possibly never have the squeakiest of images ever again, Accuretta had never performed this well since the economy slipped.

It was like all the time he now had to spend in the office flicked a switch in Jongin’s brain, one that churned ideas he never knew he could come up with to boost the company’s performance. The alcohol in his bloodstream only seemed to spur him on further too, during the first few minutes of light-headedness.

Sure, it wasn’t what it was back in the glory days of when Mr. Kim Senior still controlled the company, but the new Mr. Kim was now guiding Accuretta into a new future by releasing smartphones, apps, rebuilding and reimaging their old products. It was all things that the modern generation could not resist. Their debts lessened, and profits slowly climbed their way up the charts.

Sometimes the occasional snort of heroine helped when Jongin wanted that shoot of adrenaline, but Jongin didn’t bother with it on most days. He’d get more than ideas with heroine; Jongin would see visions of monsters, angry gods and fallen angels all around him. He’d see his family dying, his friends dead in his arms. Worst of all, he’d see Kyungsoo in the middle of it all, wearing the most immaculate clothes Jongin had ever pictured on him. He’d smile, and Jongin would break because it’d be too real for him to handle.

And then the coming down from a heroine high was more than he could take. After forty minutes or so, it was like falling from a thirty storey building and bashing his head on a rock. They made him too jittery, made him see things he didn’t want to see.

No, he stuck to his selection of wine and vodka, anything that could send him to a dark, dreamless sleep once he’d had enough of it.

In the meantime, while waiting for the drinks to knock him out cold, Jongin brainstormed ideas with Sehun and Suho, maybe even drew a diagram (or a hundred) to illustrate his point. They had dozens of folders now, of countless projects that were going to revive Accuretta over the next five years.

Some were useful, some needed work, some could be melded with others to be better. Suho put together teams carefully, to work on the finer details on the good ideas.

Despite all this outer success, Jongin sensed his friends’ disappointment, of course, though it was nothing new. Somehow, some way, Jongin was always never good enough for someone. But what could they say to him? Stop drinking and stop coming up with crazy brilliant plans that no one with a sane mind would?

Jongin knew for a fact they wouldn’t, not when they needed this desperately from him. His friends and family left him alone with his drinks, and if anyone tried to get in between Jongin and his glass, there’d be hell to pay. Accuretta flourished under the control of its ‘alcoholic, loose cannon of a CEO’ (as the newspapers put it).

He didn’t give a fuck what people thought of him. Why should it matter, when numbers were all that mattered now? If anyone on the board dared to object or voice their thoughts on how he was running the company, Jongin simply flung things at them till they went away; it worked oddly every time.

Life was great. Life was sweet. Jongin was living the goddamned dream.

And yet, on the rare days like this one where he had no choice but to go to his apartment and face the empty walls, devoid of paper cranes, the empty bed, the empty kitchen, Jongin felt tears burning in the back of his eyes and a heavy pressure on his chest. He’d face anything else; a meeting, a group of girls eager to get him naked, even Sehun and Suho yelling at him. Anything but this.

Sehun had sent Jongin home after he found him for the nth time sleeping on the office floor. All Jongin wanted to do was open his drawer and look at the ring, but as it turned out, that needed more courage than he ever had and Jongin ended up drank himself senseless.

Sehun sputtered some shit while dragging Jongin into his car about how all the money Jongin earned meant that no one was supposed to see him behave like that. Jongin was only too tired to answer, though if he could, he would’ve told Sehun that the truth was that he felt homeless.

It was all very well that he still had his apartment passcode and he could still recognize the rooms and walls, but he didn’t _feel_ at home. He couldn’t find it anywhere, not in the arms of some hostess in Club Red, not in his office, not in this godforsaken apartment.

Perhaps the worst part of it all was that he _knew_ with all sobriety where he would feel at home— or more specifically, whom— but Jongin supposed it was one of those things you just couldn’t buy.

Jongin was— to put it simply— pathetically miserable.

He couldn’t even say what he was trying to prove at this point, and to whom. Perhaps it was a little bit of _look at me, this is what you’ve done to me_ and a lot of just plain revenge, though what kind, he wasn’t sure.

It certainly was stupid in a way, that Accuretta was doing good now that Kyungsoo was out of his life. If anything, it just proved evidence in what Kyungsoo said, that he was a distraction to Jongin.

 _Didn’t feel like that at all_ , Jongin thought. No, it felt like torture of the purest kind. It felt like someone cared, felt like someone was on his side. Being with Kyungsoo was bloody and raw and yet still sweet like strawberries. Without Kyungsoo, Jongin was lost.

Jongin laid down, spread eagle, on the floor of his living room with nothing but his thoughts and bottles of wine to accompany him.

Everything smelled sort of musty in his apartment. If he concentrated, he could see little particles floating in the air, dancing to a tune he couldn’t decipher. He had never gotten around to getting a maid back in to clean his place, and didn’t see why he should start now.

Why bother clean up a place that no one was going to live in anyway?

 _I wish I could hate him,_ Jongin thought.

He wished, but he loved Kyungsoo too much to do that.

He wished that he could go into the room with magenta walls and face the memories there, but Jongin wasn’t strong enough for that.

He wished that he could return Kyungsoo’s texts that came in every once in a while (wished he had the nerve to read them too), but he was too much of a coward to be just friends with him.

He wished, with the despair of a broken man beyond repair, that he could give away every single thing he had in his life now, if only to get one person back.   

There were a lot of things he wished for, and they continued to remain abstract thoughts swirling around his head like a mist. He had played with fire, and he was now paying the price for thinking he could win. The ring around his finger, the one he couldn’t take off, was a dead weight on his right hand.

Someone knocked on the door. Jongin was content to let the person behind the door stay there till the end of time, because he didn’t plan on letting anyone in. He wasn’t in the mood for talking or entertaining one of his friends’ lectures—

“Jongin? Suho told me you’re in today so come to the door before there’s no more door,” Chanyeol’s deep voice trilled.

Jongin frowned. As far as he was concerned, Chanyeol was now in Aspen with his parents and girlfriend, touring around the world till summer ended. What the hell was he doing on Jongin’s doorstep and threatening the position of Jongin’s front door? _If only I could delete his presence_ , Jongin thought in irritation.

 _Actually on second thought, that sounds like the start of an idea_ , Jongin cocked his head to one side. Perhaps he could come up with an app that could remind others to keep away.

Only because Jongin liked having a front door and did not want Chanyeol to barge in and make things worse, Jongin got up and staggered towards the door. He let it creak open, and saw Chanyeol standing there with a picnic basket and a beret with thousands of feathers on his head.

“Care for some tea?” Chanyeol smiled warmly.

Jongin just rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here?” he said flatly. His voice cracked; that usually wasn’t a good sign.

“Here to nurse you back to health, of course! You’re not eating a lot, I heard, and I can see it from your haggard appearance that you are lacking a certain, er…” Chanyeol gestured delicately with his fingers, “appetite. Not of the carnal kind, obviously. We all know you love girls now,” Chanyeol cackled.

“Look, if you’re here to laugh at me, I have some empty wine bottles to throw at you, so don’t test me today, Park, or I swear—”

“Fine, fine,” Chanyeol interrupted, folding his arms. “God, but you are boring now. What happened to you, even, Jongin? You were a lot more fun in the past, y’know,” he sulked.

Jongin bit on his tongue, unwilling to speak about what truly plagued him in his dreams and kept him awake to push Accuretta back out onto the market. Chanyeol waited for a reply, but Jongin couldn’t come up with one. Instead, he let Chanyeol in, and did not take to heart his low whistle upon seeing the state of Jongin’s apartment.

“Well, well, Jongin, you’ve really outdone yourself this time in interior designing,” Chanyeol said, setting the picnic basket down on the kitchen counter. He placed his beret over it when he noticed a thin layer of dust covering every surface, and Jongin caught the look of distaste as he took a look around the area in detail.

It wasn’t exactly filthy, but it was plain as paper now. Empty green bottles took up space on many of the horizontal spaces in the apartment. Definitely not to Chanyeol’s finer tastes, but fine with Jongin.

“Did Sehun ask you to come by?” Jongin asked tiredly, plopping down on the couch and hugging a pillow to his chest.

“Yes, because he felt pity would be wasted on you and he knew there was only one person in this world who would not pity Kim Jongin, and that is _moi_ ,” Chanyeol held out his hands proudly. Jongin felt a wave of dizziness blurring his friend’s tall figure, and squeezed his eyes shut.

“You’re right. I don’t need pity. I’m doing fine anyway,” Jongin replied, resting his head on the cushion and not caring that it would leave a pattern imprinted on his cheek later on.

“…I wouldn’t describe this as ‘fine’, but we all have our opinions,” Chanyeol acceded. There was a series of noises; Jongin assumed he was opening up the picnic basket. He could smell hot rice and soup a moment later, and his stomach roiled. Jongin lifted his head to push down the urge to gag.

He felt Chanyeol sit down on the couch beside him, and he inched away from him. Up close, the smell was worse. “Oh c’mon, you need to eat, y’know,” Chanyeol said, when he noticed Jongin’s behaviour.

“I don’t want to,” Jongin hissed, cracking one eye open. Chanyeol’s beret was back on his head, the rhinestones dazzling Jongin. The bout of dizziness was gone as fast as it came, but the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach remained.

“Why not? This is bean paste soup,” Chanyeol held up the small flask in his hand. Jongin shook his head. He’d been having trouble swallowing food lately, mostly because they didn’t taste right anymore.

“I don’t want it.”

“Would it be better if I told you who made it?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin gave him a sharp look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said decisively. Chanyeol shrugged. “Fine. My sister made it especially for you when she heard about you on the news, but if you don’t want it…” Jongin nearly heaved a sigh of relief.

“Look, I appreciate the sentiment but it’s… quite unnecessary on the whole,” Jongin waved the soup away. Chanyeol looked at the soup for a beat, then looked at Jongin again.

“Have it,” Jongin rolled his eyes. Chanyeol began to slurp on it happily as he settled onto the couch. Jongin closed his eyes, just wishing Chanyeol would just go away already. He felt like settling down with some soothing red wine to sleep.

“So um, Jongin?” Chanyeol said between slurps.

“What,” Jongin moaned.

“What’s bugging you? I mean seriously. I don’t mean the booze, the state of your apartment, the crack you’ve been doing…” Chanyeol trailed off. Jongin sent him a half-hearted bitter smile. He didn’t want to talk about it, and he was plenty sure that Chanyeol wouldn’t be as enthusiastic about listening either if he really knew what was up.

When Jongin didn’t say anything, Chanyeol went on, “I mean if you don’t want to talk about it _why_ you’re doing this to yourself then it’s okay. I’m not going to force it out of you. But really, Jongin, there’s a fine line between having fun and just plain out self-destruction. Do you even know what happens when you do drugs _and_ drink at the same time?” Chanyeol asked, a little exasperation creeping into his voice.

“I do know. And I don’t care,” Jongin muttered, and he didn’t care that he sounded like a child.

“I can see,” Chanyeol said dryly.

“But okay, fine, let’s try this from another angle. Is someone bringing you the drugs?” Chanyeol asked. Even Jongin blinked in surprise at that.

“Of course someone gets it for me. It’s not like I order it online like a pair of shoes,” Jongin replied crossly. Chanyeol’s eyes shone, the way they always did when he was beginning to get his way in things. Jongin wasn’t even sure why they were talking about the drugs anyway. He only ever snorted a line a handful of times for the past two months.

“Right. And,” Chanyeol paused here, like he wasn’t sure how he was going to say it though it needed to be said, “is it… Kyungsoo? I mean, if I’m wrong I’m not implying—”

“Can we not talk about him?” Jongin had to look away so Chanyeol couldn’t see the rage in his eyes. He couldn’t believe, couldn’t fucking believe Chanyeol had the fucking nerve to talk about _him_ like this.

Chanyeol sounded surprised when he said, “Well, it’s only because he’s an outsider of sorts, and—”

“Look, Chanyeol, Sehun buys me my liquor, or Mr. Lee does when I run out of it at odd hours. Sehun does it because he knows there’d be hell to pay at the office if he didn’t, so it’s not his goddamned fault. The girls at Club Red will also give me any kind of crack I ask for, whether it’s heroine or ice or meth. So this has nothing to do with— with him at all, okay? And don’t ask me about all this crap anymore. It’s not like you care, or anyone fucking cares. All you people ever want is money,” Jongin said, voice cracking towards the end.

He slumped back onto the couch after that, all his energy sapping out of him like water rushing out of a dam. Chanyeol was silent for once, looking at him. Jongin wished he would stop. He didn’t like the feeling that everyone could see right through him.

“So you finally realized the girls at Club Red are only after your money?” Chanyeol said.

Despite himself, Jongin huffed a laugh. “I always knew. It’s just… I only ever need to hand over some cash or promise them a shopping trip with my credit card if I really wanted something. It’s all so… predictable. And— cheap, somehow.”

Jongin had never really understood that currency was _the_ currency, not till it was all he had. Any need could be satisfied with the right price, and yet Jongin still felt like a hollowed out can even though he had more than enough money to buy anything he could ever possibly want. He hated it, almost. Like getting what you wanted only at the very moment when you didn’t need it.

“Jongin,” Chanyeol sighed. He looked at him cautiously, then placed a hand on Jongin’s shoulder tentatively. When he was sure Jongin wouldn’t bite his hand off, he went on.

“I can’t tell if it’s the liquor talking right now, or if it’s… just you thinking out loud.”

“Trust me, it’s an awful combination of both,” Jongin laughed tiredly.

“Well, that’s alright. Because I’m still your friend. I don’t care how much you drink or how much white powder you snort up your nose. It’s just…” he looked at Jongin.

“You know we care, right? I mean maybe your employees don’t care. Or the board members. But I grew up with you man, and so did Suho and Sehun. We’re like… built in friends for life. You don’t just get to cut us out anymore,” Chanyeol chuckled.

“Anyway, before I get all sappy, what I really came here to say is that your dad’s heard about your… extracurricular activities,” Chanyeol’s tone soured as he said this. Jongin shared his sentiment about Mr. Kim Senior. It was of course, inevitable that Jongin would hear about it, but if Chanyeol had come all the way from Aspen to tell him then it was probably going to be really messy in a bit.

“Charming. He only cares when I’m doing something bad,” Jongin said.

“Hold your horses, Jongin. He’s not the only one who’s heard about everything you’ve been doing,” Chanyeol said. Jongin looked at him with a dreary look. Who hadn’t, honestly? It was all over the news, on news websites, blogs… Everyone had a say in the way Jongin was acting, as if they knew him and knew why he was acting out.

“Don’t tell me. The president?” Jongin drawled.

“Er, no. Possibly worse than that, depending on the way you look at it.”

Jongin stared at him in amazement. Did the president really care that much about Accuretta? “Who?” he demanded.

“It’s your older sister. She’s coming back tomorrow on a morning flight,” Chanyeol said with a grimace.

Jongin had to put his head down in his hands in case it dropped off. This truly was worse than the president giving Jongin advice. His sister, either one of them, wouldn’t just give him a lecture. It would be a lecture to end all lectures. There was a reason why Jongin was glad when his sisters moved out of the country.

“Which one?” Jongin asked in a small voice.

“The one from Japan,” Chanyeol replied. _Oh God_ , Jongin thought. Jungah, the younger one who was supposed to be swamped with work in trying to set up her fashion line in Japan and juggle motherhood at the same time. Jungah, who actually punched Jongin bloody once for setting off the sprinkler system on their yard by accident and ruined her Chanel jacket. As if this marvellous situation couldn’t get any better.

“Can you tell her to go back?” Jongin said in a quiet voice.

“She only told me she was coming after she packed and bought the ticket, so no chance in hell she’s gonna change her mind now,” Chanyeol informed him. “I just thought it best that you knew ahead, instead of Jungah just catching you off guard.”

Jongin made a garbled noise in his throat. His head was throbbing now. His father, he could deal. He could be rude, he could be snarky, he could talk his way out of it. With his sisters? Not a fucking chance.

“What is she coming back for anyway?” Jongin asked, out of desperation, “is she actually coming because of what she thinks she’s heard about me, or is it just like a short holiday where she’ll take a day to tell me off—”

“Um, actually, she’s planning an intervention,” Chanyeol scratched his head.

“ _What_?” Jongin all but shouted. Hell, this was almost like having both sisters come from different countries just to yell at him.

“An intervention. She’s thinking of getting everyone together into your office and y’know, shout at you,” Chanyeol said unhelpfully.

“I know what an intervention is, Chanyeol,” Jongin rolled his eyes, “the question is why? I don’t even need one, so it’s pointless for her to come down at all.” Chanyeol looked at him pointedly, then glanced around his apartment.

“Erm, yes, well, that’s still debatable,” he mumbled under his breath. Jongin stared daggers at him. He didn’t need warm up roasting session about all he’d done, especially from Chanyeol. Jungah was going to cook him and serve him to the crows, and fuck it all if Jongin wasn’t going to try and get out of it.

“If she won’t go away then I will,” Jongin said, knowing full well that his sister would hear about this.

“Jongin, I—” Chanyeol shook his head, like Jongin didn’t understand what was going on.

“What, what? That’s all everyone’s doing these days. Jongin this, Jongin that. If you have something to say, spit it out,” Jongin scowled.

“Okay, okay! Fine,” Chanyeol acceded, putting up his hands in mock surrender, “I just… I’m not sure how your sister is going to go about planning the intervention, but all I know is that I would be there, Jongin.”

That stopped him up short, and he had to look at Chanyeol right in the eye, just to make sure he wasn’t joking. He wasn’t, and it annoyed the hell out of Jongin.

“And why would you be there? As if you’ve never made some bad decisions in your life—”

“Yes, I have, but the difference is that it’s never come close to killing me. Jongin, _look at yourself_ ,” Chanyeol took him by the shoulders and rattled Jongin. The pounding in his head came right back with a vengeance from the motion of it, and Jongin struggled to free himself from Chanyeol’s grip.

“Christ— fuckin’ stop, Chanyeol,” he panted, trying to get Chanyeol to let go.

“No, Jongin, _you’re_ the one who needs to stop. I can’t just watch my friend drink himself to death even if it’s his choice. Jongin, you’re going to die at this rate, or make yourself really fucking sick—”

“Maybe that’s what I want!” Jongin shouted at his face.

“Maybe it’s all I’ve been looking forward to for these past few months. Maybe I _welcome_ the abyss to swallow me up because I have nothing left to lose, Chanyeol. And it never seems to occur to any of you that it’s my choice. _Mine_.

“It’s always, ‘Jongin, you’re _my_ friend, you’re _my_ brother, you’re _my_ boss.’ What about what _I_ want? What about how I feel?” Jongin demanded, “You say that you care, but for what? You only care about what I bring to the table, and not who I am. You wouldn’t even be friends with me if I wasn’t my father’s son and we both know it,” he finally spat.

Chanyeol had released Jongin at some point. Jongin was breathing heavily, his vision going fuzzy, but he kept his eyes trained on Chanyeol.

He wanted Chanyeol out of his apartment, far from his sight, he wanted everyone to give him space before he started screaming like a toddler having a tantrum.

“Get out,” Jongin breathed, barely audible in the thick silence.

Chanyeol left, with all his things. It was supposed to make Jongin feel relieved.

He only felt a lurching in his stomach, and the contents of it coming out from his mouth seconds later in the bathroom.

*

It was typical of Sehun to try and control the situation, and Jongin should’ve known.

He had tried to book a flight out of the country last night on the pretence that it was for official business overseas. Jongin never realized how tricky it was to book a flight online with the company card, and in the end Sehun found out about it because he received notifications on his e-mail and mobile, for whatever reason.

Sehun cancelled the flight booking, and made Mr. Lee go all the way up to Jongin’s apartment to drag him into the office the next day. Jongin didn’t even bother trying to scream or fight him along the way. Just showered, shaved, put on the best suit he could find in his closet and went off in his car as per usual.

He’d been too slack with minor details, and now Sehun had all the cards in his hands. Jongin had no choice but to play it all out on Sehun’s conditions.

Meeting his sister made Jongin all antsy and shivery throughout the entire morning in the office. He kept sipping at whiskey at intervals, the only thing strong enough to make him feel pleasantly light-headed, like he was floating. It’d get him through Jungah later on, without the unnecessary emotional roller coaster ride he knew he was bound to come his way. He hadn’t seen her in a long time; the last time was when she’d given birth, and Jongin couldn’t even remember when that had happened.

 _Shit_ , Jongin thought when he noticed his glass shaking in his hand. It wasn’t a good sign; he didn’t want to look any shittier than he already felt in case it made Jungah all the more determined about getting him help. He took a deep breath, setting down the glass on some papers.

Jongin tried to breathe, to calm himself down.

He tried to remember what it was like to feel normal. What it felt like to not have his hands shaking. That felt like a hundred lifetimes ago to Jongin now, from another era in a different life. Jongin no longer remembered what it was like to be sober without also feeling completely miserable inside. He needed a drink, he always did, but this wasn’t the right time.

 _It’s never the right time_ , Jongin thought.

Jongin picked up the phone and called Sehun to tell him to send some work in. Anything, a petty customer’s complaints, shipments not coming in on time… He needed something to distract him from drinking, thanks to his impending meeting with his sister. He didn’t want to say that he was addicted, but he did need a drink to keep him from feeling like something less than human. 

“You sure?” Sehun asked, which was the most concern Jongin had heard from Sehun since he started drinking heavily.

“Yes,” Jongin tried not to sound snappish. He wasn’t pissed at anyone or anything. He just wanted something to distract him from the itch in his throat and the nauseous feeling chewing on his insides incessantly like a parasite. Though how he was going to read countless lines of tiny words, he didn’t know. His vision kept swimming, and he was constantly having to blink to clear it away.

Twelve o’ clock soon came and went by. Sehun sent him some paperwork to look over, but Jongin kept rereading the same lines. He couldn’t focus somehow, which was strange.

Even drunk, he always could make some sense out of reports but his nerves were probably getting the best of him. He struggled to finish up whatever work Sehun sent him, and in turn, Sehun kept him in his office by obliging him (even if signature was more straggly than usual and the scribble of his notes didn’t make any sense).

Jongin wasn’t sure what was up, but he knew that he had to get himself together before Jungah came, possibly with his entire family in tow alongside his friends. He was an alcoholic, yes, but he didn’t need help. He _could_ stop, it was just that he didn’t want to.

His phone rang when he was on his third report, checking up on the company’s performance. Jongin answered, and it was Sehun.

“Jongin? Your um, sister is here,” Sehun said. At the same time, Jongin thought he could hear a squeal outside. He was probably imagining hearing things now, so he just replied, “Yeah, send her in.”

They hung up, and it all sank in on Jongin.

He let his fountain pen drop with a thud onto his desk, rubbing at his face. There were no mirrors around, so Jongin hoped he looked okay. He had to if his entire family was going to have a showdown with him and try to send him off to rehab. Jongin’s hands weren’t shaking anymore, though he felt just a tiny bit shivering in his body. It came and went so with luck, no one might actually notice that.

The door slid open not a moment too soon. Except instead of a group of people storming in— which was what Jongin had been expecting— a little girl ran in, wearing a poofy, sparkling blue dress and matching shoes. She had a wand and tiara crown on her head, and was skipping away into the office like it was Disneyland in here.

“Rahee! Stop running around,” a feminine voice called sternly, and Jongin’s heart dropped in his stomach.

Jungah came through the door in a pastel pink coat and worn ankle boots, her dark hair hanging nearly to her waist. She had put on weight the last time Jongin had seen her, but in a good way. She looked flushed, with a healthy glow to her that Jongin had never seen before on her. It made Jongin’s heart clench, even though he’d been dreading this since last night.

Jungah looked up at Jongin as he stood up from his seat. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly upon spotting him. Some things just never changed, like family.

“You look terrible,” she decided, after a moment of contemplation. Rahee, who must be the toddler, was now running in circles around the office.

“And you look… healthy, noona,” Jongin replied. He meant it. The door slid shut behind Jungah as he motioned at Rahee for her to come to her side. Rahee complied, squealing in a high-pitched voice as she ran over and crashed into Jungah’s knees on purpose.

“Rahee, what did I tell you about running?” Jungah said to Rahee, frowning comically.

“No more running,” Rahee replied cheerfully.

“Exactly. Don’t you want to meet your uncle anyway?” Jungah asked, sending Jongin a warning look. She needn’t have bothered; Jongin wasn’t terrible with kids, but if this one was Jungah’s daughter, he was sure she’d be fine. It took a lot a lot to make Jungah cry when she was younger, and he had a feeling Rahee was the same.

“Rahee?” Jongin moved to step closer to her. Rahee turned to face him. She had his sister’s resemblance in a way, like a light layer across her baby face. She waddled over to him, reaching to just around his knees. Her dress, her sparkly shoes and the wand in her hand… Rahee was nothing short of amazing.

“Uncle?” she chirruped.

“I’m your uncle, yeah. How old are you?” Jongin asked, getting onto one knee to meet her eye to eye.

“5 years old,” she held out her hand at him. Jongin smiled, his heart warming over a little. He let her hold his finger, running a finger across her cheek. Her skin was soft, like Kyungsoo’s. Jongin jerked his hand away as soon as that thought came to him, and Rahee glanced up at him.

“Uncle, you look sick,” Rahee said, in that plaintive tone only children could pull off.

“I am,” Jongin admitted, “I feel tired.”

“When mummy gets tired, I give her a hug,” Rahee smiled widely at Jongin. She shook his finger wildly as if to make a point, and he laughed. 

“That’s nice of you. You must be a good girl then,” he answered.

“I am! Uncle, do you want a hug?” she asked curiously. Jongin looked at Jungah, who shrugged back at him.

“Um, sure—” Jongin nearly fell over as Rahee tackled him into a bear hug, legs and everything clinging to him like a monkey. “Huggy huggy,” she giggled in his ear. Jongin patted her back awkwardly first, then hugged her back after a beat. She smelled like baby powder and strawberry shampoo.

“She’s a friendly girl,” Jungah said to Jongin.

“You don’t say,” Jongin replied. He picked Rahee up into his arms, who clung to his neck. She seemed content to lay her head on Jongin’s shoulder, so he sat back down on his seat and invited Jungah to take a seat too.

“This place still looks like Dad owns it,” Jungah said in mild distaste as she dropped into her seat. “How are you warming up to it?”

“Warming up fine, I guess,” Jongin said. Rahee twisted in his hold, and moved to sit on one knee. She put her wand down on the desk gently, and began to reach for Jongin’s pen. The minute she had it in her grip, Rahee started to draw all over Jongin’s papers. Jungah looked alarmed.

“Rahee—”

“No, it’s fine,” Jongin laughed, “Sehun can print more copies later.” He should’ve known that Rahee would come along with Jungah. If he knew he’d be this enchanted with her, he would’ve brought her ridiculously expensive gifts like a toy car or clothes.

“Don’t say I didn’t try to stop her,” Jungah replied, still watching her daughter scribble all over Jongin’s papers.

“How long will you be here?” Jongin asked.

“Three days!” Rahee answered.

“Oh. And where are you both going to stay?” Jongin looked at Rahee. “Mummy says I’m going to stay at grandpapa’s house. There’s a big pool, big rooms, a big garden…” Rahee rattled off into gibberish only children could understand. Jongin patted her head.

“Chanyeol told me why you were coming,” Jongin said, looking up at his sister.

“Of course he would,” she snorted, “I wouldn’t have told him if I could avoid it, but I lost Suho’s number and Chanyeol was the only one I could reach here besides mom and dad. I knew he was probably going to spill the beans to you, but I needed someone to arrange some things for me…

“Speaking of hearing things, I heard about your little stunt too, trying to get a flight out of the country. What exactly are you running from, Jongin?” she said with a sly smile.

“From you, of course,” Jongin replied with an equally sly smile, “Chanyeol’s already tried talking to me. So has Sehun and Suho. Nothing’s going to change just because you came all the way from Japan just to have a chat with me.”

“Maybe. Still made you panic though,” she lifted an eyebrow at him.

Jongin wondered briefly if this was how Rahee would flirt with guys when she grew up. He felt an unexpected sense of protectiveness over his niece whom he’d only met three minutes ago. She was undeniably sweet, in a way that children could only ever manage. Rahee made him feel like shit about himself and also made his problems seem a little less smaller.

“Hah. You can’t say that I had no reason not to. I grew up with you, noona. I know how you can be when you want your way,” Jongin adjusted Rahee’s tiara on her head.

“Uncle, don’t mess up my hair,” Rahee said, swatting at his hand.

“I won’t. Your crown was a little lopsided,” Jongin informed her. Then he wondered if she even understood what he was saying. She went on drawing, so Jongin returned his attention to Jungah.

“Jongin,” Jungah pursed her lips.

“Noona.”

“Dad tried to send me here. I told him I wouldn’t come because he asked me to, but I’m here anyway because I heard about all the stuff that’s been happening from Chanyeol, and not from the news. It’s appalling, some of the things you’ve done,” Jungah shook her head.

“Chanyeol wasn’t even around for most of it,” Jongin muttered. Chanyeol just _had_ to blow his mouth on everything.

“And to top it off, you won’t get help. Even though you clearly need it. You won’t even tell us about why you’re doing this to yourself,” Jungah said as if Jongin hadn’t spoken, sounding disgusted with him. Oh, how he missed being berated to a status somewhere above a slimy toad and below a wet noodle.

“Why’s everyone so concerned about _why_?” Jongin muttered, trying not to sound too irritated in case Rahee could sense it. He didn’t want her crying or anything like that; that way, Jongin would probably never see her again.

“If you don’t accept help, the least you could do is tell us why you’re trying to… do this to yourself,” Jungah said in a low voice.

“It’s my business what I do,” Jongin muttered back. Rahee had now lost interest in drawing all over Jongin’s things, and was reaching for anything she could pick up with her chubby, small hands. She was about to take Jongin’s glass of forgotten whiskey when he noticed just in time to snatch it away.

“Uncle, what’s that?” she asked, trying to take it from him.

“A-An adult drink. It’s not good for kids,” Jongin cautioned her, to which Jungah rolled her eyes. He stuck his tongue out at her.

“It’s not good for adults either,” Jungah said lightly, pretending to touch her own hair delicately. Jongin bit back on a scathing comment that wouldn’t be appropriate for Rahee’s ears. He began to bounce her on his lap gently to distract her from reaching anything else. And since he couldn’t put down his drink, Jongin had no choice but to swallow the remainders of it in his cup, hoping Jungah wouldn’t say anything. The whiskey was a welcome burn to the insistent throbbing of his head.

“Tsk, could you hold back for a second here?” Jungah tutted, glaring at him.

“What? Where else was I gonna put it?” Jongin argued.

“I don’t know, in the bin? Seems like a pretty good place for it to be,” she said pointedly. “In the bin!” Rahee chorused, giggling and clapping her hands.

Jongin scowled at the back of head, but she was still cute. She let him play with her ponytail while Jungah continued to speak, “Is it the company?” She blinked at him.

“No,” Jongin shook his head, knowing exactly what she meant.

“Then what? Have you been involved in something illegal, something terrible?” Jungah continued. Jongin huffed a laugh. “You could say that.” It got her all anxious at once, of course, for all the wrong reasons.

“What? Oh God, did you embezzle the company profits or something for all those hookers? Jesus, _Jongin_ ,” Jungah sat up in her seat. Her eyes were wide as she contemplated that thought.

“No,” Jongin shook his head.

“Then what?” Jungah pleaded. She leaned forward, putting both hands on the desk. “Mom and dad are worried sick. Your friends practically begged me to come down to talk some sense into you. I had to drag Rahee out of school for the next three days just to see you, Jongin, give me _something_. Let me help you, Jongin,” Jungah’s voice dropped to a whisper. 

Rahee seemed to sense the change in the atmosphere and stopped fidgeting on Jongin’s lap. She fiddled with her wand quietly.

“I’m upset,” Jongin said, after a minute.

“Clearly,” Jungah snorted. Jongin cut in before she could say anything else, “about somebody.”

Jungah froze at that. She ceased to move, like time had stopped ticking seconds. He could practically see her brain going into overdrive as she processed it in stages; first, it was a choked noise of shock. Then it was a silent gasp of disbelief, and finally, understanding. It lit up in her face like a lightbulb.

“You’re _… in love_? With somebody?” she choked.

Jongin frowned. “You make it sound like it’s impossible with me.” Jungah laughed out loud, more out of disbelief and amazement than anything else.

“Of course it is. I mean, they told me, but like,” she scoffed, and leaned her head on one hand like she couldn’t quite believe Jongin’s admission. It was Jongin’s turn to look bewildered.

“Who told you what?” he asked.

“I-I mean your friends, they thought you might be broken hearted over somebody. But they didn’t think it was likely since you’re not seeing anybody… unless you were, after all,” Jungah narrowed her eyes.

“I was,” Jongin nodded, “and you can’t tell them, noona. Please just,” he shook his head. He only told her about it because she had come all the way from Japan. It was partly because she was letting him hold Rahee too, but he’d never tell her that. He knew her too well, and she’d probably use that particular piece of info to hold it against him.

“I won’t,” Jungah promised, though she was smiling.

“What? Why are you smiling?” Jongin asked suspiciously.

“Nothing. You… I honestly didn’t come here prepared for that. I was waiting for you to say something like you’d murdered someone, or maybe you had some type of STD, or even got a girl pregnant. And it turns out to be something so _simple_.” Jungah broke out into another laugh, and this time it sounded like she was genuinely amused with the entire thing.

Jongin was starting to lose his patience with Jungah. His headaches were returning too, little hammers knocking in his skull. It was worse than yesterday; he knew they were probably symptoms of withdrawal. Jongin was going to have to get himself some aspirin or a drink, and only one of those were available to him right now.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jungah asked. Jongin ignored her, blinking rapidly. Black spots were beginning to appear in his vision. Those were definitely new.

“Jongin, you don’t look so good…” Jungah sounded concerned.

He didn’t answer her. “Rahee, do you wanna see the view?” Jongin asked instead, as he picked the toddler up. She wasn’t light, and the pressure from lifting her up with his arms made Jongin’s headache worse. He placed her down as quickly as he could without rousing suspicion from Jungah, and winced when Rahee started to squeal.

“Mummy, is that a Toys R Us truck?” she asked, running over to the glass wall. Jungah got up at once to follow Rahee.

Jongin stumbled quickly to his feet. Was it normal to feel like he had no legs? Jongin had to steady himself by grabbing the desk, knuckles going white as he clenched his nails into his palm, just to feel the pain.

It brought him out of his haze a little, but the throbbing in his head was so loud, he could hear it like a heartbeat in his ears. The spots grew around his field of vision, like an insidious black cloud trying to blind him. Jongin took a step forward, unable to remember what he was supposed to do in the first place. All he knew was that he had to move or walk or something, then maybe he’d remember—

Jongin gasped once, lightly. The air choked in his throat as a blot of pain suddenly spread across the back of his head like a stain.

It was like everything went into slow motion as he dropped to his knees, the black spots steadily taking over his vision. He could feel the carpet on his slowly numbing face, and hear the faint calls of his name. There was something oddly comforting about the fuzziness in his head.

The last thing Jongin thought of was Kyungsoo, sleeping peacefully in his arms as the morning light washed over his rosy skin. Jongin let the darkness swallow him whole.

 


	25. funny you're the broken one when I'm the only one who needed saving

It hurt, physically and mentally, to think that they would never be together again. To think of losing that connection they had when they were together, and to never have another connection quite like that again.

Kyungsoo should've known that they would break up sometime or other. He should’ve known it was a very real possibility, and treated it as such.

It was inevitable, the way things had unfolded when the economy broke down. Before that, Jongin was still himself. And he was so very hopeful. He promised Kyungsoo so many things, and like the fool he was in love, Kyungsoo believed him. Maybe if things were a little different, those promises might’ve been kept. Jongin would try his hardest, Kyungsoo knew. He had a gentile, sincere soul underneath his cool exterior.

But that chance never came for the both of them. Jongin became withdrawn after the economy went south. He came home late. He ate less, drank more and slept little.

And Kyungsoo understood. He gave Jongin the benefit of a doubt; it must’ve been unintentional. He was of course, understandably busy with the company. So many people were depending on him, his father expected so much from him… He could not be Jongin’s first priority all the time.

Kyungsoo could explain away everything.  He could explain it all, except the feeling that things were falling apart, and there was nothing he could do to save it even though he wanted to. He was in love, but it would never be enough.

Somewhere deep in his heart, Kyungsoo knew things would eventually end this way. All good things came to an end, and their time had come.

 _Fuck_ , Kyungsoo thought with feeling.

Kyungsoo sat up in bed. He’d been lying among his collection of photos for some time now.  They were all over the place; pictures of nothing but Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. Some of the pictures were of them together in happier times. He had thought that after two months, it was time to finally face his worst fear; all his memories.

Kyungsoo never knew it could hurt like this, of course. It was like reliving all his pain, his heartbreak, whatever this was, felt like he was tearing something up in his soul, something that would never be the same again. There was a rift in him, this feeling of being apart that would always be there for as long as he wasn’t with Jongin, and he knew it.

He wished he’d taken up Luhan’s offer on helping him to burn all of this up. What good did it do, except to remind of what he could never really have?

Except he didn’t think he’d really be able to go through with it. Kyungsoo couldn't bear the way he was feeling now. It was such a steep price, far too high for Kyungsoo, for the brief happiness of being in Jongin's arms and being in love with him.

Kyungsoo scrubbed away at the tears lingering in his eyes. He’d cried so much the past— hour, he noted, looking up at the clock— that he felt thirsty. And tired. Luhan would murder him if he knew he’d been crying and if he’d gotten himself sick. He needed to get back in one piece before Luhan came home from work.

Hastily, he got out of bed and picked up all his photos from the floor, and off the bed. He’d kept them in neat rows in large plastic containers, but now he swept them into their containers, not caring that he’d damage them.

Kyungsoo would deal with this later, at another date, when he was stronger. Within minutes, the source of his misery was now shoved into the back of his closet. His room was cleared of anything Jongin.

Luhan had been very kind in letting Kyungsoo stay in his apartment. He didn’t think Jongin knew, but Luhan had been given a raise in his salary and a new position when Jongin had to fire a whole bunch of people to cut back on costs. Apparently, the previous supervisor in the accounting department had been harassing women in the office, so Luhan was presented with the job offer once the other guy was fired. Luhan had all but welcomed Kyungsoo to stay in his new three-bedroom apartment, overlooking the Han river.

“It’s lonely here,” Luhan had pouted, “and I’m afraid of ghosts.”

Kyungsoo relented only after a moment’s hesitation. Luhan had found him his job, after all, and insisted that the only payment he would take was Kyungsoo’s company. 

It wasn’t really a job with a fixed payment, as Kyungsoo would’ve preferred. Luhan had had a friend through another friend who needed a photographer desperately, but without the exorbitant rates that studio photographers usually charged.

Luhan set him up with the guy, who turned to be the owner of a new bakery in downtown Seoul. He’d needed some good pictures to hang up on the wall of the bakery and things like that, so Kyungsoo agreed. There was nothing else on offer anyway, so he snapped some pictures and helped with the printing, to make sure everything came out great.

Luckily for him, it worked out pretty good, and now, Luhan’s other friend, Taemin, was trying to find more clients for Kyungsoo.

Taemin’s nice, Kyungsoo mused idly as he went to the kitchen. He was in charge of cooking as per usual, and drank a glass of water before he moved to the fridge to see what he could make for dinner. It gave him something to do, unlike the first two weeks when he moved in and did nothing but weep into his pillow, barely resisting the urge to swallow all of Luhan’s sleeping pills in the bathroom. Thinking about someone other than himself and his emotions gave Kyungsoo a temporary sense of purpose.

The phone rang before he managed to open the fridge. Kyungsoo sighed, and went to get it.

“Hello?”

“Kyungsoo! Luhan here,” Luhan said cheerfully down the line. He always made the effort to sound overly happy, like he was hoping it’d infect Kyungsoo.

“You’re the only one who ever calls,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, it could be the postman. Sometimes they call,” Luhan retorted, but good-naturedly.

“Whatever. I’m trying to make dinner,” Kyungsoo said, careful not to sniffle. He didn’t want Luhan to know that he was fragile alone on most days, and cried a lot. He mostly slept too, if there wasn’t anything else for him to do.

“Oh, well, in that case, I want steamed chicken with ginseng. And I don’t know if I mentioned it yesterday, but Taemin’s coming over tonight,” Luhan chirped.

Kyungsoo just lifted an eyebrow. “Okay. That’s all?” he asked.

“Yep. Unless you don’t mind making dessert, in which case I think I’ll have caramel pudding—”

“Goodbye,” Kyungsoo scowled. Luhan said goodbye, and they hung up. Kyungsoo had all but forgotten the way Luhan always made strange demands for lunch and dinner. It was, Kyungsoo thought wistfully, far different from when he lived with Jongin. He was fine with whatever on most days, which made Kyungsoo’s life a lot easier.

Kyungsoo made his way back to the kitchen. If Taemin was coming over, he was going to have to make more rice than usual. He ate like an ox and never seemed to gain any weight. He snorted to himself at the thought.

Taemin was wonderful, actually. He was bright and distracted Kyungsoo with terrible jokes whenever he was around. He’d help out in the kitchen on the weekends when he came over, watched TV and danced along to girl group songs to make everyone laugh. He’d eat all the leftovers in the fridge that no one else wanted to touch. He was a lovely person, truly, but there was something about him, something about his beauty that reminded Kyungsoo too much of Jongin.

It was in the edge of his shy smile, the warmth of his laughter. He even dressed similarly to Jongin; in immaculate shirts, smart slacks, good shoes, though Kyungsoo had learned the difference between them was that Taemin dressed the way he did because he liked to, while Jongin only did it out of necessity.

Taemin was _nice_ , but he was like a shadowed version of Jongin. One that had nearly all of his best traits, but still somehow could not measure up to the man himself.

It was disturbing for Kyungsoo to be with him, and he couldn’t tell if he was imagining it, or if Taemin was just someone God sent to Kyungsoo to mess with him. Try as he might though, Taemin was unshakeable. Kyungsoo tried being rude, moody and even ignored him once throughout an entire day of games and drinking (one of Luhan’s many attempts to cheer him up).

He couldn’t take it, hearing his laughter and watching his mouth curl into a smile that looked exactly like Jongin’s. But Taemin just shook it off like it was nothing, and went right back at trying to be friends with Kyungsoo.

“I think he’s trying to hit on you,” Luhan had said plainly once.

“I know,” Kyungsoo had replied, rolling his eyes. He was heartbroken, not blind to flirtatious advances. 

“And you’re not interested?” Luhan had asked in return.

“He looks too much like him,” Kyungsoo had muttered back under his breath, and he didn’t need to mention a name. Luhan could see the superficial similarities on the surface, but he didn’t know Jongin the way Kyungsoo did. And Kyungsoo wasn’t about to rebound back into the dating game with the first person who looked and acted like Jongin. It sounded morally wrong, and the thought of dating anyone at all nauseated him anyway.

Taemin on the other hand, had no idea about Jongin, of course. All Luhan told Taemin (at Kyungsoo’s request) was that Kyungsoo had gone through a terrible breakup with his ex— which was true— and that he was single, but not exactly available.

It didn’t stop Taemin from trying though. One of these days, Kyungsoo would have to let him down and tell him that he wanted nothing more but friendship.

Kyungsoo wondered why Taemin was coming over tonight, on a weekday. He was working as a photographer himself at Blanc and Eclare, a fashion company owned by the fabulous Jessica Jung. (Kyungsoo only knew the company because she’d sent Jongin a gift once. She’d sent sunglasses that Jongin only wore once for appearances, and it sat in his closet untouched after that.)

His job meant that he was relatively free unless there was a new collection to be released, which would take up all of Taemin’s time on weekdays and sometimes his weekend too. But he never failed to show up on Sunday nights at the very least, for a drink and a chat. Maybe he had something important to tell them that could not wait.

It was possibly a job offer for Kyungsoo. He came over each and every week since Kyungsoo moved in with a proposition; usually they were odd jobs for Taemin’s friends or previous clients, taking photos for people who had originally asked for Taemin’s service, but was willing to settle for someone Taemin recommended.

Kyungsoo didn’t even understand where Taemin’s confidence in him came from; he suspected it was Taemin’s way of trying to hit on him, but Kyungsoo really wasn’t interested, not in that way.

He would never be able to stop comparing him to Jongin in every way, and that wasn’t something he could ever do to a person. 

-

At seven on the dot, Luhan came home with Taemin in tow. The ginseng chicken was boiling away merrily, and Kyungsoo was just setting the table.

“Hey Kyungsoo!” Taemin called loudly from the door. He and Luhan kicked off their shoes to come in. Taemin was less subtle and scampered over to help Kyungsoo at once, leaving Luhan to scowl at him. He was wearing a cape thingy, with long slits at the front for his arms to move about. It looked very high fashion and expensive; no doubt his job paid him well.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo replied. He gestured at the rice cooker. “You’re in charge of the rice today,” he said to Taemin with a smile. Taemin’s eyes gleamed.

“Well, don’t I feel important?” he said, picking up the rice scoop. 

“You should,” Kyungsoo agreed, “it’s a big task. I don’t even let Luhan near the rice cooker because he always makes such a big mess.” Taemin laughed easily, just as he always did with any joke. He was light and effortless, like cotton candy.

“That’s because rice gets everywhere! It’s not my fault,” Luhan yelled from the bedroom. He was probably changing into something more comfortable than his office wear. Taemin begun scooping warm rice into bowls, while Kyungsoo went to serve the ginseng chicken. The place felt less oppressive now that Kyungsoo wasn’t alone.

“No one messes up rice except you, Luhan,” Kyungsoo retorted calmly. He heard a derisive snort. Once the claypot of chicken was on the table, Kyungsoo turned to Taemin, who was on the last bowl of rice.

“Um, do you want me to get your coat for you?” Kyungsoo asked uncertainly. It couldn’t be too comfortable wearing it while trying to scoop rice into the bowls. Taemin turned to look at Kyungsoo.

“What? No, it’s fine, I’ll take it off later. Here, the rice is done,” Taemin replied, finally shutting the lid firmly and picking up two bowls. Kyungsoo grabbed the third one and they both brought it to the table. It was simple work, and Kyungsoo liked it when things were like this with Taemin. No talk about future opportunities, no hidden expectations.

He wished, not for the first time, for Taemin to look less like Jongin. It was unfair to him, of course, but Kyungsoo just couldn’t shake it.

How the hell was it possible to meet two people who looked so much like each other in such a short span of time? Just as soon as Kyungsoo thought he’d never _see_ Jongin again, here came along someone whose only glaring difference from Jongin was the colour of his skin; a rosy, fair hue. Under Luhan’s fancy orangey lights in the kitchen, Taemin looked like he was glowing inwardly, like a lantern.

Taemin suddenly glanced up, catching Kyungsoo staring at his face. Kyungsoo blushed, and looked away, pretending to ponder on where to sit at the table. Taemin grinned in his peripheral vision.

“Is dinner ready yet? Oh yes, you’re a gem, Kyungsoo,” Luhan clasped his hands together with glee as he stepped out of his bedroom in a faded shirt and pyjama bottoms. Kyungsoo decided to sit at the spot nearest to his reach, and eased into the seat. Meanwhile, Taemin disappeared briefly to take his cape/coat off, while Luhan sat down and sent Kyungsoo a wry look.

“What?” Kyungsoo said, voice low.

Luhan had the smuggest smile on his face that Kyungsoo wanted to wipe off his face with a washcloth. “He’s got big news today,” was all Luhan would say. Kyungsoo furrowed his brows, but there was nothing else he could say. Taemin was already ambling back towards the table and sat down next to Kyungsoo.

“Alright?” Kyungsoo nodded at Taemin.

“Yep,” he nodded. “Let’s dig in,” Kyungsoo said, picking up his chopsticks. He looked down at his right hand, pressing down a sudden frisson of anxiety and the following disappointment at his unadorned fingers.

He’d given his ring to Luhan to pass on to Jongin in the first few days of moving out of his apartment. Kyungsoo couldn’t bear to wear it anymore, not when Jongin was all that was on his mind. It didn’t make him feel any better though, because Kyungsoo still frowned when he noticed there was no ring on his finger, only to realize he’d probably never get it back.

Dinner was relatively uneventful, except for when Luhan was talking animatedly about something that happened in the office and he dropped his piece of chicken onto his lap. Kyungsoo chortled on his rice, nearly choking himself to death as he laughed. Taemin too, went red in the face with trying not to spit his food out. Luhan’s table manners were atrocious.

It was only towards the end when Kyungsoo brought out the sliced apples from the fridge— of course he didn’t make caramel pudding; Luhan was as ridiculous as he was callous at the dining table— when Taemin finally came out with what he wanted to say.

“That was one of the best homecooked dinners I’ve ever had, Soo,” Taemin said first, stretching his arms out in front of him like a cat in contentment.

“It’s no problem,” Kyungsoo murmured. He and Taemin were the same age; another reason why Luhan thought Taemin was the best rebound ever.

“But I didn’t just y’know, come to freeload off your cooking skills today,” Taemin laughed, a little nervously.

“You mean this is unusual for you?” Luhan asked, widening his eyes in mock surprise. Taemin narrowed his eyes and kicked Luhan’s shins under the table to shut him up.

“ _No_. And anyway, it was important,” Taemin said, touching his hair and petting it down even though there was no need for it. Kyungsoo looked at him, “What’s it about?” He munched on the apple, savouring in its sweet juice.

“Um,” Taemin bit his lip. The silver stud in his ear glinted with light as he seemed to think about it; _he looks like a wild version of Jongin_ , Kyungsoo thought. If Jongin was more of a street boy, this was probably how he’d look like. Taemin chewed his lower lip a little more before he seemed to shake himself and said, “Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo blinked. Luhan had a stupid smile on his face now as he nibbled on some apple.

“I— I’m not trying to force you into anything, but I’m kinda hoping that you’ll take me up on this offer. I mean you are one of the greatest photographers I’ve ever seen, y’know, you just have this way about finding the right light for just about anything—”

“Enough with the Kyungsoo fest, let’s get on with it,” Luhan interrupted. Kyungsoo pretended to look irritated at him, but inside, he was thankful. Taemin was starting to make him blush.

“R-Right. Um. Okay, so there used be this photographer at Blanc & Eclare. His work is pretty good, in all honesty, but he’s gotten himself into some trouble lately with the cops. He’s been trafficking drugs I think, in his free time, which basically leaves his position open…”

Kyungsoo widened his eyes. “W-wait, you’re not…?”

Taemin immediately grabbed at Kyungsoo’s free hand as if he was afraid Kyungsoo would run away. “Yes, yes I am. He was the head photographer, so he usually meets with Jessica to discuss concepts and then he comes up with ideas for her online campaigns and everything. It’s a really cool job, and I know you’d be a perfect fit, Soo—”

“Why don’t you do it instead?” Kyungsoo asked, trying not to sound defensive. If it was so great, then Taemin would love it. Kyungsoo _was_ looking for a job, but… not like this. He didn’t know Blanc  & Eclare, not the way Taemin would obviously know it and Kyungsoo didn’t have a single idea about the fashion industry.

Taking photos as a hobby was one thing— but taking photos for a world famous company was a whole other matter entirely.

Taemin looked disappointed, but also like he knew this was how Kyungsoo would react. “C’mon, Kyungsoo… It’s gonna pay well,” he pleaded. Kyungsoo shook his head slowly. He couldn’t wrap his head around the thought of working in such a foreign environment (and also the way Taemin’s hands were warm and smooth on his).

“At least think about it,” Taemin pleaded once more.

“You don’t even have to bring a resume or go through an interview. Jessica trusts me to help her look for someone really good and… you’re good, Kyungsoo. I really think you’d flourish under this job,” Taemin said, more gently this time. Kyungsoo glanced at Luhan for help; he was devouring the apple slices, ignoring the both of them. Kyungsoo tried to smile at Taemin.

“I… I’m really um, flattered that you think I can do this, Taemin. It’s just that I’ve never been in this kind of industry before and I’m really not all that sure that I’m cut out for it.”

“But you’ll think about it?” Taemin finished for him. He wore a silver ring on his left thumb, and the cold steel rubbed over Kyungsoo’s wrist. In a brief flash of distraction, Kyungsoo wondered if Taemin was actually seeing someone after all, and he was just genuinely trying to help Kyungsoo out.

“I will,” Kyungsoo replied, and this time his smile felt more sincere. Taemin grinned back. Kyungsoo removed his hand from Taemin’s grasp and returned his attention to the apples.

“I kinda think you should take it though,” Luhan finally said, mouth full of apple bits.

Kyungsoo sent him a glare. “I’ll think about it. There’s no rush, right?” he asked Taemin.

“Well, it’d be great if you could give me an answer in around three days or so. That’ll leave me enough to ask around for someone else if you decide not to take the job,” Taemin replied, still hopeful.

“If I did take the job, wouldn’t that mean I have to see you every day?” Kyungsoo asked, “you’d be sick of me within a week,” he laughed, picking up a new slice of apple and shoving it into his mouth.

Taemin laughed, but he didn’t answer. Luhan cocked an eyebrow in Kyungsoo’s direction. Kyungsoo pointedly decided to ignore him for the rest of the night.

“Anyway, was that all you wanted to say?” Kyungsoo asked Taemin, when he didn’t say anything more. He stopped for a moment hesitantly. A shadow seemed to cross Taemin’s face. It looked like there was something else, something more that was on his mind. Luhan jumped in his seat before Taemin could answer.

“Shit, I just remembered we have beer! I’ll get them,” he said excitedly, practically sprinting off.

Kyungsoo frowned at Luhan, then turned back to Taemin.

“Sorry, you were about to say something?” he said. But the look on Taemin’s face was gone, and he was already shaking his head.

“Nah, it can wait,” he smiled. Kyungsoo hoped the feeling in his gut was wrong.

-

Luhan was changing into his clothes when Kyungsoo knocked on his door and walked right in. Luhan squawked indignantly, covering himself up hurriedly with his blazer. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes; as if he’d never seen Luhan naked before.

“Jesus, you’re supposed to wait when you knock,” Luhan exclaimed. Kyungsoo just sat at the edge of Luhan’s bed, the only spot he was allowed to sit on.

“You knew what Taemin wanted to say last night, didn’t you?” Kyungsoo accused. Taemin had stayed till 2AM, drinking beer with Luhan and snacking on crisps the entire time. Then they sang on the karaoke machine in Luhan’s living room so loudly, the neighbour downstairs came up to their apartment and banged on their door.

Kyungsoo answered the door, and was told off by the middle aged man even though he wasn’t the one singing in a high pitched voice to Gee. Reluctantly, they tuned it down so they wouldn’t get evicted, but by then Taemin was so red in the face from drinking that he decided to call it a night.

He drunkenly told Kyungsoo to call him about the job and if he needed anything, “Hotline my bling. Or bling my hotline, whichever is the right one,” he’d slurred, eyes sliding shut even as he put on his cape. Kyungsoo had to follow him downstairs to call him a cab, which gave him the worst case of déjà vu when he packed Taemin into the vehicle.

It wasn’t every day that Kyungsoo could relieve one of the most memorable nights of his life, but he figured that was just his kind of luck.

“I did _not_ ,” Luhan retorted haughtily. There was no sign that he’d stayed up late at night except for a slight puffiness around his eyes; Kyungsoo had always been jealous of how Luhan managed to look put together all the time.

“Yes, you did. He wouldn’t have come on a Wednesday night just to tell me he had a job offer,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Hey, it was a really good job offer, which I still think you should take… You can’t mope around forever about Jongin, y’know,” Luhan said without any malice.

Admittedly, he was right. As much as Kyungsoo wanted to take time to heal from his wounds, it was evident that he was taking too long. And as all roads eventually seemed to lead to Jongin, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice that his departure from Jongin’s life didn’t seem to stop him from going onwards and upwards. He was everywhere, on the news channel, on Kyungsoo’s Facebook timeline… Accuretta had suddenly become a mega-company with a marketing plan that rivalled that of Samsung’s.

That wasn’t the only thing Kyungsoo heard about Jongin either. There were scandals of him frequenting hostess clubs and getting blackout drunk on more than one occasion, usually causing a scene of some sort. It hurt to know that Jongin seemed to be doing… somewhat okay without Kyungsoo.

He certainly wasn’t lonely, and maybe this was the kind of eccentric lifestyle that Jongin was used to. A lifestyle without inhibitions or commitments to a partner. A lifestyle in which Kyungsoo had no place in, and had no right to interfere with.

 “…I know,” Kyungsoo replied, a beat too late. “And I’m thinking about it. But it doesn’t explain the fact that you obviously knew what Taemin really wanted to say—”

“Gosh, would you look at the time? I think I’m running late,” Luhan announced. He was, in fact, fifteen minutes early this morning for once. He rushed out of the room anyway, barely able to swing his blazer onto his shoulders. Kyungsoo chased after him, grabbing the lunchbox on the table.

“Here,” Kyungsoo pushed it to his chest when Luhan stopped to pick up his briefcase at the door.

“Blimey, you never usually cook, mum,” Luhan said in bewilderment, looking the lunchbox cross-eyed.

“Shut it, they’re leftovers,” Kyungsoo huffed. He didn’t want Luhan to know that the lunchbox was supposed to be a bribe in case Luhan didn’t want to spill the beans to Kyungsoo; evidently, Luhan wasn’t going to be spilling _anything,_ not until Taemin told Kyungsoo himself.

“Oh. Thanks. And don’t cook today, I’m going to take you out to this new barbeque place down the street. You look like you need fresh air, frankly,” Luhan said, looking at him up and down appraisingly. Kyungsoo pinched Luhan’s arm, and he howled as he slammed out of the apartment.

 _I do_ not _need fresh air_ , Kyungsoo thought. He was fine with staying at home anyway. Someone needed to do the chores around the apartment after all.

Kyungsoo yawned, going back into his room. He laid down on the bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling mindlessly. It was still early in the morning, but he didn’t think he could fall asleep again. Luhan was loud whenever he woke up, all grunting and groaning in the bathroom like an old man. Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

Miraculously, he slept anyway, for a bit. It could’ve been hours or minutes later when he heard the clock on his bedside table clicking with each second. The neighbours upstairs were making weird noises, an occasional thump here or a heavy dragging sound there. Kyungsoo tried to cover his ears with a pillow.

It was too quiet and too noisy all at once in the apartment for Kyungsoo today. He sat up, and saw the basket of dirty clothes by the door. He was going to have to do the laundry now if they were going out tonight.

He stretched a bit, then went to pick up the basket, looking around the room to see if there were any stray articles of clothing that needed washing.

Now that he was looking a little more closely than usual, Kyungsoo noticed his room looked… almost devastatingly empty. It looked devoid of any personality, even though the brick walls and wooden finishes were elegant and tasteful.

There was something too commercial about how Kyungsoo’s room looked, now that he thought about it. The place was missing something, and with a rush of melancholy, he realized that it didn’t feel like a permanent home.

He didn’t realize how much he’d gotten used to Jongin’s apartment, even though he’d left it two months ago. _Is it clean?_ Kyungsoo thought, trying to picture it in his mind. Strange, but he missed cleaning the apartment. It had become as familiar to him as his hometown, a part of him that could not be changed.

 _You’re overthinking things_ , Kyungsoo told himself firmly. “The laundry,” he whispered under his breath. “You’re doing the laundry and that’s it.” This time, he only looked at the ground, and spotted an abandoned shirt on the floor of his closet. He went to grab it, pushing the door aside.

He never should have gone into the closet alone. Kyungsoo’s heart tugged in his chest as he caught sight of the plastic boxes on the floor by the shirt; Kyungsoo inhaled sharply.

 _Fuck_.

There really was no way around it; he missed Jongin _terribly_. He missed everything about him.

Kyungsoo dropped the basket of clothes aside, chores forgotten. He staggered to his knees, and touched the boxes gently, as if they were Jongin himself. He could see the pictures Jongin had taken at the beach through the cover of one of the boxes. They looked happy, and foolish, like nothing else mattered in the world. _Better times._

Kyungsoo didn’t want to think about it but unbidden, the memory of when he first walked out the door came back at him, taking away his breath.

He remembered how Jongin had argued, getting paler with each word as if it took too much energy out of him to speak. He could remember how shattered Jongin had looked when he tried one last time to tell Kyungsoo that he loved him, and how Kyungsoo knew he had to leave before he broke down and cried. He recalled all too well what their last kiss tasted like; bittersweet tears and goodbye.

Kyungsoo looked at himself in the mirror of his closet; he didn’t know who it was looking back at him anymore, but he knew he hated this self that he’d become.

He hated that he wasn’t strong. He hated that his past never really went away and it made him weak. He hated that Jongin was the only person Kyungsoo ever wanted in his dismal life and he was the one person Kyungsoo could never truly have. Kyungsoo shouted hoarsely at his reflection.

He gasped, mostly out of surprise, when the reflection broke into fragmented pieces of glass. He didn’t even think when he did it. He looked down at his fist almost in wonder, blood and bits of broken glass now everywhere. His knuckles felt raw, but for the first time, Kyungsoo felt like this was what he deserved.

 _This is what I deserve for making Jongin hurt,_ he thought, the smell of blood making him feel heady. _This is what I deserve._

Pain shot up his arm when he unclenched his right hand, but it was the sharpest, keenest feeling Kyungsoo had had in weeks. It was sick and messy and now his hand was starting to hurt, but it certainly beat feeling sorry for himself. Kyungsoo was suddenly bright-eyed, like he’d just taken a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart.

The phone rang, pulling him out of his reverie. Kyungsoo cursed under his breath, cradling his injured hand in his other hand. Blood pooled in his palm almost immediately; he’d probably nicked a vein.

He shuffled out into the living room. The landline phone on the wall wasn’t ringing. He frowned, wondering if he was losing his mind. The ringing continued for another beat or two, before he realized that it must be coming from his own phone.

 _Jongin_ , was his first thought.

Jongin, who never returned any of Kyungsoo’s texts must be calling him, because no one else called him on his phone anymore. Had he finally decided to grace Kyungsoo’s presence with a phone call?

 _But why?_ Kyungsoo thought. Only one way to find out.

He ran back into his room, picking up a shirt from the laundry basket that he didn’t mind throwing away later. There was too much blood dripping around so Kyungsoo quickly bundled his hand up and wiped his uninjured hand on it too, wincing at the amount of blood he was losing. He would have to stop by a hospital if he couldn’t find a way to staunch the blood soon.

He found his phone from the low shelf he’d left it on from about a week ago and answered, smearing blood on the screen. Kyungsoo put it to loudspeaker, only noticing the caller ID a moment later. _Jesus, it’s really him_ , Kyungsoo thought, heart pounding a hundred beats a minute. Jongin was actually calling him after all this time—

“Hello?” someone said, almost questioningly. It didn’t sound like Jongin.

“Um, hello?” Kyungsoo replied, heart sinking, “who is this?” he said uncertainly.

“It’s Chanyeol here. Jongin’s friend. Is this Kyungsoo?” the guy said. _Chanyeol?_ Kyungsoo wracked his brain, trying to match the name to a face before he recalled dimly that one time Jongin had one of his friends over at the office.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo replied intelligently.

“Yeah, sorry if I gave the wrong impression,” Chanyeol said, huffing a laugh. _He knows?_ Kyungsoo thought.

“Look, I usually don’t get involved with my friends’ love lives; it’s none of my goddamned business, but this is definitely an exception. Sehun’s going to kill me but you gotta come over to the hospital, Kyungsoo.”

“What? Why?” Kyungsoo demanded. He was probably going to have to stop by the emergency section too, from the looks of the droplets of blood dripping from his soaked shirt. _But Luhan’s just left for work, I can’t call him_ , Kyungsoo’s anxiety spiked up another notch.

“You haven’t seen the news…?” Chanyeol asked.

“No,” Kyungsoo replied. News about Jongin always eventually reached his ears one way or another without having him to seek for it.

Except this time, it wasn’t fast enough. “He’s been admitted into the hospital, Kyungsoo. Jongin’s just had a seizure.”

*

“You shouldn’t have called him,” Sehun’s voice snarled.

It woke Jongin up from what felt like the longest sleep he’d ever had. He could barely open his eyes though. Actually, he could hardly even feel the rest of his body.

“You’re going to stress the fuck out of him as soon as he wakes up—” Sehun was saying, before someone cut him off.

“No, Sehun. You should’ve seen him last night. And you know how stubborn Jongin is. Maybe… this is for the best, you know. For the both of them, although we still don’t know what the frick happened.”

 _Chanyeol?_ Jongin thought groggily. Things were taking an unexpected turn.

He forced himself to open his eyes, feeling like his eyelashes had been glued together. All he saw were two blurry figures at first, standing close to him. His eye level was too low for him to see their faces, but it was probably Chanyeol and Sehun, by the looks of it. Jongin made a noise in his throat to catch their attention, but they didn’t seem to hear.

“Chanyeol, I don’t care what happened between them, okay? I care about how Jongin’s going to react when he sees him, and I know for a fact that he’s going to overreact and rage all over the ward before we can get a tranquilizer in time,” Sehun said heatedly.

 _Ward?_ Jongin thought. What the hell was going on? And why was he on a bed? It smelled gross though, like bleach and washed out vomit. It reminded him of a hospital.

Jongin shifted, and felt like a hundred things at once stopping him. He felt something down his throat, something up his nose, something sharp in his wrist—

“Jongin?” Sehun’s face filled Jongin’s blurry vision. His eyes felt crusted over, but he could make out some details. Bruise-like splotches below Sehun’s eyes made him look haggard and tired, like he hadn’t slept for days. Jongin made a small noise, and gagged on something hard in the back of his throat.

“Chanyeol, he’s awake. Get the nurse in here,” Sehun’s voice was harsh as he barked at Chanyeol. Sehun was trying to soothe Jongin as he touched him here and there frantically; he was clearly out of his element, and Jongin knew how much Sehun hated feeling helpless. Jongin almost laughed.

“You fucker, do you know where you are?” Sehun asked when he caught sight of Jongin’s smile. Jongin shook his head.

“You’re in the hospital. You had a seizure in front of your sister and baby niece, whom I think is traumatized beyond what therapy can repair. Jungah screamed so loud I thought there was a murderer in your office,” Sehun muttered, holding the tube down Jongin’s throat.

“How the hell do I get this off?” Sehun said, mostly to himself. He looked at the beeping monitor somewhere above Jongin’s head, then back down at Jongin, trying to find out where the tube ended.

 _Seizure_ , Jongin thought, _wow_. He’d expected accident, or passing out. Not a fucking seizure. Didn’t people die from this?

Then he thought of Kyungsoo, and went cold with dread. Jongin didn’t want to think about what it would mean if he’d actually died without ever seeing Kyungsoo again. That made him shiver, and he involuntarily swallowed around the stupid tube in his throat. 

Jongin lifted his right arm, then tapped at the tube once.

“What? Why do you have a tube down your throat?” Sehun looked at Jongin. He nodded, but stopped quickly when he felt his head smarting with pain.

“You weren’t breathing right, you _asshole_. I told you to stop drinking like a sailor, but you wouldn’t fucking listen. I hope this is a lesson for you, Jongin, seriously, because this isn’t my job description—” He tugged at the tube hesitantly, and it came free from Jongin’s mouth at once.

It was disgusting, covered with saliva and other stuff Jongin didn’t care to know about. Sehun hurled it to one side, letting it sit on Jongin’s covers. Jongin breathed in clean, crisp air, thankful that Sehun was a ruthless motherfucker.

“Thanks,” Jongin rasped, his lips parched and dry. Sehun didn’t get a chance to snap at him. Chanyeol abruptly returned with a nurse, who gasped and tutted at Sehun for his efforts in trying to get the tube out of Jongin. Sehun stepped away with both hands in the air, retreating to the corner with Chanyeol.

The nurse fussed over Jongin, putting away the tube and taking his temperature and so on. Seconds later, a doctor was there too, who pointed a small torchlight retrieved from the pocket of her white coat into Jongin’s eyes. It was irritating as fuck, and Jongin said as much. “I’m not dead yet, you know,” he mumbled, voice hoarse.

“Actually, you almost died today, Mr. Kim. You’re lucky your seizure wasn’t fatal, and your assistant got you into the hospital within minutes,” the doctor, who was also a woman, chastised him. The nurse handed him a glass of ice cold water, and Jongin swallowed all of it before he could speak once more. His throat felt as dry as a desert.  

“Do you remember what happened?” the doctor asked. Jongin shifted the pillows behind his head so he could sit up. Every part of his body felt stiff and unused.

“Yeah,” Jongin grunted. He remembered only a bit of it anyway. He’d been dizzy almost the entire time, but he could recall Rahee and the discussion he’d had with Jungah.

“Where’s my sister?” Jongin asked Sehun, who was standing at the end of the bed and nodding at everything the doctor had said.

“She’s with Rahee at the cafeteria. Rahee was so distraught when she saw what happened, and cried like a baby. She fell asleep a while ago… I think Jungah is having dinner with her before she comes back up,” Sehun said. Jongin looked over at the large window on his right. It was probably five or six in the evening. Jongin couldn’t believe he’d had a seizure.

 _I can’t believe I’m_ alive, he thought. He looked down at his hands. Jongin felt like he’d changed on the inside, like the seizure had reset everything in him. 

“Oh, I don’t recommend visitors,” the doctor turned to say to Sehun.

“Isn’t he a visitor?” Jongin replied.

“He was only allowed to stay temporarily because there were no other family members around to watch over you. And he’ll have to leave soon, so I can assess you properly,” the doctor said to the both of them. She took a clipboard from the end of the bed and brought out a pen, scribbling here and there.

“So I can stay, right?” Chanyeol’s head popped out, over the doctor’s shoulder. She stifled a gasp, then scowled at him.

“No one is allowed. Mr. Kim is going to need his rest. You both and his sister can come back tomorrow,” she said.

Chanyeol protested, “But what about—”

“Shut _up_ ,” Sehun thumped Chanyeol’s chest so hard over the chest, he doubled over in pain. The doctor shook her head at the both of them, clicking her pen in one hand.

“You should really go, the both of you, before Mr. Kim is too stressed—”

“Five more minutes. Please? He’s a busy man, as you know, obviously, and there’s something things we need to iron out about the company,” Chanyeol pleaded, giving her his best smile. Sehun agreed at once.

“Yes, I’m his personal assistant, and it won’t take all that long, we just need to make sure he’s up to date and who needs to take his place in the meantime while he’s here,” Sehun said, straightening his back. He wasn’t smiling, but he had that innocent look in his eyes that he only ever used on girls when he wanted to sleep with them.

The doctor, overwhelmed, said, “…F-fine. I’ll go for my break, and when I come back, I don’t want to see anyone in this room except for Mr. Kim.”

Sehun broke out into a smile at that. “Trust me, it isn’t as pleasant as an experience you might think it is.”

She left, back so stiff that Jongin was surprised she hadn’t backhanded Sehun with a slap before walking out. As soon as the door shut behind her, Chanyeol and Sehun immediately said at the same time:

“Kyungsoo’s here.”

“I’ll tell everyone not to worry.”

Jongin sucked in a breath, sending Chanyeol a sharp look at the mention of that name.

Kyungsoo was here? _How?_ Was that who they were gabbing about when he woke up?

“I told you to shut the fuck up about him,” Sehun practically growled at Chanyeol. Jongin prickled uncomfortably on the bed; _wait a second, no one’s supposed to know about Kyungsoo_ , he thought.

No one was supposed to call him here, even though deep in Jongin’s heart, he couldn’t help it. He’d almost died, and the last words he’d ever speak to Kyungsoo could not be ‘Just go.’ Jongin would never forgive himself for that.

Chanyeol ignored Sehun. “I called him, Jongin. And I can tell him to wait outside, or just go away if you don’t think you can handle it today,” he said, patting Jongin’s hand.

“…Why did you call him? He doesn’t— He has no need to know,” Jongin sputtered. Chanyeol’s eyes were pitying, and he smiled faintly.

“He called because he’s fucking nosy,” Sehun supplied.

“No. I called because I know. We all know,” Chanyeol said, rolling his eyes. He had a beret on, different from the day before, but Jongin still felt like smothering him with it. He had a sinking feeling in his chest, but he could be wrong. He hoped he was wrong. This, what he thought they knew, wasn’t something he was ready to face.

“Know what?” Jongin insisted.

“Don’t be obtuse,” Sehun snorted, “we know about Kyungsoo, Jongin. _We. Know_.”

Jongin stared at Sehun, and then at Chanyeol. _They know_ , he thought. More questions burst forth in his head, crowding the ones that he already had. Why, when and how? How could they possibly know, when Jongin had gone through such lengths to keep it a secret—

“You’re terrible at keeping secrets, you know,” Sehun said.

“No, I’m not,” Jongin snapped.

“Yes, you are. We’ve known— or I have— since that godforsaken day Kyungsoo walked into your office. Did you really think someone could move in with you,” Sehun was laughing now, though it wasn’t from humour, “and we wouldn’t _notice_? Your bills, your credit card, everything showed. When Mr. Lee told me a boy with a stupid baby face was going to work with you every day, I wasn’t even surprised.”

“I’m just insulted you didn’t tell me earlier,” Chanyeol said to Jongin, looking a little hurt.

Jongin didn’t even know what to say. “Wait, so… you knew? About… everything?” he asked, not quite able to believe it. He wondered how Sehun managed to stay quiet all those months. This was exactly the kind of thing he would’ve loved to use against Jongin. 

“Of course. And I don’t know why Kyungsoo moved out on you, but I do know that you’re the worst actor on this planet. No one just starts drinking, y’know. It was so obvious something happened between the two of you,” Sehun said.

“Then why—”

“Didn’t we say anything?” Chanyeol finished for him, “‘because we were waiting for you to tell _us_. It didn’t seem like something you could just confront someone with so… we waited. And look where that has gotten you.”

Jongin felt— oddly enough— betrayed, shocked and just _relieved_ all at once. They knew, and yet here they were, lecturing them like old women like nothing had changed. Jongin huffed an exhale of relief, dropping back onto the bed.

Then he held his head in his hands, laughter brimming out of his chest. It came hard and fast so that there were tears in his eyes, but he couldn’t tell where they came from. He swiped them away with his hands, still laughing, even though it sort of hurt his chest to laugh this hard. T _hey knew,_ he thought.

Sehun and Chanyeol were saying something over him in earnest, but he wasn’t listening. All that effort to keep Kyungsoo a secret, and his friends _knew all along_.

“Have you lost your mind sometime during that seizure?” Sehun inquired in a polite voice after a moment.

“No,” Jongin shook his head, “I just— you knew, but you stayed.” Which was more than he could say for Kyungsoo. He left at the first sign of trouble, even when Jongin was dead _certain_ that Kyungsoo was the one person in the world who understood him the way he wanted to be understood.

“Oh please, as if being gay makes my job any easier or harder,” Sehun snorted. His hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it impatiently to one side. 

“And you know I’m bi,” Chanyeol said to Jongin, “really, if you didn’t want to tell Sehun, you could’ve told me.”

“But instead you both decided to gossip behind my back,” Jongin said without censure. And he never actually knew Chanyeol was bi, had only guessed at it. It wasn’t something he could’ve asked over dinner anyway, and he supposed that maybe it was the same for them. As long as it never came in the way, it wasn’t something that really needed acknowledgment.

“I’m not gay though,” Jongin felt the need to say. Sehun cocked his head to one side.

“Really?” he drawled, unconvinced.

“…I only ever wanted Kyungsoo,” Jongin flushed before his friends for the first time. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this exposed and naked to their gazes, like they were looking into his soul.

“Explains a lot,” Chanyeol said decisively.

“Does it?” Jongin asked weakly. He didn’t even know what he meant anymore. All he wanted now was to see Kyungsoo. Just to see how he was doing, whether he was fine or possibly doing worse than Jongin.

Jongin just wanted to say something different to him for once, because this couldn’t happen again. He had practically brushed past death and made it out alive; there was no way he’d allow his cowardice to get in the way of letting Kyungsoo know how much Jongin loved him. And how much he’s hurt me, Jongin thought, feeling tears in his eyes. He spoke again before he could cry like a bitch in front of his friends.

“Can you guys bring him in?” he asked, “please?”

Sehun looked at Chanyeol uncertainly. “Are you… sure? I mean I don’t know what happened but—” Jongin cut Sehun off.

“I’ll tell you everything,” he interrupted, “if you’ll just bring him in. We— there’s things I have left to say, and I don’t want to die first without letting him know how I feel.” Amazingly, Sehun and Chanyeol went red in the face like buffoons.

“W-well. I’m sure Chanyeol can… bring him in. Or something. I’ll be outside,” Sehun said gruffly. He stopped for a moment, then added, “Yell if you need me, but only like for real emergencies.” He sent Jongin a scathing look, possibly to intimidate him, before they both slinked out. Chanyeol gave him a salute and a wink before shutting the door.

“Be back in a second,” he said.

Jongin took a shuddering breath, placing a hand over his chest. There was a mixture of feelings in his chest about all this. About everything. First of all, he didn’t know what it meant that Kyungsoo was here. Did he want to come, or had Chanyeol screamed and guilt tripped him so hard that Kyungsoo was forced to come?

And secondly, Jongin couldn’t believe himself right now. He had nearly died, he was in a hospital and the first thing he could think of was _Kyungsoo_.

He was such a fucking sap, no wonder Kyungsoo left. Jongin was officially disgusted with himself. Those two months of trying to get Kyungsoo out of his mind clearly had not worked well enough as he’d hoped.

And thirdly… Well, there was no thirdly. It went out of his head when the door opened, and a familiar silhouette— one he tried to scrub out of his mind with vodka and drugs— stepped in.

It was as if all the air in the room was vacuumed out in that split second.

Kyungsoo was here, in the hospital to see him. And God help Jongin, because all he wanted to do was hold Kyungsoo and breathe in his familiar scent once again, feel his soft skin under his fingertips. He wanted Kyungsoo so badly, and could not fathom why his heart hurt in his chest to see Kyungsoo after all these months.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo breathed, when he locked gazes with him. Jongin noticed at once, the differences in his face. He looked tired, and thinner. Kyungsoo was wearing a crappy shirt Jongin recognized, and it hung off his shoulders like it was one size too large. One of his hands were bandaged up too. Jongin had to grip the covers tightly to resist reaching out to touch it.

“Hyung,” Jongin said, barely a whisper.

“I—” Kyungsoo looked like he was struggling to talk. “Chanyeol called me, and I came over. I… I didn’t know what to think.”

 _Would you rather I was dead?_ Jongin thought. _Would you rather have me out of your life completely, once and for all?_

“I had a seizure, that’s all they told me. I haven’t heard specifics yet,” Jongin replied in a low voice. Kyungsoo pulled up a chair, sitting down beside the bed. Jongin looked down at him. He didn’t understand how Kyungsoo’s skin could look sallow under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, how he could be wearing the crappiest clothes Jongin had ever seen, and yet still be the most beautiful person Jongin had ever known. All those nights of imagining Kyungsoo’s face did no justice at all.

“I heard from the doctors you’d been drinking too much. Sehun had to answer a few questions on your behalf,” Kyungsoo said quietly.

Jongin shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to talk about _why_ he was drinking too much. “Jongin,” Kyungsoo sighed, placing his bandaged hand on his forehead like he was having a headache.

“I don’t know what are your reasons for hurting yourself but… you can’t do this,” Kyungsoo said, voice cracking midsentence.

“You really don’t know then?” Jongin asked, touching Kyungsoo’s bandaged hand. Kyungsoo winced and pulled away his hand into his lap. Jongin blinked, and Kyungsoo looked up at him guiltily.

“I cut myself this morning. It’s still tender,” he explained, too quickly. Jongin dropped his hand.

“What do you mean I can’t do this?” Jongin asked, looking at the window. It was strange, to see Kyungsoo and feel like he was looking at a stranger.

Kyungsoo’s voice was too quiet when he spoke, “You can’t do this as in you need help. You’re well on your way to being an alcoholic, Jongin, and you’ve just had a seizure this morning.”

“So you care now, about what happens to me?” Jongin snapped. It was a mistake to look at Kyungsoo right in the eye. He had sounded angry, but his eyes were pleading. Jongin wanted to kiss him hard, but he didn’t know what would happen if he did.

“I always cared,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Is that why you left then?” Jongin asked, clenching his hands together. He wanted to know, if there was anything left of what they had. If it had been a lie all along, or if maybe, Kyungsoo was feeling as shitty as Jongin did.

“I told you why I left. You were tearing yourself in half with trying to be with me and trying to run your company. I couldn’t do that to you, Jongin. We wouldn’t have gone anywhere anyway,” Kyungsoo’s eyes were red, “and you know it too. What was the point of holding on, when sooner or later, you would have to get married, settle down with a girl and have kids?”

Jongin looked at him, feeling hot tears in his eyes too. “I don’t _want_ that. God, I never did, Kyungsoo. I still don’t. I still love you, hyung, even if I’ve been trying to convince myself all these months that I don’t.”

Kyungsoo looked away. “No. No, don’t say that.”

Jongin wanted to die. He was putting out his heart for Kyungsoo, practically begging for him— to do what, he didn’t know, but Kyungsoo still didn’t want any of it. Jongin was in misery, but Kyungsoo had to know. Kyungsoo had to know how much he’d fucked up Jongin with his eyes and his heart-shaped smile and nervous habits.

“Hyung, I love you,” Jongin’s tears spilled over. He pressed his palms over his eyes, feeling his tears seep into his hospital gown. “I love you, Kyungsoo, I love you, and I wish I didn’t so I don’t have to feel this way anymore—” Kyungsoo’s hand curved around Jongin’s cheek.

He tipped Jongin’s head upwards, and then Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s mouth on his, warm and salty with tears.

Jongin kissed him back, pulling Kyungsoo closer. Kyungsoo was crying too, although Jongin didn’t understand why. He didn’t deserve to cry, not when he was the one who walked out. Jongin kissed him harder, as if he could punish Kyungsoo for all he’d put Jongin through.

“Jongin, we can’t,” Kyungsoo said between kisses.

Jongin didn’t care. He kissed Kyungsoo because he was here now, and because he was kissing Jongin back and it still felt like they were in love. It still felt like the best thing Jongin had ever had in his life.

“Hyung, just tell me,” Jongin said in a shaking voice when Kyungsoo broke off to sob into Jongin’s neck. They were both crying so hard, Jongin couldn’t tell which one of them was more hurt than the other. “Just tell me whether you still love me or not, and I’ll— I’ll never bother you again. I won’t call, I won’t try to reach out, I won’t think of you, just _tell me_.”

Kyungsoo cradled Jongin’s face in his hands and bumped their foreheads together. He was smiling through his tears, and Jongin’s arms still fit around his waist perfectly, even though Kyungsoo was a little bonier now. His heart felt full like this.

“You’re stupid,” Kyungsoo breathed, “if you ever thought I didn’t love you.”

“Say it,” Jongin whispered. He wanted to hear it one last time.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” Kyungsoo whispered back, “and I love you, Jongin. You were always, _always_ the one I loved most. I love you so much it hurts me.”

It hurt Jongin too. Broke his damn heart into tiny pieces. He crushed Kyungsoo into his arms and kissed him again, because he would never have enough of Kyungsoo, not even if they had a thousand years to be together. Jongin would always want more.

There was a sudden commotion outside the ward. Kyungsoo pulled away, turning to look over at the closed door. Jongin could hear muffled shouts, heavy footsteps and stomps, all getting closer to them with each passing second.

Kyungsoo scrambled off Jongin’s bed just in time for the door to burst open, slamming against the wall as Sehun was shoved through the doorway. He fell on his back with a loud thump, and his expression was downright murderous. Kyungsoo was frozen with shock, just as Jongin was on the bed.

“Don’t you tell me what to fucking do,” a voice growled, and a guy stepped into the ward. He had a finger pointed at Sehun, and Jongin assumed he was the one who’d pushed Sehun down. The guy looked up, and for a moment, Jongin was confused.

It was his own face looking back at him, except he was never this pale, and he’d have to have a death wish the size of the Manhattan if he pushed Sehun that hard to the ground.

“Taemin, what the hell?” Kyungsoo cried. Jongin and Sehun looked at him at the same time, dumbfounded. “You _know_ this cunt?” Sehun said, from the ground.

Taemin, on the other hand, widened his eyes at Jongin.

“ _This_ is your ex?” he said, scoffing in disbelief.

It was all he managed to say. A pair of arms suddenly came around him, and held on tight. He was dragged bodily backwards and out of the ward, shouting and yelling profanities the whole time; Jongin caught sight of a beret falling to the ground as Taemin struggled. Chanyeol must’ve caught him by surprise.

Kyungsoo’s mouth dropped open, turning back to Jongin. Then he became flustered, and looked back at Sehun, who still hadn’t gotten up. He was probably just as shocked as Jongin was.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Kyungsoo started to say. Sehun waved a hand at him, silencing him.

“It’s nothing,” he got up with a grunt, “but you should leave soon. Jongin needs to rest, and Chanyeol can’t fight off the doctor. It’s unethical,” Sehun said without looking at the both of them. He dusted him off and walked out, shutting the door after himself.

It creaked loudly as it stuck to the doorframe for a moment, before swinging open slightly. Sehun probably ruined the doorknob or something.

Kyungsoo looked like he was about to lose his mind, face all tear streaked and blotchy. “Jongin, I— I think I should go. I have to check on Taemin—”

“Who was he?” Jongin asked, “and why did he look… like me?” he trailed off at the end. Just as he thought everything was sorted, something else happened. Kyungsoo fidgeted on the spot, not quite meeting Jongin’s gaze.

“He’s a friend,” Kyungsoo said slowly.

“Okay…” Jongin acceded, reaching out to grip Kyungsoo’s wrist, “but you can’t go, hyung, there’s so much left to say—”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo pleaded, trying to pry Jongin’s fingers off. _He can’t go_ , Jongin told himself. If he left, he might never come back. If Kyungsoo walked out, there was a chance he’d act like none of this had ever happened and expect Jongin to go back to the way he was living before. Jongin could _not_ do it, there was no way he’d live half a life if Kyungsoo walked out on him again.

“Jongin, I can’t stay,” Kyungsoo said softly. Jongin didn’t let go.

“Then I’m coming with you,” he said readily. Jongin tried to get out of bed, but a piercing pain shot up his right arm. He gave a short yell, before he looked down at what it was. A needle was stuck under his skin, now bleeding a small trickle of blood from where he jolted it out of place.

Kyungsoo saw it too, and gasped, before he shoved Jongin back on the bed with a strength Jongin didn’t know he had.

“Stop it, Jongin, just stop,” Kyungsoo muttered as he tried to keep Jongin down.

“No hyung, you’re not going to come back,” Jongin felt hysterics coming on as he tried to sit up. He saw Kyungsoo making a grab for a remote hanging off some wires with his injured hand, and Jongin tried to snatch it away from him.

“I’m sorry, Jongin, but I can’t let you come with me,” Kyungsoo said, fresh tears falling down his face.

They dripped down onto Jongin’s face like rain. Jongin was determined to make Kyungsoo stay, but he’d also been out cold for the past few hours; he was only half as strong than usual. He watched Kyungsoo hold the remote high up, where Jongin couldn’t reach it now that he was lying down. Kyungsoo pressed on the button frantically, and Jongin could almost feel the morphine rushing through his veins.

“Hyung,” he croaked. Jongin knew he was being pathetic, but he couldn’t find the right words to make Kyungsoo see. He held onto Kyungsoo’s arm, feeling his strength sap away from his hands. A warm tear slipped down his cheek.

“Hush,” Kyungsoo relented his grip on Jongin slowly. Jongin relaxed reluctantly, sinking back on the bed even though all he wanted to do was lunge at Kyungsoo.

“You’re gonna go,” Jongin said, his voice barely a whisper as he tried to fight the sleepiness that threatened to overcome him, “and you’re not coming back.”

Kyungsoo winced, looking down at his injured hand when he released the remote. The bandages were now bright red. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath. Undeterred, he looked back at Jongin, brushing his thumb below Jongin’s eye when he saw his tears. He wiped them away gently, and Jongin sobbed just a little. There was not much energy for anything else.

“Stop crying, Jongin,” he whispered, and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, as if he was tucking Jongin in for the night, “I always come back to you.” Or maybe he said something else. Jongin couldn’t tell; he was already half asleep when he mumbled sluggishly, “Don’t go, hyung… _please_.”

He couldn’t say any more than that, but he felt it when Kyungsoo leaned over to whisper in his ear, “I’m _so_ sorry,” he felt Kyungsoo’s wet tears on his cheek, “I know what you want to hear from me, Jongin, I know. And I can’t give it to you.

“I’m sorry, Jongin,” he sobbed, “more than I can say.”


	26. i've got a hundred million reasons to walk away (but i just need one good one to stay)

Jongin watched with a cringe on his face as Sehun shoved bottle after bottle into a big cardboard box. The bottles clinked almost in protest as Sehun tried to make space in the box by manhandling it roughly. He wasn’t gentle to say the least; glass rubbing on glass had to be the worst sound Jongin had ever heard.

“Any more bottles hiding around in your office?” Sehun asked, when he emptied the shelves of the wet bar.

“You could check the ceiling,” Jongin smiled innocently.

Sehun gave him a dry look. “Very funny. I see rehab hasn’t ruined your sense of humour just yet.” He bent down to open up a cabinet under the sink. Jongin had never (consciously) hidden any bottles of wine or brandy down there before, but after a bit of rummaging, Sehun pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey.

Jongin blinked when Sehun gave him a sidelong look. He was just as surprised as Sehun was. “Damn. This is expensive shit,” Sehun whistled, reading the label. Jongin cocked his head to one side.

“Is it?” he drawled. As long as it tasted good or knocked him out good, he wasn’t fussed about how much it costed. Wasn’t like prices mattered all that much to him.

“Yeah, dude, it’s a Macallan 1946, for Christ’s sake. I’m surprised you haven’t touched it,” Sehun said, giving it one last look before dropping it unceremoniously into the box along with the rest of the bottles.

“You didn’t give me a chance to, remember?” Jongin said. Sehun pointedly ignored that comment. He rummaged around a bit more, opening up all the cabinets. Coming up empty, Sehun finally stepped away from the wet bar, satisfied. The cardboard box wasn’t as full as Jongin expected it to be; either his wet bar wasn’t as well stocked as he thought it was, or he’d drank more than he thought he did.

Jongin wondered what Sehun was going to do with the bottles… Light them on fire? Send the unfinished ones to Jongin’s dad? If there was going to be fireworks with his alcohol, he wanted front seats.

“Are you gonna light them on fire?” Jongin asked Sehun, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“No. I wish I could though,” Sehun replied thoughtfully, “I’m probably just gonna donate them to some frat boys living in my neighbourhood. They’ll finish the ones you haven’t in no time.” His voice was annoyingly cheerful as he said that, and Jongin knew he was doing it just to annoy him.

“But they’re not going to appreciate it properly,” Jongin moaned.

“Well, I think you did your fair share of appreciating. It’s time you shared your gifts with the world, y’know,” Sehun said, very matter-of-fact. Jongin just rolled his eyes. Sehun smiled angelically in return, and yelled for Taewoon to help him with the box of booze.

In all honesty, Jongin didn’t really care what was going to happen to all those bottles of unfinished booze. All he knew was that they had to _go_.

It had been three weeks since Jongin had been discharged from the hospital, not counting the one day he had to rest for a bit at home before Sehun signed Jongin up for a rehab program for alcoholics in a facility just outside of Seoul.

It was one of the most effective programs in the country apparently, and Jongin hardly managed to put in a word of argument before his sister butted into the whole situation and offered to pay for the entire program. She had insisted that she paid for it, no matter the cost, thus successfully guilt-tripping Jongin into going to rehab. There was just no way to argue when Jungah was involved.

Now that he was three weeks into the program, Jongin could say that he understood where his sister and friends were coming from; they wanted him to get himself together. That being said, understanding their intentions didn’t mean that he _enjoyed_ the program and its activities.

It was like he was on probation now; throughout the ten weeks he was supposed to put in to fix himself, Jongin was only allowed to leave the facility on weekdays from 8AM to 6PM only, on the special condition that someone was with him the entire time to make sure he didn’t give in to any temptations or try to make a run for the hills. The rest of the time, Jongin had to be at the facility centre just outside of Seoul, doing all kinds of things he never thought he’d be doing like yoga classes (he didn’t like it very much), one-on-one therapy sessions (he hated them) and even group therapy sessions (he hated these sessions with a vengeance).

Admittedly, Jongin knew he needed help. But he didn’t need the whole nine yards of _help_.

He didn’t need to have a curfew every night and turn in at 10PM like some twelve-year-old. He didn’t need a therapist poking into his past every Wednesday evening after work, questioning his every decision in life. He especially did not need his friends jumping in at every opportunity to ‘help him’ whenever his therapist thought necessary, like now.

She had told Jongin that it was crucial to get rid of all temptations to drink in his life, whether it was a simple invitation for drinks with friends or a gift of expensive wine from a colleague. Then she’d called Sehun to make sure he could help with that, and he reassured her that he would get rid of such threats, starting with the bottles of unfinished alcohol in Jongin’s office.

Jongin thought it was a little stupid actually, to only get rid of the bottles after three weeks of proven sobriety. Granted, when he came back to the office it was extremely busy trying to get back into the swing of things and he barely had the time to even _think_ about drinking, but seriously.

Surely two weeks of being within walking distance of a wet bar was enough proof that he wasn’t addicted _to_ alcohol; he had only craved the numbing effects of strong alcohol and the dark sleep that came after.

However, now that Jongin was in a better state of mind, he didn’t give a rat’s ass about where the multi-coloured and multi-shaped bottles would go.

The withdrawals he’d suffered in the first week at the facility was _agony_. Seemingly endless nights of shivers, cold sweats and sweltering fevers… Jongin could hardly remember anything from that week. He’d slipped in and out of lucid dreams, some stranger than most, some far too familiar a scene for him to think about without wincing.

When he finally emerged from the withdrawals, Jongin resolutely refused to go through a repeat of that, even if it meant that he could not numb his emotions anymore.

 _Kim Jongin could live without alcohol_ ; this was what he tried to live by now. It was time for him to stop leaning on metaphoric crutches and just move on with life, move on from… everything that led up to his seizure. 

A loud yelp brought him out of his thoughts. Jongin glanced over to the entrance of his office, where Taewoon was hopping on one foot, a pained expression on his face. Sehun was growling at him as he tried to keep a grip on the box of booze, “Fuck you, Taewoon, seriously.” Jongin could hardly hold back a grin.

“I’m sorry,” Taewoon squawked in return, nursing his seemingly injured foot. He was still hopping; if he didn’t stop soon Sehun would most likely take his foot off.

“Ugh, sorry doesn’t help me with this fuckin’ box of booze that I’m not even gonna drink—” Sehun sputtered on the end of his sentence when Jongin lifted up the box with both hands. He almost tripped on his own feet, but he managed to keep his balance enough to glare at Jongin.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a surly voice.

“Helping you,” Jongin smiled in return. Sehun’s eyebrow twitched so hard Jongin could almost imagine what Sehun would look like if Sehun was the one who’d had a seizure.

“Since when have you ever been in a helping mood?” Sehun asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Since I started rehab,” Jongin replied cheerfully. They didn’t exactly preach about kindness there, but Jongin was intent on showing Sehun that he was turning a new leaf in all aspects. It was the only way he knew to get Sehun and the rest of his friends (and especially his sister) off his back; he couldn’t live like this forever, with their noses all up in his business. He’d never get laid at this point.

“What do they teach you there? To be deceptive?” Sehun demanded.

Jongin pouted. Or maybe he could be a little more subtle.

“Fine then,” Jongin said, then shoved the box back at Sehun. He bumped into Taewoon from the force of it, and they were left stumbling about like dizzy dominos.

Jongin returned to his seat at his desk while Sehun struggled once more to regain his balance. “Fuck you,” he said venomously. But Jongin knew under all that satire and slander, Sehun was really saying _‘I love you enough to pull a tube out of your throat_. _’_

“Keep up the good work,” Jongin called as he sat down. They bustled their way out of the office, soon leaving Jongin in peace. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

Coming back to the office after a week of rest was like pressing the reset button for Jongin. He couldn’t really tell what had changed, but the office seemed a little… wider somehow. Maybe even cleaner.

He wasn’t sure if it was his renewed spirits or maybe someone had been polishing the windows of Jongin’s office, but he was feeling significantly more motivated to come in and work in the office now. Jongin couldn’t say running the company was his dream job still, but he’d come to realize that it was what he was good at.

The seizure from nearly a month ago played a part in helping Jongin come to this conclusion, of course. It snapped Jongin out of his morose state and reminded him that although he’d lost something vital to him, it didn’t mean that everything else in his life was over.

Jongin still felt a little resentment towards his father and the way he never really had a choice in his career life, and maybe that would never really go away but he could say that he accepted that he would never be able to change that. That was one of the very few good things that came out of therapy so far. And since he didn’t have a different dream to pursue, the least he could do was make lemonade out of the lemons life had flung at him.

 _Hmm,_ Jongin thought. Now that was definitely new. Jongin never thought he’d live to see the day where he could motivate himself.

-

At 4.45PM, Jongin was already walking in the parking lot with Suho.

Mr. Lee had been given a ten-week leave from work because— in the words of Sehun, world’s most eloquent man— “he’s too afraid to lose his job to stand up to you.” In other words, because he was Jongin’s employee, he could not be trusted not to give in to Jongin’s demands. Jongin had tried to tell them that he wasn’t going to make Mr. Lee drive him to the nearest bar after work, but no one was convinced.

Instead, Suho and Sehun would take turns driving Jongin home every week. This week was Suho’s turn, which Jongin was not fond about because a forty-minute drive with Suho might as well be a forty-minute therapy session.

“I’ve drawn up the renewal contracts with Mr. Wu today. I’ll get them sent to you by tomorrow,” Suho said as they walked side by side. Jongin nodded shortly, trying not to speak too much. Anything he said could be used as therapy material by Suho, so he tried to keep their conversations short.

Sadly, Suho thought otherwise. “So I heard from Sehun that your therapist made you clear out all the booze in your office,” Suho tried once more. Jongin nodded again, sparing a glance in his direction. They reached Jongin’s car, and he got into the passenger seat beside Suho, out of respect for his friend, as opposed to treating him like a temporary driver.

“Do you feel… I don’t know, different? Now that they’ve cleared out your booze?” Suho asked, when they were buckling in the seatbelts.

Jongin looked at him in exasperation. “Not really. It was more like spring cleaning the office. I was happy to see them go, actually.” Suho looked surprised to hear that, and maybe a little pleased too.

“Oh. Good, then,” Suho said, starting the car, “that’s… really good to hear. Really good.” He nodded, more to himself than Jongin.

Jongin could tell Suho hadn’t been expecting him to say that. Perhaps he’d been expecting a fight from Jongin, or maybe some resistance. Jongin was just happy for a change; in hindsight, he didn’t want to die, he only wanted to get away from everything, to mourn his losses properly.

But moping wasn’t going to be helpful, so it was honestly better to just get a move on. There was no use in crying over things that he could never change; that much he learned the hard way.

Suho started up the car and began to reverse out of the parking lot. Jongin turned on the radio just to fill in the silence, some relaxing jazz music coming on (one of Suho’s efforts in getting Jongin to relax). They were silent for all of five minutes before Suho started talking again.

“Jongin?”

“Yes?” Jongin sighed at him.

Suho looked guilty as he drove. “I— You know we’re all just looking out for you, right?” he asked hesitantly. Jongin hummed nonchalantly in reply.

“And I know this is kind of personal…”

 _Oh God_ , Jongin thought. Suho wanted to get _personal_ with him. This was going to an uncomfortable ride, Jongin just knew it would be.

“...but I just wanted to ask about— well, y’know. The circumstances that led to your,” Suho gestured vaguely at Jongin. He supposed Suho meant his ‘situation’. Jongin repressed a sigh. He already knew where this conversation was headed.

“You wanna ask me about Kyungsoo, don’t you?”

Suho looked at him, startled. “Yeah, um,” he cleared his throat. Jongin was absurdly pleased to note that Suho was just as uncomfortable with this topic as he was. _Good_ , Jongin thought.

“What about it?” Jongin asked, pretending to check his nails. He felt a rush of mixed emotions washing over him, something that always happened whenever Kyungsoo came up in a conversation. Everything surged up in him; anxiety, anger, sadness, longing...

Jongin pushed it down deliberately; so long as he didn’t look at it too closely, he could almost pretend his past was something like an outer body experience, or like recalling something that happened to someone else.   

“Well, you don’t have to talk about it if you really don’t want to—”

“A gut feeling tells me there’s something specific you want to hear,” Jongin cut him off.

Chanyeol and Sehun had already tried to have ‘the talk’ with him about this. Jongin wasn’t surprised that Suho was trying to broach this subject now; it had been almost a month since Jongin had confirmed he and Kyungsoo used to be an item (for lack of better terminology), and Suho must’ve been dying to ask him some bizarre questions of his own.

Chanyeol, in example, had asked Jongin about how deeply involved he’d been with Jongin. Since he’d asked on the first day Jongin had checked into rehab, he spilled everything in a fit of spontaneous honesty, twitching and shivering the entire time. Then Chanyeol proceeded to tell Jongin that love was a gift and not a curse, and that he should try to treasure the good memories instead of focusing on the way they’d broken up. Much easier said than done.

Chanyeol being Chanyeol, he must’ve told Sehun and Suho about everything after that, because when Sehun spoke to him about Kyungsoo, he’d only said to Jongin that he always guessed at things, and didn’t care if Jongin was gay or bi or asexual or just experimenting.

“You’re still my friend, all things considered. Just don’t expect me to be your wingman next time you try to hit on a guy,” Sehun had said nonchalantly.

Now that it was Suho’s turn, Jongin was intrigued as to what Suho was going to say.

“I suppose there is something I want to hear,” Suho replied, lowering his voice a bit. They were now crawling through the streets of Seoul, joining the rest of the cars on the road in the rush hour.

“Ask then. No need for suspense,” Jongin settled into his seat.

 _Maybe talking it out will make it better_ , Jongin thought. But talking always meant recalling things. He thought about the finality in Kyungsoo’s voice when he’d said, “there’s nothing left,” and the vague memory of a whispered apology in his ear at the hospital.

_I’m sorry, Jongin, more than I can say._

Something tugged at his chest.

 “Chanyeol told me everything,” Suho said, and Jongin knew by everything he meant _everything_. The moment Jongin knew Kyungsoo wasn’t just a stalker, Kyungsoo moving in, Jongin falling in love with him, the fights… Funny how it all seemed to be easily compiled into different parts, like chapters of a book.

“Uh huh.”

“And… I know you were deeply involved emotionally. I know that even right now, you probably still hurt a little, and you might still be thinking about him too. Maybe you’re even thinking about what you could’ve changed, or if there was some way you could fix it.”

Jongin looked out of the car window, watching the sun set over the horizon. Sometimes when he couldn’t sleep, he did think about those things. Most times though, he tried not to.

“But I wanted to tell you Jongin, that the way things worked out couldn’t have been your fault. Sometimes relationships just don’t work the way they should and you should learn to forgive yourself. Which leads me to my question,” Jongin glanced at Suho, “do you forgive yourself?

“Are you trying, at least? Because in my personal experience, if you keep rehashing things over and over in your head, you’re just going to be stuck in the same position—”

“I try,” Jongin said under his breath. Suho fell silent, waiting for Jongin to continue.

“I try, I really do, especially when I find myself reaching out for a drink before realizing that I’m not supposed to drink,” Jongin huffed a laugh.

“But I don’t think forgiveness is in the cards at the moment, because it hurts too much to think about all of it. For now, I just want to _forget_ it ever happened before I consider _forgiving_ things.”

“So you’re saying you’re trying to get to a better place now, right?” Suho asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

“Yeah. I guess life for me got pretty dark when I started drinking, and I thought that I couldn’t talk about it with any of you guys. But I feel more settled, I think. It’s been some time since it all happened so…” Jongin shrugged, “time to put it behind me, and just try to look forward.”

Suho chuckled. “That’s good, Jongin. I mean I don’t wanna jinx it but… it sounds like rehab is a lot more helpful than I thought.”

Jongin scowled at that. It wasn’t so much about rehab as it was about Jongin just looking at things with a different perspective. Besides, it was either going through his emotions or resisting the futile urge to search for alcohol.

“What do they make you do there anyway?” Suho asked, and this time he sounded amused. Jongin laughed to himself.

“A lot of zen stuff. Then there’s a lot of different types of therapy going on, and I get to hear about other people’s dirt.”

“Zen stuff?” Suho echoed.

“Yeah. And there’s a gym too. They have everything you could think of to distract you from whatever reason you’re in rehab for in the first place. I’ve been working out again, y’know, just to build stamina.”

Suho smiled warmly, and Jongin nearly blushed at the pride in Suho’s eyes. Suho was almost like a big brother at times, and this one of those moments where Suho felt more like family than Jongin’s blood relatives ever did. He was forever grateful that Suho was there, whether as a friend or a colleague.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Jongin. You hit rock bottom but now, the only way you can go is up.”

-

For all the shit Jongin gave about his therapist and the yoga sessions he was subject to at the centre, the facilities certainly made up for it.

After Suho had dropped him off and drove back to Seoul with Jongin’s car, Jongin had checked in with the supervisor and gone into his room for a shower.

The rehab centre was expensive, but not without good reason. Jongin could almost pretend it was the Bahamas, what with his private room with a small balcony facing the sprawling green of the gardens surrounding the building. Bushes trimmed to look like animals dotted the expanse, alongside the occasional bench for the residents and the occasional visitor to sit on. There was also a high metal fence in the distance which made Jongin feel like he was in a gilded cage, but only if he was in a bad mood.

Most importantly, he liked the warmth of the place. The wooden finishes, multi-coloured carpets and rattan chairs, combined with the state-of-the-art facilities made Jongin feel like he was on holiday. It calmed him somewhat, and he was allowed to wear flip flops here. No one in Seoul wore flip flops.

Jongin admired the view for a bit, watching the sun sink from its spot in the sky. Soft shades of orange, purple and pink swept over him. It made him feel small and insignificant, yet at the same time, there was something about it that he could accept. Because surely, no matter how terrible things were, dawn would still come.

And it certainly felt that way in Jongin’s heart. What was once a constant ache in his chest was now a dull sensation. Over time, he’d probably feel less painful, and be able to look back at the past as a well-learnt lesson.

Jongin had only just settled on the bed with a book, ready to indulge his poetic mood, before there was a knock on the door. He scowled; there was a towel hanging around his neck and his hair still had little droplets of water in it. Everything kept happening one after another at a pace that Jongin was not fond of.

Reading a book was sacred to him, something he’d rediscovered when he came to this place. Jongin got up reluctantly and opened the door, and found the facility’s supervisor frowning at him.

“Mr. Kim, you have a visitor,” he said, with much distaste.

“I thought visitors weren’t allowed in the evenings,” Jongin replied, one eyebrow lifted slightly. Visitors could only come by in the morning, and Jongin had never received unannounced visits before. His friends usually informed him ahead of time to expect them.

“Is it urgent?” Jongin asked, putting his book down on a nearby chair. The supervisor, a man in his fifties who was kind but absolutely strict on rules, shook his head.

“I don’t think so. Your visitor is rather frantic though. He begged me to let him see you,” he said, his frown deepening.

“He _begged_? Did he… mention his name?” Jongin asked, well and truly irked now. As far as he knew, the public knew that Jongin had suffered a seizure, but they didn’t know that he was in rehab. Suho and the PR team at Accuretta had worked hard to keep it under wraps because rehab wasn’t exactly going to do Jongin’s reputation wonders, especially if the investors found out about it. They’d decided to play it off as a freakish happening that would never happen again.

The supervisor shook his head. “No name, but he wants to see you in private. He even tried to tip me off,” he grunted with displeasure. 

This was getting stranger by the minute. No one had ever asked to see Jongin ‘in private’, and no one he knew was this desperate to see him. Jongin cleared his throat, and forced a smile. “Beg pardon, Mr. Chang, about this visitor of mine. Um, is there any place that I could speak to him privately then?” he inquired, putting on his best innocent face.

Mr. Chang the supervisor pondered for a moment. “I suppose he could speak in your rooms, since the dining room and library is occupied at the moment. Not many people here in the resident wing now, so I could bring him to you, but only for a few minutes at most. I _cannot_ risk the residents finding out,” he said sternly.

Jongin knew he was already bending the rules by leaving the facility on weekdays; he was the only resident who’d managed to get the supervisor’s pardon, thanks to his family name and a very ruthless Jungah. He was pushing his luck as it was now, so he thanked the supervisor fervently.

“Thank you very much, sir. I can assure you that this won’t happen again,” Jongin said, grateful that being famous sometimes had its perks. The supervisor made him go back inside his room, and told him to wait till he returned with Jongin’s mysterious visitor.

“Again, Mr. Kim, the other residents here cannot learn about this,” he warned Jongin with a waggling finger. Jongin nodded obediently, before he shut the door and stood blankly, wondering who his mysterious visitor could be.

Maybe it was Chanyeol who’d just bought the entire S/S Gucci runway collection, and desperately needed a chat with someone who had too much free time on his hands.

 _Or is it dad coming to talk to me?_ Jongin thought. That would be the most unpleasant of surprises, and he’d have to let Mr. Chang know that Mr. Kim Senior was not welcome and would never be. Jongin had no idea what to think.

While he waited, he looked around his room. It looked semi-presentable, since someone always came in to clean up the room. The bed was only a little crumpled from where he’d sat on it, and some books and notes were scattered here and there, but it didn’t look too messy. Jongin had not brought a lot of things over when he came, just some comfy clothes and a few suits for work. He hoped shorts and a loose pyjama top wasn’t too casual for whoever his visitor might be.

The three, quick knocks Jongin had waited for came not a moment too early. He got up to answer it, expecting Mr. Chang to make a whole scene about ushering his visitor into Jongin’s room quickly, but the only person who stood there at his doorway took away the breath in his chest.

Kyungsoo, dressed in slacks and a white tee with a chequered button up thrown over it, stood before Jongin, looking the same as he’d ever looked. He was looking at Jongin with uncertainty, perhaps unsure of how Jongin would react, and he was right to be undecided.

Jongin had no idea what he was supposed to say or do with him.

(He had a mad urge to touch the smooth skin of his cheek, but that wasn’t what exes did to one another, was it?)

“Um,” Jongin blinked.

“I um… H-hello?” Kyungsoo stammered.

Jongin reached out without thinking, to touch Kyungsoo’s arm. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, and the soft sensation of Kyungsoo’s button-up affirmed that this was in fact, reality and not a dream. Kyungsoo looked at him first, then flickered his gaze from side to side nervously. That temporarily snapped Jongin out of his reverie.

“Come in,” Jongin said, nearly pulling him in. He’d nearly forgotten his promise to Mr. Chang. He couldn’t shut the door fast enough, and locked it for extra measure.

Jongin pressed his forehead to the door for a second, then turned to look at Kyungsoo again, and he was still here, looking around Jongin’s room like a lost boy. “I never thought rehab would look like this,” he said, almost thoughtfully. Jongin took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heartbeat.

When he spoke, his voice did not shake, “What are you doing here?”

It came out more bluntly than he intended. Kyungsoo’s mouth parted slightly, as if he too didn’t know what he was doing here, in a private rehabilitation centre in the middle of nowhere.

“I can explain,” he said first. “Please do,” Jongin replied, glad to note that he sounded calmer than he felt. Kyungsoo should not be here, and this was doing things to Jongin, because every time he thought he knew how he felt about their breakup, Kyungsoo would reappear in his life and shake things up again—

“Can we talk, first of all?” Kyungsoo asked. There was a table with two rattan chairs against the wall, and he gestured at one of the seats.

“Sure, you can sit,” Jongin said, and took one of the seats. God, this was more awkward than when he first met his therapist. They were all jerky movements and awkward manoeuvring, as if they were nothing but strangers meeting for the first time. There were no remnants of the past chemistry Jongin knew they had, where sparks flew and Kyungsoo ignited a fire in Jongin’s veins. No, this was almost like meeting a new investor, cold, professional, business-like.

Jongin could not make out at all a reason why Kyungsoo was here. He was the last person Jongin thought would ever come to this place.

Then again, he’s always been someone that Jongin could never figure out completely. Jongin looked at him, and wondered how Kyungsoo could look the same and yet feel like he was a different person from the one that Jongin knew all those months ago.

“I uh, really don’t mean to intrude,” Kyungsoo started, “I know this is private place and all, and the supervisor was really angry when I tried to ask for you.”

“How did you find out about this place?” Jongin asked quietly. He felt a little ashamed inside, that Kyungsoo knew he was in rehab. And if he knew Jongin was staying here, then he knew damn well what got him there in the first place.

“Baekhyun told me,” Kyungsoo replied. Ah, Suho’s ever resourceful personal assistant. No doubt Suho must’ve mentioned it in the office, or maybe he’d poked around a bit to find out. Working for one of the members of the board meant access to a lot of classified information, after all.

“Right,” Jongin nodded. He avoided Kyungsoo’s gaze directly, instead taking in his figure, his hands, down to the scuffs on his shoes. He looked a little thinner, just like he did at the hospital. It almost hurt to look at Kyungsoo, after months of trying to conjure up the details of his face in Jongin’s head. Some wounds just healed a lot slower than the rest.

There was a scar over Kyungsoo’s right hand that Jongin had never seen before, large straggly lines criss-crossing over his knuckles. They were a bit paler than the rest of him, and stood out starkly from where Jongin sat. He must’ve stared a bit too long, because Kyungsoo took his hand away from where he rested it on the table top hastily.

“Uh,” Kyungsoo shifted in his seat nervously.

“What did you… come here for?” Jongin asked, feeling repetitive but saying it anyway because it looked like Kyungsoo needed some help in talking. Even now, Jongin could still recognize these traits in Kyungsoo and both hated and relished in it.

“O-oh, right,” Kyungsoo sat up straight in his seat, “I’d been trying to um— keep track of how you’ve been doing. I-I didn’t think you wanted to see me after what happened at the hospital…” he trailed off for a moment, and they both knew exactly which particular moment he was referring to.

A rush of anger bubbled up in Jongin, and he said, “You mean when you put me to sleep with a healthy dose of morphine?” Kyungsoo flinched as soon as Jongin uttered those words, eyes fluttering down to the ground. It was like they were back at square one when they’d first met, and had to test the ground slowly with one another, see how far they could go without going over the limit.

“I… Yeah,” Kyungsoo rubbed his hand over his scar.

“Well,” Jongin said, rubbing the salt in for both of them, “you’ve seen me. Are you happy now?” 

There was a glimmer in Kyungsoo’s eye when he said that, a look that Jongin recognized and loved because it was from the Kyungsoo whom he knew hid behind hunched shoulders and a bowed head. The real Kyungsoo was different. The one who Jongin thought had loved him had a spark.

“I also wanted to apologize for my behaviour that day,” Kyungsoo said, deciding to let Jongin’s remark pass, “I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I’m sorry.”

Jongin felt a pang of disappointment at that. All this effort to come here, and all he wanted was to say sorry? He didn’t want to pick a fight, but if that was what it took for them to really start talking, Jongin supposed he had nothing to lose.

“Do you feel sorrier than when you left me?” Jongin asked lightly.

Kyungsoo inhaled sharply. His ears turned red, and he looked away from Jongin. “Don’t be such a jerk,” he muttered, so softly that Jongin almost didn’t catch it.

“Well pardon me if I’m being impolite. I just find it hard to believe that you could leave me and still find it in your heart to care about how I’m doing,” Jongin snapped, feeling his anger grow with each word. All it took was a few words from Kyungsoo, honestly, to make Jongin feel unsettled and a little spiteful too.

“I don’t—” Kyungsoo stopped short. He shut his eyes, clearly holding back from speaking out.

“What?” Jongin demanded.

Kyungsoo reopened his eyes, and Jongin could see he’d opened the dam of Kyungsoo’s emotions like the way he did with Jongin.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you,” he stated.

“Yes, you’re here to see how I’m doing. Well, I’m fine, Kyungsoo,” Jongin replied, deliberately forgoing honorifics, “and if that’s all you really came here for then you can leave now. I’m doing just fine,” and he got up to get the door.

“That wasn’t all I came here to say,” Kyungsoo retorted in annoyance, getting up from the chair, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Jongin stopped dead in his tracks.

“Ask me something?” Jongin repeated, “you want to ask me for something after leaving me without good reason? What could you possibly want to know after three good months of leaving me to agonize over you?” he demanded, gritting the words through his teeth.

They stared at each other, for what felt like a long, tense moment. Kyungsoo’s gaze was unwavering, but not quite angry. There was something else that looked like remorse; Jongin’s anger abruptly fizzed out, and he swallowed thickly.

“I didn’t mean for any of those things to happen,” Kyungsoo said, very slowly.

Jongin nodded hastily. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” Jongin blinked away the hot feeling in his eyes.

Kyungsoo took a small step forward. “Jongin, I… I really feel like I owe you an explanation. I mean, I know all the things that happened after I left was partly my fault, and I just wanted to explain,” he bit down hard on his lower lip, hands clenching into small fists. Jongin looked at him.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said to Kyungsoo. What more could Kyungsoo possibly have left to say? There was nothing anymore, if their brief moments at the hospital were anything to go by.

“No, Jongin, _listen_. I know I have no right to— to even be here with you anymore, that went right out the window when I left. I hate just turning up here, unannounced, uninvited, but,” Kyungsoo took a shuddering breath, “you said that you loved me, when we were at the hospital. I-I don’t know why you said it, or if you even meant it, but I—” Kyungsoo broke off, eyes going red and teary. He clamped a hand over his mouth, choking back a sob, and Jongin took a step back. 

His mind raced with a thousand possibilities, a thousand emotions. Jongin didn’t know what he was saying, because it was impossible for him to ever stop loving Kyungsoo. He could leave, he date ten other guys, and Jongin would never be able to find it in himself to really hate Kyungsoo.

“F-fuck,” Kyungsoo rasped, wiping at his eyes with his shaking hands, “I thought I could do this without crying,” he laughed without humour, and Jongin smiled sadly. He never knew he could hold back tears and still find it in himself to smile.

“Kyungsoo, you really don’t have to do this,” Jongin mumbled. It was only reopening old wounds, and Jongin wanted so desperately to heal, because he was so tired of hurting and looking at Kyungsoo like this. He wanted to wipe away Kyungsoo’s tears, but he also wanted to just push him out of the door and scream at him to stay away if that was what it would take for him to completely disappear from his life. Jongin wanted all of Kyungsoo, or he’d have none of him because being in limbo and feeling torn over what to feel for him was honestly the worst thing he’d ever felt.  

“Hyung, we can’t keep… doing this,” Jongin sighed, realizing that it was similar to what Kyungsoo said the last time they met.

“I know,” Kyungsoo replied softly, “but I can’t help it, Jongin. I was going to stay out of your life, and I knew that you were going to stay out of mine too. But I’ve been thinking too much, and I wanted to know, Jongin.”

“Know what?” Jongin frowned slightly.

Kyungsoo laughed bitterly. “It’s so foolish now that I think about it,” he looked up at Jongin, teary-eyed, “but I came because I… I wanted to know if you still love me.”

Jongin’s breath caught in his throat. As if his heart ever had a choice in that matter. Kyungsoo had to be dense to ask him that when Jongin was the one who almost died quite literally from a broken heart. _Of course,_ Jongin wanted to say.

_Of course I fucking do, and I think about you every day because it’s all that keeps me going sometimes._

Jongin took two steps forward and shoved Kyungsoo back onto the bed. He made a noise of surprise in his throat, before Jongin clambered over him and kissed Kyungsoo. His lips were salty with tears and a little chapped too, but softer than Jongin remembered, like the inside of a rose. Jongin kissed his protests away, running his hands over Kyungsoo’s chest and trailing all the way to Kyungsoo’s hands. His body was a familiar course, bumps and curves that his hands could still remember.

Kyungsoo’s fingers curled between Jongin’s, fitting perfectly, and for a breathless moment, Jongin felt complete.

“You said that you loved me,” Jongin murmured, nibbling on Kyungsoo’s lower lip, “but you left.”

Kyungsoo struggled against Jongin. It was useless; Jongin was stronger now, and there were things he wanted to say, things he would always have to say over and over again like a broken record because that was what he was now that Kyungsoo was gone from his life. Repeating day after day, never being able to break out of the pattern thanks to the way Kyungsoo broke his heart so effectively.

“Jongin, I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you,” Kyungsoo tried to move out from underneath him. Jongin only pressed him harder into the mattress, legs on either side of Kyungsoo’s body. He could feel the frantic beat of Kyungsoo’s heart, the heat of his breath against his lips. He missed Kyungsoo, and the way he completed Jongin.

“Then why?” Jongin asked, teething the edge of his jaw and the skin of his neck. Kyungsoo shivered, and Jongin tugged at the collar of his tee to expose more skin.

“You’ll have to explain,” Jongin licked at his throat, “because I don’t think I’m seeing things the way you do.”

“Jongin, stop,” Kyungsoo breathed, a flush colouring his cheeks. Jongin refused, wanting to be contradictory and sucked at a spot on his neck where Kyungsoo couldn’t hide it. Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t love him anymore, but they’d always been good together. He felt Kyungsoo writhing beneath him, and his hands were frantic as he tried to lift up Kyungsoo’s shirt to feel his naked skin.

Kyungsoo suddenly shoved at Jongin, and he jerked back in surprise. “Stop it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo pushed at his shoulder, and this time Jongin noticed that he was crying again.

Jongin moved off of him at once, panting for breath. His lips felt swollen, and he could see the small mark he’d left on Kyungsoo’s neck. He wondered if Kyungsoo was feeling the same as Jongin did; eager but tentative, brave but… afraid of what this meant.

“Maybe you should leave—”

“I left you because I was scared,” Kyungsoo said in a choked voice, sitting up and bringing his knees to his chest. He had his face in his hands, but Jongin was certain he’d heard him correctly.

“What?”

“I left you, Jongin, because I thought you were losing interest in me. I thought we wouldn’t last, and that within a few months you’d forget all about me, but then Chanyeol just had to call, and like the fool I am, I ran to you without even thinking about it and _you said you loved me_.

“And I know you don’t believe it but I love you too, Jongin. I left because I loved you too much and I didn’t want you to break my heart first. I’d die from it, I know it like I know I’m alive so I walked out on you, Jongin. And you don’t deserve someone who treats you like this, but I keep— I keep coming back to you.” Then all Jongin heard was muffled sobbing.

Jongin swayed on his feet, vision swimming.

All that Kyungsoo was saying, the thought of him still loving Jongin never crossed his mind. He’d never had someone break up with him before, and when he did it to his previous exes he’d always done it with the intention of never seeing them again.

Jongin never thought that Kyungsoo could be so _silly_ and insecure. And there was a possibility that Kyungsoo would never really believe it, even after years down the road but Jongin still wanted to be with him, to show Kyungsoo that he had Jongin wrapped around his finger even though he didn’t know it.

His vision cleared up, sharpened to focus on Kyungsoo, who still had his head hidden in his hands. Jongin sat down beside him, pushing his hands away and feeling hot tears on Kyungsoo’s cheeks. He held Kyungsoo’s face in his hands, brushing away the tears that were still flowing from his eyes. Jongin couldn’t believe how much love he could feel for someone this stubborn and this stupid, who couldn’t even see how much he meant to Jongin.

“You told me I was stupid to think that you didn’t love me,” Jongin whispered, “well, you’re cruel, hyung. You’re scared and you won’t let me be with you because of that. You’re selfish and I’m a fool too because I still want you even after all you put me through.”

Kyungsoo’s hand reached up to tangle in Jongin’s hair. Kyungsoo kissed him lightly on the mouth, almost in apology.

“Love me again, hyung,” Jongin breathed, Kyungsoo’s mouth a hair’s breadth away from his, “if you’re sorry about leaving me, about those months I spent nearly trying to kill myself to forget you, if you’re sorry about what you said in the hospital,” Jongin’s hand moved down to Kyungsoo’s throat, “then take me back.”

“It’s not that easy,” Kyungsoo bumped his forehead on Jongin’s.

“Why? Because of that _fucker_ who looks like me?” Jongin moved his hand to card his fingers through Kyungsoo’s jet black hair too, and pulled hard enough for it to hurt. Kyungsoo’s breath hitched.

“Did you find a cheap replacement for me already?” Jongin asked, jealous of the guy who was almost a mirror image of him. He was probably some nobody, someone _safe_ that Kyungsoo could be with. 

“All I see when I look at him is you,” Kyungsoo said, turning his head a little to nuzzle Jongin’s hand. Jongin was sure that he was supposed to be sickened by that, but he only felt satisfaction in knowing that Kyungsoo couldn’t erase him from his mind, just like how Jongin couldn’t think of anyone else but him.

“So you need time, then?” Jongin said, relinquishing his grip on Kyungsoo’s hair. He nosed at Kyungsoo’s neck, inhaling his familiar scent of shampoo and detergent.

“Not exactly…”

Jongin pulled away, looking at Kyungsoo. “This Friday. Come to my office. I leave before 5. If you love me, and you want this to work, hyung,” he laced their fingers together gently, “look for me. I’ll wait.”

“But Jongin, there’s—”

“I don’t _care_ , hyung,” Jongin whispered, “I’m so fed up of living my life the way other people want it to be. And I know that if I had to choose between everything in my life right now and you,” Jongin slid his thumb over Kyungsoo’s cheekbone, “I’d choose you every time.”

“What if I don’t come?” Kyungsoo was breathing hard.

Jongin decided to take a chance and cut all the brakes. What could another rejection from Kyungsoo do to Jongin? He was after all, in a rehab centre. He would just need more therapy, more time to get over it, before he’d push Kyungsoo to the back of his mind…

“You wouldn’t do that to me,” Jongin said plainly.

“My fifteen minutes are up,” Kyungsoo muttered, leaning in to kiss Jongin on the corner of his mouth. Jongin rubbed at the skin on his inner wrist, feeling Kyungsoo’s pulse at his fingertips.

“I love you, hyung,” Jongin whispered, and he meant it. He hoped Kyungsoo could tell.

 

When Jongin watched Kyungsoo leave the centre from his balcony, he saw a car waiting just over the fence, headlights bright in the darkness. The engine was running, and when Jongin squinted, he could see the silhouette of its driver.

Kyungsoo climbed into the passenger seat once he passed the gates, and the lights inside the car came on long enough for Jongin to see that it was that tosser, Taemin, in the driver’s seat.

Jongin backed away from the balcony carefully, then looked at the bed where Kyungsoo had been sitting on mere minutes ago.

There was only a slight chance that Kyungsoo would come, but Jongin hoped to God that he did. His heart was true, honest in its intentions; Jongin had heard that wishes came true if he was sincere and wished hard enough.

*

It was ironic, but Kyungsoo found himself sitting at a bar with Luhan at 2AM, nursing a drink and talking about the most personal, intense thing in his life.

“Wow,” Luhan mouthed, when Kyungsoo hashed the entire meeting out with him.

“That’s… Well, that’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?” he said, and Kyungsoo nodded. He was tired, yawning and tearing up, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he was in a mood like this.

After Taemin had picked him up at the rehab centre earlier, he was surly and cross about the whole thing as he drove Kyungsoo back to Seoul. Kyungsoo knew it was mostly because it was the fact that it was Jongin, which was hard enough for him to swallow on its own. And like a lot of people, Taemin didn’t seem to think that Jongin actually had feelings.

“I don’t see why you should come down to see him. He’s more or less a celebrity, and he has _dozens_ of people to look after him. Heck, I bet he wipes his ass with like, dollar bills. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy,” Taemin had all but growled.

Kyungsoo didn’t bother trying to explain; he liked Taemin enough that he didn’t want to antagonize him. And frankly, his words only caused further turmoil inside of Kyungsoo, which left him brooding over everything.

He couldn’t quite believe that Jongin had asked Kyungsoo to take _him_ back first when Kyungsoo’s intention all along in going to the centre was to beg Jongin for that. Unfortunately, Taemin had a good point, because Kyungsoo would never be the only person in Jongin’s life. 

Jongin might love him, but… how would others take it? A small part of Kyungsoo wished that Jongin wasn’t someone who was so publicly known; he wanted to be openly in love with Jongin. Kyungsoo didn’t want to be his dirty little secret, he wanted to be in as genuine a relationship as possible with him, because Jongin was the best thing that ever happened to him and if this was his second chance, he had to take it… right?

He wanted Jongin, but at what price?

When he finally came home, Kyungsoo didn’t need to say much. The look on his face must’ve been enough to make Luhan drag him out to the local bar in the neighbourhood.

“Forgive me Kyungsoo, but… isn’t Jongin basically asking you for another shot?” Luhan asked, stirring his Bloody Mary. Kyungsoo ordered his second Bacardi and Coke from the bar a while ago; it sat untouched on the table.

“It is, I think,” Kyungsoo replied.

“Then I don’t see why you look unhappy, Kyungsoo. I honestly thought he rejected you or something. If you love him and he’s willing to give this all another go… what’s wrong? What’s up?” Luhan asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Kyungsoo stared into his drink. The dark liquid was almost as dark as his thoughts.

“…It’s like a dream come true,” Kyungsoo admitted reluctantly, “I still love him, and he seems to have feelings for me too but… What does this mean? If I say yes, am I just going to be his secret lover again? I don’t want that,” Kyungsoo frowned.

“I mean I used to be okay with it, but now… I don’t know. I want a chance at normal, y’know? I want to be able to walk down a street with Jongin and not wonder about the damage it’s gonna cause him.”

Luhan smiled ruefully at him. “That’s good, actually, Kyungsoo,” he said, and Kyungsoo cocked his head to one side in confusion.

“You’re… finally realizing what it is you really want,” Luhan went on, “although, if you asked me, I think it’s almost too much work to be in love with someone like Jongin. Face it, y’know, he’s famous. He has a family name that everyone in the nation knows, so you’re always going to be in the public eye.

“But that’s just me, because this is about you, Kyungsoo,” Luhan reached over to hold Kyungsoo’s hand.

He never said anything about the broken mirror and the scars that now marked Kyungsoo’s hand. His touch was soothing and warm; it comforted Kyungsoo some.

 “I wish things weren’t so final,” Kyungsoo said after a beat, “I wish things could be simple… Two people love each other, and that’s it.”

“It’d make things a sight easier, I know,” Luhan laughed, rubbing his thumb over Kyungsoo’s scars. Kyungsoo remembered the look on Jongin’s face when Jongin caught sight of it in his room. He wondered if Jongin had guessed where the scars came from, and whether he thought they were ugly.

They weren’t attractive to Kyungsoo, in any case. It reminded him of how much he missed Jongin and just wanted him back in his life, but the complexity of their situation was never far from his thoughts.

“Listen, listen, Kyungsoo,” Luhan held his hand in between his palms gently, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. You just need to be sure about things by Friday. The rest, if it’s meant to be, will automatically work itself out. All you need to know is if you’re strong enough to love Jongin _and_ put up with all the shit that’s inevitably going to come your way.”

Kyungsoo felt sure. He felt strong, but he didn’t know how long that would last. He looked up at Luhan and forced a smile.

“Thanks, Luhan. And you’re right, I need to think about things,” he said. Luhan smiled back, releasing his grip. He took a sip from his drink, and Kyungsoo followed suit. The fizz in the Coke was all but gone, though its sweetness lingered on Kyungsoo’s tongue.

He was going to have to figure out how he felt about things on his own for the next two days. He couldn’t mess this decision up; there would most likely never be a third chance like this, and he didn’t want to hurt Jongin any more than he already did. _Jongin’s been through enough_ , Kyungsoo thought. It was time to put an end to his suffering.

“Also,” Luhan’s voice interrupted Kyungsoo’s thoughts, “I detected a hint of jealousy when I texted Taemin earlier. He said he was waiting for you while you tried to ‘talk sense into that asshole CEO.’” Luhan lifted his eyebrows questioningly.

Kyungsoo had all but forgotten about him. He cleared his throat guiltily, “Right, about Taemin…”

“You haven’t thought about him, have you?” Luhan asked, a stupid grin on his face.

Not as such. Kyungsoo had thought that keeping things at a strictly platonic and friendly level was enough of an indication to Taemin that Kyungsoo had no interest in pursuing a relationship with him, but Taemin was either thick in the head or was senselessly hopeful.

“I should talk to him tomorrow or something,” Kyungsoo muttered.

“Yes, you probably should. After all, you made him drive out all the way to the outskirts of Seoul just to see your ex who you’re likely to get back with… I mean, it isn’t fair at all, is it?” Luhan asked, and this time he was teasing. Kyungsoo groaned.

“Shut _up_ , Luhan. You refused to drive me out, so how else was I supposed to get there except Taemin? It’d take me days for all I know to just get to the centre,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“I know,” Luhan grinned, “I just wanted to see if you would actually make Taemin do it.”

“Well, I did,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “and I should apologize for that too. After I told him I wouldn’t take that job at Blanc & Eclare, I wasn’t sure he would even answer my calls.”

“Oh please,” Luhan scoffed, taking another sip of his Bloody Mary, “he could be in the bathroom showering and he’d still answer your calls. He’s waiting, you know, for you to say something. He doesn’t want to freak you out ‘cause of your whole ex thing going on but,” Luhan shrugged, “if you asked him out right now, I bet ten bucks he already has a reservation for two at some fancy French restaurant.”

Wasn’t the best thing Luhan could’ve told him, but Kyungsoo supposed he had it coming. The longer he made the both of them, the higher the stakes. And Kyungsoo was only actually in love with one of them.

“Tomorrow,” Kyungsoo vowed, “I’ll text him to go out for lunch and be honest about everything. I’ll be clear and concise, and hopefully, we’ll still be friends in the long run.” Taemin was, after all, quite nice when putting everything else aside. It’d be nice if they could still keep in touch, because he was Luhan’s friend, and he didn’t want to make things awkward for them too.

“Hah,” Luhan laughed lightly, “that’s like saying you still wanna be friends with Hyunsik.”

Kyungsoo put his head in his hands. “Could you _not_ bring him up? In fact, could you not bring up all the people I’ve offended in the past year?” he croaked.

Hyunsik from the office had been nice too, at first. Then he kept asking Kyungsoo out repeatedly, and looking at him like Kyungsoo was something he could eat… The fiasco in the car park had been the last straw for Kyungsoo. He wasn’t good at rejections, but it didn’t mean he wanted to be run over by a car.

Kyungsoo sent Luhan his worst look when he noticed Luhan was still smiling to himself.

“What? It’s good to remind you about it,” Luhan protested, “it’s good for your self-esteem and everything.”

“Nearly being run over by a car and possibly hurt the feelings of someone who has been nothing but nice to me is supposed to be good for my self-esteem?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yes. Builds character,” Luhan huffed. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, but he had a point, sort of. All those other people kept reminding Kyungsoo that there was no one quite like Jongin, no matter how nice or how lovely they were. He’d be a fool to think he would ever meet someone better than Jongin.

*

When Taemin finally replied Kyungsoo’s texts on Thursday night, it was too late for them to meet up.

It would’ve been better for Kyungsoo’s state of mind to have met Taemin on Thursday, but now that he had no choice about it, he’d just have to settle with meeting Taemin on Friday afternoon.

Kyungsoo had given it some serious thought on Thursday as he went about with the house chores, and had decided that it was best to meet Taemin before Friday, so that it didn’t seem like he was leading Taemin on once he unavoidably found out that Kyungsoo was back with Jongin.

Unfortunately for him, Taemin had been swamped with work and promised to make it up to him on Friday at Eté Café, the bakery cum café place where Taemin and Kyungsoo first met. They served decent coffee (which Kyungsoo needed) and Taemin insisted that he would foot the bill; Kyungsoo agreed.

So first thing Friday morning, Kyungsoo put on the best clothes he had in his closet and set out to catch the bus to meet Taemin.

He was ninety percent sure at this point that he was going to see Jongin later in the evening and do anything he wanted or said, if that was what it took for Jongin to take him back… The other ten percent, on the other hand, was slightly unsure about it all. Kyungsoo just wasn’t sure if things would be different this time around.

It’d be pointless, after all, if they got back together and still yielded the same result. It would be madness. But the chance to just be with Jongin again, feel him pull Kyungsoo closer…

Kyungsoo blushed. _Who am I kidding?_ he asked himself. He’d do almost anything to be with Jongin.

He was already sitting at one of the tables in the café by the large windows facing the street. It was just ten minutes before twelve and there wasn’t anyone else in the place except for him, so Kyungsoo had taken his time making his order before Taemin came by. He chose a Danish pastry and a pot of Oolong tea for himself, and splurged on a Frappuccino that he knew Taemin liked.

The staff promised to serve it once Taemin arrived, so all that was left to do was wait.

Kyungsoo tried to think about he was going to bring it up with Taemin. It wouldn’t do to just start off by laying down the facts, of course… Perhaps Kyungsoo could make some light conversation before he really got down to it. Taemin would be curious for sure, since Kyungsoo had never initiated any outings before this.

 _Taemin, you’re a wonderful friend_ , Kyungsoo thought. Maybe with a strong emphasis on ‘friend.’

_Taemin, you’re a good guy and a wonderful friend, but there’s something I need to tell you._

Kyungsoo wondered how Taemin was going to react. There would only be two ways about it; either they would part amicably, or Taemin would want nothing to do with Kyungsoo ever again.

 _Which isn’t something I would blame him for_ , Kyungsoo thought miserably.

But this was something he needed to do. He loved Jongin, and missed him. Kyungsoo refused to be less than whole anymore.

Five minutes after twelve, Taemin’s car turned up. It screeched into a parking lot just beside the café, where Kyungsoo could see Taemin bustling out of it. He had on chiffon shirt on with a large bow at the neck and dark slacks on. It struck Kyungsoo, not for the first time, how he looked to Jongin. Taemin’s hair was mussed up as he rushed into the café, blinking when he noticed Kyungsoo sitting in one corner.

“Taemin,” Kyungsoo greeted with as much enthusiasm as he could manage.

“Hey!” Taemin said, rather loudly, and hugged Kyungsoo when he stood up. Kyungsoo had never been much of a hugger, so he put his arm around Taemin’s back awkwardly and patted him a bit.

“I am so sorry I’m late, Kyungsoo, I had some paperwork at the office to do and before I knew it, it was time,” Taemin said, the words rushing out of him. He pulled back to smile at Kyungsoo apologetically.

“It’s alright,” Kyungsoo laughed, returning to his seat. Truth be told, he was thankful that Taemin was a little late. It gave him time to think about how he was going to go about this delicate matter. Kyungsoo motioned for the staff to bring over his order.

“I ordered ahead if you don’t mind,” Kyungsoo told Taemin. He adjusted the bow around his neck, straightening the two strips of black that came down his chest.

“Oh no, I don’t mind at all. I haven’t been here since the last time we came,” Taemin said, looking a little flustered as he smiled. Kyungsoo felt a twinge of guilt; Taemin probably thought this was a date. Perhaps Kyungsoo shouldn’t have chosen a table that could only seat two at a time. It made them look intimately close when Kyungsoo was in fact, about to push Taemin away.

“So? How’s work? Have you found anything yet?” Taemin asked brightly. Kyungsoo shook his head.

“No…” Kyungsoo rambled a bit about how he couldn’t find a job still, and apologized about not taking up Taemin’s offer on that job in Blanc & Eclare. He still wasn’t sure how Taemin really felt about that, because Kyungsoo’s sole reason for rejecting it was “I’m not a fashion person.” Not the most solid of reasons, but Taemin would probably thank Kyungsoo for not taking it up in the next minute or so.

“Honestly, Kyungsoo, it’s okay,” Taemin laughed. The waitress brought over their drinks and Kyungsoo’s Danish pastry just then, allowing him to fervently push down the urge to blush.

“Ooh, you remembered,” Taemin said in surprise when he picked up his drink.

“That’s what friends do,” Kyungsoo said, without looking at Taemin. There was a moment of silence while he pretended to take a few bites of the pastry. Kyungsoo wondered when he would ever stop disappointing people around him.

Taemin was sipping on his drink and looking around the café when Kyungsoo finally scrounged up the courage to look up at him. He was mostly eyeing the pictures of bread, pastries and coffees hung on the wall that Kyungsoo had snapped.

Kyungsoo had felt a bit shy when he walked in earlier and saw his work hanging from the walls. No one apart from Jongin, Luhan and Baekhyun had ever really seen the photos he’d taken, and it was different then because those were pictures of Jongin. He’d never really done still-life images before.

“I like the colours in that one,” Taemin pointed at a picture of a cup of coffee with the shape of a leaf in the foam. The colours were particularly rich and dark, and Kyungsoo rather liked it too. Though it could’ve been better if the cup was angled slightly to the left…

“You’re a really good photographer,” Taemin said, softer than usual.

Kyungsoo blinked. “U-um. Thanks,” he muttered back. Oh Jesus, this was going to be harder than he thought.

“Anyway, um,” Kyungsoo cleared his throat before the conversation could take another unexpected turn. He had to do this properly, or else Taemin would misunderstand the whole point of Kyungsoo dragging him out here.

“Yeah?” Taemin sipped at his drink again. It left a thin line of foam over his upper lip, though he had the sense to wipe it off on his own. (Kyungsoo wasn’t about to do the thing and wipe it off for him, friends or not.)

“I called you today because I— I really need to tell you something,” Kyungsoo said, trying to force a smile.

Taemin’s face dimmed for a moment. He looked back down at his drink, lips pursed. “I had thought so. I was hoping you didn’t,” he said.

“Didn’t?” Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows together in question.

“I was hoping you didn’t actually have anything in particular to say,” Taemin huffed a laugh, except his smile was a little sad, “I’d hoped that you just wanted to spend time with me and… nothing more.”

By God, now Kyungsoo truly felt bad. He wanted to reach out and pat Taemin’s hand, but he didn’t know what kind of message that would send. Uncertain, Kyungsoo kept his hands to himself, squirming in his seat anxiously.

“I-I suppose I know why you hoped for that. I haven’t been completely blind to… some of the things that have been happening.”

Taemin grinned at that, one that was so much like Jongin that Kyungsoo’s breath caught in his chest for a moment. It felt like he was turning down Jongin, rather than Taemin who only looked like Jongin.

“Then my efforts haven’t been for nothing,” Taemin said, a pleased smile playing on his mouth.

Kyungsoo burned a bright red at that. So Taemin really did fancy him, and this wasn’t all some sort of misunderstanding that could be swept under the rug. Kyungsoo struggled with his next words, “I… Well, I wouldn’t be so quick to say that.”

Taemin shrugged. “I knew you weren’t over your ex. I understood that you needed y’know. Space, before you could jump back into the dating wagon. But of course, you have to imagine yourself in my shoes when I found out who he was at the hospital…” Taemin’s upper lip curled in distaste. Kyungsoo honestly didn’t know how to make things better at that point.

“Y-yeah. And you’re not gonna like it but this is… also partly about him,” Kyungsoo said, feeling sick to the stomach. He hated doing this.

“Everything’s always about him,” Taemin mumbled. Kyungsoo chose not to comment on that.

“I’m—I don’t feel that way for you, Taemin,” Kyungsoo said, gripping his seat tightly with his hands, “which is why I can’t date you. But it isn’t your fault, because you’re a wonderful person, regardless and if you still want to have wild karaoke nights with Luhan after this, I’d still say yes,” Kyungsoo said, almost pleadingly, “we can still be friends.”

“But that’s all it’ll ever be, isn’t it?” Taemin said. He’d lost his smile, and looked— to Kyungsoo’s surprise— quite different from Jongin after all.

His face was a little rounder when he didn’t smile, and the light brought out the curved planes of his face. The sunlight filtering in from the large windows behind him made him look fairer than he already did. Jongin was all sharp angles, crooked smiles and bronzed, tan skin; Taemin _was_ beautiful, just not in the same way as Jongin.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said, a moment too late.

Taemin didn’t answer, just looked down at his drink. Kyungsoo had lost his appetite now, the remaining half of his Danish pastry going cold.

“…You gonna get back together with him?” Taemin asked in a low voice.

Kyungsoo almost couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know the answer to that question for sure. He didn’t know if he was even supposed to say that he was _thinking_ about it.

But his silence seemed to be a good enough answer to Taemin, and he looked at Kyungsoo once more. This time, he looked more angry than sad.

“I don’t know what you see in Jongin, Kyungsoo. Honestly. He’s playing with you, just like he’s played with all the girls from hostess clubs and whatnot. And Luhan told me you broke up with him because you were afraid of him losing interest in you. I didn’t get it at first, but now that I know who he is, you’re right to be afraid, Kyungsoo. Because that’s what guys like him are _always_ bound to do.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t manage a poker face fast enough. He was hurt that Taemin could say that, but it also hurt more because Kyungsoo knew what he meant.

It was something that he would always be afraid of, whether or not Jongin vowed that Kyungsoo was his one and only. Jongin had all the options he could ever want in the world… There was no real reason for him to be with Kyungsoo.

“I’m done with this,” Taemin snapped, getting out of his seat.

“W-what? Wait, Taemin!” Kyungsoo tried to grab him, but Taemin was already walking towards the exit of the café. In less than five seconds, he’d already left and gotten into his car. Kyungsoo didn’t need to get up to know that by the time he made it out of the café as well, Taemin would be gone.

Kyungsoo looked down at their table.

Taemin’s Frappuccino was only half-finished, and Kyungsoo hadn’t even taken a sip of his tea. His Danish pastry still had a good few bites left. The staff manning the counter tried hard not to look at him.

He sighed. Kyungsoo gulped down as much tea as he could and finished off his Danish pastry. He left with a muttered thanks to the staff. At least there was no one around in the café to witness Taemin storming off like that. Kyungsoo knew he looked like a useless boyfriend as he walked out.

Kyungsoo had thought that he would stay in the café till 4 and catch the bus just in time to meet Jongin at 5. But Taemin had laid waste to Kyungsoo’s confidence, and Kyungsoo was once again, unsure. He walked down the street to the bus stop.

He was going home.

-

At 2PM, Kyungsoo stumbled into the apartment, looking for something he could scream into.

He tried really hard not to cry, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t cry. Kyungsoo had thought that he’d cried enough when he met Jongin at the rehab centre, but obviously not.

He cried countless tears into his pillow, muffling his sobs and wallowed in his misery. He was tired, so _fucking_ tired of hurting people and never being able to be happy without some sort of consequence.

By 4PM his tears were all but dried, because there was nothing left for him to cry. His throat was dry and his eyes were puffy, but he stayed in bed, wishing that a meteor would just hit the building and take him out with it so he could be done with this life.

 _I can’t do it,_ Kyungsoo thought, looking at the one photo he had of Jongin hidden under his pillow. He’d tossed his entire collection the other day with Luhan’s help, but kept the first photo he ever snapped of Jongin.

It was dawn at the time, and he had been awfully surprised to see Jongin walking the streets of Hongdae. The soft light of dawn was just enough illumination for him to see by, and Jongin had looked like the most beautiful person Kyungsoo had ever seen. He still was, actually. _And that kind of beauty isn’t meant for people like me to have_ , Kyungsoo thought.

It wasn’t right to be selfish and want Jongin for his own.

Kyungsoo buried his face into the pillows, trying to fall asleep. He was parched for water but couldn’t find the strength to get up. He just wanted to sleep the hours away so he could forget that he ever had an appointment with Jongin, and just get on with the rest of his miserable life.

He would hurt, and Jongin would hurt, but this time Jongin was prepared for it. He could forget about Kyungsoo forever, and move on, while Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo didn’t want to ever love again.

 _“Love me again, hyung,”_ Jongin had said. He had been so breathlessly close and yet so far away that Kyungsoo wanted to tug at him and just wrap himself up in Jongin’s arms.

_“If you’re sorry about leaving me, about those months I spent nearly trying to kill myself to forget you, if you’re sorry about what you said in the hospital… then take me back.”_

Did Jongin really spend all that time thinking about Kyungsoo? During particularly masochistic moments, Kyungsoo daydreamed about Jongin thinking of him, missing him, and it made him ache inside. Nothing quite lit him up like the thought of Jongin’s love. Kyungsoo crushed the photo in his hand. God, he loved Jongin.

The phone out in the living room suddenly began to ring.

Kyungsoo looked up from his pillow, checking the time. Four thirty. He’d hoped that time would pass by faster, but it seemed determined to go slow.

He clambered out of bed on numb feet, rushing out into the living room.

“Hello?” he answered the phone breathlessly.

“Kyungsoo?” Luhan said on the other line.

“Yes? Who else could it be?” Kyungsoo snapped.

“Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d be out by now.”

Kyungsoo felt tears well up in his eyes again. They felt swollen, so he swallowed the lump in his throat thickly and said, “No. I’ve decided not to go.” He was determined not to cry anymore about this.

There was an ashen silence from Luhan. “Pardon? You’ve decided not to go? As in you’re not going to go after Jongin?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo said, the admission bitter on his tongue.

“Have you been crying?” Luhan asked.

“Does it matter?” Kyungsoo replied crossly.

He’d thought that Luhan wouldn’t say anything much except to support Kyungsoo’s decision. Instead, Luhan screamed, “Christ, Kyungsoo, you fucking _idiot_!”

“Shut up, Luhan, I’ve decided that I’m not strong enough for this shit!” Kyungsoo shouted back, “and there’s nothing you can say to change my mind. I’m done with it, Lu, I’m not going back to him.”

“Kyungsoo! For fuck’s sake would you _listen_ to yourself!” Luhan yelled.

“What?!” Kyungsoo screamed back hoarsely. It felt good to scream, but it really was starting to hurt his throat.

“I thought you understood the other day! I thought you finally put your foot down and knew what you wanted!” Luhan yelled. “I do,” Kyungsoo said, feeling a sob coming on.

He covered his mouth. He didn’t want Luhan to know he was crying. “Then what the hell, Soo? You want your man, go get him,” Luhan screeched, hurting Kyungsoo’s ears. Kyungsoo couldn’t take it anymore. He hung up and ripped the cord out of the phone. It fell limply to the ground, and even though Kyungsoo felt unbearably guilty, he flung the phone aside.

He didn’t care if it was broken. No one ever fucking called except Luhan to check and make sure he was alive anyway.

Kyungsoo crawled back under the covers, this time with a bottle of hot water to soothe his throat. He drank half of it in frantic gulps, then collapsed onto the mattress. This day could not get any worse.

Kyungsoo lay in a daze. He was mostly lost in his thoughts, thinking about the time when Jongin brought him to the beach, and when they spent Christmas at the library. Kyungsoo had been so close to giving up too back then, but he held on because Jongin had been so sweet and sincere.

He remembered when Jongin had been drunk and confessed something that he’d never said to Kyungsoo before. It had been the catalyst to everything that happened after that. Kyungsoo had never been quite able to shake it off. Then Jongin had been distant, and Kyungsoo had thought that maybe it was time that they ended things after all…

But he thought about the way Jongin looked at him sometimes when he thought Kyungsoo didn’t notice. He thought about the way he’d never scorned Kyungsoo for his insecurities and always tried to protect him from himself, loved him despite his imperfections. Jongin had always tried for him, and Kyungsoo… Well, Kyungsoo was always three steps forward, and five steps back.

 _He’s always tried_ , Kyungsoo closed his eyes.

_And I try, but it never seems to be enough._

Kyungsoo reopened his eyes. He could hear the sound of traffic faintly on the streets. It was probably five now, or a little after. Jongin would probably be waiting in his office, dressed in a smart suit with his hair slicked up. He’d be working on something, and he’d look at the clock and furrow his brows slightly…

Kyungsoo sat up in bed.

Luhan was right. _Fuck, Luhan’s_ right, Kyungsoo thought, feeling wide awake.

What the fuck was he doing? Between them, Jongin was the one who had more to lose. And yet, he was the one who made more effort on his part than Kyungsoo ever did. He had an empire, a company, millions of dollars to lose.

 _What the fuck, Kyungsoo?_ If he hadn’t smashed his mirror that day, he would’ve done it now.

“I’m an idiot,” Kyungsoo said aloud, struggling out of bed. Yes, it was too much work to be with Jongin. And Kyungsoo was never made for being in the spotlight, but he remembered a truth from long ago when he first realized that Jongin was interested in him. He had forgotten it, and it was 5:15PM now but there was still time. He knew where Jongin would be anyway, would chase him down because he knew now that he didn’t want to be lost anymore.

He loved Jongin, and everything else would fall into place.

Kyungsoo couldn’t get his clothes back on fast enough.

-

7PM.

Kyungsoo practically skipped out of the bus, running into the main entrance of the Accuretta building. The security guards seemed to vaguely recognize him still, and didn’t bother to stop him. He ran to the elevator, jabbed the button and took a few steps back to look up at the top floor.

Usually, the corridor lights would be turned off if there was no one else on a particular floor. He couldn’t be very sure, but it looked like the lights at the top four floors were still on. Whether Jongin was still in the office however, was another question entirely.

 _It could be Sehun up there, or Suho_ , Kyungsoo thought. Regardless, he had to check. He couldn’t just leave things to chance anymore.

The elevator dinged about a minute later, signalling its arrival.

He entered the lift and hit the appropriate button. He checked his watch again; 7:03PM. Kyungsoo might make it, if he hurried. For all he knew, maybe Jongin had not left.

The elevator doors slid shut at an agonizingly slow pace. Then it jolted, and Kyungsoo began rise through the building, the ground floor rapidly shrinking as he stared out the transparent walls of the elevator. There were only the cleaners around now, milling about and polishing windows.

The chances that Jongin was still at his office were getting slim.

It wasn’t that Kyungsoo couldn’t go to the rehab centre if Jongin wasn’t at the office. He was afraid of what his tardiness meant, that he wasn’t serious enough about this. He could walk his way to the rehab centre, but if Jongin didn’t want anything to do with him then there’d be no point at all.

Finally, he reached Jongin’s floor. To his dismay, the entire level was shrouded in darkness and shadows. The only source of light came from the emergency stairs behind a door to his far left. But Kyungsoo didn’t mind the pain that came with hope. God no, he couldn’t stop hoping even if his life depended on it.

 _Maybe, maybe_ , he thought desperately.

So Kyungsoo exited the lift and walked past Sehun’s desk. Usually, he’d be stopped by this point because no one could traipse into Jongin’s office unless they had the authority to do so.

What Kyungsoo wouldn’t give right now to be stopped; at least then he’d know Jongin was there.

He tried opening the sliding door to peep into the office. No such luck. It was sealed or something; just pushing or shoving at it wouldn’t get it to open. Kyungsoo went back to Sehun’s desk to see if there was a button or a remote he could use to get it to slide open. He could see only grey darkness through the frosted glass of the sliding door, but maybe. _Maybe_.

Nothing turned up at Sehun’s desk. There must’ve been a way for him to slide open the door to allow guests or visitors in, but wherever it was, Kyungsoo had no idea. Kyungsoo’s hands were shaking now as he tried to push the door open one last time.

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath. He was too late.

This couldn’t be the way things ended between them. No, it couldn’t end, because it would kill Kyungsoo. He rattled the door once more, tried prying it out of the frame. Kyungsoo finally hit the glass with his scarred hand, shouting in pain when his hand protested. The muscles in his hand were still tender, but nothing hurt more than the fact that he was too fucking late.

 _As usual_ , Kyungsoo thought, resting his head on the glass. He would never see Jongin again. His hand stung and throbbed like a nicked vein.

This had been his final chance, his only chance to prove to Jongin that he did want to be with him, and that he did love him enough to forget the rest. Kyungsoo couldn’t even bring himself to cry. So he laughed instead, bitterly to himself. He’d cried too much already in the afternoon. He’d spent all of his sorrow.

 _Maybe tomorrow it’ll hit me_ , Kyungsoo thought, knowing it would. Maybe not now, maybe not tonight, but _sometime_. It was a promise his broken heart would always keep. Each day without Jongin, each passing hour, Kyungsoo was painfully aware of it like living without his heart. 

Kyungsoo slumped to the ground, defeated.

His watch told him that it was now 7.07PM. Even if he ran down all the stairs in record time, he’d still miss the 7.10PM bus heading to the nearest stop by Jongin’s rehab centre. All that useless thinking and waiting at home, and now he was paying the price for it.

He didn’t know how long he sat there for.

Kyungsoo was content to stay till the next day. There was nothing for him to lose; Kyungsoo had an unfortunate excess of time on his hands, time that he would probably spend alone for the rest of his life.

There was a beep. His head snapped up to attention. It had been so soft, Kyungsoo wondered if he’d imagined it. He scrambled up and twisted to look up at the sliding door. He could’ve been imagining it but… it sounded a lot like it came from inside Jongin’s office.

With a quiet hiss, it slid open.

Jongin stepped out, white-faced. He looked like he couldn’t believe Kyungsoo was there, just as Kyungsoo couldn’t believe Jongin was here too. _It’s too dark for him to be in there_ , Kyungsoo thought. _How long had he been waiting?_

Jongin’s collar was undone and his tie hung around his neck loosely. He looked dishevelled, as if he’d just woken up but Kyungsoo didn’t think he’d ever seen Jongin look this good.

“J-Jongin?” Kyungsoo whispered, afraid to break the silence.

“Hyung,” Jongin licked his lips nervously. Kyungsoo got to his feet and launched himself at Jongin.

“Jongin, Jongin, I’m so sorry I’m late,” Kyungsoo could feel tears brimming at his eyes, even though it should’ve been impossible for him to cry. Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo, crushing him.

“ _Hyung_ ,” he whispered into Kyungsoo’s ear.

“I’m sorry I was late, Jongin, I… I took too long to decide, but I came because I remembered how much I’ve regretted that night when I walked out on you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo inhaled his faint cologne as he wrapped his hands around and over Jongin’s back. He missed the way he fit into Jongin’s arms perfectly, his mouth tasting the salt of his skin at his neck. Or was it his own tears?

“I don’t care what happens, Jongin. I don’t care anymore because I’ll be with you. We’ll be together,” Kyungsoo said, moving back to cup Jongin’s face. Jongin still looked pale and wan, but God, he was beautiful. Kyungsoo wanted to pray every day for the rest of his life and thank God for Kim Jongin.

“Jongin, say something,” Kyungsoo begged, “Will you let me stay? Here, with you?”

Jongin didn’t answer for a long moment, looked like he could not speak.

“I… I thought you’d never come,” he said softly.

Kyungsoo placed his forehead on Jongin’s, inching up on his tip toes. _Jongin, Jongin, Jongin_ , he thought, closing his eyes. _I could never in a million years be without you._

*

Jongin shoved Kyungsoo onto the bed, climbing over him not a second later. Kyungsoo’s frantic hands practically tore at Jongin’s clothes, and he couldn’t choose between touching Kyungsoo or removing his hands momentarily to let Kyungsoo undress him.

But none of this real, Jongin didn’t think he could ever touch Kyungsoo like this again, so he decided to be a little selfish and ran his hands up Kyungsoo’s shirt, feeling him shudder. He didn’t even know how they made it through the fifteen-minute ride from the office to his apartment, only knew that he had to have Kyungsoo _now_.

Kyungsoo couldn’t stop placing closed-mouthed kisses wherever he could reach; on Jongin’s lips, his jaw, his collarbone… Jongin couldn’t believe he ever thought Kyungsoo never loved him.

He seemed impatient to feel Jongin’s bare skin, just as Jongin wanted to memorize the planes of Kyungsoo’s body again and never forget a single detail. In case Kyungsoo changed his mind tomorrow, in case the sky fell upon them and this was their last time, Jongin wanted to remember it all. Everything, down the moles scattered over Kyungsoo’s neck and the scars on his hand.

“Don’t make me wait,” Kyungsoo muttered when Jongin tried to return Kyungsoo’s kisses, one by one. Jongin acquiesced to him, unbuttoning Kyungsoo’s shirt and flinging it open to reveal his chest. There was no shame in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he met Jongin’s gaze; it made Jongin swallow and his erection hard.

Jongin didn’t bother taking off all of his clothes, only undid his pants and pushed them aside. Kyungsoo crawled to the bedside dresser and found the bottle of lube that had gone untouched for all the months Kyungsoo had been away.

Jongin prepped him slowly, getting to his knees and turning Kyungsoo’s face towards his direction to kiss him. Sex with Kyungsoo never felt this filthy, with Jongin’s fingers fitting up Kyungsoo’s ass and his tongue in Kyungsoo’s mouth, swallowing Kyungsoo’s moans and tasting the lust on his tongue. Jongin barely managed to fit three fingers into him before Kyungsoo pushed away his hand and inched closer, grabbing hold of Jongin’s cock and pushing it past his entrance.

Jongin’s hands shook as he gripped Kyungsoo’s arms with bruising force, watching Kyungsoo sink down onto his cock. They were hardly in the most comfortable position but clearly Kyungsoo didn’t care anymore. He sat with his entire weight on Jongin’s haunches, panting and bouncing lightly. Jongin tried to remember to breathe, to move. There was nothing he could think of past the haze of pleasure.

Kyungsoo began use the momentum of his movements to bounce a little harder, the mattress helping with the motion of it. Jongin gathered himself just enough to nudge Kyungsoo forwards just a bit, then planted his hands on the bed and began to thrust into Kyungsoo, listening to his muffled grunts and sighs.

They moved, in rhythm and in tandem, chasing the edge they both needed. It was quick, but not nearly enough. Jongin pulled at Kyungsoo’s hair when he felt Kyungsoo jolt just before he came, and thrust harder into him.

Kyungsoo whined, keened, dropped his head and pushed back at Jongin, and yet still it wasn’t enough. Jongin was sweating when they approached their second orgasm, and it was merciless as it burned out in Jongin’s veins. Jongin’s knuckles went white as he gripped Kyungsoo’s waist through it, and finally he fell onto the bed, spent.

Kyungsoo cuddled up to him, brushing the wet strands of his hair out of his eyes and whispering, “I love you,” over and over again. Jongin kissed him hard, hooking a leg over Kyungsoo’s torso and tugging him close. He wanted to stay this way forever, to be tangled so deeply with Kyungsoo that he could never cut himself loose. 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Jongin traced the scars over Kyungsoo’s hand with a finger, humming a tune under his breath. Kyungsoo was staring at him, he knew, and for that Jongin kept his face perfectly neutral. He wanted Kyungsoo to know that he was merely curious about its peculiar pattern, criss-crosses as if something razor sharp had sliced past the skin.

“When did you get this?” Jongin asked.

“That day, when I came to the hospital,” Kyungsoo replied, “I saw my reflection in the mirror, and I didn’t like what I saw.”

Jongin kissed the scar. Kyungsoo pecked a kiss on his forehead in return, nosing at Jongin’s still damp hair. Minutes ago, it had felt like they had run out of time. Now, it felt like they had all the time in the world, just lying under the covers.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?” Jongin blinked.

“What were you up to while I was gone?” Kyungsoo clarified, his fingers climbing a trail on Jongin’s arm.

Jongin laughed. “Nothing terribly fun. I spent a lot of time in the office, just to get away from the apartment.”

“And some time at Club Red too, I noticed,” Kyungsoo sniffled. Jongin chucked him under the chin, smiling. “So you _can_ be jealous.”

“Of course I can be,” Kyungsoo replied, poking at Jongin’s bottom lip.

“Don’t be,” Jongin said, “I had a little dirty fun here and there, but I never slept with anyone. I haven’t been unfaithful,” he nuzzled Kyungsoo’s nose.

“Good, because I haven’t either, despite what you think about Taemin,” Kyungsoo whispered, kissing Jongin. Jongin kissed him back for a moment, nibbling on his lower lip. A week ago, the thought of Taemin made something ugly coil deep in Jongin’s gut. Now, he could hardly remember how he looked.

“Did you try to go out with him?” Jongin asked, out of curiousity.

“No. He wanted me to, though,” Kyungsoo grimaced. Jongin frowned.

“But he was nothing like Hyunsik, right?”

“Oh no, he wasn’t,” Kyungsoo shook his head, “he was… nice. He was fine. It was me,” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin, “I couldn’t date someone when I knew my heart wasn’t in it.”

“Hmm,” Jongin smiled, “lucky me.”

Kyungsoo smacked his chest lightly, tutting at him. “I forgot what a pain it was to talk to you,” he said with a shy smile.

“I forgot what it was like to have you like this,” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo turned pink.

“Shut up,” he muttered quietly. Jongin did, but he couldn’t resist grinning at Kyungsoo. He traced Kyungsoo’s cheekbone, feeling the heat of his blush. Kyungsoo was so full of contradictions, Jongin had no idea how he could _not_ be in love with him.

“What are we gonna do?” Kyungsoo asked, after a moment of silence.

“After?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

Jongin shrugged. He didn’t know where they had to go from here on out. He didn’t know how he was going to break it to his friends, or whether they were going to keep things on the down low or possibly just drop the entire act and tell everyone the truth.

“I don’t want to be… your secret anymore,” Kyungsoo said, a little unsteadily, “I mean I love you, but the longer we hide things, the worse it’s going to be when everything finally comes out.”

Jongin fingered Kyungsoo’s chin, looking at the determination in his eyes. “I know. And I won’t do that to you anymore,” he answered, “I’ll find a way for us. There has to be some kind of way.”

Kyungsoo looked grateful, relieved when Jongin said that. He pressed Jongin’s hand to his cheek, feeling the warmth and the calloused surface of his palm. “I know there will be,” he breathed, “I know it like I know that I’m here with you now, and it’s all I’ll ever need.”


	27. we tried the world (good God, it wasn't for us)

Jongin watched as Kyungsoo worked in the kitchen to prepare a simple breakfast. He sat there, thinking about how right it felt to have Kyungsoo with him, and to be able to watch him do the most menial of things.

After months of little to no stimulation, having Kyungsoo in his apartment was like a dream. He was even dressed the way Jongin always imagined him; one of Jongin’s tees, snug boxers that showed far too much thigh to be decent. Kyungsoo was just putting bread into the toaster, and looked over his shoulder to smile at Jongin.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to eat me,” Kyungsoo replied, laughter in his voice.

“Fine, then I’ll look at you like this,” Jongin said, putting his elbows on the table and propping his chin with his hands. He widened his eyes and batted his eyelashes at Kyungsoo, making him roll his eyes in exasperated amusement.

“Do you like it when I look at you like this? All moony and girly?” Jongin asked in a childish voice. Kyungsoo threw the empty bread packet at him.

Jongin swatted it aside, lifting an eyebrow at him.

“Domestic abuse already?”

“Shut it. You’re making me feel nervous,” Kyungsoo laughed, going over to fall into Jongin’s arms. He leaned heavily onto Jongin, arms wrapped around his shoulders. Jongin never felt so warm, never thought about how a person’s embrace could fill his heart to the brim. Jongin inhaled Kyungsoo’s scent, familiar and new after all those months. He’d missed a lot about him.

“Why would you feel nervous?” Jongin asked softly, hands on Kyungsoo’s hips.

“Nervous because of the future,” Kyungsoo replied, moving away to cup Jongin’s face, “nervous because now I know what it feels like to be without you.”

“Mm, such a worrier,” Jongin teased, pecking him quickly. Kyungsoo bopped him on the nose playfully.

“I’m serious,” Kyungsoo insisted, though he was still smiling, “you’re looking at me like that and it makes me feel things. It scares me.”

“Understandable, but I don’t see why we can't have this conversation over toast and eggs. I’m hungry,” Jongin complained, tickling Kyungsoo’s waist lightly with his fingers. Kyungsoo chortled, skipping out of the way at once. He nearly tripped over his feet, and Jongin made to catch him but Kyungsoo found his balance just in time by grabbing onto the nearest wall. They burst into breathless laughter.  

“You’re a hazard,” Kyungsoo declared, cheeks pink from laughing so hard. Jongin couldn’t stop laughing, clapping like a seal in his seat.

“I hate you. Make your own breakfast,” Kyungsoo groused. But because he was very bad at keeping to his word and Jongin had very convincing hands, they both ended up with toast and sunny side up eggs on their plates fifteen minutes later. Jongin began an intense game of footsie under the table while Kyungsoo stabbed at his eggs with a fork.

The counter was still covered with a fine layer of dust, but Kyungsoo didn’t seem to mind for once. They had woken up late today, and both of them had lingered in bed till the growling in their stomachs became too much to handle.

Jongin was too lazy to get dressed properly, so Kyungsoo volunteered to call for some basic groceries to be sent to Jongin’s apartment, otherwise they’d probably be dying of hunger by now. In the meantime, Jongin had to make a call to the rehab centre to let them know he wouldn’t be stopping by, but he’d be safe and he had someone to make sure he wouldn’t drink. Kyungsoo had to pretend to be Sehun for a while, and after that, they had the whole day to themselves.

 And call Jongin smitten, but Kyungsoo made the best damned eggs in the world. If it were up to Jongin, he’d smother everything in ketchup by now.

“Now that we’re eating our breakfast,” Kyungsoo said, kicking Jongin’s foot away. Jongin’s attacks never ceased under the table, trying to grapple Kyungsoo’s leg in a death grip.

“Yes?” Jongin said sweetly, crunching on toast.

“Can we have a serious discussion? A really serious one?” Kyungsoo said, trying to appear stern.

“Okay. Do you think our president should be impeached?” Jongin replied. Kyungsoo _really_ kicked him then, but laughed so loud Jongin felt his heart clench in his chest. _I should’ve chased after him a long time ago,_ Jongin thought, gaze lingering on the pink of Kyungsoo’s lips and the shape of his smile. He couldn’t believe it took him this long to figure his heart out.

“Serious talk for real,” Jongin cleared his throat when Kyungsoo settled down. He ate his breakfast diligently, placing eggs on his toast. Kyungsoo struggled to get his straight face on as well, shifting food around his plate to get his thoughts in order.

“Right. This isn’t something we can really shove under the carpet anymore,” Kyungsoo said.

“Er, I’d say that there was a lot that we never got around to discussing,” Jongin grimaced. But it felt like he knew where this conversation was going. If they were to be together, they had to start thinking more strategically, instead of just hiding and pretending that everything was fine. Jongin wasn’t afraid anymore.

“Well, I think we should start with… I don’t know. Breaking the news to our closest friends and family?” Kyungsoo shrugged. He was trying to be blasé, as usual, but Jongin saw right through his act.

“I mean, we could start slow, maybe just let them know we’re… gay. My family knows, of course, but they don’t know I’m seeing you. And maybe that can come later, but I think it’s a step in the right direction… What do _you_ think?” Kyungsoo said. 

Jongin chewed on his toast thoughtfully. “I don’t see any other way to bring the matter up, so yes, I do think it’s a great start. And if you don’t mind telling them that I’m gay for you, then I don’t mind if you wanna tell people that you’re gay for me,” Jongin quirked an eyebrow. Coming out would eventually bring those sorts of questions anyway. Best to get them all out of the way.

“Well, when you put it that way,” Kyungsoo bit on his lip shyly. He nibbled on some egg, and Jongin hummed contentedly. After a beat, something struck Kyungsoo. 

“I’m a little worried about your family though, Jongin. You’re sure you wanna do this?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin liked the confidence in his voice. There was no insecurity about him being involved with Jongin, just a concern for Jongin’s welfare. He reached for Kyungsoo’s hand.

“They can’t do anything to me,” Jongin replied, “at worst, my parents disown me. But we’re already basically estranged anyway, so that’s nothing new. And I doubt my sisters would care about me being gay. They have their own lives, and this wouldn’t really affect them all that much.” Kyungsoo looked apologetic, and squeezed his hand.

“And what about after?” Kyungsoo asked, softer this time, “when you don’t have a family, and I don’t have a place of my own?”

“Crash at Sehun’s place?” Jongin chuckled. Kyungsoo gave him a half-smile. “I’m kidding. We’ll figure it out, Soo. I don’t need a big apartment anyway. We could live in one of those tiny neighbourhoods like the one you used to live in—”

“No,” Kyungsoo interrupted him, “too many stairs. I don’t want to have to carry you all the way up to our house every day.” Jongin toed at Kyungsoo’s ankles, grinning.

“Demanding, as usual.”

Kyungsoo smirked at him. Jongin sighed, toying with his fingers. “I don’t know what we’d do. But I could probably siphon some money from the company into my account, or get some cash on hand right now. But I’m not sure about how legal that is…” Jongin trailed off.

He thought about how things would turn out; his mother would be terribly disappointed in her only son. His sisters, Jungah and Jungeun would hardly be bothered by it. And his father would be pissed, of course. Probably find a way to sue Jongin, or send Kyungsoo away. Mr Kim Senior was a man of great power, and there was a reason why few crossed him. They had to tread carefully on this one.

“Or, I could just voluntarily leave,” Jongin pointed out after a second. Kyungsoo widened his eyes.

“Leave… Accuretta?” Kyungsoo repeated. His toast dropped back onto his plate.  

“Yeah. The way I see it, I’ll be kicked out either way. Even if I stay, the public’s not gonna respect me. Investors wouldn’t be too pleased either, and I don’t want to work if the company is headed for an early death,” Jongin said.

“Accuretta has been— your everything, Jongin. There could be a small chance that you could still stay on as the CEO even after. Are you… certain?” Kyungsoo asked.

“No, hyung,” Jongin put his fingers between Kyungsoo’s, “ _you’re_ my everything. And Accuretta has been my life, it’s true. But I wanna start new with you.” Jongin pressed Kyungsoo’s knuckles to his mouth for a chaste kiss.

Kyungsoo stroked Jongin’s chin back, thumb running over his jaw line gently.

“I’m… honoured that you want to start a different life with me,” he smiled, a melancholic look in his eyes, “it’s just a very big decision. And I think you have to think about it.”

“Mm. It’s safer to see it as a possibility though,” Jongin nipped at Kyungsoo’s finger, “we’ll plan for every kind of scenario, hyung. That way at least we have options and nothing will catch us off guard.”

Kyungsoo giggled. “You think this is some kind of spy movie?”

“Hey, with my kind of family and my kind of job, you never know,” Jongin teased. And it was true. He had no idea where to start planning, even.

Then it hit him. Coming out to their family, to the world, needed PR skills. The planning would have to be perfect if they wanted to come out with a clear message. The aftermath required a meticulous mind armed with enough knowledge to block whatever attacks Jongin’s father might come up with. And Jongin knew only one person who could do all that.

-

“I don’t see how being here benefits me today,” Sehun said shortly, sitting with his legs crossed and lips pursed. His body language screamed denial and refusal to be here.

“I’ll pay you overtime if you stay,” Jongin offered.

“No point if you’re not going to be my boss anymore,” Sehun replied, turning up his nose at Jongin.

Jongin had decided to call on Sehun in this time of great emergency, the only man he could depend on to handle things when the going got tough. Sehun, after all, was Jongin’s better half at the office. He was the organizer, the secretary, the only person who knew whatever was going on. It made utter sense for him to help them out on this.

On the other hand, Kyungsoo had been hesitant at first, but after reassuring that Sehun had somehow known about them all along, he relaxed slightly. All it took was a call, waking up a very grumpy Sehun, to drag him out to a café.

“I’ll even buy you a matcha latte. Or even two, if you want,” Jongin had bribed him. Sehun begrudgingly agreed to that. 

Kyungsoo didn’t want come along to see Sehun, as he was under the impression that Sehun didn’t like him. Jongin told him that Sehun never did like anyone anyway, and it was best if they consulted him together, in case Jongin missed something out. He didn’t want to make any decisions without Kyungsoo by his side. It was about them anyway; it wouldn’t be right without him.

“So,” Sehun sipped at his latte, “you two only made up last night, and now you want to come out to the entire world about your relationship. But you would also like to retain a semblance of a chance at living a normal life after that.”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo answered, sounding more sure than Jongin ever heard from him.

“You know you’re crazy, right?” Sehun looked at them both, “our society is not exactly accepting of anything out of the norm. Much less from Jongin, who is our supposed national hero,” Sehun motioned with air quotes, “everyone is going to come at you with their unwanted opinions and nobody will leave you alone, possibly for months to come.”

Jongin squinted at him. “You’re not exactly brightening things up.”

“Oh no, I just thought I’d lay it all out in case you weren’t clear on the repercussions of this crazy ass decision you’re making,” Sehun said, sipping loudly at his latte. If it weren’t for the fact that he paid for it, Jongin would’ve knocked it out of his hand just to spite Sehun. But knowing Sehun, he’d destroy the teapot of chamomile tea Jongin had ordered to share with Kyungsoo, so he just forced a smile.

“But I know you probably see a way out of all that, right? Media attention is inevitable, but you’d be able to help in other ways, wouldn’t you?” he asked, gripping his hands into fists.

“Perhaps, perhaps,” Sehun said vaguely, leaning back into his seat like he needed to think about it. Jongin wanted to choke him with his stupid Gucci scarf.

“Oh, _come on_ , Sehun. You’re like… the most resourceful person. Ever,” Jongin practically spat out the compliment. Even Kyungsoo had to laugh, covering his mouth with a hand. Sehun scowled in return.

“I know I am, Jongin. And even though you’ve explained your plan to me, I don’t know what aspect you want me to help you with. I’m _that_ good, Jongin, you have to be specific if you need me for something,” Sehun said, placing a hand over his chest. Ooh, Jongin wanted to shake him.

“Well, if you could advise us on where to go, that’d be great,” Kyungsoo suddenly spoke up. Jongin was jolted into silence and Sehun blinked like he’d only just noticed Kyungsoo.

“Where to go…?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo nodded, “if we’re talking about the worst case scenario, Jongin would probably be unable to keep his apartment. The media would be casing out the place anyway, and I don’t have a place of my own. I mean Luhan’s apartment is spacious but I doubt Jongin would like living with Luhan,” Kyungsoo looked to Jongin for support.

“Luhan?” Sehun said in a strange voice, “he’s your friend, right?”

Jongin’s head shot up at that. “Why? Interested?” he asked, snide.

“Luhan’s straight,” Kyungsoo said, “just to put it out there.”

Sehun looked distinctly disappointed. “Oh. Well, I mean, of course. Not everyone is gay but,” he nodded, sipping at more latte. Jongin wanted to laugh. _So much for Sehun being straight,_ he thought. But it made sense for Sehun to be bisexual; he wasn’t the sort to care about what was conventional, and he was never terribly interested in women...

“Well, as for where you should head to after making the most unnecessary PSA in history, I’d say get a new apartment. Don’t let anyone know where it is, make sure it’s a secluded place and if possible, get a place out of the country.”

“Out of the country? That seems... a bit much,” Jongin remarked.

“If it’s overseas, the people around you are less likely to be a nuisance. And if you think overseas is too big of a step, then maybe a place outside of Seoul. And you’ll need to consider a new vehicle as well, since a Rolls Royce isn’t exactly subtle,” Sehun turned to look at Jongin.

“A new car and a new apartment outside of Seoul, then. What about finances?” Jongin asked. None of this could be achieved without money. But Jongin was certain he wouldn’t need millions of dollars to get through this; just enough to give them a head start on a new life together.

“You’d think finances would be the last thing on your mind,” Sehun replied.

 _About that_ , Jongin thought. Kyungsoo placed a hand on Jongin’s thigh quietly, sensing Jongin’s immediate discomfort prickling at this topic. Kyungsoo nodded in Jongin’s direction, and unconsciously, Jongin took a deep, shaky breath.

“We’ve, um decided not to use the company funds in any way. I don’t want to give my father any leverage on me if he ever decides to dig up on the fine print. I’m also not going to touch any of my inheritance money, or that trust fund my dad has for me. If possible, I need to get my hands on some money in a completely legal way. If there’s some kind of loop hole, or some kind of right that I’m entitled to…”

Sehun cocked his head to one side. “Your salary?” he suggested. Jongin blinked.

“I have a salary?”

“Yeah, of course you do. You still work _for_ the company, even though your family _owns_ it. Plus, you earned it on your own accord, so it’s completely yours,” Sehun pointed out. Jongin wasn’t sure if he followed, but Sehun waved a hand. Kyungsoo looked thoughtful beside Jongin; he could see his thoughts already thinking ahead.

“It’s all just technicalities. I’ll look in to it, and see if I can help out on that. In the meantime, I’d start looking into good deals for apartments and cars, you know? Anything else?” Sehun said, spreading his hands open.

“When do you think is appropriate to make the announcement?” Jongin asked. Public holidays needed to be avoided; there was no need to get people worked up about him not respecting the holiday or whatever. But it couldn’t coincide with any other major event as well, because Jongin didn’t want to come off sounding insensitive and offensive on top of being _gay_.

They were going to need a quiet time to make the announcement, and leave quietly. Things tended to die down when it was less complicated.  

“When, huh? Sometime soon, I think,” Sehun chuckled, “the longer you wait, the higher the risk that someone will find out about you two. Perhaps at the end of the month, or the beginning of the next month. Give the employees their salaries first; it could be beneficial for you,” Sehun said.

“Is that your way of ensuring you get paid before I leave?” Jongin lifted an eyebrow, because that sounded exactly like something Sehun would do.

“Yes, and Accuretta will fall tragically apart without funds,” a corner of Sehun’s mouth lifted, “a perfect way to spite your father one last time without getting in trouble.” Oh, Sehun had a point. It was so tempting, just to make his father angry. He had forced Accuretta down Jongin’s throat for so long; maybe it was time Mr. Kim had something he didn’t like forced down his throat as well.

“That sounds like a wicked idea,” Jongin said, a slow smile spreading on his face at the mere thought of his father exploding in anger. Kyungsoo sent him a small smile too, happy to see Jongin happy.

“Well, keep it all in mind then,” Sehun laughed, a rare sight, “I’ll start looking up on everything on Monday in the office. But please, you too. Keep it lowkey,” he scoffed, gesturing at Kyungsoo’s hand on Jongin’s thigh. Jongin didn’t even realize Kyungsoo had had a hand there, and he snatched it away at once, shy at having been caught.

“People may not recognize you right away, but they’ll notice _that_ for sure,” Sehun rolled his eyes, picking up his latte and getting up. He stretched his arms out skywards, bones popping and cracking all over the place.

“Anyway. I’m gonna go home and sleep again. Thanks for the latte,” Sehun said to Jongin. He nodded at Kyungsoo, and went off.  

“That was easier than I thought,” Kyungsoo remarked, when Sehun was out of earshot. Jongin grinned at Kyungsoo, feeling excitement bubble in his veins.

“Right? And I dunno, hyung, but I got a good feeling about this. With Sehun on board, half the work is already done. Our hopes and dreams… It feels like it’s all going to come true. It feels like it _can_ come true,” Jongin said, snatching up Kyungsoo’s hands, not caring if anyone in the café saw.

They were dressed in the drabbest clothes they could find in Jongin’s closet at home, wearing black or grey. No one would take notice of them. Not today.

“It all feels so close,” Kyungsoo murmured, as if he couldn’t quite believe it either. Sure, it could’ve just been wishful thinking, but Jongin felt like things were heading up from here. Now that they were addressing the real issues that kept them from being together, they could stop fighting and start solving problems.

Jongin knew what his priorities were in life, and Kyungsoo was the same as ever. Loyal, concerned, affectionate. Jongin loved him so much it hurt. 

“Doesn’t it?” Jongin bit his lip, wishing he could kiss Kyungsoo senseless.

“If you’d told me two years ago that we’d be talking about our future like this, planning for our future like this,” Kyungsoo shook his head, laughing, “I’d never believe it, Jongin. I… had never thought a happy ending could be possible for us.”

Jongin couldn’t resist just nuzzling him a bit, lips lingering on Kyungsoo’s neck. He couldn’t believe it either, that Kyungsoo still wanted him.

 _Is this happiness?_ Jongin thought, watching the sunlight reflect the brown flecks in Kyungsoo’s eyes. Had they finally found their road to true happiness? His heart was light in his chest, and Jongin thought he would float right into the clouds like colourful balloons if he didn’t hold onto Kyungsoo.

“Do you wanna grab lunch?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Where? Outside, you mean?” Jongin said. The café they were currently at had decent food, but Jongin wasn’t in the mood for boring ol’ decent. In all honesty, he wanted Kyungsoo’s homecooked food, bubbling hot, hearty stews on hot rice. Domesticated life, unfortunately, was far too easy for Jongin to get used to.

“I wanna eat your food,” Jongin pouted.

“My cooking?” Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow, bemused. Jongin nodded, putting his hands together in silent plea. Kyungsoo thought about it, looking around. “…we could go to Luhan’s place, where there’s more pots and pans. And more groceries as well,” he lifted his eyebrows at Jongin in question.  

“Would Luhan be okay with me coming over?” Jongin shifted about in his seat nervously. Luhan was sweet, but he could also beat Jongin up.

“Of course he would be. I think he’d be glad to see us anyway, and we can tell him about our plan. He deserves to know, since he was the one who pushed me to go to your office last night,” Kyungsoo laughed, ducking his head down in slight embarrassment.

“Here I was thinking you came because you loved me,” Jongin replied, sniffling.

“Yeah, well, that could’ve been a factor,” Kyungsoo waved a hand dismissively, before bursting into giggles. He poured some tea out for Jongin and himself, picking up his cup.

“Let’s finish this pot of tea and we’ll head over to Luhan’s place,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin picked up his cup of tea, taking a whiff before sipping at it. The tea tasted as floral as it smelled on his tongue; it’d be amazing if there was some honey to enhance its fragrance.

It took a minute before Jongin realized he hadn’t yet had his regular cup of coffee yet. But he supposed things could change in the most unexpected of ways. 

The tea ran out fairly quickly, since it was shared between the two. Jongin and Kyungsoo immediately set off to Luhan’s place once they were done. Kyungsoo said it would be about a ten-minute walk if they took the train to Luhan’s side of the city. Kyungsoo insisted on taking the train when Jongin confessed he only ever took the train once every blue moon, and the last time he used public transport, he was an eight-year-old kid.

“Why? Is it that fun to be on a train?” Jongin asked, jogging lightly after Kyungsoo to match his pace.

“No,” Kyungsoo grinned, “but you’ll have to get used to being normal from now.” Jongin pretended to be insulted, but he was glad on the inside. This was taking a dip into what Kyungsoo thought of as familiar, and Jongin wanted nothing more than to know what it was like to be anonymous.

The train station felt placid, and everyone around them looked somewhat depressed even though it was the weekend. Still, it didn’t stop Jongin from feeling excited when he purchased the boarding card for the first time. They had to wait for ten minutes before the next train would arrive, so Kyungsoo dragged him into an unoccupied corner to wait.

“This is fun,” Jongin whispered, jittery all over.

“This is _normal_ ,” Kyungsoo chuckled, “maybe living less than the high life suits you better than anyone ever thought it would.”

“Are you kidding? I hate dressing up every day, pretending that I care about the company. Pretending that I care about how investors feel,” Jongin snorted, “I like it this way. Just living your life, taking it all one step at a time. There’s less pressure, y’know?”

Kyungsoo smiled at him, leaning on the wall behind him.

“It’s your first time telling me that… but I always had that feeling about you,” Kyungsoo replied thoughtfully.

“What? That I don’t care?” Jongin laughed.

“Yeah. You don’t want to care, but you do because you have to. It’s admirable, Jongin. No one would’ve lasted this long, living a life that they didn’t really want,” Kyungsoo said, voice low. No one around them seemed to be listening, but there wasn’t much noise either, so Jongin inched closer to Kyungsoo.

“It wasn’t bad. It’s not bad at all,” Jongin corrected himself, “it’s just that… yes, it’s a fancy life with nice cars, nice clothes, nice things. But I’m not taking any of that with me to the grave. In the end, it’s all just… stuff,” Jongin shrugged. Being materialistic wasn’t in his nature, and though he appreciated the finer things in life, Jongin knew better how superficial his life could be.

“And you want to take me to the grave with you?” Kyungsoo asked, eyes curling up into a silent smile.

“Yes,” Jongin replied in all seriousness, “I’ll take all the memories of us and all the love I have for you, and I’ll tell the big guy up there to open the gates because we’ve gone through enough.”

Kyungsoo gaped at Jongin, struck silent by Jongin’s words. “Don’t think you’ve ever been this romantic before this,” Kyungsoo whispered.

Jongin wasn’t being romantic. He was just being honest, because he knew that if he didn’t deserve to go to heaven, Kyungsoo sure as hell did.

The train ride was regretfully uneventful. It was more packed than they both expected, so not much conversation happened. Jongin was nonetheless grateful to be able to hold Kyungsoo’s waist lightly with one hand while holding the grab rail above his head with the other. The smallest of things with Kyungsoo made him happy, and Jongin wanted to hold onto that.

When they got off, Kyungsoo led the way to Luhan’s apartment, beginning to chatter all the way about everything and nothing. He mostly filled Jongin out on what he’d been up to while they were apart. Jongin was glad to hear that his passion for photography had not burned out, and made a mental note to thank Luhan for taking such good care of Kyungsoo. Without a friend like that, Jongin knew Kyungsoo would’ve been miserable just like Jongin had been, and that scar on his hand could’ve been something worse.

“So you wanna be a photographer when everything is over?” Jongin asked.

“Maybe. We could open a small studio for wedding photoshoots, family portraits, printing pictures for them…” Kyungsoo said wistfully.

“Or you could take amazing photographs and we’ll set up an exhibition in the best gallery we can afford,” Jongin replied, “the whole world will appreciate photography as an art, and you’ll be heralded as the pioneer of modern photography.”

“Haha. And my alias could be… D.O, or something lame like that,” Kyungsoo snorted.

“Sounds like a great stripper name,” Jongin remarked, and Kyungsoo had to punch him to shut him up. He must’ve gotten him thinking though, because he was as red as ripe beetroot.

“What happened to all your toys?” Jongin asked nonchalantly.

“Hm?” Kyungsoo hummed.

“Your toys. In the room, remember?” Jongin said.

It took one look at Kyungsoo’s face for Jongin to know that Kyungsoo was deliberately trying to be obtuse. As if either one of them would forget the way their relationship began. “Oh, those? Threw them away,” Kyungsoo batted his lashes innocently.

Jongin couldn’t hide his shock. “What, like… all of them? I never got to even try half of them on you yet—”

“I kept just one vibrator,” Kyungsoo muttered, face red, “and the s-swing.” Well, it was better than nothing. And Jongin always had his two hands if a spanking session ever came up. There was a stronger sense of satisfaction when his hand was ringing with pain anyway…

“Which vibrator?” Jongin chuckled, fondling Kyungsoo’s butt lightly.

“The one with the fluffy tail,” Kyungsoo looked away. Jongin had to take a deep breath at that, taking a moment to just breathe. Didn’t need an erection popping up right here while they were on the streets and headed to Kyungsoo’s friend’s place. Jongin remembered exactly the vibrator Kyungsoo was talking about. It wasn’t small by any standards, and the tail would look beautiful, trembling between Kyungsoo’s legs—

“We’re here,” Kyungsoo said, pointing at a tall building. Jongin blinked out of his thoughts, looking up. It looked like a new apartment, with shiny windows and balconies lining the front of the building. Luhan was obviously doing better at Accuretta.

“Looks nice,” Jongin remarked, “although I’m not sure how long Luhan can keep it if we go through with our plan.”

“Guess he’ll have to downgrade in a while,” Kyungsoo laughed.

They headed up to Luhan’s floor after Kyungsoo nodded with a smile at the security guard. Jongin followed him closely; he didn’t think he’d ever visited someone else’s home before, other than that one time Baekhyun threw a New Year’s party. He’d visited Sehun, Suho and Chanyeol before but that was different. They were already friends before that; this was a whole new territory, rarely ventured.

 _Something else to get used to_ , Jongin thought. Maybe a year from now, Jongin would be coming up to Luhan’s apartment so often that it’d be like a second home to him. It was a nice thought.

The corridors were squeaky clean when they got out of the elevator. Jongin could already see why Kyungsoo liked staying here, or was at least alright with it. And when Luhan greeted them with a shriek inside, the cleanliness continued in the interior of the apartment. Kyungsoo really did live there then.

“Come in, come in,” Luhan positively shouted into Jongin’s ear. He winced with a smile, bowing slightly at Luhan as he slipped off his shoes. Kyungsoo waited for him and tucked both of their shoes away into one corner, before gesturing for him to come inside.

“Don’t mind him, he’ll calm down in a bit,” he muttered under his breath. Jongin laughed aloud.

“Who will?! I won’t, because I don’t have any chill left in me. Oh my God, Kyungsoo, I’m so excited and happy for you! You got your man back,” Luhan squealed, jumping like a bunny around the apartment. He was still in his pyjamas, wearing fluffy bedroom slippers on his feet. Kyungsoo huffed a laugh in embarrassment, glancing at Jongin to gauge his reaction.

“He’s fun,” Jongin deadpanned.

“I invented fun,” Luhan said accusingly, “have you guys eaten yet? Shall we call in for some Chinese food?” Luhan clapped his hands.

“No, Jongin wanted me to cook,” Kyungsoo said, subconsciously rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh. He wanted _you_ to _cook_ ,” Luhan repeated, wiggling his eyebrows, “I get it.”

“No, I don’t think you do,” Kyungsoo replied, quite seriously. Nevertheless, he rolled his sleeves up his arms.

“I’ll get started on lunch. Luhan, be gentle,” Kyungsoo cautioned him, giving him a warning look. Luhan did a finger gun and clicked his tongue before Kyungsoo headed off to the kitchen, leaving Jongin to fend for himself. Luhan turned to Jongin, grinning a smile that rivalled that of Chanyeol’s.

“Do you want a tour of the apartment?” he asked, stepping forward to take Jongin’s arm. It looked like it wasn’t really a question, so Jongin said yes.

He was brought to all corners of the apartment at once; Luhan gave him the low down on every detail, from why he bought abstract art paintings to put out in the living room but only had framed dried flowers in the other rooms. It was spacious, tastefully decorated and a far cry from their previous home. Jongin had to admit he was impressed with what Luhan and Kyungsoo had done to the place.

“And here’s Kyungsoo’s room,” Luhan said grandly, the only room with a closed door. Jongin couldn’t hide his enthusiasm, raising his eyebrows at Luhan.

“You ready for a look?” Luhan rubbed his hands together with glee. Without preamble, he opened the door, letting it go all the way. Jongin took a step inside at Luhan’s behest, and was… a little underwhelmed.

“It’s… kind of empty,” Jongin commented, “but not unlike Kyungsoo, in a way.”

“It’s empty,” Luhan declared, nodding his head, “I always told him to make himself at home, but he didn’t want to decorate much. I think he was hoping he could move out so he could take less stuff with him, but,” he shrugged.

‘Didn’t want to decorate much’ was one way to put it. It looked like a two star hotel room; plain, unassuming, somewhat fatigued. It didn’t even look like anyone lived in it apart from the closet bursting with boxes and clothes, and the messy bed. Jongin didn’t know what he was looking for, but seeing this made him sad somehow. Like their breakup had sucked the life and joy right out of Kyungsoo’s bones, till even something as simple as decorating the room held no happiness for him.

“Here, you will find a collection of his boring clothes. There were more stuff in there, back when he kept all his photos of you…”

“What happened to them?” Jongin asked.

Luhan stopped, as if he’d slipped out something that he shouldn’t have. He gave Jongin a sheepish smile. “Don’t know if I’m really supposed to say,” he said hesitantly.

“I-I know it looks like I’m prying, but I just,” Jongin shrugged, “it could be good for me. So I know where I went wrong, or where we went wrong and we can move forward from it. He probably threw them away, right?” Jongin guessed. Luhan nodded slowly.

“He threw them out because they reminded him too much of you. But I think it was a way to start afresh,” Luhan paused, seeming to thinking about his words carefully, “because— well, this is just me, but I think the initial prearrangements of your relationship was unhealthy. And the dynamics between you two were less than ideal as well.

“Kyungsoo was hurt a lot, and I’m sure you were too, but him being the commoner was _hard_. He had to sneak around to be with you, and he’d already had such a hard time accepting that he was gay… But something good came out of meeting you, that’s for sure. It was a rocky start, but now things can be better if the playing field is evened out.”

Jongin took in all of this carefully. “I’m trying,” he said, feeling shy for some reason, “ _we’re_ trying.” He never took Luhan for someone who could read into Kyungsoo like that, and Jongin was the one who was supposed to be in love with him.  

Luhan smiled benevolently. “Then it’s a start. I’m sure things will work out in the end.”

“I won’t mess things up this time,” Jongin said softly. Luhan sighed, going over to Jongin for a quick hug.

“Good. Because I trust you with Kyungsoo, you know? You’ve made him happy, and God knows he needs to be happy.” Jongin never thought loving someone could feel so— rewarding. He vowed to himself that this time, _they were going to work_. There was no question about it anymore.

*

“Sehun, could you cancel my one o’ clock? I’ve got some stuff to do,” Jongin said on the phone, scrolling listlessly through a real estate agency site.

“No,” Sehun sniffled, “I’ve been cancelling meetings all morning for you.”

“Oh, come on. I need to check out this apartment—”

“Would you shut it,” Sehun hissed down the line. Something bumped onto the glass door of Jongin’s office; probably one of Sehun’s shoes as he imagined flinging it at Jongin’s head. He’d been very violent all morning, aside from being busy trying to rearrange Jongin’s schedules.

“This isn’t CIA, no one has our lines tapped,” Jongin snorted.

“You were the one who said you wanted to keep things clean,” Sehun retorted back, his entire sentence an angry garble, “and yet you’re making this shockingly difficult.”

“It’s just for today,” Jongin pouted, not understanding why Sehun was being so snappy today. He supposed arriving at eleven this morning must’ve ticked Sehun off. And cancelling all his meetings so Jongin could search up on potential places outside of Seoul. And refusing to see some of the investors who decided to stop by today. But Jongin had had very good reasons…

“I don’t care if it’s just for today, you have pretences to upkeep,” Sehun growled, “and you can’t just waltz in like nothing’s wrong—”

“Oh my god, okay then,” Jongin acceded begrudgingly, “bring in the investors after I have my lunch downstairs. Why are they here anyway?”

“Who knows? They probably want to sniff around because you’re not clinically depressed anymore,” Sehun replied. “Anyway, gotta go and make copies because it might be the last time I’ll ever do something productive in this place.”

Jongin hung up, sighing. He’d just found the loveliest apartment on the outskirts of Seoul. It was secured, had its own parking spot and had a lovely view of the city. It was also in a small neighbourhood sort of place, where Jongin supposed older crowds would live in. But he had to be certain because he needed to know there wouldn’t be a chance someone could recognize them, and now the investors were nosing around…

He decided to call Kyungsoo, fingers already hitting 1 on speed dial. It rang thrice before Kyungsoo picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, hyung. Sorry to bother you during the day,” Jongin said. Kyungsoo was at Luhan’s place for now, since he was too lazy to move back into Jongin’s apartment. He was still looking for a job and the last thing Jongin wanted to do was interrupt him, though it seemed like he didn’t have much of a choice anymore.

“It’s no problem, Jongin, what’s up?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding distracted.

“I was searching up apartments and I found this place… But I can’t cancel one of my meetings in the afternoon, and I’d already messaged the real estate agent about meeting her today,” Jongin pouted.

“Oh. That’s not a problem. I’ll go,” Kyungsoo chirped.

“Really? I mean, only if you’re not busy right now, because she said there’s an open house this weekend and I just want to case it out before others do—”

“Jongin, it’s no problem at all,” Kyungsoo laughed, “I’m bored out of my mind in this place. I’ve vacuumed the place twice already, and I’m preparing lunch now. If I have any more free time on my hands I might start _mopping_.”

Jongin faked a shocked gasp. “You wouldn’t.”

“I might,” Kyungsoo replied, “and I already mopped the place yesterday. To avert said cleaning disaster, I’ll go to the apartment. No buts, okay?”

Jongin giggled in a horrifically embarrassing way. He was glad Sehun couldn’t hear his conversations in the office; he knew Sehun would never let him live down the fact that he was _so_ whipped for Kyungsoo. Whipped cream could never hope to compete how Jongin was completely floored by him.

“Okay,” Jongin bit his lip, “I’ll see you for dinner, right? After I stop by the rehab centre, that is,” Jongin groaned inwardly.

He’d thought about it over the weekend, and had decided to cancel treatment. Kyungsoo had been apprehensive about it, but Jongin reassured him that he didn’t crave alcohol as much as he thought. It was just a way to drown his thoughts, and now with Kyungsoo, he didn’t need a buffer from the harsh face of reality. He’d repay his sister for the treatment fees, and cancel it this evening after work.

“Yep. Cooking kimchi stew just the way you like it, so you better be here on time, Mr. Corporate Executive.”

“I will be there. And I’ll text you the address,” Jongin said.

“Mm. Love you,” Kyungsoo called, sounding far away. Jongin whispered it back, afraid Sehun would hear him in case he was pressed against the door eavesdropping and afraid of saying it aloud. Only he wasn’t scared to be open this time; Jongin wanted each time he said those words to be said in reverence. They weren’t words he wanted to throw around carelessly. Jongin wanted Kyungsoo to know that he loved him, very much.

“I love you more.”

Kyungsoo must’ve paused on the other line, before he hit the button to end the call. Jongin was pleased he could make Kyungsoo flustered even on the phone. It meant Kyungsoo loved him too.

Jongin went for his lunch downstairs, uncaring that jaws dropped the minute he entered. It wasn’t new for him to eat there in the cafeteria, though granted, he hadn’t been there in some time. After all that chaos he went through in the darkest period of his life, Jongin was just thankful that he could have another chance at normal and behave like a regular human being.

When he was on his way back to the office after a heavy meal of japchae and seafood pancakes, he ran into the dreaded investors at the elevator.

Mrs. Choi and Mr. Joo were filthy rich, of course, with Choi constantly dripping in diamonds and gold while Mr. Joo always had an impeccable suit and custom made shoes on. They were nice on the surface, but Jongin never got close enough to deal with them closely. He was however, very thankful they stayed on even after the mess Jongin had made out of the company… His father had quite an impact on investors, after all.

Jongin wasn’t surprised to see bodyguards standing in a loose circle around the two when they spotted him.

“Oh, Jongin-ah!” Mrs. Choi called out. Jongin almost missed a step; no one close to Jongin ever called him that unless they were drunk. Still, it was good to maintain some semblance of a good friendship with them and he smiled.

“Mrs. Choi, Mr. Joo. Lovely to see you both. I’ve just had lunch, what about you two?” he asked.

“We’ve just come after lunch at the Hilton with Mr. Park. You remember their son, Chanyeol?” Mr. Joo said. _Aha_ , Jongin thought. Chanyeol’s father owned luxury resorts all over the world; no doubt these two would want to make nice with their family.

“Yes, I do, in fact, we’re quite close,” Jongin replied, motioning for them to enter first when his elevator came. He was a little uncomfortable with the lack of space between them and their bodyguards inside, but there wasn’t much he could do. _Why did these people bring their bodyguards anyway?_ Jongin thought crossly. Not like Accuretta made a habit of beating up guests or something.

In any case, they didn’t say anything of consequence till they entered Jongin’s office. Sehun was prepared (surprisingly) with appetizers and alcohol in one of those . Taewoon handled the food and beverages while Sehun bowed and nodded politely at them.

“I’m quite full, Jongin-ah, but thank you for these snacks. Are these bruschetta with cheese and spinach?” Mrs. Choi asked with interest.

“Quite right, madam. It’s ricotta cheese, I might add,” Sehun replied, “these here are crab puffs, and those are mini cupcakes if you’d like something sweet. May I provide a drink of coffee, tea or something stronger?”

“Tea would be nice,” Jongin blinked at Sehun pointedly. Sehun ignored him.

“I’ll have coffee, two sugars,” Mr. Joo replied, while Mrs. Choi requested champagne. Jongin had a dozen questions for Sehun after this; was he putting up a show for the investors so they would be thrown off Jongin’s trail?

 _Or did father send them here?_ Jongin thought. It was possible. If he couldn’t get Suho or Sehun to talk, he could always persuade someone else to keep tabs on Jongin.

In the meantime, he picked up a file surreptitiously labelled as ‘important’. He tore off the note quickly and dumped it on his lap, opening it up. It contained a report decorated with pie charts of the company’s performance in the market thus far.  

As soon as Taewoon and Sehun took their leave and Jongin’s two guests had their drinks, the real talk began.

“Mrs, Choi, Mr. Joo, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?” Jongin smiled.

“Why, Jongin, let’s not be so serious just yet,” Mrs. Choi laughed. Or so I thought, Jongin thought, withering inside.

“We both wanted to visit today because we heard about your health condition a month ago. It was terrible, and your father sounded so worried when I called him to ask what happened,” Mrs. Choi said. Jongin’s smile tightened. _Worried, but not worried enough to come see me_ , Jongin thought.

“I’m fine now. I was overworking myself, but now I’ve learned to manage my time better,” Jongin replied.

“That’s good to hear,” Mr. Joo nodded, his white hair shining in the light, “I’ve been backing Accuretta for years. It would’ve been disappointing to see so much potential go to waste…”

“Thank you for your support. And don’t worry, we’re taking Accuretta into a new direction soon,” Jongin said.

“Ah, but what about your personal life?” Mrs. Choi insisted, veering the conversation into a direction Jongin didn’t like. He never liked to mix business with pleasure and there was nothing fun in talking about his personal life with people he only ever met once or twice a year. He cleared his throat and scrunched his nose, trying to come up with a fib that made it sound like his life was terribly interesting.

“You know, Mr. Joo has a daughter your age,” Mrs. Choi sipped at her champagne.

“You do? I never knew,” Jongin laughed, though inside he wanted to throw himself against the wall.

“Oh yes. Just got her acceptance letter from Harvard. She’s planning to be a lawyer someday, and I daresay, she may clear up the country entirely of crime,” Mr. Joo chuckled. And that was all very well, but Jongin wasn’t interested in lawyers. In his experience, most lawyers were heavy drinkers and were constantly stressed out, though his usual lawyer at Accuretta, Jongdae, was quite far off from that stereotype.

“That’s so great to hear,” Jongin remarked, trying to inch away from the topic of Mr. Joo’s daughter. Mr. Joo nodded his head in silent thanks.

“Young people these days never seem to date around,” Mrs. Choi tutted, “I remember when I met my husband at 17. We were married with a son on the way by the time I was 20, but you’re 28 with no wife yet,” Mrs. Choi remarked, “why is that?”

“I’d like to provide my future significant other with a stable future before I seek one out,” Jongin replied, a lifeless response to that godawful question. _And you’ll be surprised in about two weeks, honey_ , Jongin thought. No wife his foot. Jongin didn’t need a wife to validate his career anyway.

“Well, that is important,” Mrs. Choi started to say, but Mr. Joo thankfully came to Jongin’s rescue.

“Don’t hound the poor boy, Kyungju,” he laughed, “he’ll find someone in his own time. Look at him! He’s better looking than any of our children and I don’t think there’s any shortage of women lining up on his doorstep.”

Mrs. Choi pouted into an expression resembling a fish. “I’m just concerned. I had dinner with your father just last week in Japan and he expressed hopes that you’d find someone soon. He wants grandchildren, understandably so, and I thought I’d lend a helping hand…” she trailed off, fingering the thin spine of her champagne flute.

“Helping hands aside, I think it best for me to concentrate on the company first,” Jongin said politely, “I love my father, but the company has to come first before anything else.” That was something his father taught him anyway.

“So hard working,” Mr. Joo remarked, “you’ll go places with that attitude.”

 _You have no idea, Mr. Joo,_ Jongin smiled back.

*

“So you’re cancelling everything?” Mr Chang asked in disbelief.

“Everything,” Jongin nodded.

Mr. Chang was at a loss for words, blinking rapidly. For a moment, Jongin thought he would cry. At 5, Jongin had left the office to head to the rehabilitation centre. He wasn’t sure what to expect when he requested to meet Mr. Chang in his office, but he certainly had not been expecting him to say, “I don’t understand why,” after a long moment. 

“Why?” Jongin chuckled nervously.

“Yes,” Mr. Chang frowned. He took a deep breath, then another before he could look Jongin in the eye again.

“This isn’t the first time a client has come to me to cancel their treatment, y’know. Many are confident they can hold out, but one small temptation can lead them astray so quickly…” his contemplative look told Jongin that he had some explaining to do, whether he wanted to or not.

“I know, sir,” Jongin said, shifting in his seat, “but I was drinking because I had very difficult issues. They have, somehow, been miraculously resolved and,” Jongin laughed, feeling like he was confessing his life story to Mr. Chang, “I honestly believe I’ll never touch another drink again.”

“Well, Jongin, it is my job to tell you that things are not so simple,” Mr. Chang replied, still looking at Jongin like he was a particularly difficult Sudoku puzzle.

“I think, in my case, it is,” Jongin said, keeping a level gaze.

Mr. Chang sighed, seeming to admit defeat. He slumped in his seat, fingers pressed to his temple. “I can’t keep you in, as you know,” he said.

“The thing about my centre is that everything is voluntary. My clients stay voluntarily, and they give up their worldly possessions like phones, tablets and all that voluntarily so they can concentrate on what’s more important; nursing the soul. If you want to leave, then you may do so. I do, however, feel a touch disappointed, because I thought you were doing well here, Jongin.”

“I was,” Jongin nodded, “but like I said, things in my life have changed for the better. They went from rock bottom to sky high, and I don’t need alcohol when the tables have turned.”

Mr. Chang looked… piteous as Jongin said this, like he was being naïve. Jongin knew he sounded like a child, but it was all he could tell Mr. Chang without giving away too much. In any case, Jongin didn’t give a fuck what Mr. Chang thought. His centre had gotten Jongin back on his feet, but there was only so much spoon feeding could do.

Mr. Chang nodded slowly, seeming to absorb Jongin’s words carefully. “And your sister knows of this?” he asked lightly.

“I’m planning to tell her tonight,” Jongin told him. He’d call and explain everything, and send a check to her; Mr. Chang was terrified of her, and Jongin would deal with her wrath. This was entirely his decision and he’d take full responsibility for it.

“I just thought it would be better if I told you face to face,” he added. Mr. Chang finally nodded, like he understood what Jongin was saying. He heaved a sigh of relief.

“Well, there’s not much that I can say. I’ll deal with everything, and you can go into your room to collect your belongings if you’ve left anything behind. I’m sorry to see you go, Jongin, but I do hope I never see you back here again,” Mr. Chang smiled wryly.

Jongin reached out a hand for a handshake. “Thank you, sir. Your centre has been great help to me, and I truly appreciate it,” he said.

He left Mr. Chang’s office, slowly making his way to the residential wing of the centre. He wasn’t going to miss the place since therapy wasn’t one of the best things he’d ever experienced, but he would take the positivity this place tried to exude to their clients. The staff were always helpful, and everyone who was there just genuinely hoped they’d get out of the place as better people. Jongin liked that; no ulterior motives. Just simple good wishes, and nothing else.

In his room, Jongin began to collect all his clothes and other miscellaneous items onto the bed to be packed properly into his luggage bag. He wondered how soon he’d be packing things into a bag again in the near future; if they could find an apartment on time, they would probably have to move in a day before making the announcement. And Jongin would have to look into a car soon, once they settled the apartment…

A buzz in his pocket broke him out of his thoughts, and he dug his phone out to find some texts from Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo: _the apartment was cute!! Nice kitchen, en suite bathroom in main bedroom and pet friendly_ :D

Kyungsoo: _how was the rehab centre thing? Are you still coming for dinner?_

Jongin called him at once, too lazy to type while he cleared out his room. He was in the bathroom collecting his toothbrush when Kyungsoo picked up.

“Hello?” Kyungsoo answered, sending a jolt of warmth down Jongin’s spine.

“Hyung,” Jongin greeted him easily.

“Jongin, hey. How was your thing? Did the supervisor chew you out about skipping your treatment?” Kyungsoo asked, genuinely worried.

“It was fine,” Jongin told him, “everything was settled nicely. But I called because I wanted to hear more about the apartment. Is it really great, or do you think we need to look around some more?” Jongin asked, dumping his collected items into his bag. All that was left was to fold his clothes before he could leave.

“It’s actually really great, and guess what? I told the agency woman that we were looking around, and she showed two other apartments. Out of the three today, I’d say the first place was great and it should be good enough for a temporary hideout.”

“Really? How did you know it was good?” Jongin asked teasingly.

“The area has very few electric and water shortages. It’s also facing away from the afternoon sun during the day, so it’s cooling most of the time. The heating system was pretty modern too, compared to the rest. Oh, and the neighbours are super nice. They offered me lunch and everything… it was nice.”

Thank God Kyungsoo had gone to see the apartment. Jongin wouldn’t know the first question to ask when renting a place, and if Kyungsoo was confident, then he saw no reason to not trust me.

“Well, it sounds like a great deal. Did she mention any discounts?” Jongin asked.

“Yes actually, if we take her deal now, before the weekend, she’ll try to get a lower price for us. I told her I’d think about it, since I wanted to discuss it with you, so… What do you think?” Kyungsoo asked, laughing.

“Take it. Seems like a great place, and I trust your judgment,” Jongin said.

“Seriously? I have pictures of the places and everything, maybe you should come home and sleep on it first,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin said okay, though he would tell Kyungsoo in the morning to call the real estate agent. If Kyungsoo, a frequent renter could say it was a good place then it had to be it. Jongin saw no point in looking into other options when they were a little short on time anyway.

“I’m coming home now, by the way. Have that kimchi stew ready for me, wench,” Jongin smirked.

“My good sir, I’ve even pushed Luhan to eat dinner early so we can have some quiet time of our own,” Kyungsoo said in a wicked voice, “I miss you. Come home quick.”

“Alright. See you in around half an hour,” Jongin smiled, even though Kyungsoo couldn’t see. They hung up, and Jongin turned to go to the closet. Folding wouldn’t take too much time, since he didn’t bring much to the centre. They were mostly pyjamas, and he’d only thought of folding them because he knew Kyungsoo would kill him if he didn’t.

In the middle of folding one of his sweatpants, his phone rang. Jongin answered without looking at the caller ID; not many people called him after work hours. It was probably Kyungsoo again, or Chanyeol.

“Hello?” he sing-songed into the phone.

“Good to hear that you’re well,” a gravelly voice answered. Jongin dug his fingers into his sweatpants, blood turning to ice in his veins. His father always had such impeccable timing.

“Father,” Jongin cleared his throat.

“A little bird told me you had a meeting with some investors today. And not too long after, I get a call from your sister saying that you’ve decided not to receive treatment from the rehab centre.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but these are contradicting actions.”

“You _did_ put me as the head of the company, father. Unless you don’t trust my actions?” Jongin asked in a mocking tone.

“Oh, I trust you. I simply wish for you to get better, son, and I don’t see that happening if you’re not taking any treatment for your… illness,” Jongin’s father finished his sentence delicately. It grated on Jongin’s nerves.

“I’ll be fine, and if you had any real concern for me, you’d be in Korea but I guess that’s just not the kind of father you are,” he spat out, knowing he was on dangerous grounds. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. His father had nothing to hold against him.

“You watch your tone, young boy. I’m working day and night to build an empire for this family, and I will not have you ruining it. Drinking your money away and snorting God only knows what up your nose… Now you’re refusing to admit you’re wrong. Is this the man I raised?” his father hissed on the phone.

“No, you just wished you raised a man who would take your orders and take care of your so-called empire when you’re six feet into the ground. But you know what?” Jongin said, shaking despite himself.

“I’m going to make Accuretta the most memorable company in the entire country by the end of this month. And you’re going to wish you listened when I said I didn’t want to have anything to do with the company.” Then the anger left Jongin in a whoosh. His father was silent on the line. All Jongin ever wanted was his father to listen.

“There was a time when I respected you, dad,” Jongin said, in an empty voice, “I wanted to be just like you. Big man, with a big job. Then I realized you were just a workaholic who claimed to love his family so much, and yet couldn’t be there when his son graduated from college.”

“Jongin—”

“People tell me there’s so much to learn from you, and that you’ve given so much to the world. I’m _so lucky_ to be your son, to be your successor to your throne that you’ve built. But you haven’t given me anything at all, except grief and money.”

“After all those years of guiding you,” his father tutted, “teaching you, showing you the ropes. This is how you speak to your father?”

Jongin’s tears spilled over before he even realized it. He didn’t think he’d cry over this, but maybe he would always be the son who would never live up to his father’s expectations. A thousand ways to rebuke that sentence bubbled up in his throat, but he held them all down. His father always managed to get a rise out of Jongin, but he was done with that. There was no point fighting anymore, so Jongin hung up. He switched off his phone and slumped to the floor, shaking and crying.

*

When Jongin came home, Kyungsoo was already waiting for him, having sent Luhan into his room so they could have a bit of private time for dinner. He got up to skip to the door and greet Jongin, but his smile disappeared as soon as he saw Jongin’s face. Kyungsoo was just thankful Luhan wasn’t around, because he’d never seen Jongin look so stripped down and terrified.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo went over to him at once, embracing him in a hug. Jongin hugged him back fiercely, head tucked into Kyungsoo’s neck. He looked like he’d been crying, and only one thing could ever bring Jongin to tears like this.

“My father called. He’s such a bastard, hyung,” Jongin whispered, fisting Kyungsoo’s shirt. Kyungsoo hushed him, placing small kisses on places he could reach.

“You’ll be fine,” Kyungsoo murmured, stroking Jongin’s hair.

“I want to do this, Kyungsoo,” Jongin said, voice shaky but determined. He pulled away from Kyungsoo, taking his hands tightly. “I want to be with you. I’m tired of living under his thumb.”

Kyungsoo could understand his anger, but he didn’t want Jongin to do this out of spite. He was sweet, and deep down Kyungsoo knew Jongin wanted to forgive his father even though the man would be too proud to ever admit he was less than anything but a good father. Instead, he nodded because it was what Jongin needed to hear.

“I know. And I’ll be with you, whatever decision you make, Jongin.” And they clung together like shipwreck survivors.


	28. doesn't matter if I'm not enough for the future or the things to come (cuz I'm young and in love)

The night air blew in wisps over Jongin and Kyungsoo on the balcony. It was cool tonight, and the city was awash in little colours of light. Jongin looked down at soda in his hand, the bubbles still fizzly on his tongue.

“It’s getting late,” Kyungsoo remarked, head on Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin hummed. It was probably close to midnight, but he wasn’t nowhere near sleepy. They had made camp on the balcony since dinner, where Jongin had barely eaten. All the lights in the apartment were off, but they didn’t need the lights on. The moon and the city was enough for them tonight.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked, linking their fingers together loosely. Jongin buried his nose in Kyungsoo’s hair, nodding. “I’m fine,” he murmured.

“You hardly ate at dinner just now. You sure you don’t want a snack or something?” Kyungsoo asked, looking up at Jongin. He forced a smile, shaking his head.

“Not hungry. I just… want some time to think,” Jongin admitted, lifting his cup and swallowing what was left of his soda. Kyungsoo hummed in reply, setting his head back on Jongin’s shoulder. His thumb rubbed endless circles into Jongin’s palm, a soothing, thoughtless motion.

“You’re angry, aren’t you? About what your dad said to you?” Kyungsoo asked softly.

Jongin grunted in affirmation. Angry wasn’t the word he’d use. _Enraged_ would be more like it. He couldn’t understand why his father kept pushing him to do more and to be more. Jongin could only do so much, and he could only want someone else’s dreams for so long. He felt unheard and unwanted in a way. Like he had been made for one purpose only, and if he failed then that was the end of things.

“I wanted to tell you something, though,” Kyungsoo said to him. Jongin dipped his head to raise an eyebrow questioningly, and Kyungsoo sat up straight in his seat. He cleared his throat like he was about to make a serious announcement, and Jongin couldn’t help a smile.

“I know you’re super mad at your father about everything he said to you, and about everything he’s ever done to you your entire life. But he’s family, Jongin, and…” Kyungsoo hesitated. Jongin leaned forward, taking Kyungsoo’s hand and nodding encouragingly. Kyungsoo smiled briefly.

“… and even though I know you’re serious about the end of this month, I still think you shouldn’t do it with spite,” Kyungsoo finished. He tapped a spot of bare skin right over Jongin’s heart, and left his hand there. Jongin was certain Kyungsoo could feel his heartbeat at his fingertips.

“You have to keep this clear. Your heart and your conscience… I don’t want you to do this and feel lost, upset or disillusioned for years to come. I want you to be really honest with yourself and your father, Jongin. And whatever he says, you just need to know I’ll be here for you. And if you’re disappointed in what you get from an honest conversation with him, then at least you know you tried as a son.”

Jongin tipped his head forwards, touching his forehead to Kyungsoo’s. “I don’t know if I can be honest with him,” he whispered.

Kyungsoo wrapped an arm over his shoulders, pecking him gently on the lips. “You have to try. It’s your chance to clear things up with him about everything you’ve ever felt. After we come out,” he swallowed thickly, “there’s no going back. I think you need to speak with your father one last time, Jongin.”

“He’s not even in the country,” Jongin sighed.

“Call him. Video call him,” Kyungsoo urged him, “because I can’t stand the way this makes you sad. And I know you, Jongin. You never hold grudges, so… don’t be like this.”

Jongin made a face, kissing Kyungsoo gently. Kyungsoo kissed back, and Jongin stuck his tongue out a bit to lick at Kyungsoo’s lips. He tasted like cherry soda, sweet and strong.

“I’m not sad,” Jongin said stubbornly.

“You are sad. You wouldn’t be forcing me to be with you out here if you weren’t,” Kyungsoo replied shortly, rolling his eyes and kissing Jongin some more. He ran a hand down Jongin’s bare chest, fingers trailing over his stomach. Jongin set his cup down and shifted closer to nibble on Kyungsoo’s lower lip. Kyungsoo dug his fingers into Jongin’s hair kissing back till he ran out of breath and had to push at Jongin’s chest.

“I think maybe you’re just out here with me tonight ‘cause you think I look good under the moonlight,” Jongin said, and Kyungsoo swatted at him.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Kyungsoo scowled, though his hands lingered on Jongin’s chest. He poked at the little, almost invisible moles on Jongin’s abdomen and connected them all together slowly, hand travelling from his collarbones to Jongin’s hip bone. It was ticklish, but Jongin didn’t mind. He liked taking things slow with Kyungsoo, just like this. Jongin hoped this wouldn’t be their last quiet night together.

“You have a mole here too, you know,” Kyungsoo said, tapping a spot just below Jongin’s ear. “When you get a haircut, I see it. Then for the rest of the year, it’s in hiding…”

“You must be dreaming, because you have one here too,” Jongin chuckled, pointing at the exact same spot under Kyungsoo’s right ear. It was always there, no matter how long Kyungsoo’s hair grew out. And it was like a target too, so Jongin always knew where to kiss to make Kyungsoo shudder.

Kyungsoo frowned at him. “Are you trying to punk me?” he asked threateningly. Jongin laughed, looking around for his phone.

“If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you, look,” Jongin said, but he couldn’t find his phone anywhere. Kyungsoo had left his in the kitchen, and neither of them wanted to detangle themselves from one another. Instead, Kyungsoo just moved his seat to face Jongin instead and propped his legs up on Jongin’s lap.

“I’m telling you, you have one right there as well,” Jongin said, as Kyungsoo tried to feel for it.

“I’ll look for it in the morning,” Kyungsoo said, feeling his neck for the mole, “and if you’re lying, I’ll turn off your alarm and you’ll be late for work.” Jongin tickled Kyungsoo’s calf, causing him to jerk in his seat.

“That’s not much of a punishment to me,” Jongin said, dodging Kyungsoo’s fist with a grin. His gaze dropped to Kyungsoo’s shirt for a moment, and he was suddenly interested to see what Kyungsoo looked like topless, without the intention of trying to get him off or anything like that. He fingered the edge of his shirt and tugged lightly.

“Can I see you too? Please?” Jongin asked. Kyungsoo gave him a strange look.

“You want me to take off my shirt?” he asked, pointing at it. Jongin nodded eagerly. “Please. I won’t try anything that will kill us here, I promise.” Kyungsoo seemed to think about it for a moment, eyes clouded with self-doubt for a very brief second. Jongin considered cajoling him to reassure him that Kyungsoo was nothing less than perfect, before he pulled his shirt over his head silently.

He crushed his shirt into a crumpled ball in his hands, contemplating where to put it down until he shrugged, deciding to fling it on the floor inside the apartment. Jongin sucked in a deep breath.

Kyungsoo’s skin was coloured dark grey in the night, a dull glow flickering off flat surfaces like his shoulder when he moved. Jongin was instantly mesmerized. Then Kyungsoo sat back in his seat, picked up his soda and looked at Jongin curiously.

“You have a lot of moles too,” Jongin said slowly, pointing at the first few smattered across his chest.

“Here, then here… and some small ones along here,” Jongin traced them together slowly, like creating a new constellation on Kyungsoo’s body. Most of them were on his stomach, and Jongin connected every last one of them, watching the muscles contract under his touch. The wind fluttered, and Jongin noticed goosebumps forming over Kyungsoo’s flesh.

“You have one here, and I have one here,” Jongin stopped at a mole, an inch or so above the belly button. He pointed at his own, trying to gauge the distance and looked at Kyungsoo’s again. It was more or less in the same spot.

“We have matching moles now?” Kyungsoo teased, pressing the cup of lukewarm soda to his mouth to hide his smile.

“As a matter of fact, I believe we do,” Jongin replied, poking the one on Kyungsoo’s stomach one last time. Kyungsoo jolted one of his legs upwards into Jongin’s side in retaliation, and Jongin faked a moan of pain.

“You’re such a kid,” Kyungsoo laughed aloud.

“If I’m such a kid then… about that snack,” Jongin said suggestively. Kyungsoo giggled, nearly spilling his soda all over themselves. He barely managed to pull his legs away from Jongin, and got up to tug Jongin to his feet.

Jongin stood, stretching his arms over his head. “I love you, you know,” Jongin kissed his temple, crowding Kyungsoo to the edge of the balcony. He held onto the railing behind Kyungsoo, lowering himself to give him a chaste kiss. Kyungsoo wound his arms around Jongin’s waist, resting his hands on his back.

“I do know,” Kyungsoo bumped his head on Jongin’s chest, “and I know you can never be angry for long.” He looked up at Jongin, feather light lashes brushing his cheeks.

“Just say you’ll try to patch things up with your dad,” Kyungsoo whispered, a quiet plea. He squeezed Jongin’s middle when he didn’t respond right away.

“Fine, fine,” Jongin gave in, “as long as I get that snack.” Kyungsoo smirked at him, bopping his nose before he turned to enter the apartment. Despite the lightness of the moment, Jongin knew the importance of clearing his conscience. _I’ll do it,_ Jongin thought, watching Kyungsoo’s back retreating into the darkness of the apartment into the kitchen.

_Not for me, but for Kyungsoo._

*

Jongin puckered his lips, rereading the papers on his desk in mild confusion.

“Suho, does this sentence mean that if I don’t pay in full, they’ll take it to court?” Jongin asked, pointing with a pen. Suho leaned over for a look, mouthing the words to himself once, then twice.

“…Yeah, seems like it.”

“Well, of course I’m gonna pay in full. No one’s ever paid half before and demanded a car, right?” Jongin asked, shaking his head before signing on the dotted line. Buying a car was a lot trickier than it looked. Suho shuffled up the papers, pointing at more dotted lines for him to sign on.

“I’m sure it’s just for their assurance. But you are paying in full, right?” Suho asked, uncertain. Jongin couldn’t believe his nerve.

“Of course I’m paying in full. I wrote the check somewhere, didn’t I?” he replied, looking to Sehun for reassurance.

Sehun picked up a file labelled ‘SECRET CAR’, tapping on it. “Yes, it’s in here. And once you sign all of that, I’ll go down to the car dealer’s office in the afternoon and have the car sent over to your apartment by the end of this week,” he informed Jongin.  

“Also, every employee is about to get their pay checks early. It’ll be around next week, I think,” Suho said.

 _Everything’s coming together nicely now,_ Jongin thought, signing on the last few pages. Sehun had done his research last week and concluded that everything in Jongin’s personal bank account was his and by law, not even Mr. Kim Senior could touch it. So, that meant going ahead with renting the apartment and now purchasing a new, economic Kia that Kyungsoo had chosen out. All that was left was to get some basic furniture for the new place.

 _And dealing with dad, of course_ , Jongin thought curtly. It had been exactly seven days since that call, and Jongin was still simmering. He knew he was being bitter, but this had been building up ever since he graduated college and realized his career would never be his own choice. All of this was his one chance to prove to his father that he could make his own path.

“Guys, what kind of job do you think I should get when all this is over?” Jongin asked, breaking the silence in the office.

Kyungsoo could pursue photography, sure, but what about him? Suho had been reading a contract with the bank regarding payments for the car, while Sehun was sorting out everything into proper files. They both stopped at the same time and stared at Jongin.

“I… assumed Kyungsoo would be looking for a job instead of you,” Sehun answered, in the most honest voice Jongin had ever heard from him.

Suho coughed. “I um, I— um, maybe running your own business or something?” he suggested.

Jongin gave them a hard look. “Do you guys actually think I can’t get another job?” he asked, genuinely insulted. Where was the faith, for God’s sake? He wasn’t incapable of doing things beside _attempting_ to run a company.  And they could’ve mentioned this before he got the apartment and the car…

“For starters, your resume isn’t the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Sehun muttered under his breath. Suho tutted at him; at least someone was being merciful here.

“Well, maybe I could start my own business,” Jongin said. Sehun laughed, not with humour.

“This is like college all over again,” he said, snatching the contract from Suho and stuffing it into the car file. Suho dropped his hands into his lap, shrugging at Jongin.

“Sure. What kind of business?” he asked. Now, that was a good question. A business could be anything. They could open up a restaurant, though there were hundreds— if not thousands— of eateries in Seoul alone. The competition could kill their revenue. Maybe something less obvious.

“A bakery?” Jongin said offhandedly. Kyungsoo had baked some cheese tarts just the other day; they were pretty good, and Jongin knew Kyungsoo could make anything he wanted with his two hands.

“You? _Baking_?” Sehun scoffed openly, stacking all the files together on Jongin’s desk, “it’ll be a cold day in hell before you make something edible.”

“Kyungsoo could bake,” Jongin retorted, “and I could be the manager, or front of house. Someone has to arrange the cupcakes and everything into the display cases.”

“Yeah, but you’ll need the Health Department to come in and give you a license every year, or else your store can’t operate. Not to mention, the food industry can come with pretty high costs so you’ll need a good amount of modal to start. You sure you wanna invest in something like that?” Suho said.

Good God, this was going to be worse than Jongin thought. He felt like crying now, just listening to everything Suho was saying. He was being terribly realistic, Jongin knew, and suddenly he remembered why people always wanted to be rich. A shortcut from all of this hassle would be much appreciated.

“Well, not everything can go my way,” Jongin said stiffly, adjusting his blazer, “Anyway, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

“If you really want to start up a business, let me know,” Suho offered, “I’ve got friends here and there. It doesn’t have to be difficult if you know who to ask.” The look on Sehun’s face doubted Jongin would survive. Jongin’s answering look told Sehun to shut his trap if he knew what was good for him.

“Regardless, you’ve completed the first phase of your plan, and that is setting up for your future,” Suho said, clapping his hands once, “I, on one hand, think it’s pretty great that you’re doing all this without depending on anyone. On the other…”

“You think I shouldn’t make the announcement,” Jongin finished his sentence for him flatly. His friends had made it clear enough that they thought it wasn’t a very smart move since it would be detrimental to his future career (if he survived this) and it would most definitely drive his father up the wall. But it would be stranger if he left the company without an explanation as to why. And he wasn’t going to let his father tell the world lies about him, so it was the best he could do given the circumstances.

“Yes,” Suho nodded, “I’ve already set up a press conference meeting eleven days from now, we’re inviting all the big players in the media coming in so there’s no way this isn’t getting out. Just… think about it, Jongin. You could still tell them that you’re leaving, but for ‘personal reasons’ instead of giving them specifics.”

“We’ll see,” Jongin told him. Sehun agreed with Suho.

“Don’t have to do any irreversible damage. The choice is still in your hands,” he reminded Jongin.

But was it really? A week ago, Jongin was certain he could backstab his father and leave the pieces behind for someone else to pick up. Now, he wondered if his father was a bad parent or if Jongin was just a terrible son.

As Sehun and Suho left, Jongin took an empty sheet of paper, picked up his pen and began to write.

-

Jongin’s watch read 7.00PM.

He had pushed back his entire schedule during the day to write down his feelings, all of them.

Jongin had thought wording his anxieties and anger would help, but each time he thought he had it figured out, something else would pop up in his head. Like why he had to be the new head of Accuretta, and not someone else. Why not someone outside of the family, even, someone better, who could take the company to new heights?

 _And when did you start thinking you could make money out of me, instead of just letting me be my own person?_ Jongin thought. He’d used up around five sheets of paper, most of them covered in scrawls of his half-lucid thoughts.

It all seemed so dramatic, like conflict in a TV series plot. Except Jongin really wanted his happy ending, and he desperately needed answers from his father. The press conference was in eleven days; ten, now that it was evening. Soon, his life would be split into two parts, and Jongin wanted to know where he stood with his father.

His phone rang on the desk. Sehun was probably still outside, so he picked up the call wearily.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Kyungsoo’s voice greeted him. Jongin blinked, making sure he wasn’t imagining things before he answered.

“Hey, yourself. Why are you calling me with the office number?” Jongin asked, digging out his own phone from his blazer. He got his answer before Kyungsoo could say it; his phone had died. Kyungsoo must’ve been worried sick.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t call this number. You didn’t pick up any of my calls, and I just wondered if you were going to be busy tonight,” Kyungsoo said apologetically.

“No, no, I’m the one who should be sorry, my phone died. And I’ll be coming over to your place in a while, I just…” Jongin scrunched up some of the papers into the bin, “I was caught up with something.”

“With what?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin sighed, wishing he wasn’t so weak and susceptible to emotion like this. It made him feel less sure of himself, even though he knew he couldn’t picture a life without Kyungsoo anymore.

“I was trying to write a letter to my dad,” Jongin told him quietly. Kyungsoo’s muffled silence was enough for Jongin to know Kyungsoo understood.

“I’ve got so many questions for him, but I don’t know which one is more important,” Jongin laughed at himself, reading the only sheet he didn’t throw away. It was the most cohesive one from all the rest, but Jongin thought it sounded childish. Like a confused son, trying to pin the blame on his father.

“Ask the ones that you need answers to,” Kyungsoo suggested, “if you ask the right questions… everything else will fall into place.”

“You think he’ll be honest?” Jongin said, feeling hopeful.

“For your sake, I hope he will be. If he’s evading your questions and not giving you any answers then, well. I think that’s answer enough for you, in a way.”

“I think I’m gonna call him,” Jongin said, looking at the time. His father was in the Netherlands right now, according to news online, and it would be mid-afternoon for him. He would most likely pick up, and Jongin didn’t know if there would ever be another time in the future where he’d find the courage to call him.

“Do it,” Kyungsoo said, voice even and calm. It helped Jongin’s thundering heart some, “if this is the only time you feel up to it, then just call him.”

“And you’ll be with me? No matter what he says?” Jongin asked in a small voice.

“Always,” Kyungsoo replied. So Jongin ended the call, setting the phone in the cradle carefully. He got up, going to the door to see if Sehun was still in. The outside was already shrouded in darkness; Sehun must’ve left some time ago. Jongin tried to take comfort in that; there was no other private moment he could ask for.

He sat back down in his seat and picked up the phone, dialling his father’s number slowly. Jongin looked at his letter again while the phone began to ring, cringing at some of the things he was going to say.

The dial tone abruptly ended. There was silence, a beep followed by heavy breathing.

“Father,” Jongin said, breathing uneven.

“Jongin?” his father sounded surprised.

“Is this a bad time?” Jongin asked, shutting his eyes. He didn’t know why he was setting himself up for disappointment like this.

“No, it isn’t,” Mr. Kim replied, cool as a cucumber, “do you have something to say? Like an apology?”

“I do have something to say, in fact. It’s a letter I wrote to you, and I wish we could do this face to face, but I guess you can’t have everything sometimes,” Jongin said, opening his eyes to begin reading from his letter.

“Father, this is your son, Jongin. Ever since I took over your job at Accuretta, a lot of old wounds and pains have resurfaced. As I painstakingly toiled for the company, more pain has emerged and I feel like you are the author of all my pain.”

Jongin felt detached from his own voice, like he wasn’t even the one reading from the letter anymore. “I never understood why you always felt the need for me to become your successor. I can see the part about keeping this a family business, but we both know I was terrible throughout high school and college. I wasn’t meant to be a leader of a corporation this big.

“You could’ve had anyone pick up from where you wanted to leave off. Suho, or another board member. Maybe even Jungah, because she’s always had the mind for business, not me. I feel like a _tool_ , dad. I feel like I don’t even recognize you as my father anymore. You’re just the man I answer to.

Even as I sit here in your office, I don’t know how long I can keep going before I burn out one day. I’m just _not you_.

“And I wish you’d seen that a long time ago,” Jongin put away the letter, shutting his eyes again as tears rolled down.

His father was ominously silent on the other line. Jongin kept telling himself that it didn’t really matter now, whatever his father said. He was still going to leave, and Kyungsoo would still be there. That was something he had to hold onto; a future where he would be accepted by the people who mattered

“Listen, son, I hear you,” his father said. Jongin could hear voices in the background; his father was probably surrounded by people at his hotel or something. That was his father for you; enigmatic, kinetic, and always pushing forward. Even if the price was an enriching family life and better relations with his own children.

“Leaders are not born, son, they are made. I _made_ you a leader, I put you there in that office to be a man,” his father said.

“You think I never listened? Alright, I’ll admit I wasn’t the best father. I was never around much, but when I was I tried to teach you. I tried to show you. I made a better life for our entire family,” his father seemed to emphasize this. Jongin listened, but he didn’t know when his own father sounded so foreign to him.

“I only want the best for us, Jongin,” his father sounded tired.

“The best… meaning the biggest of dreams?” Jongin asked, already knowing the answer his father would give him. Jongin bit down on his tongue, tasting blood. He would never let his father see or hear him cry.

“Yes, Jongin, of course… Only the biggest of dreams,” his father replied.

“Then I’m sorry I could never be the best of your dreams,” Jongin said, voice shaky. He left the letter on his desk, starting to get up to walk towards the door.

“Jongin? Jongin, what are you talking about?” his father was saying on the phone. But Jongin wouldn’t hear it; he’d heard all he needed to hear. His father was but a man hiding behind his ambitions. He would never let Jongin be anything but a pawn in the grand scheme of things, and there was no point trying to talk to his father about his feelings. It was just the way things were in business.

Jongin knew now. Leaving was his ticket to a better place.

*

Reporters and cameramen were gathered at the entrance of the Accuretta building. A podium had been set up, and now they were just waiting for the guest of honour to arrive. Most looked restless; it might have something to do with Suho not giving them any specifics to the reason why they were holding the press conference today.

Some of the female reporters even tried asking Sehun about it, recognizing him as the personal assistant, but he just played dumb and told them he was as clueless as they were. It was partly true in a way. Sehun checked the time; five more minutes and Jongin would be here.

The cameramen would swarm him for pictures the second he arrived. Sehun would have to direct some bodyguards to make sure they made way for Jongin to step up on the podium… This press conference had to be perfect.

Some of the news channels were planning to give the press conference live coverage too; Sehun shook his head. Jongin always made an entrance— or in this case, an exit— whether he wanted to or not.

“So, you heard anything about what he’s going to say today?” a voice came up from behind Sehun. It was Suho. The board members were arriving, and some of the employees who had been wandering around the building were gathering too. Jongin would get his announcement out, alright.

He didn’t turn around, pretending to check his watch again. “Nope. No idea. He’s been MIA since he left the office that day. But I trust that he’ll show up,” Sehun muttered under his breath. It was typical Jongin, to drop everything and not explain anything. Sehun had been busy for the past few days, trying to explain to everyone why it’d seemed like Jongin had dropped off the face of the Earth.   

“I tried calling him once. He didn’t want to say much, but he told me he spoke to his father and finally learned the truth about some things,” Suho replied. Sehun turned to look at him as if he only just noticed Suho.

“That couldn’t have gone well.”

“No, it wouldn’t have. But somehow the news got out that Jongin hasn’t been in the office for over a week, so…” Suho shrugged, “I’m sure Jongin will explain to the press, and to everyone here.”

“You know Chanyeol is coming too?” Sehun said with a sly smile, “he has thousands of followers on Instagram and he’s going to do a live video once he arrives. As if the media members we have here aren’t enough.” Suho looked pleasantly surprised at this.

“Aside from coverage, it could be good for Jongin though. If Chanyeol shows support for him, the backlash from this might not be too bad…” Sehun supposed Suho could be right. But until then, the initial shock of Jongin’s announcement would be inevitable. They would just have to ride it all out, and hopefully this would fade away, just as news always did.

 _I just hope I can still get a job after this_ , Sehun thought glumly. He didn’t want to have to explain to a future employer about why his last job went sideways.

An abrupt change in atmosphere caught Sehun’s attention. Some cars had just stopped by the road near the entrance, and Sehun could already guess who had arrived. The press began to stand, trying to get a glimpse. Sehun straightened his suit, arranged his features into a perfect poker face and walked over to speak to the head of security.

“Please allow Mr. Kim a safe passage to the podium,” he said, keeping his voice at a perfunctory level.

The head of security nodded, and spoke into his walkie-talkie. Bodyguards were directed to the entrance at once, holding off cameramen with their flashing cameras in hand. From where Sehun stood, he could see Jongin stepping out of the car, dressed in a crisp suit.

He took one look at the press clambering for a photo and smiled for a moment, the smug bastard. Sehun could already tell where this was going.

Jongin held out a hand to someone inside the car. If possible, the flashing lights became brighter as Kyungsoo stepped out of the car, looking timid and shy.

Sehun could never quite comprehend whatever Jongin saw in the short, baby faced man until they’d met at the café that day, discussing this very announcement. He had thought Kyungsoo foolish, weak for falling in love with one of the most elusive men in the country. And the way he threw himself at Jongin… Completely tactless.

Now, he realized Kyungsoo had to have been smart in some way, because Jongin would never be able to stand up for himself like this alone.

 _Smart, but still reckless though_ , Sehun thought. This was still the biggest mess he’d ever seen. Oh, well. At least Jongin finally found the courage to be his own person.

Jongin made his way to the podium, Kyungsoo following closely after him. Reporters continued to trail after the pair, though Jongin kept calm. Sehun showed Kyungsoo a seat at the front, right next to where Chanyeol would sit once he arrived.

“Sehun!” a familiar, deep voice suddenly called.

“Speak of the devil,” Sehun drawled, waving Chanyeol over from the entrance. He too, had just arrived in a hideous outfit complete from the latest Yeezy collection. Chanyeol was prepared, unlike Jongin, with sunglasses. The photographers who recognized him snapped away but with his presence, now the press just seemed confused.

“Where do I sit? Did you give me a good seat?” Chanyeol asked when he approached Sehun. Then he noticed Kyungsoo and said hi.

“You’ll be sitting next to him,” Sehun replied, pointing at the seat.

“I even made a hashtag for this, Sehun. Get this; hashtag Support Jongin,” Chanyeol waved a hand grandly. Even Kyungsoo cringed beside Chanyeol. Sehun had nothing but a wry smile for Chanyeol.

“Sure. Sounds great,” he said, before going to the side of the small, makeshift stage. Jongin was already standing on it, taking out a slip of paper from the inner pocket of his blazer. He looked terribly nervous up close, but Sehun was glad his friend looked alright. Whatever made him leave the office early clearly did not affect him as badly as they thought.

Jongin glanced at Sehun nervously, to which he smiled in return. “Do your thing,” he urged Jongin, soft enough only for Jongin to hear. With shaking fingers, Jongin unfolded the piece of paper and set it on the podium.

“Hello, everyone, thank you for coming today,” he began, speaking into the microphone. The crowd was now settling into the available seats, others standing to listen.

Jongin had never been one for speeches on a normal day, and his nervousness today showed in the wavering of his voice. Thankfully, Suho and Chanyeol were beaming in the crowd like proud parents, encouraging him to go on. Chanyeol had his phone set on a selfie stick, recording every second for the world to see. Jongin was now centre stage.  

 “Mr. Kim, you were absent from work for ten days—” a reporter stood up to speak. Sehun was pleased to see a bodyguard shushing the man almost immediately.

“I’ll take questions after this, in a minute,” Jongin nodded at the reporter. The others fell silent in a hush. Sehun felt his heart beating in his throat just looking at Jongin; he could only imagine how Jongin was feeling right now, with everyone’s attention concentrated on him.

“I’m calling this press conference to bring some issues to light. I understand many are confused regarding my absence in the office for the past week, and I’ll be explaining everything.

“First of all, I became the new head of Accuretta Systems just over a year ago. My… father was very proud to hand over what he called his empire to me. He told me to make a name for myself in this world using his success as foundation, and as a son, I felt burdened to accept.

“Members of the media will remember that I have a tumultuous past. I admit it, I did not ascend as smoothly in what would be considered an ideal manner. I honestly felt I was not fit to be the chief executive of a company that my father worked very hard to maintain,” Jongin smiled to himself, “and when my health deteriorated three months back, I realized that I need a change of scenery. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.”

Jongin paused. The reporters prickled with interest at that. Sehun faked a look of surprise as Jongin went on.

“Part of the reason why I felt burdened to accept my inheritance was because I felt unfit for the job. I was lost, career-wise, for a good part of last year. And at the same time, I was struggling with my identity. I had met someone very important to me. Someone who I would come to see as my better half,” Jongin couldn’t help smiling at the cameras when he said that.

Sehun wanted to roll his eyes; Jongin wasn’t doing himself any favours like this.

Then again, he had nothing to lose. “We met just a short time before I took over Accuretta Systems. Of course, I’m sure many of you are curious about _him_ ,” Jongin quirked an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. Some of the cameramen and reporters noticed, and everyone glanced at Kyungsoo as well. Sehun could read the looks on their face perfectly; _is he saying what I think he’s saying?_

Sehun calmly motioned for a bodyguard to control the crowd when they began to titter among themselves. He wasn’t about to let an entire week’s worth of careful planning and his last pay check go to waste.

“His name is Do Kyungsoo, and we’ve been in a relationship for… about a year or so, on and off,” Jongin said, sounding much more at ease now that it was finally off his chest.

“I’m not going to invite him up here right now, but I suppose pictures will be up on the internet soon enough. And that’s not all the news I have for you today. I’ll be stepping down as chief executive of Accuretta Systems, effective immediately. It wasn’t an easy decision but I hope everyone understands.”

Nobody bloody understood what was going on. Reporters practically stood up, thrusting their microphones at Jongin’s face.

“Sir, are you stepping down because you’ve just revealed yourself to be in a relationship?”

“Mr. Kim, has this been discussed with your father?”

“Mr. Kim, can you point out your partner for us?”

Jongin took all their questions in stride. “Yes, I’m stepping down because I’m in a _gay_ relationship,” he said, loud and clear, “and I would like focus on my partner now. No, I have not spoken to my father regarding this matter but I simply do not care what he thinks of me anymore,” he said with a cheerful smile. More questions ensued as cameras clicked and flashed continuously.

Jongin ducked his head to make his way off the stage, reaching out for Kyungsoo with a hand. Chanyeol was hollering something about the LGBTQ community and equality to everyone as they linked hands and began to walk towards the entrance.

Reporters lapped everything up, appearing rather shocked to see two men holding hands. Sehun supposed it must’ve been a culture shock even for them, but it was hardly his problem that they weren’t cultivated people. The employees who were present up until now were beside themselves too, gossiping openly as they watched Jongin and Kyungsoo leave.

They piled together into the Rolls Royce, cameramen following them all the way to the end; Jongin flashed one last smile and shut the door on everyone.

“My work is finally done,” Sehun said to himself, sighing with relief. Jongin was no longer his problematic boss anymore, thank the Lord. He looked around to see Suho was still there, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

“He did it,” Sehun laughed, “he actually, fucking did it.”

“This is all that we’ll hear for the rest of the year. Phones will be ringing off the hook and I’m going to get a tonne of emails asking me the same thing: ‘Did you know Kim Jongin was gay?’” Suho exclaimed.

“I already changed my number and signed out of my work email. What about you?” Sehun said. He wasn’t going to be harassed if he could help it at all.  

“Didn’t think of that. I think I will, by tonight. By the way, you stopping by the office tomorrow?” Suho grinned, unbuttoning his jacket. Sehun snorted at his question.

“Of course not. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve already quit. I don’t want to think about the word ‘work’ for a long while,” Sehun said, “now, c’mon, let’s go grab lunch. I’m ditching now that Jongin’s not the boss anymore.”

“Seems like it,” Suho said, getting out his car keys. He turned to look for Chanyeol, and spotted him fiddling with his phone among the photographers. Jongin and Kyungsoo were gone by now, though the photographers and reporters still looked disappointed. Sehun was fairly certain it was because they had a story but not quite enough details yet.   

“Chanyeol, you coming for lunch?” Suho called. That got all the reporters’ attention, and they came in a swarm at once, microphones at ready. Sehun shook his head, beginning to walk to the elevator. Chanyeol might love the spotlight, but Sehun was no fan of answering questions on behalf of someone else.  

“Yes, I am!” Chanyeol called back, “And no comment, guys, I’m just the messenger,” he told all the reporters around him. He had to race towards the elevator where Suho and Sehun were waiting inside.

“Mr. Park, you were here, so you must’ve known—”

“Mr. Oh, as personal assistant, were you aware of Mr. Kim’s relationship—”

“Hashtag Support Jongin! All you need is love!” Chanyeol hollered from the elevator. The elevator doors slid firmly shut.

*

The smell of beef cooking over glowing embers filled the air.

Chanyeol was busy flipping the slices over the grill, while Jongin and Kyungsoo were dishing out bowls of rice for seven people. The side dishes Kyungsoo had prepared earlier during the day were ready, and all that was left was to plate everything up.

As soon as Chanyeol grilled enough beef for everyone to devour, the housewarming party could begin.

Baekhyun, Sehun, Luhan and Suho were playing a game of poker by the swimming pool, seated at the long garden table. Jongin was thankful the apartment building they’d rented were rather lenient with the residents and allowed them to bring in a barbeque grill just for their housewarming party tonight, so long as they promised to use it on the apartment facilities floor.

Chanyeol had brought his fancy equipment over specifically for the party, and ten kilos of expensive Korean beef. All Jongin and Kyungsoo had to prepare were chips, drinks and games to keep everyone occupied for the night.

“So who’s winning right now?” Jongin asked, carrying four bowls of rice in his two hands over to the garden table. The four of them at the table were too preoccupied with the game to answer, but it looked like Baekhyun was winning, if his twitching right eye was anything to go by.

“They’re too out of it,” Kyungsoo laughed, bringing the rest of the rice, “they haven’t been talking since the chips ran out and the playing cards became the only source of entertainment.” They set the rice to one side, beside the pile of plastic forks and spoons.

“Are you kidding?” Jongin scoffed, “if I didn’t have to prepare all this food for these ungrateful brats, I’d be swimming in the pool right now.”

“I’ll bring the beers out. That’ll cheer them up right away,” Kyungsoo whispered in Jongin’s ear.

It was as if he’d spoken the trigger code, and Luhan snapped his head up from his cards. Jongin thought he saw a devilish gleam in his eyes. “Did you say beer?” he said in a quiet voice, mouth curving up into a scary smile. Then he dumped his cards down on the table, causing everyone to yell like Luhan had just dropped his pants in front of them.

“Fuck!” Baekhyun swore, throwing down his cards too. He had lost the round apparently, by only one point. Luhan wasn’t even fazed by their reaction, getting up to stretch his arms out for a bit before he started looking around the area like a predator.

“Where’s the beer? You can’t hide it forever,” Luhan said.

“You can have the beer on the condition that you’ll carry the whole ice box over to the table so everyone can have a drink,” Kyungsoo said, pointing to the table they’d set up near Chanyeol’s grill. Underneath it was the aforementioned ice box, and Luhan lunged after it like a leopard. Kyungsoo shook his head and chuckled.

“I can’t believe I owe Luhan a hundred bucks,” Sehun said in a hollow voice.

“I can’t believe I thought I was going to win,” Baekhyun gritted out. Kyungsoo patted him on the arm gently.

“Don’t worry, Baek, it happens. Now can we clear the table so we can eat? The beef is almost ready,” Kyungsoo said. Suho and Baekhyun began to collect the cards away, while Sehun lifted an eyebrow in surprise.

“Chanyeol managed to grill all ten kilos already?” he asked. Jongin shook his head and held up a hand in mock whisper, “It’s only round one.”

“Good, because we’re still going to have to play another round of poker. Not gonna let some punk get a one up on me,” Baekhyun declared, glaring at Luhan, who was heaving the heavy ice box with all his might over to the garden table. Jongin rushed over to help, lifting it on one end so they could carry it between them.

“Thanks, Jongin,” Luhan panted, “and sorry that you can’t have a stiff drink.”

“It’s okay, we’ve got plenty of soda,” Jongin laughed. They set the ice box next to the garden table, and Luhan flipped the cover over to grab a cold can of beer. Jongin helped to pass drinks to everyone while Luhan cracked his can open and glugged at least half of its contents in one go.

“Remember when Jongin used to get super wasted?” Sehun remarked lightly, opening his own can.

“Yeah, I remember when I had to drag him home from the club,” Suho snorted.

“You’ll have to be specific, Suho, because nearly everyone here has dragged Jongin’s sorry ass home before, after a crazy night in some club,” Kyungsoo said, and they broke out into laughter. Jongin laughed too, though his ears were a bit red. He was glad that everyone was talking but really, did it have to be at the expense of Jongin’s tattered reputation?

“Speaking of a crazy night,” Baekhyun grinned, “Jongin has been on the news the entire week. And he’s everywhere online too. People just _cannot_ believe he’s gay, and I don’t get it. You have pictures of Jongin holding hands with Kyungsoo. What’s not gay about that?” Baekhyun demanded. Kyungsoo shrugged.

“Some people think it’s a setup, like it’s supposed to help Accuretta with their stock prices,” Sehun rolled his eyes, drinking his beer, “but why would Jongin need an increase when he’s already left?”

“C’mon, that’s an impossible theory,” Jongin complained, fishing out his own soda.

“I hear Mr. Kim’s going to take over again,” Baekhyun grimaced, “I can just picture him cleaning up messes for years to come.”

“Here’s to a hot mess then,” Luhan slurred, holding out his can of beer. “A hot mess,” Jongin smiled, clinking his can with Luhan’s. Everyone repeated after him, and bumping their cans with one another. Kyungsoo was the only one who didn’t join in; he was determined to be the sober one at this party.

“Hey guys,” Chanyeol called from the grill. Everyone turned to see him holding a paper plate and waving the tongs at them. “Come over and grab the beef!”

Baekhyun and Suho got up at once to help, while Jongin went to bring over the side dishes for the rice. There were about a dozen containers of crispy dried fish, kimchi, blanched spinach and fried sausages. Kyungsoo opened up another container with fresh lettuce leaves in it, and together they brought it over to the garden table.

Jongin felt so… _normal_ like this, helping Kyungsoo out the way he should be. He was probably being too melancholic, having just officially moved into the new apartment with Kyungsoo three days ago, but he felt like this was perfect. This moment, at this point of their lives, could not get any better, surrounded by their friends.

“Hey, Jongin, could you uh, grab me a beer and some lettuce?” Chanyeol called him from the grill. Jongin nodded, taking a can out from the ice box and placing some lettuce onto a paper plate. Before he could walk off, Kyungsoo stopped him with a hand on his arm and said, “Not just yet.”

He put a side of kimchi on the plate, before motioning for Jongin to go on. Jongin smiled at him in thanks.

Chanyeol was still grilling away when Jongin went to his side. He looked a bit ridiculous wearing a snapback, wife beater and beach shorts while grilling beef with gloves on, but Jongin supposed he shouldn’t complain. Jongin saw no appeal (which Chanyeol did) in standing in front of the hot grill for hours even though it was a windy evening. The smell of smoke in his hair was going to be difficult to get rid of.

“Here, the vegetables should be done,” Chanyeol said, picking up a lump wrapped in tin foil off the grill and placing it on the table. He opened it with gloved hands, steam puffing up into the air to reveal the steamed vegetables inside.

“Oh, I forgot all about these. Thanks, Chanyeol,” Jongin said, trying to pick out a sweet potato. It was deadly hot, but he took his chances, passing it from one hand to another to cool it off.

“Have you thought about when you’re gonna pop the question yet?” Chanyeol asked, in a quiet voice even though they were out of earshot from the garden table. Jongin still shot a glance at Kyungsoo anyways, who was laughing at a joke Baekhyun just told everyone.

“No,” Jongin replied, feeling the weight of the rings in the pocket of his shorts like heavy lead. Sehun had been clearing out Jongin’s office the day of the press conference, and found Kyungsoo’s ring in one of the drawers of Jongin’s desk. He’d brought it over today, passing it covertly to Jongin when everyone first arrived and Kyungsoo gave them a guided tour of the new place.

Jongin still had his ring with him, having found it in his closet while moving out. But he was keeping its other half to hopefully propose to Kyungsoo with it tonight, if he could find the courage to do so in front of all their friends.

It came to him in a stroke of inspiration at 2AM, when he was too excited about moving into the new apartment to sleep, and he’d texted Chanyeol about it on the spot.

Chanyeol thought it was a little lame to be proposing to Kyungsoo with the ring, since it was actually Kyungsoo who had gotten the rings and not Jongin. However, Jongin thought it was symbolic of their relationship in a way. They had taken much longer than normal couples to get matching rings and when they finally did, it seemed like they were done for not long after. And Jongin knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t like it if he’d gotten out of his way to buy a diamond ring anyway. It wasn’t the best ring out there, but it was perfect for them.

“Probably after dinner would be a good start,” Chanyeol told him, picking out more beef from a plastic bag and slapping it right onto the grill. The beef sizzled loudly.

“Probably within the next three hours would be good,” Jongin huffed, trying not to sound nervous. The attempt fell flat between them, like a deflated balloon. Chanyeol sent him a sympathetic look.

“Jongin, don’t worry so much about it. You’ve been together for like… _ages_. I sincerely doubt he’ll say no, especially considering that you both just moved in together,” Chanyeol said.

“He could say no—” Jongin started to say, but immediately straightened and cleared his throat when he noticed Kyungsoo heading towards his direction. Kyungsoo was wearing flip flops and a tee, looking terribly boyish and young as he smiled at Jongin.

Jongin had never wanted a person this much before. The thought of Kyungsoo rejecting his proposal tonight was… excruciating.

“Hey, dinner’s ready. Why don’t you eat, Chanyeol, and I’ll take over the grill?” Kyungsoo offered, holding out a hand for the tongs. Chanyeol shrugged, giving him the tongs and taking off his gloves. Jongin stepped aside, his potato finally cool enough for him to peel the skin away.

He broke off a piece and fed Kyungsoo first, before he took a bite. They’d gone grocery shopping for the vegetables together, and Jongin never though eating a sweet potato could be this satisfying.

“Here,” Chanyeol followed Jongin’s example, feeding Kyungsoo a small piece of beef. Kyungsoo let him pop it into his mouth, and chewed happily like a child.

“This is good beef,” Kyungsoo remarked.

“Find your own boyfriend to feed,” Jongin nudged Chanyeol in the ribs playfully.

“No, _you_ feed your boyfriend properly,” Chanyeol said, taking the last plate of cooked beef away. Now, it was entirely up to Kyungsoo to feed the hoard of man-children they’d invited to their housewarming party. Jongin normally would’ve felt pressured, but at least someone with sense was working the grill.

“Did you eat just now?” Jongin asked, trying not to feel guilty. He had no reason to be guilty about secretly wanting to propose. Although keeping secrets from Kyungsoo was very hard…  

“No, I’m not hungry yet. You?” Kyungsoo replied, seemingly oblivious to Jongin’s internal monologue.

“A bit. I’ll bring some food over,” Jongin said, grabbing the tin foil filled with steamed vegetables and scampering over to the garden table. He passed the vegetables to Suho and took a bowl of rice, snatching up a paper plate with some cuts of beef left on it. Sehun protested, but Chanyeol waved at him dismissively.

“Leave it, he’s trying to butter Kyungsoo up before he proposes,” Chanyeol said. There was a moment of silence as Jongin nearly dropped the precious beef on Luhan’s head while everyone choked on their rice. Baekhyun had to turn away to cough into some bushes, and Sehun looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his skull.

“You’re going to _what_?” Sehun asked in a choked voice.

“ _Chanyeol_ ,” Jongin whined. Good Lord, there was no way Jongin could keep up an act long enough to let Kyungsoo think nothing was up if his friends knew. It was bad enough that keeping a secret this big from Kyungsoo made him feel like throwing himself at Kyungsoo’s feet. He could count on Chanyeol trying to keep it on the low, but Luhan? Baekhyun? _Sehun_?

 “Could’ve said something earlier. I would’ve brought a suit and everything,” Baekhyun wrinkled his nose.

“No, it’s supposed to be a small thing,” Jongin muttered, feeling stupid now. Maybe it was better if he did it on another day, just between himself and Kyungsoo so no one would mess things up—

“S-shit, Kyungsoo’s looking over here, what if he knows something is up? He always knows when something is up,” Luhan said, expression panicked. All that beer in his system probably wasn’t much help too, but it snapped Baekhyun out of it long enough to shove Jongin into Kyungsoo’s direction.

“Quick! Go over there and pretend to be normal,” he hissed.

“B-but I came for food—” That was remedied soon enough as Baekhyun heaped lettuce leaves and a bit of everything else onto the plate. He gave nearly half of what was left on the garden table, and shooed him off.

“Bring back more beef,” Sehun called, as Jongin stumbled back to the grill. He struggled to maintain a normal expression on his face when Kyungsoo glanced at him.

“What was that?” he enquired nonchalantly. _Keep it calm, keep it together,_ Jongin berated himself, feeling his throat closing in terror of being found out too early into the evening. Good Lord, why did Chanyeol have to drop the bomb on everyone like that? He turned to look at his friends. The lot of them were pretending they weren’t staring at all (which they were).

“Nothing, just goofing around,” Jongin muttered, placing down the paper plate. To busy himself by distracting Kyungsoo, he began preparing some beef with the lettuce. He offered it to Kyungsoo when he was done, who opened his mouth without preamble to bite down on it. Jongin was sure he heard Baekhyun cry out in exaggerated sorrow.

“Some of them are planning to go for a dip in the pool in a while,” Kyungsoo said, in the midst of chewing and monitoring the beef, “I was wondering if you think one of us needs to get more beer.”

“Oh,” Jongin said eloquently. Kyungsoo’s words didn’t quite sink in till a beat later.

“O-oh, beer.”

Mistaking his silence for hesitance, Kyungsoo was quick to change directions. “I mean, only if you’re okay with that. It hasn’t been long since you started sobering up…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Jongin replied, wishing he could punch himself in the face. He was being such a fucking klutz, there was no way Kyungsoo wanted to marry him today of all days. Kyungsoo gave one last assessing look before saying, “…alright. Just keep an eye on how much everyone’s drinking.”

“Okay… rice?” Jongin said lamely, holding up a spoonful. Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Sure.” Jongin took this opportunity to keep feeding Kyungsoo while he cooked up the rest of the beef, snipping them into bite sizes and arranging them neatly onto two plates, unlike Chanyeol’s earlier haphazard presentation of the meat. Truly, Jongin was about to propose to a Iron Chef. It was just one other reason why he had to propose before Kyungsoo realized Jongin was completely useless in the kitchen—

“Where’s the beef?!” Luhan shouted from the garden table in a thick Chinese accent. Jongin yelped in surprise, snapping to attention.

“S-shit, sorry, go feed the kids,” Kyungsoo laughe,d aloud, mouth still full of rice, “I forgot all about them.” And in all honesty, Jongin did too. He grimaced at himself as he picked up the two plates and walked over to the garden table _again_. This was starting to become a pattern that Jongin did not want to be familiar with.

“He hasn’t suspected anything, right?” Baekhyun asked, glancing back and forth at Kyungsoo.

“I don’t think so. He will if you guys keep calling me over,” Jongin hissed, “and why does it take so long for the beef to run out? Chanyeol, are you sure you brought ten kilos and not twenty?”

“Well, math is not my strong suit…” Chanyeol trailed off, downing some beer, “however my calculations tell me if you don’t make your move soon it’s going to be awkward when you get down on one knee to ask him to marry you. No one wants to be proposed to at an awkward moment.”

“He can’t ask now anyway,” Sehun replied, pointing at Kyungsoo with a slim finger, “he’s still working the grill. Maybe when he’s done and he comes over—”

“I just put the last slice of beef on the grill!” Kyungsoo shouted, looking absurdly pleased with himself, “anything else you guys want before I put the embers out?” Suho was about to say something, but Baekhyun slapped a hand over his mouth and yelled, “No, nothing else! Just come over and have a drink with us.”

Suho clawed at Baekhyun’s hand when Kyungsoo nodded and returned his attention to the grill, sputtering away. “I wanted him to grill my corn,” he complained, pointing at the corn on his plate. Outside it was cooked, but inside was still a little pale to be eaten.

“Grill it yourself, we got a proposal on the way,” Luhan said snappishly. They returned their attention to Jongin, who was taking small sips at the soda to buy himself some time at the table.

“Okay, when Kyungsoo gets here, he’s going to eat. Then, when the moment is right, one of us will say, ‘Hey, who wants to take a dip?’ And that will be your cue to get down on your fucking knee like Prince Charming. You better get yourself some mint in the meantime, ‘cause no one wants soda breath while making out,” Baekhyun said to Jongin warningly.  

“But don’t be too quick, let me get my phone out and record it all too,” Chanyeol protested. As they bickered Jongin scurried off once again, this time with napkins to wipe at the sweat dotting on Kyungsoo’s forehead. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be a good husband, but at the very least, he could be a good boyfriend.

Jongin waited with Kyungsoo to finish grilling all the beef. When they were done, Jongin served it to the boys and helped Kyungsoo clear up a bit, like putting out the glowing embers. Then they left the grill to one side for the embers to cool down, and finally joined the others at the table to eat.

There was still more than enough food for the both of them, so everyone joined in for the nth round of eating, drinking and jeering at one another. Jongin tried not to zone out, but it was hard not to as the Moment slowly approached. He could feel it when Kyungsoo said he was full and refused to put anything else into his mouth, leaning on Jongin.

Jongin could also feel it when his friends tried to prolong the moment by prodding at Kyungsoo to have ‘just one more bite of kimchi’ and ‘a little bit of slightly burned beef’. It finally came when Luhan couldn’t stop eyeing the pool any longer, and said, “Hey guys, um. Anyone up for a swim now?”

Five pairs of eyes turned to look at Jongin pointedly, and his heart leapt to his throat.

“I— Um,” he stuttered. Kyungsoo patted his thigh, unaware of the abrupt silence among the group.

“You wanna go for a swim? Go ahead, I’ll watch your soda for you,” he said encouragingly. Jongin gaped, then shut his mouth belatedly, not wanting to look stupid at such a crucial moment. Instead, he nodded silently and got to his feet, digging into his pocket.

“Yeah, I’ll go for a swim in a minute, let me just…” he fumbled for the rings, which turned out to be in the other pocket. By now, Kyungsoo looked mildly amused, while Chanyeol was leaning far back so Kyungsoo couldn’t see that he was recording every embarrassing moment on his phone. Over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, Sehun looked unimpressed.

“You left something in your pockets?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yes, I…” Jongin’s fingers touched cool metal, and he squeezed down on the rings, bringing his hand out. Chanyeol mouthed good luck at him.

“I um, I hope you remember these from when we first exchanged gifts for our birthdays,” Jongin mumbled, unable to look Kyungsoo in the eye as he shuffled from foot to foot.

“Remember what?” Kyungsoo blinked curiously, holding out a hand. Jongin revealed the rings in his palm, picking Kyungsoo’s smaller ring out. Then he got down on one knee, ears and cheeks burning like hellfire. Kyungsoo didn’t seem to understand, until Jongin held the ring towards Kyungsoo.

“Hyung, I think I’m here to surprise you with something a little more serious than jumping in a pool.”

Kyungsoo started tearing up, covering his mouth with a hand in obvious shock. Jongin was practically shaking now, fingers sweaty as he tried to keep a grip on the ring. He swallowed thickly, bringing his gaze up to Kyungsoo’s teary eyes.

“Kyungsoo, we’ve been through a lot this year and last year. I’m in awe of you and how far you’ve come through in life just to be here with me even though we both know there’s a whole list of why we shouldn’t be together. Despite all that,” Jongin licked his dry lips nervously, “I love you, hyung.

“I can’t picture a life without you in it, and I want to be yours forever as much as I hope you want to be mine. Will you… marry me, Kyungsoo?”

The boys around them started to holler and clap, pushing Kyungsoo over the edge of tears. His cheeks were streaked with tears as he got down to Jongin’s level and nodded, his voice shaky in Jongin’s ear as he said yes.

“Yes, Jongin,” he sobbed, barely audible as the everyone shouted and clapped, “yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”

“Thank God,” Jongin whispered back gratefully, kissing Kyungsoo and wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo.

“They’re getting married,” Luhan and Baekhyun sing songed together, hands clasped as they danced in circles. Suho clapped with two empty cans (obviously drunk), while Chanyeol came over to zoom in on them.

“Now put the ring on, put the ring on,” Chanyeol urged. Jongin pulled away from Kyungsoo to slide the ring onto his finger, letting it sit on his left hand. It looked like it always belonged there, just as Jongin knew there was no one else for him but Kyungsoo in this lifetime or the next. Kyungsoo tried wiping his tears away, but he couldn’t seem to stop crying. Jongin could feel his own emotions brimming up to the surface too, as he brushed some of Kyungsoo’s tears away.

“Hyung, are you happy?” he asked softly.

“I’m— I’ve never been this happy in my entire life,” Kyungsoo said, holding onto Jongin like his life depended on it.

“I don’t regret a single thing I’ve done since I met you, Jongin. I love you, I love you,” Kyungsoo dissolved into sobs again, and this time Jongin shed a tear too, hugging Kyungsoo.

“Now where’s that dip into the pool?” Luhan roared, flinging his shirt off in one smooth motion. He took off running towards the pool, yelling, “To Jongin and Kyungsoo!” before jumping right into the clear blue waters. They laughed, and slowly, one by one, everyone followed suit.

“To Jongin and Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun yelled shrilly, leaving a pile of clothes on the ground in his wake. Water splashed meters into the air as he jumped with his legs tucked in underneath him. He emerged dizzily seconds later, only to be sprayed with water when Suho and Sehun dived in as well.

“C’mon, you guys! It’s supposed to be the honeymoon now,” Chanyeol motioned for Jongin and Kyungsoo to hop in.

“Yeah! Jump in, jump in,” someone chanted. Everyone else joined in excitedly too, their voices louder in unison. Taken by surprise, Kyungsoo was too flustered to react.

“Get on my back,” Jongin said to him, in a moment of spontaneity. He faced his back to Kyungsoo, allowing him to curl his arms around Jongin’s neck. “Ready?” he turned to look over his shoulder. He lifted Kyungsoo up, hands gripping firmly on his thighs and took a few running step backwards. Then he was off, with Kyungsoo bouncing on his back.

“You’re such an idiot, we’re completely dressed,” Kyungsoo giggled in his ear, giddy with happiness. Jongin didn’t even realize he was laughing as he approached the pool and took the jump, the water coming up at him in slow motion. One moment they were on the ground.

The next moment, they went in with a splash, creating waves as they disappeared momentarily in a spectacular swirl of bubbles, droplets and sprays of blue water.


	29. we could go back to Woodstock (where they don't know who we are)

The alarm went off, beeping its way into Jongin’s dreams. Sifting through thick layers of sleep, he fumbled for the alarm with his hand, slamming objects on the dresser before finally hitting snooze. Jongin huddled deeper into the mattress to sleep, but it was too late. A minute later, Kyungsoo was already sitting up in bed beside him, getting to his feet.

The curtains were suddenly parted, allowing sunlight to pour into the room. “Good morning,” Kyungsoo said in a loud voice, stretching his limbs. Jongin could hear bones popping and cracking in place.

“Why are you so _awake_?” Jongin complained, grabbing a pillow to cover his face. Something fell to one side on the bed, and Kyungsoo made a garbled cry as the mattress gave way.

“You woke Modoki up,” Kyungsoo said, kicking the bed. Jongin sat up at once, blinking blearily.

“What? No way,” he pulled himself towards Kyungsoo, who was standing by the window with the Scottish fold kitty in his arms. The cat meowed piteously, and Jongin tried to meow back.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry,” Jongin held out his hand for the cat.

“Nope. Go get ready while I feed the kids first,” Kyungsoo said, turning away from Jongin, taking the cat with him. Jongin cried out dramatically, still trying to stretch for the ball of grey fur in Kyungsoo’s arms.

“You’re so cruel,” Jongin whined.

“You’re the one who wanted to marry me,” Kyungsoo cackled, walking out of the room. Jongin scowled after him, running a hand through his messy hair. A glance at the calendar above the alarm clock told Jongin it was Monday, the busiest day of the week. “Ugh,” he grunted, flipping the covers away from his legs. It was going to be a long day.

As soon as he planted his feet on the ground, barking ensued outside. He could hear Kyungsoo taking turns to greet the dogs. “Hello, Janggu, Monggu. No, don’t snap, Monggu, that’s rude,” Kyungsoo said sternly. Jongin shook his head in affectionate resignation while he fluffed the pillows and folded the blankets.

“Jangah, there you are! But where’s Toben?” Kyungsoo asked, sounding a little panicked as he called out a little louder.

“Toben! Where are you? Time for breakfast,” Kyungsoo called. And as Jongin stepped out of the room, a black puppy skittered from a corner. It yapped brightly, and ran right into Jongin’s awaiting arms. Jongin squealed happily, picking up the pawing puppy and bringing it up to his face to let it lick Jongin’s face.

“Toben’s here,” Jongin called back.

“Oh, thank God. Bring him to the kitchen and take Modoki away so I can prepare their food,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin obeyed, walking into the kitchen where a flurry of different coloured dogs came to greet him. Jongin bent down to give all the dogs a hug each, kissing Jangah soundly, who was particularly attached to him. Kyungsoo was already scooping out dog food from a large pack into four bowls.

“Everyone’s here, right?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin hummed in assent, exchanging Toben for Modoki. They weren’t worried about her being unable to get along with the dogs; Modoki just happened to be a very greedy cat who liked to gobble up the dogs’ breakfast instead of her own. Worst part was that all four dogs let her do it. Kyungsoo and Jongin have since developed a system through trial and error to overcome this.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth and shower,” Jongin said, petting Modoki, “and I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to push off the bed.” Modoki purred in his arms.

“She’s such a pretentious cat,” Kyungsoo grumbled, “no matter how much I pet her she always likes you more. Everybody, sit down,” he said to the dogs. The three poodles sat down at once, and Toben followed suit, though his wagging tail gave his junior status in the house away. Kyungsoo placed the four bowls on the floor slowly, arranging them into a row for each dog.

“Stay,” he cautioned. Jongin watched in amusement. He could never quite get over the fact how Kyungsoo had trained these dogs so well in just over a year. They could probably enter a circus at this rate, balancing treats on their noses and whatnot. Only Toben struggled to remain still in the temptation of food, yapping anxiously in his tinny voice.

Kyungsoo snapped a finger to silence him. Toben whimpered in response, but persevered.

Finally, when Kyungsoo was satisfied, he said “Okay,” and the dogs went for it. Jongin sighed at Kyungsoo, holding Modoki up.

“Look at him, Modoki, just look at my hot husband,” Jongin swooned. Modoki opened her mouth in a silent meow, front legs hanging in the air. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at Jongin.

“Will you ever get sick of that trick?” he laughed.

“No, will you ever get sick of me?” Jongin replied, then turned to head to the bathroom, bringing Modoki along. 

“Is that a trick question?” Kyungsoo called after him.

“It’s too early for this!” Jongin shouted back.

-

An hour later, Jongin and Kyungsoo were ready for the day.

Jongin held Monggu and Janggu’s leashes, while Kyungsoo held Jangah on a leash, carrying a carrier with Toben and Modoki in it. They left the house in somewhat of a mess, considering that the dogs constantly tangled up the leashes when they walked.

Jongin however, was content to coo at the dogs as they walked to the car together, leashes tangled and all. “They’re so smart, it’s like they know we’re all going to work together,” Jongin said to Kyungsoo.

“I think they’re just excited to be out,” Kyungsoo laughed, petting Jangah’s fluffy, white head.

Out on the porch, Jongin unlocked the car and carried each of the dogs in the back seat while Kyungsoo settled into the front seat with the carrier. “Did Sehun tell you anything about Vivi?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Oh yeah, he texted me yesterday and said Vivi’s much better now. Suho’s going to bring Vivi to work today, so it’s full force this week,” Jongin replied, shutting the door once all three poodles were piled into the back. Kyungsoo groaned at his response as Jongin got into the driver’s seat.

“Talking about Vivi reminds me about their yearly shot. The vet’s too busy on weekdays for us to bring them in, and we’re too busy on weekends to do it too,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“We’ll find a weekday,” Jongin promised, starting up the engine and backing out of the driveway.

“Can you bring them to the vet?” Kyungsoo asked hopefully. “Sure, why not?” Jongin replied, distracted by the shifting of gears. He was still getting the hang of driving. Just then, Modoki meowed loudly in the carrier, and Kyungsoo peeked into the cover for a look. Toben had somehow pushed Modoki into a corner, and was now sleeping on her peacefully. On the other hand, Modoki didn’t seem pleased about her predicament and looked like she was about to spit a furball onto the puppy.

“Don’t worry, Modoki, it’s only a ten-minute drive,” Kyungsoo stuck a finger in to rub at her nose.

“What’s happening?’ Jongin asked.

“She got cornered. Again. You’d think as a cat she’d be a bit more aggressive, but she just meows and—” Modoki made a strange noise in her throat, sounding oddly human. Even the dogs at the back yelped in confusion.

“And that,” Kyungsoo finished. Jongin laughed aloud.

It had been close to two years since they moved out to Gyeonggido, Kyungsoo’s hometown outside of Seoul city. Jongin sometimes missed their first apartment which they’d lived in for only a scant two months, but it was necessary to get away after the paparazzi found out where they’d been hiding out. Besides, nothing beat the anonymity of the small town they lived in now.

No one knew who they were, and no one really cared to know either. They were just the owners of the first dog café cum library in the area, Paws and Claws.

Opening up the place had been the last thing on their minds at first. They were locked in their apartment all day to avoid the paparazzi, and Jongin knew they had to move somewhere else. But where? And what would they do in the meantime? It was obvious they couldn’t work in the city, not at least for a few months. And Jongin had some money saved up, but they needed to spend it carefully lest it all disappeared.

“We could move to my hometown,” Kyungsoo had suggested, “my parents have space at home, so… it’s something.”

Jongin protested at first, not wanting to burden Kyungsoo’s family in any way. On top of that, they knew nothing about Jongin and it wasn’t the best way to meet the in-laws, but after a week it became apparent that the move was necessary. They couldn’t even go out to buy food without being hounded by some zealous reporter.

So they packed everything up, and found themselves deposited on Kyungsoo’s family household doorstep.

Meeting the in-laws was something Jongin could not have prepared himself for, _ever_. Mrs. Do was friendly enough, but Mr. Do looked like he wanted to slice Jongin open with a butcher knife.

They had to leave all their bulky furniture on their yard, for one, which wasn’t the best way to make a good impression. Then they had stay in Kyungsoo’s childhood bedroom (which was fun in its own way), and it was nothing short of an uncomfortable, horrifying experience. Jongin was just thankful Kyungsoo’s parents understood why he wasn’t on speaking terms with his father anymore.

All the same, it was clear that they welcomed the two in their house, but they weren’t going to coddle them. Jongin and Kyungsoo were expected to find jobs somewhere in the area just like any other young adult.

It wasn’t easy, of course. Kyungsoo found a part-time job as a florist which was alright for him, but Jongin’s lack of experience in most fields left him wanting. Jongin had confessed his woes to Chanyeol one night, who came up with the brightest idea.

“What’s that sound in the background?” Jongin had asked, mid-conversation.

“Ugh, it’s the three poodles my mom gave me. They used to be hers, but now she’s tired of them.” Jongin had practically cried, wishing he could have three dogs all to himself. Ever since their cacti died because they kept moving around, Jongin desperately wished for something to care for, sorta of like preliminary training to be a dad some day.

“You wouldn’t want it, Jongin. It’s like canine heaven here, 24/7 now. The maids are more concerned about feeding them than they are about feeding me ‘cause they think my mom might want them back one day,” Chanyeol had complained.

Then he had paused and said, “On second thought, do you _really_ want these dogs, Jongin?”

For the next three hours, Jongin and Chanyeol outlined a plan. Jongin needed a job and a place to stay. Chanyeol needed a life of his own. His suggestion to Jongin was to open up a dog café in Gyeonggido, which was still a relatively new concept to the area. There was a cat café, but no one seemed to be opening up a dog café.

“Why not you take all three poodles as resident dogs for the cafe, and I’ll buy you guys a house?” Chanyeol had suggested.

It was a ridiculous notion at first, but made sense the more Jongin thought about it. He broke it to Kyungsoo, who took it well (surprisingly). “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that,” he’d said. Jongin had smothered Kyungsoo into a hug, inhaling his floral scent.

They scouted around for a shop lot to possibly rent, if not buy. Fortunately, an old residential area had just been cleared out, which meant rows of spanking new shop lots ready for purchase. The sales agent was also more than happy to give them a discount, seeing as they were first people to show interest in buying a lot. It was the clean slate they all needed, so Jongin informed Chanyeol about it, and he drove down to Gyeonggido in the next few days, poodles in tow.

“Perfect,” he’d declared, when they took a tour around the new place, “now all you guys need is a place of your own nearby.”

And they found it, a ten minute-drive away in a suburban neighbourhood. A couple had just gotten married and decided to move into the city, leaving a single storey house up for sale. Chanyeol told the real estate agent to consider it sold, whatever the price.

Just as they were about to leave, Kyungsoo had noticed a grey lump on the yard. They had mistook it for a rock, but it turned out to be an abandoned cat, hungry and weak. Kyungsoo had been at a loss as to whether to take it home, but Jongin was powerless in the face of a needy animal, even though it was going to be a handful with the three poodles.

Three months later, they had a new place, three dogs, a much plumper cat and a dog café ready for its public. Jongin poured all the money he had into the place, sparing no expense in paying for Kyungsoo’s two-month barista training course and everything else that came with owning a café cum library. Most of the furniture, they found in flea markets or garage sales.

As for staff, Luhan and Baekhyun were also newly jobless as they’d decided to quit Accuretta after it was sold to another corporate company. Their wages were cut by 30%, and neither of them hated the idea of working Gyeonggido.

“It’s not quiet per se, but it’s not Seoul either,” Luhan had said. Baekhyun ended up being Luhan’s roommate, and now they took the subway every day to work in the dog café. It helped that Baekhyun also owned a Corgi, Mongryong. That just meant one more dog for customers to play with.

As for Vivi, Sehun’s dog, he was always at Paws and Claws now that Chanyeol had his own fashion line, and needed a personal assistant who was equal parts fabulous and efficient. Toben, Chanyeol’s pooch, was always there too after he made an impulse purchase at a pet store in Japan. Seeing as Toben was still a young pup and his owner was always overseas, someone had to look after him and Vivi.  

This week was different however, since it was time for Vivi’s yearly vaccination shot and Suho was the only one among them who was free enough to take Vivi to his usual vet in the city. (Funnily enough, he was also the chaebol in the group now, taking his time to travel the world and see the sights. On occasion, he would even attend Chanyeol’s fashion shows if they were in the same city.)

Jongin turned up into the street where their dog café was located. Other shops were opening too, and the dogs were excited to begin their day.

“Alright kids, time to get out,” Jongin said, parking a short distance away from the café. Jongin ended up walking all three poodles to the café, with Kyungsoo trailing behind. Opening up was Jongin’s favourite part of the day, as he unlocked the door and turned on the lights.

They had worked hard to make the café a happy place, beginning with the walls painted light blue to resemble the sky. Pictures of the dogs that Kyungsoo had snapped himself hung from the walls. A short fence just two feet away from the entrance kept dogs within the café area, arranged with around six tables and mismatched chairs. A counter to the left was where Kyungsoo would be working, making drinks while Jongin would work the cashier machine. Upstairs was a library if customers wanted some quiet time alone.

“Jongin, could you put some diapers on them?” Kyungsoo called for him.

“Sure, let me just get the lights up in the library,” Jongin called back, running up the stairs to flip the switches on. The library had mostly classics, and some of Jongin’s collection as well. They welcomed customers to donate books too, since they wanted the library to have as many genres as possible.

“Diapers!” Jongin yelled as he came down the stairs, going into the back room where all their stuff was stored, from coffee beans to dog necessities. He found five diapers and went back out to find the poodles one by one.

Just as he was in the midst of trying to catch Janggu so he could put on the diapers for her, someone entered the café. Jongin looked up, just as the dogs did, and smiled.

“Hey guys,” he said to Luhan and Baekhyun. Toben gave a howl. They greeted him and Kyungsoo, taking off their caps and jackets.

“God, it was sunny,” Luhan complained, collecting Baekhyun’s things to bring it to the back.

“Er, mind helping out with putting on diapers for the kids?” Jongin called out to no one in particular. Baekhyun came over with Mongryong, outreached hand for a diaper. Jongin passed him, now done with Janggu.

“I’m sorry, Mongryong, but it’s just rules,” Baekhyun told his Corgi. He began to fit the diapers on, while Jongin handled his two other poodles. The café would be open in half an hour, and they needed to get their diapers on so they wouldn’t poop all over the place if customers came in and decided to give the dogs a treat or two.

Only Modoki could be trusted to do her toilet business in the litter box they’d placed for her near the back. She was lingering around the café too, now that Kyungsoo had taken her and Toben out of the carrier. Later during the day, she would usually go upstairs where it was quieter to take long, cat naps in her little bed up on a high shelf.

In the meantime, Luhan helped Kyungsoo set up at the counter, powering up the cashier machine and turning on the lights in the display case. It was relatively easy to procure cheesecakes and other desserts for humans, but the food for dogs had to be prepared daily with fresh ingredients.

Usually Luhan or Baekhyun would do it during after hours, mixing vegetables with pork or chicken into what Baekhyun said looked like quiche or pie filling. It was completely healthy and safe for dogs (and humans) once heated up in the microwave for a few minutes, although the same could not be said for the cakes and muffins in the display case.

Still, customers usually came in to treat themselves or whoever it was they came in with, and delicious food always made for a wonderful environment.

“Ooh, our first customer is here,” Luhan grinned when a movement outside caught his eye. The doorbell jangled, and Kyungsoo saw Suho come in, holding Vivi and a paper bag in his arms.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo said, waving at him, “guys, it’s Suho!”

“Can I put Vivi down?” Suho asked.

“Sure, I’ll help you with Vivi,” Luhan came out of the counter to pick Vivi up. He’d obviously just taken a bath, if his fresh scent and pure white fur was anything to go by. Luhan peppered Sehun’s dog with kisses.

“Missed you, Vivi, go ahead and play now,” Luhan placed Vivi down inside the café area. Monggu, Janggu, Jangah, Modoki and Toben came out of hiding at once to sniff at Vivi, whose tail was wagging back and forth at the sight of his four-legged friends.

“I’ve got gifts,” Suho said, opening up the paper bag.

“For us or for the café?” Baekhyun laughed. Suho looked a little guilty at that. “For the café… But it could help with business! And there was something Chanyeol wanted me to bring in too,” Suho said, bringing out a few items.

The first item was in a box, which Baekhyun made a grab for so he could open it first. The second, Luhan took, only to roll his eyes and guffaw at it.

“It’s a framed picture of Chanyeol. And with his signature on it too,” Luhan handed it to Kyungsoo. He remembered the picture, having taken it himself. Chanyeol had just brought Toben for the first time to the café, and he was smaller back then. Fans in the cafe had squealed in delight at the chance to run into their favourite designer and fashionista.

“You know, I sent him this picture like last month. Guess he took the time to sign it and frame it so we could put it up for him,” Kyungsoo snorted, looking around the café to see where they could put it up. Somewhere near the entrance would be good. It was no secret that Chanyeol frequented this place whenever he could, which Kyungsoo was partially thankful for.

Sometimes they’d get people from the city coming just because they saw it on Chanyeol’s Instagram account. Lucky for them, Accuretta wasn’t on their minds when they came in and most of the time, no one could recognize Jongin or Kyungsoo.

He liked to think it had something to do with Jongin growing his hair out and dyeing it a soft, chocolate brown that matched the colour of his eyes. He didn’t look like someone from the corporate world. He looked like Kyungsoo’s husband, the man he married because he was a walking paradox, all sharp edges and soft smiles mingled into one.

Kyungsoo sometimes recalled the way Jongin looked on their wedding day. They’d gotten married on the beach in Gangneung, where they’d exchanged their rings. It was nothing fancy, just a ceremony attended by the closest of their friends. Jongin had looked stunning in white with a crown of daisies on his head and Kyungsoo thought he’d die, just looking at him. He’d never loved anyone more than Jongin in that moment. 

“I’ll put it up for you later,” Luhan nodded, taking it back. Jongin scampered over to look at the other gift, which turned out to be a wooden carving of all the animals in the café.

“Oh my God, hyung, look at it,” Jongin said excitedly, showing Kyungsoo the carving. He immediately spotted out their three poodles, bless them, and smiled with pride. Toben, a wee little thing sat next to Vivi, and Modoki was curled up with her eyes closed. Kyungsoo loved it, and knew Jongin loved it too.

“I had this guy from Paris carve it for me,” Suho told them proudly, “he took weeks to make it, and it finally came to me yesterday.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo said, placing it above the display case. It looked cute.

“When is Chanyeol going to send us samples from his collection, by the way?” Luhan asked, “I need a new winter jacket, and I wouldn’t mind if it was bedazzled in any way…”

“He’s in Milan this week, and I think once the showcase is done, he’ll be back in town,” Suho informed him.

“Milan? Wow,” Baekhyun said admiringly, “I wish he’d bring us all to one of his shows.”

Jongin shook his head at once. “No, thanks. I don’t have the time,” he said jokingly, sneaking a kiss from Kyungsoo behind the counter. He loved the way Kyungsoo looked in his black apron, all smart like a true born barista. Running the place was tough, but Jongin wouldn’t have done it any other way with anyone else.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Kyungsoo asked, running a finger down the front of Jongin’s shirt.

“Yes, but I don’t mind hearing it again,” Jongin chuckled low in his throat. Kyungsoo pressed a kiss to his mouth, tasting the coffee and milk biscuits he’d had for breakfast on his tongue. “I love you, Jongin. Very, very much,” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Gross,” Baekhyun retorted. Jongin was unashamed, biting his lip when he pulled away. His ears were bright red.

“I hope you’ll put that much love into my Americano when you make it for me,” Suho commented, entering the café area. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. Their friends were complete idiots, honestly. Luhan giggled too, flipping the sign on the door. Paws and Claws was now open for business.


End file.
